The truth about visibility

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Transcript

Speaker 3 0:00

Right, I'm really excited about today's episode because we're going to be sharing the truth about visibility and what a lot of people don't realise. And there are quite a few things, aren't there, Catherine?

Speaker 0:14

Absolutely. So I think the biggest thing to realise is that visibility is a crucial part of PR. You cannot um you cannot become more well known and build your person around without also more visible. And that sounds really obvious. And you're gonna say, well, of course, Catherine, like of course I know that. But what often happens is that people don't quite get their head around what being more visible might actually feel like to themselves. So the when you're used to sharing your content with a very specific number of people, for example, um it can feel a little bit scary. Um, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing. I think that's the biggest thing to get across that visible simply mean that you can share what you're doing with more people, that you can share your message, that you can make an impact. So that slight feeling of discomfort, we want you to run towards that discomfort rather than run away from it. I mean, you can certainly talk about your own if you've had about visibility, Loana, over the years.

Speaker 3 1:39

Gosh, even now, you know, if I have a story going out, particularly if it's a personal one, you know, one that I've had or maybe still have some sort of emotional attachment to, when they go out, it's like it feels really jarring. And the first thing that happens is I start to think, am I doing something wrong? Because it feels wrong. And this is when a lot of people would mistakenly go, oh, I must not be meant to do this because it feels all wrong. But the reason it feels wrong is because our unconscious is wanting to keep us safe, right? Think about the things that have happened in history when people have expressed themselves, when people have become more visible, when people have shown who they truly are, they've been punished for it. Think about when you were a child, like when when we're children, there was this whole narrative around children should be seen and not heard. And if you said something out of line, then you got punished for it. Well, of course, those programs are still going to be running in our unconscious, and that's all that is. But what we've got to do is when we feel that fear, instead of running from it, we absolutely run towards it, and we play the part of the adult in that role because those fears are they're they're just our inner child, they're our inner child shouting for attention, and the worst thing we can do is block them out. The best thing we can do is listen to them and then be the actual parent in that situation and respond to those fears and tell them, look, it's going to be okay. I'm not a child anymore. Like I can handle this now. This is how I know I can handle it. This is the worst case scenario. And if that happens, do you know what? We're going to be absolutely fine because this is our way out of it. That is the way.

Speaker 3:51

Absolutely. And the reason we're telling you that you might find it a little bit scary isn't to scare you, it's the opposite. It's to give you the tools you need so that if you know that this might come, it's not gonna catch you by surprise. So, what usually happens um with people that are not prepared for it, or they might feel a little bit, they might get this fear of visibility, is they become more visible, they have they might have a successful um PR campaign, they might um get an interview in and out that they like, and uh they uh achieve their goal of what they've set out to do, and it's fabulous, and then they suddenly think, Oh no, and it doesn't quite feel great to them, and they think, as Luana sort of suggested, that they kind of go, Oh, you know, this is my soul telling me that this is the wrong thing to do, this is a sign from you know, whatever you're believing that signs might come from that this isn't the right thing for me to do. Actually, no, it's your own fear. So if you know that you can act like oh, okay, this is just what's happening. I remember when I had my children, knowing that you were gonna feel a bit weepy after you'd had a baby made it was really helpful because you could be like, oh, okay, it's not me going mad, this is what everybody goes through. And what we're here to say is this is what everybody goes through on some level, some people more than others, but everybody goes through that on some level, and it's just a normal and natural part of becoming more visible, it's not something to um to don't worry about the getting worried, you know, and but just accept that it's gonna happen at some point, and it might happen at different times, so you might um it might catch you a little bit by surprise. So, we're gonna talk a bit about some of the different ways it can show up, and you are very rarely gonna turn around and say to yourself, I am scared of being visible. That's not gonna be a thought that crosses your mind. You're not gonna think, oh, I'm scared of being visible, my subconscious is trying to keep myself safe, unless you've done a lot of inner work. That's not gonna be the first thing that comes to you. What might be is you might start thinking, oh, actually, do I really want to do PR? Or should I actually redesign my website or do a new logo? Or shall I change my message? Shall I suddenly do something different? Shall I take down my website just as I've had a massive thing? And you'll start doing these like little self-sabotaging behaviors, and you will think at the time that this is a totally rational thing to do. You'll be like, oh, but my my logo does look a little bit like it needs some work, and maybe I want to change the name of my business, even though I've just been in the telegraph talking about my business. Maybe I'm gonna change it to being the name of my first dog when I was a child or something like that. And you will think these things are completely rational thoughts, but really it will all be your kind of subconscious going, oh, hang on a minute, let's get back. You've put your head above the parapet, uh, you know, maybe nothing bad happened, but let's just get you back down, just in case, just in case something bad might happen, let's keep you in obscurity because your uh protective uh um brain uh is fighting against your goals. It's not it's thinking what's safe. Safe is your comfort zone, safe is your small trusted circle, safe is hiding from any potential threat. Safe isn't exploding your business on a global level and achieving your dreams and reaching all these new people and shouting about the things that matter to you from the rooftop. That's what you want, but that's not safe, so that's what you will fight against.

Speaker 2 8:23

That exactly, and that is why, like, it's only the most badass that does this stuff and is in it for the long run, you know, is in it for it to have the effect that it does.

Speaker 3 8:37

Like, so many come in and they just like so many stop, yeah, and they just dip their toes in. Um, and they do get scared, like other things, uh it's like you said, it's not so obvious. Like some people will have like the negative voices saying, like, maybe you're not good enough, and all of that kind of stuff. But most likely with the people who are ready for PR, they they've already done personal development, most of them have. So then it's not going to be as obvious as that, is it? So that that's a big one, and another one is um just thinking that everything has to be perfect, and um it doesn't like so many people think that when they start PR, that is gonna be like this explosive effect, and people are gonna be clamoring to work with them and everything like that, but it's a much more gradual build. It's not like that, and that means that you can start PR and you can do whatever you want to your website and get everything ready at the same time, you don't have to delay, you don't have to delay, and I I hear so many people saying things like um, the media won't be interested in me because I'm not a 59 billion figure coach or whatever.

Speaker 10:08

It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter, absolutely, and I think there's lots of stories that we tell ourselves, aren't there, about who we think is interesting, and you never find yourself as interesting as other people will find you. That's a crucial thing to realise because your stories are a life that you've already lived, and you are so used to your own stories that you're never going to know how interesting that they are to other people. So that's one thing to bear in mind that that is a really common voice that will kind of go, oh, you know, does that really matter? Should I be telling this? Or and it catastrophizing potential things that could go wrong. But what we suggest to people is that think about what could go right, don't always think about what could go wrong. Think about that's the energy. Like, what would happen if you were able to tell a million people tomorrow about what it is that you do and the things that really matter to you? What's the potential thing that could happen? Instead of thinking, oh, but maybe 20 of them will be horrible and they'll write nasty comments, and maybe my mum will think that I was a bit of an idiot, or maybe I haven't got a nice picture that I'm happy with. That would like, don't think those things through, those will be the little thoughts that might come up, but think about the bigger impact, the what could happen, what how could that potentially help you reach your goals if you will have that opportunity to tell so many people about what you're doing? I think for the vast majority of people, their business, the main limitation of their business is just that enough people don't know what they're doing. That's it. It's not that what they're doing isn't great, it's not that they're not getting good results, it's that actually do enough people know that they exist, know that they can help them. And if you can get around more people, think of the opportunities, think of the the positives. Um, I do want to talk about some of the things that that we've noticed with people, and we won't, I won't name any names obviously of anybody that I've I've come across, but what will often happen is somebody will say, Oh, Catherine, Luana, we really want to be on TV. TV is what I really want, and then we'll be like, Great, and then we'll one thing you have to kind of understand as well is that things like live TV and radio often moves really quickly, so then we'll be like, Brilliant, could you be on this TV show or this radio show tomorrow at 9 am? And what often happens is they'll say, Oh no, I normally do this at 9am. I actually have this like breakfast routine where you know maybe I make this there, or uh uh well I could, but I haven't done my hair, and I haven't done this, and there'll be something that will their initial reaction is often a no, and it's not because they don't want to be on TV, they want to be on TV, they know the sensible logical part of their brain knows that that is the right move for them, that that is a good thing, but their panic thing comes in, and what usually we do is we we just sort of talk them through that and actually get them, and usually people will then go, actually, yeah, no, I do really want to do it, and maybe I could rearrange that thing that I was going to do, or I could actually just go on as I am, you know, and not worry about buying a whole new wardrobe or having a makeover or whatever the little thing that pops up. But it's actually a really common thing with people at all levels. This isn't just people who haven't had PR, this is people at all levels when they actually are offered what they really want. This little voice popped up and it goes, Oh, hang on a minute, there must be a catch here, I think. So I'm I'm gonna step away and I'm gonna find an excuse.

Speaker 2 14:41

I'm laughing so much because I recognize myself in that, Catherine. So, right, Lost TV. Um Lost TV spot.

Speaker 3 14:53

I did. I remember because look, I go through this pro I go through our VIP process, by the way, just like a client. And um, of course I do. Why would I do my own PR when my amazing team can do it? So what happened was I got off of this uh TV spot, and my initial reaction was to go, oh, I can't do it, I can't do it because of this, this, this, this, and this. I've got too much going on. And then I just had to stop, pause, and go, okay, I can see what I'm doing here. Okay, of course I can do it, of course I can work things out. This is what I want. And look, we're not pretending here either that things don't go wrong. Like sometimes things will go wrong, but what you absolutely have to do is trust yourself enough to know that you can absolutely deal with that, and if you can't trust yourself enough, then trust us to know that we've got you, you know. Um, because yeah, sometimes you might be getting negative comments or you might have fluffed something during an interview or whatever, but everything, I promise you, everything will be okay. And you know, from my experience as well, something that I've learned the hard way over the years is that this belief that is ingrained into us about it being safer to stay silent is absolutely false. So through my own experiences in business, I know that every single time when things, like if there's been something happening, let's say um being trolled, accusations, whatever, all of that stuff. Every single time when I've stayed silent, other people have then had the freedom to choose my reputation for me, to decide who I am. And then whenever I've come back fighting and I've gone, no, that's not yours to decide. I'm gonna find my voice, I'm gonna get my voice heard. Everyone else has then shut the fuck up. Yeah. So I know that it's far safer being visible than not. It gives you power. Like I had an experience where people were making so many accusations, and they seemed to be 24-7 on the socials, like reaching out to everybody I worked with, everybody I was connected with, like saying all of these awful things about me. And then what did I do? I mean, I hid initially, I will admit. And then when I came back fighting, I spoke to a journalist for 10 minutes, and I reached millions. I can't remember how many millions, but it was, you know, millions, as opposed to I don't know how many people they were reaching, but nowhere near the level that I of people that I could reach. And I also wrote an article on it as well for a big publication, and I got that published. Um, and everything went silent. Like, if there are people who like because the big fear of being visible is that there are going to be people out there that are out to get you, but you giving them power and staying silent is more likely to make that happen than you owning your power, owning your voice, and speaking your truth.

Speaker 18:49

Yeah. And it's about kind of shining a light on what you are, what you're doing, what matters to you, your values, what who you are as a person. And that will sometimes get people going, oh, you know, what are they doing in the papers again? What are they, you know, people criticize when there's jealousy, things like that. So it's not always that you will um say something even controversial, people might roll their eyes, but actually, again, think about the other side of that. What's the ripple effect that you can have with your message? If you have got something important to say, what who what what about all the people that you can help with your message? It doesn't matter if your next door neighbor goes, oh, she's in the magazines again. Like that is pale in comparison to actually really helping people with what you've got to say. Um, I think really I just want everybody to almost like put an armour up before they go into being visible so that they know, okay, there are gonna be days where I question myself, I question whether this is what I want to do, I feel a little bit odd when I see an article. Maybe I'm like the headline makes me go, ooh, or I um I start getting distracted by other shiny, shiny things, and I think, oh, maybe I'll do this. But if you know to look out for those signs, you know, okay, that's normal, and I'm gonna keep doing what I'm doing anyway, and I'm gonna go for it, and I'm gonna resist the urge to lean into the no's. So whenever there's a potential uh um opportunity, uh like uh if you think no initially, just sit with it for a while, don't immediately say no, sit with it and then ask yourself why you're saying no. Are you saying no because maybe there is a good reason? So that's why you know you need to sit with it because maybe there is a good reason, or maybe it is actually you getting in your own way and thinking, oh, I don't really want to do that, or maybe I'm a bit busy. If it's that you're a little bit busy and it's your dream publication, I usually say to people, but is there not a way that maybe you could clear your diary for this thing that you really, really, really want? And you know, if it's a something really crucial like your daughter's wedding, clearly you can't clear your diary, but if it's something like you're having your hair cut, you probably could move that at a point. So it's about sitting with it, asking yourself and just examining it, looking a little bit deeper, what's actually going on here? Because there's a number of times, and Luana's said this herself earlier in the episode that she will get in her own way sometimes, and I often have to say, Luana, I think this is your we like have a little nickname, we'll call them like visibility goblins. Like, this is your visibility goblins at work here, because I can recognise what's a real issue, what is an actual thing of yeah, that isn't the right thing for you, and I can also see what's uh getting in your own way thing, and what's a maybe uh um an unnecessary no instead of a kind of a well, it actually could be an enthusiastic yes instead of a kind of a fearful no. So just knowing that that can happen, really hoping that that's gonna give you like the armour you need to put yourself out there and actually get the results because what you're really wanting is to share what you do with a wider audience, and that's that's the thing to focus in on. Think about the dream and not worry about each individual detail on the way, just focus on on getting out there and making yourself the the way who you are stuff or you desire 100%, and just to wrap it up, like the biggest fears that do come up for people are around judgment and criticism.

Speaker 3 23:19

And look, there's only two opinions that actually matter that is your own, and that is your ideal clients. Nobody else's opinion matters. So we will finish up there and we will see you next time.

Speaker 1 23:40

And that's it for today's dose of unfiltered PR truths. To find out more about how you can work with Dauntless PR, drop me a message on Facebook, Luana Ribeira, or email hello at dauntlesspr.com