Episode 26: Pregnant at 48: Donor Egg IVF Success with Louise Adhikari

Can epigenetics, donor eggs, and surrender really add up to "pregnant at 48"?

Episode Summary: 

In this episode of Fertile Frequencies Radio, Louise Adekari, working Mom, Storyteller, and C-suite communications advisor, shares how two failed transfers, a brave "yes" to egg donation, and a mindset of surrender opened the path to her daughter's arrival at age 48. From epigenetics (how your body's environment imprints a baby) to the emotional terrain of IVF, Louise shows how science and soul can work together.

Key Takeaways:

• Science + Spirit: Fertility is both medical and mystical; labs and procedures can harmonize with intuition and surrender.
• Detachment matters: Releasing control can create space for unexpected blessings.
• IVF is emotional work: The highs/lows are real, support is essential.
• Mindset is medicine: Calm, balanced focus supports every step (especially the two-week wait).
• Egg donation is a loving option: it's a viable and hopeful path for many.
• Epigenetics is powerful: The womb environment has a profound influence on development.
• Motherhood evolves you: Identity, values, and career can shift in meaningful ways.
• Knowledge = advocacy: Understanding options empowers better decisions.
• Every journey is unique; patience and perseverance are essential parts of the path.Episode Chapters:

Louise Adhikari's Bio: 

Working Mom. Storyteller. Global Communications & Public Affairs. C-Suite Advisor. With more than three decades of communications excellence in diverse and dynamic industries, I am a seasoned executive who leads the public affairs and communications strategy in various industries. I am passionate about creating and delivering compelling stories that showcase the value and innovation of Vantage's products and services to a wide variety of stakeholders.

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The contents of this podcast is intended for educational and informational purposes only. The information provided should not be construed as clinical advice, used as a substitute for professional healthcare guidance, or for discontinuing medical care or treatment. Always consult a qualified medical professional or healthcare provider for personalized medical advice, diagnoses, or treatment.

Transcript

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SPEAKER_03 0:00

Can epigenetics, donor eggs, and surrender really add up to pregnant at 48? Welcome to Fertile Frequencies Radio, where science and spirit share the mic and statistics can kindly take a seat. Today I'm buzzing to introduce Louise Atacari, working mom, storyteller, and seasoned C-suite communications advisor for 30 plus years, leading public affairs across many different industries, now shaping global communications. Louise's path flipped the script. After two failed transfers, she reframed everything through epigenetics, the process by which a mother's body imprints on a growing baby. She chose donor eggs with an open heart and did the bravest thing of all. She let go. The day she surrendered control, life responded, You're pregnant. And that same day, she also got a new job. She carried her daughter and gave birth to her at the age of 48, not by muscling the outcome, but by aligning with her higher self and divine timing. In this episode, we unpack the mindset of the two-week wait, why genetics isn't the whole story, and how the law of detachment can turn too late into right on time. If you're over 40, weighing donor conception or craving proof that science plus spirit can co-create miracles, then press play. She is one of my very lovely clients. We have worked together for quite a while, and I absolutely adore her. And I would like to introduce the very amazing Louise Atacari. How are you, Louise?

SPEAKER_00 2:00

I'm good. Thank you. Good morning, and thank you for having me.

SPEAKER_03 2:03

Yes, absolutely. Well, we are so excited to hear your story. And today you are going to be talking about your fertility journey. We're going to talk about some other things, how you have really gotten into what you're doing now and kind of where your life is and how your fertility journey has really been able to kind of shape where you are now. And so we're really excited to hear about that. So why don't you tell us? Let's just start off with you talking about uh your fertility journey and what you want to share with the listeners. Definitely lots of encouragement of those that are trying to conceive, especially anyone over 40.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

Absolutely. Well, we'll we'll start with the positives. My fertility journey led to a sassy, independent, um, headstrong seven-year-old daughter. So we'll we'll start with that as encouragement. The journey to get there was a an interesting and winding road, but um the the success in in bringing that to bringing that to life was is definitely worth the worth the reward. So um a little bit about me, just kind of for context. I'm a Brit by birth, which explains the accent. I'm an American by choice, um, and I'm married to a Nepauli um from Kathmandu. And um I've always been a um a world traveler. I've loved exploration and creativity and and really finding ways to um explore the world, the the world, and my fertility journey is kind of part part of that. Um I met my husband a little later in in life. I we were I was in my mid-30s, um, and I actually met him in Kathmandu Nepal. I had signed up to do a charity trek um to Base Camp Everest, and he was my expedition leader. So, in a nutshell, I followed him up a mountain and then brought him home as a souvenir. Um we it it it was one of those kind of destiny meant meant us to to meet. The reason I was on the trek was it was a bucket list item for for an ex-boyfriend who I wanted to prove that I could do something on the list. Um, but that that put me in the pool, and then the trajectory of the next um now 18 years has been um has been with Rabbi by my side. Uh I was living in Chicago at the time, he was living in Kathmandu. I was lucky. I I say lucky because I think the the universe may have had something to to do with it. I was lucky to do a lot of travel to Asia at the time. So he and I were able to meet and get to know each other. Um, I credit the internet. It was kind of very early online dating, considering we'd met in person, but we got to know each other through the internet and through email and through dial-up Skype and things like that. Um, so we we had this very uh storybook, lifetime TV movie uh relationship for um about six months. But it was that we were playing, we were dabbling, we were on two sides of the world connecting at opposite ends of the day to each other. Um but on one of our trysts in um in Asia, um, I actually fell pregnant and um very unexpectedly um as a as a teenager and in my early 20s, I'd had issues with just kind of my monthly cycle. Um, I'd been on birth control since my um mid-teens for uh to to regulate me. So I wasn't expecting um expecting to fall pregnant at any point. Um, but it came as a bit of a surprise. Uh, but it was the linchpin to us deciding that we were going to give our relationship a go. And we would we would find a way to make this crazy um Nepal Chicago relationship work. And so as I told Rabbi that I was pregnant, his reaction was, oh, I suppose we better get married then. My reaction was okay, and then we kind of set the plan in motion to to be together. Sadly, I I lost that pregnancy at 10 weeks. And um, but it had been the turning point for our relationship, and it didn't make a change on the fact that we were gonna give this a go and we were gonna find a way to make it work. Again, the stars aligned, kind of not no real plan as to how. Um, because I was on a visa in the working in the US, um, Rabbi had been in Nepal, uh, no real way, very difficult for especially young men to get visas to come to the US. So we started looking for opportunities that would put us somewhere else, um, another country. And I was offered an opportunity to actually go to Dubai and work in Dubai. And so we got married, we moved to Dubai and it started married life. We spent a year in Dubai, we spent two years in Mumbai, India, and then moved to Michigan, where I was in a pretty senior corporate communications role, a lot of travel, a lot of kind of bouncing around the world, long hours, very, very dedicated to um to my work and to my job. It was all I knew. Um, he and I had talked about children. Obviously, we'd we'd started um with this, that was with the with the loss, and we it was such a surprise um that I that I don't think I don't think the magnitude of the loss really impacted us. We just kind of moved on because it everything was happening so fast. Um and we we'd said when we got married that we would just we're gonna leave it in the hands of the gods. So when we married, I came off birth control and practiced and just kind of left it to see what was happening. Again, we were doing we we were doing so much um with our life, we were so active, we were traveling. Obviously, we're an international couple living in a third destination, um, but nothing kind of happened, and but it was okay. We weren't really thinking about it. And suddenly 10 years go by, and um I'm in my early starting to niggle, niggle in my brain. Um, and I had an experience in my professional life that really kind of made me stop and think, is my career everything to me? Is there something else? Do I want more? It was um a horrible professional experience. Um that had me questioning it everything. It shattered my confidence, it um it shattered kind of everything I I knew about being um being a corporate leader and really put those questions in my head. What what is all this for? Um as part of those discussions with Rabbi, the the the idea of children came back up. And um we looked at each other with with very very serious kind of faces and said, Well, 42, if that hasn't happened, I don't know that it will. But let's go, let's go see a doctor. This was the first time we kind of actively pursued an answer to why we hadn't fallen pregnant in the kind of the 10 years preceding that. Um, and we went to see a doctor, and the um the first OBGYN took one look at me and kind of uh went, you know you're 42, you're overweight, you're you really don't have a hope in hell. But I will recommend you to a specialist. Um we were living in Michigan, um, they recommended the fertility clinic at the University of Michigan in Ann Arbor, and we went um and we kind of elevated up in the system to go see um another specialist. And it was there at the U of M that I learned a couple of things. There was one reinforcement that I've at 42, you're quite old to be doing this, um, but in a much more positive stance, not you're 42 and you're done and dusted. This was just a reality check of you're 42. Um, within the U of M system at 42, I'd aged out of their IVF programming to have a child um with my own eggs. Um, they they could recommend me to a private clinic who may be able to support me if I wanted to go in, if I wanted to go down that path. Um, but with their programming, I'd aged out um just by nature of being 42, which I knew was a which I knew was in the cards. I knew that was a reality. We knew going into this that there wasn't a definitive end as much as we we kind of the the concept of children was now kind of taking taking hold of something that we would like to add into our lives, but the reality of that was uh was different. Then the doctor kind of introduced an idea which I really had no concept of, and it was the idea of egg donation. Um the the challenges we had were obviously mine, and so he brought up the did I did I know what egg donation was? Is egg donation something that we would consider? And my initial reaction was, oh no, that's weird. I it was it was a very um visceral reaction to that's just strange. That's taking a piece of someone else and putting it um in me and growing someone else's child. Uh, it felt at an initial glance, it felt like I was going down a surrogate route almost, that this child that I would be carrying was someone else's. Um, so my initial reaction was was very negative and um from a place of just lack of knowledge, didn't didn't understand what it truly meant. Um, but as they introduced the concept to me, a lot of what I learned very, very quickly was the the egg donation is you're really taking a single cell. And then once it's obviously mixed up in the lab, and and then once it gets kind of added into my environment into in in into me, um, that environment and how I nurture it and how I feed it um becomes as much a part of me as that single cell of DNA. Uh and so while if you swab test, we we may not appear to be related, the the fact that I grew and incubated and nurtured a baby inside of me for nine months um was would be it would definitely be my child. And so we decided to start a pursuit of um a pursuit of IVF through egg donation. The the benefit of egg donation is you don't have to go through the egg retrieval process, which I know can be brutal and is draining, physically exhausting. Um our donor, uh Michigan, it's an anonymous donor who I have so much gratitude for, um, went through that process for us. And so that is kind of happening in the background as I'm getting my body physically healthy. Um Rabbi and I talked up front. I think we, with the reality of being 42, um, when we started the process, there was a time, obviously, there was some time pressure and time constraint. Um there was a financial um, I wouldn't call it a constraint. There was a question of finances. It's not necessarily cheap to pursue this help. And so that had to be a consideration. Um, our medical insurance was incredibly supportive and paid for up to three attempts. So with my age and with our our medical insurance support, we we kind of put a framework around what this pursuit looked like. And it was we would commit to three tries. And if at the third try we we didn't win, we didn't, if if at the third try it didn't take, then it just wasn't meant to be. And we we did a lot of talking together on truly recognizing and and feeling gratitude for the life we had and everything that we did, and the freedoms we had, and that we were surrounded by families, our friends had families, and we are fantastic aunts and uncles, and we have godchildren, and we are surrounded by children anyway. So if it's not on the cards for us, it's okay. Um, and and so I think going in with that mindset and having a framework alleviated some some of the pressures of being all in and this has to happen. And um this is the only thing for me. Um, we we we'd done some of that. Had I started the journey 10 years earlier, I think it would have been a very different ball game. But where we where we were in our life with my age, um, it was the right decision for us. Um, the doctors wanted me to drop weight very quickly for round one. And so the three months leading up to round one, I was on a liquids-only diet, which was miserable. Um, but it was it worked, the weight came off. I was fit and healthy, kind of going, going into that, meeting all of the right, kind of the right expectations, but and it was failure, nothing. And the two-week wait came to came to naught. Uh, and it was mortifying. Anyone who's been through this, the you regardless of how chill you you kind of feel going into it, if it doesn't work, it it's awful. It it it's a it all of those expectations, whether you've thought about them in advance or not, suddenly become real. The what ifs or what have I done wrong? Why did I wait so long? Very much on me, very, very internal. Should I have done something different? Should I have um, could I have been healthier? Could I have dropped more weight? Um, so we the reaction to it not working was crushing.

SPEAKER_03 18:14

Just it, I love what you're talking about. I just want to elaborate on this a little bit, um, because this is really important to anyone that's listening to your story, that you know, that two-week wait and then a transfer failing and what that feels like. What do you think kept you going? Because I know you're gonna move into talking about the the keeping going in the journey, but like what do you think? Do you did you feel like, you know, I talk to with my clients all the time about this as a common theme, as is that people know they're meant to be a parent, they know they're meant to be a mom. They can just like feel it and they're gonna keep going no matter what, no matter how painful it is, because this is part of your destiny. So, and also your spirit baby is communicating with you. So your daughter was communicating with you uh and watching, you know, before she was in the physical form. She was just, you know, she was the embryo, but you know, the soul is watching. So, like, what sort of feelings that you have that kept you going?

SPEAKER_00 19:14

I think part of it was having that framework up front, is we knew what the parameters were. This was round one of three. Um, so there was gonna be a next one. There was definitely gonna be a next one. And the so I think that was what kept me going. It was it was momentum. I don't think we we jumped very quickly into round two, and I don't think I took a lot of time to even really think. It was I I built myself up to go into round one. It was failure. Round two is gonna work, I'm gonna be better next time. Um, I'm gonna do things differently, I'm gonna um eat differently, I'm gonna do do something differently. And so we quickly jumped into round round two um with that momentum. And um now with high insight, really not taking the time to to deal with that emotionally um and to deal with the the kind of the crushing defeat and what what that meant to Louise, the individual. I'm I'm a type A person, I don't fail. Right. And and and to fail at something so big and so vivid, and it it was hard, and it was easier to close the door and move on to the next one. Um, so I I think from uh looking back, there it was I I wish I'd taken a little more time to regroup mentally um to ready myself for round two. But the the first transfer was in the um October. We jumped into the round, the second round was in February, um, with a minor uterine cleanup surgery in the middle. Um, because you look at everything that went wrong. So it was there more that they could have done, was there more that um you could do? But it was a it was a very quick kind of cycle through because everything's on ice at this point. You're not um with the with the egg donation process, you're not waiting on another round of retrieval. You you have embryos on ice. Um, we were also incredibly lucky with the egg retrieval process for us. Our donor gifted us with 19 eggs, which is unheard of. Unheard of. We we know that um you look at the statistics and two, three, one um are Much more common, and we we had a bumper crop. Every time they go through a cycle, you lose, lose some, but we ended up with 12 healthy embryos. So I also had that on my side. I had a literally in a freezer, freezer in Ann Arbor, eight eight five-day, five-day old blastocysts ready for transfer. So I think those were all on our side. We went into round two very quickly and it failed again. And at that point, I I think I questioned everything. Was it that I didn't know if I had it in me to do do it a third time, even though um we that was the framework. Um, I didn't, I wasn't ready to jump straight back in and do it a third time straight away. I needed a break. I needed some, I needed time to grieve um what hadn't happened. I needed time to regroup on all of those wants and desires and the conversations you start having with your partner about, oh, isn't it going to be so cute when we're taking the kid to the park? Or oh, I can't wait until our kid's doing a piano recital or playing soccer as a toddler. Um you start to envisage all of those things. They become it becomes real as that journey progresses. And um the the second loss was was really hard. Or the the the second two-week wait was was traumatic, was much more draining mentally. And at that point, I wanted a break. And we we talked to our doctor and and kind of very very flippantly, he's like, they're they're on ice, they're not going anywhere. Um, so as long as you maintain your health and your fitness and your mental fitness, it you can wait for a while. You can it it it's not gonna do you any harm, it's not gonna make a lot of difference by waiting another year, 18 months. Um, I had an opportunity to go and work in Brazil for that for the following summer, which was a high energy um it was for the Olympics. So a high energy corporate sponsorship, corporate entertainment, hospitality role. Um, Zika was one that was an issue at the time, so we didn't want to be pregnant around the possibility of that. And so we decided to take a break and kind of regroup, commit to round three, as we'd always said we would, but we were gonna take a big break from the whole process and just kind of shut the door. We'll come back to it once we've had this the uh this summer of work and travel and fun and far too many mojitos and lots of rare steak in in Brazil and just enjoyed ourselves and just kind of re-regrouped as a couple and came back with a different mindset. And uh when we decided to go into round three, I'd also made some other big life decisions. I had decided that I'd been with the same company for 17 years, an incredible career. That, as I said, the reason I traveled the world was was because of my work. Um, but we were living in a small town in Michigan, and I wanted to be in a city. It was kind of pre-COVID. So work from home, work remote wasn't really on anybody's radar at that point. And I decided to bring that journey to a close and um had made the big decision that I was I was ending a 17-year career with this one company who had really shaped me as an as an individual, as a professional. Um, and we were gonna move on and we were gonna start another journey in Chicago. So I'd made that decision. We were starting to look for, look for jobs and for the move, and then we were going all in on round three. And I think mentally I was in a very calm, healthy, balanced frame of mind. And and I that I went in with no expectations. I dealt with the two failures, and I could live through another failure if that was what was meant to be.

SPEAKER_03 26:40

I just I want to ask you a question because you're at a point that I feel is really, really important to talk about, is is that mindset. And so you mentioned that you were in a very different mindset, and also I have to mention, based on how our subconscious mind works, is that do you think that from the very start that you could have possibly just planted the seed that you thought that third time was going to be the charm? Maybe.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

Maybe. Um the the mindset now, I both with with high insight and at the time, it was just I I didn't feel the pressure of the first or second round. I didn't feel the pressure of, oh, if I fail, this is the end of the world. It was like if this doesn't work, it's just not meant to be. And we're okay with that. We were okay with that at the start of this journey. It was hard to go through rounds one and two, but if it's truly, if my body is not meant to carry a child, there's always adoption. There, there's always another, another option. There's we have embryos, there's surrogacy. If we want to really pursue parenthood at all odds, we still have options. Again, a very an incredibly blessed position to be in. Um, no guarantee on any of those either, but we still had some options. And I just went in calm. I I wasn't as run ragged with work because I'd made the decision to make a change. There was excitement and hope um about moving to Chicago um and going back to my favorite city in the world. Um, and that was the the excitement and passion of doing that, of finding something new to do, of finding new, a new work, a new a new job, just gave me, I was in a good place. I was in a really good place. The way I kind of made I maintained was more than round one, but I I'd maintained a good balance and I was physically ready. I'd been exercising more, I'd gotten myself grounded, and I was I was good with good with life as is, um, and went in with no expectations and went in that I didn't have to win this one. It wasn't up to me. It wasn't uh it wasn't up to me if this was gonna work, it was in the hands of someone else. And and if it worked, it would be awesome. And if it didn't, that would be okay too. And Rabby and I would be okay, and and we would live through it, and we'd move on to the next thing and probably get a dog. Um, because that was kind of one of the negoti the negotiation chips. We still, for the record, we still don't have a dog. Um but we it was just a that the I went in much more balanced, I think. I I didn't, for example, I didn't take the Valium on my way to the transfer. They the the regimen with U of M was you have Valium just the morning off to just kind of calm your nerves. I didn't take it third time round. I I didn't, I felt good. I felt good about what we were doing and what was going in. We went in, we went through the third transfer. Um two weeks later, picked up the phone, congratulations, you're pregnant. Picked up the next school, congratulations, you have a new job. We're moving to Chicago, and it it all came together on the same day.

SPEAKER_03 30:40

The universe blesses us when we detach and surrender, and that's really what you did, and you know that. And we have worked on that with other things together with you, and you have seen such you're at a place now, Louise, where I know that you trust yourself, and it's for your fertility journey and other things too. And it's just such an incredible gift to be in that place. Anyone listening to Louise's story uh now is we're having this conversation that Louise is proof of that. She's proof that it can be really hard to surrender and trust. But when you do let go, and if you know about universal laws, that is one of the universal laws that the law of detachment. So she really was able to detach. And Louise is sitting here to this day. Uh, you know, of course, we'll kind of let her continue telling her fertility journey, but you know, this wonderful little girl that's entered her life, and it wouldn't have been possible if, you know, she wouldn't have allowed herself to detach and let her actually come into her life.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

And that's I I think as I I keep having to learn that lesson. I keep I keep having to learn the lesson of letting go, surrendering, stay with the stay with the plan. You know what your grand plan is. You're not necessarily in control of making that happen. And the the the taking the action steps towards it, the the bite-sized pieces, but you can't drive that. You you it's it's gonna come at you in a way that that is unexpected and and profound. Um, and and I keep having to learn that lesson. It it's great working with with you, Lindsay, on um this this journey that I've kind of come to through fertility, which was pre-Us meeting, um, but that that now continues to play out in um in other areas.

SPEAKER_03 32:46

Yeah, absolutely. It's it's wonderful. I mean, I can't uh so so proud of you. I mean, it's just it's one of the reasons why I wanted to have you on. And it's just you're such an inspiration for people and your energy. I know people can feel it as they listen to you speak. And so, um, well, we've we've got our little lady here. She's in your life, and and this is super exciting. And, you know, I have some questions for you. Uh, thank you so much for sharing your story. So, you know, the first question is was it difficult for you to come to the the conclusion, the decision to use donor eggs? I know that you had mentioned that it felt kind of foreign because it was another woman's egg. But just for people listening that might be on the fence about it or considering donor eggs, what sort of advice would you have for them of how you were able to move forward and and continue with that decision? And I'm sure that you're glad that you did.

SPEAKER_00 33:42

Very glad that we did. Um, I think for us, it was absorb as much information as you can about the how the impact of the carrier of the baby and the environment, um, the impact that that has on the growing the growing baby. Um, it's really you're you're taking one piece, you're taking a teeny tiny cell from somebody else. And by the time it gets absorbed into you and you're nurturing it and you're feeding it, and it it it becomes a it's immediately a piece of you as soon as it enters your body. Um, my initial thoughts around felt almost like I was going to be a surrogate to someone else's child. Um but I needed to take the time to really understand the concept of that nine months of growth and that everything I ate, every how I moved my body during those times, how I looked after myself during those nine months was that was feeding the the the child's growth. And um it it's not like having a full-grown baby put inside you. It's you're growing it, you're you're building this. And on the and totally not a medical, um medical expert in this, but I I think hearing the doctor describe to me there's some really real things that the environment has the bigger impact on than genetics. One of those was heart health, was to do much more to do with the environment that the baby is growing in versus a genetic issue. Spinobifida was another one that um stuck in my mind about how the environment can create um that kind of challenge. And I think that was my turning point in wow, I I'm in control of some of this. Um, or it's my body that is controlling some of this. And so it was we absorbed ourselves, we did everything we shouldn't. We went deep down internet rabbit holes, but it was very beneficial. The the study of epigenetic genetics has come on so much, even in the last seven years since we had Mishka, there wasn't a lot, a huge amount of literature when we uh when we decided to pursue this um this uh this journey. But the more the more information that I learned, the more obvious to me was the impact that Louise had on this pregnancy. Um, and then as soon as you as soon as you're carrying it's yours, as soon as the the baby is inside of you, it is yours. Um and now seven years later, I she is mine. Right, all mine. She is physically, she reflects my my husband. She she reflects her Nepali upbringing. She has the dark hair, the dark skin, she tans at the touch of a button. None of her um British mother is reflected in in that. But I look at pictures of me as a child and we look alike. Yeah, there's there are definite similarities. And from a personality in the way that she thinks, she is 100% my child.

SPEAKER_03 37:17

Well, I love it that you're bringing this up because that was a question that I had. It's something that I often talk with people about, especially when people are considering egg donation, adoption, or sperm donation, embryo donation, that your child actually will come out like you. And it's because the soul is really attached to you, the energy, and you know, our bodies are portals uh to really be able to bring these children into the world. And so all of us are spirit babies as a spirit baby medium talking about spirit babies. And so we come through our mother's body and it's through portal. And that's really what was happening, is that, you know, it doesn't really matter that you used a donor egg. This child was meant to be in your life anyway. And Mishka, I know Louise keeps talking about Mishka, that's her daughter's name. And, you know, she has always been meant to be with you, and that is the reason why you see these similarities and because you have a soul connection with her. And I've had many clients over the years that the child will actually come out looking, like physically looking like the person that wasn't able to donate um their genetics. But there is again a soul connection here. And I just have to tell you that I keep seeing images of Mishka as with this magic wand and this pink dress. And that was really her, is that you know, she was waiting for the magical time to enter into the portal through your body and come into this physical world. And then it really wasn't. I think you knew intuitively that it was going to be third time the charm, because that's actually what she wanted. Because in the growth of your evolution, you really were able to be in the position that you really wanted to be in as her mother. And so it's not just about their entrance, uh, but we do have to remember with everyone is choosing when they want to come into this physical world. So when we're trying to get pregnant, we need to remember that too and be patient, which can be hard. But our spirit babies, our babies have their agenda as well. But also they love us so much that they want us to be in the place in our growth before they actually come into the experience. And so that's what I'm really feeling is that she just really wanted you to have that gift of being able to really be putting yourself first, you know, rather than trying to put everyone else first.

SPEAKER_00 39:44

Yeah, that it definitely drove that big transition, I think. Having having her going through the through the process of just a fertility journey was really it's been a lot about finding myself and finding who I am and who I am authentic, what is authentic to to me. Um I didn't know I really wanted to be a mother. It had never been my soul driver. I have best friends who it's the only thing they wanted. Um, and though those who came to it easily, those who have struggled, but it but it's been the only thing they wanted. I never had that. I never felt a desire to be pregnant, to to give birth to a child. Um, but when the at the right time and when that came to me as the as this is what I do want, hang on a minute. I I I do want this. I do kind of like this idea. It was I I said I Mishka's the the child I didn't know I wanted, but the child the universe knew I needed. And and seeing her blossom into this independent, sassy, creative, imaginative kid. Um challenging, she is far from perfect, but um, but but that she she gets that from me too. Um but seeing really her develop um into that has has kind of shaped, shaped me in ways that I didn't expect and continues to shape me into um kind of what what whatever's coming next in my journey.

SPEAKER_03 41:34

Yeah, I love that. And that leads us right into, you know, how do you feel that Mishka changed you and really how you view life?

SPEAKER_00 41:46

Oh, that's a big question.

SPEAKER_03 41:48

I know, I know. Well, let's think, let's think about what your about your contribution and where you feel that you are going, maybe in what I say contribution because that's more of what rather than career. Um, I don't like anyone to ever think of what they're doing as work, you're creating, you know, you're creators. So, but if we want to use the word career, because a lot of people resonate with that word, so they understand what that means. So, but if you think about your career contribution to this world, how do you think that Mishka has helped you shape that and where you're going?

SPEAKER_00 42:24

Well, I think initially there's just the the the change of becoming a mother um changed me from being very very selfish, not in a mean or cruel way, just a very focused on myself. Any child, any nick nit caring kind of relationship where you're nurturing someone else, that has to change. And I so I started to look very differently at what was important to me, what is important to me. Um have done a lot of self-reflective work on how did I I didn't set out to have a grand career in corporate public affairs. I had opportunities presented that I jumped on and I it's fueled a passion. I'm a a writer at heart and a wordsmith. Um PR's given me that and everything else that comes with a with a corporate career. Um, but what I what I've realized, especially in the last couple of years since my mum passed away, is I want to give more to, I want to give more of me to Mishka. I it's not a material thing. I can support her materially by warrant of having um this this very kind of traditional corporate career. But I want time. I want to I want time to give back, to be with her. Her to spend time with her. And not necessarily just her. I it having a child has just made me see the world differently. And living through my own experience of self-worth worth and realizing that in my mid-50s, I'm now just accessing. There are some really cool life skills and tools that had I had earlier, I may I may have made different decisions, things like meditation or um just self-worth, self-efficacy, belief in myself. Um had I had tools that I've now been introduced to, um, either by nature because I've had to learn to be patient, I've had to learn to listen to a person who can't explain themselves directly. Um, so there's just growing, there's growth there, um, compounded by growth of inner work. An introduction when I started working with you, Lindsay, really thinking about who am I, what's my authentic self, um, and wanting to take kind of the next my next leap um is I I'm using the current time to kind of pivot. I believe that my my corporate time has a um is coming to an end, and the world of the entrepreneur is starting to resonate. Um how that had always looked to me was I've just jumped from corporate PR to freelance PR. Um and really seeing Mishka develop and seeing her needs, she's become my muse, and my now my goal now is to apply myself to the the world of children's mental health and wellness, and specifically in an elementary school age. Um, I don't I don't know 100% what that looks like, um, but I I want her to have exposure since now um to the the tools and the mindset and the way of thinking and manifestation that she can she's got control over. I I want her and her peers to be able to access that since now. And I think there's a space um in the um say market, it's bigger than market. I think there's a space in the world to develop um somewhere for for children that will will have give them access to that.

SPEAKER_03 46:54

Yeah. That's incredible. And what I'm feeling is that Mishka really helped you awaken your sacral chakra, which is your womb space, and that really is a place of fertility. Um and fertility beyond just having a baby, but creation, you know, and really being able to be in that authentic self and be comfortable in that. And so I think that's a huge part of why she's in your life, you know, and why she's here is to help you to be able to map that out. And we've talked about this before, but Mishka has a big purpose here, um, not just with your purpose, but also with things that you will definitely see unfold. And uh she is absolutely your muse. Um, so I'm so excited that you guys have each other and your story is absolutely incredible. And just to state, um, how old were you when you had Mishka?

SPEAKER_00 47:48

I was 48 when I gave birth to her. 48. I carried her to 39 weeks and six days, and she delivered at 10 pounds, 10 ounces. She was a she was huge.

SPEAKER_02 48:04

Yeah, a manifestation. Well, huge manifestation, 1010.

SPEAKER_00 48:08

And an incredibly, incredibly healthy pregnancy. Um, that other than other than being tired, checked, I was lucky in um the way of floating through your pregnancy that I that I did, especially as my OBGYN laughs at me. He's like, You walked into my office at the end of your first trimester, graduated from kind of fertility school into a standard OBGYN, who I found on Google, um, but who became my the the perfect, perfect person. He a specialist in a kind of maternal aging mothers. I can't think of the official term for it. The but uh he's like, I I looked at you and saw old, overweight, IBF baby, what could go wrong? The whole list of things. Um, but we we kind of breezed through, breathed through all of them. So I it was um it was definitely the right pregnancy at the the right time to to deliver the right kid.

SPEAKER_03 49:14

That's absolutely amazing, absolutely incredible. And your story again, it's just so incredible to be able to share. And I know that we've talked about you possibly writing a book about it. I think that sharing your story will help so many people to be able to offer that inspiration and encouragement that are struggling with fertility obstacles and might be more of the advanced maternal age and thinking that it's never going to happen for them. But you are proof that it does, and that children come into this world not always the way that we're expecting it to happen, and that remembering, like we talked about, that energetically a soul is connected to you, and the the physical DNA is only part of the equation. It's really the energy DNA is what's most important. So, just some last words. What advice would you give to anyone on a fertility journey that's listening to this that might be in a similar situation, considering egg donation or anything that you've experienced? Just tell us what uh advice that you might offer for someone on a fertility journey.

SPEAKER_00 50:24

I think don't lose yourself to the journey. Keep the focus on you. Because regardless of what happens, you're still standing. That's in the rounds that I went through. I think initially I lost myself to the journey. And when we came into round three, I found myself. It was that balance and the um I got myself into a good place. I look was looking after myself. I but it it became a positive selfish. It's focused on you first, then on others, and kind of then on the then on the journey. I surround yourself with supportive people. My spouse is the obvious, but my friends who came with with me on the journey, and that support of others were was critical for the good times and the bad. So that I think that self and and your network um of support are the the two real key pieces that that will grow and and learn, be curious, uh learn about what this means, learn about the impact, learn, learn as much as as you can. Um because that was very helpful to my journey.

SPEAKER_03 51:40

Yeah, yeah. Well, absolutely. Well, Louise, it was wonderful having you on today, and I'm sure that we will have you on at another time talking more about your business. Louise is in the developing stages, so but it's so exciting what she's doing. And I know she has talked a little bit about it, but we are just, I'm so we, I, everybody, the whole universe are so excited that you joined us today. And thank you so much for your time and sharing your story. Thank you for having me. Yes, absolutely. Louise just reminded us that fertility isn't a stopwatch, it's a relationship with your hormones, your nervous system, and higher self. Whether you're TTC at 28 or 48, going through IVF or fertility treatments, considering a donor or sperm donor, or charting naturally, your body is always speaking. And when we pair science with surrender, those doors open. And next up, we're diving into medical intuition for fertility, reading body signals alongside labs. Body cues are the memo, labs are the translation. Together, they write your most fertile plan. But before you head out, follow the show and leave us a five-star review so we can continue to bring you this valuable fertility support. Truly, without your support, we can't keep going. And don't forget to explore our signature fertility apothecary with rituals and remedies for your hormones, spirit baby, and fertile energies that will absolutely love you. Need deeper guidance? Book a complimentary fertility discovery call with me. I'm here to help you every step of the way. Share this with a friend who needs a miracle upgrade, and I'll meet you in the next episode where your body's wisdom and your lab work finally team up.