🎙️ Navigating Life Transitions? You're Not Alone in the Change, Uncertainty & Personal Growth

🎧 About the Episode: 

In this episode of Behind the Cusp, I’m opening up in real time about something I’ve been living through quietly for the last several months: transition.

Not one big dramatic life change, but many layers of change happening all at once. Identity shifts, hard decisions, changing relationships, career transitions, moving through uncertainty, and navigating the emotional weight of feeling like every area of life is asking something different of me all. at. once.

I share honestly about where I’ve been mentally and emotionally, the pressure of trying to hold everything together, and what I’m learning about boundaries, letting go, making decisions, and allowing myself to be seen before I have all the answers.

I also talk about why I think women don’t talk enough about how many versions of ourselves we live through in one lifetime.

If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, stretched thin, or like life feels unfamiliar lately as you're in the midst of a transition, of any kind, this episode is your reminder that transition doesn’t mean you’re behind.

You’re not failing. You’re becoming. 
And if you’re in the middle of it right now, you are not alone.

🎙️ Connect with me:
Instagram: @stylecusp @behindthecusp
Tiktok: @stylecusp @behindthecusp

Subscribe, rate, and share the show if you feel aligned. These all go such a long way in supporting the show! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Behind the Cusp, a podcast diving deep into the layers of self-growth, inner work, and transformation. I'm your host, Marissa Mead, and after 15 years as a digital creator, I'm sharing my raw, unfiltered journey of healing and self-discovery to walk alongside you in yours. Together, we'll dive deep into the conversations that matter most, uncovering what it means to truly evolve from the inside out. This is where you elevate into transformation. So take a breath, settle in, and let's begin. And I should definitely give that welcome a big emphasis. We are just gonna dive right in today. And I shared, I opened up and shared a little bit on Instagram stories yesterday. So if you follow me, you probably saw that. Just about life and the transitions that I've been in and the heaviness of all of it in the last really like six months, and just really sharing the vulnerability of all of that. And I knew that that would open the door for so many of you to share back in your own transition or your own struggle or where you were at. And of course, like as always, it proved to be true, which I was not surprised in the slightest by because connecting with you all on the deeper and life kind of topics is something that I've always done and loved to do, even if it wasn't necessarily in real time. But this time I feel a little bit different in how I'm approaching that or kind of making an effort to do that. And while I don't really know where this season of transition is fully leading me yet, I wanted to let you guys in while I'm inside of it, instead of on the other side of it, which is more or less typically I would say what I've done. And there's nothing wrong with either of those things. I feel like it's hard for me to know how to show up or what to share online, you know, when you have a platform in some capacity, when you're navigating so many things in real life. But I want to give a little bit of insight into what I'm going through, but also relate that into just life transition in general, because I know so many of you are going through that too. And maybe not every area of your life is changing or transitioning necessarily right now, but maybe even if it's one area, it still is hard, you know? So that's where this episode is going to land. And on that note, I also wanted to just share a little bit about the podcast here and how all of this relates to so much of this transition because as I've been going through all of these different things, it's been hard for me to take on, I guess, the role of being the podcaster because I just haven't had the bandwidth. It's really hard to have the bandwidth to pour out more of myself right now when I'm feeling so depleted in every area. And so while my heart right now has been to grow the podcast and grow this platform and basically step into the role that I know I know I'm called to be in, it's been hard to do that because one, I share this on stories, but this isn't a platform that's monetized yet, you know. So I'm not making thousands of dollars from doing a podcast. I'm spending tons of hours, but not making tons of money on it, and obviously still have to pay my bills and take care of my home and pay my mortgage and like all that kind of stuff. So that's just a practical factor where it's taken a backseat, but then also just the emotional aspect of I don't have a lot to pour out, and so any of the energy that I have had has gone towards you know the content that I already am putting out, and then that's it, because I've had to just only do that. But we're changing that, and I'm out loud sharing with you guys that I've committed to do weekly episodes for the next 90 days, and that feels relieving, but also a little daunting at the same time because I know, like, okay, that is literally summertime, you know, we're traveling, we have things going on, whatever, but there's no good time to commit to something, you know, and I think that it's like you just have to do it at the end of the day. You just have to commit, you just have to do it, and it's definitely gonna take more, probably planning ahead and things on my part. But along with that, I also am going to not necessarily put so much pressure on myself to have longer episodes, and maybe some of them will be like five or ten minute little conversations or little drops here and there of just encouragement or realness or whatever that I can pop in and kind of share with you guys so that it just can be a bigger connection point for us right now in life. I really want this podcast to impact so many women in a positive way as they're going through transformation and transition in their life, for it to be a place that they can find a nugget of wisdom or encouragement or even just feeling like someone is meeting them where they're at in those places. And so 90 days, here we go. Anyway, so let's dive into kind of this whole transition thing right now. And I I don't know obviously where all of you guys are at in your own personal life and transition. I did a poll yesterday too on stories and asked what you guys feel is the biggest transition point in your life right now, and there were four different options that I gave because that's the max it allows you to do, but identity, career, relationships, and oh shoot, I forgot the last one. It'll come to me. But the majority of you said identity, and I thought this was really interesting. I don't know if I was expecting that, but it was like over 40%, and then the percentages were split between the other three. Was really interesting that so many of you said identity, and I want to do a follow-up question on that and hear more from you guys on what you feel is shifting in your identity right now and why. But I feel that deeply as well, and I have felt that for the last couple of years already, very deeply, where so much has shifted for me in many different ways, but now I'm in a different phase entirely with the transition, and I don't necessarily feel that my identity is shifting for me inwardly, I feel that my identity is shifting more outwardly and how people look at me or what they look to me for, you know, like I've been Style Cusp and I've been this creator and sharing certain things, but there's things that I want to share that are deeper, and there's things that I want to share that are more than just that. And so part of this identity shift that I feel like I'm about to go through on a public or outward standpoint is very much changing that or even just the horse correcting it a little bit and seeing the impact that that will have. So, that being said, I know where my identity is shifting, but I'm so curious where you guys are experiencing identity shifts in what areas, or if you even know, or if you just feel like you're in this place of I don't know right now, which is totally fine because I've been there and in some ways I still am there. And to that point, I just want to say transition times are not bad, and they're not necessarily meaning that there's a crisis happening, there's just shifts happening, and it can be physically in your, you know, where you physically live, it can be your job, it can be your relationships, it can be your friendships, it can be so many different things, but it also can be like internal, and so it's dual-sided, is kind of what I'm saying here. Um, transition can come when there's big decisions on the table or in front of you, and also it can feel really overwhelming at times, especially if you have a lot of different transition and a lot of different areas happening all at once. Hi, that's me. And it also can bring a lot of less certainty than usual. So things feel unstable, and as soon as things feel unstable, our nervous systems, especially as women, immediately get activated, immediately get heightened, and we're in this like fight or flight and cortisol and all the things, and then it affects your physical body, your hormones, your sleep patterns, whatever. And it's like this cycle, right? You feel like you end up being in this cycle of like everything's crashing and burning and whatever. Transition can also bring a lot of unknowns, and so all of these things that I mentioned to you guys is where I have deeply been at in the last six months for sure, feeling it very, very deeply. To see like if I landed in a place where I had the answers to my own transitions, or even waiting for the transitions to happen where I don't feel like I'm sitting in them, you know, as long. But what I realized is there's value in sharing while I am becoming that next version of me. And I don't want to just share the end result or the end project, if you will, of the transition. But I actually want to share the transition, to share the journey, to share the hard parts of it, and to also walk alongside all of you as you are going through that because that's where the value is, that's where you are met with vulnerability, that's where you are met with connection with other people when you are able to do that. And so I think one of the hardest parts of transition is just feeling like everything sucks, you know, and let me also say that that has so much to do with mindset that has been really big for me lately is tapping into shifting my mindset, shifting my reality, shifting the outlook on or my outlook on what my view is on my own reality, you know, and I've also in that same note become really hyper aware of who I'm talking to and their tone and their energy and what I'm picking up in a conversation and how that's affecting me, even via text. I was having a conversation like yesterday, I think, with somebody, and just like every message they were sending me felt like it was something negative or something was wrong, or or this like overall tone of just like uh and I'm like I can't deal with this right now, like I can't have this in my space right now. I can't have this, you know, aura coming in to me right now, especially in when I'm in a place where I'm feeling hit from every angle, it's like I need to be around people or even talking to people that are really uplifting right now. And if they're not, it's like I don't even want to talk to them, even if it's like a a very general little message, you know. But I'm sharing that to say that right now, the theme in transition, at least for me, or what I want to encourage you guys in in the with your own transitions right now, is let this transition time carve things out of you. And by that I mean let it give you more depth to who you are as a person, let it bring in more conversation in your friendships, your relationships, the tables that you sit in, the people that you are around through the transition, get more connected to yourself. Use this as a time to really go inward, use the transition time to really analyze or look at yourself objectively, and instead of sitting in the overwhelmingness or the sorrow or whatever of the transition, use it to get connected to you, to know yourself more, to learn yourself more, to see the patterns or the choices that you're making in transition, and then even ask yourself why, or why am I acting like this? I also shared this on stories yesterday that I'm really learning a lot about the eldest daughter syndrome right now, and how that also plays a huge factor into me and what I emotionally carry. I'm the oldest of seven. There's not just two kids in my family where it's like I'm the oldest and have one younger sibling. I have six siblings underneath me, and the pressure that that feels like even now, as we're all adults, to be an example and to be there for them and to offer them emotional support or advice or whatever. My whole life has been being a parentified child and a glorified parent, and I think that's a huge reason of why I haven't had kids and don't even know if I want them. But that's another whole conversation for another day that we can absolutely dive into more on the eldest daughter thing. But the reason why I'm bringing that up is because I've noticed certain patterns or started to see how that has played a big part in my life, and that's my own journey to walk through and work through. But having the awareness is the most important part because that's when you can actually see yourself going through something and notice your own patterns, your own tendencies, whatever it might be, and you can look at them differently and say, Oh, maybe that's why the way I am the way that I am or why I'm doing what I'm doing, but I can also change that. I can also choose different, I can also be different here. Another couple things that are impacting me right now in transition is I am so not concerned with people's expectations. Literally, no one outside of the four walls who lives in my home, which is me and my boyfriend, I don't care about people's expectations. I don't care if someone feels like I should be doing XYZ for them, and I'm just like, no, I can't having those boundaries and not feel feeling like I need to live up to people's expectations or even perceptions of who I am right now is so important. It's really protecting my energy, and also I don't think that that is an excuse to just be like writing all these other people off. That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is, is I don't need to live with the pressure of the expectation, essentially. Returning to tending to myself and taking care of myself and having priority over the things that are important to me right now that I know uplift me. When you are in a season or a time period of transition, it is so important that you nurture the parts of you that you know need support. If not, you absolutely will end up being burnt out, spent, you know, completely tapped out on every level. And I'm gonna be honest with you guys, I hit that point a couple weeks ago. And I'm not somebody who has ever had anxiety or struggled with anxiety in my life, and I'm thankful for that, but I was having a panic or anxiety attack because in some capacity I couldn't get out of bed. It literally felt like my insides were just racing, and I was just like, I hit a point where I was like, I can't do this anymore. I can't do everything for everyone, and then put myself last, and even making myself available for phone calls, it was draining me, and and so that was just a wake-up call for me to really it was like the breaking point, the tipping point of like the last six months culminating together, you know, and through all of that, like I can taste the other side. I know I'm to almost near or just crossing, crossing over the threshold of the other side, and that feels so exciting to me right now, and it makes the last six months of like up and down and just hard everything feel worth it because I know there is immense abundance and joy and blessing on the other side of this, and I can say now I'm excited to see how this transition really transitions me, you know what I'm saying? And so let's talk a little bit about what those transitions are because I also want to be real with you guys of what the heck is going on in my life to the most appropriate way that I can. There's some things that are just a little bit too personal that I can't really, really dive into, but you know, number one, my Florida versus Connecticut life, and I've shared this more on the podcast here than I have necessarily on stories, but I officially shared on stories yesterday that I am selling my house in Connecticut. If you didn't catch that in stories or skipped over a slide or two, you may have missed that. But I have not shared that there at all ever yet, so that felt like a big deal, at least for me, because this has been a choice that I've been toying with for five years, literally, and I knew it was a choice that I would be making, I just wasn't sure when I would be making it or what the best or right timing was for me. And now I feel like I'm literally at the end of the time block of time that I can make this choice for different various reasons on a personal level, and so it's time, and it's time not even just for those reasons, but it's time for me to energetically cut that cord, if you will, in my life, and so I will be selling my house. That is crazy to say out loud, and transitioning to being like a full-time Florida girl, however, I will still be going north, probably in Connecticut for or to Connecticut and Maine and stuff for the summer in some capacity, but that's like for me to figure out next summer. Right now, I'm gonna go home and figure out home to Connecticut and figure out the next steps, but that's been a big weight on me for years, but it's really been culminating in the last six months where I feel this weight of this decision because it's not just oh, I'm selling my house, my family is there, I'm born and raised there, you know, my roots are there, my grandparents are there, all these different things. Like that feels like a big choice for me to leave that behind. And also, my Connecticut house is the first home that I bought on my own as a single woman in her 20s. It felt like a big accomplishment and it represented so much for me, and I truly do love that house. It just doesn't feel like it aligns with me in my life where I'm at right now anymore, and I know it's time to let it go. And so there's this grieving process that I think I've already been experiencing in letting that house go, you know, that I'm also letting the whole version of me and a whole time in my life and whole person of who I've been up to this point go, and so that has been like a very big decision and just facing all of the things that come along with that. The second thing is like I've had so many changes in my job with Style Cusp in the last nine months with my management team. The first company I was with, I had like four different management changes in a matter of two weeks, and it was like a disaster. I ended up parting ways with them at the beginning of this year. I signed with a new company that I was really confident that it was going to be amazing and everything, and then as I started working with them, there was just so much like disorganization and what felt like dysfunction happening with brand partnerships and whatever, and it just didn't feel right for me. I was like, there's no way I can keep working like this, and so I didn't sign a contract with them after our trial, and then I signed with another agency who I'm with now, and so far it's been amazing. I'm one month in and really enjoying it, and it's been so positive so far. So I'm really excited about that for where I finally have stability in that area. But at the same time, I also lost one of my assistants who had worked with me for a really long time, and I really loved her. She was amazing, she was like everything I needed in an assistant, and now there's parts of me that are like shoot, I should have had her handle more things so I didn't lose her, whatever. Of course, you can't go back and it's just like to learn from, but I lost that assistant and had a transition how I structure my team and who does what, and even like me take on more, which is really hard with this job when you like basically already manage everything, and then I brought somebody new on and February, and it's like whenever you lose someone or bring on someone new, there's just so much transition there, and you're basically starting over learning a workflow and communication, and just like teaching somebody your brand and all that. So, those have been big transitions with my job, on top of also starting this podcast about a year ago, figuring out how to manage the podcast with the business that I already have running, like how to, you know, incorporate everything together. There's just it brings in another thing, it's another aspect of things to manage. Mind you, all this is happening at the same time. I've had transitions and some friendships and just feeling which I talked about, you know, more on the friendship episode right before this one, I think, or maybe it was two before this one, but just transitions and friendships and feeling like I have to put my energy where I feel like it's fully reciprocated, and also just seeing different patterns and friends, or who is the giver, who is a taker, how my energy is being expounded in friendship, and then just balancing that with my own time, also something that I know many of us experience. And then my location being in Connecticut and Florida also plays a big role in my relationship. We go from being long distance to not being long distance, and that back and forth takes its toll because it's like we can get into a routine with your partner, getting into some type of flow, living with a partner, and then not living with a partner, and having one home where it's just me, and one home where it's with my partner. There's a lot of dynamics there, and I'll be honest with you guys, we really struggled this year with the transition of me coming back, and it's not because we're like not compatible or can't live together, whatever, because we already have. It was just like where we're both at in life and how much is changing for both of us, and that's been really hard for me too, because that affects my living space and that affects energetically the vibe in your home, you know. So that's been hard. I will say that we are in a much better place now, and it it took a long time to get here-like five months, and we had to have some really hard conversations and kind of look at things really objectively and really dig in there. And partnerships, relationships are not easy no matter what. You might get along and be so compatible and love someone so much, but you still are bringing your stuff into that relationship. You are still navigating your own life with someone else's, you are still navigating just being a man versus woman in a relationship. There's all those dynamics that we are facing and communicating, and you know, men are from Venus, women are from Mars, or whatever the saying is. And so that's been really hard too, and that's put definitely taken its toll on me. Age is another thing. It's like I'm 36 years old, holy crap, I'm nearing 40, and you know, you feel differences in your body and thing and different things, like just practical things like that, you know? And so all of this happening all at the same time, so many different changes, so many different aspects, these things are all pulling from your or my mental space, my emotional space, my physical space, you know, um, and navigating all of that at once, and then couple in a few deaths in our family over the last couple of weeks, and then a really heavy situation in my immediate family that we are navigating right now that I can't share details on because of the nature of it, and it's just very intimate and personal, but that's just been really hard as well, and just navigating all that like individually, but then also as a family, and so all of that on one platter and plate right now is a lot, and I know that so many of you are in that too, you know, experiencing changes in a job or a relationship, or maybe you are having your first child, or you're moving to a whole new city or state or place or whatever. Transition is hard, you guys. It's hard. It sucks. It sucks when you're going through something and feeling like you're in the trenches. Never mind when you're going through like 18 things at once and feeling like, does anything have stability? And that's what I have said the last months. I'm like, is there anything that's stable in my life right now? Is there anything that's not under stress or change or or newness or whatever? Like there was no place that I could turn, no one thing that I could go to in my life that I felt like was a constant. And that's been the hardest part for me because I felt like I was in a blender. I do feel that I'm nearing the end of that, and part of this episode I think is me just like fully releasing the time period of the transition and wanting to like fully step into the new place. You know, I've made the clear-cut decision of like I'm going home to Connecticut and I am listing my house. I'm not dragging my feet anymore. I'm not gonna keep hemming and hawing on this decision because it's weighing on me and it's burdening me, and I need to make the decision and let the house go so that I can welcome in the next phase of abundance in my life. And I want to sit on that second for a second right there because I think there's a lot of things, something of value that we can all hear in that. What area of your life are you just sitting in the back and forth, or not making a choice, or not sticking to whatever it is that you are leaving on top of your nervous system to feel zapped that you can just decide or do something, and it would immediately go off. Because we're all doing it, we're all doing it in some way that we are driving ourselves crazy over. We are adding to the chaos, if you will. Like my house in Connecticut, I can make that choice and I can have that thing off my plate, and it's a huge thing off my plate to not have that burden of that choice, and also just like the mental energy of the caring of the house when I'm not there and whatever, that's a whole other thing. I can make that choice and I can be done with that, and that choice can be off my plate, and all it has to do with is me taking action to make the choice, you know? So ask yourself that right now. What can you make a choice in? What can you make a move in? What can you just move forward in that would give you some semblance of peace? Like, what are you holding on to right now that you don't need to be holding on to? And when you realize that there's something that you can let go of or move on from, or just say no more, draw the line in the sand and move forward. And I know that's easier said than done because I've been struggling with that for months and months, you guys, but I've like had it and I'm like, no, I'm not doing this anymore. I'm drawing the line in the sand and I'm moving forward, and I'm going to walk forward in abundance and lightness and just happiness and joy and receiving the abundance that is coming into my life. I want to receive all of it. And how do I step into that version of me? I let go of these things that are burdening me. I think also part of the transition is realizing that there are aspects of life where you may always feel like you're in a transition, you know, there isn't ever going to be a point where it's like we've arrived, we've reached the destination, you know? And I think some of that has to do with our societal timelines, which I've kind of talked about in almost every episode now. But we go to high school, we go to college, we graduate, we get a job, we meet someone, we get married, we buy a home or move into a home, and we have kids, we have this family, and sudden for some reason we think that creates a stable identity. We think that we've arrived once we've hit all those benchmarks. We think that there's some magic spell that's cast over us, if you will, that gives us like, oh, everything's great now. I've I've done all the things, I've checked all the boxes. But actually, it's not true at all. There never is an ending point, there never is a destination. Life is lived in the transition, in the becoming of every single moment, of every single different stage. And I think this is something that women in their 30s, I'm starting to realize, do not talk about enough. I don't know about you guys, but it's like I want to have conversations of depth. I want to have conversations with women around a table where they're pushing my ceiling, you know? And we don't we don't talk about these kinds of things enough. I don't think we talk enough about how much life we live inside of one lifetime, or necessarily even how many times we have to like become someone new. Through this whole transition process, I feel myself becoming someone new. Mind you, I also feel like I've become someone new 18 million times in the last five years, you know, and there's so much factors into that. We change obviously physically, we unravel maybe old identities or old trauma or old baggage or things from childhood and relationships and whatever. We rebuild our lives, we choose different things, we have friendships that change. We become moms, we move, we move to new locations, to new places, to new states. Our dreams or our goals change, our relationships have evolved. Maybe we've moved on from an old relationship. Maybe you are literally walking through a divorce right now and you are feeling like your whole world is crashing down. There's grief, there's loss, there's death, there's a shift in identity. You guys, do you hear how much can possibly change in one lifetime? It's mind-blowing to think, and it's also we live one lifetime, but in that lifetime, we've lived multiple lifetimes, you know? And so I feel like I just want to say through this episode, you're not alone in your transition, you're not alone in feeling like you're beat down right now, you're not alone in feeling alone. There's so many times in the last months where I've literally felt so alone, you guys. And even when I've had people around me, I've felt alone because I feel like there hasn't been someone that's really understood what I'm going through. Even if that's not true, you know, maybe that's something that I'm like telling myself in my head that isn't really true, uh, you know, on the outside. But I want you to know you're not alone in your transition period. And that transition periods might be messy on the outside, but they are beautiful on the other side. And I think what I'm realizing too is that transitions, when we talk about them later, when we talk about them a year removed or even two years removed, they seem exciting and they seem like this thing we're proud to talk about. But when you're inside of it, it can feel really uncomfortable to talk about. Because sometimes you don't even know how to identify what you're feeling, you know? And there's some ways where this episode, maybe I don't even know. I need to go back. Obviously, I listened to it after I talk, but maybe this episode even feels like a little bit of all over the place in comparison to comparison to some of my other episodes. But I really just wanted it to feel real and raw and like meet you guys where you're at and also share where I'm at. That transition is messy, and when you're going through it, it is messy by nature, and that's okay. There's uncertainty, there's questioning, there's wondering, there's moments where you wonder if everyone else in the world has life figured out and somehow you're the only one who doesn't, you know. So I just want to say that if you're in a season of transition right now, you're not alone, you're not behind. You aren't doing life wrong because life feels unclear or unstable. You aren't failing because you're changing or shifting, and you're not alone if parts of your life don't fit into each other the ways that they used to. More of us as women are in this season of transition than we even realize. We are quietly pivoting, quietly becoming, quietly re-evaluating, quietly grieving old versions of who we are and stepping towards something that maybe we can't even fully see on the other side yet. We just know we have to move forward. Transition asks a lot of us, it is draining, it is tiring, it is physically taxing, emotionally draining, mentally, you know, expounding. Transition asks us to trust, it asks us to release, it asks us to soften, and it also asks us to stay open. And it's totally okay if that feels hard for you right now. It's felt hard for me. And so as you think about that, know that you don't have to rush towards clarity, you don't have to rush towards the next decision, you don't have to rush towards an answer, and you don't even have to have the answer yet. Maybe this season of transition isn't here for you to solve it or to figure it out. Maybe it's just here to change you. If that's where you are right now, I just want you to know that you are not alone in it. I'll see you guys next week because we are doing one episode a week for the next 90 days. Thank you for tuning into this episode of Behind the Cusp. If you love this episode, I'd so appreciate it if you'd rate, review, or share it with someone else who's also on their path of self-growth. These all go such a long way in supporting the show. Be sure to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. You can find me over on Instagram at StyleCusp and follow the show Behind the Cusp. And as always, keep tuning inward. True transformation begins from the inside out.