Denial and Self-Deception Part 1

In this episode, “Denial and Self-Deception,” I talk about the dangerous ways we can normalize sin when we are in denial about how it is affecting our relationship with God. Sometimes we become so comfortable with certain behaviors, mindsets, and compromises that we stop seeing them the way God sees them.

We can misinterpret grace and begin taking it for granted, using it as permission to stay the same instead of allowing it to transform us. But grace was never meant to make us comfortable in sin—it was meant to lead us into repentance, healing, and deeper intimacy with God.

Jesus died for our sins, and when we constantly excuse, justify, or ignore the things separating us from God, we have to ask ourselves: What are we saying to Him? What are we saying about His sacrifice?

This episode is a call to self-examination, honesty, repentance, and awakening. My prayer is that it challenges you to open your eyes, confront the areas where denial may exist in your life, and draw closer to the heart of God. 💛!

Transcript

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Yay! Yay! Welcome to Abundling Love Podcast with your host, Gwendolyn Malika Noah.

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Hey you guys, and thank you so much for listening to Abundantly Love Podcast. Now, I don't know if you've been following my series or this particular season, but let me just remind you what we're talking about and the purpose behind this podcast and the ministry, Love Abundantly Ministry. The whole intentional purpose behind the ministry is to first recognize that you are loved by God. And then from there, what is your response to that love? And then how can we use that love to love ourselves and then also love other people? That is the foundation of love abundantly ministry. It connects back to Matthew 22 when Jesus tells us to love your neighbor as yourself. First, love God with all your mind, your heart, your whole soul, and your whole and your strength. And then the same is like it, the second commandment is like it, love your neighbor as yourself. It says that the whole law is summed up in these two commands, right? And so our ministry is focused on spreading the gospel based on these two commands of loving God with every part of who you are, and then also accepting the love of God that He has freely given to us, right? And as a licensed professional therapist and as a pastoral counselor, what I realized with a lot of my clients that I'm working with is that they have a distorted idea of what love is. And I myself, you guys, had a distorted idea of what love is. Why is that? It's because of our upbringing, the environments that we grew up in, how we are loved by our parents, or how we're loved by our friends, or how we love our brothers and sisters. This is how we begin to define what love is, and we create that definition, or we we have a definition of it, and it impacts how we love ourselves and how we love other people. But honestly, y'all, honestly, it's a misconstrued ideal of what love is. And it isn't until we first we get back to the Bible, get back to understanding how God loved us first, how God demonstrated his love for us. So it says in the Matthew chapter five, how he demonstrated his love for us in this that he gave his one and only son for us when he gave Jesus up on the cross. Now, and when Jesus decided and chose to go to the cross too, that was a demonstration of love. And our job on our journey as disciples of Jesus, our response is how to love him back because of everything that he's given up for us. That is the mission, y'all. If you're your first hearing this podcast, my ministry or our ministry, because I'm not in this by myself, our ministry is a discipleship movement, calling us back to loving God. But in order for us to get back there, as I say this to my clients, in order for us to get back there, we have to examine what is hindering us in getting there. We have to be able to walk through or face the roadblocks that's blocking us from growing deeper in intimacy with God. We have to acknowledge these things. And in mindfulness, we talk about first becoming awareness of it, being aware of it, and then acceptance of it. And the acceptance component is without judgment. So as you're on this journey with me, you guys, as you're joining me on this journey, y'all, the whole point is becoming aware of where you are before God, aware of your mindset when it comes to love and his love for you, aware of how this is impacting you, and walking through how to overcome it, and accepting first, too, though, that this is where you are. Acceptance without the judgment, without the guilt, without beating yourself up. Because what happens when we do that? We prolong the growth. We prolong it. So that we can be closer to God in the intimacy that we've been craving. Because here's the thing God wants you to. How do I know that? Because you can look from Genesis all the way through Revelation, so you can see God's love and how intense he is about chasing after his people and what he went through and what he did by sending his son Jesus to die for us on the cross to first walk on this earth, showing us what it looked like to please the Father. This is what our brother did. He walked on this earth to show us what it looked like to please the Father, in representing God, so that, and being in the present image of God Himself as God the Son, so that we can have this idea of what it looks like to follow Jesus, follow God here on this earth. To follow Jesus, to grow deeper in intimacy with Jesus, is growing deeper intimacy with God too. Because in order to get to know God, we got to get to know who? Jesus. And at the same time, we have to face the things that's inside of ourselves that's blocking us from really getting to know Him or even wanting to be seen by Him. That is why this season is on denial. And every week as you join me, because I'm doing a weekly podcast, and please join me. And I hope that this helps you on your journey. Every week as you join me, we're gonna be talking about something different, and it may hit you differently. And I want you to journal along as you go through it, journal about what you experience from listening to this because I want you to join me at Abundantly Love Circle and be able to share with me what you're getting from this. And if you're interested in finding out more about that, love abundantly, email me at loveabundantly counseling at gmail. I'm sorry, that's wrong.com. Email me there. Yeah, I have a counseling practice too, y'all. So I got another separate email from that. But for the ministry, email me at loveabundantly ministry at gmail.com. What to find out more information if you're interested in joining me on abundantly love circle. So let's get this start. Let's get started on this, right? So today, the topic is going to be denial and self-deception. Ooh. Yeah, I have been challenged with doing this podcast because in my life I have struggled with denial. I've struggled, and especially being a child growing up in trauma or a child of someone who is an alcoholic, we create these different scenarios in our minds that protect us from the reality of what is happening around us. That is what I've done. And I guarantee some of you guys have done the same thing too. Because denial is a defense mechanism that the brain does to try to protect us from what reality really is. But here's the kicker. Here's the thing. We're not able to heal. We're not able to go through the healing process if we do not face the reality of what's happening inside of us or what's happening around us and how it's impacting our lives. And with this, we're not able to face our behavior how our behavior or how our thought process or what we're feeling or what perception we have of God in order for us to draw closer to him if we are in denial about how we're seeing him or about how our actions are blocking us from being close to him. Have you ever felt that feeling of being distant from God? But then ignoring it because no, I grew up in church and I go to church every Sunday and I read my Bible. But then there's a part of you that doesn't feel filled, that feels disconnected from him, that doesn't feel his presence is there. I'm able to talk about it because that's how I was. I was that religious person going through life, because I grew up in a Christian household, quote unquote, going to church on Sunday, got baptized when I was 12, didn't understand what it meant to be baptized, but did it because that was the tradition of the church that I grew up in, the Baptist church I grew up in. Those traditions. And because of that tradition, I stayed in that tradition until I went to college. And I went to college thinking I was okay, thinking I was safe because I got baptized when I was 12, but my life never changed. I never really read the Bible, never really studied out what it meant to be baptized, never really understood what it means scripturally, what it meant to be a Christian. I had never heard the word of disciple because I had never read the Bible. I looked at Psalms 23, of course, or Romans 8, 28, because I knew about it in the song. One of my favorite songs at that time was by Keel McFarland. And she says in her song, it's for the good of those who love God, for those who are called according to his purposes, but I only knew that accord because of the song. So if you're listening and you can relate to what I'm saying, this is the time to examine where you are. This is the time to examine your life to see where you are before God, to open your eyes, like I said on the last podcast, to take off the veils that's over your eyes so that you can really see clearly who you are. That's what the spirit allowed me to do, to take out the veils off my eyes, because I was seeking God because I realized that I'm not saved. I am not saved. I don't feel close to God. And it took all of me to even voice the fact like I am not saved, that something was wrong with me in my walk with him because I felt him distant from me. Even though it's like it talks about in Isaiah, Isaiah chapter 55, I think it is, how the arms of God is not too short to save and his ears are not too dull to listen. But it's our iniquities that keep us far from God. That is what it is. Let me make sure, y'all, because I want to make sure because I got my Bible before me, so I can make sure I got the right scripture, y'all, so y'all can go back and look at it. But it's in Isaiah. Make sure. Stay with me. No, it wasn't Isaiah 55. I'm sorry. It was Isaiah. Hold on. His ears are not too dull to hear. Oh, 59. I wasn't too far off, huh? Isaiah 59 in the verse 1 through 2, it says, Surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save, nor his ear too dull to hear. But your iniquities have separated you from God, from your God, your sins have hidden his face from you, so that he will not hear. So, and you can go back to read the whole passage after that, though, but I want to point that out. It's our iniquities, our sins that block us from God. It says, your sins have hidden his face from you. But when we walk around in self-deception, thinking that we're okay, even when we're still in sin. And I talked about last time, go back and look at Galatians chapter five, and in verse, Galatians chapter five, and in verse night, verse 19, it talks about the acts of the sinful nature are obvious. Sexual morality, impurity, and debauchery. Now stop there. Sexuality is the first one that's there. But what's happening in our world today? They're saying, even when you go to church, it's okay to have sex. Just pray, Jesus, to in your heart, just for ask God for forgiveness, and you can go out and sleep with the person, you can live with the person, you can do all these different things, and God will still forgive you. Here's the catch. He will forgive you, but you got to repent. You think that you're close to God, but go back to what I just said in Isaiah 59. But your iniquities have separated you from your God. Your sins have hidden his face from you so that he would not hear you. Stand in such morality is blocking your prayers from God. Staying in sin is blocking you from that closeness, the intimacy that God desires to have for you, even though he is not too far from set to save you, not too far from hearing you. But that denial and that self-deception blocks you from getting close. And here's the thing, y'all, and Satan, this is his tactic. This is how when Jesus died on the cross, right? How Jesus gave up his spirit on the cross. You go back and look in Matthew, Matthew 28 and 27, 28, right? And when he died, when it says, he said, My Lord, my Lord, why have you forsaken me? Why, and forsaken means why have you left me at this point? Now imagine being the Son of God. And I'm gonna get back to where I was going to with Satan because my mind just went. I have to say this is the Holy Spirit, y'all. I'm going with him. Imagine being with Jesus, being with God at the beginning of the creation of the world, because it says that in Genesis, how God says, Let's create men in our own image, right? That's Jesus He's talking to God and Jesus in the beginning of the creation of the world. So in the beginning, before time itself even existed, because time itself comes from who? It comes from God. So imagine being there in the beginning with all the creation, being with the Father from the beginning, and even when you read throughout the Old Testament, you can see Jesus throughout the Old Testament. David even says, prophesies about him in the Old Testament and Psalms. And now, fast forward, he comes to earth because he chose to come. He didn't have to, he chose, he wanted to obey the Father, too at the same time, because everything Jesus said or does is in obedience to the Father. So as he's walking on this earth, showing us what it looks like to please the Father, walking in obedience to the Father, now goes through the flogging, goes through the persecution, goes through the mental abuse, the emotional abuse, all of this he went through on the way to the cross. And mind you, all that time, God had never left him. God had never left him. But Satan was intensifying all that was happening to Jesus. The lashes, it was 39 plus more than what was originally provided towards them or do when they were flogging. Right? Then, usually in the Romans time, y'all, I'm not going to circles, but stay with me. Usually in Romans period, they would do one or the other. They wouldn't do the flogging and the crucifixion because the flogging would also lead to death, too. Some of them, if there was 39 plus, that will oftentimes lead to death. But here's the thing they did that and more to Jesus. They flawed him, then they mocked him, put the royal cope on. Go back and read Matthew 27, all the way through 28, y'all. Put that on him, mocked him, put the thorns across the thorns on his head where blood was coming from his veins. And his just think about that, y'all, the torture that he went through in that. But all of that, God was still there. Then they nailed him to the cross. They nailed him and then they lifted him up after he went through all of those things for us. Remind, remember now, this is all for us. For our sins, he went through this stuff for us, right? Went through all of the hurt that he experienced for us. Because remember, even though he's divine, he's still human. He didn't drink the gall either. Go back and look at that. They offered him gall to drink. Gall would have numbed it, it would have been like, you know, how when we go to the doctor, we don't want to feel the it's what's it um to numb our fat mouth or to when we go to the dentist or to numb when we're getting the surgery, anesthesia. That's what gall is. I was for them, but Jesus didn't take it because he didn't want to do it incompletely. He wanted it to be full, a full, unblemished sacrifice, filling everything that he went through for you and for me. And then he got to that point on the cross. Then he says in Matthew, I'm gonna read this to y'all. In Matthew chapter, I'm sorry, I got sinuses to y'all going on, but stay with me. I thank y'all for listening to me. Matthew chapter 27 and verse 45. It says, From the sixth hour until the ninth hour, darkness came over all the land. About the ninth hour, Jesus cried out in a loud voice, Eloy, Eloy, Lama Sabakhtani, which means, My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? When some of those standing there heard this, they said, He's calling Elijah. Immediately one of them ran and got a sponge, he filled it with wine vinegar, but it put it on a stick and offered it to Jesus to drink. The rest said, Now leave him alone. Let's see if Elijah comes to save him. And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit. From the beginning of time until now, through going through all that he went through, God was there. Now, at this point, Jesus cries out, Eloy, Eloy, Lama Sabak to me. My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why have you left me at this face right now in this time? Why? Because this is the point where Jesus takes on our sins, the sins of the world, your sins. He took on my sins, he took on at this space, and it was our fault that he was separated from God at that moment. It's because of us that he lost the disconnection with the father that he had from the beginning of time. Imagine that. This is what he endured for you and for me, because of us, because of our sins. So why do we take sinning lightly? Why do we deceive ourselves or walk down and stuff walk around in self-denial? Thinking that we are okay when we're in the midst of sins and thinking that we're close to God, but we're still living our lives and what we want to live and being selfish and loving ourselves more than loving him. That's what it is. When we decide to choose sin over God, that's us choosing to love ourselves more than loving God. But what did Jesus do? Jesus chose to love you more than loving himself, he chose to love me more than loving himself, he chose to endure being separated from God just for a moment. For you and for me. But here's what we gotta do, y'all. For us, we close our eyes to the fact that that we are hurting in some form or fashion, that we're feeling disconnected from God for some reason, but we don't want to acknowledge that disconnection because of fear, because of pride, maybe because of shame. And sometimes we don't want to take responsibility for where we are in our lives, and a lot of times we want to blame God for where we are in our lives. When it's all because of our choices and our decisions. But before we get to that, I want to share this scripture with you. Go with me to James chapter 1 right now. In James chapter 1, and we're going to look at verse 22. In James 1, verse 22. And it says, I'm reading the NIV version, you guys, as I'm going through this. Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Again, do not merely listen to the word and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. That's what Jesus is calling us to do. Because sometimes what we do is just we listen, but then we're not obedient. Why are we not obedient? Because sometimes we get comfortable doing what we're doing. We get comfortable, we get complacent in sin. Because sin feels good. Let me go back to Satan, right? Because I forgot that point that I was trying to make before, because I went on the page. I get caught up. I got to share with the spirit, put up my heart to share with it in a moment, y'all. But here's the the the way that Satan has deceived us, right? When Jesus died on the cross, Jesus overcame Satan. He overcame the world. So that when we're in him, we're overcomers, right? Now Satan knew that Jesus had overcome him. So in his tricky mind, he's wondering how can I still get as many people with me as possible, but still use uh what uh Jesus did, but manipulate it a little bit so that I can get them back to me. He's taking what he did to Adam and Eve, right, in a garden. Go back to Genesis when God told them not to eat the fruit. And then literally Satan comes to Eve and says, Did God really say not to eat the fruit? He twists God's word in order for Eve. But here's the thing: this is Eve's choice, because Eve heard what God said, but decided that whatever Satan said was better for her. Because she was enticed by the fruit, she wanted to eat the fruit, so she followed through and ate the fruit because of the manipulation, because the twisting of the words, because it felt good for her, what she wanted. The same thing happens now in religion. We take the pieces, this is how Satan deceives us. We take parts of what God's word is and we twist it to make it good for us because we're deceived by looking at the world. We want to eat the things of this world, we want to please our flesh and think that we're doing a little bit of close, being doing a little bit of what God says, and we're close enough. We're not saying it's intentional, we're not gonna say that, but we're close enough to think that we're right. But that's what Satan has done in order to keep meaning away from God. I was caught up in that deception. I'm getting close enough, but not too close, you know what I mean, you know. But I was deceived. I write about this in my book, y'all, 40 years of virgin wild away, promoting purity in the world of promiscuity, right? And you can get this on Amazon. And I talk about how being a virgin, because I'm still a virgin waiting until marriage to have sex. But even as a virgin, I was impure. And I said, Let me get just this close enough, letting them touch me or letting them do whatever they can, but not whatever they can, by the way, but doing getting close enough, but not to the point of sense, and then backing away. But then I'm okay. I'm still doing right, I'm still good. I haven't had sex outside of marriage, I'm still good, but I'm still getting close enough. And we can say the same thing with masturbation. I'm doing this, but I'm not really allowing anybody else to touch me. I'm just doing it myself. But it's still what? Sin. It's impurities. But that's how Satan can twist the scriptures, can twist our minds to deceive us, and we can walk around in denial, thinking that we're okay, even though we're far away from God. I am doing this, y'all, and the spirit is calling me to do this in hopes to wake you up. Paul says, Wake up, O sleeper. It's time to wake up, to really see where you are before God, and to repent. Because sin is not pleasing to God. And if you remain in it, you're not gonna be close to God, even though you desire to be, and you may think that you are, but even though you think you are, it doesn't mean that you are. It doesn't. I love this analogy. I heard someone say, I can put on a doctor's cloak, like a doctor's coat, and even get a name tag. I know y'all heard about this in the news too. This man can walked around for almost a year or several months here in Memphis, pretending to be a doctor, walking around confidently in this coat, pretending to be a doctor. Never didn't get caught until now, because somebody caught him. But deceiving many, walking around in denial that I'm a doctor, hadn't gone to school for the nothing, y'all. I don't even think he even finished college. But walking around with this coat on, saying I'm a doctor, deceiving many. But how many of us put on this coat of Christian or this code of disciple, having studied the Bible, haven't looked intentionally at the Bible, or even having repented to say I'm following Jesus, but still I got this code on being a Christian and being a disciple, but you're walking around in denial and deceiving yourself. I'm just being honest. I'm just trying to do this all in love, y'all, in hopes that it calls you to really examine yourself. But let's look at this person. I want to get into this real quick with Saul. But you know what? My time is running down. It's I'm already at 30 minutes. And I think I'm gonna use Saul to be part two of this because I think I spoke a lot about being deceived. And I think, and I hope that you guys got the message from this particular podcast, from this episode, to really understand where I'm getting at. It's really under is really examine yourself to see where I'm at before God, praying for God to take off the veils from your eyes to really see. But you know when you're doing wrong, you know when you're conscious when you're doing wrong. You know when you're in denial, because I know that I knew when I was in all right before God. My heart was sick before him. And then when I studied the Bible to look and see, and I saw what I did to Jesus and separating him, I had to repent. Separating him from God, I had to repent. I pray that this is this is cutting to your hearts and that it shapes you and wakes you up. I want to look at one last scripture that the spirit is putting in my mind to share with you guys in Matthew. In Matthew chapter 7. Okay. In verse 21, we're gonna start in verse 21. I'm gonna read all the way through to verse 27. Jesus is saying this, right? He says, Not everyone, please listen to this. Not everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only he who does the will of my father who is in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles? Then I would tell them plainly, I never knew you. Away from me, evil do you evildoers. Therefore, anyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash. Many will say, Lord, didn't I sing this song in your name? Lord, didn't I prophesy in your name? Lord, didn't I heal in your name? Lord, did I pray for this person in your name? Lord, didn't I you can fill in that blank? Lord, didn't I do these things in your name? But Jesus says, I never knew you. Away from me, you evil doers. Why would he say that? Because you didn't obey me. You didn't obey me. Not everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord, we're entertaining of heaven, but only he who does the will of my father who is in heaven, only he who obeys me. Jesus says, Every word that comes from his mouth comes from God. So everything we're reading in the Bible is coming from God. And it's our choice to choose to walk in obedience and not walk in denial or self-deception. When we're saying, Lord, then we do this in your name, then we do this in your name, but we're not reading the Bible, we're not being obedient to the Bible, not applying it to our lives, then we're self-deceiving ourselves. We're walking in denial, thinking that we're okay, but we're really not. And I this scares me, y'all. Because I pray not to be this person. I don't want to be in denial. I pray, God, help me not to walk in denial, help me not to, because I know my character, help me not to deceive myself, Father God, because I don't want to deceive myself to think that I'm okay and I'm not okay. I did that too long for too many years. Y'all, I don't want you to think that you're okay, but you're not okay. So before you move on with your day to day, after you listen to this, I want you to, I want to invite you to pause. Ask yourself, is there anything I've been avoiding, minimizing, or justifying in my life? Is there a truth God may be inviting me to face in love right now? Have I been in denial about where I'm at before God right now? Am I am I living in sin or justifying the sin that I'm in right now all because it's what I want to do when I feel comfortable doing it? But I now realize how it keeps me distant, how it keeps me away from God. Do I want to be closer to God and overcome those sins? Do I want to repent? You got to be honest about that. Listen to my last episode, and I talked about asking God to help me to love him because I saw in my life that I wasn't loving him where I was choosing to think about my ex-boyfriend more than thinking about Jesus or idolizing this, being idolatrous, being greedy, being immoral in my thoughts. But I had to face the reality of who I was. Denial isn't about being bad, y'all. It's often about surviving. And it's often about protecting your mind or being honestly being comfortable where you are. But healing begins with honesty. Being able to draw closer to God and be in intimacy with God, it begins with honesty. So I encourage you to take one small step this week, whether that's prayer, whether it's journaling, having a hard conversation with someone in your life, an accountability partner that you may have in your life, a best friend, someone you feel like you can be vulnerable with, or simply acknowledging what you've been avoiding. And if this episode stirred something deep or uncomfortable, please know you don't have to walk through it alone. Through Love Abundantly Ministry, through Abundantly Love Circle, we are support for you. And the support is available for you for those who are seeking healing and self-awareness in a deeper intimacy with God. So reach out to me again at Love Abundantly Ministry at gmail.com. Reach out to me, and I will send you the Zoom link for when we're going to be meeting this week. It's going to be on Thursday at seven o'clock. But I need you to reach out to me if you're interested. So healing is possible. Transformation is possible. Truth leads to freedom, y'all. And love. Genuinely, God's love transforms everything. But we have to allow ourselves to overcome the denial in order to get there. All right. I pray for you, and let me pray for you guys right now, wherever you are. Let me pray for you right now because I know that this was a hard episode. I know. But change is not easy. Change demands us to reflect and to be aware and to accept where we are right now. Okay. Let's pray. Father, thank you so much for allowing us to come before your throne right now, knowing, God, that you are loving, God, that you are reaching out to all the hearts that's listening to this podcast, Father God. All of those, no matter where they are in this world, Father God, you're reaching out to them in hopes that they will seek you with all of their hearts, and you will be found by them, Father God. Help them to really see where they are before you. Help me, Father God, to really recognize where I am before you always, God. Help us not to live in willful denial, Father God, but to wake up, to really see where we've been loving ourselves more than loving you, Jesus. To choose to love you more than ourselves, to truly be true disciples of yours. Because Jesus, you said, in order for us to be your disciples, we must give up our lives. Give up everything in order for us to follow you. And I pray for us to really examine the things that's in our lives that we're holding on to. We're holding on to comfortability and we're holding on to the sins that we're feeling content in or complacent in. Father, I pray that we willingfully let them go because we remember what you gave up for us. Remember, Jesus, that we remember how much you gave up on the cross for us. All the things that you went through, being separate from the Father. Help us to remember that and help us to be transformed, choosing you, Father. Thank you, Holy Spirit. Thank you for moving back and forth in this world, my Lord, moving towards the hearts that you want to draw closer to you. And thank you for moving in this ministry, Lord, allowing it to reach many worldwide and helping many to grow deeper and deeper in intimacy with God, intimacy with you, Father God. Thank you for choosing me to walk with your people, anointing me, Father God, for this purpose. Only through you can this be done. In Jesus' name. Amen.