Show Us Your Muscles

Welcome to the NO HOMO debut! Jonathan and Tom dive right in, analyzing the story choices on And Just Like That..., debating the sanity of staying plugged into the news, and exploring Jonathan's potential as a power bottom. 

Transcript

Jonathan: [00:00:00] What's up? 

Tom: What's up? 

Jonathan: We did, it's, it's our first 

Tom: podcast, bro. It's our 

Jonathan: first, our first episode of 11 episodes. It's, we have, we have done, we have done so many test runs of this, but we're here now. We're gonna do it. We're doing it for real. There's no turning back. 

Tom: I can't believe it. 

Jonathan: Wow, man. We've, we did it.

We got, we've gotten this close and now we just gotta do all of the rest of it. Welcome to no homo. This is no homo. This is no homo. This is the No Homo podcast with Jonathan and Tom. I'm Jonathan. And I'm Tom. What, uh, what is this? What are we doing here? Can you tell us about it? 

Tom: Yes, I can. This is two best friends, one straight and one gay riffing on their daily lives.

The insanity of current events and what it means to be a man gassing each other up while the world burns. 

Jonathan: I tell you what, I think the thing that has gotten. Best through all of this work, through all this work. Shopping is your reading of the log line. Honestly, it's, it's, it's moving for me every week.

Now I [00:01:00] want you to read it. Even if we get to the point that it's like recorded. I want you to read it live every week because it makes me feel so good and we've done it so many times. At this point, do 

Tom: you like, do you like seeing my eyes go to the side and come back 

Jonathan: so subtle. It's, yeah, it is. I don't even notice it.

You've got, you've turned into such a pro with this. You welcome to episode 1 0 1. Our first episode. Oh, episode 1 0 1. Our first episode that we're gonna put out for everyone. We have, we have 10 in the bank. We have 10. Not that we're gonna air probably ever, we're just 10 episodes to workshop it, to figure it out.

To try to get our messaging, our branding. Yeah. 

Tom: Yeah. Those 10, 10 episodes are in the vault. That's like the paywall in the vault. 

Jonathan: Yeah. Yeah. You have to, you have 

Tom: to pay to see those. And there's some good stuff in those. That's true. 

Jonathan: Those will be behind the paywall. We'll get there. Dude, 

Tom: we have been working on this since December.

We've been recording episodes. Since December. It's now June 23rd. We have been preparing this podcast longer than Kamala Harris prepared her [00:02:00] ran for president. That's, that's how long we've been working on this. 

Jonathan: That's true. The workshop of this podcast has already lasted longer than the Harris Presidential campaign did.

That's right. Certainly longer than the workshop of that campaign did. 

Tom: Certainly 

Jonathan: longer. 

Tom: Yeah. I'm, I'm proud of us though, man. Yeah. 

Jonathan: Here we are. We're doing it. I don't know how many times I can say here we are. We're doing it Before we actually say anything that, that matters, but I'm just gonna keep saying it.

Tom: Here we are. We're doing it. That's all the podcast is. Thank you everybody. Have a good night. Bro, this is the hottest you've ever looked though. Like how did you, you think so? How did you time that for our first podcast? 

Jonathan: Well, I'll let you in on a little secret, even though I, I'll just choose to believe you.

That's so nice. So nice of you to say thank you so much. It warms my heart. Um, but I, I will say that I am wearing a little makeup for the first run. I couldn't help, but I got a little Hollywood. I have like a massive, massive pimple that came up. Yeah. Ooh. Yeah. I see it. So, and I, it's like I put on some foundation and it's not even like, it just.

Now it just looks [00:03:00] like a crusty pimple instead of a, I don't know, whatever. Is there, is 

Tom: it foundation you want to hawk? Like do you need to haw any words? No, it's not working. I'm 

Jonathan: not gonna, no, it's not. No. Um, which is a, a brilliant organic segue into what we're doing here because it's not unusual for me to be found online.

Hawking hawking 

Tom: wares. No. You love to Hawk Wears, make hair 

Jonathan: supplies and nail polish. I love it. I love to hawk wears it. 

Tom: It is a good segue. What is this podcast? What are we doing on the, what are we doing here? 

Jonathan: What are we doing here? This is, uh, this is No homo. This is, uh, Jonathan and Tom. Two best friends.

You've already read the log line. Um, here, here's what I think it came down to for us. We've rehearsed this part so many times. Um, but the truth of it is, the bottom line is, uh, the world is crazy. I have a social media presence and I have not really been able to figure out what to do with it other than Hawk Wares.

I try to, I try to make points. I try to question gender norms. I try to, uh, [00:04:00] encourage people to look at a broader, uh, spectrum of masculinity and what that really means. And, and, and I don't know. You're my best friend and I like talking to you and the chance to talk to you once a week about just the, the stuff that's going on.

And I feel like, uh, it's great to have a, a teammate here for this. You know, like I do a lot of, a lot of videos that are just me talking to the camera. Um, and I, I can ramble on by myself, but it's really fun to have you here to talk to about it. And it feels less like crazy. So much of the world feels, it feels like it's insane that everyone's not talking about how insane it all is.

So, it, it's a little grounding to have somebody that I care so much about who agrees that this is insane and we should, we should talk about it. 

Tom: Well, thank you. That means so much to me. Yeah, of course, man. 

Jonathan: Of course. Yeah. 

Tom: I I feel like we've been talking for a while about doing something together. Yeah. 

Jonathan: We 

Tom: had, we've had this title, no Homo for years.

Mm-hmm. We used to joke about what it could be like, uh, some sort of reality. Yeah. Like really, we, 

Jonathan: we had that, we've had that, and we just weren't sure what to do with it. Yeah. 

Tom: Yeah. And, and [00:05:00] I have always, unlike you been someone who, uh, I don't really like the spotlight. I don't really like, um, I, I don't like to be the center of attention.

Um, and so the thought of this was scary to me and is scary to me still. Um, and I also feel like, who am I, I don't really, you know, who, who cares what I think? But, um, I don't know. Two things kind of happened that for me solidified like, okay, let's give this a go. The first, like you already mentioned, you have like this online presence.

It's been really amazing watching it grow over the last two years. Um, and you, uh, I just think you use your platform for. Such good in the world. And, um, even though I don't like watch every single little thing you put out, you 

Jonathan: don't watch them at all. Thank you. Thank you much. 

Tom: I like, I, I see what they're about and I do, I do, I do likes and like I'm, you know, if, if it felt like we had, it felt like we might have an audience if we tried to do this, which was, was encouraging to me, not just starting from zero.

And then the other thing [00:06:00] that happened, honestly was the election. And, um, you know, I feel like such a fool that I was surprised about how the election went. Yeah. Um, but I was, and disappointed and heartbroken and scared and feeling like, um, how could I try to be a voice and, and what could I do? And, and, and this idea that maybe together we could try to make sense.

And not that this podcast is just gonna be about politics and current events, but I think we will talk about that stuff sometimes. And yeah. Um, I, I appreciate the opportunity to make sense of it with you. 

Jonathan: Yeah. Good man. Thank you. And I, I, I, it's so funny to hear you, and I, I believe you and I understand what you're saying, that you're not a, a spotlight guy, but one of the things I think is great about doing this podcast is that you, yeah, you don't have like the need for external validation that I have, but you do, like, when you're out and people are around you, you people wanna listen to you, man, you're a great storyteller.

You're really fun, you're really magnetic. And I think that like, if nothing else, this is an excuse. [00:07:00] It's a way to get you a broader audience so that people can hear what you have to say. I think you're really good. You're really good at relaying feelings and you, um, you, I mean, you, you know, I don't know how much you wanna get into it, but we, we met you were directing me in theater, and I think that your ability to tell stories and your ability to convey emotion and to get points across is just second to none.

And so that, you know, I think that's a, a big part of what I am excited about doing here. 

Tom: Is this the gassing each other up part? Yeah. 

Jonathan: Yeah. That's really all. Can we just skip to that? Can we just do an hour of now you, now you go. You go. You go. Say, say something about me. Say 

Tom: show. Show us your muscles.

Jonathan: You've got your t-shirt on. Tell us about the t-shirt. I do. I do have my t-shirt on. This is paint Nails, punch Nazis. It is, um, yeah, go, 

Tom: go like that. More like that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. More like that. That's good. That's good.

Jonathan: Um, yeah. And this is also the only sponsor we have so far. That's why I wore it right away. Uh, it's, we have a sponsor. We [00:08:00] do, uh, paint nails, punch Nazis. My, my merch shop is our sponsor. Where's, I need my check. 

Tom: Yeah, I need my check, bro. Where's my check? Being here right 

Jonathan: now? Being here right now is the check.

Yeah. 

Tom: You, I need my direct deposit. I didn't know we had sponsors. 

Jonathan: Um, yeah, we have sponsors because instead of putting my kids to bed right now, I'm here doing this. So this shirt afforded us the chance for me to take one night of bedtime off to be able to do the podcast. Fair enough, fair enough. But paint, nails, punch Nazis.

I, uh, those are the two things that have, I've ended up with being the, the, the kind of cornerstones of my social media presence. I, I paint my nails. I, you know, I really do try to buck gender norms. In fact, my son earlier was painting my daughter's toenails and he was doing a. Great job of it. And I was sitting there thinking like, no matter what across the board, like, uh, gender norms aside, sexual preference, aside, all those things aside, like this is an awesome moment.

He could, he could learn this skill to take with him to paint his girlfriends or wife's nails, or he might not be into women. He could paint his own nails. [00:09:00] He could paint a, he could decide to paint or not paint anyone's nails ever for the rest of his life. And it's just one more skill he has in his toolbox and like.

Why would you not want your kids to have as many skills as possible? 

Tom: I, I agree. 'cause you know what? I don't know how to do well is paint nails. 

Jonathan: I thought you were gonna say produce a podcast, but Yeah, paint, paint, nails, 

Tom: produce a podcast. Well, also, but yeah, I, um, when I've painted nails with my niece, I'm a disaster.

Like I, yeah. See, and most, 

Jonathan: most men are. And that becomes like a thing that you're just like, I, I guess I can, I can't do that. And you're like, why would you, why would you not want to have a skill no matter what? Like, like a, if you don't wanna wear nail polish, if you don't want whatever. Like that's your preferences, your fashion preferences are fine.

But like the idea that a man is somehow less manly because they can paint nails. To me it's like. That's the opposite because it's a skill that you don't have. Not really you, but the universal you, as far as men who say that like, don't have it, that I do have. It's true. Now my son has it. 

Tom: You know, we need to, we need to circle back to this [00:10:00] conversation.

'cause you already know that I don't really like when my nails are painted. Yeah. I, I I chafe at how that makes me feel. Yeah. And I, I might need you to help me unpack that, so, okay. We can get into that. Our listeners need to like, and subscribe and come back for episode 1 0 2. 

Jonathan: Teasers. Love it. I love it.

Cliffhangers in the first 10 minutes. I love it. And we'll unpack that next week. Love it. Uh, and, and to be fair, I think that you, in the past, uh, six months, I guess you have become quite a podcast producer. We have done, this has been the most DIY ness of, of all of the. Things that could be. And we have gone through so many different setup options.

We have learned so much. 

Tom: I'm so janky and jaggedy, so, so our listeners, our viewers, maybe they'll be viewers need to, who knows? Yeah, who knows? I, I hope you guys can forgive us, our roughness, um, and, and, and bear with us as we figure out the tech of all this. But I, I guess I, I, I'm wondering, you know, I want to just share some fears I have about doing this.

'cause I [00:11:00] feel like maybe, um, maybe it might help me to just say them out loud. Great. I, I, I already said earlier that I am not someone who likes to be on camera or on stage or in front of a crowd or in a spotlight. So I'm, I'm, I'm nervous, bro. I'm, I am so nervous about what people are gonna think about this, and I'm nervous about what people are gonna say in the comments.

And a little part of me, I mean, that goes back to like. Being called pork chop on my way into kindergarten in fifth when I was five years old. But like, I, so I'm also, part of me is like, fuck it, I want to do this and like push through those fears and so that's why I'm here. But, and I know it's gonna happen, I guess, or we'll be lucky if it happens.

Yeah. I mean, 

Jonathan: one can hope, right? Let's, let's hope that, that it reaches a far enough audience that there's shit talkers in the comments. 

Tom: Yeah. Yeah. But I think about like, friends watching this, I think about like people who used to be friends watching this. Yeah. I think about like, my family watching this and [00:12:00] what if we get into stuff about our family, which I kind of hope and suspect we will at some point.

And 

Jonathan: Yeah, I mean think like any, like any person should, we don't agree with everything that our parents and our family. Like we have our own set of, you know, beliefs and, and perspective that is not always in line with our parents or our families and No. Yeah, there's certainly space in this podcast for that to, uh, come up and, you know, be a thing we have to deal with.

IRL. So, you know, that's certainly one of my fears too. Um, I don't wanna jump on yours though. If you have a, if you have a No, 

Tom: no. Those are my fears. I, I shared them all. 

Jonathan: You sure You don't have anymore? That's it. There more, no more fears. Um, 

Tom: no, you don't have to have anymore. My other fear, I mean, I guess there's a part of me that is anxious about like, could this ruin our friendship?

'cause you're my best friend. Yeah. So I don't want, um, I wouldn't want this to do that, but we've made it six months so far. So I think, yeah. And honestly, 

Jonathan: like for the, for, since the listener or viewer, uh, has not, uh, been along for this whole ride. Uh, I, it's, it has been like a real, I think a [00:13:00] relationship builder because we've been through, like, we don't, we haven't agreed on every step of this.

We've had, we've had our moments of, of for sure miscommunicating and disagreeing and, uh, you know, we're still, we're still here. We're still doing it. And yeah. Uh, I think there's, there was that 

Tom: time you threw 

Jonathan: that chair at me. 

Tom: Well, like, it's been rough. 

Jonathan: Yeah. If you take your pants off again like that, I'm gonna throw a chair at you.

If you just, if you, I told you no penis is out during recording. I'm gonna throw a chair every time. 

Tom: Okay. 

Jonathan: But 

Tom: after recording,

Jonathan: yeah, sure. After recording all, all penises out. Yeah. Woo, woof. Whoa. I don't know. We're also figuring out what the parameters of our listeners, uh, will want here. I've got a lot of, like, what is 

Tom: the audience 

Jonathan: for this gonna be? I don't know. It's like I'm, I'm inviting my audience of like, a lot of parents, a lot of like, it's, it's not like the cleanest material, but it's like pretty family friendly over there and we're just like.

Dicks out. Like, I wonder if our partners 

Tom: will listen. 

Jonathan: I mean, sure. Like when [00:14:00] I, when I specifically ask, I, I, it's one of my favorite things about my wife, Jen, is that she supports all of this, but not in like a super fan kind of way. Like, she will go days without realizing, like, you, my, the closest people to me in my life are the least engaged with my content on the planet.

You and my wife are both like, oh, I saw that you posted something. I'm like, that was two weeks ago and it has 3 million views. Thank you very much. Like, maybe check in, but. 

Tom: Including like pink, like pink's seen it, but I haven't seen it. Yeah. 

Jonathan: Yeah. That's what I have to, I have to take a celebrity who maybe one of you will care about and be like, look, will you watch this one?

Now look, pink is validating me. Will you look at this please? Alright. Well, what, what are your 

Tom: fears 

Jonathan: about this podcast? Uh, I think that, uh, uh, just to kind of like, um, balance out yours, I don't have exactly those same fears because I, you know, I spent a long time as an actor. Uh, so I [00:15:00] spent a long time getting rejected for a lot of roles, a lot of things, a lot of, um, there's just, it's, there is a, a thicker skin that comes with that.

I think over time. And, uh, also I've been doing, you know, uh, content creation for a couple years and, uh, there's a, a, a thicker skin I guess that comes with that. I mean, I get, I, you know, I have assholes in the comments plenty of the time, and they, they get a little, I, I can feel my fight or flight kick in.

I can feel that that trigger come up. And then I just have to remember like, I, who cares? Like, I don't even, not even enough to like insult that person just who gives, who gives a shit, whatever. It's just like, I don't know. Usually it's, I'm like, it's a bot or it's somebody else in, somewhere in the world.

That doesn't matter at all. Um, but I, I do, I. Think I believe in this. So my fear is, my biggest fear is like, just that it doesn't work and doesn't do anything. Like, I think that we could get people to listen. I think if people were listening, uh, like I don't have the smartest things to say. I learn a lot from you.

I have opinions and they're not always overly educated, but I think that our [00:16:00] relationship, being out there for people to see could make a difference. And I guess my fear is not, I would rather people be mad about that than people not give a shit or like, it not be interesting enough for people to care about.

Yeah. I think that's my, and that still happens with content too. You know, I, I, I still sometimes freeze up over thinking like, is this, is this valuable as far as time? Like, is is someone gonna watch this? Is it gonna work? Or am I gonna have to put something out there that is my own of myself and watch it and watch the world not care about it?

You know? Yeah. That's the, that's the other side of the coin. When people do care a little bit, when you can get that. That dopamine rush of having a lot of people pay attention. And then like when it, when it's crickets for something, it's like, oh man, that sucks. Yeah. You love 

Tom: your dopamine. I know you do.

Who doesn't? Who doesn't? Speaking of dopamine.

What did you think about episode four of your favorite TV show? And just like that, 

Jonathan: [00:17:00] I'm so glad that this is, that over the past 10 weeks or 10 test runs, we have decided this is a, a real segment that gets space in the pod that we're starting 

Tom: on episode four on. Well, 

Jonathan: you know, 

Tom: it's kind of like the original Star Wars, you know how the original Star Wars?

Yeah, yeah. 

Jonathan: Yes. 

Tom: Started on episode four. 

Jonathan: Um, alright, let's get, let's get caught up on and just like that really quickly. Yeah. Um, I, I'm going to assume that most of our listeners, if you've gotten this far in hearing the two of us talk, you probably know what the show is. The Venn diagram seems like you probably have, uh, you're paying attention a little bit to and just like that.

But it is the third season. See? Fourth, fourth, fourth season, third season, third season, fourth season, third season, third 

Tom: season, fourth episode. Third season. 

Jonathan: Yes. Fourth episode, third season of the Sex and the City reboot. And just like that where they, um. Whatever it's following, the same women. And, uh, we both started watching the show.

Um, and it is, uh, it's such, [00:18:00] um, uh, a, it's a bonkers, it's a bonkers, bonkers show. I'm just so surprised every week. 

Tom: Well, I think it's, I think it's important that people understand that you never really watch the original. 

Jonathan: That's true. I never watched the original, so you're, you're 

Tom: coming to this. 

Jonathan: But, but the thing is, and the thing that I wanna make very clear and that I make clear to everyone is that I didn't come to it thinking like, I don't, the original isn't worth anything.

I came to it understanding the original's place in the zeitgeist. It's an important show. It was empowering to women. It was like sex positive. It was all these, like, it, it had all of these things going at the time that were, that were needed. And it might've been a little cheesy sometimes, and it might've been like a, a silly show sometimes.

But it also like. Was it gave something, gave like society a version, uh, to look at and go like, oh, this is okay. You can be successful and not have kids. You can have a, an active sex life. You can, whatever, you know, a friend groups are important. All these kind of things that would, that would come up from the original.

Sure. And I understand that it was important and I understand that whatever, a lot of people cared about it. [00:19:00] And so, yeah, I came into it with that, but I don't, I don't wanna sound like I came into it thinking like, that dumb lady show, and now I'm like, well, that's just a dumb lady show. It's not like that at all.

It's like, I, I respect it and I wanted it to be good. I wanted to come into the second, the reboot of this movement, you know, that this, this thing that did a, a societal shift. Um, and I was excited to be a part of it the second time around. And n now, now we're here. 

Tom: We're here now. We're here. Alright, let's, let's dive into episode four.

Okay. Uh, how ex, how, how did it make you feel inside? When Carrie was fishing and she said the words and just like that I'm fishing. Like, did you get a little, did you get a little trouble? What did I get? A little, what did you get? A little excited. The way they would just work that title in there. 

Jonathan: I thought I, I was gonna throw something in my tv, but like it, yeah, I did love extra points, extra points for working in the title in the middle of the episode.

Not at the [00:20:00] end. Uh, definitely. Great. Uh, her fishing it, it, it, so she's fishing because she's supposed to be spending time. With her, with kids, her boyfriend's kids. 

Tom: Yep. 

Jonathan: And she's not happy about doing that. But she will do it because Aiden wants her to, 'cause it's important to 'cause, 'cause Wyatt's having some trouble, uh, acclimating to her being around because if we wanna go back for one second, Aiden invited her to come over, uh, and then got to his farm in the middle of wherever the fuck.

And was like, by the way, my sons don't know you're coming, so can you sleep over there tonight? 

Tom: Yeah. He's he's being extra. Yeah. Yeah. So 

Jonathan: extra. Yeah. And then we, the, the, the first, the first meeting of them is they're painting the window outside of her bedroom like that. Aiden, this father was like, Hey boys, alright, we got chores today.

Those chores are gonna be paint the guest house. It's a surprise. But go ahead and just do that. Like what? So, so she's fishing with the sons, [00:21:00] trying to. Bond, I guess. Um, and yeah, drop in. Is it, is 

Tom: it, is it wrong to say that the two older sons are kind of hot? Am I allowed to say that? 

Jonathan: I think you can say that.

I, well, actually, I don't know. I, I don't know, man. Um, I, I just said it. It's out there. Yeah. Well, we're gonna go with it. Great. We're gonna go with it. Uh, it's been said, so Yeah. I think that you, I think we can acknowledge that they're strapping young men. Okay. Good, 

Tom: good, good. I thought so. Why? It's a mess though.

Jonathan: Uh, why? It's mess. It's a mess. Why? It is a mess. He needs his Adderall. I don't know what age. Aiden. Yeah. Well that's true. That, boy, that's the oldest. You've sounded in 11, 10 weeks of work shopping at a pilot episode. The oldest you've sounded is that that punk kid needs a haircut.

Tom: Yeah. Cut that shit off. 

Jonathan: I was excited because they introduced a character this past week. Um, that is Aiden. That is Carrie's [00:22:00] boyfriend's ex-wife's boyfriend. And his name is Bob, and nobody gives a shit about Bob. And Bob shows up, pours himself a drink, and sits at the corner while the family does whatever they do.

And I have never felt like a, there's a more relatable character in this show. I should have saw you for that. I, I, I could be Bob. I should be Bob. I should be Bob. I want to be Bob. Bob needs a friend. Bob needs a friend in. Bob needs a friend. A future episode that just shows up that doesn't do anything, just shows up and sits with Bob in the corner.

Tom: Like a Virginia. You could be a Virginia bro. 

Jonathan: Yeah, 

Tom: for sure. Yeah. Like a farmer bro. Woof. You like that? I do. I do. I could see it. I was flabbergasted by the fact that Charlotte and Harry, who live in a classic six on the upper East side are sleeping in what looks like a full-sized bed. 

Jonathan: Yeah. 

Tom: Yeah. Not even a queen.

They're in a full-sized bed. They're, what are they 

Jonathan: doing? They are incredibly wealthy. They are, they are phenomenally wealthy. And I, I don't know why they're sleeping in that, in that bed. Um. [00:23:00] I, I'm a little bit worried that they're gearing us, that they're setting us up for, uh, uh, hairy, uh, some hairy trauma.

I'm worried that he has like prostate cancer or something. Oh, oh man. 

Tom: You're going dark. 

Jonathan: Really? Two weeks ago. Two weeks ago, he peed himself at the club and was like, oopsie, I peed my pants. Oh my God. You're right. And then this week he couldn't get it up. Like I don't know if those are just, if those are just isolated incidents that never come to anything.

What? 

Tom: But no, I think you're right. I see it. Yeah. Right. I see it. Oh, we need a hashtag. Harry has prostate cancer. Oh no. Is Harry gonna die? 

Jonathan: Oh, 

Tom: no. No. They can't 

Jonathan: just kill another husband. No, they can't kill 

Tom: another husband. Oh shit. I didn't even think about that. 

Jonathan: And we've lost Steve altogether. Like that's a bummer.

Yeah, Steve is 

Tom: gone. Steve is gone. I did love when Shu jumped on Charlotte on Miranda. That was my favorite part, although I had two problems with that moment. That was my favorite part of the episode. But my. [00:24:00] My two problems with it is no one, no cat person has the cat tree in their bedroom because we've, no one would do that.

And also we've already seen her kick shoe out of the bedroom to sleep and to have sex. Yeah. So why would you get the cat a cat tree to make the cat's life better and then put it in, put it in the room that they can't go in all the time. Mm-hmm. 

Jonathan: So two options. Either the, the writers are fully engaged here and Carrie is a sociopathic narcissist.

Narcissist. Or they, they did it for the bit and they didn't think through any other moment of the whole show. They were like, it'll be funny. Wouldn't it be funny if the cat just jumped on her from the bedroom? Well, how do we need that? We need to put the tree in there. Yeah. Even though we've absolutely established that that's what the problem like, and the bits, look, look, if, if it's, if it's just a, like if we're just looking for hits, if we're, if it's stats, if we're looking for stats like on base and runs the bits, they are a fire in They they got 'em.

Yeah. They got, they got bits. It's just that they don't actually connect. It's like I. I [00:25:00] said to Jen after this past episode, it, it's like the LaCroix of storytelling. It's like kind of there, right? Like, it's like the parts are there, 

Tom: but 

Jonathan: if he has, listen, if Harry has prostate cancer, I take all this back.

They set me up to have my heart broken. Well done writers. You, you're rivaling George R. Martin now. So like, I will, I will tip my cap. Uh, if he doesn't and these are isolated incidents that just become nothing, then I will only ever call it the LaCroix of storytelling. 

Tom: Alright. Alright. I, I, I think that's enough in just like that for today.

Let's pray. Hashtag pray for Harry. Hashtag Pray for Harry. 

Jonathan: I'm worried about him now. I didn't mean to derail us with such a, a side tone, but I am, I am, I'm worried about his. That's, that's okay. Why don't, 

Tom: why don't you lift us back up with some current events?

What's been, what's been on your mind lately, man? What? 

Jonathan: Let's see, what can cheer things up from some potential [00:26:00] prostate cancer? What about, uh, the new threats of attacks from sleeper cells now that we've, uh, bombed Iran? Terrified terrifi. So that's cool. Right. Um, and I, I think that my biggest fear within this, I mean, who knows where to start?

That's a, that's quite a statement. I don't know that I have a biggest fear, but one of the fears floating around the top of the list is that, um, there's like clear intelligence that there are sleeper cells that could go, that could activate, that we could be, uh, looking at domestic attacks. Mm-hmm. And we have in charge of the counterterrorism, uh, or section of Homeland Security, a 22-year-old dude who's done nothing.

Yeah, nothing. He interned at Heritage. He's been like a, he's a, he's a grocery store clerk. He mows yard. He's 20. 

Tom: He has 

Jonathan: pimples. Yeah. Thank you. He's 20, he's 22. I have the skin of a 22-year-old. All right. I'm keeping it, I'm keeping you. You could be, you too. Could be anti-terrorist. I listen, I, I'm way too overqualified of all the appointees that have gone on in this administration.

[00:27:00] I, I look, whatever, like, somehow we got used to like, uh, racist, alcoholic, sexual predator in charge of the military. We got used to a, a brain worm who doesn't believe in medicine, in charge of medicine. But this to me, we have a professional wrestler, uh, or head of professional wrestling in charge of education.

This guy is like, the, this takes the cake in charge of protecting us from terrorism. Is, I guess the only thing is like, he probably has the cleanest record of anyone in the administration. Yeah. Like that's, that's the plus. Yeah, but look at his face. I don't think he has, I don't think he's long for that.

And I don't mean to like shame on looks, but the one picture that keeps floating around is a face he chose to make where it looks like he's about to argue the definition of date rape. I dunno if we have, I dunno if we have the ability yet to put up the picture. If we do, I'll flash it up right now, but Yeah, yeah.

If we don't, you'll have to look it up. 'cause I, I dunno if we have that tech yet. 

Tom: You know, you know who should be terrorists? Our counter-terrorism is Wyatt. 

Jonathan: Wyatt with no Adderall would be doing at least as good a job as 

Tom: good a job. No, man. I, I hear you. It's scary. And like, [00:28:00] I, you know, when we were prepping the episode, I was like, I don't want to talk about, I ran in this episode.

I'm so. I'm still processing and trying to, as I think a lot of us are, I'm trying to make sense, like what I think about it all and I'm all over the map. Like, uh, we've been hearing my entire adult life that we don't want Iran to have bombs, that that's a bad thing for us. Yeah. So stopping that in any way has to be good.

Right. And I, even though I don't like Trump and I don't like this administration, I am, I'm not gonna just automatically say everything they do is bad. If, if, if they do something good, I'm, I, you know, I'll call balls and strikes. 

Jonathan: Yeah. 

Tom: But, um, I don't love the idea that our Congress is so neutered and Congress is supposed to be the ones that declare law, I'm sorry, declare war.

We haven't done that since 1942. Trump is not the only president who Yeah. Has taken actions like this without congressional approval. So it's hard to be mad at that. Um, I am sort of over Nhu Nhu being a total genocidal maniac and [00:29:00] you know, I just automatically wanna be mad at anything he does, but I don't think.

Iran having nuclear bombs is a good thing for Israel. It's just I'm all over the place. And, um, yeah, I, I'm with you and I'm scared about what this could mean at home 

Jonathan: for us. It's just like so hard to, like how much, I don't know, man, how much of the news can you, how can the human brain engage with right now?

Yeah. Or like, what's my capacity for engaging with the news? 'cause it's like crazy. Like this is like biblical shit. This is like the oldest fight in the history of the world. Also, dude, you know, this is the newest villain in the history of the world. Like, it's, I, I don't, I don't know. It's, you know, this is 

Tom: like, this is my hobby horse.

This is, this is one of the reasons I wanted to do the podcast. Like, I have been so engaged with events in this world since, uh, the 2016 election. Yeah. Um, and I have, as I get older, I'm in my mid forties now. Um, I have. Been perplexed recently, especially since the last election with how many [00:30:00] people in my life are, um, sort of disengaging from politics and current events.

People I care about, people I love deeply. People with children, people with children. I love deeply family with children. I love deeply. And it seems to be, but also like, um. Rich gay friends who travel the world and go to parties and fuck people every weekend who just are totally disengaged from politics.

'cause it makes them feel bad. And like I I, it makes, it makes me feel really bad too. It's, it's hard, it's hard to process it all. And, um, recently I had a conversation with a family member who brought up the very valid point that human beings are not maybe meant to take in this much news. Yeah. And up until, up until very recently, we weren't, we didn't have access to this much news.

So it seems pretty 

Jonathan: inarguable like we're the, the technology is moving faster than our brain scans for, so we're a lot more than we're prepared to get. Yeah, 

Tom: for sure. But then you have, like the stats come out about the last election and you [00:31:00] have stats where overwhelmingly people who are engaged with the news.

Voted for Harris and people who don't pay attention for the news to the news overwhelmingly voted for Trump. Yeah. And so I like, we are not gonna get on the right track as a country if people don't pay attention. Yeah. And what perplexes me, and maybe you can help me understand, as someone with kids, like as someone with kids, you are putting so much time and energy and love into raising them.

And I'm assuming you are hoping for them to have a future and a bright future and a happy future. And so how can you, as a parent. Totally divorce yourself from the news while you're spending day after day raising your child. Like for slaughter? Yeah. What are you raising your kid for? Like, it baffles me.

Jonathan: Yeah. I mean, I will say, I guess I will say like in, in, uh, maybe defense or whatever, just as a, as a, from the parent side of it, like, 'cause I can't speak to the mindset of your gay friends running around the country and having hot sex and not paying attention. I don't know about that, but I do [00:32:00] know as a parent, like I, I can show you 

Tom: though.

Jonathan: I'm sure you have. Do we wanna talk now about how we had to redo one of our pilot episode, one of our test episodes? Because there was too much porn on your phone. We could, I'm sure you could show me. Um, as a parent and not a jet setting homosexual, I, I do think that like, finding extra bandwidth and I look, I think that this is like one of those age old kind of, uh, uh, uh, misunderstandings or just, just disconnects between people with kids and people without kids.

And it's just like. Not better or worse, not harder or, or easier, just It is, it is different for me personally. And I think it happens for parents. Like there's so much chaos in the, in the here and now. Yeah. My bandwidth is like, is at its end. And so I have a hard time like, 'cause you're totally right man.

Like we are raising kids to be in this world and right now the world looks like it's gonna be. Fucking garbage for them. Like, I'm not, luckily my kids are very young, [00:33:00] but who knows, man. Like, I mean, are we gonna get, are we gonna get, is there a draft coming? We're in New York. Well, both of us are in the boroughs of New York City.

Like I said to my wife yesterday, let's not go into Manhattan anytime soon. Like I, it's, it's crazy to have kids right now. And at the same time, like, I don't even know what to, when I, when we finish this podcast tonight, I'm gonna go upstairs and Jen and I are gonna sit down and we're gonna talk through tomorrow, basically hour by hour.

And that is our nightly routine because I can see 12 hours ahead and it's all I've got the bandwidth for, you know? 

Tom: Wow. 

Jonathan: So there's some part of it that's like, it's hard. It's hard to even find time to, to, and you're not wrong. You're not wrong. People should be more engaged, even I, that, that's that.

Frankly, I know that you're so engaged. That's another reason I wanna be here doing this, is because I learn from you every week. I can come spout off a couple things and like talk about what I'm mad about that I saw, but like I just. I don't know, man. I don't wanna say like, I can't, maybe there's, maybe there's room to find more bandwidth and to work harder at being a citizen.

It should, there is just like a point of like, 

Tom: yeah, 

Jonathan: I don't know man. Like, I 

Tom: wanna make a little plug [00:34:00] for pe for, for adults out there that are struggling. 'cause it hurts inside too much to follow the news. Like, oh, you can hear me judging you in my voice, I'm judging you a little. Like not. You like the grand adults out there, like, I'm judging people a little bit.

There is an NPR puts out, uh, up first is a daily podcast in the morning, NPR every morning. It's about 15 minutes long and it's like five topics from the news. And it's unbiased coverage. And then at the end of the day, NPR puts out the NPR Politics podcast again, 15, 20 minutes. If you listen to just those two podcasts every day, one at the beginning of the day, one at the end of the day, while you're taking a fucking shit, you will know what is going on in the world and you will be, know what you need to think about for the sake of your kids that you're raising.

So hopefully you're not raising them for slaughter. And that is my plea to my friends and my family out there that have decided that they don't need to. Pay attention to the world. 

Jonathan: That's a great point. And that's a great plug to put in there. Uh, also let's, let's kiss NPR R'S ass as much as we can. 'cause let's, let's just [00:35:00] end up, let's, let's, let's end up over there.

That'd be lovely. I don't think they're gonna put no homo on you. I don't know why they n why aren't they using, why aren't they? You should be this, you should be writing CAM ad campaigns for N-P-R-N-P-R. Listen to us while you take a fucking shit. Like that's that's exactly right. That's, uh, and no, I mean that's, that's the other thing too.

And so it's hard to like stand on this. I don't have the bandwidth platform for too long because Yeah. There's there's ways to get it. There's ways to get information. Yeah. And it is important. And it's like, I think that a big part of, I, I think one of the reasons we've ended up here is because. I don't know exactly who they are and how specific the they gets, but I feel like engagement with the political system has been discouraged for the average person.

Like, like the powers that be like it better when people aren't paying attention. Yeah. And so it's kind of like, 

Tom: yeah, 

Jonathan: we, you know, like our, our parent, like we're the first generation that wants to talk about pol. It used to be don't talk about politics, don't talk about religion. And now we've ended up in a place that fucked both of 'em.

Did. It 

Tom: did. It did. Used to be that, but it used to also be that everybody watched the [00:36:00] news every night and everybody watched the same news. That is the big thing that's changed. And I don't mean to point my finger, but I, I do think like, point your finger, man. Here's the thing. Like we're, we're, we're in our forties, we're in our mid forties.

We're right in the middle. Like I'm in my younger 

Jonathan: mid forties. But sure, 

Tom: we, we, there is no one else that's gonna fix this. It's our turn to fix this shit. 

Jonathan: Yeah. Uh, yeah. Are you. Did you come unplugged? Are you okay? What? Oh, just headphones. Okay. I can hold. I lost my, I can't hear you. Okay. Yeah, just, I'm just gonna riff you as long as it's still, um, uh, technical.

That's 

Tom: difficulties. 

Jonathan: We are gonna, um, yeah, I should have, I should have been able to riff through this, but 36, the end of 36 minutes, let's make a note and we'll cut. Um, oh, yeah, I can hear you. Hear you. No, get it plugged back in. Plug back in. All right. I'm gonna cut this minute out, out.

I'm gonna say

36. Are we back in? Can you hear me? 

Tom: Um, yeah, it's not, I think we're [00:37:00] gonna have to restart the whole thing. The whole thing? Uh, no, this will save, but we'll have to do a second. A part two. 

Jonathan: Oh, okay. Gotcha. Because 

Tom: it's not letting me reconnect to audio. 

Jonathan: Okay. 

Tom: Let me, lemme try one thing. 

Jonathan: Okay.

Tom: Yeah, I'm, I'm not hearing you on the audio anymore. 

Jonathan: Okay. Oh, do you want me to talk? No, it's not going. Oh, there we go. There we go. Okay. I hear you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. Um, 36, 30 to 37 to 38. Um, or we leave this in and we just, we test our audience right away. We just see if you can stick with us for a minute and a half of technical difficulties.

Yeah. 

Tom: Leave, leave a little. I got so animated. I knocked my earphones out basically is 

Jonathan: what happened. 

Tom: What were we even talking 

Jonathan: about? Oh, what were, uh, where were we? Shit. Um, Harry has prostate 

Tom: cancer.

Jonathan: Um, uh, people watch the news every night. We're not doing that anymore. Um, I don't know, man. Um, I don't know. Break, [00:38:00] 

Tom: do you know? It's this weekend. 

Jonathan: Should we move on? Well, I do know what's this weekend? I do know what's this weekend? Pride. But you tell us. Pride. Pride, 

Tom: man, I'm so excited. Pride. It's, it's New York.

It's Pride Month, obviously each June. Yeah. This weekend is Pride Weekend. Um, yeah, it's a, it's a really fun, exciting weekend for me. Um, and, and, and for you, you usually, you've been joining my partner Nick Quant, and I, I look 

Jonathan: forward to this. I look forward to this weekend every, for years now. I look forward to this.

I love partying with you guys on Pride Weekend, and I mean, before we talk at all about me as a tourist on Pride Weekend, I, I, I think it's worth the, I would love to hear your thoughts on like, what does pride mean to you? What is the point of pride? What is, why do you have to flaunt it? You know? No, like, there's so much bullshit that, that gets said about Pride, but why do, why is pride important to you?

And it is, so why is it important to you? 

Tom: Yeah. You know, it wasn't always, um, it's recently like the last seven years of my life where I've really, it's, it's meant more to me. I think that came from, um. I was so ashamed of being gay for so long, you know, [00:39:00] and took me, I didn't come out till college and then I didn't come out till to family until right after college.

Um, and so it was like a process. And then even once I came out, I kind of like compartmentalized sex. And sex was something I did with, um, random people that I met on, like, you know, a OL or the apps or at a bar. Um, and you know, maybe 'cause you're in 

Jonathan: your mid forties and that's how you had to do things right now.

Yeah, that's right. That's right. Thank you. Thank you. 

Tom: Um, and you know, I maybe went to the Pride parade a couple times, but I never really like went to Pride parties. I wasn't, it, it, it wasn't something that like I was drawn to. And in the last couple years I've really like, sort of. F cha, uh, like have gone 180 in the other direction.

And I love the Community of Pride Weekend. I love the Pride parties. I, you know, I, I love a good party, as you know, in general. Sure. Um, and I love a good gay party. I love a good gay party with good music. Sure. Um, and I love. To pride. It's just like, it's, it's like a community being in New York, being out, [00:40:00] um, it's really a small community at the end of the day.

And, and now every year I go to the Pride Party and it's just like seeing friends and connecting with people and uh, you know, having my hot straight friend with me and I, I get to be your press agent. Everybody's like, the the amount of questions I have to answer, like, is he really 

Jonathan: straight? Well, yeah.

'cause nobody believes that. Nobody, 'cause I just end up, no one believe that shirtless in with everyone just dancing, just sweating and dancing throughout the night. Of course nobody believes it. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, well, I don't wanna jump, I No, go go would be okay because what a, what a straight white guy thing to do to jump in and take over this conversation before you're ready to be done.

Um, I've been silenced. I have, I have been silenced. That's great. That was great. But now what I think about pride, um, no, I'm so, uh, honestly, and not even to like blow smoke. I'm so honored and I, I, I really am not kidding. I look forward to it every year, getting to hang out with you guys. It is so much fun.

The, the energy is so, I don't know, [00:41:00] it's like addictive. It's so magnetic. It's such a fun energy to be around. And I think that for like so much of my life, and I'm not, I'm not gonna shit on like straight culture. So much of my life was sitting in a bar like getting drunk and plenty of fun, lots of fun, lots of fun to be had with the right friends.

And sometimes it's just sitting and looking at a TV and watching sports and drinking a lot of beer. Um, and it's just like, there, there's fun to be had there. But then when you get to these, like these, especially like pride parties, when there's so much energy going on, it's like active. It is moving the whole time and it's.

Fucking sexy. Like I, you know, this the idea of like sexual preference and whatever. I think it, like, really this, I think this specific thing is what, like, for me, kind of like brings home the title that we've always wanted to use for this, which is like, it, I, I'm not gay and I don't need to convince anyone that I'm not gay, except for sometimes I have to make sure guys at these parties understand that I'm not gay, but like, whatever they, they treat me the way that I used to treat women who said, tell me that they're not that kind of girl.

Like, I mean, you, you kind of already have been [00:42:00] before, like, you know, but, but they, these guys are like, yeah, right, you're straight now I just say I'm in a monogamous relationship. And they're like, okay, cool. Got it. Like, they respect that because if I'm like, I'm married, they're like, me too. Do you wanna hook up with my husband too?

Like, so I have to be like, I'm in a, I'm in a monogamous relationship. Um, but it's so much fun. The energy is so like the, I remember talking to, uh, qua, your fiance at one point, uh, one of these parties, one of the first years I had gone with you guys. Um, I. And I was saying just this, the energy is so, the energy is so great and it's so different because in like a, especially in a crowded club, in a sh that's like mostly a straight cloud, mostly a straight crowd.

Uh, like there's a, a, a feeling of danger. There's a, there's a potential fight, there's a fear in the air. There's kind of that other side of it e exists in the air and I just don't get that sense. It can be a packed out party. Like I can worry sometimes at a pride party or at any of these parties. Um, I can, I can worry logistically.

Hi. [00:43:00] Well, let's take a moment. Let's take a moment and introduce our newest. So, I, I didn't mean to interrupt. No, it's okay. It's okay. You, you, you played the cat card. It's like, that's, that's like the cunch, that's the, the lord that flies you speak. 

Tom: She, she came over to say hi. So I thought I'd take the moment.

This is chips. This is chips. Everybody. Hey, chips. 

Jonathan: Chips and whose sister is fish? Fish and chips. That's right. Because you cats bro. Your gain, 

Tom: your gain went up a little bit. It went up. Yeah. I'm. You're coming in too hot. Super hot. Super hot. What am I, I mean, this is the best you ever look like. Super hot, but something happened.

Thanks. I don't know what I don't. That's better. That's better. 

Jonathan: Okay, great. 

Tom: Yeah. I'm just throwing out my podcast skills. Yeah. So people can see. Yeah. 

Jonathan: It's, I, I, when I said earlier that it's not a skill of yours, I was wrong. You've, you've really honed it. Over the last six months, you've honed this podcast skill.

You are locked in and I really love it. 

Tom: I'm sorry though, I interrupted you telling us about how you're not gay. 

Jonathan: Right. Uh, I was saying to Nick, Juan at one of these parties that how much better the energy feels at [00:44:00] a big gay party than it does at a big straight party. Because like, there's a, there's a sense of danger, there's a sense of fear that, that that, like toxicity is exists.

And I don't know if everyone feels it, and maybe it's 'cause I am tuned into that like frequency, uh, like I feel it when I'm at a, when I'm at a crowded event that's mostly straight people. I have that same feeling. Um, and I don't feel that at gay parties. And Quan was like, yeah, because that's still there.

Like you can still like bump someone too many times and like you can still have a problem with someone. But when you add the layer of. Or maybe we'll just fuck. It really changes the whole vibe. It does. It does. Which is great. I think it's so much fun. And I, it's also, I think it's, I might as well come outta the gate this first episode and say like, it's how I know that I'm straight.

Because so much of this country is so worried about being like, near a gay person or like having their kids near a gay person. 'cause they're gonna like catch it. Well that tells me, bro, like if you're so worried about meeting one gay person, 'cause you might end up with a dick in your mouth like you're probably gay.

Yeah. Like you should, you should think about that and sit [00:45:00] with that and exist with that. I get hit on by hot dudes a lot and very convincing dudes. You, yourself have made numerous very good arguments for why, who, who? Me? For years, for 17 years, I've been trying 17 years. You have the best. Arguments. I mean, they are inarguable arguments and the answer is just like, I don't want, that's not what I am into.

I just, you better get 

Tom: we, 'cause I got a bunch coming this weekend. I've 

Jonathan: would be, I've been saving them up. I, I fear the day that I don't get it. I would be, I'm gonna be so sad. I'm gonna know. Well, you, there's, there's like a little, 

Tom: there's a little part of me that thinks this might be the weekend. You know, I, I have to, it's the only way to wake up in the morning.

Like, that's how I go in every time. Like, like this might be it. Like the, I like that fourth pride together. This might be, this might be the moment. I like that. Is it four? 

Jonathan: Is that right? 

Tom: Okay. Yeah. 20, 21. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, because it came out. 

Jonathan: We came out of, came outta COVID. And That's right. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. And it's been no looking. I mean, I, my, my, my wife has taken the kids away for the [00:46:00] weekend. She's like, whatever, I'll go to my parents' house. You don't, don't bother us. We won't bother you. Remember? Remember when, uh, I mean, it's not the, the, the opening of this, the setup is not funny. But, uh, monkeypox and frankly, shout out to the gay community for being like, oh, we have a disease.

That could be a problem. Let's fucking get this under wrap. Exactly. And figure it out. Thank you. Exactly. Like that's a community who's dealt with this before and understands what the fuck to do. Not like the bunch of idiot straits that had whatever. Anyway. Yeah. Straights take a lesson from the gay community on how to handle, uh, a pandemic.

Tom: Yeah. 

Jonathan: But during, it was during the summer, the, the monkey box is harner at like. I remember everyone being like, well, do we, do we party? What do we do? We go, do we just go get the shots? And I, it was like, I'm gonna be the one, I'm gonna be the straight, I'm gonna have my kids there. I'm gonna go home from this party, realize that we have all been exposed.

I'm gonna have to take my wife and kids to get in line. Oh my 

Tom: God. The comments, the comments that are gonna come from this, all these women, blonde women with crosses. I do, you know what [00:47:00] I, blonde women who wear gold crosses on top of their clothes have become the scariest image to me. Yeah. That, that used to be when I was growing up, you know, I grew up Catholic.

That was a, that was a wholesome, happy image that's turned into something horrific. Yeah. It's really crazy how symbols can turn. 

Jonathan: Yeah. 

Tom: Yeah, man. 

Jonathan: Um, yeah, I don't, I, 

Tom: I really, I really killed the bride, the pride bubble with that, I'm sorry. I wanna go 

Jonathan: back to thinking about shirtless dudes and not blonde women okay's.

Okay. That's a true statement. That's a true statement.

Oh, yeah. I don't know, man. 

Tom: You know, it's that, it's the, it's the press. What's her name? Uh, the, the press woman for the White House right now. 

Jonathan: Yeah. She relates to me tipping me over with it. I don't even remember. Britney A Nightmare or whatever. Yeah, something like 

Tom: that. 

Jonathan: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, like, you know, like that's not, it's not just brown women.

I watched Sarah Huckabee Sanders on TV today, just still so far up Trump's ass. And she's anette for, you know, she's a An alto. An alto, [00:48:00] yeah. Yeah. It's not just 

Tom: blonde women. And it's not all blonde women, obviously not all blonde 

Jonathan: women, 

Tom: and there are, I'm sure very, very lovely women who wear crosses on, on top of their clothes.

It's just become such a symbol of hate. It's so crazy to me. 

Jonathan: Yeah. But it's like, it's like a, I think that this is great because you take it as like a, um, a, a, a, it's like an, it's like taking ownership of like a pull your pants up kind of vibe, right? Like, well, if you, if you're gonna look like that, I'm, then I'm gonna be scared of you.

Well, if you're gonna have blonde hair and wear your cross on the outside of your shirt, I'm gonna be scared of you. You like. You have, you have belief that someone might carjack you or pick your pocket. I have beliefs that you're gonna vote for killing all of us. Yeah, you Exactly. 

Tom: Exactly. Exactly. 

Jonathan: Oh, oh man.

Here's my question though. Yeah. This is what I was gonna ask and I had to check back out on the outline here. I need to know going into this weekend, what, um, what, what's the gay scene like right now and what kind of, it's been a year I'm different than I was a year ago. What kind of gay [00:49:00] should I think of myself?

Like what's my, what's my brand going in and what's gonna be happening at this party? You, 

Tom: um, 

Jonathan: in whatever order you want to answer any of that? 

Tom: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Your brand. Um, I mean, I've seen you in so many, so many looks, so many, so many looks over time, so I really won't know until your shirt comes off.

Jonathan: Okay. 

Tom: Um, so I'll, I'll have to weigh in on that on Saturday. Unless you wanna give us a preview. It's a definite, that's a no no pressure. 

Jonathan: I feel like I gotta get that. Like, we can't lose it all. We, I'm, I'm more than happy to roll that. Not on, not on the first episode. Don't think, I don't think outta the gate we, 

Tom: listen.

Listen, you have, you have a bear vibe. You have like muscle bear vibe, you definitely have daddy vibe. Like, you definitely bring all that to the table. 

Jonathan: Like a Is it like a, like a dad? Like a, like a top, like a bear top, right? Like a or a dad top or a like a, I don't know. I feel like I'd be a top not, that's not like a, I don't want things on my butt.

That's not the thing at all. I just feel like I'd be a top. Yeah. 

Tom: I mean maybe. I kind of think you'd be a power bottom to be honest. 

Jonathan: Um, I dunno what that is. What is a power bottom? 

Tom: Yeah, A power bottom. Yeah. [00:50:00] It's, um, it, it's a, it's a term in the gay lexicon. Sure. Um, it, it, it's, it's like sort of like a top who, I'm sorry, a bottom who's in charge?

Um, you know, the, the receiving, the receiving end of the, of the partnership physically. But you're, you're sort of in the act. Being the aggressor, pointing out, you know, calling out the, the moves. Okay. Maybe getting on top. Um, it also can sometimes have a connotation that a power bottom is someone who can like, sort of really take it, sort of take it really hard.

Okay. I definitely think that you fit that bill. I just have a feeling. Yeah. I have a feeling you could fucking take it, man. 

Jonathan: Yeah. I mean, sure. I feel like in whatever context we need to Yeah. I, I'm pretty tough. Yeah. Yeah. You 

Tom: always like to be challenged and like, like to prove, like I think you, I think, I think you'd have something to prove and I think that's why you'd be a really good power bottom.

That's 

Jonathan: it. And that's, and that's why that's Tom's Ted talk for why. Yeah. That should be a power bottom. That's it. Great. Now I'll go into this one and you, you can 

Tom: be with your wife too. It's not sure. It doesn't have to just be anything. 

Jonathan: Yeah, for sure. Um, [00:51:00] yeah, that's, I mean, I. I'm not saying anything one way or the other, but I did wanna make it clear that me thinking of myself as a top is not me thinking I don't want anything up my butt.

It's just I feel like I have top energy, but power bottom sounds like that. Uh, kind of, there's some similar energy, there's some crossover in that, in that energy. 

Tom: It does. You know, it made me think I just saw something on Instagram, so I, I can't believe I'm even gonna say this out loud. This is not, this is not real news.

Maybe it is, maybe it's not. I have no idea, but, oh, 

Jonathan: no, we can, what are you doing? We, we, we tried so hard to get credibility in the middle of this. 

Tom: I'm calling it out. I'm not credible on this. Great, great. But there was a post I read that said there was a country, I wanna say it was. Turkey, but I'm not sure about that.

I'm not sure about any of it, but something, something about how this particular country allows gays in the military, but only if they're tops, which was amazing. Yeah. Wow. So I don't know if any of that's true or what country it is, and I'm just gonna leave that for our audience to find out. Yeah. 

Jonathan: We, we don't have lawyers yet, but [00:52:00] eventually we might need lawyers.

We need to do one of those things where we just say these, the opinions on this show are not anything but two dummies talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I don't think that's the legal jargon, but we might need to throw something in there that says, but there might be a country out there that lets you be in the military and gay as long as you're a top.

Tom: So unfortunately you wouldn't be able to fight for them. 

Jonathan: I'm sorry to tell you. Oh, man. That's, that's what keeps me outta the military is being the power bottom 

Tom: That's it. All 

Jonathan: right. That's it. Alright, now, now 

Tom: it's time for our closing segment. 

Jonathan: Okay. 

Tom: Who would you fight? Who would you fight? Pow. 

Jonathan: Pow. Yes.

It made it. You, you reading the log line? You with me and you? No, I didn't. You gotta get one. That was your jingle that you crafted. And you, of all the things that we've workshopped that has not changed, it has stayed pure. It has stayed the same. And I'm so happy it made it. Thank you to you. The first episode.

Thank you. From now on, we'll do it as a duet, but I have a, I have a kn knack for 

Tom: melody. What [00:53:00] can I say? It's 

Jonathan: true, it's true. You got your, your ads and your jingles, man. You got it. Like, can you, before we get into, who would you fight, can you do a jingle for NPR? Listen to us while you take a fucking shit 

Tom: on the spot.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is that too much? And PR listen to us while you, shit.

Was that, 

Jonathan: was that 

Tom: okay? 

Jonathan: No notes. That was it.

Tom: Okay. Okay. Who would 

Jonathan: you fight? Who would you fight? Who would you fight? Who would you fight? This? I, I feel like we, whatever, like this, as a little bit of a background, this segment came up when we were going through, we did, we did some versions of the podcast in our workshopping that, um, we felt like, and our, anyone who listened to it, uh, our test audience was like, you guys sound really angry.

There's some, there's some anger, obviously. Yeah. Yeah. I think at this point people probably picked up [00:54:00] on that, but like, so we decided, all right, the whole thing's not gonna be, we don't want to come away from this feeling bad after an episode. We wanna feel good so we can vent about things. We can be angry at others, we can, whatever we can, but, but we, it's still enough anger and it's still okay to be angry.

Yeah. And we are gonna take time every week for just a moment to talk about a person or persons that we would fight. 

Tom: Yes. You wanna go first or you want me to go first? 

Jonathan: Uh, I'll, I'll go first if that's okay. Okay. May I have the floor and may I have the cat? Um, all right. Uh, what if I, what if I had a cat?

What if I brought a cat out right now? Um, okay. I would fight anyone who leaves a voicemail and starts it with, Hey, it's me. It, I, if they know your voice, you don't have to waste time saying it's me either Say your name or just start the message. You're wasting that introduction time by saying, Hey, it's me.

It's vain. It's so narcissistic to take time to say more words, just to remind someone they know [00:55:00] the sound of your voice. I think it's rude and a time waste even for three seconds. I think it's a time waste, and I wanna fight everyone who says, Hey, it's me. Yeah, that's, did, did someone recently do this to you 

Tom: that caused this to bubble 

Jonathan: up?

No. Maybe, actually no, I don't know. I don't remember. I got, I gotta go figure out what tomorrow looks like for the next 12 hours. I have no idea what's happened before in my life. Yes. Clearly at some point, at some point in my past, people said that, actually, I'm pretty sure that I do it sometimes. And I was like, why the fuck did I just do that?

Tom: Like, why would I say, Hey, it's me, dude. I'm the one who still, um, I say my phone number and then I, um, I do it again that I do like a twice phone number, but it's like on the person's phone. Like, I don't know why I still do 

Jonathan: that. Yeah. That's, that's, and I'm, I'm not really doing it once. I'm doing it twice.

If, you know, I guess if you know for a fact it's a cell phone that you're calling, but like in the, you know, in the business world, we both have jobs. Sometimes, I dunno if I'm calling a desk, I might, you know, I might be like, yeah, you gotta say your name and your phone number. Do you gotta say it twice?

That's the thing that you do. Yeah. Yeah. Do you say, when you say a phone number, the last four digits of a phone number, do you [00:56:00] say is individual numbers? Or would you say like 2259? Or did you say? 2, 2, 5, 9. In, 

Tom: in individual? Individual. Yeah. 'cause that's the 

Jonathan: right way to do it. Yeah. My gen is double. So save that for another fight.

Fight those people speak. Yeah, you're right. I'm, I'm just, I'm mad at everyone on phones. You're mad. You're mad. Anyone? 

Tom: My 

Jonathan: my phone etiquette's really coming out right now. Alright. Mine's connected to 

Tom: phones too. Ooh, okay. Let's see it. Yeah. Yeah, I am. I wanna fight, um, people on, on like Instagram or I guess maybe they do this on TikTok too.

I don't know about TikTok. Um, like, um, yeah. Uh, have you ever seen, like, people, like they do, like they play music and they're standing there, they're usually like in their underwear and then they maybe like, hold up a pair of socks and then they, and then it cuts, it cuts and the socks are on. Yeah. And then it cuts and they're holding up shorts and it's like, yeah, 

Jonathan: yeah, for sure.

And then, 

Tom: and then maybe they like, have two pairs of shoes and they like throw 'em up and they jump and then they're in For sure. What is this? What is this? Where did it come from? 

Jonathan: People, it's people hawking their wares. Man, it's it, I mean, you're, you're not wrong. It's, it's [00:57:00] obnoxious. I've definitely got a few of those out there in my time.

And you're right, it's obnoxious. I knew it. I had a feeling maybe you had some, I used to have some clothing sponsors that, you know, that would pay me for those kinds of things. And I don't really have those anymore. Listen, listen, 

Tom: I ha I have to come clean. I, you know, I follow a lot of, a lot of hot dudes on Instagram and, and there's many that I follow that do this.

There's one guy that like, sort of exclusively does this and I, I'm the one that keeps following him and, and the algorithm keeps giving them to me. And so I'm like, I'm watching them and I watch them all the way through. But what am I watching? Why? And why? Like, I guess maybe it was cute the first time.

Like, alright, here's my, here's my, I mean, that should Instagram, that 

Jonathan: should be meta's speaking of jingles into ads. Like you're just, you're, you're not gonna outta the park tonight. It should be meta. It used to be cute at one point. Yeah. Like that's the, that's the, that's the, that's, that's meta 

Tom: My conjecture is that whenever they first developed, like, so, uh, software or apps where you could edit your little videos on your phone and that was like the big game changer for all you content people.

Like someone, someone brilliant somewhere it [00:58:00] came up with the idea to do this and it spread like wild. Yes. Like my, my problem is not with the first person that did it. My problem is with the grown adult in their fifties. Yes. Who's doing it once a week? 

Jonathan: Yes. 

Tom: 10 years later, what is 

Jonathan: going on? Well, you can also have a problem then with the consumer that is still letting that work Exactly.

Work. 

Tom: Exactly. It is, it is the, you know what, that guy has way more followers than I do. Not that that's what it's about. Not that that's what it's about for, but I do, I do have to, you know. Bow down to they're giving the people what they want. It's obviously working. Yeah. And I mean, you 

Jonathan: can, yeah. I think that you're exactly right.

I think that it was like people, okay, clothing lines want to, uh, they want people to show up their clothes, they wanna do those kind of things. It takes way too much time to put on a whole outfit. And I think that you are living, walking, breathing, proof that people are not gonna stick around for long videos.

I, as someone who might talk for five minutes on Instagram, don't get you to watch a single one of my videos that do that. That's true. True. So you swipe right past while you're taking a pocket shit. Um, swipe right past my videos. [00:59:00] If they're too long and I think, wait, 

Tom: you, you made it sound like it was in Brigadoon or something.

You think mine was more poppy? 

Jonathan: I know. Well, yeah, that's why I don't do the 

Tom: jingles. Your yours was learner and low. 

Jonathan: No, no, I don't. Look man, we so much for gassing each other up, man. You could have just let it slide. I wasn't trying to be the jingle guy. You're the jingle guy. Alright. I, I think on that note, I think we've made people listen long 

Tom: enough.

This is a good first episode. We did 

Jonathan: it, man. I'm proud of us. We did it. I'm proud of us too. Thank you. Anyone, anyone who paid attention for this long. Um, should we do the official readout? I think once, I think for the first episode at least for sure, we should do the official readout the official way. If it gets recorded and just played from now on, that can be fine.

But I think we need one and I think you should do it. All right. Here we go. 

Tom: Okay. Thank you for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to like and subscribe to No Homo with Jonathan and Tom on all podcast platforms and YouTube. Special thanks to Matt Ladner, Jen Dornbach, Stina Hamlin, and Quan Williams.[01:00:00] 

Jonathan: You nailed it. That was perfect. See you next week, bro. And cut. All right, man. I love you. Love you too.