A Word!

In this episode of the Rich Spinster Podcast, the Rich Spinster follows up on a conversation sparked by a recent clip about church culture, discussing the ways homophobia persists in both the church and Black Greek Letter Organizations. She also reflects on Minority Mental Health Month, exploring the importance of healing, authenticity, and creating spaces where people can be fully seen and supported.

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SPEAKER_00 0:00

It's just all about love and life and living and freedom. That's what that's what it's all about for me now. Welcome to the Rich Spenster Podcast. I hope everyone is having a fantastic start of the week. So we have another recall on food. You can't eat lettuce. I don't know what you can eat anymore. Recall on food. Then I saw a recall on garlic powder. I'm not giving up garlic powder. So we can we can just stop that shit right now. There are some things in life that I'm just not giving up on. We can start with garlic powder. I'm not giving up garlic powder and I'm not giving up hot sauce. Let me tell you something. If there is ever a recall on crystal hot sauce, y'all might as well start making my funeral arrangements. I don't trust almost anything right now that I don't cook because the people who I don't trust the administration. I don't trust people in charge to keep us safe. So all of these recalls, it just freaks me out. Think I'm gonna leave my health up to the Trump administration and the people that they have hired to look after us. Oh no. It has been quite a week for me simply because there's a clip that I made last week on social media that has garnered a lot of attention. And that is about religion and religious people and how in my life, my life, people who are not religious have been better to me personally. I have found that people who consider themselves atheists or agnostic or spiritual have treated me wholeheartedly better than people who are proselytizing their religion, people who are proudly religious. That has been my experience. And as a black woman who is not religious, I find myself usually alone in that realm, or at least people don't talk about the fact that they're not religious in the black community in that way. We are met with you just need Jesus, or oh, I'm sorry that you've experienced church hurt, or all kinds of condescending comments that prove the point, right? These comments prove my point over and over again. This is why the church as it functions today does not appeal to a segment of black people. Let's be clear: the the black church has been central to black culture. The black church was also central to the civil rights movement. But when we look at our lives today, and we look at the ways in which we have expanded out from the limitations that sometimes culture puts you in, that place is not a safe haven. The church is not a safe haven. And I've dared to say that the church is not a safe haven for a lot of black women. Definitely, black queers are ostracized in the black church, even though black LGBTQ folks preach on Sundays, sing in the choirs, direct the choirs, are deacons and mothers of the church and all of that. They play pivotal roles in the church, but they can't be in the church as they are. Listen, Jesus may have said, Come as you are, but that's not what the church says. We know this from people's personal experiences. I have taken time to read so many of the comments under my video. So many of those comments, which are filled with experience after experience of being mistreated by people who call themselves religious. So many comments, people talking about their sexual assaults and still having to go to the same church. I've heard stories about people who about girls who get pregnant and they have to go in front of a congregation to apologize to the church for getting pregnant. All of that in the name of Jesus. And so church has never been a place where I personally have found community, where I have found acceptance and love and encouragement. I haven't found that in church people. The black people in my life who went to church over the years have been the people who have caused me the most harm. I am not saying that they're all like that. Please understand that we have to speak in generalities when we are talking about things like this. So I am sure that there are religious people out there who are beautiful human beings, who are open-minded, who aren't hobophobic, who aren't transphobic, who aren't sexist. I just haven't met many of them. And I honestly have found the fact that I am not religious to be a way that I have been able to connect with people in ways that I probably would not have because I don't have religion as a barrier. And I'm not saying that there are not beautiful and compassionate and giving and accepting and loving Christians specifically out there. But what I am saying is I haven't met a lot of them. And if they're out there, let me say this: Jesus needs better PR people. Jesus has the worst PR people in the world. Because let me tell you something. As soon as I see you with a cross on your neck, I'm suspicious. I just, I'm I'm suspicious based on my experiences. You know when church had me fucked up? Church had me really fucked up when I was like a little kid and I realized that I couldn't be Pope. I thought that was some bullshit at nine.

unknown 6:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:30

Jesus may be love, but his followers aren't. I really want to focus on homophobia for a moment. I cannot tell you how many times that I have seen obvious, obvious LGBTQ people in hateful churches. I have witnessed a minister in the pulpit using gay slurs from the pulpit. And the people were sitting there saying amen. I read stories. I read stories online this under the comments of the video this week about people's grandparents who were basically bankrupted from the church. How many times have you heard over and over again there was a building fund? We don't know what had happened to the building fund money. What? Y'all don't know what happened to the building fund money. And so when I talk about the church, what I am talking about is not your Jesus. Because I don't believe that your Jesus has anything to do with the church. And one thing that I really loved about reading some of the messages is not that I thought that I was alone in this, but this is not something that we as black people specifically talk about. Because we already know how those conversations are going to go. There is not only just a culture of church, but a part of the culture of church is actually not questioning the church. All that shit sounds like a cult to me. I can't question what happened to the building fund. What? You know, my grandmother told me a story one time where she was a member of this church. This is long before I was born. And there was something going on with the money in the church. And there was a church meeting and all of that, and the pastor said something that didn't make sense. And if you all knew my grandmother, my grandmother was a believer, but my grandmother was one of the smartest people I have ever known. My grandmother stood up and she said, wait a minute, this doesn't make sense because of X, Y, and Z. And my grandmother said that a man stood up in the church, I believe he was a deacon or something at whatever church she was going to at that time. And that he said, Daughter, you don't question the pastor. And everybody was like, Amen, amen. And so my grandmother walked the fuck out. Because she wasn't going to be anywhere where she couldn't question man. She couldn't question what was going on with the money. And she wasn't going to stay somewhere whereas a woman, she was basically being told to be silent. The one thing we know about the church is that the church is going to sit center men every time. What I am saying is, I do not see a lot of Christ in Christians. Black people out there who are not affiliated with a religion, be more vocal, feel more free, and know that there is a community out here of other black people who are not religious and who are good, who are happy, who are free, who are bonding with other people, who are in spaces and who are creating spaces where you are accepted. Because let me tell you something. I don't want to have a space, and I don't want to be in a space where everybody is not welcome with open arms. I would hate to be a member of a church where a trans person couldn't come in. I don't want to be in a church where a gay person has to hide behind a choir robe. I don't want to be in a church that won't bury a gay person. Let me tell you something. There was a church, and I don't remember the name of the church, and if I did, I would call it out because fuck them. There was a church in Tampa, Florida where I think somebody passed away and they wouldn't hold the funeral. Because the person was a member of the LGBT plus community. Imagine that. And what's crazy is I never heard of a church not wanting to bury a drug dealer. But the church didn't want to bury a gay man. Ain't that bad a bitch? Why do you have to agree with someone's life? Why do you have to agree with someone's love or someone's relationship? People aren't asking you to agree with who they love. They're asking you to mind your fucking business and respect them. It's the hypocrisy for me. I have always had an issue with hypocrisy, even if it's my own. I've always had an issue with hypocrisy, the idea that you can call yourself a religious person and you are homophobic and transphobic. But you kind of and you're loud about your homophobia and your transphobia, but you're quiet about the molestation that happens in the church. You're quiet about the sexism. In fact, you just accept the sexism as a part of the culture. That is what I have experienced, that is what I have witnessed, that is what I know of. Church. And church people. And if you aren't a church person, if you're a black person who goes to church and that's not a part of who you are, and that's not a part of your religious practice, then I think that's wonderful. I actually think black Christians specifically, who are not homophobic, who are not transphobic, who are not sexist, I think that those people should have the loudest voices in Christianity. Let me tell you something. I believe with my whole heart that if Jesus came back, he wouldn't fuck with y'all.

unknown 12:22

I do.

SPEAKER_00 12:25

I do. Why would he? I think if being a Christian and going to church makes you serve your community, makes you expand spiritually in ways in which you wouldn't otherwise, if it makes you a great neighbor, if it makes you generous, if it makes you kind, if it makes you more patient, I think that's a beautiful thing. I just haven't seen a lot of y'all. That's it. I ain't seen a lot of y'all. I'm not saying y'all don't exist. I'm just saying there's not enough to make a club. Everybody goes to church. There's a lot to be talked about there. LGBTQ plus people in black Greek letter organizations, where are you at? Because there's there's the homophobia can be rampant. LGBTQ members of black Greek letter organizations. A lot of y'all understand what I'm talking about with the homophobia. I don't have the time, I don't have time for the fuckery. There was a pivotal point in my life in my late 20s where I made a conscious decision, like I matter in this motherfucker. And I'm going to do whatever I can do to experience this life, to love this life, and not give my life over to the confines of culture. Because you give your life over to the confines of culture, and at the end of this bitch, you die anyway. And I was like, yeah, this ain't for me. So I'm so glad that so many people saw that clip on Instagram at Rich Spenster and that it meant something to them. So much so that they have shared it, and there is a community of people being built under that post where they are talking about what they have experienced as black folks in the church. Shout out to the woman that emailed me and told me that she had to create a burner account to make comments and to write me because she did not want her feelings about her religious experience to be traced back to her. She was still deconstructing and didn't want backlash. She was just starting this process. Shout out to people who are just starting the process of being free. So July is Minority Mental Health Awareness Month. Minority Mental Health Month started, I believe, in 2008. And I think it's so important during this time for people of color and black folks to talk about their mental health. Nothing is more important than you have had struggles with anxiety. So much so that there have been times when anxiety has been absolutely debilitating. And I think it's important to talk about those things, to take the taboo nature out of those things, because sometimes we're not okay. What is that? Meg the Stallion said, bad bitches have bad days too. But sometimes a bad day can turn into a bad week, into a bad month. And black women especially are high performers. And so they have high functioning anxiety and high functioning depression. And they can suffer from anxiety and depression all while succeeding, all while being fabulous and looking beautiful, all while taking care of family and friends and being active in their sororities and active in their churches and communities. They can do all of those things and still be suffering from anxiety or depression or other mental health issues. Some of us don't want to have those conversations still. Or we don't have people that we feel safe enough. And I think that's really what it is. A lot of people don't have people that they feel safe enough that they can express that they're going through mental health issues. I know when I was going through my darkest period in my life, there were very few people who knew that anything was wrong. They had no idea that I was suffering with serious anxiety. And that anxiety was triggered by a loss. And I just couldn't shake it. I was not okay. But everybody in the world around me thought that I was fine. And so I wanted to just take this opportunity to say that if you're not okay, if you're having struggles with your mental health, especially if you're having those struggles in secret, come up out of the dark. If that's you, seek some help. There are people who care, and there are people out there who will help you. And a lot of us grow up feeling as though those feelings of sadness, anxiety, depression, whatever that is, that those feelings are nothing. And that the only feelings that really matter are feelings of joy and happiness. Those are the only feelings that we should talk about and express. But I'm telling you, you do that, and you're gonna be a bottled-up motherfucker ready to explode one day. And the problem is for a lot of people, especially black women, they don't explode, they implode. Black women implode. I don't want that for you, sis. Thank you for listening to the Rich Spenster Podcast. You can listen to this podcast anywhere you listen to podcasts. You can also watch this podcast in its entirety on YouTube at Rich Spenster. Be sure to follow me on Instagram at Rich Spenster. I hope you all have a wonderful week. I will talk to you soon.