Dog Park Chronicles
The human side of the dog park!
Dog Park Chronicles
Much Ado About Nothing
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Welcome back to another edition of the Dog Park Chronicle. Sal was just saying I just want to live the same life, just better stuff.
SPEAKER_02We got up to hot dogs, and then we got to start.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, he wanted an apartment in San Diego or rent. To rent, yeah. And I said, and I and I wound up describing. No, no, no.
SPEAKER_01We should have done it. We had a good time.
SPEAKER_00Yesterday. The real funny part about that, Elaine called, or I called her back in the midst of a skip thing. And I said to her, boy, we have a great little thing for tonight. Oh my god. And then Sal in the background, no, no, I'm not doing it. No. You're not doing it. And once again, Sal takes a leadership away.
SPEAKER_01You wanted to be in show business. You know that, right? I mean, really, he wanted to be in show business, Larry. He wanted to be on podcasts and comedy skits and Larry David. Yeah, I mean, really. That was his calling in life. He missed out. You know what?
SPEAKER_00Did you ever act in a high school play or anything? I just acted out in class. So way, way back, way back, I think it was in biology or something, like a biology lab, it were these little insects that we had to murder for the sake of science. And then that got me into. So when encountered by a bug in your house, bathroom, whatever, who gets to live and who dies? So you are the death squad uh you know, chambering of the board. So, like if you saw an ant walking around your kitchen counter. Dead?
SPEAKER_01Dead.
SPEAKER_00Dead spider.
SPEAKER_01I don't mind spiders.
SPEAKER_00Dead. Why can they live? Why can a spider live?
SPEAKER_01Little tiny little things dead. Really?
SPEAKER_02This morning I had a little spider call out the wall that had like this little white thing attached to it. It was its eggs. So I picked them both up. Is that put them out on the front porch?
SPEAKER_00Living wet live. Oh, you're too good. Alright.
SPEAKER_02I don't kill them outside.
SPEAKER_00How about the famous winter moth that stays still for a moment? And now you have the fly swatter. Dead. A winter moth.
SPEAKER_02Ladybugs is the only thing I would pick up and put out. Oh, I saw his pink road.
SPEAKER_00They were dead. One time, one time up in my bathroom, uh two houses ago, there was a lady a ladybug. My daughter came over and said, What are you doing? She said, I'm getting rid of the ladybug.
SPEAKER_01Ladybug live. The ladybugs.
SPEAKER_00We just read a book about ladybugs. They live. And I said, Well, I'm not carrying the ladybug downstairs. I'm going to toss the ladybug out the window. And she began crying and crying. And I said, I I think they have wings. We opened the window. We let go of the ladybug and it flew.
SPEAKER_01Ladybugs, ladybugs, and praying mantis.
SPEAKER_02I didn't guess that. Those are the only bugs allowed to live.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's from the big thing.
SPEAKER_02They do a job. Well, it's one of them.
SPEAKER_01When I was a kid, I was told it was illegal to kill a praying mantis. Yeah, I remember hearing that too. Is it still illegal to kill a praying mantis?
SPEAKER_02I think so. You see so few of them.
SPEAKER_01I haven't seen one in years, honestly.
SPEAKER_02So I don't know. Anyway. Yeah, they're pretty cheap.
SPEAKER_01Did we talk about illegal to kill a praying mantis?
SPEAKER_02That's what I require. What happened to you if you had all the money in the world?
SPEAKER_00Oh, all the money in the world? Well, let's let's let's talk about that for a moment. No, no, we don't have to. But we can we can discuss this in the group. Barbara? I'll buy you a car.
SPEAKER_01Is a one no. Remember I said a $1,000 bill. What are you gonna do with it?
SPEAKER_00No, I said what do you go cash it?
SPEAKER_01What do you go cash your bill?
SPEAKER_00No, there's a $1,000 bill. I'll buy your car. And you see it, you bend down, up it goes. In my pocket. What do you do with it?
SPEAKER_01There's the test. Put it in my pocket. That's what I do. Well, there's no right here? Yeah, it's just by your car. And there's no other car. How could you prove whose it is? Who can claim it? Who's gonna prove that it's theirs?
SPEAKER_00Do you do do you do an act of self-indulgence? I think you donated somewhere. That's a good part.
SPEAKER_02Good answer. That's a good one. Good answer. You too? That's what I was gonna say. Yeah, I donated St. Anthony.
SPEAKER_00Okay, okay. Who's next? Who's the thing? All right. Obviously. Denise. St. Jude. Jude has left. Is Denise still here?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Oh, she left.
SPEAKER_00All right. I'm gonna raise the ante.
unknownOh, God.
SPEAKER_00A $100,000.
SPEAKER_02A bag of money falls out the back of Rink's car. Okay, but then you have to contact Rinks.
SPEAKER_00No, it can't be Brinks, but then there's the guilt. It has to just drop from heaven. Drop from the sky. What do we do?
SPEAKER_02A bag of money out the back of a truck. Was it a Brinks or something? That's how we said we'd have to bring it up.
SPEAKER_00An imaginary truck.
SPEAKER_01It just showed it. How much money is it? 100,000. Ooh, that's good money.
SPEAKER_02A drug deal drop.
SPEAKER_01You gotta bring it to the police and say, I found this bag of money and they hold it for X amount of days. It's gotta be. If nobody claims it, it's yours. Okay.
SPEAKER_00That's not helping our story.
SPEAKER_01Oh, too bad.
SPEAKER_00How with the lowest denomination? I take it. But you don't have to report.
SPEAKER_01I take it and I spend it. For what?
unknownI don't know.
SPEAKER_01I get it. I get a better car. Better hot dogs, better life. I step it up to a larger apartment. T-bone stakes. T-bones.
SPEAKER_02More balls for Aussie.
SPEAKER_01More balls. That's right. I buy Ozzie balls because they put me out in the poor house.
SPEAKER_00You buy one of those penthouse apartments down the street? No. What penthouse apartments? Penthouse condos. In your complex.
SPEAKER_02What is it?
SPEAKER_01Oh, the uh, but they're not for sale. How can I buy one?
SPEAKER_00Because you'll give them whatever they want. Give them whatever they want. It's a media price. How much do I have to pay you? But that's only $100,000.
SPEAKER_01I'm not going to get anything.
SPEAKER_00Alright, well we'll up it.
SPEAKER_01A million. Fine. Million. One million dollars.
SPEAKER_00Is there anybody interested in buying an island?
SPEAKER_01No.
SPEAKER_00You. You walk. Anybody interested in maybe seeing what's available in the Caribbean? With a private runway for my private jet in which I can invite all my rich and powerful friends to come to my island.
SPEAKER_01I mean, oh my god. I wonder who that was.
SPEAKER_02Beautiful, gorgeous, different kinds of pigs.
SPEAKER_01You went to Epstein's Island? No. Pleasant Bay. The one in Pleasant Bay. Oh Strong Island. Strong Island. Strong Island. I've I've been there. Now doesn't one guy own that place? Mr. Strong?
SPEAKER_02Half of it.
SPEAKER_01He owns half of it.
SPEAKER_02And the rest of it is donated to the town. Yeah. And so. It was a nice trip. Yeah. You can sign up, and there are trips that you take the boat over and walk around the island, but you don't go up to the house. I remember the pigs. Pigs. There are pigs over there. Yeah. Wow, I know.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, spare ribs. Yeah. Bacon.
SPEAKER_00But with your money, you won't need pigs. I'll just go to stop and check out the phone. No, delivery. Don't like Omaha. Omaha steaks is the worst.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I tried them once, I was disappointed. Yeah, they're not good at all. Yeah, terrible. Thank you. Not fresh. Everything's frozen, but it's just not that special. There's nothing great about it. The hot dogs were terrible.
SPEAKER_00So with all your money. Yeah. I'm gonna buy this dog park and put lights up. Now, what kind of hot dog again?
SPEAKER_02Oh yeah, what are we doing?
SPEAKER_01I'm gonna put lights up in the dog park so people can stay here at night in the winter time. At least at six o'clock.
SPEAKER_02And portable heaters?
SPEAKER_01No, no problem. Well, I'll put some uh I'll buy some of those uh solo stoves.
SPEAKER_02No, the outfits, the vest they have the heat. Maybe they got the answer. Yes, heated vests.
SPEAKER_01You can wear a heated vest when you come in. But I'll get solo stoves. We'll build fires in the middle.
SPEAKER_00Why do that when ADUs are now approved? We can we can ring the whole dog park with you know small ADU residences.
SPEAKER_01Adjacent dwelling units. Yes. Oh, we're gonna build condos around the dogs.
SPEAKER_00It has to be 900 square feet or less.
SPEAKER_01And if you go up and burn I'm just gonna put up lights. You figure guys figure that out for yourself. Yeah, but then next. So all you gotta do is put up right in the middle there. You put up one light tower with two sets of lights pointing down into each dog park. That could I mean that and then you light up the whole place because it's pitch black here at night. Next thing you know, the kids will be making allow up the liability issue if something happens.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, well, kids will come here and stop playing baseball.
SPEAKER_01You're right. So they always have liability issues on everything. I want lights. I have those lights when I take us out at all you need. No, it's not. You need more. You need this whole place lit up so the uh coyotes stay away. Well, we have the underground uh see better the coyote. They can see better.
SPEAKER_02They can see what they can pick out their meals easier. I guess they can choose which dog they wanted to die on.
SPEAKER_01I haven't seen a coyote in a long time. Weird. There's too many turkeys. They're having a feast on turkeys and the rabbits are all over the place.
SPEAKER_00Watch this. Charlie. There's a bunny! Where's the bunny? Where's the bunny? He's being distracted. He goes nuts with the word bunnies. Because you're right, there's a there's a million of them.
SPEAKER_01Now Charlie's gonna go harass this new dog. Right. Thank you. Thanks for the dog. Good job, Charlie.
SPEAKER_02Well, thank you all very much. Yay! Yay! You record this whole thing.
SPEAKER_00Thanks for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, and we'll see you next time.