Mini Episode #26: They Grew Up in Church… So Why Did They Leave? (Featuring: Elizabeth Peck)

They knew the songs, the verses, the routine… but somewhere along the way, they walked away.

In this episode, we talk about why some who grow up in church no longer follow Christ, what deconstruction really means, and when it can become a slippery slope.

And if that’s your story - or someone you love - we’re talking to you too. There is hope, and there is truth.

Don’t keep this one to yourself. Share this episode! 

Next week, we’re talking about compromise and the slow fade in believers.

How do you know if you’ve compromised in your faith? Are the people in your life pulling you closer to Christ… or further away?

We’ll also talk about how to repent, reset, and renew your relationship with Him.

"Let's Talk About It" is a podcast for young adults navigating real life and real faith. From doubts and church hurt to purpose, relationships, identity, and even financial advice - we dive into the conversations most people avoid but everyone's thinking about. No fluff, no filters - just honest talk to help you follow Jesus in today's world. Enjoy monthly episodes featuring powerful insights from Christian young adult leaders and voices shaping today's faith culture.

Hosted by Elizabeth Peck.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:12

Hey guys, welcome to Let's Talk About It. This is Mini Episode Number 26. They grew up in church, so why did they leave? Today's episode is one of those conversations that honestly feels heavy but necessary. Because many of us know someone like this. They grew up in church, they went to youth group, they knew worship songs, they heard sermons, they knew the church answers. They may even have served, led, gone on missions trips, or posted Bible verses online. And then somewhere along the way, they walked away. Maybe they started using the word deconstruction. Maybe they stopped going to church. Maybe they no longer identify as a Christian at all. So when that happens, it can be confusing and heartbreaking. So the question is, what's actually going on when someone grows up around Christianity but eventually walks away from the faith? And more importantly, what does the Bible have to say about it? What is deconstruction? First, let's talk about this word. Deconstruction is a word that gets used a lot right now, especially among young adults. At a basic level, deconstruction means someone is taking apart what they believe and asking questions like, why do I believe this? Is this actually biblical? Was this something Jesus taught, or was this just church culture? Did I believe this because I truly knew God or because I was raised around it? And I want to say this clearly: asking questions is not automatically wrong. God is not scared of honest questions. There are people in scripture who wrestle deeply. David cried out in the Psalms, Thomas had doubts, Job had questions. The Father in Mark chapter 9 said, I believe, help my unbelief. So we need to be careful not to treat every question like rebellion. Sometimes people are genuinely trying to understand what is true. But here's where deconstruction becomes dangerous. When the goal is no longer to find truth, but to dismantle truth. Because there is a difference between asking, Lord, help me understand you more deeply, and saying, I will only accept the parts of Christianity that fit what I already want to believe. That is where many people drift. They don't just deconstruct church culture, they begin deconstructing the authority of scripture, they begin deconstructing the exclusivity of Jesus. They begin deconstructing sin, repentance, holiness, salvation, hell, and the cross. And eventually they don't have biblical Christianity anymore. They have something they created. Growing up around faith is not the same as being saved. This is where we have to say something that may feel hard, but it is deeply biblical. Being around Christianity is not the same as belonging to Jesus. You can grow up in church and not be born again. You can know Bible stories and not know Jesus. You can sing worship songs and still have a heart far from God. Jesus says something sobering in Matthew chapter 7, verses 21 through 23. Not everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven. That should stop us in our tracks. Because Jesus is saying there will be people who will use his name, who appear religious, who may even do impressive things, and yet he says, I never knew you. Not, I knew you and I lost you. Not you were mine, but then you slipped away. He says, I never knew you. That is serious. It tells us that outward association with Christianity is not the same thing as inward transformation by Christ. One of the clearest verses on this is 1 John chapter 2, verse 19. It says, They went out from us, but they were not of us, for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. That verse is very direct. John is talking about people who appear to be part of the community of believers, but eventually departed. And he says their leaving reveals something. Now, that doesn't mean every person who struggles, doubts, or has a hard season is lost. That is not what I'm saying. A true believer can wrestle, a true believer can have doubts, a true believer can go through a dry season. A true believer can feel weak, tired, confused, or spiritually attacked. But there is a difference between struggling and abandoning Christ. The Bible teaches that those who truly belong to Jesus will be kept by him. They may stumble, but they will not finally and fully walk away from him forever. So when someone permanently rejects Christ, rejects the gospel, and walks away from the faith altogether, scripture tells us something very important. They may have been around the faith, but they were not truly rooted in Christ. Jesus actually explains this so clearly in the parable of the sower. In Matthew chapter 13, Jesus talks about seed falling on different types of soil. The seed represents the word of God, and the soil represents the condition of the heart. Some seed falls on rocky ground, it springs up quickly, but it has no root. When trouble or persecution comes, it falls away. That is so important. Because some people receive Christianity emotionally, culturally, or temporarily. They may have a season where they seem excited, they may look like they're growing, they may be involved, they may seem passionate, but there is no root. And when pressure comes, when suffering comes, when temptation comes, when hard questions come, when culture pushes back, when church hurt happens, what looked alive begins to wither. Why? Because it was not deeply rooted. That is why we cannot settle for surface level Christianity. We don't need people who just know how to look Christian. We need people who have been born again. Now let's talk about some of the reasons people walk away. And I want to be very careful here because every story is different. We don't know every person's heart. Only God knows a person's heart. But there are some common patterns. Sometimes people walk away because they were raised in religion, but never encounter Jesus personally. They knew church behavior, but not gospel transformation. They knew how to perform, but not how to abide. They learned rules, but not relationship. Sometimes people walk away because they experienced church hurt. And let's be honest, church hurt is real. People have been hurt by hypocrisy, spiritual abuse, harshness, gossip, legalism, racism, pride, manipulation, and leaders who did not reflect the heart of Jesus. We should never minimize that. But here's the hard truth. People can hurt you, but people are not Jesus. Bad representation of Jesus does not make Jesus false. Sometimes people walk away because they were discipled more by culture than by scripture. They spent hours and hours being shaped by TikTok, influencers, podcasts, celebrities, professors, friends, and social media conversations, but only minutes in the Word of God. And over time, the loudest voice became the voice that was the most believable. Sometimes people walk away because they love sin more than surrender. That may sound strong, but Jesus talks about this in John chapter 3. He says people love darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. Sometimes the issue is not that Christianity became intellectually impossible. Sometimes the issue is that Christianity became personally inconvenient. Because following Jesus means dying to self. It means repentance. It means surrender. It means that Jesus is Lord, not just Savior, not just comforter, not just a good teacher, but Lord. And that is where many people say, I don't want this anymore. Here's another way to think about it. Deconstruction does not always create unbelief. Sometimes it reveals what was already there. When someone starts questioning everything, what is underneath begins to show. If their faith was built on popularity, it may crumble. If their faith was built on family expectations, it may crumble. If their faith was built on emotional experiences, it may crumble. If their faith was built on church culture, it may crumble. But if their faith is truly built on Jesus, questions may shake them, but they will not ultimately destroy them. Because Jesus said in Matthew chapter 7 that the wise man built his house on the rock. The rain came, the floods came, the winds blew. And notice this, both houses faced storms. The difference wasn't whether storms came, the difference was the foundation. One house stood because it was built on the rock. That is the question for all of us. What is your faith actually built on? Is it built on your parents' faith, your church attendance, your ministry involvement, your emotions, your reputation, your ability to say the right things? Or is your foundation built on Jesus Christ? Now, if you're listening and you know someone who has walked away, I want to speak to you for a second. First, it's okay to grieve it. It's okay to be heartbroken. It is painful when someone you love rejects the truth. Second, don't become arrogant. We should never talk about people who walk away with pride or a see, I knew it, attitude. That is not the heart of Jesus. Third, pray. Pray that God would open their eyes. Pray that God would remove deception. Pray that he would convict them of sin. Pray that he would bring believers into their life. Pray that God would draw them to himself. Fourth, speak truth with love. Not truth without love. Not love without truth. Both. Because if we only speak truth without love, we can become harsh. But if we only speak love without truth, we may affirm people all the way into destruction. Jesus was full of grace and truth. That is what we want to reflect. And now I want to speak directly to the person who may be listening and thinking, you know, this is me. Maybe you grew up in church, but you walked away. Maybe you were hurt. Maybe you had questions no one answered well. Maybe you saw hypocrisy and you thought, if this is Christianity, I'm out. Maybe you don't know what to believe anymore. Can I say something gently but clearly? Do not confuse broken people with a false savior. Do not confuse church culture with Jesus Christ. Do not confuse your questions with proof that God is not real. And don't assume that because you were around Christianity, you actually belong to Jesus. That might sound intense, but it could be the most loving thing to consider. Because the greatest tragedy would be to have been around and near the things of God your whole life and still miss Jesus. So let me tell you the gospel clearly. The gospel is not go to church and be a good person. The gospel is not clean yourself up so God will accept you. The gospel is not be religious, no Bible verses, and try harder. The gospel is this: God is holy, we are sinners. Our sin separates us from God. We cannot save ourselves. But God in his love sent his one and only Son, Jesus Christ. Jesus lived the perfect life we could not live. He never sinned. He fully obeyed the Father. And then he went to the cross, not for his sin, but for our sin. He took the punishment we deserved. He shed his blood for sinners, and he died in our place. And he didn't stay dead. Three days later he rose again, proving he is who he said he is, defeating sin and death. And now the call is this repent and believe the gospel. Repent means turn from sin. Not just feel bad, not just be emotional, not just say a prayer while planning to keep living the same way. Repentance is turning from your sin and turning to Jesus. And believe means to trust him. Not trust your goodness, not trust your church background, not trust your parents' faith, and not trust your feelings. Trust Jesus. Romans chapter 10, verse 9 says, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. That's the invitation. So if you have walked away from the faith, or maybe you're realizing, I was around Christianity, but I don't know if I was ever truly saved. I want to invite you right now, come to Jesus. You are not too far gone. You are not too messy. You have not asked too many questions, but you do need to surrender. You do need to repent. You do need to believe. And if God is opening your eyes right now, do not harden your heart. Respond to Him. You can pray something like this Lord, I know I have sinned. I know I cannot save myself. I believe Jesus died for my sins and rose again. I turned from my sin and I put my trust in you. Save me. Make me new. I surrender my life to you. And if that is real, tell someone. Reach out to a mature believer. Send a direct message to our Instagram page at let's talkaboutit.convos. Also, open the Bible and start in the Gospel of John. Get connected to a Bible-believing church. Don't try to follow Jesus by yourself. So as we close, I want to leave you with this. Deconstruction is not something we should ignore. People are asking real questions. People are wrestling. People are walking away. But we need to respond biblically. We need to have compassion, but we also need conviction. We need to listen, but we cannot compromise truth. We need to care about people's stories, but we must care even more about their souls. Because at the end of the day, the issue is not just did they grow up in church? The issue is did they know Jesus? And for all of us listening, that is the question we need to ask ourselves too. Do I just know about Jesus or do I truly know him? Because a borrowed faith will not last, and a borrowed faith will not get you into heaven. A cultural faith will not save you, a performative faith will crumble, but real faith in Jesus Christ endures. So let's be people who are rooted, rooted in the word, rooted in the gospel, rooted in Jesus. Let's keep praying for those who have walked away, believing that God is still able to save. Thank you for tuning in to Let's Talk About It Mini Episode Number 26. We hope you're enjoying this series. Next week, we're diving into something real, the slow fade. What happens when faith starts slipping quietly? Are you compromising? Going along with a crowd? Surrounding yourself with voices that pull you away from truth? We're going to talk about the warning signs and how to catch it before it's too late. You don't want to miss this one. See you next time.