Hello everyone, welcome to the Said in Therapy Podcast. Have you ever considered going to therapy and you ended up not going? My question is why? In my humble opinion, I believe everyone can benefit from therapy. In fact, I believe everybody should go at least once in their life. My name is Iman Tohami and I'm a psychologist. This podcast tells you all about everyday cases with everyday people who have everyday problems and difficulties, and sometimes they carry around really deep wounds. These are their stories. Yeah, I just wanted to thank you for all the support and positivity that you gave me for last week's episodes. Was really amazing. I'm really happy that you liked it and that you really left so much positivity. I really appreciated it. And for sure, it gave me the motivation to keep going. And yeah, you know, remember when I told you a while back, please leave me Q&A questions that I could respond to on the podcast. Basically, I set up a link for that, and I will do that again, most definitely, because I got so many questions. I left a link so you could write down a little bit more about your situation and about your specific question so I can respond to them on the podcast. And I have received so many emails. It's really surprising in a way, but not really, because I also receive so many questions on my regular Q&As on Instagram. So I am really happy about the outcome. And I certainly will do this again, but for now, I would like to pick the questions that stood out the most to me. And I believe that they will resonate with a lot of people, not only that specific person who asked the question. I think these questions that I chose have the range to be speaking to a lot of you. This is basically what we're going to do today, and I hope you're going to enjoy it. Okay, here we go. Let's start. Um, this first question is about family pressure and marriage. As you can guess, that question was sent in by a woman. As I said, it's about family pressure and marriage. I will just read out the question aloud and then I will try to respond to it the best I can. Here we go. I am a 20-year-old woman, and my family is pressuring me to marry a man I do not love. They say I'm getting too old, and they are worried about what people will say. I feel trapped and suffocated. How do I stand up for myself without losing my family's support? This is one of the most frequent subjects covered on my social media channels, but also in therapy. And I think this is something that many, many women, especially in the Middle East, can relate to. Because if you go into conversations very emotionally, um, very tearful, close to outbursts, the likelihood for people to talk to you and listen to you will be much, much lower than when you go into a conversation level-headed and a little bit calmer. So this is something that you should also look at. The distress is real, for sure, but whenever you are trying to convince someone of your point of view, you really need to do this from a place of calmness. So I really, really encourage you, before you conquer the masses, find that one person you believe you could talk to without, you know, overexplaining yourself too much. And maybe you can get their advice, and even better, maybe they become your ally and you can go into that conversation with their help. And I know it's not easy, I know it's really hard, but that's the only way, especially if you don't want to cut ties with your family, which is anyway not advisable. It's a battle that you can definitely win. It takes a little bit of resilience, but I am sure if you keep trying, you will get your way in the end. And yeah, good luck. I know it's hard. All right, on to the next question. This one is about workplace harassment. And I will read out the question for you. I'm a young professional working in a male-dominated industry. My boss has been making inappropriate comments and advances, but I'm afraid to report him because I don't want to lose my job or face backlash. How do I cope with this situation without sacrificing my mental health? Yeah, look, that's extremely hard because I do know how important career is for many people. I also do understand that the backlash is something it is a very, very realistic fear. However, workplace harassment is a very serious issue. I would encourage you to do something about it. Maybe you do this in very subtle ways, not all at once. And here is the idea of how you could attempt doing something about it before you get out the big guns, if you will. So for starters, document every single incident discreetly and consider reaching out to HR every single time. And if you feel you have the courage and the mental health and the stability to do so, please do that. But if you feel HR is too much of a challenge at the moment, go to a trusted colleague and ask for support. The most important thing is I know with your boss it's not always possible, but make sure or limit at least that you spend the least amount of one-on-one time with him. And if you can, try to have witnesses. If the environment becomes unbearable, please, please, please explore other options to find a different job. I know this is easier said and done, but if you are constantly exposed to a hostile work environment, I guarantee you this will sacrifice your mental health more than anything. So start small, document everything. If it's too much for you, maybe you can find someone within the workspace that can help you and limit your time with your boss one-on-one as much as you can. And hopefully you can find someone who is witnessing what's happening to you. And good luck. Let's just call it maybe forbidden love. Yeah, I think that would go well. Forbidden love. Alright. Here is the question. I'm in love with someone from a different religion, and my family would never accept. We have a meeting in secret, but the guilt and fear of being discovered are eating me alive. How do I deal with emotional turmoil? Okay. Let's get into this. First of all, forbidden relationships can be extremely stressful, especially when cultural and religious expectations are at odds with your feelings. I don't know how religious you are, but if this has more to do with your family, then this requires a different approach. But if you are someone who feels very attached to their religion and their cultural background, you need to look at this relationship from a different lens. So there are two approaches. It's very important to weigh the consequences of your choices and decide what will what it will bring you long term. Because if it's anything other than peace, I would actually suggest think twice. And I believe that this situation, even though it sounds so common, warrants the decision to go speak with a therapist. Because only then you can navigate the very complex situation that you're in, especially because it's a battle between mind and heart, if you will. And then maybe if you reach the conclusion that this relationship is worth pursuing, you can also explore ways to communicate with your family. If you come to the conclusion it's not worth your peace of mind, maybe you can find a way to end this. And I say this very, very carefully because I am aware that this is not necessarily the advice people want to hear. But first and foremost, I do believe that your mental health is the most important thing. And if a relationship in the long term will not give you peace of mind, you should really reconsider. That said, there are so many relationships that are worth fighting for. Let's see how far we can go. Because, you know, I don't like to have episodes that are too long. I like them to be engaging, and so you don't drop out in the middle, you know. I don't want to bore you. However, this question is something that I believe is very important and we should actually address much more. And I have already spoken about this in my podcast, but I think this question uh highlights once more how important it is that we speak about it. And it is about social media. And here's the question: I constantly compare myself to others on social media: perfect families, luxurious lifestyles, successful careers. It makes me feel like a failure, even though I know it's not real. How do I stop feeling this way? Listen, I have treated a lot of influencers, and I can tell you the lives that you see on social media are definitely not real. So basically, it's very important to remember if you compare yourself to someone on social media, you are actually comparing yourself to something that isn't real. This is the most important thought that you should always, always, always have the back on your head. Now, we all tend to forget, even I, and to combat that, I would say limit your time on these platforms and focus on your own achievements. You don't know, or actually, I believe you do know, how much time social media eats from our lifespan. And I want to say that social media did this by design. They want you to stay on social media, they want you to follow those influencers because in the end, it's all about the marketing strategies. They want you to buy what they have, they want you to get what they have, they want you to live the lifestyles that are designed around consuming things. And once you realize that, you will also understand that this is not necessarily the lifestyle you want to have. But believe me, influencers have a very challenging lifestyle. I'm not saying that they don't have luxury, I'm not saying that they don't, that they are not exposed to a lot of wonderful things and events. However, I just want to tell you that so many of them do not even sleep. They are always chasing the best next thing. They always want to be trending and feel this enormous pressure to put out content at all times. I don't know if this is worth the hassle. You know what I mean? But at the end of the day, I am not judging their lifestyle. I just want you to understand it's not all glamour and success and money. It's much, much more because in the background they have so many problems that you have no idea about. And I am sure you have followed the controversies and you know the problems that social media influencers have, and they are all living very real lives with very real problems. Okay, let's do one more. Oh, yeah, this is a very, very common one, and I want to read this for you because I do believe it's important that we talk about it. My parents want me to become a doctor, but I've always dreamed of being an artist. I feel like I'm letting myself down, but pursuing their dream is making me miserable. How do I find balance? Look, the only way out of it is basically to face the battle full on. I don't think that there is any other way out. If you don't want to be a doctor, you will be a miserable and horrible doctor. There are so many people that I know that pursued the degree just to get the degree and the title and then moved on to do something else. And in the end, it worked out for them. However, it's also a waste of time, if you will. But if you need this to have your own security built and then do whatever you want, you can certainly do that. I don't think that in our era, right now, especially degrees are as they used to be. They don't give you what you seek, especially the title of doctor. You know, it's very common to feel torn between parental expectations and personal passions. I do believe that in the end, having an open and respectful conversation with your parents about your aspirations is extremely important. Now, we haven't really spoken about what kind of artist you want to be. I would say show them how committed you are, show them how passionate you are about your art, but also, and I think this is most important, show them that you have a plan. Because if you do not have a plan to pursue a career that is outside of the norm, they will not take you seriously. If they remain unsupportive, consider seeking guidance from a mentor, how you can maybe combine your studies with pursuing a different type of career on the side, or maybe just maybe do as I mentioned in the beginning, finish your degree and then move on to doing whatever you want to do. I personally believe that degrees are not as important as they used to be. However, I also know that so many families insist on having that title. It all depends on your family structure and how understanding and supportive they can be after a big, big fight, because this is going to be a fight. Can they actually recover from a choice like that? And also, if you decide to drop out of university, for example, to pursue your artistic career, is there any chance for them to reconcile with the idea of you dropping out of university if they see that you're actually successful? Okay, guys, this is it. This is my first Q&A episode. I do hope that you enjoyed this, and I do hope that this is something that you would like hearing again in the future. And for that, please, please, please send me emails, leave comments, tell me more what you would like to have on the podcast, and I will definitely try to make that happen for you. Thank you so much and have a great day. Bye.
SPEAKER_00Hey, thank you so much for tuning in. And hopefully, you will tune in again next week. It will be another episode talking to or about clients of mine, and you can find us on social media on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. The handle is always @saidintherapy. Thank you so much.