When Someone Else Changes Your PACE

Have you ever been having a perfectly good day—and then someone says something, does something, or makes a decision that completely changes your PACE?

Suddenly you're irritated, frustrated, defensive, or angry.

The question is: Who gets to control your PACE?

In this episode, RG Williams explores what happens when we unknowingly hand someone else control of our emotional state—and how the Aloha Operating System framework of Pause, Acknowledge, Correct, Execute helps us take ownership of our next move.

This isn't about excusing bad behavior, avoiding conflict, or allowing people to cross boundaries.

It's about recognizing a simple truth:

Someone else may change the circumstances, but they don't automatically get to change your PACE.

Your PACE belongs to you.

Watch your PACE.

This episode was recorded during an Aloha Operating System Free Live Experience.

Thanks for listening to The Aloha Operating System.

If something in today’s episode caused you to pause, see something differently, or recognize an adjustment you need to make, don’t leave it there.

Pause. Acknowledge. Correct. Execute.

That’s PACE — and small corrections, consistently executed, can change the direction of your life.

🌴 Experience AOS Live — Join RG for the free weekly Aloha Operating System Live Experience.

🧭 Begin with the AOS 7-Day Reset — Seven days to interrupt old patterns, become aware of the operating system behind your results, and begin installing something different.

✨ Follow the podcast and share this episode with someone who may need it today.

Pay attention to your PACE.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:02

Now we're good to go. All my my great technology. So hope everybody had a great week. There's Patty. Let me get her back in here. Come on, one more. There we go. Tony, you trimmed up your beard, brother. Awesome, yeah. That's awesome. Yeah, I had a great weekend. I hope you're had a great week. Hope you guys did too. Um, man, I tell you, there's some really fun stuff coming down the pipe that I spent the last week uh putting 52 52 weeks of content together. Just brutal. Just brutal. But it's done, it's there. So so now I can move forward in and and uh like you said I had recorded last week, I'd recorded almost 130 in one set and 87 in another, all these clips, and man. Then I get exciting news that Lockstock and Barrel is is moving forward with one of their properties and getting that, and just some phenomenal stuff. And just yeah, there's just some really cool stuff happening in in life. I was out in Kansas City, and Kansas City has become one of my new, uh, as Jennifer knows, her and I were working out there years ago. Um it's one of my cities that I frequent a lot. And I was out in Kansas City and um was able to visit one of my great uh restaurants that I enjoy a lot out there. It's uh uh Cooper's Hawk. It's uh if you've never been to a Cooper's Hawk, it's great. It's a nice uh wine and steak. And Mark and I get it when we're in Scottsdale together. Anyway, it was just a really good time. And the way things have been going for me over the last couple of years have been phenomenal and just calming myself down and you know, pacing myself and setting back and pausing and acknowledging versus just flying off the handle and old school blow up first. And and I think I've shared it with you guys that my daughters would prefer me to show up because they know I'm just gonna be that little barking chihuahua, and then my wife will show up and she'll take care of all the discipline. But if dad shows first, he's just gonna go off and then he'll calm down. And so I've been working hard the last couple of years of just pacing myself, just getting in there, pausing, acknowledging, looking at what I need to do. And over the weekend, something happened, and and I gotta share with you. Um, and it's not that the whole story because the the per the other person that was involved isn't isn't the important piece. I'm not gonna say she wasn't important, but that that wasn't the important. The important point was that I I was interacting with somebody whose attitude, behavior, and way of communicating and way of looking at things irritated me from the get-go. Right up front, man. I I was impatient with just the beginning, and I don't know if you guys have had that. You know, somebody that's condescending, closed-minded, uh, find every reason why it won't work, versus listening to opportunities that may work, uh, looking at it in different things, you know, that just anyway, it threw my pace off. And I was fortunate that I was able to set sit at the back of the room on this when I wasn't usually I'm in front of the room teaching. So I was able to capture capture my my my thoughts and so forth as went. But as the the um as the weekend progressed, it was just some additional she never stopped the comments, they just kept going. And it what really gets me is that I I like to say, and I did in my first book I wrote, um nobody can hurt your feelings unless you give them permission because they're your feelings, right? I used to talk to my mom about that a lot. It's like, well, that hurts my feelings. Well, why are you letting somebody else control that? You're in control of those feelings. So it's the same thing that I used to say in that is like, well, nobody controls me. Nobody can, yes, really? Really? Are you sure? You know, if somebody cuts you off in traffic, do you get angry for the next few miles? You know, it it my my daughters to, and this is one of the things that I learned that I was going off handle way too fast, is they never wanted to ride with me because they didn't like the way I not I drove, but because I was so verbal. Right? I was just, man, a few years ago, every every word I could think of I knew penetrated my glass windshield into their glass and into their car, and they heard every word I was yelling at them, right? Until my wife and my daughters said that, you know what? They can't hear you. They don't even know they upset you. They and if they cut you off, so what? Why are you allowing it? So I've been working really hard until this weekend. And then I slipped, right? I slipped off pace. And this whole thing came in, and what happened is what I found myself doing was defending my position in what I was assisting the instructor with a particular topic, and I was relaying an actual experience, and this person kept coming back with all the negative and stuff, and so I got myself into allowing her to get under my skin, allowing her to control, criticize, control my feelings, control the whole thing. And that's when it hit me that I what I needed to do was to simply walk away. When I walked away, my thought was no, I shouldn't have walked away. I should have handled it a little bit different by allowing her to have her thoughts and allowing the situation to de-escalate itself. But what I realized was I allowed her to control my pace. I allowed her to control my thoughts, I allowed her to control my feelings, I allowed, and so I simply removed myself from the situation. I uh packed up, headed to the airport early, and just sat at the airport and pulled out my journal, had a great, great conversation with myself and went through because in an emotional state we tend to lose, right? We tend to lose the direction that we've been working on. We tend to lose, uh, and and remember as I talked about a few weeks ago, that we fall back to the familiar, we fall back to a default, and when we fall back to that default, it is the familiar because it's the normal, because it's the comfortable, right? Nobody was wrong in the situation, nobody was wrong. Because, right, our our perspective is our reality. My oldest son, well, my oldest being my son, um he is colorblind. And so purples are and browns are the worst shades for him. And so he will ask at times if we're gonna, hey, dad, does this, he'll send me a picture, right? A bit a clip. Does do these match? Do these colors look good together? Yes, and you're okay. And he's done that all his life. But if we sat down and we had a discussion, and it could have, you know, could could escalate and become heated of the shirt is purple, the shirt is blue, this purple is blue, it's purple, it's blue, it's green, it's yellow, who's correct? Both of us. Because it's our reality. He sees one color, I see a different color. That doesn't mean we're wrong. So in the situation that she was, she she I fell back into an old operating system that I allowed somebody whose point of view is is is personality was rude, condescending, um miserable in life. But those were all my views. So I was interpreting her world from my guidelines. I was expecting her to respond based on my guidelines of how I would respond, versus allowing her to be who she was and me not getting upset about it. So that's where it stepped in, and I started really looking at the whole thing of I don't have to be right all the time. I don't have to be right all the time. I just have to be in harmony with me. And I think that is a critical piece that most of us lose is I was the the topic the of real estate subject that we were talking about, I have made a vast, vast fortune on. So I wanted her to understand that I knew what I was talking about. That was the wrong approach. It was the wrong approach. It had to be an approach of, hey, this is how it works, and then you get to choose whether you engage it or you don't engage it. But it had nothing to do with my success, it had nothing to do with my functioning, it had nothing to do with, but I made it that way. Does that make sense? I made it that way, I made it personal, and it was an excellent, excellent uh lesson for me because I was able to pause. And you know, that the the the thing that I think is the most important is the A in the in that pace is to acknowledge, is to acknowledge that she irritated me, that that you know doesn't agree with what just happened, or it's an argument, or they crossed a boundary. Well, whose boundary? That kind of stuff. Or is it down the lines of I handled that poorly? Now that doesn't mean I was wrong. That doesn't mean any of us were wrong. If we go and we're talking, we sit back and go, wait a minute, I handled that differently. I should have handled it. Now, I didn't even want to like the word should. I handled that incorrectly. This would have been a better way to handle it. That's the acknowledgement. Right? And so then you get into the C, and that's correct. And you go, okay, pause, breathe through it, acknowledge what happened, where it played, and then set back and say, okay, now I got to correct this. Not because I was wrong, but because I ran an operating system that I'm not in harmony with anymore. Remember a few weeks ago, we talked about the operating system that brought you to where you are does not demand that you have to stay in that same operating system to move forward. So I had defaulted to an old operating system that was no longer in harmony with me, and that made me unhappy. So then I had to step back and say, okay, great, now here I am. Now we execute what? Execute the move movement. Great. What I learned is that I can move to that faster than I ever have before. Will Smith always said, fell fell faster, fell forward faster. Right? What I want to get you guys thinking is how do you align your harmony quickly? Because you're gonna skip. There's going to be issues, and things are gonna hit, and that right there is what drives the difference, right? I know I got angry, but I know I lost my patience, but that word is my mentor always taught me this. When you use the word but, it means that everything you said before the word but is a lie. Because what comes after the word but is the truth. Hey, I really like going out with you, but hey, I really like doing business with you, but then the truth comes. So this over here is just the preparation of you know, the preparing to get you into the truth. I really got angry, but no, you just are saying that. What you did is you slipped off your pace. What you did is you defaulted back. So the uh the issue isn't always were you right, were you wrong? It's do you remain the person you're intended to be in the situation? Right. If if you've been going through something and you're you're finding it that it's it's a very well let's go to COVID. This is probably good because it's an extended, it's an extended period of time that all of us were caught up in, and we can all relate to. COVID was one of those times in history that will always be a point that changed the world. World War II, we dropped the bomb in here in Hiroshima point in history. Right? Point in history that we're always looking back, and COVID hit and it pushed all of us into understanding new operating systems. It took industries out of the picture, it changed industries completely. You take industries of the uh uh taxi industry, the taxi industry was completely changed with Lyft and Uber. The the way we shop, of course, that was happening with with Amazon, but the way we shop, now we have the DoorDash and the Uber Eats. And um the other day, my wife was buried in a whole lot of stuff because we've got the my my daughter's wedding coming up, and so she was buried in everything, but needed to get to the grocery store, but didn't have that time to take a couple of hours to get to the grocery store. And the next thing I know, she's carrying in bags. We're like, Did you go to the store? She goes, No, I had it delivered. And that stuff never existed before before uh COVID, right? Working remote, Zoom, right? We never had this. We had Skype. And those of us that are old enough, we understand and remember Skype. We're like, you got a Skype, Skype in, let's go, right? Okay. But now we can do this every Monday night. Now Mark and I is like, hey, you got something? Yeah, jump on a Zoom, let's talk. Right? It's an immediate thing that we can connect. Yes, we have FaceTime on phones and that kind of stuff, but Zoom changed the way we do business. Absolutely. Remotes. So then that ripple changed everything in the commercial real estate space. Because now what was always needed for big square footage is no longer needed. And those investors that had built things out to have, remember, my son's company added a million-dollar wing onto their company or onto their building. And after COVID, that million-dollar wing set empty, 100% empty. So that was just spinning a million dollars into the air. So now you look at it and go, okay, I can't operate the same way. But yet we want to fall back on that, right? We fall back on that. Old school says, you know, listen. Old school says react. Old school says, oh my gosh, you know, just what you're always right. Oh, old school, that's old school, but maybe it's not in harmony anymore. Maybe what you've got to look at is, man, the person who irritated me, how much do they affect you? How much do you they affect you? And I've always looked at it this way, and this is what I love because we were talking earlier, Marty and I, of how close we really are to each other in mental games. What I've always loved is if you do not pay my bills, so what I've loved is this thought pattern is where I'm going. If you don't pay my bills, if you don't accomplish my goals, if it is not worth my attention or adds to any of it, I'm not going to give it my time. Now that doesn't mean I don't like you, that doesn't mean I don't want to be around you. But if it doesn't give me purpose or passion, okay, I'm not going to give it time or attention until I run into a situation that I allowed to have me fall back. Because in that conversation with that lady, she doesn't pay my bills, she doesn't accomplish my goals, she doesn't do any of that. But man, did I open my doors and allow her to get under my skin? That was an old operating system. So the faster I was able to move myself back into harmony, the faster I was able to calm down and relax and start moving forward. And it's that immediate reaction that will tell us how our operating systems are working. Right? So somebody says something, we react. Is that how we want to do that now? A song comes on the radio, we react. Right? There's anchors. There's anchors that are given to us all the time. You guys can know, man, you certain smells. Certain smells take you back. Right? There's certain smells that absolutely take me back to my grandma's house. You guys remember the the twin popsicles? I don't know what else they call them, the twin pops, so you could break them in half, that kind of stuff, right? We'd go to my mom's grandma, or my mom's mom, my mom, my grandma mom's side, and all of the cousins would show up and they would get the twin pops. We would show up a little bit earlier, and grandma always had creamsickles for us. So we got the really good stuff while all my cousins got the twin pops. Every time I get a cream sickle, guess where I go? I go to grandma. Right? I'm immediately taken back with a creamsickle. It's just an ice cream, but every time I get a cream sickle, I'm right back with grandma. And then that ripples more, right? It ripples more because my grandmother loved puzzles and watching baseball. So I'm eating a creamsickle. All I can think about are jigsaw puzzles and baseball games. Then I get into, oh, I had a baseball game. Then it triggers on, man, you got to have a hot dog and a beer. And then that trick, right? On and on and on. But then I when you so those are the things that trigger us in a good way. But then there's other things like I shared uh last week when my daughter had to deal with the, or two weeks ago, whenever that I recorded that, when my daughter had to deal with one of her friends uh taking his life, and it immediately triggered me with my brother. So we go down those same paths, right? But at the same time, how fast do you get back into harmony? Because you don't want to give it away anymore. You don't want to give your, you don't want to give your essence out to anybody else, you don't want to give your peace out, you don't want to give in to allowing people to ruin anything for you in your harmony. Now listen, and of course, correct, but don't give up, right? Because here's what you got to think through. If that person is impossible to deal with, arrogant, you know, any of that kind of stuff, maybe you feel like they don't respect me, then I'm gonna say that think about your first reaction, and that will help you understand what your operating system is. And man, I'm gonna jump into something here really haven't for a long time. When I when I think about my ex-wife, this has nothing to do with other exes, this is just my system. When I think about my ex-wife, I well, I'm gonna say it, you guys will think about as it is. I am so repulsed, I want nothing to do, I want no memories, none of that kind of stuff. I do not ever want to get back into a situation where that type of personality, on and on and on, right? So you may have those type of people in your life, you may have that, that it's just one of those, and I am so grateful that all my kids are older now that I haven't for many, many years had to deal with that until I allow those memories to pop back up, and they will. The whole point of the Aloha operating system to me, and this is what I'm pushing hard, is to get it back in harmony as quickly as possible. To know that where you sit is not necessarily, or excuse me, how you react to something that happens is not necessarily where you want to be. So, how fast do you get back to where you want to be? And my mentor always taught me that you will you will slip off your pace. You will, it's gonna happen. But how much time do you want to give that? Right? He used to say it this way. Well, right at right at the time that I have my mentor as well. I had just finished the divorce and so forth. And he and he said, How much time do you want to give your ex-wife? I said, about three seconds. And he goes, Okay, then give her three seconds. I said, because he said, because your brain is asking for that three second. But I would wake up because it would be, yeah, I might as well finish this story. It would be that after after visitation with my child with my kids, I'd be so frustrated with how she was dealing with the kids and so forth that I'd be awake at night, right? Or I'd wake up in a in you know a dead dream or what or dead dead, wake up from a dead sleep because of a dream or something that I had. And then I'm up for a couple of hours going over in my head how how bad she was for the kids. And he said, but you only want to give her three seconds. Yeah. He said, Okay, great. Then when you wake up in the middle of the night, you're thinking through that, count down from 10 backwards. 10, 9, 8, and carry it backwards and pause and calm yourself until you give her three seconds versus two hours. And over a period of time, got to where now there's there's not there's no time given. So that's the same thing in looking at your pace. What is your pace? If you've slipped off your pace, then pause. Acknowledge that you've slipped, then correct. And then from the correct, it's execute, which brings in the next piece that Mark and I have been working on diligently, and we call it the next step. And your next step is to to to see it, to train yourself to execute that inside and proceed. So whether you're on your pace or you're taking a step or whatever you're going, the whole thing is you may slip, but quickly get back in pace, get back on your step, get back into the game. Because without executing anything, nothing outside of your head is going to change. So you may do some superficial things, but you continually bounce back to this old operating system because you haven't executed or engaged the whole new you. And until you put that together, sometimes it takes a flat out coming to Jesus meeting with yourself. And sometimes it needs one of those massive, massive resets, right? Because you don't know that you're repeating. That's why I want you when you're looking at these things on a weekly basis, the topics we talk about, is pause for a minute and acknowledge what's going on in your life good, bad, and not good. Right? Look at that pause and then go, okay, I'm gonna acknowledge that. That was fantastic. Maybe you did something that was just absolutely out of the norm that you haven't ever done before, and you just it was the greatest thing ever. Pause and acknowledge that.

unknown 29:10

Right?

SPEAKER_00 29:11

To do it again, and then you get in a position where you get to where you don't want to do something, it becomes an automatic opportunity for you to move that operating system. Two weeks ago, I was looking at myself in pictures out in Boston at the wedding, and realized I didn't like the size of my waist. I had a big gut. And I'm like, man, this is no more. This is no more. And great, it was the old operating system. So I took a heavy reset, had that coming to Jesus meeting, and I went at it. And I have to say that I'm so, so disciplined now that every morning I'm up. My my new routine is a 30-minute workout every morning. And there's been mornings that I drag my fanny out of bed because I don't want to. I don't want to. And then I go, no, that's not your operating system. It's not your operating system. So get in, bam, knock that out, get that. Now I'm feeling better, right? No, two weeks isn't going to get rid of the gut, but it's a start. Because you can sit back and look at the picture all you want and complain about it, but if you don't do anything, nothing happens. So it's the same thing if you're always arguing with people, if you're not doing your operating system, if you're off your pace, then do something about it. Do something about it, right? Whether you're right in the middle of ugliness or right in the middle of happiness, right? That's the whole thing you've got to be looking at is great, how do I continue this happiness? How do I stop this ugliness? So this week, this week, I want you to take a real quick look at do you pause before a reaction? Do you pause before a reaction? Something happens, do you pause and do you acknowledge what just happened? Good, bad, and exciting. Right? Look at it that way. Everything that happens, everything you do, look at that. Do I pause or do I just immediately react? And if you're reacting quickly, then give yourself a count of five. Pause for five seconds, then react. Then react. Next week, next week we're gonna hit some real fun stuff in going in, but I'm gonna do it a little bit different. Next week, next Monday night is uh Labor Day, or next Monday is Labor Day. So I'm not gonna hold it live. I will record, I will send out to you the recorded message so that way you can enjoy one of the last holidays for the year, right? Or the summer, not the year for the summer. Uh that kind of stuff get together. But I'll send that out to you. It'll all the YouTube will still have all of that. Um, Marty, you and I will be talking this week as we go through with all the other stuff we've got going anyway. But I'm gonna get it out to you, and then we've got things that are going to start with that one, that every week is going to have a very specific topic. And I'm gonna move you through that. We've got 52 weeks, so we're gonna start that September 1, take us through September right uh uh or the end of, and we're gonna push it in there. And I had fun last week as well, is I created a uh basically a playing card deck of 52 cards. And if you guys have had a chance to read my book, Kahu, The Keeper of the Bean, uh, the story of moving through, Kahu Wisdom Scrolls is where we're going. And these are these, in fact, if if you guys are very interested, I I think that email went out. I know Mark got it. I don't know if everybody else did. If you'll go back and look at your email, there was one that said I had a free gift for you. If you'll go back through and search your email out, the one you used to register for this, uh, if you'll go back in and find that and then just fill out so I have your mailing address. I'm more than happy to send you uh my book. And uh it's fun. Anyway, we're gonna be doing these what we call the Kahu Wisdom Scrolls, and we're gonna be taking these steps through because what I have done over the last two years are exactly these 52 cards. And the difference in one, my income, the difference in my attitude, the difference in my family's attitude, and everything is important enough to me now to share it. So we've had fun for the last several months. Now we're gonna get real serious on this and put it into an organization, organized format of what we're gonna do. So it'll start next week as pre uh pre pre-recorded, and then please share this with everybody. The YouTubes are up or the YouTube channel, just go to Aloha Operating System or pull up RG Williams. Uh, subscribe, listen to them, share with other people. There's gonna be a ton more. A lot of interviews are up in there. We've got a lot of uh fun stuff coming down. Mark and I are buried in a lot of things behind the scenes that we're pulling together, and so grateful for everybody. I'm gonna end it tonight. I I don't know what happened, but my son is just clogged up. You've probably already heard it that it went that way. Um, so I am bagged. And with that, I love you guys. I so appreciate your discipline of being with me here Monday night. And uh so grateful. I will see you via recording, as we used to say, live or memorex. It'll be memorex next week and uh be live on that. But let's get going. Love you guys. I'll talk to you soon.