Hello everyone, welcome to the Said in Therapy Podcast. Have you ever considered going to therapy and you ended up not going? My question is why? In my humble opinion, I believe everyone can benefit from therapy. In fact, I believe everybody should go at least once in their life. My name is Iman Tohami and I'm a psychologist. This podcast tells you all about everyday cases with everyday people who have everyday problems and difficulties and sometimes they carry around really deep wounds. These are their stories. Today's episode will be dedicated to one very important subject, depression, or how psychologists call it major depressive disorder. Feeling down from time to time is a normal part of life. But depression is more than just sadness that we feel in response to life's struggles and setbacks. It leaves us hopeless and in despair. It changes the way we think, feel, and function in our daily life. It interferes with our ability to work, study, eat, and sleep. Just trying to get through the day is very overwhelming. Some people describe depression as living in a black hole. We all heard that before somewhere, but what people don't know is that depression can cause a lot of anger and restlessness, more commonly in men, for instance. However we experience depression, left untreated, it becomes a very serious health condition. Depression is a common illness worldwide, and based on the WHO's estimation in 2019 alone, 264 million people suffered from it. And that without the unrecorded cases. Today I want to introduce to you one of my patients who agreed to participate on this podcast. Bella moved with her husband from California to Amsterdam in 2014. The relationship didn't survive the move, yet Bella decided to stay in the Netherlands because she liked the life she has built for herself. But I think it's time to let her speak for herself. Hey Bella, first of all, thank you so much for participating. I know this was not an easy decision for you, but why don't you start from the beginning, wherever that is for you? Thanks for having me.
SPEAKER_00I guess I am a bit nervous.
SPEAKER_01Uh yeah, I get that. But you know what? It's only me and you, so you can stop at any moment.
SPEAKER_00Okay. So the beginning, I'm not really sure where to start, but what I can say is that I really thought that I'm going to lose this fight until I came to see you. So did you have suicidal thoughts? Yes, definitely. But you know, it was not like I wanted to die. I just wanted the emptiness to end. And that was scary. I thought there was no way out.
SPEAKER_01It is estimated that 50% of the people who die from suicide suffered from major depression. If we include substance abuse, that figure rises to 75%. And this is why depression is so serious and dangerous. And what about now?
SPEAKER_00No, that seems so long ago, almost like I'm telling you about someone else.
SPEAKER_01You know, I really love hearing that, Bella. And I hope you know what an accomplishment that is. Congratulations for that. So why don't you just continue?
SPEAKER_00Thank you so much. So, yes, I was diagnosed with a major depressive disorder in 2018, but before I didn't understand what was wrong with me. So I started researching and watching a lot of YouTube videos until I decided, well, maybe I have to go see someone, which I did, you know, but it took me six months until I found you.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, Bella and I met for the first time in July 2018. The first thing she said to me when she saw me, oh, I didn't expect that. I think another person asked you what that meant.
SPEAKER_00Yes, yes, very true. Well, we you were so young, which I later found out you weren't. But yeah, that was the first impression. Because before I came to you, I went to two different psychiatrists before I understood the difference between psychiatrists and psychologists.
SPEAKER_01How did you find out about the difference?
SPEAKER_00My best friend actually, and she did not explain much of it. She just said, one gives you medication and the other talks to you about your problems.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, that's mostly the essence. Yes, definitely. Because psychologists and psychiatrists often work together for the well-being of their client, the job descriptions overlap. However, there are crucial differences between the two. Because psychiatrists are trained medical doctors, they can prescribe medication, and they spend much time with their patients on medication management. Psychologists focus extensively on psychotherapy, treating emotional and mental suffering in patients with behavioral intervention. Psychologists are also qualified to conduct psychological testing, which is critical in assessing a person's mental state and determining the most effective course of treatment.
SPEAKER_00So I went to a psychiatrist first, and almost immediately they wanted to prescribe medication, and I'm scared to take any kind of medication.
SPEAKER_01There is one important thing that I want to highlight here because it isn't talked about enough. When you are depressed, you have days where it is really, really, really hard to get out of bed. And you did all of that work while you were depressed. Where did this motivation motivation come from?
SPEAKER_00This will sound stupid, but my two dogs.
SPEAKER_01Actually, that's not stupid at all. Pets are family members, and those who don't have pets underestimate the impact pets have on people who do.
SPEAKER_00I just want to say that it all sounds like I went out to do that in a week or so. That was not the case. It took me weeks. Sometimes I'd watch YouTube video and that's it. When I came to see you, I just thought, well, whatever, I didn't think it was going to work. So after a few sessions, you actually told me that it'd be better to start taking medication. That was hard for me. And I remember I skipped two sessions until you called me and said, if medication is off the table, then they're off the table, just come back. And I did. But in the end, I decided to try because it was so hard to have a normal day. And you kept saying it's not forever, it's not forever. And I believed you.
SPEAKER_01What was your therapy experience?
SPEAKER_00I hated it at first. I tried picking so many fights with you, but it never really worked. You once said something that really stuck with me. You said, Bella, if I had a magic trick to make the pain go away, trust me, I would use it. But these things need time. And if there is one thing we have, it's exactly that. Somehow that took away the pressure. I wanted to get better fast. But when I realized fast is not an option, I was able to give myself time to heal.
SPEAKER_01And how do you feel today?
SPEAKER_00I feel good. I have great days and I have bad days, but I learned bad days are okay and that there's always another day to start over.
SPEAKER_01I am sure you figured out that something is a little off with Bella's story. And the reason for that is Bella initially didn't want to mention part of his story, but after hearing the recording, she gave me the permission to talk about it. First things first, Bella's real name is not Bella, but we will leave it at that. Secondly, of course her divorce was a big part of a story. However, the reason Bella was so afraid of medication is her sister. Her sister overdosed a few years ago. Many people are afraid of medication. In Bella's case, however, it was exceptionally hard to convince her that medication is probably the best option for her. Bella now moves back to the United States and is ready to face her past. She is long off the medication. That brings us to the end of this episode. And I know that this subject was probably a heavy one. But you know, even though mental health awareness has come a long way, depression is not talked about enough yet. And to normalize the illness, it's very important to discuss it. Here are a few tips if you believe you suffer from depression. First, look for support from people who make you feel safe and cared for. They won't be able to fix you, but being hurt and understood is a relief. Second, make face time a priority. In the age of social media and cell phones, make it a point to meet people. Get out of the house. The simple act of moving out of the apartment or a room is healing in itself. Third, try to keep up with social activities, even if you don't feel like it. Fourth, and yes, much like in Bella's case, get a pet. Nothing beats human connection, but pets bring joy and companionship and help to feel less isolated. Caring for a pet can also help you to leave the house, which is a powerful tool against depression. I want to thank everyone for listening. Please let me know what you think about the episode so far. But also, if you have any topics you want me to cover, let me know. Please reach out on social media and leave a comment there or DM me. Follow me on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. The handle is always @saidintherapy.