Creating the Rules with Ania Ray: Why Women Writers Thrive in Community

In this episode of Traditionally Self-Published, we discuss Creating the Rules, a women's fiction novel by Ania Ray, and explore why women writers thrive when they choose community over isolation.

Ania shares the inspiration behind the book, her journey as an indie author, and how building intentional writing spaces changes the creative process.

We Discuss:

• • Her latest release, Creating the Rules, the 3rd and final book in the Cromwell Rules series
  • Her process for writing the craft
  • The Quill and Cup Writing group and the importance of community in this industry
  • We conclude with the INK STARTER LIGHTNING ROUND and Ania’s 5 Best Tips for Authors!

About Ania: 

Ania Ray is a mama, author, and CEO of Quill & Cup, a fiercely supportive community of women who are committed to prioritizing progress on their novel and making rest a non-negotiable. When she’s not curating curriculum, hosting events, or teaching research-backed mindset tools to empower women, she’s hanging out with her family. To fill her cup, catch her hiking, planning her next trip, or enjoying a delicious meal with loved ones.

The Cromwell Rules is her debut women’s fiction trilogy, where each woman must face the worst of herself before she becomes the hero of her story. 

Where to find Ania Ray: 

Instagram: @theaniassey

Books: https://www.thecromwellrules.com 

Writing group, Quill & Cup: www.quillandcup.com 

Ania's podcast : Her Life, Her Rules

Have a publishing question? Email me at mica@micamerrillrice.com 

Subscribe to The Night Writer Newsletter

Website: micamerrillrice.com 

Instagram: @micamriceauthor

Facebook: @micamriceauthor

TikTok: @micamriceauthor

"Traditionally Self-Published" theme music is written by Landon Bailey and performed and produced by LNDÖ

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:06

What's up, thought twisters, and a warm welcome to my page turners, the intrigued readers and listeners who are just stepping into the story. Whatever title you fancy today, I am so happy you're here with me. You're listening to Traditionally Self-Published, where we unravel the chaos of self-publishing and help you write your own success story like a pro. I'm your host, Mika Merrill Rice, author with a passion for learning and sharing the love. I'm bringing you real talk with publishing pros and authors just like me who flipped the script and built thriving author careers on their own terms and are doing it like a pro. Whether you're a first-time author or you're a seasoned pro, you're right where you need to be. So let's be bold, write smart, and learn how to keep readers turning the pages. Happy New Year and welcome to season two of the traditionally self-published podcast. Every year I choose a theme word that helps guide what I will do. In 2025, that word was intentional, but this year the word is community. Community is so important in the writing journey and in the reading space, and each episode this year will be centered around that in some way. Today's guest is not only a women's fiction author, but she's also a community leader and CEO of the writing group Quill and Cup. If you're kicking off this year with a writing goal and wondering about where to start, then this episode is for you. I'm joined today by Anya Ray, CEO and co-founder of the online writing group Quill and Cup, and the author of the Cromwell Rule Series. Today we're talking about her latest release, Creating the Rules, the third and final book in the Cromwell Rule Series, her process for writing the craft, the Quill and Cup writing group, and the importance of community in this industry. And then we're going to conclude with my Ink Starter Lightning Round and Anya's five best tips for authors. Alright, welcome in, Anya. I am so happy to have you here today.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

Oh, I'm just so honored. Thank you. I've been watching you crushing it on Substack and traditionally self-published is such a boss name. I was telling my husband about it earlier. I'm like, is this not the best? So thank you for having me on this.

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Oh my gosh. I'm so glad that the title resonated with you because coming up with three words versus 80,000 words is like torturous. It's so hard to do something like that.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

I'm like, what do I call myself?

SPEAKER_00 2:39

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 2:39

I love it. It was a great, great final call. Very good.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Awesome. Well, today we're gonna talk first a little bit about the book. Um, and then we're gonna talk about how I found you and the Quill and Cup. But first, I want to talk about creating the rules. So, creating the rules is a women's fiction. It is um fabulous book, so much emotion. I think I ended up in tears in just a couple of parts. We'll talk about that.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

Yes, yes, that was the goal. I hope you laugh too. That was also the goal.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

Yes, of course. Got all the emotions. Um, great book. But why don't you tell us? Give us your elevator pitch for creating the rules.

SPEAKER_02 3:21

Oh, sure. Thank you for asking. So, creating the rules is about a woman who built her life on control. That was her coping mechanism. And it it's about what happens when that control finally fails her. So when Anne Cromwell's carefully curated New York life collapses, she's forced back to the southern town that she abandoned 30 years ago, where love and grief and these long-buried lies, frankly, uh, all collide. And so at its heart, the book asks after a lifetime of essentially pretending and putting on a show, uh, what does it take to tell the truth uh to yourself and especially to your child who is now an adult and deserves to know the truth. So that's creating the rules.

SPEAKER_00 4:12

Very good. And this is the third in the series. Um but I picked it up as a standalone, and I felt like it did very well as a standalone. But once you get to know Anne in this story and you get to know Lily in this story, you are going to want to go back. So that's me at this point. It's like I've hit this story. I I really enjoyed it, but now I need to go back and learn a little bit more about how we even got here in the first place.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

I really appreciate that. Yeah, Anne Cromwell is a trip. She uh she was definitely not going to get her third book, and here we are. So yeah, the fact that you were able to pick it up as a standalone, that means I'm not lying to my readers when I say you can read it. You can read all three books separately. Uh, but if you start with the first one, you'll get the delight of Lily's character arc. That's the benefit. But otherwise, uh, you can totally enjoy them for their own things.

SPEAKER_00 5:12

Yeah, for sure. What inspired this story and Anne Cromwell?

SPEAKER_02 5:17

Oh, I don't know that I've actually talked very much about this. So bonus content. Here you go. Um, Anne Cromwell was my way of working through a personal life experience. Uh, not with my mother, actually. Um, though there are definitely moments where I'm like, ah, mom, you're being Anne Cromwell right now. But there uh there was a time, a chapter in my life where a woman who once meant a great deal to me. Uh, I looked up to her. We had a great relationship. Uh, she became very vindictive and angry and toxic for herself and everyone else, and her daughter. Um, and I know her daughter intimately. And so I think this was my way of processing this character. And I definitely made her an antagonist in the first book because she was an antagonist in my life, right? Um, however, ultimately this particular novel wouldn't exist if it weren't for reader. Shout out to Rebecca, uh, who left a review for the Cromwell Rules, the first book, saying that she wished there was a prequel or something that told what the what created the rules in the first place. And so uh it's actually thanks to Rebecca who uh planted that seed of an idea in my mind.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

Yeah, and I'm glad that she did. Um, you know, because you really get like a good sense of Anne in this book, just her personality, those traits that you spoke about, you know, just kind of being that controlling. Um, but then also a little bit internally funny at times. Like you said, um, I think I about spit my tea out when I'm like reading, and all of a sudden she's like, you know, nothing like an orgasm before I go to bed or something like that.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

I'm like, I can't.

SPEAKER_02 7:05

I can't, I can't spot a lot either, right? Like Anne, there's there's a lot I I haven't been able to stomach about Anne, but something I've always respected about her is that you at least knew where you stood with Anne Cromwell. You didn't have to guess whether this person liked you or didn't like you, you just knew. And how many people in our lives do we have to play that guessing game, right? Of like, oh no, you know, does she actually like me or is it in my head or what's going on? So with Anne Cromwell, you at least know she's honest to a fault for sure.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

Yeah, and she's got a lot of personality. I mean, just I liked, you know, getting to know her internally, seeing how she like interacts with the other characters. Um, it definitely gave me a good sense of who she is, and I think that elevated the story for me for sure.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

That's awesome.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

What about the core theme? So you talk about kind of like how you got this inspiration, but what do you feel like you wanted to convey to the reader? Or what did you feel like you, you know, was like the center theme for this?

SPEAKER_02 8:11

Yeah, so um the first one is life after loss. So both spousal and infant, um, I started writing the first book because I had uh this very big question, this very big fear, uh what would happen if my husband just like just died right now? Like, would I be okay? Like, what would happen? And the reason why that's such a top of mind question is because both my maternal grandfather and my mother's uh brother died at a very young age from heart attacks. And so this is very much like a a personal inquiry of would would I be okay? And so would Anne Cromwell be okay if this happened? Short short answer is no. She's gonna have to go through some stuff. Um, but so that spousal life after loss, and then also uh infant loss and and what it means to struggle with infertility and um want to be a mother so badly that when you do have that child, you will do anything to protect her psychological well-being, her physical well-being, and that inherently lends itself to the next core theme, which is a complex mother-daughter relationship. And what does it mean to be mom versus friend versus confidant versus like what role am I playing in my mother-daughter relationship? And then finally, uh forgiveness and redemption. Uh, you know, what does it take to forgive yourself, to be forgiven? Um, can somebody who was such a strong antagonist uh be redeemed? Um, those were all questions that I was wrestling with.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

Yeah. And I think that's very relatable. I mean, I think there can be like just really crappy people out there who may never change, but that's not to say that change does not happen for people, um, even in real life. So I didn't feel like this, you know, reading through it wasn't like, well, this would not happen or this is a happily ever after. It's not like that. There's a lot of struggle. Um, even in this, you know, without even getting to the other two books, even in this, I felt that struggle that she was having to get where she needed to go. So it was just a really good, really good story for me, um, for sure as a reader.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

So glad. Man, you're making my day.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Oh, give me a process for writing fiction, just in general. Um, I, you know, this is obviously women's fiction, but you could probably apply this to anything. So, what do you just kind of take me through like how you put this all together and especially as a series, which I think for me that seems a little bit daunting, but you did it.

SPEAKER_02 11:02

Um, so yes, I agree. Um, I had no plans for a trilogy, actually. Um, I just wanted to prove that I could write one book. Um, and uh then the second one uh is that first book's protagonist, so Lily's best friend Marley. And um I say if the first book is my cute hallmark movie, then the second one is my spicy HBO. Um and if people were expecting a second cute hallmark, they would have been like, what is this? Um, it's so spicy. Um, like that one hotel room scene, I just can't get over. I'm like, I can't believe I actually published that, like, published that. Um, and so the challenges for each book were very unique. Um my book coach, uh, when I was writing the first book, I asked, I was like, hey, uh, so surely this gets easier, right? Like as you go. And she's like, uh no, no, sorry. Uh I don't even think she apologized. I think she just said no. Um, and you know, I think I put in the sorry. Um, like, no, every book is gonna have its own challenge. And so the first book required knowledge of how to write and publish a book and craft a story that was both compelling and page turning and just like made sense. Uh, the second book required my own therapy. Um, so what you're actually paying for when you pay for that second book is um just uh all of the the therapy bills that I ragged up. Um trying to get Marley to be well as well. Um, and then the third book wasn't complete until I became a mother myself. Um, I felt like I couldn't really put myself in Ann's shoes if I didn't fully understand what that meant. Um, and there is very much a truth now that exists in that third book because I have felt um that that desire to have a relationship with my daughter versus telling her everything about me, right? Like when I was writing those dramatic scenes of like, oh god, do I tell her, do I not tell her? Like that was very much me asking, like, would I tell my daughter all of my dark parts, all of my shadow sides, right? Um, so that's very much a question that still exists. Um, and then the process for writing fiction, you're right, that um I'm writing a contemporary fiction right now. And though it was uh bittersweet to say goodbye to the Cromwells, um women's fiction and writing fiction doesn't seem to be different in that they're all character-driven stories for me. And so uh I have to know who the character is at the start and what healing they'll find at the end. I think all stories are about broken people. And um, I love something a coach said once at a quill and cut prickle was that reading is simply a blueprint for uh knowing how to live and and learning that regardless of which circumstance you're in, you'll be okay. Uh it's it's learning how to be okay. And so um I think at the heart of women's fiction particularly is a flawed woman who figures out a way to cope a little better with life circumstances she didn't want or asked for. I think it helps us navigate change and encourages readers to be their best selves. Um, but regardless of whether it's women's fiction or or contemporary, or whether I write my future, you know, rom coms or whatever else, um, a few questions I have when I'm planning and writing every scene. And those are uh what is their misbelief? Uh, what would they most hate to happen right now? Uh and then I find a way to make it happen and who will help them through. Um, and then you kind of get that supporting cast of characters uh that make the the story interesting and builds community and belonging to.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

Yeah. I love that you called out like you think about your characters as broken. And I think this is what I love talking to other writers, as different as we are in terms of what we are actually publishing. The the core of it is all the same. We all have this like broken character who's trying to figure something out, whether it's a thriller, whether it's rom-com, even in the rom-coms, you know, like I think that's you know, helps make it more relatable. That's what makes them all relatable. Um, so for anybody, you know, who's listening to this, that's something important. Like, don't just think of, you know, writing and putting together that uh fiction as like, oh, well, this is only applies to like contemporary fiction, or maybe this only applies to, you know, if I was to write like a horror book, it's all the same. They have to have some kind of struggle in order to make it interesting.

SPEAKER_02 15:59

For sure. Absolutely. Give them something to figure out.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Yes. So we talked about a little you touched a little bit about characters, but tell me about like how do you get that character development? Like, how do you make it shine in your story?

SPEAKER_02 16:13

Okay, I like really love this. I feel like when we learned about this in Quill and Cup, it unlocked a new era for me and for a lot of our hedgies. That's what we call our writers hedgies. So, okay, I'm so excited to share this. No character is perfect, right? We already established that. So beginning with a character's Enneagram type is really supportive for my process. So, first I wonder about their fears and their motivations and their desires, and then I do my best to figure out okay, is this character a perfectionist, or so that's a one, uh, or a type seven, an enthusiast who can't stand feeling trapped, or maybe an eight, a loyalist who fears rejection and betrayal. And then once I narrow down their Enneagram type, I wonder about what or who wounded them. So every character uh will need some kind of wound or ghost, and that is something that will be revealed around like the 75% mark, not always, but usually. Um, that's the carrot on the stick that's like invisibly dragging the reader on. You want to figure out what in the world made you this way, right? And so once I have that, I'll uh start playing around with why, just why. So um my character doesn't want to get married. Well, why? Um because her parents had a really awful relationship. Well, why? Um because dad kept berating mom no matter what mom would do. Why? Um, well, because and then it's like, oh, wait. Once you kind of feel your body get goosebumps and you feel like like, oh, I just hit I hit something, like I just hit something, your body will recognize that as truth, and then that's the wound, that's the ghost, and that's kind of the bedrock then upon which I help my character grow. They're gonna keep trying to to overcome this, and my job is to help them do so.

SPEAKER_00 18:30

Yeah. And on that, um, you know, you do a lot of you do a lot of like soul searching with your characters. You sit with them, obviously, for a very long time to help you understand it. But then you're also writing about this plot. And so you have these characters with a lot of depth, and you're also trying to drive this plot. So, how do you find that balance in between so it's not like too heavy on one and not enough in the other, or vice versa?

SPEAKER_02 18:56

Yeah, I have to great question. I have to thank Lisa Crohn's Wired for Story for this nugget. Uh, she says that the plot is the story's events, but the plot is going if done well, the plot will reveal the character's emotions, how the character feels about what's going on, and then how the event affects the character is the story. And so the writer's job, then, in the way I understand it, is that if we want our character to learn something, then we need to be putting them in circumstances that will challenge them. And then we design plot points that specifically like you get to play God, like you get to figure out what to put in your character's way in order to say, like, okay, I'm gonna need you to learn how to tell the truth. And so if that's gonna be the the challenge, then what has to happen? Are they gonna um you know be in a tough position where telling Telling the truth actually feels really scary, but they're gonna have to learn how to do it anyway, or are they gonna fail again? I guess it depends where you are in the story of whether they succeed or fail. So um that's kind of like the um the guide that that I use, the the grounding principle.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

Very good. And what about routines? Like um you're you're a working mom, you're a CEO, you obviously have to set some kind of routine for yourself. Um, this is uh, you know, you spent some time on creating the rules, but this is not your only book. This is your third. So how like what is your what is your routine for writing? Like, how do you keep motivated to keep going and doing this?

SPEAKER_02 20:45

Oh god. Um sheer power of will, no. Um that's that's that's a deep question. It's just a drive, it's just a thing within you. Like if you don't do it, something's missing, right? Um I'm uh a different mom when I don't write. I'm a different person when I haven't played with ideas. Um it it gives me such a sense of fulfillment. Um where where I don't know that anything else really comes close to it. And so um well, besides like being a mom, you know, like you get what I'm saying. Yes, for sure. There are a lot of things that give me fulfillment in my life. Okay, um but but it's like that part, it it scratches that part of my brain. Um, but the writing routine that keeps me consistent, uh it all all hail to the Quill and Cut Peggy House. Um, attending Quill and Cut Prickles, that's what we call our writing sessions. Um when I don't feel like it. And that happens quite often, actually, because you're just tired from life, right? Um, and you start wondering like I was just thinking about this last night. I got so in my head of like, why do I even do this? Who know who's reading this? Why does this matter? Um like this, and then this morning I like I showed up to a prickle and it's like, oh yeah, this is why we do it. Um, because there's no other option. But yeah, the socialization at the start of a prickle uh really fills my cup because we're so nomadic, I don't have like a physical community uh that I can tap into uh often. And so to be able to tap into a community virtually, just I mean, it it takes my mood from like zero to ten almost immediately. Um and then it calibrates my focus regardless of what was happening earlier. So I could have just been getting really stressed out about something 10 minutes ago, but then I'm talking to other hedgies, and we're talking, I'm listening to them get excited about their work, and I'm excited about their progress, and suddenly I feel motivated to make my own. Um, I've also found success in turning on a playlist that I create just for the project that I'm working on. And uh recently I've gotten into lighting a candle, um, and it's like so bizarre how good at focusing you just like one candle is. Um, but it is.

SPEAKER_00 23:18

That's awesome. You know, I'm a mom too. Um, so I get what you're saying. Like, if we don't make time for ourselves to do something that honors whatever gift we have been given, I think we feel that. And that's sort of what got me to you um in the first place.

SPEAKER_02 23:36

Um tell me. I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_00 23:38

So I put out a little sad story on my Substack looking for somebody. You know, I'd already been, you know, I had written my first book, I'd already published it, I wrote it in a vacuum. I didn't have anybody with me. Um, and then on top of that, it took me almost, I think, five years to actually get it out into the world, and it wasn't really necessary. And so at the beginning of 2025, um, you know, I was like, I gotta do something different. My my word of the year this year in 2025 was intentional. I'm gonna be intentional about writing, I'm gonna be intentional about getting feedback on my writing. Well, it makes complete sense that you found cool and cut because except for it took me another six months to figure that out until one day I was like, all right, I just gotta put on my big girl pants right now, and I'm gonna put this out there and say, like, all right, so who would like sit with me? Who would write with me? And Nicole Amberry came to me and she said, Hey, you know, I'll I'll be there for you. I'm in this writing group, which you know, you don't have to be a part of, but if you want to, you should check it out. So I signed up for the seven-day trial at the beginning. Um, but you it's a trial, but that's not that's not really what's going on, Nanya. You like sprinkle this little prickle magic somewhere in there, and then like at day three, I'm like, all right, this is where I need to be.

SPEAKER_02 25:05

It becomes addictive real fast.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

Real fast. It does, but you just like you said, it's even on the days when I'm like, I don't know if I can do this. The minute I join the hedgies on our prickles, yeah, and you're writing alongside virtually, even virtually all these other women, it's just empowering. So I have to know like, how did you start this? Like, what what helped you? Like, I have to do this, and I don't know how big it's gonna get. Maybe you thought that in the beginning, or maybe you just knew it was gonna blow up. But how and why did you found the Quill and Cup women's writing group?

SPEAKER_02 25:40

Oh, because I believe the world is too successful at silencing women's voices and convincing them that they are victims of their circumstances. And that makes me so angry. It makes me so mad. Um, and I could see in myself and in others that when we make time for what lights us up, we just become better people. Like we just become better moms, we become better partners, better friends, we have space. Like that creates capacity for other things. Suddenly we are not burnt out, suddenly we are not walking around resentful because we've actually taken time to advocate for ourselves and our own writing and our stories. And and so Quill and Cup at its heart. I love that you said empowered, intentional. We very intentionally empower women through our research-backed mindset practices and our craft lessons and entrepreneurship by meeting writers where they are, encouraging them just outside their comfort zone, and giving them permission to advocate for themselves and the stories on their heart. Uh, we repeat over and over again that rest is not earned. It is uh non-negotiable in order to keep this writing life sustainable. It's not just a hobby, it's not just a luxury that you can enjoy because you're privileged, it's a necessity. Um, and by making room and giving permission, we are helping women be better and increasing their well-being. And the quality of one's writing is very dependent on one's well-being. Um and so if we can do that in a supportive sisterhood, um but man, like the the ripple effects that Quill and Cup has created in the almost five years that we've been in existence is just uh I I can't believe it. I can't I couldn't have imagined it. Um and it all just started because I was like, well, what if we treated this writing program like a workout program? Because it takes the same grit, it takes the same discipline, it takes the same, I don't feel like it, but I have to in order to make progress. Um it's a muscle that's strengthened over time. Um and it's way more fun when you do it together. And so uh that's that's the spirit behind it.

SPEAKER_00 28:22

Yes, I uh I totally can appreciate the exercising at the gym. If I have to go by myself, it's not happening. But it's not happening. Yeah. If I'm paying for to go, like, you know, go for CrossFit or something and it's like organized, I'm like, yes, six o'clock, you need me there, I am there. And um, and that works for me, and it works for all the other head teams. And there's like, I think this is what um really spoke to me when I started. It's like, wow, it's not just like one time a day. It's like, all right, if I want to get up at 5 30 in the morning, I'm getting on. Usually there's somebody there with me. Usually it's Nicole. Um, but then there's all these other times during the day. And it's not just, you know, it wasn't just that you've built this, let's just get on a Zoom and write together. You have all these other things going on. Like when I started, I had no idea what an Enneagram was. I had no idea, like, you know, we've talked about filler words when, you know, juicy details came on, and you know, all these like little classes that you do and all of these speakers that you bring on and the retreats that you do. It really, I feel it has elevated, even in the short time that I've been here, has elevated my writing. It has challenged me to really think about what am I writing? Is this really that good? And it's you've also built this really safe environment where I feel comfortable bringing my work to all the other women there at the table and saying, hey, I don't know if the scene is working, so can you read it? And like, you know, and you know that you're gonna get this, you're gonna get good feedback. It's not like, you know.

SPEAKER_02 29:51

Yeah, we're not we're not gonna poop all over it, that's for sure. No, that's not helpful for anybody. Yeah, I um the uh phrase I don't know, uh, I've aimed to protect that in the house, uh, where, you know, in this culture of boss babes and and hustle culture, um, to say where I don't know babes is so liberating. Um and it actually is quite uh the antidote to imposter syndrome, because imposter syndrome says, I do have it all figured out. Look at me. And if we can say, well, I don't know everything, but I know this, and I can own that while also asking somebody, hey, I know you are really strong in this in this area. Can you help me out here? And uh I'm telling you, I just can't believe we have such good women. Like, wow, they're incredible, and you're one of them, you know. And I just know that there are so many more. Uh, there are so many more that we're just waiting to meet, and it's they're ready, like they're ready, Mika. They're just afraid because they've been burned before. Yeah. And um, so we just like wait. We're just waiting. We're just waiting until until they get their 20 seconds of courage, and then and then we'll we'll get to meet them.

SPEAKER_00 31:14

Well, that patience definitely it does pay pay off in the end. And I I think you're right, like coming into it. I was that first meeting. I'm like, oh god, I don't know if I can do this. And then I came in and I'm like, it's good, we're good, we're good, everything's good.

SPEAKER_02 31:30

The world didn't blow up. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

Yes. So you've been doing this now for you said five years. Um and you've led hundreds of women. Okay, so we have many, many hedges in the house. Um, what was one of the biggest lessons you've learned in your time being the CEO for the Quillin Cup?

SPEAKER_02 31:52

Hmm, it's not my job to fix anything. I love it. I can walk alongside you and we can figure it out together, and I can ask questions if you want me to ask them. But it is not my job. And when I learned that, whoo! There was a lot that just like melted off my shoulders. Because in the beginning, I wanted to fix that imposter syndrome, and I wanted to fix that plot hole, and I wanted to fix this and that and this, and I couldn't, and I couldn't, and uh and then I realized that uh that's not my job. It's not my job. So uh and everyone has something, everyone has some lesson to learn. We all have our own character arcs. Um, and so I will be a supporting character in in your story, um, but I can't be your hero, baby.

SPEAKER_00 32:50

No, I think the support is fantastic, and I think that um by the hedgy sisters and you not saying, yeah, this plot isn't working, do this. Um instead, you know, we take that supportive role, like, hey, come sit with me, you know, I'll bounce your ideas off of me, I'll see what I can give you. And then that's how we kind of move to the next level. And it it to me just makes me feel stronger. And I think that it's hitting on exactly why you did this in the first place is to give us this power that we already had. We just needed to figure out a way to recognize that the talent is there.

SPEAKER_02 33:30

Oh, I just got goosebumps. Yes, yes, she speaks the truth. Say it louder for the people in the back.

SPEAKER_00 33:37

Yes, queen. Oh my gosh. So we do so many things at Quill and Cup in the hedgy house. We you do we do the prickles, obviously. You do retreats in person and virtually, you have all these speakers, you have all of these um opportunities where we can come and talk about our books and really like get that part where we're you know trying to get comfortable. So if somebody asks us what our book about is about, we we can say it now, girl.

SPEAKER_02 34:05

Yes, without plenty of practices, yeah, without throwing up.

SPEAKER_00 34:12

But what could you possibly do next? I mean, I want to know what is Anya's vision for the next level of the Quillin Cup.

SPEAKER_02 34:21

Okay, ready? Yep, an actual hedgy house. So, like a physical brick and mortar, let's have an actual house where we can go and like book tickets, book a room. You don't need to wait for an in-person retreat. You can say, Hey, BFF, best feedback friend. Hey, do you want to meet here over this weekend? I'll meet you there. We're gonna stay at the hedgy house. I'm imagining a fireplace with a library of our hedges books, our published books on the shelf. So anytime uh somebody's published a book, we have a virtual hedgy bookshelf. We have over gosh, like 40 books now. Um, but you know, like the physical printed books that are available there to show the the current residents look what's possible. Um, I'm imagining a chef so that you don't have to worry about meals, like somebody's cooking for you, and very much like a bed and breakfast kind of feel, um, with a backyard, a property, place to have fun and go explore. Um, so that's what I'm envisioning. And um I talked to my co-founder Cody, who's also my husband, and uh uh we I I asked him, I said, Hey, um, if we get 180 women, uh if we serve 180 women through the 180 program, that's our six month signature, our signature six month novel writing program. I said, if if we get 180 women in this program, do you think we can have a down payment for this hedgy house? And he said, Yes. And so I'm just kind of like, I'm just like I said, I'm just waiting. We'll see, we'll see what happens. Uh, and who who kind of uh joins along in this journey to make it happen. But yeah, girl, this is this is gonna happen. It's just a matter of when.

SPEAKER_00 36:25

Awesome. I love it. I adore that idea. I am like envisioning like this hallmark nice type of house where we have like all this space.

SPEAKER_02 36:33

Girl, yeah, sold out during the holidays because it'll be decorated with holiday lights. And oh my gosh, I love that. The hardest, the hardest part is gonna be figuring out where in the world to put it. Um, but most beautiful places, I know. Uh, there are so many, yes, yes.

SPEAKER_00 36:50

Oh my goodness. All right, so I told you when I went, I asked you to come on the show. I said that my word of the year for 2026 is community, um, in part because that is what drives me every day to get to my manuscript and open it up. But that wasn't always the way. Um, and I spent a lot of time very frustrated, sad. I hit the bottom and I feel like I've finally gotten to the point where um I know that this is important and I don't know why I waited so long. But I'm wondering what you think, why you think that authors tend to miss this in the beginning?

SPEAKER_02 37:32

Oh man, fear. Just fear. Um fear of not being good enough, fear of uh not even feeling like they can call themselves writers because they're brand new to it. Um, like, how can I join a writing community if I don't even feel like a writer, if I haven't put that identity on myself? Um fear of being hurt. Uh if uh I girl, I the story I had, my bit my personal misbelief for a long time was that I was not built for female friendship. That's laughable now. Uh but uh yeah, totally believe that. Um, because I I felt like I didn't know how to be a friend. Because if I if I did know how to be a girl friend, then I'd have more of them, or uh maybe that friendship wouldn't have broken up and that and I swear breaking up with a girlfriend is like more painful than a breakup. Uh and so like I uh I think that that's what what keeps that's what uh unfortunately keeps people away from writing community, I think.

SPEAKER_00 38:46

Yeah, I agree. I don't have a lot of women friends and never did, and so coming in here was it was scary. It is. Um, but this is this community you built is just I think everybody just fits. It's like this perfectly formed puzzle, and everybody that comes on just seems to fit it too. I don't know. Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_02 39:08

I uh and and even that I can imagine somebody who has not had that feeling of belonging be like, oh, then this isn't for me, because I haven't felt that before. And I have to say that a lot of our women have felt that way. Like we're the the introverts who like desire strong connection, but also just need a second alone. Um, and then we can jump back in. And so I don't uh man, I just I wish, I wish, I wish I could have more time like I did when I was first starting Cool and Cut before I was a mom where I could individually reach out to people like on Instagram, like I used to, um, and develop those relationships where I could. Essentially convince the introvert that they could have friends and that they could have friends here in Coolen Cup. Um, but now I rely on places like this where it's like, okay, just imagine, listener, imagine, dear future hedgy, that um that I'm inviting you and that you do belong. Um, and sign up using Mika's pre-trial links.

SPEAKER_00 40:27

Please. Pre-trial. It's a ploy. It's magic sprinkled. You're end up in here.

SPEAKER_02 40:34

Imagine, imagine confetti. Yes. I will dance for you when you become a member. But truly, um the people who are meant to be here are usually the ones who are like, oh my God, this is such a great idea. This is everything I needed. I can't believe this exists. Um, you know, how can I make this work? And it truly is a membership like it is to anything else. Like you pay for your coffee every day, you put it in your budget. Um, you go to the gym, you put in your budget. Um, and this is the same thing. It legitimatizes your writing life because now you're paying for it. And so now you have to show up to these meetings. Um, it's easier actually to tell your family that you have writing time because you are telling your spouse, like, hey, I need child care for this time because this is when I have my meeting, right? This is when I have my prickle. And then uh they hilariously call it a pickle or whatever. Um, and oh girl, I just noticed the other day uh my daughter just turned two, right? And I was sitting on a prickle, and she's seen people on my screen since birth. Like it's just a thing in her existence that she knows. But now I'll say things like, Okay, mommy's going to work, mommy's going to work on her book, mommy's writing, and then she runs into the room. I'm like, I'm typing away, and I'm kind of like a little nervous, like, oh no, is she gonna like what's she gonna need? And the other day she looked at my screen and she saw that I was on a prickle, and then she just like went to go play on her own. And I was like, Okay, okay, so like this is real, like they learn, they learn, and then it's okay. You don't have mom guilt. So, like, I don't have mom guilt when I go right. Like, it just doesn't now I'm gonna feel it because I'm gonna feel like you know No, there's no mom guilt at all. But there isn't, there isn't because I know I'm a better mom when I've had this time, and then I can be fully present with her and indulge her in singing icky sticky sticky bubblegum for you know the 50th time. I don't care because I've already practiced my brain in that way. And actually, I don't feel like thinking about anything else because I've already I've already used it.

SPEAKER_00 42:52

Oh my goodness, that's so funny. Yes, I I know I had seen, oh gosh, this goes back probably like 10, 15 years. Um, but there were studies backing uh parents, women, mothers who work and how their children benefit from that. Just seeing you, even if it's like a small slice, you know, a couple hours of your day or an hour, whatever you're gonna give it on these prickles, it's important for you to show up for yourself because they're gonna see that and then they know, like, okay, you know, I need to do this too. I need to do stuff for myself because this is, you know, long term, it's it's good for them to help them grow and and mature like that.

SPEAKER_02 43:32

Yeah, I I just get so tickled at hearing the stories of hedgies who share a picture of their kids, you know, working on their books while mommy is writing on a prickle, or look at my kid, you know, wrote this chapter while I was writing, and it becomes uh a thing. And uh one of our hedgies, probably more than one, but like her kids just keep getting her more hedgehog things. And I love that. I love that for her because that means that the kids see her, like they see that she delights in this, that she is a happier mom, and they're encouraging her in that. Like, I think that's so that's so amazing. I just uh I can't this conversation is giving me life. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 44:22

Same, I've really enjoyed it, but we are not done. We have got to the lightning round, my friend. Yes. So this is the Ink Starter Lightning Round. I am gonna give you a series of questions and you're gonna rapid fire me your answers back. You ready?

SPEAKER_02 44:38

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00 44:39

Okay. What do you wish more writers, especially women writers, understood about the writing journey?

SPEAKER_02 44:46

It's uncomfortable and hard, and it'll challenge you and frustrate you, but that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. It doesn't mean that you're not cut out for it. It means your nervous system is rebuilding itself to be the writer you so badly want to be.

SPEAKER_00 45:01

Awesome. Word, scrivener, a notebook for drafting your books.

SPEAKER_02 45:07

Uh, notebook for ideas and Google Docs for everything else.

SPEAKER_00 45:11

Awesome. Okay, techno, classical, country, heavy metal for your writing, background music.

SPEAKER_02 45:19

Heavy metal. Uh classical. Dang it. I can't see.

SPEAKER_00 45:22

I'm gonna say Iron Maiden, come on.

SPEAKER_02 45:24

I know. I can't, I can't do, I can't do words.

SPEAKER_00 45:29

Snack of choice when you're writing.

SPEAKER_02 45:31

So not healthy for my heart, but summer sausage and Colby Jack cheese. Oh my gosh, I love it. So not good for you. I love it.

SPEAKER_00 45:41

That's my whole girl dinner right there. Oh my gosh. All right, last book you read.

SPEAKER_02 45:50

Uh, Witchborn by Rachel Grovener. So good.

SPEAKER_00 45:53

Very good. You have given us so many great tips today. Um, you've given a lot of your time. I am going to ask you for your five best tips. So, this is where you get to share whatever tips you want to bring to the table to help any writer bring their writing to the next level.

SPEAKER_02 46:11

Find a community. Um learn as much as you can, but don't let it turn into uh a distraction from writing. Um three, discipline before dopamine. So show up to do the hard work first and then reward yourself instead of, for example, uh buying the journal to write your book. Instead, write your book and then buy the journal, if that makes sense. Um, make sure that you schedule your writing time as a non-negotiable writing time and uh stick to it. Uh if you betray that, you'll start to um resent whatever is taking you away from it, but truly you have the power to say no right now is my writing time. Uh obviously that's nuanced, but uh you can figure out the nuance. And then five, um keep recalibrating to uh why you're doing this. You have to find your deep emotional why and let that drive you when you don't feel like doing it anymore. Um, that's not true, it's just uncomfortable and hard. So you need a deep emotional why in order to convince your brain um to do it.

SPEAKER_00 47:32

Very good. I love it. I could have used you on number three a while back. Um okay, so I'm gonna write that down. Do not buy the journal yet. Don't buy the journal yet.

SPEAKER_02 47:42

Don't buy the stickers. And if you buy the stickers, use them as a reward. Um, I'm one of those crazy people who actually does enjoy posting on social media. Um and so uh I use that as uh my uh dopamine hit after uh writing. So I'll write, I'll do the uncomfy, and then I'll spend time creating a social media post, for example.

SPEAKER_00 48:06

Very, very good. I love that. I I love that um idea because it is true. Like if you hit the dopamine first, you'll never get to the writing.

SPEAKER_02 48:13

No, you won't. Yeah, you gotta you gotta put in that discipline. Little, uh, what do we call it? Hold on. Um big D before little D. The big D is the discipline, and then the dopamine comes after.

SPEAKER_00 48:26

All right, that's gonna be my new quote on my disc. Big D before little D.

SPEAKER_02 48:30

That's right. And it could be a capital D and a lowercase D. And no one else has to know what it means. It's just for you.

SPEAKER_00 48:36

Oh my gosh. All right, Anya, there's nothing you haven't done. You are mom boss, you're CEO, you are a fantastic writer. You also have a podcast. So you are doing Her Life, Her Rules podcast. I want to know, give us your elevator elevator pitch, and then tell us where we can find it.

SPEAKER_02 48:56

Ah, I love this so much. I have so enjoyed hosting this podcast. It feels so right. And on it, I ask women three questions: a rule they've broken, what's a non-negotiable rule that they follow, and what rule they're still aiming to follow. And it's a place to hear stories that we normally wouldn't have access to because they're so vulnerable. Uh, for example, we've had women share about the grief of losing their baby, of losing their mom, of their alcoholism, of their chronic illness, their affair recovery journey. Um, it's been just amazing. And uh, you can find it on Apple Podcasts and uh BuzzSprout or Spotify.

SPEAKER_00 49:40

Very good. Yes, I'm gonna give an additional plug on it because it's a very relatable podcast. Um, it's great to listen to. It reminds us all. We are not alone in any of it. Um, and I think that's what I I definitely take away from the episode. So fantastic work.

SPEAKER_02 49:58

Thank you. Thank you for listening. It's been so cool. It's been so it's been so fun. So meaningful.

SPEAKER_00 50:04

For sure. And what about the Quill and Cup? Where can we find it?

SPEAKER_02 50:08

Uh, Quill and Cup can be on Instagram at Quill and Cup or quillandcup.com. Um, and if you are most curious about being a member, I'd say there are two avenues. Uh one is through Mika. Um, or uh you can DM me at the Anya C T H E A N I A S S E Y. Um or sign up for the 180 wait list. Uh it's where we open up our six-month novel writing program, and it happens very sporadically. Um, I did just uh identify our next three launch dates in 2026. So we're only launching it three times next year.

SPEAKER_00 50:52

Mm-hmm. Very good. And the 180 program, just so everybody knows, can you explain that really quick? Um, because I think it's important and I think it's a great program that you have running. So what is the 180?

SPEAKER_02 51:04

Thank you. The 180 program is where we challenge writers and encourage them and support them to write a first draft in 180 days or a six-month period. And we um give you craft lessons, mindset lessons, community structured accountability prompts Monday through Friday for those six months. Uh, we don't let you fall through the cracks. And so uh we keep up the uh rest is non-negotiable, so you um can expect like mid-cohort breaks and um basically everything I've learned from my writers, from being a writer, from having a front seat to gosh, hundreds of workshops and webinars at this point, from my English degree, all of the things um are in this program. And uh it's been so cool uh to see that what we have programmed is where the writer is in her draft journey uh in those first six months. And so if you thrive in that kind of structured environment, uh definitely the 180 is for you.

SPEAKER_00 52:13

Yeah, and it's working.

SPEAKER_02 52:15

Yeah, it sure is. I'm doing it right now. And man, I'm I'm I'm writing my fourth book in the 180 program right now. Um and that's actually important to say that uh the 180 is not just for debut novelists. Uh that, you know, if you've written five books or ten books and just like want something different or new in this next drafting journey, uh, come hang out with us. We'd love to have you.

SPEAKER_00 52:40

Awesome. Well, you put a lot of heart, um, a lot of thought. You've done a lot of research. You are um a fantastic writer, and creating the rules is a beautiful book, and I encourage everybody to pick it up. Um, just a lot of emotion there. And I can tell just speaking to you and and learning where it's all coming from. Um so great job on that. Where can readers find your books?

SPEAKER_02 53:07

Uh anywhere, uh, but I most personally love to send them out. Um, and so if you want to DM me at the onusy, say, hey, I want a signed copy of your book, um, then I would be like over the moon excited um to send it to you. Um otherwise, very easy to get all three books or one book at a time uh as ebooks or paperbacks on Amazon or Barnes Noble or Target or Walmart, wherever, wherever you want to get your books.

SPEAKER_00 53:39

Awesome. All the places. Thank you so much, Anya, for joining us today and for all of your knowledge for coming to talk to us about creating the rules. I really appreciate it. Um, this has been a lot of fun and I enjoyed the laughs with you.

SPEAKER_02 53:53

It's been so cup filling. Thank you so much, Mika. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 53:57

Thank you for listening to this episode of Traditionally Self-Published. If this episode helped you, subscribe, leave a review, and share with your author and reader friends a like. And be sure to check the first episode where I share a bit about how to solve this feed and why building a helpful community is so important. Until next time, before we go,