Does God’s Plan For Marriage Still Work

Divorce is common, loneliness is real, and a lot of couples feel like marriage is an ideal that quickly becomes an ordeal. We go back to the beginning for a sturdier foundation, walking through Genesis 2 to recover God’s original design for marriage and the kind of clarity that cuts through today’s noise about relationships, family, and commitment.

Dr. Timothy Mann frames this new Home Security series as both doctrinal and intensely practical, because what we believe has to show up in how we live. We talk candidly about why the family is in trouble, why the church feels the ripple effects, and why it is still possible to build a fulfilling Christian marriage when Jesus Christ is Lord of the home. Along the way, we explore the first “not good” in creation and what it reveals about companionship, partnership, and God’s intent that no one live in isolating loneliness.

The centerpiece is Genesis 2:24, presented as God’s blueprint for biblical marriage: leave, cleave, and become one flesh. We unpack what “leave” really means in everyday life, including setting boundaries with parents, releasing attachments to people from the past, and refusing to live in old places and old stories that keep a couple from building a shared present. We also challenge the comparison trap with a simple picture: the grass is greener where you water it.

Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs encouragement, and leave a review so more people can find solid Bible teaching on marriage and family. What is one “letting go” step you think would strengthen a marriage right now?

Transcript

Series Launch And Scripture Focus

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You're listening to Foundations of Truth, the radio and podcast ministry of foundations. Our mission is to help you build your life on the unshakable foundation of God's Word, rooted in Scripture, anchored in the grace of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Today we begin a new series called Home Security: God's Protection Plan for the Family. In a world where the definition of marriage keeps changing, we're going back to where it all started. The book of Genesis, chapter 2. Today's message is part one of God's original design for marriage. Here now is Dr. Timothy Mann.

Marriage In Crisis And Why

Three Goals For The Series

Eden And The Problem Of Loneliness

From Wow To Ow In Marriage

Genesis 2:24 As The Blueprint

SPEAKER_01 0:35

And so Genesis chapter 2, verses 15, and we're going to read all the way down through verse 25. We are beginning a new sermon series. It is Home Security, God's protection plan for the family. I'll be referencing that along the way. The Bible says, Then the Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat. For the day that you eat of it, you shall surely die. And the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone. I will make a helper comparable to him. Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field, every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. And so Adam gave names to all the cattle, to the birds of the air, to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept. And he, meaning God, took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man he made into a woman. And he brought her to the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man. And therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. And they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. We'll stop there. This is God's word. As I was doing some research this week, just to kind of see where things stand today compared to, say, more than ten years ago, sadly I discovered that still today, one out of every two marriages end in divorce. The average length of a marriage in the United States today is eight years. And among professing evangelical Christians, it's not much better. As a matter of fact, unfortunately, statistics show that among professing Christians like us, like our brand, our version, Baptistic, Baptist, statistics show that of all religion denominations, among Christian evangelicals like us, divorce is the highest. That's tragic. That's very tragic. The family is in trouble. And has been. That's nothing new. And we need to, we need to hear from the Word of God specifically what He has to say about family life. And we can protect our family God's way. And that's what we're going to be talking about. And it's going to be very practical, yet doctrinal, a lot of truth, but heavy, heavy application. Why? Because we need to apply God's word to our lives. We not only need to know what we believe, but we need to believe what we know. We need to know what we believe, but we need to believe what we know. And the truth is, I've said this many times, we only believe the part of the Bible that we do. We can say we believe it, but if we don't apply it to our life, we really don't believe it. And the Word of God has the answer to the questions as it relates to relationships, as it relates to families, as it relates to marriage, as it relates to parenting. It has the answer to the questions that we might have. And it's no mystery. It's no secret, there's no secret formula. It's not rocket science. It's not brain surgery. We just do what the word of God says. And God will bless that and honor that, and our lives will be changed. I'm not implying that it's easy, but I'm saying we do what the Word of God says. We're going to be focusing on God's original design. God's original design. We're going to look at design, God's design for marriage, and how God wants to build your marriage, even at whatever stage in life you are. See, the problem, the problem with marriage is that most marriage, most marriages start off as an ideal, and then they become an ordeal, and pretty soon you're looking for a new deal. That's what happens. That's the problem. Now I realize we have all kinds of needs represented in the life of this church. A few of you have only been married a few years. Many of you, some of you have been married for 50 years or more. There are all kinds of needs. Some of you have been divorced. Some of you are separated right now. Some of you have never been married. Some of you love to be married. Some of you have a good marriage, but you're under stress right now. There are many different needs. And I believe I can say confidently, without any doubt, that God has a specific word for every person in all of those situations. At the very beginning of this, I need you to know I have three goals for this series. They're very specific. The first goal, number one, is to comfort. To comfort. This series is going to be, is going to encourage you. If your family, if your marriage, if your relationships with your kids, whatever, is hurting. It's going to comfort you. That's my goal. I want it to comfort you. The second goal is I want to convince you. I want to convince you that it is possible to have a good marriage. That it is possible to have a good family life. A lot of people say it's impossible today, but it's not. It's possible, and you can have a marriage. You can have a family life that's fulfilling. Fulfilling more than you had ever probably thought. If Jesus Christ will be the Lord of that home life. And you'll lead your home and you'll live your life, your marriage, according to the principles of God's Word. I want to convince you of that if you're not convinced already. And then my third goal for this series is I want to challenge you. I want to challenge you to correct some of the things in your home life that are causing problems. And some of you are experiencing that. I want to challenge you. So today we're going to have time for an introduction, kind of an overview. We're going to look back at God's original design. That's why we're going to go all the way back. We've already read it, gone back to chapter 2 in the very first book of the Bible. I'm going to make some comments and then outline some steps as we begin this journey together. Now, as you know, Genesis chapter 2. As you know, Adam was put into the Garden of Eden after God had created Adam. And it was an absolutely perfect environment. He had every single thing that he wanted. He had a place to live, he had a purpose to live for, he had protection, he had everything he needed. He was the original nature boy. I mean, he was out there romping through the gardens with no mosquitoes or anything like that. Wouldn't that have been wonderful? It was wonderful. He had no need whatsoever. I grew up in the mountains of western North Carolina and I enjoyed trout fishing there. In the summer, I would be in the river and I would be in the middle of fishing and having a great time, and all of a sudden a big black, black gnat would fly up under my sunglasses and get into my eye. And right at about that time, I would have a strike, a big old rainbow trout, and it would come out and I would set the hook and I would miss it because I couldn't see him, because I had a gnat in my eye. I had this gnat in my eye. Man, I would have liked to have been able to fly fish in the Garden of Eden. That would have been nice. There would be no gnats, no mosquitoes. Adam had that kind of experience with nothing to bother him, no challenges at all. And yet, the Bible says that God looked at Adam and he said, It's not good. It's not good. That's the first time that God ever said that in his creation. It is not good for the man to be alone. Man's oldest problem is aloneness. What is God saying? Is he saying that it's a sin to be single? Well, of course not. The Bible teaches the exact opposite of that. That's a special blessing for some people. It's a gift to be able to be single and to serve God. However, what he is saying is that God never meant for anybody to be lonely. One of the very first purposes of marriage is companionship, is partnership, to have a helper that's comparable to you. It prevents loneliness. So what happened? Well, God made Adam a wife. Now, did you notice? First, he let Adam name all of the animals. And if you read through this, I don't know if you thought about this, but I did. If you read through this, just casually reading through this, it looks like Eve was kind of an afterthought. But she wasn't an afterthought at all. What Adam was doing was he was realizing there's two of everything except me. There's two of everything except me. He was realizing that something is missing in his life. It says that very clearly in the last sentence of verse 20, but for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And in verse 21, the Bible says that the Lord caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. The Lord made woman with the rib that he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man, and the man said, now verse 23 is one of the classic reactions in all of Scripture. Now can you imagine? Here's Adam in the Garden of Eden. He's never seen a woman before, and all of a sudden, coming through the ferns, is this gorgeous specimen of femininity. Can you imagine Adam saying this? This is now bone of my bone. I mean, seriously. Hardly. I think the translators, when they translated this, they were big chickens. They didn't want to put in what Adam really said when he saw Eve for the very first time, standing there as God had made her. Because here's the thing: the exact Hebrew description of this word that's translated, this is now, this is now, in the Hebrew, it's actually an exclamation. It is, wow. That's what it is in the Hebrew. Man, look at this. Eureka. You know? Wrap it up, I'll take it. Now, this is what I've been talking about. And so Adam was very ecstatic when he saw Eve for the very first time. You know, Adam could literally say, You're the only girl in the world for me. He was excited. He was excited. And you know, every marriage begins that way. Every single marriage begins that way. But what happens? Great anticipation falls away. What is it? Here's the question. What is it that makes the wow turn into ow? Why is there a turnabout? Well, I think one of the key verses in all of the Bible is verse 24. In regards to marriage in particular. This fact, this verse, in fact, is mentioned five times. And anytime, here's a good interpretive principle for you to remember. Anytime God repeats the same verse over and over in the Bible, you've got to know it's important. The Lord is impressing something here. He is exaggerating something. Five times. God is saying, I want you to get this. Verse 24 is God's blueprint for marriage. Verse 24 is God's original design for marriage. Now that's not to suggest that God has changed his design. He is not. This is God's design. 22 words in the King James Version, 21 words in the New King James, 23 words in the NIV. It's the foundation of every good marriage, it's the foundation of every good relationship is found in this. In verse 24. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Look, God designed marriage. It was his idea. He thought it up. It's his institution. And he designed it for your happiness and not for your harm, not for your hurt. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined, be united, cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Now in this verse, God says, now listen, in this verse, God is clearly saying, in marriage, there are some things that you need to hold on to, and there are some things that you need to let go of. In order to have a marriage that really works, the way God designed, the way God wants it to work, there's some things you have to give up, and there's some things you have to grab on to to protect your home. This is Home Security, God's protection plan for the family.

Support The Ministry Message

Leave Parents And Cut Dependence

SPEAKER_00 14:18

You're listening to Foundations of Truth. This program is made possible by listeners like you who believe in sharing clear biblical truth. If today's message has been meaningful to you, we invite you to support this ministry. Your gift helps bring teaching like this to more people and more homes. To give, visit our website, firm-foundations.org. And thank you for your support. Now, here's more of today's message from Dr. Timothy Mann on God's original design for marriage.

Let Go Of Past Relationships

Stop Comparing And Start Cultivating

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Now, this morning, just as an introduction for the next few moments, I want to give you some things that I believe God would have us to give up if we're going to have the kind of marriage that God meant for us to have in the first place. And I want to tell you, it's not too late. I don't care if you've been married two years or twenty years, whether you've been married five years or fifty years, it's not too late to start getting it right. It's not too late. So, what we're talking about is protecting your family God's way. And if there's ever been a day that we need to protect our families God's way, it's today. Because I want to tell you folks, listen to me. As goes the family, so goes the church. As goes the family, so goes the church. You want to know why we're having problems all across our land today in churches? Well, it's because problems are out of control in our families. If we'll start protecting our families God's way, we'll then start protecting our churches God's way. That'll begin to happen. And if we have happy, fulfilled, effective families living by the Word of God, then we're going to begin to have churches that are going to be doing the same thing. As goes the family, so goes the church. Now let me give you some thoughts here. Some things we must let go of as we think about God's design for the family, for marriage, God's original design. Some things we have to let go of. Number one, first of all, you must give up. You must leave. You must give up, let go of parents. Now that's obvious. Because it says, for this reason a man will leave his father and mother. So there's a leaving that is to be done. Now it's true for ladies, too. That's just the generic word here. It's true. You need to leave your parents. And he's not just talking about geography. Specifically, he's talking about leaving psychologically, leaving relationally. The word here, leaving, literally means to break your dependence. To break your dependence. That's what it means. It means to cut the emotional umbilical cord. Your relationship to your parents changes the moment you're married, no doubt about it. God says it. Just like a brand new baby cannot live if the cord is not cut from the mother. A marriage cannot make it if you don't psychologically leave your parents. You can live next door to your parents and see them every day and be psychologically independent, relationally independent. You absolutely can. Or they can live 3,000 miles away on the other side of the country and you can still be dependent on them. I've seen this problem over and over. As a senior pastor, folks who come to me for marriage counseling, I hear about spouses who never make a decision without first calling up mommy and daddy. And that's even, they're already in their 40s and 50s. Or every single time, every time they have a day off, they spend it at their parents' house. Or every time they have a holiday, they always go home. And they don't build any traditions themselves in their own marriage, in their own family. Or anytime they have a problem, they call their parents. What is it that God is saying here in this verse? He's saying that your spouse, listen to me, he's saying that your spouse should not have to compete with your parents. It's unrealistic. It's not God's way. It puts all kinds of pressure on a marriage. And it makes wives feel insecure. It makes husbands feel inadequate. So let go of parents. Let go of parents. You know what? Adam and Eve really had an ideal marriage because they didn't have any relatives to interfere. When your obligations, when your obligations to your extended family take priority over your own marriage, you're in trouble. And let me flip this a little bit. If you are parents of adult kids who are married, don't pressure them to be dependent on you. Cut the kids loose. Don't force them to come to your house every holiday. Don't force them to come to your house every vacation. They need to leave you. Now, I'm adding some other leaving here. Because I've seen it, it's principles all throughout the Bible, and I've seen it so much in marriage counseling over these last 27 years. So, number one, you've got to let go of parents. Number two, you're going to have to let go of other people in the past. You're going to have to let go of other people in the past. Let go of other people, other relationships, other friends, brothers and sisters, other people you've held on to. Maybe a former boyfriend or girlfriend, maybe a former spouse. You not only let go of parents, but you let go of other people in your past. Listen, contrary to, and I'm going to show my age a little bit here, contrary to Willie Nelson and Julio Oglesius, you've got to forget all the girls you've loved before. Got to be in the past. You've got to do that. You've got to let them go. Forget them. They're gone. It's all out of the way. Focus on your relationship with your spouse. And look, if you don't let go of other people, you're going to fall into the trap of comparison. Old relationships start looking better. When things start going wrong in your marriage, when you begin to have some difficulties, some challenges, and you will, when the new wears off a little bit and that happens, a couple cycles through over the years. When things start going wrong in your marriage, you start thinking, well, if he or she was only like whoever. Well, if I hadn't broken off that relationship. Or maybe I should have married that person. Isn't it interesting how we have selective forgetting? And we tend to forget the problems that we had in those relationships and why we ended them in the first place. Let go of those people. This is the grass is greener myth. You know what I'm talking about? When you're over here, the grass is greener over there. When you're over there, the grass is greener over here. Frank Fried said one time, the grass is not greener on that side of the fence, and the grass is not greener on that side of the fence, the grass is greener where you water it. The grass is greener where you water it. And what you need to do is stop comparing and start cultivating. Stop comparing your mate to everybody else. Oh, if he or she were more like whatever. You need to stop comparing and start cultivating. You water your relationship and you watch it grow, you watch it develop, you watch it expand and become all that God wants it to be. God is saying that the first thing you have to do is leave. You have to let go. Marriage is an exclusive relationship, it takes priority over everything else except your relationship. Your relationship to God through Jesus Christ. Everything else. It's the most important thing in your life next to your relationship to God if you're married. It's even more important than your relationship to your children. Your marriage is the most important relationship. Men, not your career, not your hobby, not anything else. Some of us still need to quit chasing the Almighty Dollar. There are some men that was a lot more concerned about their career than they were with their relationship with their wife or their children, and now you're paying the price for it. You lost them. Listen, they need a spiritual leader at home. And the most precious commodity you have is time. You can always make more money, but you can't make more time. Because you only have so many days allotted to you, and once you've wasted one, it's gone. All other relationships must take second place, especially the ones in the past. Especially the ones in the past. It's kind of like oh, I hate to even say this joke. It's so corny. But it's funny, though. It's kind of like the lady who went through four marriages. First, she married a millionaire, then she married a film producer, then she married a butler, and then she married a funeral director. Someone asked her why. She said, I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go. Yeah, I know that's corny, wasn't it? But you've got to let go. That's the idea. You let go of parents. Cut the umbilical cord. Let go of other people in your past. And number three, you've got to let go of other places. You've got to let go of other places. Sometimes I hear, oh, my husband or my wife lives in the past. All he or she wants to talk about was what happened in high school or what happened in college, what home was like back then. How many of you know we have a tendency to idealize our hometowns? We make them larger than life. Larger than life. Let's face the facts. The good old days are over and they weren't really all that good in the first place. Not really. There were a lot of problems in the good old days. We just don't tend to remember them. And if you tend to hold on to places in your past and your spouse was not born in your hometown or didn't go to your college or whatever. Listen, it's amazing to me the number of adult people, in my age, even, in my 50s, who need to get over high school, who need to get over college. Listen, it's over. Some of it, listen, you're not the prom queen anymore. Look in the mirror. Buddy, you're not the captain of the football team anymore. You know how I know that? Because you're just like me. Your belt line has to keep getting lower. You're not the captain of the football team anymore. And you're you're always, when you're doing that with your wife or your husband, it's like you're saying, This is a part of my life that you'll never be able to experience. You wouldn't understand it. You had to be there. You have to live in the present. You have to live in the present. God is saying, wherever the two of you are right now, that's home. That's home. Your home is where you and your spouse are right now. You have to make that your home, not some icon way back there in the past. Let go of parents, let go of other people, let go of places in the past, and then let go of problems.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

Thank you for listening to Foundations of Truth with Dr. Timothy Mann. Be sure to join us tomorrow as we continue this series Home Security, God's Protection Plan for the Family. You can download this as a podcast wherever you get your podcasts. And listen to us daily on the radio in Orlando, Florida at AM990 101.5 FM The Word. And you can find us online at firm foundations.org.