WHO REMEMBERS? The UK Nostalgia Podcast
A nostalgia trip for anyone in the UK who grew up on dial-up Internet, Findus Crispy Pancakes, and playground rumours that couldn’t be fact-checked online. We’re not historians — we don’t do dates, and we barely do facts — but science says reminiscing gives your brain a dopamine hit, so think of us as your weekly dose of hazy memories, childhood flashbacks, and confidently misremembered events.
Expect frequent arguments about who remembers things properly as we rummage through the UK’s collective memory box.
WHO REMEMBERS? The UK Nostalgia Podcast
Who Remembers........The First Day Of Secondary School?
The first day of secondary school doesn’t arrive gently. One moment you’re a confident primary veteran, the next you’re a tiny figure in a sea of corridors, stern voices, and older kids who look like adults. We dive into that jolt with stories of strict assemblies, baffling timetables, and the sudden pressure of uniforms, trainers, and the bag that could carry a weekend’s worth of luggage. It’s a trip through UK school nostalgia with equal parts nerves and laughter, where even the bus ride becomes a saga and a perfectly timed one-liner can crown a playground legend.
Enjoyed the trip back? Follow the show, share it with a friend who remembers their first day, and leave a quick review to help more nostalgic folk find us. What’s the one moment from your first day that still sticks—bus, bag, or bravado?
Hello to who remembers the UK nostalgia podcast, and in this week's episode we are asking who remembers the first day of secondary school.
SPEAKER_00:You slip right through my fingers. No, not literally. Metaphorically.
SPEAKER_02:Is that something to do with the sec secondary education, or is that just something you've decided to start this episode with? It just k yeah, it just sprung to mind. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know if it's relevant or not. He's got a new album out, Morris. We might touch on it when it comes out. He's cancelled more tours again, hasn't he? Yeah, he's cancelled a couple more tours. If anyone's not listening to our 2025 review, uh we talk about how many tours Morris he cancelled last year. Um and he's started the year with a bang and he's already cancelled a couple because he's of allergic reaction to medication. Thanks to Kate Bedan, by the way, for uh uh giving us the heads up on that one.
SPEAKER_01:So yeah, we need to get Kate on for something. We should have got her on for the take that episode and we didn't, so we we need to Yeah, I don't think we should not speak in terms of us anymore, I don't think.
SPEAKER_02:So we didn't let her on for the uh we didn't get her on for the Kate the Kate that take that episode.
SPEAKER_00:Never forget where she's coming from.
SPEAKER_02:But today we are talking uh the first day of a new school, basically the first day of big school. Did you call it big school, Liam? Uh no, I've I've never used that term. No, I never called it big school. What about for your kids? You say you're going to big school soon. It makes it sound like prison big house, doesn't it? Going to big school. Well, it's not like quite threatening, it's not like you're ready for big school. Ready for big school. How did you feel? It's gonna be very free and easy this one, because there's obviously not much. Luckily for us, there's not much research you can do. It's all about you know the memories, hopefully, that we've been.
SPEAKER_01:Otherwise, we'd have spent hours and hours, wouldn't we?
SPEAKER_02:Oh, absolutely, yeah, I'd have been all all night up, but I were you worried when you were can you remember obviously we're going back a long time here, but can you remember being worried as a primary school kid thinking, oh shit, I've got fucking big school next year? Um yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, definitely. I I I I sort of need time to settle. I I new people annoy me. I I don't I don't like a lot of different people.
SPEAKER_02:This is this sounds like if a United made a new sign in this with the first interview, I need time to settle. New people annoy me.
SPEAKER_01:But but yeah, I'm I'm I'm I'm also where we had like a sort of I don't I don't know, one of these sort of people experts who said I'm I'm the most extroverted and extroverted extreme introverts ever met in a sense that like I I don't really want to deal with anyone but that I can do it and I'm quite good at it if I want to do it. But I just I'm just not comfortable with that. And yeah, I I remember I remember being and and actually my daughter's just kind of been through this, and she's really, really similar to me. She she was really settled in year six, it's kind of found her sort of friendship group, was really confident. She she'd ended up sort of doing the lead singing bit at the end of the year thing, which which I sort of did the lead play the end of the year, and and then all of a sudden the world's just changed. She she's no longer in a comfort.
SPEAKER_02:It's a massive change, it's a massive change, it's an absolutely but I think for some people though, this this was a like a I can reinvent myself, I can go again.
SPEAKER_01:Like I was quite happy where I was, and I and I didn't want to do the reset, and I and I really, really hated go starting secondary school, find it really uncomfortable.
SPEAKER_02:Well, I was pretty shy. Uh people might not believe that, but I was pretty shy as a kid, like not not, you know, not sat in a in a corner on my own or anything, but I like I liked what I liked and I knew who I knew. Do you know what I mean? And I think do you know what though?
SPEAKER_01:I think we were probably like 90% of us were that, yeah, but some were very good at sort of portraying this character that hey, hey guys, let's go and catch a break this afternoon at the shop. Yeah, you talk about that. This was your first noticeable chance to reinvent yourself, to rebrand yourself, weren't it? They say when you go to Munich and do that, this was your first time. You you could become something that you weren't necessarily at primary school.
SPEAKER_02:I didn't. I for the first year or so I was just the same fairly shy person, but then I got into Oasis and I started growing my hair and uh just game walking with that sort of swagger as well, didn't you?
SPEAKER_01:Which you you think I walk with a swagger? No, I didn't I didn't know you then, no.
SPEAKER_02:No, but you still think I walk with a swagger, and I said, I don't think I do, and you said you must know that you walk with a swagger. I don't think I walk with a swagger.
SPEAKER_01:I think you lean back slightly, your knees are slightly too bent, and I think fucking hell, mate. Do you know in the um Kevin and Perry where uh Perry becomes into Oasis? Yeah, I I don't think you're anything like that level of it. I just think you you kind of you lean that way a little bit.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, fair enough. I think one of the first things that sort of get you into like the mindset of you going to a new school is I don't know if you had to do this at your school, you had to choose in our school we had to choose two kids who we were closest to who you wanted to be in their class. So I picked these two lads and the other people said blah blah blah blah. And I thought I always felt sorry for the kids who weren't as popular who never they chose two people who didn't choose them. I think that's such a weird popularity. I know you have to.
SPEAKER_01:That might might be me, to be honest, because I th I thought I was a big hitter at primary school, but big big man around campus. Yeah, yeah, I thought it was a local hard man, but I I did not get the choices that I sort of put down. Oh really? No, I mean as it as it happened, I kind of ended up with a guy who kind of became good mates. You don't really know him anymore, to be honest, but it it it sort of works. No, but but it it it kind of worked in a sense that like Well, these aren't any really and not only are these not the people I put down, but mainly they're in the other half of the year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm I'm not sort of naming individuals, um, we don't want to drag him down into this mess. Um but yeah, there was there was one guy from my primary school that I ended up getting on really well with, but but there weren't any others. Like that I I I felt a bit shortchanged, and and yeah, maybe I I wasn't the hot property I thought I was.
SPEAKER_02:I was saying we went to different schools, we should probably say. Um the other half of the year, something that just sp sparked my interest a little bit there. If you were in the other half of the year, it were like you were in another school. Strangers, yeah. You didn't deal with them, yeah. No, it were like I I can't remember what it went on to, maybe G classrooms, our and B, but I think it might have gone up to G. You were something like that. If you were like past F, no, no, not G, it must have been now way on about.
SPEAKER_01:A to D, and then we had I think we were A to G and then H to L or something like that. Oh, so we didn't have as many G's. H was our last year. And I was in the I was in the s the the back half, so I was F to H.
SPEAKER_02:This sounds like I'm I prepared this and I haven't. On my bookshelf, I have the Meadowhead School yearbook from 1999 when I left. I'll tell you how many years we have. Er I don't actually got this. 11 L.
SPEAKER_01:L Yeah, we don't go as high as L.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Some uh Yeah so this yearbook, funnily enough, what I've got in my hand, at the end uh uh every year, every uh form had to do something about their form like that summed up everyone's time in school, you know, like a little bit about each of them. And your now girlfriend were in my class, and she wrote her version, and the bit that she said about me is Hey Gate broke Tom's tooth. So that my my five years at school all boiled down to breaking someone's tooth. It's that story I've told before where I tripped someone over and I thought they were gonna hit me, and they weren't, and I hit them out of panic. So that's me.
SPEAKER_01:It feels kind of curated that like oh oh by the way, I've got a yearbook to hand. Oh no, and I have genuinely it's just fallen open on the page that describes the moment where I put a guy in his place and broke his room.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, no, no, that is it. So I can I'll take a picture of it if people don't believe it's not.
SPEAKER_01:Sorry, just as I picked it up, it's fallen open again, and somebody's wrote legend. I don't know who wrote that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, well, um that's not an incident I'm proud of at all. That were a genuine general gen it's a genuine general, it's a funny story, I'll I'll say that, but it's not something I'm proud of whatsoever. Anyway, um did you have uniform uh primary school?
SPEAKER_01:Yes, but I don't think we did when I first went to secondary school, and then I think it came out.
SPEAKER_02:Oh really? Oh, we didn't have it at primary school, but we had it at secondary school. That was like quite a big thing.
SPEAKER_01:Horrible green outfit. Yeah, I'm I'm I mean I'm I'm a f professional rememberer these days, but um I think and I think you'd like to sort of school pictures that we had. I th I think in year seven you could wear what you wanted. Because I've got a picture of I mean, do you know like the sort of umbrow training top? Oh, the Liam Gallagher. Not identical, but yeah.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, no, no, I mean before Liam Gallagher, aren't they? You say you influenced Liam Gallagher.
SPEAKER_01:Well I've I've never I've never made that accusation before, but yeah, possibly, yeah. Well we that this we we went to secondary school in 94, didn't we? Yeah, that's right, yeah. Because I remember that being like part of the password was it was sort of your name and the year you joined, so it's not always always 94. Yeah. So when when was Gallagher famous for his Umbro Top?
SPEAKER_02:Definitely maybe came out in '94. Umbro top will have been '95 or '96, '96, I think. Ah, so it's possible. It's possible. Yeah, see, you're probably.
SPEAKER_01:But yeah, there's a school picture of me and my sort of umbro top, and uh yeah, then I I think the following year, year eight, it went sounds very similar to what you're describing, like a bottle green jumper with like uh I think it's a white polo neck.
SPEAKER_02:Do you remember how excited you people used to get non-uniformed days? Like ridiculous. Oh, yes, I get to wear my own clothes.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean, this is this is me being a cool and hip parent, but um this is turn now, isn't it?
SPEAKER_02:You're having a go you say you're not acting cool by hitting the colour.
SPEAKER_01:No, no, no, I was a kid at school. I wasn't a kid. I wasn't a I wasn't we all know that. But what what I'm saying though is that I I got a shoe budget to go and buy my trainers and you had to have black trainers. And I bought do you remember the people used to call them like the moon, or I used to call them the moon boots? Doing what you mean. Reebok trainers with a big white base on it. Yeah, I think I'm buying them, and my mum being absolutely furious, like saying this is a disgrace. You're supposed to be buying black trainers. I remember my dad coming in to like have a word with me, like he'd been at work all day on site, and he had to come and sit and have a chat with me. And I said, Well, just said I was an absolute disgrace. I remember him saying, Well, I'm not delighted with the trains you put. Did you say you're an absolute disgrace? I remember saying, Yeah, so right, okay. He said, Well, I don't love the trains you picked if they don't fit, but yeah, yeah, uh you're not a disgrace. He said, Yeah, I've got to get it.
SPEAKER_02:A disgrace, I love that. You've got to be cruel to be kind though, aren't you?
SPEAKER_01:Sometimes you wear them at school. Well, yeah, because my mum sort of sneered at me like every day when I put them on, like, sort of like really unhappy with them, but you but yeah, I love that when you buy something like that. But where I'm trying to say, so so obviously I I kind of was like, oh no, you can't bend the rules, you've got to just fall in line. But yeah, I've I've sort of said to the girls, look, I'm I'm I'm free and easy, man. Like I'm probably makes me less cool than any other people.
SPEAKER_02:Hey, hey guy, hey guys, hey, let me just tell you I'm free and easy.
SPEAKER_01:I'll tell you how cool I am. But no, but I basically said, Look, I I get it.
SPEAKER_02:Check on my rebox, man.
SPEAKER_01:Certain things you have to do, but I accept that status is a huge thing at this age. Yeah, it is, and that those little mini wins, I I get it. If you can if you can bend the rules, as long as you're doing all right in school and and everything's okay. I the the little tiny things that to me aren't really important that they say, Oh, you shouldn't really have a logo on your coat. I don't care if it if it's school.
SPEAKER_02:If you're gonna break the rules, man, you can't.
SPEAKER_01:And if you want me to pick you up in my big rebux and my fucking shades. Yeah, I always wear sunglasses when I pick them up from school as well. Brilliant.
SPEAKER_02:Do you have to get talking of picking them up? Do you pick your did obviously did you get the the the first time I remember getting a bus to school was secondary school? I never had to get a bus to primary school, and that was quite a big thing.
SPEAKER_01:So I ours is a bit of a weird setup. So secondary school when I went, and for anyone from the the drumfield area listening, Gosforth, it was kind of secondary school split into two, so Gosforth was yeah seven to nine, and then you had to go down to Henry Fanshaw for ten to eleven. So I I live unbelievably close to Gosforth. To a point where it I think this is the first point that sort of damaged my I used to do really well at school when I was young, still did alright, but I once thought school had finished after third period and went went home across the field because it took me five minutes to get there. And I got home and realised, oh god, there's another lesson I'm supposed to be in. But I thought, oh well, I've done it now, so it doesn't matter. And nobody called me out on it. Like it just kind of went by.
SPEAKER_02:Obviously, we might do la maybe we should do actually um last day of school or something as well for another episode. That last year of school. I'm not again, this is me. I see like I'm some sort of like renegade with like sort of cigarette in my mouth behind bike sheds. I really didn't go to many lessons in that last year, and no one seemed to give a shit.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. I mean, I think what got sort of worse was I don't even know if this this might be post-16, it's blurring a little bit, so this might have been for A levels, but there were a few people in the class that because I'd be late a lot, it's I'd sort of say, Oh, just give me a mark if I'm not coming in. So I'd always have marks on the register whether I was there or not. So like sometimes like when I was on holiday and stuff, I was still marked down as there, but I'd just not been to any classes. But yeah, I I mean what can you say when when you reach those levels of coolness?
SPEAKER_02:That's it, you don't have to.
SPEAKER_01:I think it's funny how like uncool certainly I was, it sounds like you were. So I I don't think you can claim any any cool points here.
SPEAKER_02:No, no, I I I've always said I would the most average power, average at football, average at uh education, but average grades, average average, average at podcasting, and I've lived my life in that in that I've carried on in that manner, I'm just average. I don't think I'm terrible. Uh well, I am terrible at a lot of things, actually. I'm terrible to average overall, I think.
SPEAKER_01:Um and it does just to confirm, it does say that on your CV, doesn't it?
SPEAKER_02:It does say that terrible to average. I'll give it a go. I'll give it a go, and that's all you can ask for. But on the on the going back to buses on the bus to school, my first ever day at school, I always remember the wanker driver asking for ID. I'm I'm what, 12, 13, 12? I would have been on her. Yeah, 12. Um, and he right asking for he he knew it was the first day of school, he knew all these kids getting on, they were like five, I was all really nervous going to this new school. Imagine being that much of a bell end as a bus driver.
SPEAKER_01:Was your ID? Yeah, we're going out you can't come on with our ID. We went on a huge tangent there, thanks to me as well, by the way, didn't we? But yeah, yeah, I I remember the bus drivers being a bit of an ob ear, because they don't want not like that.
SPEAKER_02:Not when you it's the first time.
SPEAKER_01:Once you lose control you've had it, aren't you?
SPEAKER_02:You're sort of dressing room, fucking Roy Keen over here. Ah, come on, you've got your you've not got your ID, you're not coming on.
SPEAKER_01:But a couple of good lads in there looking after them for me.
SPEAKER_02:But no, I don't You would not do that if it were if you knew it was the first day of school for people and a young 12-year-old kid were getting on, and you knew I mean look, I didn't have a beard or anything. I was clearly really young. You knew I weren't 16, I not left school. You'd not ask for ID, you know in how big of a day that were for people.
SPEAKER_01:No, I agree, but I I also think I should have reported the bastard. Anyway. Give an inch to take a mile, I bet he thought.
SPEAKER_02:I can still picture him as well. Old man, about close to retirement, and I think he just thought, yeah, I'm playing it by the rules, man. Did he let you on though? No, we had to get off and get our bit late in my first day. Me and our mate Matthew Stratford actually got on the same bus and we had to get off and we were late for school. First ever day school. So we got a bad reputation. Actually, funny because when we walked in because we were late, uh, got told about three years later when it turned out we weren't um cool or hard. The people thought we were like the gonna be the the bully boys because we were late. Do you know what I mean? Like people thought we were gonna be swaggering around. Hey, these guys don't care, they've just come in late. It weren't that just because we got asked Friday by a bastard of a bus driver.
SPEAKER_00:Boys are back in town.
SPEAKER_02:The boys are but when you first get into school, I think the big thing that really tried how massive it is.
SPEAKER_01:But but just to finish on buses, so occasionally, no, no, it's my fault because I went on a huge tangent there, but when when I had to go to Henry Fanshaw, which was much further away, very occasionally I got a bus and I thought they were hot and sweaty and horrible, awful. Generally, even if it rained in unless it were like torrential rain, I used to think I'd sooner just walk and get wet.
SPEAKER_02:I I never got a bus to school, but occasionally did your school ever have this horrible trend where people had used to chew bus tickets up and then throw them so they stuck on people's like faces and stuff. Yeah, and stuff like that. What a disgusting. There were once there were this guy, uh it were again it was Matthew Shafford actually, who threw it at somebody and he hit them right in the face, and they were that angry. They didn't speak for the rest of the journey, but they just stood there with it. Like later, sorry, sat there with his uh with this thing on its on the face, fuming looking out the window. Imagine like you know when you're that angry you can't speak.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I once saw uh another another tangent, apologies. But on a building site, you get this stuff called retard retardant paint. Ah yeah, and it's to stop the concrete sticking to the shutters around it, and a guy made a ball of it and stuck it on top of this guy's head, and he was that angry, he said, I'm gonna go and report you to the site manager. So he walked off, but because the walkways kind of looped around the site, we saw him sort of coming and going like in the distance about three or four times with this big dollop of retardant paint on his head. Never took it off. We kept seeing him and cheering like as he was walking away. Hey, did he report what did he get done? No, he didn't report it because he kind of thought, I don't want to be.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, like the time I got there, he calmed it up.
SPEAKER_01:So he just walked with his big dot, it was sort of melting onto his head as he was walking.
SPEAKER_02:He had to walk back with that on his head.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know how he dealt with it in the end, but yeah, he came back about half an hour later.
SPEAKER_02:Absolutely fucking brilliant. Yeah, that was a horrible, horrible trait that people. I never got involved in that to be fair. Um yeah, the the big interval.
SPEAKER_01:Well, yeah, yeah, okay. I'm sorry, I thought I was going to skip to the next one there. Yeah, it did feel huge.
SPEAKER_02:We we had two buildings. I don't know about you. I don't know if they do anymore, but like we had one, there were north building and south building.
SPEAKER_01:Again, because it 'cause I mean, effectively we had two schools for secondary schools, so it it was a a really big split. Like they weren't they weren't in part The same, but yeah, Gosph was an old building, it had what they call terrapins. I don't know if your school had any terrapins, so they were like little outdoor, yeah, basically like modules, classrooms. So you had those, but yeah, there were long corridors and all different rooms, and you had to say, Oh, I I don't even know where this is. It felt like you could get lost really easily.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it was huge, and obviously you're wandering around, and there's like people who are pretty much men by this point. You're a 12-year-old kid, and you've got 16-year-old men wandering around.
SPEAKER_01:Almost, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and that that was proper scary. I don't care how old you thought you were, like four four five years older than you at that point in time. Was that that was we I started school when our mate Ross were just leaving. I've seen pictures of him at that age. He looked, he looks about 40 then. Like I'd imagine wandering him wandering around. Like these are these people have beards and shit.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, my my daughter started not this year, year before she was year seven, but I mean she she's really small anyway. She's kind of got medical reasons for being a little bit small, but she's really small, and yeah, she's because they've got post-11 as well, so they've got like actual adults doing their A levels, it just doesn't seem right that she's at the same school as them. But yeah, that's that's how it works. That's the setup.
SPEAKER_02:Well, funnily enough, I was really tall um in my first year at secondary school. I was this size.
SPEAKER_01:You went to a school for dwarfs, didn't you?
SPEAKER_02:No, honestly, and I I I can back this up.
SPEAKER_01:No, no, I've I've seen I've seen a picture, I've seen photographic evidence. So you felt I was this I was quite tall. Tall or short then. I'm I'm I'm a bit short now. I I kind of was I felt like I was sort of medium all the way through, and then all of a sudden I never got that sort of last little bit.
SPEAKER_02:No, I've I was like five foot eight, um what were I? I don't know whatever I am now, five foot seven, some may say some may say five's six I am, but I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Well, if you're five foot eight at secondary school and you're five foot seven now.
SPEAKER_02:I think I'm about five's seven and I was that size, and I was one of the tallest, like in our class, and then I just never grew, which is yeah, which is a massive shame. Anyway, sorry Limit, we talk about the next note.
SPEAKER_01:No, I thought that I I really like this one because until you'd sort of put your notes together, I I wouldn't have thought of this or thought to mention it, but a massive bag. I think this this is a boys' thing. I don't necessarily think it's a girls' thing. Girls like to have the sort of shoulder strap handbags. I know for a while until he first went in year seven, it it was ridiculous what she was trying to squeeze into this bag, but this was the done thing. She had to have this sort of leather shoulder bag. But yeah, I remember for the boys, like it was kind of like the bigger the bag you can have, the better. Like you'd have like a get like for a full sort of training kit for a footballer where it's got like some of them had like a an extendable zipped piece on the end that you could.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you didn't need that much on it, did you really sit like? But yeah, you used the lunch boxes obviously in primary school, just like little lunch boxes, a couple of sandwiches in there, jobs are good. Because this one you had to have all your fucking books and your your uh your P kit, and you did need quite a big bag.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I I mean I I hate it actually that that if you guys did this, that you still had to sometimes have like an art case that could carry like bigger stuff. So some days you had to have this huge bag, and then you had to have this like flat plastic, called it an art case that was like a A2 or something like that. That I just think, oh I hate days where I have to have that. Yeah, but you know, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, obviously, when you get in there as well, finding out what class you're in, you sort of that that's a root that's one of the most nerve-wracking moments of your entire life. I don't know if you think it was the same as you. We had an assembly, and it's already nerve-wracking. You've got all these new people you've never seen before. You've got a teacher who comes in who looks strict compared to because obviously your primary school teachers, in my experience, were far more come on, everybody, let's get round and watch the tele. We did more than that, but do you know what I mean? Whereas secondary school teachers, they had this grain drill style sort of do you know what I mean? Like sternness to them, like they were they were they were proper adults.
SPEAKER_01:So, like the guy I think they knew that they couldn't give an inch, so they were kind of like, Well, this is there's no messing about now, you're here to learn. That this is where you actually you know, I don't know what your primary school's like, but you're gonna have to stop paying attention, we won't put up with any nonsense.
SPEAKER_02:I was shit scared of my secondary school teachers for that first year because they were just so different in how they sort of taught you. The primary school teachers were far more come on, you can do this a little bit better. It's like one step up from nursery, isn't it? Almost obviously they were you know, they were you get into a thing, but the secondary school were very like sort of what what are you doing? Do you know? I mean, not all of them, obviously. There were some obviously like people at your classes nowadays, realistically, they would you know obviously we've we talked about dead about being a teacher before. It did just sort of doing the job, but at the time it felt like these were just unnecessarily strict people, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And again, I think even more so these days, you kind of there's an argument for sort of arm, you know, forget arming the police. Should we should we be arming teachers? I think that should we be harming teachers, yeah. These days, we don't condemn it, we don't condemn it, but I think it must be really came back, bring came back. Uh well is it no, he's at Munich, isn't he?
SPEAKER_02:Oh it's good that you ruined the joke.
SPEAKER_01:I ruined it by saying Dortmund as well.
SPEAKER_02:Dortmund, yeah. But even like stuff like the the chalkboards I found like sort of really intimidating as well.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think this was kind of the first time I sort of thought, Oh wow, this this is a whiteboard, this is different. We'd have gone to whiteboards, dry white marker pens, we've gone away from roller chalkboards and yeah, I I don't know, it just it just all felt very serious all of a sudden.
SPEAKER_02:It was really yeah, and like I said, the bit what I wanted to talk about is the assembler where you sort of get put into your classes. I don't know if you were the same, any like they'd read your name out so they'd say Andrew Hague, aka Panchero. I just said that. Um, you are going into a class with and they'd read these names. You've never seen it so that's not porridge. I actually got sent down for knocking that kid's tooth.
SPEAKER_01:That's why you have been sentenced to 14 to 14 years in jail.
SPEAKER_02:Um, yeah, but yeah, they re and that that is actually how I saw the teachers at that point, fully enough. I saw the teachers as these really sort of like prison guard sort of and Andrew, you will be I don't know about the talking like uh fucking Brian Clough again. Keep reading Brian Clough, young man, you're going in the class with Matthew over there, but yeah, getting put into classes and stuff and like getting picked out and shit. Oh that would have nerve wracking that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I tough time. I I think it's a tough time for all. I think like I say, I think there's some that hide it better than others. I think there's some that are quite quite bravado and sort of brash at that time. But yeah, I I I really didn't like it. Um there's no there's no part of me that that sort of I don't like going anywhere new, but I I really hated this. This this was one of the most uncomfortable times of my life, I would say.
SPEAKER_02:Horrible. Start just carry on with primary school. We were all right there, weren't it? It was fine at primary school. Um, two other things I want to mention if we're gonna stick on the topic of like what we didn't or how serious it felt. Timetables massively intimidated me. Because obviously at primary school, I don't know if you were the same again, but at primary school, you just get right today. We're doing uh kings and stewards, what they call Tudors and Stewards, uh today. And that'd be like the last turn. You think you had like a teacher for every lesson? Like you've got English at nine, Math at every book.
SPEAKER_01:You've got me there for that. I can't deal with this. Just just I'm just saying with the biggest.
SPEAKER_02:I'm quite honestly shaking. I'm shaking now, thinking about how intimidating that big timetable was. And there were subjects you'd never seen before. So you'd get like I don't know, religious uh what do you call the religious studies or whatever?
SPEAKER_01:RA Religious Education.
SPEAKER_02:I don't know what that is. We never did that at school, like primary school. Do you think it bloody hell? All these lessons that I've never even heard of. That that were.
SPEAKER_01:I thought the big one as well were things like uh woodwork and like metal work. Yeah, but we've never ever done anything like that at primary school. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And what were food called? It weren't just called food or food food tech we called it. Although Food Tech, maybe, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:There was another name for it as well that it's probably quite outdated now. It's probably in the Works Society in Food Tech, and uh awful.
SPEAKER_02:I had to throw it in. Um, absolutely poor.
SPEAKER_01:Tilly once made like a sort of chemical weapon. I think it was supposed to be like uh some sort of bolognese, but it she did it on one of the hottest days of the year. I don't like onion, it makes me feel sick anyway. Yeah, you don't know. She came back and brought this sort of tub of this stuff that when I took the lid off, there were just onions swimming on top. It smelled awful. I I I didn't even wash the tub, I just put the whole tub in the bin.
SPEAKER_02:I just thought that they can't be doing that. It's like when Richard Mailer with Judy and Judy made that soup, and Richard Mailer had to throw it through it in the garden, he said, because it was that horrible.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, no, this was appalling.
SPEAKER_02:Did you sell it? Do you like with your strict or did you do your cool dad thing again and say, hey, chill out, don't worry about it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I put my shades on and just said we'll live with it, man. We'll deal with it.
SPEAKER_02:We'll live, we'll deal with it. Don't worry about it. Hey, no, I mean too.
SPEAKER_01:But I just said to her, I'm sorry, I don't know if you thought any of us were gonna eat that, but I've just got rid of it all.
SPEAKER_02:Imagine that on like uh Jamie Oliver working brilliant. Yeah, I don't I don't I don't I don't know. We can't actually rate it because I've just got to junior master chef. Yeah, I've I've just thrown that straight in the bin, to be honest, just to look at it. But another thing with the serious stuff, another thing that we'd never had to do at primary school, uh homework. Um that were a big thing. That was like, right, you're doing your homework, and I remember like again being intimidated by that, thinking, Jesus, this is proper serious shit now.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I uh I don't know, did we no, I don't think we ever did do homework. I I don't know how I feel about it. I'm I'm I know it's sort of I've seen comedians do it, it's not my material, but teach them the stuff they need to know while they're there. What what what do you mean, homework? Like you you can't do it.
SPEAKER_02:You're already there eight hours a day or whatever you are. Um you don't need to come up you've got to come home on I mean how we're gonna get the next good YouTubers, you know what I mean, if they're having to do homework.
SPEAKER_01:We're not gonna get the next play games and film YouTube.
SPEAKER_02:Exactly. You know what I mean? We're not gonna get the next uh Well no, I mean in all seriousness I I I don't like it.
SPEAKER_01:I think sometimes they I I think it well my Mike I helped them do it, but I I think that the first signs for me, because I was really good all the way through school. I kind of did it the wrong way around. I was sort of top marks A all the way through till about years eight, nine. I was sort of top set for everything, and then I I just started losing interest with it, and I just thought this is ridiculous. And I think homework was a big part of that. Like when I got assignments to do away from school, I just used that I'm I'm not giving up my time to do this. I'm not I'm just not gonna do it.
SPEAKER_02:And I have already I have got a career mode on sensible soccer, and that is definitely taking precedent to and to be honest, my mum and dad, I don't think we're that strict with we homework. They weren't one of these have you done you're not doing this until you've done your homework. Do you know what I mean? I think they were like okay about it, but yeah, some people I mean they're the ones now who are scientists and going to the moon and stuff, aren't they? The ones who actually did their homework.
SPEAKER_01:But well, I knew a guy at school and I was good mates with him actually. I don't know him anymore. Um I won't I won't name him again. But anyway, he so he was a really hard worker. But I think uh is he a doctor now or so so obviously the joke's on me, he's he's a success, and I'm not, but we we were in a chemistry class and the teacher said they were explaining something about some chemical reaction, and the quote was a chain is only as strong as its weakest link. And they've referred back to a film called The Bridge Over the River Kwai, where apparently they're trying to destroy this bridge. Well, no, you won't have, but the the what they sort of say is we only have to go after the weakest point of the structure, like the the whole thing is only as strong as the weakest. And and they mentioned that just purely in reference that it's a great quote, it's from The Bridge Over the River Kwai. And I remember speaking to this guy like next day and saying, Oh, what did you do last night? And he said, Oh, we watched the bridge over the river quiet. Oh fuck shit. And I said, Why? And he said, Well, I told my my dad that they mentioned it in chemistry class, so he went, he drove somewhere to go and buy it. I've got to be a little bit more. And I said, But what but they didn't say like this is sort of reference material, they just quoted a line from a film, and he said, No, but we just said we'd better watch it to kind of get the no wonder I'm getting texts saying I eat answer, and these are the people who are being brought up in our society. Yeah, I I think that's absolutely outrageous. I think like there's a it really is, it really is. There's there's a point of sort of like, oh well, he's told us that in our spare time we could go and learn this, but to just quote live from a film and then to think they had to go and buy it and watch it that night, absolutely mind-blowing.
SPEAKER_02:Do you know what? Yeah, I mean you could do that with anything though, couldn't you? Like, I mean, if you just drop a line off I thought, I better go and watch that, yeah. But it's nothing to do. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't you have to watch that one?
SPEAKER_01:If you've ever stood on the Great Wall of China and seen them sunset, then you will imagine. What did you do last night? Well, we had to get a flight to China, didn't we? Because uh said about watching the sunset from China.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, uh unbelievable. Imagine like I don't know, it's doing like uh talk about Mammarley or something. Uh what is it float like a butterfly sting like a bee? Well, I just started getting I got a load. We all got stung by bees last night. Yeah, went into a bee's nest and stuff got mat stung by loads of them, yeah. Just to just to see what that quote. I love that literal quote, but a good sketch character, that to be honest. So that is a a great segue to talk about Mamma Oli to another thing that I want to talk about, which is uh I love this is like I love this at school when you go to the big school because it were always boys like jostling for the top spot. Um so like whoever like with the the the king the the cock of the school in your primary school, it wasn't necessarily gonna be the cock of the school in the secondary school. So I think in those early days, I weren't involved in this, I was you know, nowhere near those levels, but the the very top boys, the top dogs, we're all fighting, we're fighting it like prison, like finding out to be who's gonna be the top dog in those early days.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, definitely. And again, like I a lot of my sort of problems with society weren't necessarily that prominent then. So I was kind of just quite happy to sit in the background and and just sort of let that play out. I think it was probably only sort of year nine into year ten where I started to think yeah, I'm probably I'm I'm not gonna be sort of shoved around by these guys, like but early doors I was quite happy just to fall in around and watch him sort of jostling for position. I mean I remember sort of two two rival schools, sort of local hard men queuing next to each other, and one of them punching one in the head and he said, Oh, I've he come up in a big bruise, and he said, If you hit me again in there, it'll kill me. And he just punched him again there straight away, which I mean he's mad on so many counts. If you hit me in there again, it would kill me. Which is a ridiculous statement, but then him thinking, right, well, I'm gonna hit you there again then.
SPEAKER_02:You should have to well, yeah, but there were a kid at our school who did used to act a bit hard. And there were a rumour going round, and I don't know where this rum, I didn't know him really this kid. Uh but the rumour was if you hit him once, he died, and his nickname was shit computer game character. You're like an early level badder. Like he used to hit him once and they go, uh Golden Gun, I think.
SPEAKER_01:And if you ever played Goldeneye, you could play it with Golden Gun, you were dead.
SPEAKER_02:That were it, dead. But what I've found what a brilliant way to act to act hard that were. Like knowing that if someone hits you, they're probably gonna get done for murder. Like, that's that's exactly the sort of person who should have been acting tough at school. Yeah, I'm willing to go for it, but if you hit me, you will be done for murder. I will die, yeah. Um I always remember like I'm sure this was the first day of school. I'm sure this was or even one of those days that you have again when you go to the big school for a couple of days to check it out or check out the vibe. Um the guy in our school were like the cock of our school, and then this other guy were obviously the cock of his school in primary school, and he had a girlfriend, the one at our school, and he said to the other guy, Are you looking at my girlfriend's legs? And he said, and I'll never forget it, he said, Why would I look in there, mate? It's like a jungle, which is a brilliant comeback for a 12-year-old boy. And it again, he's setting the it's setting the do you know what I mean? It it didn't look like a jungle, she's 12 years old. No, so I think I'm but it's setting the it's setting the vibe, innit?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, you're a bit like Elton John. They call it the the thought on the stairs, don't it? There's a French term for it, uh something on the scallier. It's like uh the thing you should have said after the event. Yeah, I think it's it's a gift to be able to sort of think quick and say at the moment. I think I'm I'm quite good at that. And I wouldn't have done that. Yeah, you are I would have just shuffled away at that point in my life, but yeah, I think now I'm quite good at it.
SPEAKER_02:I just thought at the time I thought, ooh, this this I don't think either of them ever became top dogs, to be completely honest. But I thought this that were a good line, that and I was like, oh, you know, this would be again it added to the old thing, but uh almost a long, slow journey for us to be top dogs, hasn't it?
SPEAKER_01:But lots of fun falling away at the wayside.
SPEAKER_02:You've got what what is it? The uh the the tortoise and the the hair. I think it said the tortoise and the snail, the tortoise and the hare.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, the the tortoises always finish out as top boys, don't they?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, top boys, and that's where we that's where we are now, riding at the top of the parking lot. Then we came out. Then we came along. But on the girls thing, I think 12 years old is probably uh what I found weird back about like sort of uh attracted by the other sex or the same sex or whatever it is, is that the girls that you used to grow with at school from our point of view, you've known them since they were like five, six years old or whatever, because they come through a nursery. So when you go into this new school and it's a new environment, you're seeing these new girls you've never seen before, and you're at that age where you start being properly attracted.
SPEAKER_01:This is like the office series too, where the Swindon lot come in, and they're all like, Oh god, I've seen a new girl. Like it's a bit like Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's a new facing town. Not not necessarily kind of better than than from your primary school, but just new.
SPEAKER_02:No, but just new. But you used to call something you had you had a thing, didn't you, Lynn, called Sainsbury syndrome.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, again, I suppose it's a tiny bit like the the office thing that I mentioned. Well, no, it's it's very similar, actually. In fact, it's pretty much the same. Um yeah, it's when we obviously we worked at Sainsbury's when we were late teens, but as soon as a new girl came in, it didn't really matter what she looked like. It was like all the lads are sort of testosterone's boiling. Oh my god, have you seen it's a new girl? Have you seen her? Is anyone well you know, is she with anyone? Like, yeah, there were definitely Sainsbury syndrome where uh just a new Well you used to call it, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I obviously I always think you nick my nicknames and vice versa. This were definitely yours, I think. Sainsbury syndrome, where if a new star I don't know if the girls did it as well, if a new starter came in, everyone would just obsess with this woman for about a week and then it just like went back to normal.
SPEAKER_01:No, no, looking for the next sort of new phase, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, but anyway, but yeah, so that was like um a big thing, obviously, with the the all the the the shit with the hormones and stuff lying around. But another thing that made you feel a bit grown up though, RFL, is I don't know if you get to do with this, is that you used to be able to leave the school premises on on your break.
SPEAKER_01:So when from year ten, yes, not year seven to nine.
SPEAKER_02:I uh yeah, you might be right actually. You might be right. I thought we were allowed to go straight away, but you might be right. Uh we used to go to crusty corbett, better word, uh, for a sandwich. That was what that felt like mad that you were allowed to do that. Now that the
SPEAKER_01:So a big difference for me was that you could take the money and like at break you can go and buy yourself cheese on toast or something. You didn't obviously at at primary school you had either your pack lunch or school dinners, but now all of a sudden at break time you can go and buy what you wanted. You could go and have hot dog and chips if every day if that's what you fancied. Did you do that? Uh I don't know if I ever did that to be honest. I did I did buy cheese the the aforementioned cheese on toes. It was a bargain, it was something like 20p, and you got like three big slices of cheese on toes for morning break, especially in winter, that were brilliant.
SPEAKER_02:I like a cheese on toast, to be honest. I should have come to you. I can't remember what we had actually. Um I might have still been Pat Lunchman. Pack man, to be fair. That's not what they called my Patch Manchester. It's a good superhero. Someone's forgotten I got any lunch and I ain't got any money.
unknown:Shh.
SPEAKER_02:I was doing it for a speech. I thought he just always had his pack lunch with him. No, no, he's got Pat Lunch. Hey, you know what I mean? If anyone's forgot the dinner, Pat Lunchman.
unknown:Shh.
SPEAKER_02:Pat Lunchman, if only he was here. He comes flying in. I'm doing the arm movement.
SPEAKER_01:I think it would always be though, quite like a pole packed lunch. Like, I don't think he'd come in flamboyant, it'd just be like cheese sandwich and some plain crisps.
SPEAKER_02:Well, and kids like, I'll leave it actually.
SPEAKER_01:I'm not interested. I'll just go with that.
SPEAKER_02:I'll just have some, I'll have a big tea.
SPEAKER_01:And I think like, yeah, he flies in, packed lunchman, but he always walks out with his head held down a bit. He's never quite delivered.
SPEAKER_02:But that's really my main memories of the first day of secondary school, a scary time.
SPEAKER_01:Well, hold on, the the last one that you've not mentioned from your own which I think is a great shout because I thought crazy, yeah, yeah. Is for some reason you had to you got given a load of books and you had to go home and put wallpaper around them. Hmm.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, you had to wallpaper your exercise books.
SPEAKER_00:I obviously I get it.
SPEAKER_01:You had to do that, didn't you? Yeah, yeah, no, it was well, you could use thick lining paper, or I think they said you could double wrap in wrapping paper. But like like your first homework of the year was when you were giving your textbooks was to go up and wrap. I mean, obviously the the internet's taking over all that now, but yeah, it was good I I I used to find that mind blowing that I don't know, like what why did you have your first rapping?
SPEAKER_02:Because why I used to use magazines and you know what I mean, right? So mine would have been football based, I would have thought my first exercise book rapping, then it'd have gone on to music.
SPEAKER_01:Er I think I just used I don't know, just I I can't think of anything interesting to say, just I don't know, just paper. Whatever was available. I I didn't think of music.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, just like Would you want anything? No. Well, you not anything. What's your favourite band? Do not like bands. Do you use your favourite footballer? Don't like football. I'll just have some nice browns. If it's white, brown, yeah, brown paper, please. Please make it as bland as possible.
SPEAKER_01:We weren't sort of allowed to to do that. I don't think no, I don't think we were supposed to sort of make it.
SPEAKER_02:Oh no, we were supposed to part of your personality. We're like, ah look, look at me, I'm into Sheffield United.
SPEAKER_01:Cover your books up with the thickest paper you can find to try and not damage.
SPEAKER_02:No, as we like magazines and stuff like that, definitely. I remember like having uh um England, like the England uh uh not not what's his name, not Shelton, uh Seaman. That were 96, thinking about it a couple of years after. But yeah, um but yeah, used to yeah, I used to like that with like a bit of a oh what have you got on your yeah, pencil cases as well. Do we have them at primary school?
SPEAKER_01:You had a trade, didn't you? You could have a few bits and pieces in.
SPEAKER_02:I don't know if you'd have an actual pencil case.
SPEAKER_01:No, probably not. Probably not.
SPEAKER_02:How many pens in pencil cases do you have that you never used? Do you know like different or different items in your pencil? I mean, I'll case that you would never use it.
SPEAKER_01:I'd never pay in the odds for this. Probably as many people listening that I'd start the year with a really good pencil case. About two weeks in, I'd I'd broken or lost half my stuff, and I'd be forever trying to borrow a pen or borrow a rubber or a ruler.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I used to a bit of a treat when you were allowed to write with a red pen. I don't know what I used to think that were quite a treat. Um but I don't think because it was always blue or black pen that you had to write, and I I I I enjoyed having a red pen.
SPEAKER_01:I can't yeah, I don't know. I can't share that that experience with you.
SPEAKER_02:But I think that's everything, Lim, unless you can think of anything else.
SPEAKER_01:I don't remember being excited about writing with a red pen, but yeah, each to their own.
SPEAKER_02:I like the red, the red by rope. Yeah, red by rope.
SPEAKER_01:Anything else you can think of, Liam? Well, the the multicolor pens just on the same token, they were good, weren't they? I don't have Tufti Club mentioned that. It seems very interesting.
SPEAKER_02:Oh yeah, they were good then, multicoloured pens, actually. Yeah, I used to love them, yeah, pink and blue and and all the kind of things.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, if we're stealing Tufti content, apologies. But yeah, did couldn't you take out the you could switch the things round so that people thought they were writing one colour and it was another?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, oh brilliant now, absolutely amazing those people. But now, yeah, and I'm getting you right.
SPEAKER_01:I think that's a good yeah, you could you could still find them. I've I've bought one for the kids fairly recently.
SPEAKER_02:Only a four-color one though, not for you more like about you having a right birthday upstairs writing on your notepads. You know, every every single year for Christmas, my nan buys me a notepad, and they are all completely empty. Because who the f uses an outpad these days? Look at this year's notepad right now. Again, we've got one of my props out, empty. Last year's empty. What'd you tell her? I can't do that, it's my nan, isn't it? Although I did take um I told you uh at Christmas she bought me a leather G lay. Um and I had to take it by one.
SPEAKER_01:Put her arm behind a ball for you and walked her down to JJB Sports or wherever it was, weren't you?
SPEAKER_02:I had yeah, I did. I genuinely look, this is a horrible thing to do, maybe, but it were it were appalling. I sent you a picture. It were massive, it were a leather, it looked like it were like a leather g let, was it? Yeah, it was like New York 1982 or something like that. It was frustrated from that. I think the only way you could have got away with that is wearing nothing underneath it. Just bare chesting. Yeah, just go for it. But I had to follow her, I said, 'cause would you like your G lay? And I said, Look, uh, I'm never gonna wear this, so do you want to give it someone else in Found Light? And she went, Well, everyone's wearing them. I go, no one's wearing them. It's not it's not 1982, what are you talking about? Um so then we had to go back to uh Mike Ashley Sports Direct to uh to get her to get a refund. So yeah. And um I got uh what did I get? Got a jumper instead. So it's all worked out well in the end. Happy ending. Yeah, Mileva Glate. Happy ending. So a happy pod, Liam. Um thank you very much, and I will see you for more remembering next time. Yep, remember me now. Thank you for listening to Who Remembers. If you want to get in touch with us, you can find us at WhorremembersPod at outlook.com. If you are a right wing fascist, you can find us on Twitter at Who Remembers Pod. Or if you're a wokener, you can find us on Blue Sky at WhoRemembersPod. Once again, thank you for listening, and we'll see you next time for more remembering.