What If God Forgave You Like You Forgive Others

Resentment has a way of feeling justified while it quietly steals your peace, your health, and the tone of your home. In this Foundations of Truth message, Dr. Timothy Mann continues the Home Security series with a direct, Scripture-rooted call from Matthew 18 to forgive and let go, not because the hurt was small, but because bitterness keeps the past in control of the present.

We unpack why anger cannot rewrite what happened and why replaying an old wound can keep you in ongoing pain. You’ll hear the Bible’s blunt wisdom on how resentment tears us up inside, drains emotional energy, and spills onto the people we love most. We also wrestle with Jesus’ hard words about mercy, including what we’re really asking when we pray, “forgive us… as we forgive,” and why refusing to forgive is a dangerous bridge to burn when we all need grace again.

Then we get practical with three clear steps for Christian forgiveness: relinquish your right to get even and let God handle justice, refocus on God’s purpose so the offender no longer controls your attention, and respond to evil with good as a deliberate act of gospel-shaped love. We close with a guided prayer for anyone who is ready to name the person, release the debt, and ask Jesus and the Holy Spirit for the power to live free.

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Transcript

Welcome And Series Setup

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Welcome to Foundations of Truth. This is the podcast and radio program of Firm Foundations Ministries. Our mission is to help you build your life on the unshakable foundation of God's Word, rooted in Scripture, anchored in the grace of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Our teacher is Dr. Timothy Mann. Today on Foundations of Truth, we continue our series Home Security, God's Protection Plan for the Family. Today's message is the second of two parts from Matthew 18 on forgiveness. And here now is Dr. Timothy Mann.

Bitterness Wounds Body And Relationships

Why You Will Need Mercy Again

The Holy Spirit Enables Forgiveness

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The Bible says in Ecclesiastes chapter 7, verse 9, be not quick in your spirit to become angry. For anger lodges in the heart of fools. Why would God's word say that? Well, one thing is this it's not going to change the past. It's not going to change the past. No matter how much you resent it, it's not going to change the past. Your past is past. It's over. And secondly, is it keeps you in pain. It sustains the pain. And that's very unwise. Some of you are allowing people who've hurt you deeply in the past to continue to hurt you in the present by rehearsing it over and over and over in your mind. That's really unwise because they can't hurt you anymore. The past is past. They cannot hurt you anymore unless you allow them to by resenting them. And when you let your heart be filled with bitterness and resentment, and you rehearse it over and over in your mind, you are actually allowing them to control you, and you're allowing them to continue to hurt you. And that's not very wise for you. It's unreasonable, it's unhelpful. Job 18.4. Listen to what it says. Job 18.4 says, you tear yourself to pieces with your anger. You tear yourself to pieces with your anger. It's very unhelpful. It always hurts you more than it hurts the person you're upset at. You're miserable. The most unhappy people are bitter people. I think everybody knows somebody in your life. You've come across folks. Maybe it was an older man, older woman. Maybe it was your mother, an aunt, an uncle, dad. You know, 50 years ago, somebody done somebody wrong. 50 years ago, and they've never let it go. And 50 years later, she's still taking it out on everybody else. He's still angry and cranky and resentful and mean and venidic. Somebody needs to say to him, somebody needs to say to her, let it go. All you're doing is hurting everybody else around you and yourself. It happened, it's over. For your sake and everybody else's sake. Let's try to move on. They actually ruined their life because they refused to let it go. They hold on to a hurt. And that is not only unhelpful, it's unreasonable, and it makes them unhappy. The Bible says in Job 21, 23 through 25, the Bible says one person dies while he still has all his strength, feeling completely safe and comfortable. But another person dies with an unhappy heart, never enjoying any happiness. You know anybody like that? Resentment is unreasonable, it doesn't make sense, it's unhelpful, it doesn't change the situation, and it certainly doesn't make you feel any better. It's unhealthy. Research has shown that the most unhealthy emotion known to human beings is bitterness. Resentment. The most unhealthy emotion. And when you hold it in your heart, it's like taking cancer into your heart. It's like taking fire into your chest. By the way, when you fight fire with fire, do you know what you get? A bigger fire. That's actually what you get. You fight fire, it never solves anything. You fight fire with fire, you're going to fan the fire, and everybody around you is going to get burned. It doesn't work. It doesn't work. But carry these things. God did not make your body to carry resentment. If you don't talk it out to God, you're going to take it out on your body. When you continually are swallowing your bitterness and your anger and your resentment, your stomach keeps score. Why? Because it's the stress and the tension you're carrying from unresolved resentment and anger. And the unresolved resentment and anger stresses you out, takes itself out on your body. I know that so many people are really careful about healthy eating these days. Other people, not me. So many people are careful about healthy eating these days. And that's a good thing. That's a good thing. But if you don't get rid of resentment, it doesn't matter. Because in the bottom analysis, it's not what you eat that matters as much as what eats you. That's what matters. And when you have resentment in your heart, it's eating you alive, and you've got to let it go. You have to. Nothing will deplete your emotional energy faster. It just prolongs your hurt. It will continue to ruin your relationship in your home, with your spouse, with whoever. Well, there's a third reason you've got to let it go. First, God has forgiven me. Second, resentment doesn't work. It only makes me miserable. Here's the third reason from the text. Because I will need more forgiveness in the future. I will need more forgiveness in the future. Forgiveness is a two-way street. Jesus said this in Matthew 6. He said it in verse 35 of our text, but he also said this in Matthew 6. He said, For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Whoa. Now I have to tell you, I don't fully understand that. How that all works theologically with the rest of salvation. But I know it's serious. And he says, we cannot expect to receive what we're unwilling to give. God says you cut other some people with some slack, and God will cut you some slack. You're unforgiving and you're resentful and you hold on to your hurt. God says you'll be unforgiving yourself. When you pray the Lord's Prayer, and we pray, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. Or maybe you grew up with the translation, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Do you really know what you're saying when you pray that prayer? Do you know what you're saying? You're saying, God, I want you to forgive me as much as I forgive everybody else. God, I want you to forgive me just as much as I forgive everybody else. What? Do you really want to pray that prayer? God, I want you to forgive me just as much as I forgive everybody else. That's the standard, God says. And he says, you're going to need more forgiveness in the future. So you may not want to burn that bridge. One time a man came to the famous pastor and evangelist John Wesley. He was telling Pastor Wesley about this guy who had really hurt him. Wesley said, You've got to forgive him. And the man said, I could never forgive that man. And Wesley said, Then I hope you never sin. Then I hope you never sin. We cannot receive what we are unwilling to give. This is the principle of learning to forgive. Learning that God says, I'll forgive you as you forgive other people. If you don't forgive others, you're not going to be shown mercy. Now you may say, Pastor, I just can't do it. I just can't do it. It hurts too much. I can't forgive them. I can't forgive them. And you know what? You're right. You can't. That's why you need Jesus Christ. That's why you need the power of the Holy Spirit. Because you can't. You don't have enough love in your heart to let go of all the hurt you're going to experience in life. You can't humanly manufacture enough forgiveness to handle all the times that you're going to be misused, that you're going to be abused, or hurt in life. You've got to have a bigger source. You have to have an unlimited source of forgiveness. The Bible says in 2 Peter chapter 1, listen to what it says. It says, by his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who has called us by him to himself by means of his excellent glory and excellence. By his marvelous glory and excellence. And because of his glory and excellence, he has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable you to share his divine nature and escape the world's corruption caused by human desires. In view of all of this, make every effort to respond to God's promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence. And moral excellence with knowledge. And knowledge with self-control. And self-control with patient endurance. And patient endurance with godliness. And godliness with brotherly affection. And brotherly affection with love for everyone. The more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 1, 3 through 8. Romans 14, 19 says, Therefore, let us pursue the things which make for peace, and the things by which one may build up one another. Romans 14, 19. You've been hurt, and many of you have been hurt deeply. I'm very sorry for that for you. God wept when you were hurt. But as somebody who cares about you and loves you, I'm telling you, you've got to let it go. You have to for your sake. And for the sake of your home. For the sake of your family. For the sake of your church.

Listener Support And Message Return

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Forgiveness is one of the hardest things God calls us to do, but it is also one of the most freeing. If God is using this program in your life, would you help us continue sharing this message? Foundations of Truth is listener supported. And you can give a gift today at firm-foundations.org. That's firm-foundations.org. Now let's rejoin Dr. Timothy Mann with today's message. And thank you for standing with us.

Three Steps To Letting Go

Guided Prayer To Release Resentment

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Three important principles I want to close with. How? How do I do this? This is not again, I'm not writing a prescription as a doctor to say, take two of these and call me in the morning. That's not the kind of thing. This is work. This is supernatural work. How do I actually let go of those who hurt me? How do I let go of the hurt? Here's the first principle. I have to relinquish my right to get even. I relinquish my right to get even. That's the first step. And that's actually the very heart of forgiveness. You release them from their debt to you. That's what we see in the text. You say, let them go scot-free? That's not fair. You mean just let them off the hook? That's not fair. Who said forgiveness is fair? Let me ask you, was it fair for God to forgive you? Was it fair? No. Don't listen, let me ask you a question. Seriously, give me the answer. Don't you deserve to be punished for all the things you've ever done wrong? Yes. God doesn't give you what you deserve, he gives you what you need. Who says forgiveness is fair? It's not fair. It's actually an act of grace. And so you let God settle the score. The Bible says that God is a God of justice. And one day he's going to settle the score. Leave it up to him. In the meantime, you go ahead and let God fill your heart with peace and grace. The Bible says, listen, Romans 12 19. The Bible says, beloved, never avenge yourselves. Now the last time I checked the dictionary, I think never, I actually meant there's no qualifications except when this happens. Beloved, never avenge yourselves. But leave it to the wrath of God. For it is written, Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. Romans 12, 19. God is a just God. And he says, Don't take it into your own hands. You let God, who is a just God, who's never done anything wrong, let him be the impartial judge, and he's going to take care of those who ultimately deserve it in the end. But he says, relinquish it. Relinquish my right to get even. Now, how often do I have to do this? How often do I have to forgive? I want to say to you, as long as those feelings of revenge keep coming back, you're going to have to let go again. You're going to have to do it over and over. In fact, notice the context of our scripture. I didn't read verses 21 and 22 to begin with in Matthew 18. But here's the context. Peter is asking the Lord. He comes to the Lord and he says, Lord, how often should I forgive somebody who sins against me? Seven times? He thinks he's being really generous. He thinks he's being very, you know, magnanimous. No, Jesus says. How about 70 times seven? How about that? In other words, how about 499 times? Jesus is using hyperbole. Those of you who are literalists, that doesn't mean that the 500th time you don't have to forgive them anymore. He's using hyperbole to say, in other words, you don't keep count. You just keep letting go of that hurt. Forgiveness is continual. It's never a one-shot deal. If I really hurt, it's got to be repeated over and over. Here's how it works. Every time you remember how you've been hurt, you've got to release it. You remember it, you release it. You remember it, you release it. You remember it, you release it. You remember it, you release it. It's not a one-time shot. Because it's going to keep coming back to hurt you. That's how the enemy works. That's how Satan works. And every time you remember it, you release it. How do you know when you've released it? Well, it's when it really doesn't hurt as much anymore. You might have to do it a thousand times in your mind. They'll bring that memory back up and you say, God, I give it to you again. For the 100th time, Lord, I'm relinquishing my their debt. I'm relinquishing my right to get even. I'm letting him go. I am forgiving her by faith in my mind. Here's the problem. Every time you rehearse it, you make it deeper. Every time you release it, it gets weaker in your life. I relinquish my right to get even as many times as I need. Second principle. And I'm circling the runway. I'm about to land in a plane. It's this. Not only do I have to relinquish my right to get even, I have to refocus on God's purpose for my life. I have to refocus on God's purpose for my life. Refocusing not on the pain, but on God's purpose for my life. See, God's purpose for your life is to be a disciple of Jesus. God's purpose for your life is to be a witness for Jesus. God's purpose for your life is to bring glory to him until he takes you home. And all of that has to be your focus. Don't focus on the hurt, focus on the hope. Don't focus on the pain, focus on the purpose. Don't focus on the violator, focus on the victor and the victory. Focus on the future. Now, why is that important? Because as long as you focus on a person who's hurt you, they control you. They control you. And you don't want anybody who's hurt you in the past to control you in the present. But as long as you keep focusing on them, you're letting them to continue to hurt you. Whatever you focus on controls you. You don't want other people controlling your life. You want God controlling your life. So whatever you focus on will end up controlling you. Why is this so important? Why is this so important? Well, you're not going to like it, but it's true. Because here it is. If you don't release them, then you will start to resemble them. What am I saying? I'm saying whatever you focus on, you're going to become like. If you don't release them, you're going to start to resemble them. Oh, I'm never going to be like my mother. Oh, yeah? Never going to be like my father. Really? Whatever you focus on in your life, you move toward. If you focus on pain, that's what you move toward. If you focus on God's goodness and how he wants you to live for him, that's what you move toward. Change your focus. The more you focus on that person who hurt you, you're keeping the bridge between you and them open, and that bitterness is coming right across that bridge, and it's going to affect you. It's going to infect you. And you will become the very thing that you despise. You've got to let it go. You've got to release them, or you'll begin to resemble them. Focus on God's purpose for you. I'm going to give you the last one. Coming in for the landing. If I'm going to let them go, let release the debt, I have to relinquish my right to get even. I have to refocus on God's good purpose for me, not the hurt, not the hardship I went through, not the problems I dealt with. And then here's the third thing. I have to respond to evil with good. I have to respond to evil with good. Romans 12 21 says, Don't be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Don't be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. I think that should be our memory verse this week. Based on what's all going on in the world. Romans 12 21. Don't be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. And by the way, you're going to need that verse this week. With that clerk who's a jerk at the store. With your husband who is so frustrating to you. Patty, you listening? You're going to need that verse this week. Sweetheart. You're going to need it. With your children who think they know everything and want nothing, do not want any input from you. You're going to need this verse this week. You're going to need that verse. Now I'm not saying those people are evil. I'm suggesting that the enemy, Satan, is finding ways to work evil between people. Don't you see what's going on? The Bible says in Ephesians that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against spiritual powers and wickedness. So your family is ultimately not your problem. Your husband, lady, is ultimately not your problem. You may think he is. He's not ultimately your problem. The evil that Satan is working is your problem. There's a lot of evil in this world. And the way you overcome evil is not by criticizing it. We don't expect unbelievers to act like believers till they are. You don't change the world by just complaining about it. You actually overcome evil with good. That's what we're here to do. That's why we're here. We don't just sit around and condemn. We just do good. That's how you overcome evil in the world. That's what the Holy Spirit of God said. And so if overcoming evil is by doing good, then the question is what good are you doing? What good are you doing to your wife? What good are you doing to your husband? What good are you doing to your children, to your grandchildren? Look, you don't make progress by criticizing your wife and doing things to get back at her. You don't change your husband. By criticizing him and doing things to spite him. Don't be overcome with evil, but overcome evil with good. And it's not just about being nice. It's actually about demonstrating love in tangible ways and humbly sharing the truth of God's word when we have the opportunity. It's living the gospel. It's talking the gospel. And it's not easy. This is a supernatural work, but this is what being a Christian is all about. I don't know who you need to forgive today, who you need to let go of. It may be the person you share your house with. It may be someone who's dead already. Maybe somebody at work. Let's close this way. Would you bow your heads with me? Just bow your heads. I'm going to pray a prayer. If you can relate to this prayer, maybe you need to pray it. Talking about letting go of hurt. Dear God, I've had a really hard time letting go of those people who've hurt me. I don't want to let them go. I don't want to forgive them. But I know that my resentment is only hurting me. It's unreasonable, it's unhelpful, and it's unhealthy. Lord, the truth is I don't want to go another day of carrying this hurt and hate in my heart. I want to let it go. Thank you for all the times you've forgiven me, even when I didn't ask for it. I know that I need to do that with. And you fill in the name right now. Name the person you need to let go. Thank you, Lord. So today I'm reaching out to you, Jesus Christ. I'm asking you to fill my life and fill me with your love and mercy and grace. And I'm asking you to forgive me so that I can feel forgiven and can forgive others. Lord, I want to forgive those who've hurt me so I can stop letting them control me. Today, I'm giving up my right to get even. Please replace my hurt with your peace, Lord. Jesus, I know there's been times that I've hurt others. So, Lord, if there's someone, help me to think of those people I've harmed, and in the right way, at the right time, to humbly seek to make amends. I want to be a peace ambassador. I want to be an agent of reconciliation in my home, in my family, in your world. And I want to help overcome the evil of the world and in my life, not just by condemning it and complaining about it and criticizing it, but by doing good. Help me to do all of this, Lord, by your power and for your glory. In Jesus' name. Amen.

Resources Radio Times And Giving

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