The Butterfly Pavilion Podcast
Conversations between dad and daughter about managing the most out of life with his stage IV cancer. No affiliation with the Butterfly Pavilion itself and this is not intended as medical advice as we (Ty and Nikki) don't even play a doctor on TV.
Find us on Instagram: @butterflypavilionpod
YouTube: @ButterflyPavilionPod
Find Ty on Twitter/X: @seeksboston26mi
The Butterfly Pavilion Podcast
Tree Hugger
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Season 1, Ep 4 of The Butterfly Pavilion Podcast; "Tree Hugger." In this episode, Nikki and Ty discuss fan mail (YES, we are now getting fan mail!,) introduction of the "cry jar," Nikki opening herself around her therapy journey, memories of Nikki growing up, and Nikki tests her dad, Ty with current lingo. As usual, Ty provides an update on his cancer treatment and fluctuating PSA (prostate specific antigen) levels. Ty shares quote from America's Got Talent's "Nightbirde."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoNCairOJ_M
Connect with us
- Instagram: @butterflypavilionpod
- YouTube: @ButterflyPavilionPod
- TikTok: @butterflypavilionpod
- Find Ty on Twitter/X: @seeksboston26mi
- Email us: butterflypavilionpod@gmail.com
Hello! Welcome back, folks! I'm Nikki Godwin.
SPEAKER_01And I'm Ty Godwin. And welcome to the Butterfly Pavilion Podcast.
SPEAKER_04Episode four. Right?
SPEAKER_01Season one, episode four.
SPEAKER_04Season one, episode four.
SPEAKER_01I feel like by the fifth one, we might be able to get that whole jargon down of season and episode.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you know, maybe our audience is tiring of that a bit.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we beat that dead horse.
SPEAKER_04Uh um, we have lots of good stuff going on today, but Dad, do you want to jump in?
SPEAKER_01Well, I think we were going to start with um some fan feedback.
SPEAKER_04Yes, we have received a ton of amazing feedback thus far on a lot of platforms on YouTube, Spotify, Instagram, personal outreach from old friends, um LinkedIn. LinkedIn, people in the community.
SPEAKER_01From my previous life.
SPEAKER_04Yes, so we wanted to shout those out.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, so um I did want to read a few of these because you know, we started this as it just conversations we're gonna record for you. And it evolved into, well, if we're gonna do that, why don't we do a podcast? And we didn't know how it might touch people or affect people. Um, and I've been pleasantly surprised with yeah, some of the some of the feedback we've got. Um Rob wrote to me, hey Ty, just listened to your podcast for the first time. You have an incredibly mature and articulate daughter. Uh, the strength you show in talking about living with cancer is inspiring. I don't monitor social media, but felt drawn to listen to your podcast. Please know your voice is impactful.
SPEAKER_02Oh.
SPEAKER_01And that was from an old colleague named Rob.
SPEAKER_04It's so sweet.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04I was like, me? Intelligent?
SPEAKER_01Yes. No, I've gotten a lot of daughter. Um, I don't I don't want to float your ego, burst, you know, balloon your ego too much, but there's been a ton of positive Nikki feedback.
SPEAKER_04We love affirmation. Thank you.
SPEAKER_01We all love affirmation.
SPEAKER_04We all love affirmation.
SPEAKER_01Um and Kevin Kramer, you know, good buddy of mine, um, he reposted um on LinkedIn and he Yeah, which is largely all business content, you know, it's probably two percent personal.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it is kind of interesting when people post something personal. Really personal things on LinkedIn, or even a personal thing.
SPEAKER_01Like I did a bike ride to raise money or something. It is typically very weird. So but I am weird. Um but he was very touched, he said, uh, reposted it and said, make memories, not just money. Who we leave behind, our kids especially, will speak louder than any of our individual achievements or accolades. This is a real legacy tie uh in our prayers, sir. Um, and that was from Kevin.
SPEAKER_04Um thank you, Kevin.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, thanks, Kevin. Um I could never be as smart as you. Uh he's a real smart dude. And then I won't list this gentleman's name, but it was an old CEO, uh, not old in age, but you know, I guess I'm I'm old, so that might make him old. Um, but probably one of the two or three most respected CEOs that I ever work with. And I would run into him. I only worked with him once, but we both, you know, had a great relationship based on that time together. We had great wins. And uh he reached out to me on email. Say, so I my LinkedIn posts, so sorry that you're navigating stage four cancer. Wanted to wish you well and pray for your quick recovery. Your daughter's idea and connection are so special. Um I haven't shared this uh but with you, and in case it helps, you know, the old saying that misery loves company. A few months ago I was diagnosed with stage four, stage three, multiple melanoma, and uh right lung mass came out of the blue, it was quite surprising. Uh uh multiple melanoma has few treatment options. He's been embarking on that. Um, you know, but I maintain optimism that we'll do as well as we can with treatments given that both are incurable, which is really tough words to read. Uh then I exchanged notes and praise. Thank you for reaching out. And he replied, it's just the luck of the draw. I try to remain optimistic. You definitely have the right attitude, it will keep you strong thro through this. Thanks for sharing. Um that was powerful. Um, the it it was somebody that, you know, through business, we just had a lot of mutual respect for each other. I would run into them at uh there's a big I was in the telecom industry and there's a big show every year in Barcelona, uh Mobile World Congress for the mobility space. Um and I was fortunate. It's a horrible place to go, by the way, for a conference in Barcelona.
SPEAKER_03Horrible place.
SPEAKER_01Horrible. Food's crap, don't go there.
SPEAKER_03Don't go there, don't travel there.
SPEAKER_01Um, but anyway, I uh I've been overwhelmed by the by the feedback um uh that we've got um, you know, so keep those comments coming. I'm I'm glad that we're able to entertain, you know, uh update those family members or people that want to follow my journey on the cancer journey. I think we're gonna change it up this week and maybe do the cancer update at the end.
SPEAKER_04Um and then I just had one other any any feedback on the on the letters, Nikki, or no, I just have been overwhelmed with joy with the amount of positive feedback that we've been getting, and I think we're also providing a sense of hope for people who may need it, which is just a secondary objective that fills my soul. You know, the first, like you mentioned, is us doing this fun project together, spending all this time and recording these videos so we have them, but the fact that we are able to provide.
SPEAKER_01It's a bonus. We didn't expect to reach people.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, this is a total bonus. And I just while you were reading that, there was this specific piece of feedback that came to mind. So I was digging in my my Instagram DMs, but um, someone who shall remain uh anonymous just listened to episode one while getting my morning started. This is amazing, awesome, and very heartwarming. I'm unfortunately dealing with a hard time in my relationship with my mom and dad and brother. I'm in a family business and it's really hard, and I've been taking some time away from them knowing that you know it could be someone's last day or someone's last moment, and not being able to spend time with them really hurts me. I'm trying to get over this hump and listening to your podcast really helped me and is helping me push through this. Good job, Nikki.
SPEAKER_00Wow.
SPEAKER_04So it's again, this is just overwhelming in a really positive way, and we're just happy that we're starting out with some really heavy stuff, aren't we? I I don't think it is not as heavy as some of the other stuff we've started with.
SPEAKER_01I mean, the the you know, we are talking about cancer and that's heavy, and the colleague, uh CEO colleague that is also dealing with cancer, that's that's heavy, but um no, I I'm thrilled with that feedback.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, well, I I wanted to mention and probably something I'm gonna touch on throughout today's episode, but life is not always sunshine and rainbows. Everyone is experiencing their own struggles in their life, and that's not always shown on social media. That's socials always the highlights, the fun stuff, what's going on, and so I think it's a good idea.
SPEAKER_01I think you need to go to Facebook to get all the misery. Hey, I stay off of Facebook when I can, but it's not a I won't mention names, but there are some people that it feels like get a therapist. I don't know.
SPEAKER_04Well, anywho.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, we won't go there, but I went there.
SPEAKER_04I I wanted to introduce no, not quite yet. Oh, are you calling me out for not following the outline?
SPEAKER_01Because you called me out for not following the outline last week.
SPEAKER_04Okay, alright, so I got to go.
SPEAKER_01I had one last I had one last thing as part of the not not fan mail, but a a uh production correction. Um that's right. I sometimes use the wrong words, and it's not so much an age thing. I I have started to reach out to some people in the long COVID community, and we will do that episode. Um I'd like to land a whale uh to get for one of those episodes, but I I think I've got a couple lined up where we can go in depth because it is still a big part of my life and and was a precursor and a compounding factor to my cancer diagnosis. But um anyway, in the in the last episode, I it I had a I used the wrong word, and I we were talking about stereotypes, and and I said, yeah, you know, there's the the woman wearing the turban. And we just glossed right over it. And I'm like, turban, what a turban is like something you'd see in the Indiana Jones movie, or maybe Mrs. Roper with her Kafkan dress. Um, so sorry for the insensitive insensitivity, um, largely the women, although uh Jamie Raskin in Congress, he went through cancer. Uh he had more of a um who's the guy in Springsteen that wears his scarf? It'll come to me.
SPEAKER_04I don't know why do not know why you're asking me about Springsteen about Springsteen.
SPEAKER_01You do know of this person called Bruce Springsteen.
SPEAKER_04Correct, but like that's the like end of my knowledge is his name.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Um he's an actor.
SPEAKER_04Well, don't don't derail us.
SPEAKER_01He played, he was in the Sopranos.
SPEAKER_04Really?
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_04I'm looking this up. Continue. This is a we are anyway.
SPEAKER_01When he performed, he would wear a headscarf. Um, so I think the term I there was a long way for me to explain, re-explain myself. Yeah, we're I think w women women when they lose their hair uh when going through chemo would would wear a headscarf. Um I should have the researcher from the kitchen shout out uh this actor's actor and musician's name. Um but I want to end with you know we we seem to have no shortage of uh marketing taglines. Um we talk a lot about uh finding light and darkness.
SPEAKER_04Yes. Um that is our official tagline.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Uh and not we we've shelved the not quite an hour of ginger power. Um but on our YouTube channel, we did fully launch uh as part of the episode three Purple Delight uh our YouTube channel. So if you want to see us uh in the goofiness of of Ty, uh the moments of goofiness, I should say. Uh but anyway, the intro to uh Purple Delight, um Uncle your Uncle Tim, my brother, is a musician. He did some amazing intro music in an end jingle that we use also for the intro and closing of Spotify. So thanks to Uncle Tim. Yes, thanks, Uncle Tim. Uh but I put a quote uh from Nightbird. Nightbird, I don't know how many people have told about this young woman who was on America's Got Talent, which is my guilty pleasure. I loved that show. I love the human stories that become a success on stage. And Nightbird was one of those. And she came out on stage, they knew nothing about her, and she explains that she hadn't been working for a year because she has cancer, and the tone got very serious. And not in the performance, but the interview before her performance and her performance blew the judges away. I think she would have won the season, but she had to she had to bow out uh because of her health, and she ultimately succumbed to cancer. Um, but she had a quote backstage that really um hit home, and I think it's part of that light and darkness, and she said, You can't wait until life isn't hard anymore before you decide to be happy. And you can't you can't force yourself to be happy, um, you know, but you can wallow in misery, and it it is a it is a a balancing act and a tightrope act with cancer to manage your emotions, and I think you'll get we'll probably get into that when you talk about therapy. Um anyway, um very inspired by Nightbird. Um Google it if you haven't watched that particular episode. It's got a cajillion views on YouTube.
SPEAKER_04We could probably share a story and link it. And we'll link it.
SPEAKER_01We'll link it and we'll drop a link to it in um this episode. Yes. Uh, because it it's just powerful, powerful stuff. But anyway, is it in the intro of the uh Purple Delight episode, I put her quote in there just because I thought it was so cool. But um anyway, I go back to you and back to the outline.
SPEAKER_04That's okay, Dad. Um, I actually messed that one up, so that's on me. But we've been talking and joking about a cry jar, and I'm gonna get some ASMR sounds. That's like too loud.
SPEAKER_01Oh, that's too loud? Okay.
SPEAKER_04But like some little ASMRs.
SPEAKER_01Well, you you need to tell people what ASMR is, because I just learned of this recently.
SPEAKER_04I actually don't know.
SPEAKER_01You don't need to tell people what the acronyms tell people what it is.
SPEAKER_04Well, there's people online who make ASMR videos.
SPEAKER_01I personally There's a woman who's got like a cajillion views and quit her day job on YouTube.
SPEAKER_04I follow this woman who makes custom soaps and then she crunches them over like it's a video, but it's a microphone, and it is the most satisfying thing.
SPEAKER_01Calming.
SPEAKER_04Calming, satisfying thing ever. But a lot of people, like for skincare, if they're doing their get ready with me videos, they'll they'll do this, um, that sound, nails against the glass, or yeah, shaking head, you know, violent shaking of the coin jar is is probably not ASMR. No, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Gentle sh swirling is probably okay.
SPEAKER_04But I do love ASMR, but total segue again. Rabbit hole again. But we wanted to introduce our cry jar.
SPEAKER_01Should it ever happen?
SPEAKER_04I don't know if it will. We'll see. I think you and I have talked about how when we're doing this podcast, we have a of course, naturally our business brain and mindset comes to the forefront of when we're talking to one another. So even when we're talking about really hard subjects, some even after last episode, like I got super emotional, but after we filmed it. But in the case that we do cry during the episode one.
SPEAKER_01We gotta contribute to the cry jar. Well, and it actually should be empty if we're Well, I I put the coins in there for for ASMR audio effects.
SPEAKER_04We'll leave the leave the jar empty for now, and then if we end up shedding some tears, we'll drop some coins in there.
SPEAKER_01Before you move on, the it it did remind me of a story, and we've talked about this that we we have great content ideas that come to us in the middle of a night. So I'll roll over in bed at two in the morning or I'm up and I'll jot on a notepad, you know, some ideas. But we were talking about how we just get in this business zone almost. Um, and it reminded me of a story back when I worked at ThreeCom, which is a cajillion years ago. But they they were a behemoth in the networking industry. And a marketing guy was a buddy of mine, and he called me up and he's like, Hey, this company wants to do a uh TV segment on home networking, and I can't fly out, I can't just say flying out. You know, would you do it for me? And I'm like, Oh, sure. And I was I I go to the studio that was out by Stapleton, uh, the old airport, um, and I go in the studio and it it it's a studio, it's you know, built up with a desk and like got this home environment, and I sit down with this, you know, very professional and intimidating woman interviewer, and almost like Wolf Farrell in old school when he did the debate team, you'd have to, you'd have to we'll link to that too, because it was absolutely hilarious. But I went into this mode and I thought I absolutely bombed, and I'm like You blacked out. I I thought, oh my god, I embarrassed the company, it was horrible, and got home, watch it with your mom, and she looked, she kind of had this this head jerk, and she's like, Who is that? Um because you and I even so I looked at myself and I'm like, wow, I actually did pretty good. Um and it's funny because they were starving for content. It was like on a you know PBS channel, but they must have aired that thing like 200 times. So I'd have people call me left and right over like two years and say, Hey, I just saw you on TV. Um that's a long story to say, yeah, we we we almost go into a clinical mode uh in the middle of a podcast, even though we talk about you know deep topics at times because cancer is deep. Um it hasn't really gone to I mean, we're not we don't have the emotions that we'd have, you know, on the sofa without the microphone and the camera.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, absolutely. Also, thank you for sharing that story. I you definitely told me that before because something advice that you always give me, no in if it's in an interview setting or a presentation at work, you always say, Well, you probably did a lot better than you think you did. And it it that comes from that that story that you shared.
SPEAKER_01So um I have it somewhere on VHS.
SPEAKER_04You need to find it, because I don't think I've seen it.
SPEAKER_01It is hilarious. Of course, I probably have just like giant hair, giant glasses.
SPEAKER_04Well, when was it? Like 1985?
SPEAKER_01It was no, it wasn't in the 80s, it was probably early 90s.
SPEAKER_04Oh nice. I would love to see that. Yeah. We have to find it.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, but it is funny because I I completely thought I bombed, and I'm like, wow. Um but that's kind of where we've gone, and no, we haven't cried yet, but should that should that occur kind of like a cuss jar, we have to contribute contribute to the cry jar.
SPEAKER_04Contribute to the cry jar. Well, it is there, if if that does happen. And I don't know, it tears might come out today. I don't know, we'll see. But I did want to just touch on something that I chatted about with my therapist that I thought was super interesting. And before I get into the meat and potatoes of that therapy session, I did just want to let people know, our listeners, that therapy is for everyone. Therapy works. You go to the doctor for like your physical health and exercising and taking care of your mental health is equally as important. And so I did just want to say that if you are struggling, it's okay to ask for help and it's okay to reach out for someone, out to someone. So I just wanted to say that.
SPEAKER_01Well, the gym and yoga and Pilates can help with your body and some of your mental health, but it doesn't complete the, you know, the the therapy component of actually talking to someone.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, well, and I also think it's nice to talk to one, a professional, but two, someone who like has no personal stake in your life whatsoever. Of course, like you can always lean on your parents, your friends, and um, etc. But I think actually like being able to talk to someone who doesn't know anyone in your life, they just know you, and their whole entire goal and objective is to help you as an individual is pretty cool. Um, so I actually get my therapy provided through this platform called Saundermind. I believe they're actually founded in Colorado, but it's all virtual. Um so it's super convenient, accessible for myself personally. I've been going to therapy on and off for about, I think, 10 years. Um, but most recently I do go about once a month. Um, but I think something that that came up during that session is the the topic of going out into a large social situation for me can be really difficult at times because the small talk is always what's new with you? What's going on in your life? And I think that's a really hard question for me to address sometimes because I'm such a very like deep and open person, but I don't want to like open up with, well, my dad has cancer, and like so do you have building anxiety before you go to those settings? A little bit.
SPEAKER_01Because I can really I can relate. I know I know my wife can. I know she recently didn't go to an event because she didn't want to face all the questions, and that's that's fair. Yeah, well some days you're not in the mood to because honestly, she gets more questions than I do because people are I'm like this, you know, fragile piece of crystal on the shelf that they don't want to break, so they go to her and they ask her all the questions.
SPEAKER_04So she gets the the brunt of the brunt of that. Yeah, I feel similarly in that I think people who know, anyways, are like walking around eggshells with me a little bit, but they also don't know what to say. They, of course, they ask, you know, how's your family doing? How's your dad doing? But it's again when you're in a small talk situation, like what's happening and what we're experiencing in our life is a very deep and sad thing. And so it's like, how do you like have that small talk or whatever?
SPEAKER_01So, what advice did he give you?
SPEAKER_04Well, first my therapist is a woman, woman. So I'll start there.
SPEAKER_00What advice did they then give you?
SPEAKER_04Well, essentially, she was explaining, you know, that's what I'm saying.
SPEAKER_01Can I pause you just for a second for the video? Listening audience, um, I woke up with a sore pelvis, which is part of where the prostate cancer is spread to bone, and I'm getting I'm getting cozy on the sofa. Um, and I was like in an awkward position. So anyway, oversharing. No, um well But they're probably like what is he doing? And I'm like, I'm trying to get comfortable.
SPEAKER_04Get cozy. This is yeah, that's important. Um well it it wasn't like a flat out piece of advice right away, but she essentially was like, Well, would you rather have people not ask you at all on the alternative? And I was like, Well, not really, but I personally prefer quality time with my friends, like going out to coffee, going for a walk, like really like that one-on-one connection versus like very surface level things. Um, but then also just you know, kind of rehearsing what you're gonna say ahead of time can also be helpful, just so you're kind of prepared and like going into an event, just telling your nervous system and your body, like, hey, you might be getting these types of questions, like it's okay. And also those people who are asking, they're they're just trying to be nice, they're just trying to show support.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, I mean, we talked about it last week uh in you know, uh mainly from my perspective of how to have that awkward cancer conversation, and we the preface was 100%, 999% of people are are well intentioned, and you know, but some people are on the continuum of kind of awkward and don't know what to say.
SPEAKER_04Mm-hmm. Well, and then we kind of in my therapy session got into some nitty-gritty about it with well, my therapist was asking, you know, well, what do you say? And are you like putting on this like strong front? And I was like, Well, of course I am. Like, that's just in my nature as a human being. I always present myself like I have it together, I'm a strong person. This isn't affecting me at all, and I think that's also kind of common.
SPEAKER_01More in a a small group to large group setting, right? But I'm sure you show more vulnerability with your good friends in a phone conversation as an example.
SPEAKER_04Well, you know, you would think so, but I think lately I and like with my close friends, yes, but like I haven't been like allowing myself to feel sadness. I've been if you think about the movie Inside Out, you've seen that movie, right? Where you know you have your the emotions in your head, it's like sadness has just been like put in a broom closet and like she's not allowed to come out. Right, but that's not really healthy either. You need to allow yourself to feel these emotions, and instead of at a party, if someone's like, How's it going? And if you're feeling sad, like it's okay to say that. Um, and allow yourself to again feel the emotions that you're feeling, and like it's really interesting that earlier you talked about happiness and the state of being happy, and it's like, well, no one is ever a hundred and twenty percent happy, like your emotions in your body You can't you can't pre you can't pretend or make yourself happy. You can do things to create happiness and right, but it's like happiness, sadness and no, but sad and happiness coexist at the same time, and that's what my therapist has been teaching me. Like you can be sad, but you can also be happy. It doesn't have to be one over the other.
SPEAKER_01Right.
SPEAKER_04But I think for me, like something that I'm working on is kind of working through my oldest daughter syndrome. Have you have you heard of this term before?
SPEAKER_01I know those words in the sequence. I'm not sure I know what. Is this the um you assume a role of a third parent?
SPEAKER_04Kind of. Um, I have a definition here because I didn't want to get it wrong. Well, also, who knows? This is from Google AI overview, so let's see how credible this is.
SPEAKER_01But Grok Grok is never wrong.
SPEAKER_04Um, eldest daughter syndrome refers to the unique pressures and responsibilities often placed on the older daughter, oldest daughter in the family, leading to feelings of anxiety, perfectionism, and emotional exhaustion. Um, it's not an official diagnosis, but a popular term describing a common experience among firstborn daughters. These daughters often take on a caretaking role, act as role models, and feel a heightened sense of responsibility for their siblings and family.
SPEAKER_00I could see that with you. I could see it with a couple of your oldest cousins.
SPEAKER_04Yes. It's and I don't And that's not a bad thing. Well, you know, necessarily it can be from the sense of if you don't have boundaries for yourself, it can be a little bit exhausting. But I've actually talked about this with my friends because several of us are the eldest daughters, and we often feel like it's our responsibility to step up. It's our responsibility to be s be the strongest.
SPEAKER_01Does that mean you're bossy too?
SPEAKER_04I don't I don't know. I mean, Colin probably begged to differ on that one, but not necessarily bossy.
SPEAKER_01Well we don't we don't need to dive on that one.
SPEAKER_04No, but um I can be, I can be bossy, for sure. But my point being, and like with all of like this, you know, my therapy session and people even asking me, like, well, I I just want to make sure you're happy, and then me battling internally with the eldest daughter syndrome, you know, that I'm feeling. Um, it's I don't have to be strong all the time. I'm allowed, I'm allowed to feel my emotions, and I need to create space to that allows me to feel those emotions. If I'm not having a good day, it's okay to be sad, it's okay to cry, it's okay to reschedule a dinner. Now, on the other hand, you know, I ob obviously want to live my life, but I think I have a lot of very strong polarizing emotions that people my age aren't feeling because they're not in this position. But at the end of, you know, the day, that that was really it. Just recognizing myself and my emotions, and you know, it's okay.
SPEAKER_01Well, it sounds like a great therapist.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, she's great. Her name is Michaela. I love her. Thank you, Michaela. Yes. So just wanted to share, and yeah, therapy is great.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I I have a uh therapist, we've touched on that. Um, you know, I I I use a bit of an auto mechanic uh approach.
SPEAKER_01Some of it's maintenance. Um, some of it is calling when, you know, there's a event or heightened anxiety. But uh I I'm a big believer in therapy, and you know, everything you said makes sense. It is it it is a delicate balance because I've got some people very close to me that have never asked me how I'm doing or any questions about treatment or cancer, and I find that very weird, but my my wife centers me, and I think the other thing is you can't be disappointed when you expect certain reactions that don't happen. Because you're kind of setting yourself up for failure, right?
SPEAKER_04Right. You can't control other people's reactions or what they do or etc. Which is really hard to wrap your mind around sometimes, especially for me who's like a super controlling person, I would say sometimes.
SPEAKER_03Right.
SPEAKER_04But it the the power of asking, hey, how are you doing, is very, very powerful because anyone who is struggling, like just talking about it or just knowing that that person cares, it can go a long way.
SPEAKER_01Right. So the um it did make me think of a social situation in that I had my 45-year high school reunion a couple of weeks ago, and first off, let me point out, you know, this summer, as we talked about in Purple Delight episode, um, has been a ton of bed and sofa time, you know, but I try and find when I have micro bursts of not feeling as bad as I normally do. Because I I never am like symptom free. Um, there are no good days, there are days that are better than others. Um this happened to be on a day when I felt like crap, and but I knew there was people that I m honestly may never see again. And there was a you know, a classmate that moved back to Denver that's been all over Facebook and getting, you know, wanting me to show up. And um he's Clayton is a friend that in grade school I found the stickers in the garage. Um older brother Tommy had these STP stickers, which was a type of oil, and he stickered into an entire car, uh, which I'm surprised that your stepdad um or grandpa uh stepgrandfather, stepgrandfat my stepdad, uh your grandpa Bob uh would have allowed that. Um but I found all these stickers in the trash, and being a young entreprene entrepreneur that I was, I took them to school and Clayton and I sold them. And we made like we made like 40 bucks on it. So we laughed about we laughed about that story, but um I felt like shit. I didn't want to go, but m uh one of my best friends from high school who lives up in Fort Collins offered to drive down and take me. And there were benches under a cabana, so I mean I can sit there as easily as sitting at home, but I felt it was an opportunity that I knew I would pay for it. Um, but I'm glad I went. I mean, I had an hour and a half of talking to old classmates, a couple of them were in my fraternity in college, so it was you know, retelling old stories and uh the the uh the girl I took to continuation um in ninth grade, and somebody says, What's continuation? Like, well, it's when you continue from at that time junior high was through grade nine.
SPEAKER_04Oh, high school.
SPEAKER_01Continuation to to high school.
SPEAKER_04That wasn't an awkward age period.
SPEAKER_01Oh my god. Oh, I the I she runs up to me and I I I sure wish that we were as comfortable at the reunion that we were on that night. I was terrified of that evening, and we joked about that. Um and the humiliating part is I think my mom was bridge partners with her mom. She may have actually brokered the date because I was like terrified of girls, and and I think this may have been an arranged so but anyway, it was an arranged it was it was an absolute delight. She'd moved to New Hampshire. I haven't seen her in 40 years.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, that's what you were saying.
SPEAKER_01Um, yeah, but you know, the you know, so that's finding light and darkness, but I did pay for it because I I crashed hard on Sunday and I spent four days in bed.
SPEAKER_04I know.
SPEAKER_01It it just absolutely killed me.
SPEAKER_04So Well, and I I did want to recognize I'm proud of you for pushing yourself in situations like that. Like you weren't having a good day, but going to the reunion, like once you got there, I know you had fun, and I'm it sucks that like you had to pay for that because you know your energy is being exhausted at an event like that. But I'm glad that you went and were able to see those people.
SPEAKER_01You know, and you know, I guess part of the reason for bringing that up is you you talked about the anxiety and how you manage a large social situation. And honestly, it wasn't as bad as I thought because I joked with Dave on the way down, like, how many times are we gonna get the cancer conversation? And because I was more prepared, perhaps, it wasn't so awkward, and a lot of people were just obviously genuinely interested.
SPEAKER_00Um, some had listened to the podcast, commented on the podcast, or I promoted the podcast. I'm like, hey, if you want to keep in touch with my you know cancer journey, you know, go to Butterfly Pavilion Podcast.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, no, and I I we've also talked about a little bit how it's kind of fun and interesting to go into a social social situation where you don't know anyone because it's almost like, wow, I can talk about anything I want. I'm not gonna get any awkward questions about cancer or you know, so it's kind of fun. Now, granted, I'm I'm not one to like these days go out to like all of these parties with people I don't know. Like, that's just not really my lifestyle. Um, but even just spreading kindness to I went to go pick up a gift for my stepdad this morning at this little gift shop around here, Deterra Home. And I was talking to the woman in there this morning who it was opening up shop.
SPEAKER_01And well, it's a great, great little gift shop.
SPEAKER_04It's a great little gift shop, but also just striking up random conversations with strangers and just spreading kindness.
SPEAKER_01Investors could be you. They could be a sponsor, right?
SPEAKER_04You know, hey, we'll we'll tag them.
SPEAKER_01And now a word from our sponsor silence.
SPEAKER_04Enter in plug for could be you. Could be you. Um, anyways, but we're all no, I was just I was buying that gift. It's just nice to talk to people that you don't know sometimes and just adding some kindness to their day. And I just had a really nice small interaction this morning.
SPEAKER_01So for me, it's very rare. Um, because we don't get out a lot. Um, you know, because it's kind of been a sedentary summer. Um well, I've had a sedentary five years.
SPEAKER_04What's a sedentary?
SPEAKER_01Sedentary is you're not active.
SPEAKER_04I literally I thought you said sed and territory.
SPEAKER_01Territory. Oh, sedentary.
SPEAKER_04S E like these people.
SPEAKER_01I N T A R Y.
SPEAKER_04Okay, learn something new every day.
SPEAKER_01Um anyway, I had one, and of course I'm also because I Franzi cracks it up because I'm like that progressive dad, you know, um uh you're becoming your parent in the progressive commercial. Um, because I meet someone and I want to have a full-on conversation because I'm like I've been locked up in the home and I'm craving, you know, adult conversation. But one such conversation, they're like, oh, so what do you do for a living? I'm retired because I didn't, you know, strange. I don't want to hate that question. Yeah. Uh but it's kind of my canned standard answer, and they go, Oh, that's nice.
SPEAKER_04In inside my head, I'm like, not really.
SPEAKER_01And I kind of leave it at that.
SPEAKER_04But well, that's a good answer for a situation like that.
SPEAKER_01But then they, you know, if they if they dive into yeah, one or two more questions and cancer inevitably comes up.
SPEAKER_04Maybe next time you could just plug in like I'm a a professional clown full-time. Or just a complete joke.
SPEAKER_01What are you saying about me? You're saying I'm a clown? That was the first thing that came to her mind.
SPEAKER_04Um I don't know, like it's something funny.
SPEAKER_01Anyway, uh bottom line, therapy good, right?
SPEAKER_04Yes, bottom line, the therapy good. Feeling your emotions is good. Allowing yourself to feel things is good, even though they're hard sometimes. But that's okay. Hard times equals growth.
SPEAKER_01Yes.
SPEAKER_04Period. Okay, segue.
SPEAKER_01Chapter three.
SPEAKER_04Chapter three. I wanted to ask just to hear some of your favorite memories of me as your daughter. Not to be self-centered, but I'm like genuinely curious of the you know 30 years that I've been alive. What are some of the favorite memories you have of me in different time periods?
SPEAKER_01What's a challenge? Because we're supposed to keep these under an hour, right?
SPEAKER_04I know, what's the one?
SPEAKER_01Not quite an hour ginger power.
SPEAKER_04I know, what's our timestamp right now?
SPEAKER_01Oh, I don't know. I don't care. Um, yeah, I you did give me a heads up on this because I could have had like not that I don't have a voluminous um cacophony. God, I'm throwing out big words today.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, another word I have no idea of the definition.
SPEAKER_01Memories. Um, but I I did put some thought into that. So it's it's hard to break down the the uh timeline from baby to toddler to teen to young adult, but I had a few. Okay. Um I'm excited. As a as a baby, um, and this was largely influenced by your mom, you were always in a dress. You were girly girl. And um I remember just vividly when we were living on Blue Sage, you're in a dress, and we happened to be on the front porch, and you put your hand down on the porch, the wooden porch, and it happened to be dusty, and you turned your hand around and had this ew look on your face. Um, but it was such a Nicky thing and a gir it typified you at that age because you were just, oh my god, I got dirt on my hands, and why is this porch so dirty? Um, but the expression on your face was just hilarious.
SPEAKER_04And how old was I?
SPEAKER_01Oh, you were t you were tiny then. I mean, you were three or four.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I would say that to this day that's still pretty accurate. I'm very much girl and girl.
SPEAKER_01You can sw you can swing you today. You look a little tomboyish.
SPEAKER_04Well, I'm trying to be casual.
SPEAKER_01It would be weird if you're like, you've got jean shorts and your psychedelic concert t-shirt.
SPEAKER_03Indeed.
SPEAKER_01But you you do Electric Forest. Electric Forest. Um The other one, slightly older, same home. Um you're gonna have to look at Benny Hill. When when my when my step one of the shows that my stepdad used to love to watch was Benny Hill, which was um quite often very inappropriate, which is like I which is part of why I like to watch it, because you know, there there were some risque, you know, girls in bikinis or whatever. Um, but he had this little sidekick who happened to be bald, and he was always slapping him on the head. Like, and like if a fly would land on his head, he would, you know, swat this little guy's head. And why I'm bringing up Benny Hill is there I was mowing a lawn, and you happened to be coming up the side of the house. I was bringing a lawn mower up the side of the house, and I saw a wasp, I called it a hornet, going into the railroad ties, and like an idiot, like Benny Hill slapping the fly on this little bald guy's head, I stomped on the wasp, and 40 of them flew out. They didn't attack me, you were in a t-shirt dress, they attacked you. So there was mayhem, your mom was in the garage, I was in the garage. We're trying to um get the you know, make sure these these because I think they'd flown up your dress.
SPEAKER_04They did.
SPEAKER_01They did. And, you know, I'm trying to rectify, of course, I'm feeling like an idiot, you know, that I that I slapped Benny this Benny Hill sidekick's head. But what kind of idiot swats a hornet nest or a wasp nest?
SPEAKER_04Well, I'm sure you haven't made that same mistake twice.
SPEAKER_01And you said, and you were half crying, and you said, Don't step on the horns, Daddy. Um so that was just a very cute memory. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Cute, cute, me getting attacked by 50 hornets, wasps.
SPEAKER_01The your your your re your little statement of don't don't stump on the horns, daddy. That's was cute.
SPEAKER_04You know, I'm actually surprised I don't have more fear of them.
SPEAKER_01Like you do with birds, like we talked in Purple Delight.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I I can handle the hornets for some reason.
SPEAKER_01You hand you handle it.
SPEAKER_04Well, I'm here still. So if you get attacked by 40 hornets, just know it's gonna be okay.
SPEAKER_01Are they hornets or wasps? I think they're wasps.
SPEAKER_04I think I'm just ingrained to say hornets, basically.
SPEAKER_01Is that like alligator crocodile?
SPEAKER_04Sure.
SPEAKER_01They're they're similar. Um so toddler to young girl. Um, I don't know. I I I had a couple written down. Um, one was when we were living at the apartment, or dad was living at the apartment. You'd come over for the weekends. I told this at your 30th birthday party, but I think it's poignant and it just says a lot about who you are as a person. And we'd gone to the grocery store, and I see a tree that its bark had been stripped off, and I get upset and I'm like, gosh, who did that? You know, that that that's the tree's skin. You know, without the skin, that tree will die. I left it at that, and I'm halfway in the door and with your brother, and I'm like, where's Nikki? And you're over there hugging the tree. And there's of course all kinds of metaphors, but I think with my that what it said about you at the time, and I think this is still true today, is that you're such a caring person. Um 90% of that is 99% of that is amazing. The downside of that is you're a caring person, so double-edged sword. You'll double-edged sword, so you'll have nights when you know dad's having a bad day, and I'm sure you hang up the phone and you're sad, you cry, all those emotions because you care. Um you know, so uh I think the tree hugging story is is one of my favorites. Um Disney Cruise is the second one.
SPEAKER_02Disney Cruise.
SPEAKER_01I was Disney dad, meaning that, you know, uh nothing against my dad, but I I I wanted to learn from being a divorced kid where we went over to my dad's and it was five hours. You know, we had no connection really. You know, my my dad's stepmom loved me, and there were there were definitely great times, great memories, but it didn't feel like my home. Um so you had your bedrooms, you had duplicates of everything, you had clothes, etc. And I tried. To be Disneyland dad, you know, and that I wanted you to have fun when you came over to dad's, and and we uh this was very early around the time of the divorce. We went on a Disney cruise, just you, me, and Jesse.
SPEAKER_03And it was so fun.
SPEAKER_01It was an it's an amazing multi-generational. I I only did it once, but multi-generational in that then ESPN zone in on the ship. I saw grandparents down to toddlers. Jesse loved it because there was this Disney lab, which was basically Disney cartoons playing 24-7, you know, with other kids. And I think there were there were games and his eyes got like saucers going into that, and you went there as well. But there were, you know, um, I think it was like the second, perhaps the second night, and we were planning to go to dinner and and there was some activity, and I could tell that you were almost reticent to go because you didn't want to leave dad alone. And I'm like, I'll be fine, I'll sit there.
SPEAKER_04Dad's like, I'm gonna go over to the bar.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, there's an ESPN zone that has cold football, uh cold beer and football, not cold football. Um, but you were worried about my feelings and you thought I was gonna be lonely, so you don't want to leave me alone, but you reluctantly went off with this playgroup. So I went over to pick you up and you were having a blast, and you were like, Dad, can I just stay, you know, a little bit longer? And I'm like, absolutely. Um, but it was I th I hope you had a blast. One day, we were one afternoon, we were at Castaway Island, was it?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I think so.
SPEAKER_01Um Disney had their own island. Um, you know. Uh I think that day you went on a treasure hunt and dad laid on the beach.
SPEAKER_04Uh yeah, it was a really fun cruise. And I do remember like the groups, like they have and I don't know if this is still how they do it, but like different age groups, and like you could go and like drop me off, and I wasn't even with Jesse, I think, because I'm a little bit older, but I was they were age group. Yeah, age group oriented, but it was a super fun experience, and dad's house was always fun, always.
SPEAKER_01Um, but fond memories of the the Disney cruise. Uh you know, young adult, um, and quasi more recent was our trip to Italy. Uh Franzi would always plan great trips. Yes, um, we got to go to Italy, we got to go to London. Um, but the trip to Italy was special and that you were young adults, so we could do young adult things and swimming in the was it the Mediterranean, or do we ever figure out what body of water that was?
SPEAKER_04You're asking me a geography question.
SPEAKER_01Anyway, there's a video. There's a video we should also link to the video because I'm doing an interview with my underwater GoPro camera, and I was doing shark noises or s or dolphin noises under the water, and then I started singing, you know, or singing the Jaws uh uh tune. Um, we went and had a cooking class in Florence.
SPEAKER_02Yes.
SPEAKER_01Um, we pivoted between Luca and Barga, and I always I need Franzi in here to correct me. Um, one was smaller than the other. I think we stayed up on the hill at a Renaissance. Um, we'd go down the hill to the train to go from Luca to Barga or vice versa. Um but anyway, in the smaller town down the hill on a Saturday night, there was this little bar, but everybody in town came out to what essentially was like a median on the road, but they had a band that was doing like Beatles tunes or something. Um that was the night that the the the older woman uh gave your brother Jesse a hickey. Do you remember that? No.
SPEAKER_04I blocked that out of my memory, apparently.
SPEAKER_01Well, I I saw it at the pool the following day, and I'm like, what's that what's that on your neck? And he's like, Yeah, that lady on the dance floor last night.
SPEAKER_04I'm like, ew, prep it.
SPEAKER_01Vomit vomit vomitorium. I think I think he thought she thought he was a young Italian boy. That's probably why that why that happened.
SPEAKER_04Um I did want to chime in that yes, we were swimming in Sincterre, and it was it is part of the Mediterranean Sea.
SPEAKER_01So that is the ocean that we went to Sincterre, but was that where we swam?
SPEAKER_04Because it was a different thing. It was because it's gorgeous.
SPEAKER_01Sincter is gorgeous. And but the cooking class that Franzi if you ever go to any city in Europe, Franzi knows how to plan a trip. She's amazing.
SPEAKER_04She knows how to plan a trip anywhere.
SPEAKER_01Why true. It could be in the US, it could be to Fort Collins, could be the best of the best. Plan a trip. But we went on a cooking class. We met this guy in the village and we shopped for part of what was going to be the meal that day. And we didn't know where we were going, but it happened to be his home, which is this gorgeous home. And we were there for like four or five hours.
SPEAKER_04Oh yeah, we were cooking.
SPEAKER_01What did we what did you think?
SPEAKER_04Um, I know we cooked a risotto.
SPEAKER_01A risotto.
SPEAKER_04It was I think it was like this mushroom, creamy risotto, and then we also like cooked but we've we cooked a full four-course meal.
SPEAKER_01The best part is there was um no shortage of wine while we were cooking. There was a lot of wine consumed. Me, between wine and Aperol spritz on that trip, it was No, but I I also got reprimanded because racism doesn't have to be necessarily against the obvious races in in our country here in the Oz. Um and Finch has finally entered the building.
SPEAKER_04Or production assistant.
SPEAKER_01Production assistant. He wants to come up on the sofa. Yeah. Um, but throughout that trip, I was doing we stayed in Barga and we took the train to Luca.
SPEAKER_03We had it.
SPEAKER_01Franzi corrected me. So do you remember when we had the cab, we were going, maybe it was the day we were going to Luca for the class.
SPEAKER_04For the cooking class.
SPEAKER_01For the cooking class. Cab shows up, and there were five of us, and the cab could only seat four.
SPEAKER_04Oh, and he was not having.
SPEAKER_01He was he was vehement that he could only seat four, even though Franzi made a reservation for five, although I think I may have screwed that up.
SPEAKER_04I I don't think so. And it was also very early in the morning.
SPEAKER_01It was early in the morning. So we had to make a snap decision because we had to catch a train or we would miss this class.
SPEAKER_04Yes, because the train only left at one time. Right at the day.
SPEAKER_01So I said you guys go. Because they're, you know, Franzi knew where this class was. She had the tickets, da-da-da-da. And I wanted you three kids to go. Finch is listening very intently, saying, Why didn't I get to go to Italy? Florence. Um, so I say, you guys go. And with the idea of calling another cab, anyway, he takes you to the train station. He's coming back up the hill to pick me up, and I'm doing the math. I'm gonna miss this train on when it departs. So I was very heavy into running at that time, you know, seeking Boston, da da da. So I'm like, well, it's a tiny road. I'm just gonna start running down the road, and that's gonna save time. Well, that wound up make meaning I made the trip and made the cooking class because he picks me up, he drops me off the train station, I literally run into the train and the doors close.
SPEAKER_04It was like a movie.
SPEAKER_01It was like a movie. Um, but A A was a team player, B I was a good runner, and C smart decision making while traveling. Um Well, that reminds me. But that was a great memory as a young adult. We also I'm sorry, it reminds you.
SPEAKER_04It's dad just caught himself. It's okay. Um, that reminds me of also on that same trip. Franzi and I were we were traveling from, I think, Florence to Luca or wherever we were.
SPEAKER_01Barga to Luca.
SPEAKER_04Yes. And um Franzi and I were like.
SPEAKER_01Both towns had very redeeming qualities.
SPEAKER_04We're gonna go like shop around while the guys or the boys, so aka Dad, Keenan, and Jesse went back to the hotel to get our bags, and they're like, we'll just meet you at the train station. Um, open container laws um are not a thing in Italy, and Franzi and I definitely had a few. Um, I did just graduate from college. This was a part of my graduation present, which was very, very um generous of my parents. Um, but we like are in this train station in Europe. Franzi and I are just like having a blast. We would go into this bar, we like get some chocolate, and then meanwhile, you guys are freaking out. You have all of our luggage, you're in the train station, you can't.
SPEAKER_01Once again, there's a train getting ready to depart.
SPEAKER_04Train getting ready to depart.
SPEAKER_01We were having a hard time communicating.
SPEAKER_04Because you didn't buy Franzi a phone plan in Europe, so she like literally couldn't communicate with you.
SPEAKER_01Oh, because dad was trying to save some some Euros.
SPEAKER_04Apparently. I I don't know about that, but it was so funny because the you when you finally find us, you were like, where did you Okay, production assistant is moving.
SPEAKER_01He's moving up to his favorite spot.
SPEAKER_04It was just so funny because you guys were pissed at us. But me and Franzi are like just chilling.
SPEAKER_01Oh yeah, you were wine relaxed.
SPEAKER_04Well, yeah, but it was Italian wine relaxed. It was a really special time. I had so much fun with Franzi. All throughout that trip, but also during that time, and then you guys were just really mad at us. But anyways, yeah, that was a wonderful trip.
SPEAKER_01Well, we've got a couple of segments to to go here. Um, there was also the trip we took you by yourself to New York City.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_01Oh, it turns to each kid got a trip, which was uh uh something my mom did with us kids, where he, you know, at least one time took us on a trip by ourselves, which um I wanted to do. And Keenan got to go to New York, Jesse got to go to Boston, you did New York, and um have great pictures and great memories of of Nikki and Manhattan.
SPEAKER_04Um I love Manhattan. Manhattan or nothing.
SPEAKER_01And that was your first time in New York, right?
SPEAKER_04It was.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04It was super special.
SPEAKER_01Central Park, Washington S Washington Square.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you took me to a jazz club.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, you you actually a couple places got adult beverages, did you not?
SPEAKER_04I think a few. And I I wasn't really into drinking alcohol at that time. I mean, I was I think 17 or it was for yeah, I mean it But regardless, I was like, oh my gosh. I got sorted why?
SPEAKER_01I got sorted. Anyway, um grand memories um obviously of you throughout and as a 30-year-old moving three and a half blocks away, which you talked about the last two episodes. Just amazing because you're over here often to see dad, and sometimes I'm asleep and sometimes I'm falling asleep, um, or you give Finch a walk, but uh it's extra special to have that that time with you.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I know I feel the same. We love it. The neighborhood's been great.
SPEAKER_00So Segway, SegU.
SPEAKER_04Seguew.
SPEAKER_00Um next chapter. Chapter Which is you.
SPEAKER_01Page page four.
SPEAKER_04Well, do you want to talk a little bit about page four?
SPEAKER_01So page four is health update, and I'll keep it real short this week because last week was voluminous. Um bottom line is we didn't do the Merc trial. Good news is my PSA dropped yet again after the Purple Delight filming episode. And PSA going down is a very good thing, and as Erin um Erin's amazing. Um, I've got she's she's uh PA, although she seems every bit as knowledgeable as my primary oncologist, Dr. Eiley, um, both at C U Anchutes and UC Health. Um, you know, but on the low end, you know, if they say I had two years to live, that was a year and a half ago. If I can go an entire quarter with a low PSA, you know, you want to bank as as much of that as you can, and um it's not it's not common um because I actually went off Zitiga, which was the hormone deprivation drug, which is that dinosaur's food that we talked about in the last episode, the idea being to keep the testosterone down, and that's what the hormone deprivation drugs do. Um and it's counterintuitive, but the the you know the the the PSA actually went down. So I will see her again the end of August. Uh I don't know when we'll release this episode. Um, you know, but I would, you know, it's odd that we would consider it good news. Uh we don't know what the next you know treatment is. Um we're in a bit of a hold pattern, in that the only treatment I'm on right now are the quarterly shots. Which is a little scary because it's almost like you gotta wait for something bad to go wrong before you, you know, I want to play offense and not defense. Um you know, Pluvicto, which I've talked about as an option, um, that'll be cer certainly something we talk about in the next episode. So uh this is, as I said, in Purple Delight, it's not remission. I will never go in remission, I will never be healed because it is stage four cancer. Um, you know, but for the time it, you know, we'll take that good news.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I agree. It's finding light and darkness.
SPEAKER_01Yeah.
SPEAKER_04Good update. And yeah, we're anytime we have a health update for dad slash Ty, um, we're calling it the page four update. Kind of a play on stage four, but just wanted to introduce that. So, well, are we ready for my surprise?
SPEAKER_01I I've been told there's a surprise. Well Because I surprised you with movie quotes last week.
SPEAKER_04Yes, so you surprised me last week. Or we keep saying last week we did not film last week. Last episode, whatever.
SPEAKER_01Um We're kind of doing monthly drops.
SPEAKER_04But yeah, we're on a monthly cadence right now, which I think is pretty.
SPEAKER_01I'm a little scared because she's pulled up a full page of something.
SPEAKER_04Well, you didn't you ran out of paper. So this is.
SPEAKER_01No, but you I see what you printed out.
SPEAKER_04Alright, so we are surprising dad with slang terms across the internet. I did want to do that trend where I have to have like water in my mouth and you have to say them and we joke about it, but like we have all the art technology and computers here, so well you could face another direction, but I I didn't want to, you know, get water all over the house.
SPEAKER_01But so is this kind of like ice spraying um well, this is more of a phrase, but r this week when I was describing the current stage of my cancer and that you know, if you can get a good quarter uh of health, um, I said, I'm I'm playing with house money.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_01And you were like, what is that?
SPEAKER_04I had no idea what you were saying.
SPEAKER_01Well, it's a Vegas term, and once you have have some winnings at that point, you were playing with their money. So my point was, hey, at this point, you know, any any life experiences I gain at this point, you know, because I've had a very full life, I you know, I still want to live a lot longer and have more experiences, but you know, I've there are days where I feel like I'm playing with house money. So that was what I thought. So um I'm supposed to what?
SPEAKER_04So you're supposed to read the term and then you're supposed to guess what it means.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Um, can I start?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, you can start.
SPEAKER_01Alright, so the first one is this a typo? It says ONG. I know what OMG is, because OMG is oh my god.
SPEAKER_04Okay, so what do you think ONG means?
SPEAKER_01Um oh no gosh. Oh no gosh.
SPEAKER_04Okay, kind of close, but it's like O God. Like I swear to God. On God.
SPEAKER_01On God?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, I think so. Alright, next one.
SPEAKER_01Okay, next one. Hits different. Um, should I use it in a sentence? Um that coffee hits different.
SPEAKER_04Okay, so do you like know do you know what it means?
SPEAKER_01Um hits different is is good or is it bad?
SPEAKER_04You tell me.
SPEAKER_01I I would say good.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, like lands differently than usual. So like, oh, like that coffee hits different.
SPEAKER_01Oh, like not what you expect?
SPEAKER_04Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Well, I I was close. You were close on that one. I was close. Okay. Eight. Is it not the number eight? Or is that supposed to be A T E?
SPEAKER_04What does it say?
SPEAKER_01It's I can't remember what capital A T E.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Um, I ate something.
SPEAKER_04Any other guesses?
SPEAKER_01I'm so mad at you, I ate you.
SPEAKER_04No.
SPEAKER_01No?
SPEAKER_04Eight is like, oh like she ate. Like complimentary, like she not quite a 10, but she ate. Kind of. Let me see what the actual definition is on this list that I found. But you're you're on the right track. Hold on. Of course, I I put that one on there and I don't even know the true definition.
SPEAKER_01I don't know why I'm like, I don't know why I'm like channeling a white, a bad white rapper when I'm using these, but she did something exceptionally well.
SPEAKER_04Like she performed brilliantly impressed or exceeded expectations. Like it'd be like, Dad, you ate that podcast episode.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Never heard that one before. Um next one is Yessify. Um I'm drawing a complete blank on this one. Finch, what what are you Production Assistant? Yes if I um I don't know, you should Yessify her.
unknownOkay, cool.
SPEAKER_04Kind of close. A dramatic makeover or to apply several beauty filters to a picture until the person is totally unrecognizable.
SPEAKER_01Oh, like when you put like those what looks like 40 layers of makeup and like caddiers. Oh, I don't I'm not big on the the heavy Yasovai.
SPEAKER_04I'm not either, to be honest.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um cap.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_01Um, I'm gonna cap his ass.
SPEAKER_04I feel like that could be actually a different definition of the word, but like Because I thought that was like I'm gonna shoot you, like with a gun. Um maybe, but in this day and age, cap is like a something fake or a lie. So like Okay, so nowhere close. Nowhere close. Like you're capping, that's a lie.
SPEAKER_01You were being nice. I've my gun thing was way off.
SPEAKER_04Or if you say like no cap, that means like I'm not lying, like for real. Okay, I need I love you, dad, no cap.
SPEAKER_01For time purposes, we'll move on, but I will need you more more examples of cap because I'm I'm still not clear on that one. Cringe. I think I know this one. Uh in that that's cringey. Like you, you like ooh, that's like Franzi thinks guys who wear don't wear shirts at a football game and get on TV, that's cringe.
SPEAKER_04I would agree with Franzi's opinion of that.
SPEAKER_01Okay.
SPEAKER_04Or to describe embarrassing or awkward behavior like cringe. Okay, well, I know that one.
SPEAKER_01I've got one out of seven. Um Choogie? Am I pronouncing that right?
SPEAKER_04Choogie.
SPEAKER_01Choogie. That girl and that skirt looks chuggy.
SPEAKER_04Okay. Give me some props for that, but like something that's out of date or a person who's trying too hard. But this also goes back to like Well, it could be Okay, well, it's close. I don't think I'd fully think it's kind of I was in the neighborhood. You were in the neighborhood of that, but like it's definitely geared towards millennials and very specific trends and things that they like.
SPEAKER_01It would be they wore something questionable.
SPEAKER_04Like uh Chevron print is chewy.
SPEAKER_01Okay, I didn't know that chevron print.
SPEAKER_04Or like the color teal is chooggy.
SPEAKER_01Oh.
SPEAKER_04Like things that were popular when I was like in high school or college.
SPEAKER_01I'm glad I didn't wear my teal track.
SPEAKER_04So glad it didn't wear choogy.
SPEAKER_01My teal tracksuit. That would be so chooggy. Um, next one is go off. Um that would be like somebody that like did really well in a performance. You that that guy went you d go off.
SPEAKER_04Yes, you gotta. A phrase had to encourage someone to continue, usually when they're ranting about something. But like, you know, like go off, dad. Like keep going. Good job. It's a positive thing.
SPEAKER_01Okay, well, I would I've been close on a couple.
SPEAKER_04I would give you, you know, um, canon event.
SPEAKER_01That I'm uh assuming that's like a camera. So that would be like a something worthy of like an Instagram photograph. That's a canon event.
SPEAKER_04Um, I I'm like actually, I don't even know what that one means. What is a canon event? Oh, an experience in a person's life that comes to shape or define who they are.
SPEAKER_02Okay, well I'm gonna go.
SPEAKER_04Oh, so like Sydney Sweeney's uh ad with American Eagle, that's a canon event.
SPEAKER_01So it's a defining moment.
SPEAKER_04Correct.
SPEAKER_01Well, I would think her perfor her her breakout performance in euphoria would be more of a canon event.
SPEAKER_04It uh if I think it maybe can go either way, like pause.
SPEAKER_01She can have more than one canon event.
SPEAKER_04I think so, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Next one is Riz.
SPEAKER_04Yes. I think our my cousins downstairs will probably know what that one means.
SPEAKER_01I I'm drawing a complete blank on what Riz.
SPEAKER_04Um She's got Riz, I think.
SPEAKER_01She she got Riz. Like she I words are not coming out of my mouth.
SPEAKER_04Um, so it's actually like a shortened or condensed version of the word charisma. So someone who's charming or has game. Oh, like they got riz.
SPEAKER_01She got riz. Yes. Well, you definitely got riz based on the email that we read earlier. Okay, two more to go. Okay. Sigma. Um I was part of the Alpha Sigma chapter of the Phytaws at Colorado State University.
SPEAKER_04Um, this one I actually don't really know very well, but a male who is popular but is also a loner who separates himself from the crowd. I don't understand how that makes sense.
SPEAKER_01So he's popular and a loner?
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Someone comment down below what that actually is you put ones in here that you don't even understand, so I don't know how I'm supposed to.
SPEAKER_02We're learning.
SPEAKER_01Last one is yeet. Um I don't know how I'm supposed to know what these are. Yeet. I've never used this in a sentence before.
SPEAKER_02Yeet.
unknownEver.
SPEAKER_00We're having so much yeet.
SPEAKER_04It's actually the this definition. A verb that means to throw something. Like yeet.
SPEAKER_01Oh, so when you're tossing a buddy a can of beer, yeet!
unknownYeah.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Well, football season is a part of the.
SPEAKER_04Football season is coming.
SPEAKER_01Because I I toss buddies' beers a lot because I'm at so many parties and I drink so much beer. Both of which are not true. Uh I'm surprised you didn't put thirst trap on there.
SPEAKER_04Well, you know what that one is.
SPEAKER_01I didn't before you guys sprang it on me.
SPEAKER_04Oh, with the Aaron Gordon selfie.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Aaron, well, no, it wasn't a selfie. It was was for his underwear ad.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, it was an underwear ad.
SPEAKER_01And thirst trap is a uh glowing term for someone who is sexually attractive.
SPEAKER_04A thirst trap is a social media post intended to be alluring, often with the goal of attracting attention and eliciting admiration, particularly romantic or sexualist.
SPEAKER_01Okay, so I I think I understand that one. Just like the Sydney Sweeney ad is a bit of a thirst trap. And with racial nuances. The canon of racism. Racism uh nuances.
SPEAKER_04Yes.
SPEAKER_01Um but we don't have time to discuss and debate um Sydney Sweeney. No. Although I think I think they knew exactly what they were doing with that one. Well can't even get into that right now. I think I got maybe eight out of ten of those.
SPEAKER_04Yeah. You mean two out of ten?
SPEAKER_01Yes, I meant two out of ten.
SPEAKER_04Hey, it was fun. I actually, yeah, some of those I don't not use, but there's a few. And they're on the internet quite a bit. So now you can be educated. So can our our listeners who have young children.
SPEAKER_01Got it. So we covered a lot. We covered therapy, we covered a little bit of the continued conversation of how to have a cancer conversation. Yes. We covered some great fan mail. So thank you. Um appreciate that. Uh and that's a sincere thank you. Um we covered Nikki's chapters through life. Um it also conjured up, which I didn't tell as a story, but I've got a photograph of you. I think it was a must have been a Halloween, and you were dressed up as like a hula girl.
SPEAKER_04I love that picture. I know what we're talking about, because I love that.
SPEAKER_01And you were hanging on to my arm and it just I don't think you were looking at me, but the way you were hanging on me just, you know, I think di typifies our relationship.
SPEAKER_03Uh yeah, it's a great picture. I'll post it. I'll post it.
SPEAKER_01That would be great.
SPEAKER_04Um But well, yeah, and if you haven't already, um give us a follow on Butterfly Pavilion Pod on Instagram. We're also on YouTube, and we also are gonna be on the On YouTube we are actually um search on Butterfly Pavilion Podcast. You'll find it.
SPEAKER_01It's in the street and we will we will link we will link it in in our um Spotify and Apple podcast links.
SPEAKER_04And we're starting a TikTok, so check us out there and we're gonna record a couple TikTok videos in the backyard, I think.
SPEAKER_01We are is that how I do it?
SPEAKER_04No.
SPEAKER_01No, okay. There was an awkward dance dad dance moment. We'll probably uh we do have some bonus coverage, but we're gonna wrap it up for today.
SPEAKER_04Yes. Thank you so much. We'll see you next time.
SPEAKER_01For now. We need a sign off. We need a sign off. That's all. We usually just do woo-hoo.
SPEAKER_04That's all, folks. And that's the way the cookie crumbles.