Hello everyone, welcome to the Said in Therapy Podcast. Have you ever considered going to therapy and you ended up not going? My question is why? In my humble opinion, I believe everyone can benefit from therapy. In fact, I believe everybody should go at least once in their life. My name is Iman Tohami, and I'm a psychologist. This podcast tells you all about everyday cases with everyday people who have everyday problems and difficulties, and sometimes they carry around really deep wounds. These are their stories.
SPEAKER_02And then one question came, and it asked if I had ever been diagnosed before. And I answered honestly that I went through my own anxiety journey, trauma journey, and that I had the diagnosis of general anxiety disorder, and that I have been working on it for many, many years. And I wasn't expecting all the questions that came up after this story. So I put up another Q&A to just gather and collect all the questions that came related to trauma. And again, I wasn't expecting how many questions actually came up. So I want to dedicate this episode on to actually respond, maybe not only to the questions, but also give you a little bit more insight on how on how I managed my journey and how I tried to cope with everything. So let me just open the questions. And actually, here's one thing that I want to just highlight. You have no idea how much I appreciate, and I'm sometimes even struggling with the idea that so many people trust my opinion and send in all of these questions, and they actually wait for the input. So I'm trying my best to respond as much as I can, but sometimes questions are repetitive, and sometimes it's just not the right time to answer them. Sometimes I have something in store and I wanted to wait a little bit, you know, because I know in the future I will go in depth regarding this one topic that you are asking about. So I would like to ask you to actually keep on checking on my profile and the things I post. And hopefully, hopefully, hopefully, you will find your questions answered, maybe not in a direct way, but in an indirect way. So, yeah. Also, one thing before I start neither this podcast nor any of my Q&A will ever replace actual therapy. This is a very, very important disclaimer for me because I get it, you can get inspired through social media, you can learn a lot through social media if you use the tool correctly. But it is the same as Googling, you know, and researching and reading books. You will never be able to get a hands-on diagnosis unless you go to someone who is professional and let that person assess you. If you don't do that, you will never have an accurate idea of what's going on or what you need to work on, or what the coping mechanisms are that you need to go from a dark place to a better. I also want to highlight that even people like me who are educated in the field and have been working in the field for so many years still need to go to someone else to get the right assessment. Of course, there are always ideas of you know what could be happening inside of me, but the reality is without my own therapist, I would never know. And I always use the analogy for heart surgeons. So if you're a heart surgeon and you're a good one, you could be the very best in the world, you will still have to go to another heart surgeon if you have a heart condition. It is impossible to operate on yourself. And this is actually something that you need to keep in mind when you try to look for therapy methods that don't involve a professional. I am not saying that therapy is for everyone, but I am saying if you're open to the journey, therapy is one of the best gifts that you can give yourself. So, having said all that, I just want to jump in and let's see. So here we go. Let's start with, um by the way, as I said, if a question is repetitive, I will just sum it up to one question. So I try to, you know, bring them in order so it makes a little bit more sense chronologically. But I as I said, I will just tell you what I have in mind, and this is absolutely not scripted because I don't think you know these types of podcasts need to be so complicated. So, how did you know something was wrong with you? Well, um, without going into too much detail about my story and my life and what actually happened, there was one incident that actually changed my entire life overnight. And looking back, I can actually spot this incident, this event, this particular event in my life, and say this is the cause, the root cause of the trauma that amplified everything that I was feeling already before all of that had taken place. So, for context, looking back, I really believe that I already struggled with depression and anxiety when I was younger. Um, and again, just for context, I will just very simplify the terms that I'm using here. I will not go into too much clinical terminology to just not confuse you. But for this podcast's sake, I will call the diagnosis that I got. Um, I will call it anxiety and the incidents that made it worse. I will call them trauma. So I I believe that I suffered from depression when I was younger and it was undetected for several reasons. Also, you know, in the 90s, it was not so common, even in Europe, for teenagers to go to therapy unless something was really, really wrong. And I wish I had known that this is something that I could actually turn to when I was 15, 16, but I was so afraid of the label that I actually said, you know what, I will deal with it by myself. So I remembered those episodes of depression that will come, and those left traces in me because I was also not capable of dealing with it correctly. So it was always easy to fall back into that um depressive mood. So there is already this history of undetected mental health issues that I haven't looked at. Um, despite the fact that I was very interested in psychology, I didn't really I didn't really label it as something that I needed, even though it makes perfect sense. But yeah, it is what it is. In 2008, something happened that radically changed my life. And up to this point in 2008, I had already been struggling with a lot of anxiety. I was going through a lot of changes in my personal life, I was going through a lot of um changes in my academic career. There's so many things that happened and that took place in the year before that already left me in a very bad state. So when 2008 hit, and I really see this as a turning page because for me, this is for me at least, where I can say, okay, this is the day where everything has changed. Now, trauma is not like that for everyone. People sometimes have very violent traumatic events that they can actually remember and say, hey, this happened ever since every ever since everything changed, or they go through traumatic events that continuously um shape their view on the world. And they wouldn't necessarily label it as a trauma because they don't know, they just think this is normal and they just take it in as something normal. And this is where this distinction comes in between uh PTSD and complex PTSD. But I will dedicate an entire episode to trauma because I believe this is one of the main topics that I should be covering, because there is still this misconception that trauma has to be something big. Everyone can be traumatized at any point in life. And so, back to the question: how did I know something was wrong? I knew something was wrong from the very moment where I told you this event took place. Um, the the better question would be when did I actually realize that I need to work on something here? So this brings me to the next question. Again, this is a sound-up question because I have gotten it so many times. What did I actually do after I realized something is wrong with me? And to be honest, because I was in the middle of my um studies, also clinical training, and so many things happened during that time that I didn't do much about it. So uh full disclosure, I didn't do very much about it, but I tried to journal. I tried, I had um a time where I was struggling with insomnia where I didn't sleep much, and when I slept, it was always filled with nightmares and dreams and things I didn't allow myself to process through throughout the day, and I used to process them throughout the night. So naturally, my sleep patterns were not very consistent and also not very healthy. Now, what was on my side here is the fact that I was still young, I was still in my 20s. So, in a way, I was still able to cope with all the stressors that I was dealing with physically but also mentally. So, when my supervision vision started with the clinical training, we have something that is called self-experience. Self-experience is basically you going to your supervisor and having actually therapy sessions. But again, during that time, a lot of things still were on the surface. I wasn't really willing to dig really deep because I knew there was a lot of pain. And if I unravel all of that, if I actually stopped poking the bear, I wouldn't be able to function. So keep in mind I was still in that state where I knew something is wrong, but I still have to function, and I was not willing to take a break. This is also something that wrecked on and on and on and on until one day went to sleep and I had what I know today is a full-blown panic attack. You know, there's this saying between psychologists and therapists if you don't deal with the issues when they can come knocking at your door when you are awake during the day, they will come knocking at your door at night, and then eventually they will break in the door when you're sleeping. And this is exactly what happened to me. I was really, really, really convinced that I was having a heart attack and that I'm going to die. So it took me a while to actually use breathing techniques and actually calm down and eventually find out okay, this was a panic attack. And yet, this was not the moment where I actually decided to go to therapy. Um I will tell you what the journey was looking like later on. So the next question: What are the techniques that helped you? Did you use any grounding techniques? So, yes, um, for context and reference, just for the people who don't know, grounding techniques are different tools that you learn throughout therapy, but you can also Google them and find them on the internet. Um, there are different things that you can use to actually bring yourself back to the present. It's in most cases um techniques for mindfulness. Um, and there are many tools and techniques that you can actually start using by researching them and see if they work for you. But other people also turn to prayer or journaling techniques and breathing, of course, breathing is always on top. So, did they work for me? And um, did I use them? Yes, and no. I don't think that the traditional working uh the traditional um grounding techniques were they had so much impact on me, but the general idea of them was what helped me in the end, but I personalized them. So there were different things that I would do to bring myself back to the present. One of them was always gratefulness, I would have this list in my mind of things that I'm grateful for. Of course, it was not always working every day, and every time I felt an anxiety attack happening, but at the same time, I also knew if I did it long enough and often enough that eventually it will sink into my subconscious and help me build up a new way of looking at the world. This was one thing. The other thing was hands down, one of the most effective things that I always talk about journaling. I journal every day. Sometimes I don't journal every day, but I journal often. So to the point that I journal on my phone, I journal on my laptop, I journal in an actual notebook that I carry with me at all times. So you always find a little notebook in my purse, and you will always find a telemeturse, and you will find me journaling anywhere and everywhere. And it doesn't really matter um what I journal because sometimes it's just doodling and writing words and writing sentences that don't make any sense for any outsider, but they help me. And this is also part of the journaling uh journey that I actually recommend everyone to explore. Are you still struggling? Yes, I do still struggle, but of course, not as much as I used to. And I worked hard on that. Now I know my triggers, now I know what helps me, now I know what I should be avoiding in order to not get regular anxiety attacks. And as soon as I feel that they are actually overtaking my life again, I also know when I have to hit the break and say, that's enough, I have to take a break. What also changed my life was that I'm actually now taking care of someone else. I have a daughter, so it's not only my life anymore. So for me, it's very important that still stay functional for my daughter, that I still, you know, give her the security that she needs as a child. And for that, I need to feel the security myself first. So I always have that in mind, and that helped me to hit the break very, very fast when I feel something is right. But apart from that, honestly, this is something that I needed to learn even before I had my daughter, because the reality is there's only so much energy all of us have, and we cannot use them all up in only 10 years or so. We really need to watch our bodies, we need to take care of our bodies, and in extension, we also have to take care of our minds and our you know, inner world and thoughts, and cultivate a good mental health that just helps us, you know, feel good about ourselves and our lives. Are intrusive thoughts something you deal with? Uh yes, sometimes, absolutely. And I don't think that anyone alive is not dealing with intrusive thoughts. We all have them. It is just a matter of if we are allowing them to pass by or if we allow them to manifest and make them part of our perceived reality that actually has nothing to do with the actual reality or truth. Were you ashamed when you received your diagnosis? Absolutely not. Actually, looking back, I believe that this was one of the best things that could have happened to me. Actually, knowing this is what is going on, and these are the tools that I can use to make myself feel better. It was a relief. I never felt ashamed of anything related to my mental health journey. In fact, I wished, I really wished I had gone to get an assessment sooner. Last but not least, I think this is one of the questions that I get all the time. What can you recommend to someone who cannot afford therapy? Guys, I know therapy is expensive, but honestly, if you actually think of buying something that is a little bit pricey, maybe just maybe think of spending it on therapy. If you work on your mindset, if you work on your soul, um on your inner strength, if you work on actually understanding yourself and cultivating a healthy lifestyle, not only physically but also mentally, you will always, always be able to replace that money that you basically spend on therapy. It's hands down one of the best things to maintain your health. But I get it, therapy is expensive. Therapy is not accessible everywhere and to everyone. But there are therapists out there who do a lot of pro bono work. Unfortunately, pro bono spots are also very limited, so we cannot expect therapists, you know, to have more pro bono spots a week than they have paid pro bono uh paid sessions a week because you know this is their job, and they also still have to live and pay their bills and everything. So I would always reach out to therapists and see what they can offer. If pro bono is not an option, there are always, especially in the states, there are always um therapists who adjust their session fee to what you earn. So they calculate based on your salary how much you should pay for your therapy session. So there are ways if you don't have insurance to pay for your therapy, if you don't have the big cash amount of money to spend on therapy, there are always ways to still get the help you need. You just need to put in the effort and reach out to therapists. That can be tiring. I understand that. And especially because you don't know in the beginning what is the actual good fit for you, what you actually need. But this is the effort and the work that you need to put in in order to get the help that you need. If you want to work on yourself, this is something that you need to do. So, yeah, I hope that helped a little bit. Um, as I said, I didn't go much into the labels PTSD, trauma, complex PTSD, but I am planning actually a longer episode on explaining all of this, and I hope it was still beneficial for you. And I will continue this series until we can go back to regular interviews and talking about cases that actually resolve through therapy.
SPEAKER_01Right. I really hope you enjoyed this episode, and yes, talk to you soon. Take care, everyone. Hey, thank you so much for tuning in, and hopefully, you will tune in again next week. It will be another episode talking to or about clients of mine, and you can find us on social media on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram. The handle is always @saidintherapy. Thank you so much.