Saying goodbye: how do we send well and grieve well when students graduate? - with Steve & Carol Stratton

For our final episode of the season we are joined by Dr Steve & Carol Stratton to explore the yearly work of sending and grieving as our students graduate. 

There's forty years of lived experience as teachers, professors and parents in this one, alongside Steve's expertise as a therapist on the campus. Not to be missed!

And for those of you with churches that also have high school seniors... learn more about preparing and sending your youth to thrive in college with our Prep for College resources, course and webinar training:

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Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:01

You're listening to the Church and College Student Podcast brought to you by Fusion USA and our friends.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Conversations to strengthen you and your church with the tools and confidence to love, reach, and disciple college students.

SPEAKER_05 0:17

Well, welcome everybody to the Church and College Student Podcast. My name is Brandon Shook, most probably lovingly known as Shook, and then my friend, Miriam Swanson.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

Hey team, it's good to be back with our final episode of season two of the podcast. We hope you've enjoyed it. Please listen to the back catalogue. We're finishing this one on an absolute upswing happy note because it's about grief. Hooray! But we've actually had we've just had a very upbeat conversation given we're talking about grieving and the loss of graduating students every year. So but I actually felt like the conversation was light and equipping, despite the sad nature of talking about some of this stuff, right?

SPEAKER_05 0:56

Really sweet. I mean, it it was really sweet. And to Miriam, I mean, to use Miriam's word, it was light. Um, to and and what a what a way to deal with such a just a heavy time and a heavy season.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

Yeah, and we just want to say to you, you know, before we dive into listening to Carolyn Steve Stratton and our conversation, like we know that it does, it is wearing on a church community to every year have the revolving doors of the entrance and the exit of new college students. It takes a lot of energy and effort to meet everyone at the start and integrate them. And it takes a lot of energy and effort to say goodbye to people that you've been discipling. And so the reason we did this episode is partly just to name that, to say that we see you, we're with you, and also to just say keep going, because we know there is no end to discipleship. So in some ways, it it you every year I ask Jesus, give me fresh vision and imagination for college student mission, because there's a cyclical nature to it that is both hard and good. And so we hope you enjoyed this episode today, and we just want to say keep going, grieve well, love well, and rest well in the summer. Um, but yeah, enjoy listening to Carol and Steve. Well, Carol and Steve Stratton, we are delighted to have you as our guests on actually the final episode of season two of the Church and College Students podcast. Now, Carol and Steve are a look, disclaimer, they're family friends of mine, they're additional American parents, they've made friends with my parents. It's all a bit, you know, weird, but we've invited them on because they also have a lot of skin in the game when it comes to the flourishing of life on campus and college students, uh, when it comes to the local church playing its part in discipleship. So I'm going to let them introduce themselves and uh give you a bit more colour to them. But just so you know, yes, they are big friends of fusion, but they're also um really seasoned practitioners when it comes to engaging with the campus. And particularly as we talk about grief today, you'll hear from their stories as they come out that they've got uh some really helpful and deep perspectives, as well as some professional perspectives, on how we might uh journey the ebb and flow of the sending and receiving of young people year on year when we work in this kind of mission. So thank you, Strattons, for joining us today. Could you um tell our listeners what you want them to know about you that would fill in some context? What do you want to tell them about you?

SPEAKER_01 3:22

Um well, both of us have journeyed with Jesus for over 50 years. And so I love that to say we are slow learners. We are still here, he's still teaching us. There is so much to learn, and we are excited to walk with him. We've been married for 44 years. Um, our children are uh nearing middle age, um, and they are professionals in their own right, and we have served in the student community for decades. I have um been a career educator in elementary and uh middle school, so um have worked with many, many thousands of teenagers and love them deeply and dearly. Steve has worked with the college and university and and graduate programs, and our house has been a welcome, mat, and revolving door to students. And so we have been uh mom and dad and grandma and grandma.

SPEAKER_02 4:36

Yeah, that is that is the strange part when people start sending their children to the people we've had in or and their grandchildren. Wow. Because this will be about I think we're going in, I'm going into my fourth year, 40th year uh in college in and seminary education.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

So it's longer than I've been alive, Steve, and I just want you to know that for the record.

SPEAKER_02 4:58

The cool thing is all over, I would say the cool thing is we've uh um everything's been about students. I mean, if you if you ask me what's been central for this the ministry and the vocation that we've taken on, students are right in the core of it. And we have grown so much. We've we've gotten back a whole lot more than we've given in the context of that.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

So Steve, what's your actual job in these kind of 40 years? What do you actually do? What's your kind of background professionally on that bit?

SPEAKER_02 5:28

Sure. I'm a licensed psychologist and I'm uh the professor for counseling and pastoral care at the seminary now. But I used to run a counseling center on campus at the university and also taught there as well. And then Carol and I were both uh we kind of teamed up to be sponsors for one of the classes. So we, one of the classes that came into Asbury University, you know, 300 students, we were the mom and dad for that as well, and carried them through. And now we see them on reunion every five years.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

So there you go. And so this, folks, is why we've asked these two to come and share their stories today about grieving well and releasing college students year after year, because we are literally talking decades of having to work out that process and then Steve actually being qualified to talk about grief in a psychological sense, which is well-rounded podcast today. There we go, guys. You're welcome. Nothing but the best from Fusion USA.

SPEAKER_05 6:21

Oh, yes. Well, uh, where I'd like to start is just um asking both of you why do you think the moment of graduation is oftentimes more emotionally complex than we expect for students, the leaders, faculty, parents. And again, you guys hit like all of those things. So could you share a little bit about that?

SPEAKER_01 6:49

Um graduation is no matter what stage you are, uh, is a pinnacle moment. It is a tenth stake in the ground, it is marked on the calendar, it is attended by many, it is recognized publicly, it is a big deal. And it is the culminating moment. It is it is the culminating moment of all that you have invested. And it is a rite of passage as we watch our students walk through a door. They commence, they begin again, they're commencing into something. But here's the high anxiety. There are dangling question marks about what is ahead. Right. Um, there are dangling question marks about are they ready? Will they make it? Have we invested enough? Yeah, did we get it right enough? There are anxieties on our part. There is so much more we could have done. And so all of those anxieties swirl around that moment.

unknown 7:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:54

And it's tied to And I think the It's tied to what?

SPEAKER_02 7:58

Sorry, let me go let me wax psychologically here for a second. Because the I I think the uh I think the important thing that we uh Westerners, uh, and not say Western broadly speaking, uh don't realize is that that we oftentimes carry with us uh kind of a consumeristic view of relationship. And so when we lose something or something breaks down, we just go out and replace it. We try to fix it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

And relationships don't work that way. Uh, but we sometimes treat them that way. And we don't realize, I think, as a result, how relationships are central to who we are and the way we make meaning in the world. And so when when people are leaving our lives, particularly people that we've invested in and they've invested in us, and we've worked together and served together, and uh, and you know, all of those kinds of things, when that's when when it's those kinds of people, uh, their departure is more than just uh leave, you know, you'll say, you know, goodbye, we'll we'll see you later, you know, it's been good. It's there's something that's becomes different in the way we make meaning. It's like something is is taken from the core of our foundation. And that's not something that heals very quickly. It's got to be, in a sense, rebuilt uh as people lead. And so this is this is something that's that, at least from a psychological standpoint, is really profound. So the grief that we feel is not something that we should just dismiss, put aside because it's like, oh, we shouldn't be feeling this, or we should be stronger. No, no. This is really core stuff. And for those of us who are working with with a uh a commencement every year, or we're working with those kind of things, we're hitting that point. Uh, and and we have to grow into the ability to know how to manage that the as you said, the emotional complexity, Chuck. It's it really is emotionally complex in a deeper way than we ever than we Westerners often realize.

SPEAKER_01 10:00

You know, the remarkable thing though is the grief that we feel is actually a reflection of the love that we've invested. So it's a good sign. It is a good sign. And it's just a way of recognizing that. And after so many graduations over four decades, we realize that that grief is part of the normal process. We've loved well, the scent is part of success. They've made it, it's always good, it's good news.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

And even with those complicated relationships, the ones that have been difficult, but still the grieving that we do is it is evidence of the love that we we had even in those complex relationships. And so it's it's reassuring at the same time as it's painful.

SPEAKER_00 10:52

You know, we have a lot of church leaders and college pastors that will be listening to this, and um and it'll come out just before graduation, this episode. And it is relentless, it is a bit wearing. And when it comes to discipleship and emotional investment in people's lives, you know, the church has really, you know, a lot of these churches have poured themselves into these young people. And now you're in a context where so many, so few people could stay because where you live is tiny. Like they they actually have to go. Um do you know what I mean? Like you live in a village essentially. Um, but there are other people where um students could choose to stay because it's a big city scenario, but they they choose to go somewhere else, or God's provision for a a job, maybe isn't what the church hoped because we don't get to keep them, or I'd love to hear some stories or or advice really for all these leaders that are about to go through the goodbyes again. Like, how do you process that well? What what does grieving well look like um in the saying goodbye because they're hitting it literally like next week?

SPEAKER_01 12:00

Well, I would like to reframe that whole idea of saying goodbye in the grieving into this. When you work with students and when you work with God's kingdom, there's never a goodbye. It's just see you later. It's always see you later. And it's either see you later there or it is see you later here somewhere. We have had hundreds of students who have boomeranged back around. I have had students I taught at grade five or grade eight, and they have grown into colleagues of mine that taught at my same school. Um uh Steve just recently had a counselor come in and she said, Is your wife Mrs. Stratton? And he said, Yes.

SPEAKER_04 12:54

And he said, Yes.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

And he said, she taught me in grade eight, and tell her I still remember the preamble to the Constitution. And so we have we have discovered that while our hearts may have kind of the grippers and we may be clutching our pearls about sending these students off and and leaving this vacancy for us, it's like wait for it. They end up coming back around and and we carry communications with many, many students. And and be assured that the good work that God began in those people when they came into your life, that He was doing that work beforehand, He continues it while you work with them, and He continues it as they exit your intimate environment.

SPEAKER_02 14:01

Yeah, I would also say for those that are going through this, and I'm getting ready for another commencement myself in all of this, but I the thing I think we we uh hopefully we will remember is that we're still modeling something in the way we do leave-taking and grieving. We're still teaching, we're we're still still helping them to understand that this is a normal part of life and and that relationships don't end. The bonds that have been created uh will change, they will shift, but they don't go away. Emotional bonds do not leave, they do not die uh in in that sense. And so I think helping people know that leave taking is where we get a chance to show again what it means to be stable and secure in the knowledge that God is faithful and the relationships that we've built are ongoing. And um, and then we can cry together, we can we can laugh together, we can reminisce. And I would say leave taking is a lot about reminiscing. Leave taking is a lot about remembering, celebrating the things, the hardships, as well as the the other details, having those intent intentional discussions where we kind of process what we've done together for celebration, also for learning. Things we don't want to do, things we don't want to do again. Uh I think that's all a part of it.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

That's actually really practical advice. Like, I just wonder around like what would like a senior's story sharing night look like for a church where you go back and testify to your last two or three years or four years, depending on that journey.

SPEAKER_04 15:34

And yeah, that's a great idea.

SPEAKER_00 15:36

And like even just you know where the concern is in me for church leaders as they listen to that is it is unsustainable. It is unsustainable to not send them and let go because you do you know what I mean? Like you you literally can't keep pastoring and discipling every student that was your student or under your care or in your group. And so finding ways to reminisce and celebrate, but also so there's a boundary. Like I just am I would be so concerned if everyone thought because of social media they could actually stay in touch with all 50 college students of the last five years they've worked with. Do you know what I mean? Like that'd be a disaster.

SPEAKER_05 16:14

50 students each year, right? Like, yeah, right. Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:17

For some big churches, they might graduate 100 students. And I'm like, social media will say that you're in touch, but yeah, there's also got to be a goodbye that's a boundary in a bit, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 16:26

Like and I think part of part of the work we do with students is actually getting them ready to leave. I think we're not gonna we're not good doing good discipleship if our students want to just think it in some sense, good discipleship means we've created a secure base and a safe haven for them to learn and grow. But in doing so, they are secure enough, they they feel grounded enough to be looking outward and saying, I God's calling me there. You know, God's calling me out.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

And we encourage that, we believe in that. Right. We've vision into grudge it, like we vision into them so they can go after it. It's not make their time at the end so miserable that they want to leave us.

SPEAKER_00 17:12

Well, that that is a way to do it.

SPEAKER_02 17:16

Periodically that we go, you know, it's kind of good that they're leaving.

SPEAKER_00 17:20

Of course there is.

SPEAKER_02 17:20

Everyone's gone by glad to leave too. So I think it is it's the natural growth uh of disciples that they begin to look out and say, God's calling me out there.

SPEAKER_05 17:35

Yeah, that's man, that I mean, I think it's so good. I I also love that you touched on the fact of just students, not necessarily that they were difficult, but maybe they had a difficult time. You know, just all of those sorts of things too, that it is that that is too a part of the process, right? And and even in the reminiscing of it, I love that word um in this moment, um, just because like when you think of your students, uh I've I spent two decades plus in like youth ministry, and so sending in that way and those sorts of things, but you know, five years later, maybe after college, maybe during or beyond, right? Like now I now have students that are having kids and those sorts of things, but you you you see them and you do reminisce, but then you are so thankful for the growth that has happened in their life, you know, and those sorts of things. And so it's just a beautiful thing because you all of the all of the celebrations and all of the difficulty, you've watched them go through it all. And that's that's fun. And just speaking of reminiscing, what are just some things that that you guys have learned from students about letting go and trusting and God's faithfulness in the transition season?

SPEAKER_02 18:52

It's good. I think I think the first thing that I think about is something that we've already mentioned, or I've already mentioned, and it's the idea that that the emotional bonds that we create in these contexts do not go away. Uh it's amazing when students come back with testimonies. Some of them are hard and difficult, and some of them are wonderful and joyous. Uh, usually it's a mixture of both. But the but when they come back, uh they're coming back to a person to persons with whom they bonded. And it and it's like we the foundation that got created isn't gone. We carry it with us. As a matter of fact, I like to I like to see it as as in many ways, we care they carry us around in them, and we carry them around in us, and we sometimes we hear them speaking to us, and I know that sounds a little hallucinant.

SPEAKER_00 19:45

Okay, psychologist, do you need a diagnosis, sir?

SPEAKER_02 19:47

Happy to help. But I think but I think they tell us that they carry us around with them. It's you know, though they they hear our voices periodically. And I think those are the those are the ones where we've had that deep connection.

SPEAKER_04 20:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

It and and that's not a crazy kind of thing. That really is the natural thing that happens when relationships get internalized and and they're they're deep. And when they come back then to talk with us, that's still there and we're still growing it, and we're adding new experiences to the process and hearing about new experiences, and it's just fun.

SPEAKER_01 20:22

And those students who have blessed us and blown us away when they were with us, um, they surprise us when we reconnect because they remind us of our own influence in their lives. We realize that it's so mutual. And, you know, I like to say that that what they taught us and their impact on our lives, as leaders, we don't just have a one-way impact. You know, they are impactful to us, and we need to be teachable and be reminded of that and be uh humble enough to receive the wisdom that comes from our students. Um, but when we do that, we get to carry treasure. And I laugh, I tell Steve, and they carry our residue, you know?

SPEAKER_05 21:12

Is that a fair trade-off residue from treasure?

SPEAKER_00 21:17

That that is really helpful, Carol, because um sometimes we do come across churches that are reticent to engage with the campus because their lines are students come, they take what they can in this life stage, and then they leave again and they probably don't even give. Now that gives at me being actually that much more blunt, like than they uh than some people express around why they don't want to invest in the campus as local churches or as um older disciples. And so it's really helpful to hear that perspective on what you might miss if you don't give yourself to them, even and I mean I've said it before, but imagine if Jesus said that about humanity on the three years he gave to his disciples. It's like, oh, it's not really worth it for three years. Unless I've got you for 30 and your tithing, it's not really helpful. Like that's insane. We wouldn't know Jesus today were it not for his investment in young adults for a short amount of time. So it's just helpful to hear that your lived experience over decades is a richness, even in the giving. We know, we know scripture says it's more blessed to give than to receive. But it's really helpful to actually hear your living proof of being like, we are better disciples of Jesus because of that.

SPEAKER_02 22:27

Miriam, I I think you're exactly right. I would I would also say that that if we're not seeing our our uh the people we're working with, the people we're loving, the people we're giving to, if we're not seeing them want to give back, that may be a problem with the conditions we're creating in our discipling. Good cool. Good cool, Steve. Because I think good discipling always leads to people looking outside themselves. Good discipling is always for the sake of others.

unknown 22:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:58

And so if they're not giving back, I'd be beginning to wonder what's insecure? What's what's what what kind of self-protectiveness do they need to be looking about in their own system?

SPEAKER_01 23:08

And growing student leadership at whatever level it is, developmental level it is, and we've seen them all, is about working yourself out of aspects of your own job.

SPEAKER_04 23:22

Yeah, good.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

Giving them the safe environment in which to do it, to learn it, to try it, to attempt it. Yeah, that's good. And then giving them feedback and add a boy, add a girl in the aftermath. And God is not constrained by a 12-month calendar. He's not constrained by three years or four years. He is not. And we've had instance after instance where we went into something and we thought, it's 12 months. What's gonna happen in 12 months? Nothing significant, and the most significant things break through. So I would say, be open, be humble enough to be open that God can move in remarkable ways and break through in the student life that you think this is a totally lost cause.

SPEAKER_04 24:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 24:19

Well, Carol, just to tag on to what you just said, I went to a conference in the fall and we had some young adults that were actually in it, like in the room with us. And the question was asked to them like, what do you guys want basically, like in an environment? And and the the college students that were with us, they said, we we don't care. We truly just want a place, whether it be a living room, a conference room, and a church, it really doesn't matter. We just want to feel welcomed and like we belong and just loved on. That's that's all we want. And like what you just said is whether it's a place that's super humble or a place that's extravagant, they really just want to feel like they are welcomed and belong in that space. And so God can move in all of it, right? That's just yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

As I was, um, I've had a career teaching in pu in the mission field of public school, and I realized that there were many uh fractured lives that came through my door. And I could not um address every crisis in every child's life, in every student's life. I just couldn't.

SPEAKER_00 25:32

That's right.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

But what I could do is I could create the climate in my classroom for safety, for belonging, for security, where they felt valued. And when you have those elements, every person in the room is open to learn because it's safe enough to discover. Amen. And that's what we create. We give them a holding environment that says we're not going to hold you forever, but we're going to make this climate such that you can relax and be open to the movement of the Holy Spirit. He is here and he is now.

SPEAKER_02 26:10

And I think the belonging word is the one in the research right now that is so important. I think it's one of those things where when we create the conditions for belonging, when it's healthy, has both support and challenge. Uh we don't, we don't find that students have to stay with us. They again are are secure enough to move out, to explore, to do those kinds of things. And here's the cool thing is watching them move out from where we are to to create and find belonging outside of here. That's the thing that's so impressive for me watching God work in their lives to reproduce. If they're not reproducing, again, it's it's something we got to think about our discipleship.

SPEAKER_00 26:56

That's right. Um, so today I just had to do the very uh emotional thing of looking around schools for my uh four nearly five-year-old. And uh I'm right at the start of the journey uh that one day we'll end in being an empty nester. I mean, ideally, a little girl's gonna start paying rent. But um, it just really made me reflect on in this podcast today because there were uh there was a grief that came in thinking about my little one uh being at the start of her journey down the co the corridors and halls of schools, and also having seniors graduating high school did some presentations about their foundations at this lovely school and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But they're actually telling us where they're off to college in the fall because they've just got their places and um and just recognizing, oh, my life, like here we go. This has been my job for so long, and now it's like my joy to walk it with a little person. And so I I I wanted to ask you guys from the empty nesters perspective, maybe it's just selfishly because I'm in that sort of emotional state today, and I've just seen all these high school seniors be like, I'm going to college, bye-bye. And I'm like, ugh. Um, talk to us about um the grief as parents, because there's some people listening who are church leaders, college pastors, and parents as well. And also, you know, this is gonna be equipping for mums and dads that are trying to send their seniors well into the next stage of life. Is there anything you'd say just about your experience of um parents and letting go and sending on and the grief and joy of that bit as well?

SPEAKER_01 28:32

I was gonna say well, I I'm gonna share something very personal, which was my primer for this kind of life lesson. Um, I'm from a family of four girls, no brothers. Um, and our youngest sister was had very fragile health issues. And as a result of that, she had uh profound limitations, and that changed our family dynamic, of course, but it was um interesting to watch the three older siblings take flight and to see our youngest sister safe in the nest. And for me, she was loved and she was cared for until she went to heaven. We feel like too early, but she went to the front of the class, and you know, those those bright ones, they just go. So the rest of us have a lot to learn. And but I realized that moving forward and going through doors and and taking flight is is the best normal there is. It's healthy, it's healthy because I've seen what it's not. And and so she taught me so much.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

And I think the cool thing for me, Miriam, and even in what you're describing is that that we begin to to teach our children, or at least model for our children in ways that are appropriate uh uh developmentally, we begin to model for them that that leave taking and grieving is just a normal part of us as human beings. And and so and so I I I I often are am talking to parents about about uh yes, we feel anxious, yes, we feel fearful, those are normal sorts of emotions, but again, we don't want to pass them on to we don't want to pass them on to our students, no matter what age they are. We want to be able to set, you know, to live in that in that place where uh God starts most of a lot of his conversations in the old and new testament with, or at least his angels do, with don't be afraid. I've got I've got you. I'm holding you in the midst of all of these grieving moments.

SPEAKER_01 30:49

And when I think about our own children, I I think the last thing I want to bequeath to them are my anxieties for their life. Yes. Right.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

That's what I was trying to say.

SPEAKER_01 31:02

There you go.

SPEAKER_02 31:05

You said it so much better.

SPEAKER_01 31:07

Anyway, you we we don't want to have their living legacy be all of our fears. We want to remind them of their story and that their legacy is actually, you know, written in God's heart. Yeah. And that we have given our children, we are stewards, and we have given our children, they are his. Right. And and so as we work with our students or as we work with our own children, we are continually reminded that the father, the, you know, the the father is really lord of all of that. And we are all in the learning process. Yeah. All of us.

SPEAKER_00 31:52

Yeah. That's good. That's good. And for those of you listening, this is prep for college season, which means for those of you that aren't parents of high school seniors and might not quite clock that, or for those of you that have youth groups and student groups and sending and transitioning well in that moment hasn't really formulated beyond goodbye, or maybe a prayer at the front one Sunday. We would really invite you to go deeper into this work of reflection, release, and also commissioning into the mission field and joy that is the potential for a disciple on the college campus. And so you can go on our website right now and check out our new Prep for College training course. Our resource already exists there. You can buy it for your kid, you can do it with your kid, you can do it as a whole church. You could do it. I mean, I'd love to see church-wide uh initiatives across cities commission and disciple their young people together for the next stage rather than don't let them be the stat, the drop-off stat, because nobody thought to walk them through a bridge really well. And don't let our young people think that they aged out of discipleship because the youth programme ended, rather than they matured into the next stage of what it means to follow Jesus as a missionary on the campus and to thrive in your faith. And anyway, we've got a bunch of resources to to bridge that gap, whether you're a parent, a pastor, a volunteer, or a student um staff member. Please um, hey, and if you're a high school student and a real keen being listening to this for some unknown reason, God bless you, thank you. You can get the book yourself and do it in your bedroom. If you're the only one, you can still prepare your heart, soul, and practically for that transition, not only the grief, but the opportunity that comes with leaving a home in high school. So if I can just wanted to say that, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 33:36

Miriam, uh, I what you're describing, uh, I can't remember all the R's that you mentioned. Reflection, something, but I want to add one. I want to add an R. Uh is that uh remembering together is such a powerful part of this. And for churches to remember, to have memories that are shared of their students, uh, no matter where they are, no matter what's the, you know, the that that is a powerful time uh when people churches are saying, Yes, we know you. You know, we seem good. We we we like we like you, you know, and and and when you as you've grown up and as you learned and what you contributed, and you know, we have seen it. We've seen you in those moments.

SPEAKER_00 34:21

And and that actually, quite practically, for church members that have those reflections, I'd really encourage you, write it on a postcard and send physical mail to that young person at college in their first semester. Oh, great. Because then they actually are remembered.

SPEAKER_04 34:37

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 34:38

It's not just out of sight, out of mind, out of the list of names on the Friday Night Youth Group. Like when you hear of grandmas that go and send a little care package like to someone that isn't their biology within the church family, you wouldn't believe the testimonies that come out of young people feeling not forgotten and that God still knows them in a season of massive change. So that's a great point and a way to do that beyond summer, you know?

SPEAKER_02 35:06

Great, great actualizing way to do it. That's wonderful.

SPEAKER_05 35:09

Well, Steve and Carol, thank you so much for today. I wonder if you could help give our listeners just a little bit of a charge, something practical in how to do this well. Um, so what advice as a parting shot do you have for us of the grieving and the sending?

SPEAKER_01 35:32

I would say again that grieving is uh the opposite side of the coin um of investment. It's the opposite side of the coin of love. When you love well, you grieve hard and you grieve deep and you feel it. And so that is a good marker. So when you are feeling that tug and you feel that sense of loss, I would say, ooh, you did something right. Um, secondly, I would say that sending again is success. If you got them to lift off, well done. Well done. And and you have created the conditions for them to have the courage in your grief as we celebrate them, they are reminded, oh yes, somebody believes in me. I can do this thing. God is with me. I can go forward with joy.

SPEAKER_02 36:38

I think the the only thing I would say, the only thing I would add to that is just that um I think the uh the grief part, as we've been saying, is just normal, but it can get really complicated if it gets tangled up in our fears and anxieties. And that's that's where it becomes difficult. And so I would I would say for us, uh it may sound like, gosh, they do they do this really well. No, it's it's complicated all the time. It's just it but that's we've we just come to accept the complications of it. And I think the the issue of that what we said before, don't don't be afraid. God, God's holding this. He's been holding this person before they got to us while we were with them, and he'll be holding them afterwards. We are not the ones that are supposed to keep him. Keep them safe. Uh that's that's not our that's not our stuff. We don't it's that's way more than our pay grade. Well, thank you. Thank you guys.

SPEAKER_05 37:33

Yeah, thank you guys so much for joining us today. Um, such deep wisdom, great experience. I mean, and you can you can tell how much you guys have invested and cared through, I mean, all of the knowledge and wisdom you've shared with us today. So thank you so much because this will be so very helpful, especially in this season of grieving and sending um right now in real time. I mean, when this when this podcast drops, I mean, it it will be that time where everybody is graduating and leaving and going on and being sent to the next thing.

SPEAKER_00 38:08

Yeah, thank you for loving the next generation so well, guys. Thank you for all that you've done over the years.

SPEAKER_02 38:14

And thank you for have having us. I would being a part of something uh related to fusion is just good for our hearts because we're good about you all and what you do.

SPEAKER_00 38:24

Yeah, come over for supper. That is not a national invite. She will try, and that is a problem. Yep. That is a problem. All right. Thanks so much, Carolyn Steve, for your time.

SPEAKER_05 38:37

Well, everyone, thank you for joining us for this podcast. I mean, just such a sweet time with the Strattons and in a heavy season. And once again, we just want to encourage you and your discipleship journeys is there's there's a beginning and there's an end. And um, man, what what a just an opportunity to continue to walk with God in it. And as Miriam said at the very beginning of this podcast, um let's let's let's open ourselves up and just continue just to pray for fresh vision and and renewed vision for continued work in um you know the mission field that is the college campus. And so thank you for being with us today. Um continue to to hit that like button and just share. And on the platforms that you're listening to this, would you go and and make a comment and let us know how this has been encouraging to you um in this for us? It is so helpful for us in just this mission of the podcast uh to get it out to more listeners.

SPEAKER_00 39:38

And then um just see I'll put in the show notes the prep for college stuff. So if you want those resources to um prepare high schoolers and that sending bit, we've got resources ready. And do um make sure you'll sign up to the Fusion mailing list. I'll put a link for that as well, because um, that's the way you'll find out about prep for college training that will be happening this summer to help you and your church um really send send well at the start of that journey. So um we'll make sure they're in the show notes just to say as well.

SPEAKER_05 40:08

Yeah, thank you, Miriam. And then just the last thing, this this was the last episode of season two. So thank you for sticking with us through that. We're gonna take a little bit of a hiatus over the summer, but in these emails, we will let you know because we actually will have uh, I think a handful of episodes that will have to do with prep for college that we will launch this summer. So again, uh subscribe to our email. Um, we're on Instagram and Facebook as well. You can find us, but those will keep you up to date with just the ongoing things of us keeping uh Fusion just moving forward with the mission that God has asked us to shepherd on the college campus. And so thankful for you. And we'll see you guys on down the road.