Safe To Be Seen

The Modern Dating Crisis: Why finding your person feels hard and what to do about it.

• Brandon & Darci

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Dating right now feels exhausting—and it’s not just you.

In this episode, we break down what’s actually happening beneath the surface of the modern dating world. Why connection feels harder. Why people are more guarded, disconnected, and unsure of how to build something real.

This isn’t about blaming men or women.
It’s about understanding the nervous system patterns, survival strategies, and identity loops that are shaping how we show up in love.

We talk about:
– Why your nervous system is choosing familiarity over connection
– The hidden patterns keeping you stuck in the same dating cycles
– The truth about attraction vs. safety
– What actually creates depth, polarity, and lasting connection

If you’re dating right now—or avoiding it altogether—this episode will change how you see everything.

Because the problem isn’t dating.
It’s the patterns you’re bringing into it.

Holos Healing: 30 Days of Somatic Meditation: https://darci-burke.mykajabi.com/offers/FXbMNHJ7/checkout

@safe2bseen

@holos_heal

@gettinlostisbeingfound

SPEAKER_06

To go into a date, let's say, or like a situation where you're like creating a new connection with someone who you may want to, you know, have a relationship with, to put on a show, to put on a mask, to be what you think they want. And obviously that's gonna be a disaster once like if you get into that relationship, because then you're stuck. Having to continue to play a role that you actually don't want to play anymore.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

And if you stop playing it, because your eventually your soul will demand that you do, that you be authentic, well then your partner's gonna be like, who the hell are you?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

That's not who I married. So just I know it's so hard. It's like going into a job interview where obviously you're gonna put your best foot forward, you're gonna put your nicest clothes on. Yeah, fun. You're gonna make sure your teeth look clean and nice, and everything's perfect. That's great. But then, you know, in that job, there's gonna be days where you're gonna have bad days, you're gonna be and they're gonna be like, You're not the same person I interviewed. That's just a human that's a human nature, but just know that in like having that mindset going into relationship is gonna be a disaster. So much of our lives are shaped by scripts we never consciously chose patterns around love, success, safety, and belonging. And at some point, those scripts stop working. What once protected us starts to limit us. Safe to be seen is a space for honest conversations about that moment when your body knows it's time for something new. We talk about what it means to build safety first, so growth, intimacy, and expansion don't come at the cost of yourself. This podcast is about updating outdated identities, softening survival patterns, and learning how to stay present through change. We're Darcy and Brandon, and this is Safe to BC.

SPEAKER_01

I once heard a quote I love that says, travel makes one modest. You see what a tiny place you occupy in this world. And um I just think that's so true. And I remember even just literally moving from Utah to North Carolina, how much that opened up my perspective about the world and about people and about a different way of doing life. And um, I think just that simple move from when we moved to Utah to North Carolina sparked this desire in me to really want to explore all parts of the world. And we've been fortunate to be able to do a lot of that throughout our time together. And we just recently got back from an incredible experience in New Zealand that we just wanted to like briefly touch on and talk about what what we have gained from from traveling and um what we've learned about ourselves and other people and and kind of what what that experience was like for us.

SPEAKER_06

So yeah, our trip to New Zealand, the coming about of that was really beautiful because New Zealand has always been a place on my list, like really high up on my list of places that I wanted to see and visit. And a few months ago I had a client of mine from New Zealand. Um, and and he and I over time created a beautiful connection. And one day he mentioned to me about a healing festival, a healing event in in just outside of Auckland, New Zealand, and recommended that that you and I go and and tell our story there. Um be contributors, presenters. And it started there. And when that happened, it was like this door opened when we when we welcomed that opportunity and we um told the organizers of the event that yes, we would love to to contribute and tell our story. Um it just things unfolded seamlessly. I remember we were shortly after that um at the dinner table with our kids, and one night we were talking, we hadn't told them yet about anything, and I asked our son, our 15-year-old son, what are some of the top places in the world that he would want to see and visit? And New Zealand was one of them.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

And so I told them at that time, we told them at that time that we had this opportunity and that we were planning on making it happen. Um it's just it was a beautiful, it was beautiful to see that um through that connection with my client that a lifelong dream was able to come true. Yeah. For me and for our family, and um we were able to go and participate in that healing conference, tell our story, and it was a beautiful experience. It was so awesome.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it was so much fun. And actually that story began way long before you met Mark because um earlier this year we were on one of our walks, remember? Yeah, and we were, you know, we on our walks we talk about like our hopes, our dreams, our fantasies, our manifestations. And we had put out to the universe, the world, that we how much we would love to be able to travel the world and to share our story.

SPEAKER_03

That's true, we did.

SPEAKER_01

And then we just kind of left it at that and just kind of trusted that as long as we're living in alignment and um being true to ourselves and sharing our story, that this opportunity would come.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah. So like basically that through the telling of our story, doors would open for us to do so around the world. Yeah. Was our was what we put out there.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and that really is like, you know, manifestation, people think manifestation is this woo-woo topic. It it really literally is like science and spirituality mixed.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And I think it depends on what your relationship is to God and the universe, but I don't think the universe is on a budget.

SPEAKER_06

No.

SPEAKER_01

And I think that no limitations. Yeah, whatever you put out to the world, like there is this force out there that listens and wants to provide all of your desires and all of your hopes and all of your dreams and without um conditions.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

The conditions are upon yourself.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

It's the limitations that you place upon yourself that prevents you from having the things that you want in this world. And um, I like when people talk about, well, I don't have like money to travel, I understand. Like they're, they're, they're, it's expensive. And but also I think if you approach traveling with the mindset of instead of I can't do that, I can't afford it, how can I create space in my life to make this happen? And like operate from there. And that's true for anything that you desire in your life. Because if you were like, No, I can't afford that, that's you're gonna create that reality. You're not gonna be able to make it happen. Instead of how can I create space in my life to make this happen? Yeah, and we just kind of left it open to that. Yeah, there's just a little blurb in there for manifestation, but yeah, um, so what what were some of your big takeaways from the Disneyland trips?

SPEAKER_06

I actually learned so much. It's so it to your point, it's of course traveling, vacationing is I think probably largely done with the intention of um maybe relaxation or um diversion, fun, you know. Um for sure. That's that's that's great. Nothing wrong with that. But without without question, Darcy, I it was just confirmed for me that just like I talk about all the time in my content online and with my clients and with you and the kids in my entire world. I always talk about everything as a mirror. Traveling is too. And I learned so much. I learned well, I want to start with the like New Zealand itself first, and that is it is breathtakingly beautiful. Like unbelievably beautiful as far as the nature. In particular, for me, um, you know, I'm a huge lover of water, and of course, New Zealand is made up of two well, well several islands, but largely two main islands, the North Island and the South Island. So thick surrounded by water. I love that so much. But what really spoke to me while we were there were the trees. The trees were they were incredible. Like just the the abundance of the forestry and the the the the um the the trees are just there's they're everywhere and they're huge and they're beautiful and they're so ancient. You can tell. And I just I was really I I felt really connected uh to the trees and just really was taken taken aback by taken aback by their their beauty and their their power.

SPEAKER_01

Um there's so much wisdom in trees. Like it's like you don't really know what it is, but you just feel that when you're around them.

SPEAKER_06

It's like they're just they're so sturdy and rooted in the earth. Yeah. And they it's almost like I feel like their energy is just like so powerful, so strong. And almost just like they're just like witnessing us and like hoping that maybe we witness them too a little bit, and that maybe we see in them a little bit of ourselves. Yeah. Just like you know, the mirror effect. But they're not gonna force it. They just stand there, they're just there for us to take the opportunity to see them. You know? It's not like they're like an animal or like a dog that comes up to you and jumps on your like wags his tail and gets your attention. Yeah, they're just there.

SPEAKER_01

I know, I think that's that's the wisdom I'm like so curious about and like intrigued by. And I just think nature, we talk about this so much about nature, of how much we have to learn about nature, and that nature teaches us so much about ourselves, and that was one of my big takeaways from this trip.

SPEAKER_06

Specifically, the um, you know, there was this this specific tree that called to me a lot, and I looked it up, and it's called the Norfolk Isle Pine. The Norfolk Isle Pine. It's a really, really tall pine tree, but it's its branches are layered very evenly and like spread apart. So, like, I don't know how to explain it, but our listeners, if they if they want, they can look it up. The Norfolk, as in Norfolk, Norfolk, Virgin, Virginia. Um Isle Pine. Really beautiful. But um also, you know, so that's kind of like that was like my big takeaway from the place. There were many that that's the one that I'll touch on. But I wanted to just briefly talk about the people. That was the big like I remember we we did a bungee jump, and after I jumped, and the boat that picked me up, because we jumped over water, and you have this little boat that comes and picks you up and brings you to shore. And when they picked me up, the two people uh we got talking a little bit on the it was like a three-minute little ride back to the land, and they said, Well, what so what's been your favorite part of New Zealand? And I said, The people easily, like the people here are incredible. And they were like, Oh, that's so sweet. Like, you're welcome back anytime that you know we kind of joked about it, but it was I was being very sincere, and that's because what I found, Darse, was the people there are and also you know, tying back into nature, they're very you can tell they're very connected to their land and very connected to their bodies, very grounded people, very grounded people, very they're not a people in in a hurry at all. They're not a people of competition, of scarcity, they seem to really understand what's important in life, you know, presence and relationship and connection to body and and earth. And I I felt that from them. A very genuinely kind people. You know, one of our first day there when we we had just landed and we went to get some breakfast at a nearby cafe, and I paid after eating, and I didn't see on the receipt any uh opportunity for me to leave a tip like we do here in the US. And I asked the the worker, the gentleman there, uh, how do I leave a tip? And he said with a big old smile on his face, you don't tip us. And I was like, You're just actually that kind. They were so kind, and it was it wasn't because they needed anything or wanted anything from us, it was because that's just how they are.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

Well, what about you? What were some things that you learned or took away?

SPEAKER_01

And oh gosh, so much. Travel always teaches me so much about myself, about other people, about expansion, about opportunity. I think something I love so much about travel is that it expands what is possible for you and it helps you see a different way of doing life and in in what is possible for me. And I love exposing our kids to those types of experiences.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, we have to take our two teenagers.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And um in in all the travels internationally we've been able to do with our kids, that has been something that I have loved so much about exposing our kids to different cultures, different ways of living, different ways of viewing the world. Yeah. And um, and so I just think that travel, you don't have to go far to travel either. You can literally travel your own city to be exposed to different cultures, different religions, different ways of doing the world. I just really encourage people to provide their kids with those types of opportunities, especially as they're like discovering themselves and discovering like what do I want to do with my life? Like, you just you realize how limited you are in your own little bubble that you live in. Yeah, in in the way that you view the world, and travel exposes you to so many different possibilities of living and and of being. I love that about travel.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

Can I just say one thing related? Because that's such a good point. We were just talking yesterday with with uh one of our children about a trip that we had taken to Ohio, oh, I don't know, six months ago or so. And so, to your point of like, you don't have to go super far. In Ohio, she had the opportunity of being exposed to someone in a specific field, a specific career possibility for her that she didn't know about. And it totally opened up this new world to her about opportunities in a field that she is really interested in, but she didn't know about this particular thing that this person does. And I was like, maybe like if nothing else, that's why we went there.

SPEAKER_01

For sure.

SPEAKER_06

You know?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so good for him. So good for him. Um, yeah, I mean, nature was a huge highlight, obviously. Like, if you are if you are a nature person, you've got to go there. It's that that's all the country is about. That and that's that's the only entertainment we did.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Was nature.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And most of it was free.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, that's the that's the awesome part about it. But um probably my favorite night on the trip was the night that we were in um Ha Ho. Hahay.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, near Hotwater Beach. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And we had the whole beach to ourselves. It was nighttime. It was almost a full moon, not quite. But this the moon was just highlighting the ocean and this beach. And you and Asher built a fire. And we just had the whole beach to ourselves, and we were celebrating your birthday, and we were just gathered around this fire, like looking at the moon and the ocean and nature, and we got to talk about a lot of um vulnerable things with each other. Our kids really open up on these trips when we just, especially when it was just like we only had took two of our kids, so we got to spend a lot of time just with with those two. And you got to share with the kids like things that you've learned in your 47 years of life, which I thought was really special and really profound. And if you want to know what those was are, go to Brandon's Instagram. He created a really beautiful post about that. But and then um, you know, I got to do some wild feminine stuff with Emery. We ran out to the ocean in the darkness, under the moon, and skinny dipped. And it was so much fun just to be so wild and free with her. And I I also appreciate those opportunities for my kids to see maybe a version of me that they don't get to see every day at home. Because, you know, at home I'm like mom duty, my career duty, you know, and I think on these trips, my kids get to see a version of me that's like more fun and playful and real and like like real parts of me, of who I who I am and the adventurous side of me and the fun part of me. And and so um that was that was a really, really fun night for me. And I really appreciate the the long car rides that we had where we got to to play music and to sing together and have a a lot of really good conversations with our kids. And I think when you have those opportunities and experiences, that to utilize that to ask them questions and to get to know each other better and to listen without judgment, just to really be able to hear their heart. And I also got to see a side of our kids too, that like they're they're they're hilarious.

unknown

They are.

SPEAKER_01

And I think there's this like preconceived notion about teenagers that they're just so selfish and annoying and like honory. Yeah, no, they were they were so fun to be around, and and so we were laughing the whole time at them, like you goofs. And it just brought out, I think, the younger part of me, you know. So it was it was it was really beautiful. I'm really grateful for that experience, and I loved it so much.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, it was amazing. Thank you, New Zealand. Yeah, thank you so much to all the people there. Um, we made a lot of new friends.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And um Yeah, one last thing on that I wanted to share, like in speaking about like exposing our kids and what how that allows them to be more authentic, is at this morph fest that we spoke at, this is like basically a lot of hippies.

SPEAKER_06

I I don't want to sound like well that's not that's not derogative.

SPEAKER_01

No, I just it but it's like it's it's a group of people who are like very free-spirited, yeah.

SPEAKER_06

And very grounded, very grounded and rooted in nature and and in and to and connected to their bodies. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And it was awesome. And me and Asher got to do henna tattoos, and I mean, there's just a lot of variety of people there. And not in the dance. Yeah, that's what I was getting to. He was not that uh a culture of people that he's just not exposed to here in St. George, Utah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And so that night there was ecstatic dancing, which it's like kind of like electrical music, like not a whole lot of words, but a lot of like beats. And of course, you were like dancing your heart out for hours.

SPEAKER_06

I was dripping sweat.

SPEAKER_01

You were dripping sweat. And initially, like Asher was just kind of standing back, sitting there. And he was really cool about it. He's like, I don't want to like, I don't want to take away from your head's fun, like go do your thing and like all this kind of like sit here and observe. But towards the end of the night, that guy, he started moving a little bit. And then pretty soon he was like joining us and up there dancing. And I was like, I didn't say anything to him in the moment, but I was just like, yes, like he's like exposing parts of himself that he probably never would have felt safe doing here, but because nobody knew him there and everybody else was doing it, and everybody else was so free and alive in their expression, it allowed him to do the same.

SPEAKER_06

It was an invitation to him. Yeah. He's like, it took him a minute, of course. That's okay. But eventually he was like, I'll take you up on that invitation. Yeah. I see that it it's safe here.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

You know?

SPEAKER_01

And the next day we were talking to him about it, and um, I was really curious, like. What his take was about the people that he saw there and the things that he saw. And he was like, it was amazing. Like I loved seeing people do life so differently and be so expressive. And so it's like those types of opportunities. Like I said, you don't have to travel to New Zealand to give your kids those types of experiences. But they're just so important for your kids to be exposed to. It like teaches them things about themselves that they don't know is there until they see it and they see other people doing it. It's like, oh, I can do that too. And and that's that's okay, you know? So it was it was awesome. It was so awesome. Yeah. But anyways, we just wanted to talk about that a little bit because it was such a beautiful experience for us. But our real topic today is we want to offer advice and the way that we um can maybe help people who are in the dating world prepare for dating and prepare for marriage.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And probably it's a it's a big topic for us because we have adult kids who are in this scene right now. We talk a lot about to them what they they ask us a lot for our advice. And you know, we we we coach on relationships on people who are already in relationship, but there's just a lot of helpful things that we wish we would have known when we were dating, and that in our time as being married, like that we think can be very helpful in preparing somebody for marriage. So yeah.

SPEAKER_06

Basically, now we're talking to anyone um pre-relationship, whether you're dating or not.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

Really, maybe you're like, well, I'm not actually interested in I'm not looking for a relationship. That's fine. I think you're always preparing for a relationship though. Even though, even if you aren't actively dating, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

And though so those are the things we want to talk about today. Like um, you know, I don't know about you, but I don't know the specifics of the modern dating world, meaning like I don't know what the dating apps look like. I've never been on one. I don't know, like thank God. I'm the but but well, so more what we mean is like what we believe one can do. Free commitment, free relationship, free marriage, whatever that relationship looks like for you. A relationship of devotion, a relationship of commitment, whether it's marriage or not, what you can and should be doing to prepare for that. Yeah. So it's interesting, you know, you and I we we came from we came from small Utah towns where like the town I grew up in, there were like there weren't there weren't a whole lot of options for dating.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I mean no social people, no social media, no social media, no phones, no dating apps, and I didn't date much, to be honest.

SPEAKER_06

I certainly was interested in females, but I was way more interested in sports, and I just I didn't date very much and um so it's it's one of those things where like I'm not I'm not like a dating expert by any means, but knowing like my experience in relationship, it allows you to then I think work backward and be like, okay, how can one better prepare themselves for this sacred container of relationship that will expose and reveal everything about you?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, because there are definitely things you can do to prepare. Not all things, no matter what, whether you are preparing for just a long-term relationship or you're just you're preparing for actual marriage, you will never be fully prepared for that. No, it those those types of relationships are going to expose the deepest parts of yourself. And there's just there's some preparation you can do for that, but you just have to be aware that it's still going to expose things in you. They're still gonna trigger you, they're still gonna bring out the parts of yourself that need the most healing. And that's the point of relationship, actually, is to expand your consciousness. I love what you said on one of our podcasts. You said the whole point of relationship is not to well.

SPEAKER_06

It's not to make you it's not the point of relationship is not to make you happy, it's to make you conscious.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and I love that. And that's that's so true.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, you know, if I may, just real quick, going back to our traveling, it's not any different than, you know, I pre I just happen, you could have you're very able and and and you were willing to plan and get everything coordinated and our itinerary or all the things, but I chose to do it, and I I felt very prepared. I had planned out everything, and you know, we pick up our rental car after arriving, and what I did not plan for, you know, speaking to you, like you can't plan for everything, like you can't be perfectly prepared for everything, despite my tendencies to want to the perfectionist in me. What happens when we get there? It's pouring rain. I get in the rental car, which the driver's seat is seated on the other side of the car.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, that was scary.

SPEAKER_06

And you drive on the other side of the road. So now all of a sudden, I'm in this world that's completely not only literally on the other side of the world, like everything is backwards.

SPEAKER_01

So unfamiliar.

SPEAKER_06

And I'm like, oh my gosh, this is crazy. I feel so uncomfortable. And my nervous system was screaming, and we pull up to our first Airbnb, and I hit a curb and pop the tire. And it's like, you gotta be kidding me.

SPEAKER_01

Well, before that, like literally within five minutes of leaving the rental car company, we almost got in a car accident in the intersection. It was scary. I felt bad for you, babe.

SPEAKER_06

I was scared. I was like, oh, I could I didn't prepare for this.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

And I couldn't have. Really?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

I had to just go do it. It's kind of like marriage, you know? Like, yeah, you there's some like you like I I I booked the rental car, that I did. But I after that, it's like, good luck.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. How do you how do you prepare for that?

SPEAKER_06

And so anyway.

SPEAKER_01

Just a good analogy.

SPEAKER_06

Little analogy on like, yes, like don't just show up in New Zealand with no rental car, but also know that when you get that, you step into that rental car that you you took the time to prepare for and book. Yeah, it's gonna it's gonna be different than what you're used to.

SPEAKER_01

Or maybe just Uber every year.

SPEAKER_06

Well, we drove a lot, so that's never gonna analogy.

SPEAKER_01

What would be your first piece of advice to give to somebody?

SPEAKER_06

Um about like pre pre-relationship? That's easy for me, babe. Because it's but it's very general, and that is I I've also said this a lot on previous episodes, but it's from the heart. And that is you will never have a better relationship with anybody than you have with yourself. So the where I would start with someone pre-relationship, whatever stage you're at in life, whether it's maybe you're maybe you've gone through a divorce and you're like hoping that maybe you can have another shot at a relationship. Or maybe you're 22 years old in college and you know, trying to figure things out, never been married, just starting to to date, whatever the case is, you have to do the work required to know yourself and to love yourself. Because yeah, you you cannot it's it's unfortunate, but we live in a world where we have been conditioned to believe, whether consciously or unconsciously, that our wholeness requires someone else, that getting into relationship is to make you happy, or to fulfill you, or to complete you, or to make you whole, uh whatever however you want to look at it, and that is not the way it works. So that's where I would start. Yeah, and I know that's very general, but I just wanted to I wanted to start there because you can't you cannot go into this thing thinking that you are searching for the one who is going to make you okay.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, for the one to complete you.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, you can't you can't do that.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, you will always be in lack with that type of mindset of like, I'm I'm marrying you because you make me feel whole.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

No, you go into relationship as whole wholeness is an inside job. Yeah, it's not something that you put on somebody else to make you feel that way. And I know that you can be so deeply in love with somebody that it feels that way. It feels like, oh, with with them, I I feel so completely free and I feel like myself. And that's beautiful. That relationship can do that for you. But if you if you're going into it with the intentions of, I need you to make me feel better, then you're already setting yourself up for failure. Because you cannot expect that from another human being to do that for you.

SPEAKER_06

It's actually an illusion.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

Um sorry, it's just I want to say real quickly, that that type, that belief, which most people do have, is it's a lie. What I mean is, yes, the person that you're like saying, Oh my gosh, they make me feel so like I love this person, they're amazing. They this, they that, that that's great. That's not that's doesn't have to be the lie, but the lie is they're simply again the mirror. They're bringing out that in you. Like that is in you, yeah. It's already in you, and so it's just it's realizing that so I don't think that you I think in order to like people are always I in fact it was funny, Darst, and I'm so sorry I interrupted you. Please keep your train of thought. Okay in my profession, I employed a lot of um younger females that just happened to be in my orthodontic practice. Most of them single. A lot of them dating. Almost all of them frequently telling me, Man, Dr. Burke, there's just there are no good men around here. And I'd always tell them, the joke was, I gotta, you know, because we're in St. George, Utah. And they'd be like, I think I need to move to like Provo or Salt Lake so I can find a good man. And I'd be like, That's not the problem. The problem isn't you finding a good man, the problem is you becoming the person that will attract the the right man. Yeah. And they that's so that's so mind-blowing because again, from such a young age, we're conditioned that no, I'm like, I need to search for someone that will make me whole.

SPEAKER_01

You know? So true. That makes sense, yeah, for sure. I was just gonna say that the book by Don Miguel Ruiz, The Mastery of Love, he explains that so beautifully in that book on why that's so important to approach relationship from not a need basis, not from like I need you to complete me, but from a place of like, I love myself and I'm going to show up whole and sovereign. And hopefully you will do the same. And then it's you're you're you're choosing your partner from a place of choice, not from a place of survival. Because if you're choosing a partner based upon I need you to make me whole, that's survival language talking. Yeah, that's not love. Like real love. That's survival talking. And and so many people are unconscious to this going into relationship that they don't even recognize that they're not really, they're not dating a person, they're dating patterns. And they're um, you know, you are going to subconsciously date somebody that is familiar to your nervous system. So if you grew up in a home where things were really chaotic, your parents' relationship was really chaotic, that's going to be familiar to your nervous system. And so if you start dating somebody and there's a lot of chaos, that can feel like love to you. Isn't that so crazy? Yeah. And people don't even recognize that or see that.

SPEAKER_06

It's like this really turbulent, ex you know, oftentimes exciting roller coaster ride.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

And they think that's normal. When oftentimes, like, and I'm not saying you don't love that person, I'm saying oftentimes what we think is like all the passion and the excitement and the the quote unquote love is actually just chaos that is familiar to our nervous system. And so it registers as this is actually this is love, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I think a lot of what I see in the dating world now is people dating to seek validation. And so there's a lot of performance happening.

SPEAKER_03

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And people not dating from their authentic selves because, especially for girls, of like, I need to be a certain way in order for you to like me. But maybe that's true, but I also like from talking to our oldest son, Shay, who's dating right now. I think a lot of girls are showing up a lot more embodied and a lot more authentic and being really a lot more expressive about like, you know, I want a career. And I don't like, I don't want to be a mom for a while. Like, I want to live first. And I think that's changing. That wasn't the way it was when I was dating so much. Especially in our real culture and religion, yeah. And I think that's changing. I think that's good. And I think that's the scary to men, because um, I guess depending on what you want.

SPEAKER_06

Some men, they they would want nothing more than a sugar mama. Yeah. And be like, okay, you can get the career. I'll stay home with the kids.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. But um, yeah, I think if you're dating to seek validation, if you're dating somebody that where you feel like you have to be a certain way in order for them to like you, that's that's a red flag.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And it speaks to like really come to know yourself. Yeah. And come to be, you're not gonna, some of your patterns that you're not gonna really know are there until you're actually in your relationship, and that's okay. But be be aware that those things will be exposed in relationship. It doesn't mean that your relationship is wrong or that it's bad. It's just it's gonna expose you.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

It's gonna expose truth about yourself. But if you could go into relationship, just knowing, having some familiarity with like your conditioning, the way that you grew up and and and the patterns that you developed in that, so that you're not, if if your familiar was not healthy, you're not choosing that again in a relationship. You're you can recognize the difference between my nervous system is choosing this based upon just because this is what was familiar to it, that doesn't make it right and it doesn't make it good. And so I would recommend like, if you could afford it and if it's a possibility for you, to maybe do some therapy or some coaching just to help you become more familiar with yourself.

SPEAKER_03

That's a great point.

SPEAKER_01

I think self-help books are helpful, like reading and and listening to podcasts, like anything that you can do to help expose you to more deeper truths about yourself. And you don't have to do that before you're dating. You can do that while you're dating.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But I wish that would be would have been something that we would have done.

SPEAKER_06

We didn't. I mean, we had encyclopedia versus an anti.

SPEAKER_01

There were no podcasts. I remember you reading a couple books before we got married about like I can't remember what they were, but like men are from Mars, women are from Venus, or something like that.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, I can't remember.

SPEAKER_01

But like I thought it was sweet though that you did that.

SPEAKER_06

I wanted to be a good husband. Yeah. But yeah, I that's such a good point, babe. And I think that um maybe just piggybacking off of what you just said, guys. I'm telling you, I know like it seems it's such human nature, so there's no shame in it, but we just want to shine a light on it to go into a date, let's say, or like a situation where you're like creating a new connection with someone who you may want to, you know, have a relationship with, to put on a show, to put on a mask, to be what you think they want. And obviously that's gonna be a disaster once like if you get into that relationship, because then you're stuck. Having to continue to play a role that you actually don't want to play anymore.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

And if you stop playing it because your eventually your soul will demand that you do, that you be authentic, well, then your partner's gonna be like, Who the hell are you? Yeah, that's not who I married. So just I know it's so hard. It's like going into a job interview where obviously you're gonna put your best foot forward, you're gonna put your nicest clothes on, you're gonna make sure your teeth look clean and nice, and everything's just perfect. That's great. But then you, you know, in that job, there's gonna be days where you're gonna have bad days, you're gonna, and they're gonna be like, you're not the same person I interviewed.

SPEAKER_02

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_06

That's just the human, that's our human nature. But just know that in like having that mindset going into relationship is gonna be a disaster.

SPEAKER_01

Quick pause before we continue. One of the biggest things I see is that people try to change their lives from the mind. But the nervous system is what actually determines what feels safe, possible, and sustainable. That's why I created my somatic repatterning audios. They're short, guided practices designed to help your body release old survival loops and create new patterns through sensation and embodied awareness. If you're ready to move from insight into real integration, you can access the audio library through the link in the show notes. All right, let's continue. Yeah. I also think it's incredibly inconsiderate to not show up as your authentic authentic self in a relationship because you're not even letting the you're you're like you're allowing somebody else to fall in love with somebody that's not even real.

SPEAKER_06

It's it's so true.

SPEAKER_01

It's a lie.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, that's so true.

SPEAKER_01

And I think that's very so inconsiderate.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And so just be your authentic self. And you might not even fully know yourself yet. That's okay.

SPEAKER_06

That's the point, right?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

That's what I was gonna say. Like people listening to that might be like, well, yeah, obviously, Brandon, I'm gonna be myself. But being yourself is only it's proportional to the awareness that you have about yourself. So you might be like, I am being myself. I'm just really shy. And we've talked about this before, but like being shy might not really be you, it might be an adaptive personality trait that you created to protect yourself. You know, stuff like that. Like you have to, I love your point about like if you can make it happen, get yourself a relationship coach. Or some maybe a coach that can help you expand your awareness about yourself. Yeah. Even though you might be like, I don't see why I would need a coach or any therapy or any whatever the case may be, I'm I'm good.

SPEAKER_01

That probably means you need it the most.

SPEAKER_00

So true.

SPEAKER_01

But also, like, who you if you decide if you're wanting a long term relationship or you're wanting marriage, that's the most important decision you will make in your entire life. So yeah, maybe hiring somebody to help you recognize what are your patterns, what are your survival techniques, what's your attachment style, what's your attachment style, what's your um

SPEAKER_06

How like are you aware of your mother complex, your mother wound complex, your father wound complex, your shame wound? In the case of men, those are the the the mother wound complex, the father wound complex, and the shame wound are the what's often referred to as the three-headed dragon that every man must face.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

In order to not only face himself, but then be able to truly show up in relationship and in life, the way he was designed to, the way he really like his true self. Otherwise, you're operating from a place like let's just say you have, for example, a man is completely unaware of his mother wound. And by the way, this is not talking about whether the mom was mean or nice, or this is talking about every single man's need to separate himself from his mother in a healthy way, in a way that you are not running away from her with resentment, nor are you clinging to her with need. But you have been able to separate from her with love, true love in your heart for what she did for you, regardless, and forgiveness, because that relationship will form the basis of your views and beliefs about the feminine, not only the female whom you may be courting and dating and eventually marrying or getting into a relationship with, but the feminine within you. That's just an example. Yeah. You know, and the father wound, same thing. Like the father wound is just a man, like if a man's father it's not it's not to slam the father or to say the father like hurt me specifically. It's to say that if if a man's father did not intentionally initiate him into manhood, in other words, give him an example of what it looks like to be a man, you know, yeah, then that will that will show up in his relationship.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely. So yeah, that's such a good point. The initiation of into the masculine is so important. And um, you know, and speaking of dating, just on our trip, our our 15-year-old son, we w we walked into a restaurant and he before we sat down at a table, he pulled his the chair out for me so I could sit in it, and then he he pushed the pushed it in for me. And the lady sitting next to us, like she was watching the whole time. And as we sat down, she was looking at me and she was just like shaking her head, smiling. And she finally goes, Is that your son? And I go, Yeah. And she goes, That was the most sweetest thing I have ever seen. I she's like, I've never seen a teenage kid like um do that for his mom.

SPEAKER_06

I was so proud of him.

SPEAKER_01

And I I didn't say in the moment, but I didn't have to say. I said, Yeah, he's he's he's so so kind and respectful, but he learned that from you. And those are the initiations into manhood that our sons need. Like chivalry is lost.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Opening the doors. If you're gonna take a girl out on a date, you better be effing pay for her. Like, I get so mad when our girls go on dates and they tell me stuff like he didn't open the door for me, he didn't even come to the door to like, first of all, if you don't pick up the door, if you do not come, you're not allowed to take our daughter out. I'm not I'm very open with guys who come to date our daughter. I'm very easygoing, but if you do not come to the door to pick her up, she will not be leaving our house. And she knows that.

SPEAKER_06

My favorite. Um, there was a gentleman, a young gentleman that came to take our beautiful teenage daughter to a school dance one night, remember? And I know his family comes from an amazing family. And uh he showed up, came to the door, was so gentlemanly and um well-mannered, and just I was like, man, this kid's so impressive. And that my favorite part was as they were leaving after we met them and they were going to get in their car to take off. He turned to me and said, What time would you like for me to have what time would you like for her to be home?

SPEAKER_01

I know I think both of our jaws dropped to the floor. We'd never had anybody ask us that before. I was like, I love you.

SPEAKER_06

And the best, okay, that was amazing. But actually, the do you remember what you said?

SPEAKER_01

I said, we don't care.

SPEAKER_06

No, no, no. What did I say? It was so beautiful. Oh. You said on the fly, like without thinking, ask her.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, I did.

SPEAKER_01

I don't remember.

SPEAKER_06

It depends on when she wants to come home. Bring her home when she wants to come home.

SPEAKER_01

Good job, Darcy.

SPEAKER_06

And I was like, that was amazing. Like the what that shows so much about like number one, the kid, the the young man, so impressive in his chivalry, in his gentleman um etiquette, and his like showing up like a man. But then for you to be like, oh, I completely trust my daughter. Yeah, she is in charge of her body, she is sovereign, she knows the energy between like she she can already share, like the trust that we have in our in our daughter is through the roof. And for you to show that in that moment, that was awesome.

SPEAKER_01

They forgot about that. So thank you.

SPEAKER_06

Thank you for I forgot. I don't know if I ever told you, but I I never forgot that. I was like, wow, like that's how many parents can say that about their kid, and it's not because we don't care, it's not because we're aloof or we're like uh, you know, whatever, indifferent. It's because no, we like I said her name, I guess, almost so Emery. No, Emory is so cued in. Like we're not worried about, like if she wants to come home early because she doesn't like you or you're rude, you better bring her home. Bring her home. Bring her home when she tells you to come home. When she tells you she wants to come home.

SPEAKER_01

When she's ready to come home, yeah.

SPEAKER_06

And we just completely trust her. We're not worried about anything in that regard.

SPEAKER_01

So no, she knows that. Thanks for reminding me of that. Yeah. So other advice I would give is to be very um in touch with what your values are. Because when you go into a relationship and you know what your values are, like I val I value a family, I want to have kids. That's like a priority for me. That is a value of mine. Then if a relationship doesn't work out based upon that, you can be okay. You don't you won't see it as rejection, you'll see it as alignment. And I think a lot of times in the dating world, when it doesn't work out, you can take that as rejection or I'm not good enough, or there's something wrong with me. But and I can see that happening if you don't have the value system. And so I really encourage you to have a value system, like know what your values are and what you want, um, and have maybe have some non-negotiables in place. And those can kind of be the same thing. But maybe your non-negotiables can have a little bit more color to them and not be so black and white. And I would also like encourage you, if if if you're non-negotiable, is this is, and I say this because it's such a big part of our story, but if you're non-negotiable is they they have to believe spiritually. Like they have to um believe the same as me, religiously or spiritually, that's okay. But I'm just letting you know that you're you be cautious of that because in our story and in many other people's story, that can change over time. And can you still love them? Can you still be with them? You know, be hold those things loosely because people change, people evolve. And we have known so many people um in in these situations, like you know, our story is Mormonism, who one couple, one person in the in the relationship decides they don't believe anymore, they don't want to participate, and they get a divorce. That is so sad. That tells me two things. One, you you you didn't marry based upon like real love. You married based upon conditions, and that's not real love.

SPEAKER_06

And that's like contractual, obligatory, yeah. Like I need you to be a certain way for me to be okay.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And I also think there's just a lot of problems there with your religion then, because if it if if that teaching creates a dynamic to where, you know, you you can't really you love your person because they they're not the exact same as you, that's a problem.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So I don't I don't want to get too deep into that, but maybe get a little bit curious about that if that's that's a part of your story. And you know, I just think there's a lot of a lot of harm in that. But so yeah, I would what would you have to say about values and non-negotiables?

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, I think that's critical. And and I would say what's important to you.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

What I mean is, okay, is the most important thing that they have the same spiritual and religious beliefs as you? And then just get curious as to why that is. I always tell my clients and myself and my family and everybody, always ask yourself what the like why, and then uh go again and like keep going deeper and deeper into the why that is. For example, you know, if it is, no, they have to have the same beliefs as me because like we have to have a a marriage in a certain building under a certain authority, and then we have to like maintain and live certain standards perfectly for the rest of our lives, or else we we won't we won't make it. Okay, I'm not I'm not I I myself don't believe that way. That I'm not saying anything negative about your belief, I'm saying get curious as to whether that belief is founded in love or whether it's founded in s in fear.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_06

That's all. Like keep keep asking why, but why and um yeah, I think you've gotta have values, but you've also got to you've got to understand that the human being is not unlike any other part of the natural world, and that is it is meant to evolve. So have your values, yes, but understand that like there has to be room for change, there has to be room for evolution because that is written in our DNA. So to that point, Darce, I would say for me, if someone were to say to Brandon, okay, so let's take you back to like knowing what you know now and you're starting all over again, what's the number one, like it's hard, right? It's like saying what's your favorite movie or your favorite song or like your favorite kid, but what's the number one thing that you would say for for like you to that you would be looking for in a partner? And man, that is way different than it was when I was 21 years old and I got married.

SPEAKER_01

Does that mean you wouldn't choose me now? No, that's not saying that.

SPEAKER_06

I'm just saying, no, not at all. I'm saying the number one thing for me would be now to enter into a relationship with a for me, it would be a female who is willing and able and completely devoted to growth. That's good advice. That because it yeah, of course, you want to have that physical attraction. Some for some men, maybe that's like way up there. That's okay. Like you you want that physical attraction, you want to be like look at your person and be like, wow, you are stunningly beautiful. Uh you may have specific things about their physical that you are looking for. You know, some men like tall women, some like short women, and on and on and on. Uh that's okay too. But all of that is gonna change over time. How many times do you do we run into people? You know, I all you gotta do is go to your next high school reunion and you'll you'll see people, you'll be you'll be only when you recognize some of them because they've changed physically so much, right? Okay, so just just know that. But if you can enter into a relationship with someone who, regardless of anything else, they are committed to growing with you. Man, that takes care of so many problems.

SPEAKER_01

It really does, you know, yeah, and just just plan on it. Plan on that that's actually one of the most exciting and fun parts about relationship is growing and evolving and expanding to each with each other and witnessing your person evolve and change. Like it instead of fearing it, it can be so beautiful and so fun as long as you allow for that sovereignty in each other. And again, it always goes back to if you don't allow that, that's not love. That is survival because you said it so beautifully. It's written in our DNA. We are supposed to change, we are supposed to evolve. And that might that might include religious beliefs, that might include professional.

SPEAKER_06

I change your career.

SPEAKER_01

We've done all of it. It might include, I don't know. That there's so many possibilities out there of how things can change. And that just goes back to don't marry somebody based upon their potential. Like, don't marry somebody, I'm gonna marry them because I I can see how you know that I'm gonna do some work on them and and and and I know that I can get them to change to make me feel better. Don't ever don't do that. You are setting yourself up for mil for failure, and that's not fair to the person to marry them based upon their quote-unquote potential. You're not even really loving them. You're loving the possibility of how they will make you feel in the future based upon how they show up. So don't do that.

SPEAKER_06

You'll be extraordinarily frustrated and disappointed.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And I would say you mentioned this earlier. You don't attract what you want. You attract what you are. Yeah. So I would get very clear on what you want your relationship to look like. Like what would what does your dream partner look like? Like, write about it. Even down to like what they look like, what they act like, how you feel when you're around them.

SPEAKER_06

Here you go. You're going back to manifestation.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

I love it. I know. It's so true, though. It's so true. It's just like your dream job. Your dream anything. What does that look like for you? And then you have to realize that are you the person that that that can be a magnet for that?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Are you living in that frequency?

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, it's fine for you to have like this dream woman, for example, for a man. What she looks like. Maybe you've seen her on TV, maybe you whatever. And you're like, wow, that's the kind of woman I want. But you go on it with your life in a way that like there's no there's no way you're gonna be a match for that type of person.

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely. And that's you know that's how your person will find you. That's how energy works, that's how frequency works, that's how vibration works. What you put out into the world is what you will attract.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So if you are living in free scarcity, in fear, in performance, that is what you will attract. That is a law of the universe. And it goes, it is so true for relationships. So get very clear on how you want, I would say just focus on out of all those things, how do you want your relationship to feel? Don't focus so much on looks. I mean, that can be a part of it, but how do you want it to feel? And then create, create right now those feelings within side of yourself without having to have that person there. That's so key. And that will that frequency, the reality will shift to meet you at that frequency. And then don't force it, just live.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And your person will just naturally show up for you. You know? They will just, they will just come out of nowhere and you'll find them. Don't live in this rush of like, I gotta find somebody by the age of 30, I gotta have three kids by the age of 35.

SPEAKER_03

There are no rules.

SPEAKER_01

There's no rules. Just live your life. Be aligned with the frequency. If you want somebody to love you unconditionally, well, you better be loving other people unconditionally. Right. If you want somebody who's a hard worker, and especially if you want a man who is driven and who has passions, who has non-negotiables in his life, you need you need to be aligned with that. Yeah, you need to be aligned with that frequency.

SPEAKER_06

And if you want a partner who is affectionate and flirtatious and sensual, well, you better be.

SPEAKER_01

Mm-hmm. And if not, you better express that something that you want.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

You know? But yeah, I just think um don't limit yourself in in in expectations as far as like a timeline or, you know, they have to look exactly a certain way. I mean, I actually manifested your looks. I don't know if I've ever told you that.

SPEAKER_06

Wow.

SPEAKER_01

How did you I always knew that I wanted to marry a tall, dark, dark hair, blue-eyed man? Really? Yes. And I got it. And so much more.

SPEAKER_06

You found him in Farron, Utah?

SPEAKER_01

That's what I'm saying. Who would have thought? You never know where you will find your person.

SPEAKER_06

Well, would you add anything? Or do you I mean, if if there's I don't know if you have anything else that if I were to say to you, what would be like if you were going back, what would be your number one, even though it's hard, like your number one thing that you would look for in men, besides the tall, dark, and handsome.

SPEAKER_01

That's easy. How safe do you feel with him? Because the safer you feel with him, the more alive you will feel in your relationship. Find somebody who allows you to be the fullest expression of yourself, who does not fear your authenticity, who does not fear your evolvement, who does not fear your self-expression, who does not fear your change. You know, safety is not just physical. I mean, of course, like, yeah, you want a man who can protect you from the spiders, from the intruders, and for sure.

SPEAKER_03

But you will know.

SPEAKER_01

The more embodied you you are, the more in your feminine you are, you will know what safety feels like with a man by the way that he interacts with you, by the way that he talks to you, by the way that he holds his emotions in his body, by the way that he holds his anger, by the way that he expresses himself with you, you'll know. And safety, I would say, is like the number one thing for the feminine. She's always asking that, whether she knows it consciously or not. She will test you to see how safe she can be around you. And if you want, if you want to attract a woman, I think every man deeply desires that. They want a woman who's so fully expressive and free and loving. Like they want all the things that the feminine provides. They just don't know that the energy they need to contain in their body for her to be able to do that.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, that's what I was speaking to. Yeah. That's so beautiful, by the way. Thank you. But that's what I was speaking to by men who go into relationship not having confronted the three-headed dragon.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, they want all of that out of their woman, but they have they actually sabotage it. They actually destroy it unconsciously. They don't know why they are unable to show up in a way that makes her safe.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

It's because they haven't reconciled, they haven't faced, they haven't faced themselves at their depths. They haven't reconciled the the mother wound, the father wound, and the shame wound fully. And it's fine. Like, I'm also not saying that in order for a man to enter into a devoted relationship, he must be healed. And he must have like taken care of all that fully. I'm not saying, I'm saying at least have some awareness of it. And to understand, ah the reason I'm feeling uncomfortable about XYZ things right now is because of XYZ. Like just knowing yourself.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

At a deep level. I'm not saying you gotta be perfect. Sometimes we remind our older adult children of that who sometimes we may feel on occasion are operating from a space of oh, I'm not getting married until I like have everything figured out, man. And we're like, no, no, no, that that's not what we're saying. We're not saying you gotta have it all figured out, right? Does that make sense? Yeah, for sure. Do you have anything to add to that?

SPEAKER_01

Like, yeah, I mean, I like we said, like marriage, your relationship, allow for that to be able to help you heal.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

It it one of the purposes of relationship is to help you heal from wounds that there will be no other other opportunity for you to be able to heal from them unless you're in that relationship. And I think that just like general awareness of that, of going into relationship, of knowing like this is going to expose parts of myself that need healing. And that's okay. Like what a sacred place to be able to do that with your person. And if you're both conscious of that going into your relationship, you can see it, the sacredness in it instead of there's something wrong with this. Yeah, this isn't working out because we're triggering each other so much, you know? But um yeah, I just think that um I would really encourage, you know, and I was gonna put a precursor out there for your um masculinity program that you're about to offer. Like, oh my gosh, if you're in the dating scene and you are so like aware and you want to be able to create safety for the feminine and show up in your masculine empowered essence that you can just like create this dynamic in your relationship, then watch out for Brandon's programs that he's going to offer because I can think of that, like that's so needed in the world right now for men to be able to be aware of this and to be able to show up in this space for the feminine to and to really get what they want. It's like they want it so bad, but they don't know how to do it. And you're offering that initiation for them. Or maybe just like one hour phone call with you, and like, I bet within one hour, you can like, okay, this is your pattern. This is where you're not making her feel safe. Like you would, I think you would, I know you would be able to let them know very quickly, like, this is where your work is, man. So just a shout out for you. You you do an amazing job with that. But my last piece of advice is just have fun. Like, don't take us, don't take life so seriously. That was one of like I remember my mom on our wedding day. That was I that was my my most favorite piece of advice that she gave is don't take life so seriously.

SPEAKER_06

We forget, don't we? Yeah. That we're like, it's not that serious. You're here to like enjoy this experience of life and to enjoy each other. And of course, we're humans living in this crazy, sometimes turbulent, unpredictable ocean of emotions. I I I was listening to a song today during my workout from one of my favorite artists, Landon McNamara, where he's he that's one of his lyrics. He talks about ocean the ocean of emotions. He's like, Oh no, I'm just gonna ride it, gonna ride the wave. I mean, it's hard. Like, obviously, we have so many difficult emotions that pop up and hijack us, take us back to our little cells that are afraid and feel unloved. But yeah, if we can just the best we can remember that this whole thing is supposed to be enjoyable.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, have fun. Like, I remember even like on the dates that I would go on on in high school and before I married you. I had so much fun. Yeah, I just had so much fun getting.

SPEAKER_06

You're a fun person.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, thanks.

SPEAKER_06

You're an amazingly fun person. So one of the things I love about you most.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you. But I did. I tried just to have a lot of fun, just to get to know them. I mean, I got a lot of free concerts, babe.

SPEAKER_06

And dinners.

SPEAKER_01

And like and jazz games. Like no, I would I was so appreciated that the way that I I felt very like taken care of in that way. And I wish that would come back. I like I just that was one of the that's one of the things that I just wish the most for my girls that I just don't feel like they get now is a phone call. Hey, I would like to take you out on Friday night. I'm gonna pick you up at 7 p.m. I'm gonna take you out to dinner, and then we're gonna do this. That is lost. I I don't know at one point in history that became that doesn't happen anymore, but that was so fun for me to be dated and courted and respected like that. I got to experience that. And I remember I remember like telling our girls um my dating experiences, and they're like, wait, like he really he called you and then he came to your door and met your parents, and he he paid for your date the whole night, and there were no expectations, like, and I was like, no, like I mean he might have wanted a kiss at the end of the day, but he wasn't, you know. He was he knew up front if I was gonna give it to or not.

SPEAKER_06

Listen, can I say it to your to that and then and then we'll wrap up? That's that's on the that's on the fathers, fathers. That's what we're talking about. Yeah, part of the father wound complex is failure to initiate, and so it gets perpetuated from one generation to the next. When there's failure of initiation into healthy masculinity by a father to his son, it just goes on to the next generation, and before you know it, like we're in a real interesting place in history, actually, with the feminine rising up in their power incredibly beautifully, and it's going to force men to be like, oh, we better get our shit together. Absolutely, it's going to, and that's what was that's what's needed. But I'm telling you, man, you can you can uh prevent yourself a lot of suffering if you'll just you'll you'll jump on it a little before you're forced to jump on it, reach out to me if you need some help. But I'm just saying, like this whole thing about what it really means to be a man is it's lost on most men today.

SPEAKER_01

And a lot of not to their fault, like no, that's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_06

Like if the father fails to initiate his son, that son literally has no idea how to be a man.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, so girls have have patience and have understanding with that. You know, I think we can be so hard on each other and judgmental, and you know, everybody makes sense. Yeah. And that yeah.

SPEAKER_06

Well, can I just say before we end that I'm so thankful I met you. Like I how did I I I grew up in Farron, Utah. You grew up in Price, Utah. And I met the most amazing human being I've ever met. Somehow randomly I ended up at some dance that I wasn't really supposed to be at where you were.

SPEAKER_01

And the rest is history, so thank you, honey. That was so sweet. Thank you. I feel the same way. I manifested you long before you came to my life. I was very clear on what I wanted. I was very picky. Um, you know, I don't pay this is a joke in our family. I don't pay attention to details.

unknown

I don't talk.

SPEAKER_06

You got me for that.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, just on our way here, Brandon's like, you got something in your tooth.

SPEAKER_06

That's why we're so good together.

SPEAKER_01

But dating, oh, I was I was incredibly picky. I knew exactly what I wanted. Um, and I wasn't willing to settle. You know, you were you were only my second kiss. Even that I was like not free with. I'm like, no, you don't you don't get that part of me, and not coming from an arrogancy, but just like I don't want to give that to you. I'm not I I'm I want to share that with the person that like I know is gonna like love it and really respect it. And and um yeah, that night that that that night we met, it was like I know we both felt it. It was like the universe was like like you two are supposed to be together, and it hasn't been easy, like even though we feel like we've created this soulmate connection with each other, it's it's come with a lot of rocks in the road, and we've talked about a lot of those on this episode, but I think that's what makes our story so beautiful and so meaningful, and I I hope that we mirror to other people hope. Like I hope that that's my greatest purpose in sharing so much of our story and being so worriable and and sharing parts of ourselves I'd never thought I would speak about publicly is hope. And that there is a way to find deep, fulfilling devotion and connection uh in your marriage and in your relationship, and so I thank God for you too, babe.

SPEAKER_00

Love you.