Undoing with Jeanie Duncan

Undoing E2: "Redefining Enough" with Christie Soper

• Jeanie P. Duncan • Season 1 • Episode 2

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This episode features Undoing guest, Christie Soper, an extraordinary leader, entrepreneur, and recent retiree who shares her powerful journey of reimagining success, embracing an ever-unfolding identity, and redefining "enough." Christie shares how transitioning into early retirement has revealed new and deep insights about her own authenticity, purpose, and balance. Tune in for insights about how to step forward boldy and bravely, transforming your life no matter where you are on your threshold of change.

 Main Topics

  • Christie’s leadership journey from Fortune 200 executive to entrepreneurship and retiree
  • The importance of embracing the concept of “enough” and setting boundaries
  • How big waves of change can be sleep-worthy when you relax into uncertainty
  • The role of purpose over achievement and significance over material success
  • The power of self-care, mindfulness, and listening to your inner voice
  • Rewriting identity after career shifts and caregiving experiences

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Host & Show Info

  • Host Name: Jeanie P. Duncan
  • About the Host: Jeanie is a transformation partner helping leaders and organizations align with their values, discover their core purpose, and create meaningful impact in the world. Bringing over 25 years of experience as a CEO, advisor, leadership coach, speaker, and author, Jeanie offers knowledgeable and passionate guidance to generate powerful, effective, and strategic change on the personal and organization level.
  • Visit the Podcast Website
  • Connect with Jeanie on LinkedIn
SPEAKER_04

Welcome to Undoing. Women on the Thresh and the Journey and Beyond. I'm your host, Jeannie Duncan. This is a space for the brave and the becoming. Women who are redefining success, power, and purpose on their own terms. Each week, we step into honest, unguarded conversations with women who have dared to pause, pivot, or completely unravel what no longer fits. These are women who are standing at the threshold. They're deep in the messy middle, and they're emerging with something truer, deeper, and more aligned than what came before. Together, we explore what happens when we let go of old identities, untangle the narratives we've inherited, and choose to trust the parts of us that are still taking shape. Because courage isn't about holding everything together, it's about letting yourself unravel so what's real can rise. This is Undoing. I'm so glad you're here. Hi everyone. Today my guest on Undoing is Christy Sober, a retired founder, Fortune 200 executive, and someone who's lived multiple extraordinary chapters of a life built on courage, curiosity, and reinvention. Christy has spent two decades as a trailblazing leader in financial services, becoming the youngest woman promoted to an officer role at her company. She then stepped boldly into entrepreneurship, founding Suncierge, a global travel consultancy spanning more than a hundred countries through a $26 billion network. Now rooted in coastal North Carolina, Christy's in a new season of life. And I have a feeling she has a lot to say about what it means to undo, reimagine, and step into what's next. Hi Christy. Hi Jeannie. Thanks for joining me on Undoing. I'm so excited to have you on the show. I have to say, Christy, what drew me to you, I was thinking about our relationship and leading up to this time together. And we came together in an epic year. I don't know. Do you remember the year? 2015? I I have it maybe it was 2015. I have it as 2016. Somewhere in there. And when I hear 2016 in my body, it's wow, that was an epic year for me. And I know it was for you as well. I was remembering back that it was our coaching relationship through some common colleagues that brought us together. But I have to say I believe our souls knew that this pairing must happen and happen right now.

SPEAKER_03

Yep.

SPEAKER_04

I was very drawn to you.

SPEAKER_03

I I just remember sitting in a nonprofit board meeting where I guess technically is how we got to know each other work-wise, and just being so impressed by you and really knowing that I was feeling that natural gravitational pull to you. And I think in a room full of women, which that room happened to be, you listen when that knock happens and embrace it and be open to it. And so here we are.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. And it was mutual. I and I really do think our souls knew. It's let's have this happen right now. And looking back, so happy 10-year anniversary. Thank you. Here we are. And I know that year for me, wow, I left a 25-year marriage. I came out. You left a 20-year career at your financial services company. You were launching your travel business you had dr dreamt of. And it's of course, here we are, right on time with all this crazy wild stuff happening in our life. Ten years later. And and what a journey it's been in this 10 years. And I'm so glad you're in my life. Aww. Yeah. What a great way to celebrate a friendship. It is, right? Join me on my podcast. Let's talk about this journey. So, what I love about you, so many things, but probably one of my favorites or the favorite is you don't do anything a little bit. You don't do anything small. You live this go big or go home kind of mantra. And it's this bold and brave way that you show up in the world that is so inspiring. And for me, it's so magnetic. It I live that way. And so I'm just naturally drawn to others that like that too. And what impresses me most about you is not only what you've built, but what you've let go of along the way in your life journey.

SPEAKER_03

It's interesting. I have a funny metaphor that leapt to my brain when you just said that. Um you and I sell some sailing background, and I remember one time my husband and I were on a trip in the BVI on a sailing catamaran, and we hit some pretty decent waves. We were on like 10 to 15 foot waves on this boat, and the captain was upstairs sort of navigating through. And where was it? It was in my cabin, sleeping like a baby all the way through it. And so living and embracing the big waves is uh is literally so comfortable that I could metaphorically and literally sleep right through it.

SPEAKER_04

This is my uh going to sleep wave. So comfortable.

SPEAKER_02

Bring me the big waves. They said when I came up, are you okay? We were worried about you. I was like, no, I was dead out. You know, like, what's wrong? What's the matter with you?

SPEAKER_04

What happened here? What I miss. Oh, nothing. It's just the typical. Wow, I love that metaphor that is so true of you, I think. I'm glad you brought it up. Makes me laugh. Oh, me too. What a great way to get started. Christy, there are many moments and themes over your life journey that you could share with our listeners. In fact, we might do a little repeat interview journey together on this podcast. But today I'm curious what feels especially relevant to you today? What's on your mind and heart?

SPEAKER_03

So that's what I've been reflecting on quite a bit since we spoke originally about starting this journey with the podcast together and doing the interview has really been about enough. And the the word enough, you know, it really is resonating with me. I even thought about it this morning, woke up. Um, it just it sort of is on been bright bold for me because so much of the journey of figuring out who I am without a career, without that full-time work gig, and without having that sort of mantle uh for an enterprise that I own and watch over and care for entrepreneurially has really stripped me bare initially. And not necessarily in a bad way. There's certainly some ups and downs as you strip away what felt like some really core DNA. When work was removed from the equation, something that really sprouted from that was enough, what's enough? And why do I know it's enough? And what are the boundaries around that to some extent? Because enough is rooted in boundaries, but it's much broader than that. Boundaries in the sense of what do you need in your relationships, for example? If you're not in a career where you're professionally networking and your ABC always be closing when you're an entrepreneur, and you don't have that set up for you as a motivation, then who are you and what do you need relationship-wise? If it's just who you are as a person, that changes the compass needle really substantially.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_03

And so for me, that became one of those, all right, who are we? What do we need in our relationships and what are the boundaries that we put up? And it became for me defined in the relationships as a sort of a no-nonsense rule and really embracing the authenticity. And so the friendships and the relationships that I have much better called at this point. The people who are in my life are true champions, or they're not here at all.

SPEAKER_04

Wow. Yeah, such a I feel I feel choice in that. It's an intentionality, a very intentionally curating absolutely. So you've jumped into this, wow, this beautiful word enough. Here we are. Go bigger, go home. Wow, okay. You want to talk about enough. Woo! What I'd love for you to do, because you just said when you're no longer in this place of career, so context set a little bit for our listeners. Absolutely. Who's Christy Soper? And what brings you to this place of careers not in the equation? So introduce us, bring us into the setting a little bit around this topic of enough.

SPEAKER_03

So at 16 years old, I was bitten by the marketing bug. I took a class as an elective in high school as marketing and absolutely fell head over heels in love. It is truly a first love for me. I loved the sales aspect of it. I loved the trying to understand the psychology of a sale, of marketing and messaging, and how to connect that to an audience. It literally bit me, and I just finally stepped away from it at age 48 to do that math, right?

SPEAKER_04

Wow. And at 16, you were being bitten by a marketing bug. Most humans at 16, I don't know, they're like thinking about just school and all this extracurricular activity in their life, learning to drive, but Christy's business marketing.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I like CEO of IBM at like 17. Get out. Just yeah, I was always shooting for the stars. And a lot, and no, a lot of that is is was need-driven as much as want-driven. I grew up with raised by a single mother immigrant who was sacrificing a lot for my sister and me to have some opportunities here in this country. And one thing she definitely set aflame for me was being very independent. And I love the meme that I've seen on a pillow recently. It's I am the rich white man. Don't marry that guy, be that guy. And I just, it always makes me chuckle because she definitely implanted that seed with us. And so fast forward, I went into my college education, graduating almost a year early, and was working three jobs during that, and still managed to graduate Suma cum loud. And then I had some opportunities to really step away from education and go right into a career in sales, and then had some time to just explore what that meant for me and start climbing. I started my MBA at 23. I finished it at 20. I've just always had extreme ambition and always knew what that North Star was in terms of business and worked really hard over those years until I had put in 20 years in hindsight into a large financial services, Fortune 200. I had the corner window with the pretty view of downtown and just all the perks that come from six weeks of PTO and just all that stuff, and was so dissatisfied, just felt so hollow and empty after achieving what most people define as success. My mother loved it. That's exactly what she thought she wanted for me. And what I realized is that I had achieved success materially, but I had not achieved significance in my soul. And for me, that meant bailing at 43 on corporate America and deciding to become an entrepreneur. And then at 48, deciding that when COVID hit and profoundly destroyed my business, I was able and very grateful to have a meeting with my financial planner who said, No, you can go out now. You can technically retire, just be smart about it, make good decisions. And for me, that was okay, let's define this as enough. I could go back to a corporate gig and work five or 10 more years and have twice as much house and at the coast and all that. Or we say, this is enough. We're gonna make this work and we're gonna be smart and resourceful about it as much as you can, given the current economic environment, and we're gonna live within our means like I always have. And that became the priority, and that began the journey of enough, saying this is enough to accomplish what I want right now, and that's the path we're gonna pick.

SPEAKER_04

Okay. So you flipped the switch then. And is that retirement for you? Is that what you did in that moment? Retirement's a big word, Jeannie. It is, Christy. That's a bit of a Pandora's box. We talked about this. Like, what is retirement?

SPEAKER_03

And what has blown me away, having also worked in the retirement industry under that financial services company, is we save and we save, or we try to save, and sometimes we don't know what we're saving for. We're just told to do that. And then we get to whatever it is, and people have all these connotations of what retirement means. And I love the spectrum of what that represents with people. Some people, it's scary. It's this end, this finality of this journey, and it feels like something is going to be off a cliff in terms of the path, and people really shy from it. And people will just work themselves until they can't work anymore. To me, that's an interesting way to think of it. I'm a proponent of repositioning what retirement looks like and saying, okay, retirement can be just another chapter in your world where you are now scaling back on career and the work you're doing, perhaps, for your community, or working in a nonprofit, or just volunteering, or throwing a pair of hands in to help a neighbor. All of that is just unpaid work, but you're still utilizing the skill sets and uh knowledge base and all the things that are in your quiver to bring forward.

SPEAKER_04

And it speaks to purpose too. It's I think uh in in what you're sharing at 16 the story of the marketing class and falling in love with it. And I think you said at 17 you knew you wanted to be president of a company and you were you had your North Star and then you tr traveled through this career, very impressive, high profile, high power career. So you said, I had it all, and I loved your phrase that went something like all the signs of success, but not significance. And so for someone who was so driven, like from a career-wise to step and then becoming an entrepreneur and stepping away from career chapter at I think you said 48. And that was a few years ago now. Yes. Um what five years ago? Wow. I'm going, what does one do when they've had a vision of that for so long and then they've lived it, and then you switch into this new chapter? I'm thinking there's something that's gotta be there around identity, around who are you in that journey and who are you now? And what's this retirement chapter, this next chapter, like for you?

SPEAKER_03

You know, I think about a lot of people in the past and currently who are struggling in their careers. Um, as we're aging, people are either they're feeling unfulfilled, but they don't have what are whatever the circumstances are to feel like they can go and embrace something else. And then you have people who have been vested in their careers for a long time and for a variety of circumstances, maybe unemployed or not able to get into a role or an organization or an industry that they feel would be next. So I think a lot of people are struggling with the path and perhaps forks in the road. And so when I think about retirement, there's a lot of ways to define that for those types of people in particular because you can consult and control your hours and the type of work that you want to select to embrace. And you can wholesale change out like I did, where corporate and now I just want to go work with small business and people. I really loved entrepreneurship because it connected me to the people instead of being in an executive role where I was seven layers away from the people that we were trying to serve. And so it really becomes important to think about what's enough with enough heads up and lead time to think about what can be next, what do I want to think about as a pen where I want to march toward that doesn't have to be five miles out, it can be a few steps away. And know that circumstances are going to change one way or the other. And so the more time and preparation that goes into thinking about that, and of course, I share this wisdom completely for hindsight because I flubbed it too. When the rug gets ripped out from underneath you, are you ready? Have you had some time to think about it and to prepare and really start to calculate what are some options and where could I possibly go with that? And what would I want that to look like as my future? And the more people do the work, just like a financial plan, do the work now to emotionally and mentally, and truly health-wise, to save up to get ready for whatever's next, the better and easier the transition's going to be to whether it's retirement or another career or whatever else could be ahead of us.

SPEAKER_04

So you said something that's so meaningful to me. You said this is all in hindsight, but in the midst of it, because this podcast, in the midst of it, I flubbed up. Sorry, I'll complete my sentence. Because this is all about women on the threshold and the journey and beyond. And so parts of this, yeah, I'm curious, what was the flub or the flubbing that happened for you that you're willing to talk about here? Because that's so important. Oh gosh, so many flubs, so little time.

SPEAKER_03

I think when I had 20 years in with the company that I've been working for and climbed that ladder and had the scars to prove it, I did not listen to my inner voice enough. And I did not have enough confidence in who I was and my partner in our circumstances to believe, to allow myself to believe that I could go and do something different and more and better and pursue that purpose and passion. And so I I, every time I would get that voice inside going, there's more to this, there's some opportunities that I should be looking at, I would beat it down because we had four kids, some were in college, some were headed to college, all the obligations. And then you're just in the rut of that day-to-day. And it's hard to be to lift your head up and thinking about, I'm gonna work on my life instead of in my life. And it just got to the point where I ignored that voice and ignored it until I was crying every Sunday about going back to work in that corporate environment. And I just remember hitting a wall one day and saying to my spouse that I am done. Even if it's a Walmart greeter job, I am out. And it wasn't until I really hit a wall that I could just have the freedom to some to some extent to just lift my head and go, let's look around, let's think about this. What could I do? If given no handcuffs, what could I do? And that's when the travel dream was born. And in hindsight, I wish I had listened to my inner voice. I wish I could appreciate everything I had accomplished and what I did have in my corner that I could leverage to think bigger than just no, I have to stay here, I have to make this money, I have to make sure our kids are provided for no matter what, etc. etc. And I I no one put me in a corner but myself. I did that to myself. So that was a big flub. I think the other flub was when my My business when COVID happened, if you can imagine running a global travel company, and then what March 2020 started to feel like in my industry and my business, and we had just expanded staff-wise, and then within three months they were all gone. My entire staff was gone. And within by August, my business was completely gone.

SPEAKER_04

That's so crushing. Still right here, right now, to hear you speak that word, those words is so crushing.

SPEAKER_03

But wow, what a complete and devastating loss that was for something that I had built from scratch, named Careford Water, grew, watched it thrive, watched it expand, and then just collapse within a matter of a few months. And because the travel industry was the canary in the coal mine, we were really out front in terms of the impacts. We were so far out ahead of what financial assistance was being provided governmentally. They had not even stood up the options fully. The banks didn't even know what was coming and how to administer it. And we were already pretty much gone before that, even you could have a conversation with the banker. So it was just a very devastating experience. And I think the flub for me was that I just was working up to that point, sometimes 20-hour days, to keep that baby front and center. And although COVID was obviously a huge hit to the business, it was probably a rescue call for me because health-wise, I was not in a good place. I was not taking care of myself. I had gained some weight. I was certainly under a huge amount of stress. And I don't know how sustainable that really was long term. And like it or not, those moments happen where I did not recognize enough was enough. And we had just made some hiring decisions. So we were starting to shift into some succession planning and trying to transition some of the responsibility off of me. But it took a lot for me to get there. And so the word enough, I can look back in reflection at these flubs and go, okay, what could we have done better? We could have defined enough more clearly and explored that and tried to embrace that before we were at the point of almost a desperate measure.

SPEAKER_04

Like a collapse. Yeah. There was I I hear this. It's in your stories of there's a repeatable pattern, I suppose I'd call it, of just driving until you're just flat. You're completely overwhelmed or you're flattened before you get to that point of enough. And understanding what that is and how do we live life in a more sustainable way. And why is it? I hear this story so often with women of just and it's been my own story. I remember the end of 22 when I had published my first book, and I that had been the biggest year in my business also, and I literally fell to the ground at the end of the year. I was at the top of our stairs in our home. I called to my wife Lynn and just collapsed. And not from a heart event or anything, and I was still conscious, but just physical. I just dropped. I was so completely empty, completely worn out. With a pat with passion projects. My business in this book, all three of my first book was a dream of mine, but wore myself completely out. And why do we do that? And I think it's a common theme with women, with very driven, and this is about professional women. We so many of us, this is how we do what we do. And I'm curious what's here for you. What is what do you think the why is behind that? What's your own? What has you doing that? Oh, that's a deep question.

SPEAKER_03

I think for me, there was that need as a child, very young, observing my mother making a lot of sacrifices and realizing that if this was going to get done, it was by my own hand. And having also being the older child and utilizing every skill set I had, every minute I had in the march toward something bigger, better, more independent, less paycheck to paycheck, like we were living as a family, and really having that survivability in the back of my brain really felt more like tattooed on my forehead, that everything I was doing was a survival mode. I grew up from a scarcity mindset and model, and that dictated so much of that deplete yourself on this mission of achievement and success. And I think I love project management. It was one of the best things I ever did in my career to pursue that as a discipline and a practice. And I use the concept of contingency for those of us who are in project management. That is where you set aside, let's say, 10% of whatever reserve for a project to ensure it's there to catch whatever overrun that you need a resource power or dollars or whatnot. And I've really thought about how do I apply that to life to know, okay, there is a contingency, but it's there to tap in emergency only. And if you know you're tapping that contingency, wake up because there's something that you need to be paying attention to there. And so when my energy starts to get depleted or you know, I'm getting short with people I love, it's something I really tune into is all right, are we tapping the contingency right now? And if so, why is that happening? So it it causes me to really shift a gear and take a pause and try to apply, all right, what's gone sideways on this project that we need to pull back in line so we can stop tapping that contingency.

SPEAKER_04

What a great metaphor. Yeah, monitoring your own life and environment and we so often don't take that pause, that time out to go wait, wait. Let's take a let's just raise our heads up, look around, what's happening? Well, and that's a luxury to be able to take that time.

SPEAKER_03

True. That's yeah, that comes with wisdom, and it also comes with the luxury of being able to say, Oh yeah, this is what I need right now, and this is self-care, and this must be done. Self-care is deprioritized for so many reasons, and it is just so critically important. Recently, I had a loved one who was in the ICU for several days unexpectedly, and got this person home and settled. And the next day I was like, I am so boxy feeling from sleeping in a recliner in a hospital and just not sleeping in a recliner in a hospital and dealing with so much information at one time and trying to care for this person and care for myself. And I just I felt me hitting that contingency. And I was like, I know this sounds ridiculous, but I have to go get a massage.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And I did, and I'm like, I'm not here to apologize for that. I needed some of this tension to just be worked out from a lactic acid standpoint and drink a lot of water and just regroup myself physically so that I can now caretake for others. And it was totally putting that that mask on yourself first before you put it on others on the plane, right? Right. And so but there would have been a time where I would have not done that, wouldn't have made that appointment, would have just kept pushing and saying, I've got this, I can do this until a collapse, right?

SPEAKER_04

And so there's this intelligence and wisdom that builds over time. It's like the thing about maturing with every passing year, there are things that I don't like, but the thing that I love is that learning that you're referring to that you may not have done a few years ago or back in a prior time, but to do that now. And I'm connecting this to this mode of survivability that you spoke of. It's amazing, first of all, how our upbringing shapes who we are. The story of how you grew up and your mom and I had I too had parents who were business owners, entrepreneurs, and I grew up working in the business when my friends were out playing and getting in all kinds of trouble. There was no time for that in my life. I was so responsible at an early age, and not necessarily because I wanted to be. I'm not bragging on myself. I'm saying I had some chores like nobody's business, and there was no flexibility around not getting those done. But that is so present for me now. And when you speak of surviving and your mother, your immigrant mother, and the challenges I can't even imagine her facing with children and the responsibility she felt, and that getting ingrained in you, and so just that drive, that ambition that you've referenced. It's almost like we don't necessarily need to do that any longer, but the DNA in our body doesn't know not to. It just until you can either have events that awaken you, defining moments that somehow change your path or course, and I know you've had some of those where you're like, nope, this is not my way, and you speak of it as redefining, rewriting enough.

SPEAKER_03

Well, and watching it play out in your children, you know, of a young adult, um, almost a man uh son. He is a man, that's not fair. He is a man, and he's a great man. I'm uh love him to pieces. And it's interesting as he's completed his degree and he's starting his career, and he's just become a manager, and he's, you know, so bright and so gifted and so smart. And he has navigated this, you know, everything from novig navigating the job interview and negotiating terms and accepting roles and having roles fall through and learning those lessons, and it's just been so interesting to relive it through his lens try while you're trying to help and guide lightly and in a way that is welcomed as opposed to too motherly. And I think watching his work ethic develop and watch him wrestle with the same issues of too driven, gotta learn to take those pauses. It's a marathon, not a sprint, those types of conversations and really hoping he learns it faster than I did.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, I think we we have those hopes and dreams for our kids, and you and I have sons in the same decade of their life, and what you're right, watching them and they have to do it on their own and live their life, and we support them, of course. But watching them adult is one of the greatest joys of my life, and it's also a reminder of or not a reminder, but as I get to watch, oh, how did what I did and how I did it impact his life and how is that showing up now? Oh yeah. And I can in advance say, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Oh, no kidding. I do that because I have my own you and I. We have so much in common, Christy. I'm just reminded of that here in this moment of our challenging mom relationships and their beautiful relationships, and wow, what a yeah, the complexity, what a lifelong learning in classroom that is. So I want to come to this place of so you're in this chapter, you've been in this chapter, this new chapter. I think you said five years in terms of retirement. And I'm really curious around how you are rewriting or authoring Enoff the self-authorship. And I just have this curiosity too around this identity. Like, how are you it's selfish, let me just name that this wondering and curiosity around identity. I'm going, my career is my life. It when I know we we share that, and we both business owners and prefer that working for companies. And then when you're not doing that any longer, and your life is so full right now, I know. What has that journey been like for you around identity and reauthoring enough?

SPEAKER_03

You know, it's easy to apply the scarcity mindset in my situation. I chose to accept my career early. And while I was in the drought of identity, that decision, to say, well, what am I missing? You know, what should I have stepped away? Shouldn't should I be seconding myself? Oh, now this friend had this accomplishment, and we're the same age. And if I had stayed the course of my career, I could have had that accomplishment. And it's it envy finds weird ways sometimes to pop up in our lives. And it had nothing to do about that friend. It was about the reflection I was seeing in my in myself in the mirror and thinking through, okay, did I make that right decision? And how can I make this decision right for me? And so five years into it, let's back up. I'd say one to two years into it, I really wasn't sure I had made the right decision. There were times where I would just death scroll jobs to like job postings just to see is there any flutter in my heart when I look at these things, is there anything that gets my attention or gives me that spark that would so often start me into looking for another internal position with my company or give me an idea about how I wanted to flex my business when I was an entrepreneur, that that spark that gets you excited. And then the next thing you know, you can't stop thinking about it, and then you can't stop talking about it. And I was craving that spark. I missed having that spark post-career. And then my mother had to have a major organ transplant two years ago, and I went into heavy caretaking mode supporting her. And after, gosh, maybe six or seven rounds of two-week stays in the hospital post-surgery due to infections, I'd get home after having slept in that damn recliner. Sorry. Oh, and I was just so emotionally and physically and mentally exhausted. Because when a transplant phone call comes in for someone who's been on the list for over seven years, it is from the time the call comes in to till my mother was in recovery. 12 hours elapsed. So it turned the entire world upside down in terms of all these plans that you had, they're gone because now you're in caretaking mode immediately for a loved one. And I was very glad that I was at a point in my life where I could take the time to support her on her journey and in her health. But what I was finding is that the lack of spark combined with the work that I was putting in to be a nurse and a caretaker and a pillbox filler and a laundry and a meal prep and all those things wasn't exactly my calling either. And so I used the lack of spark, if you will, to say, okay, if this is what the future looks like, if this is my life in 25 years from now, I don't know what's going to happen between this moment and the end. But I know that if this isn't where I feel like I'm meant to be, then by God, we're going to go find where I am supposed to be. And that precipitated a complete wholesale change of putting a house on a market, selling the house on day one that it was listed, packing up everything and moving it to the coast and living in an Airbnb rental long-term for about 10 months while we house hunted or tried to even figure out if the location was where we were meant to be, finding finally a house, remodeling, getting into it. And that journey was almost a year. And so here we are, year and a half into that whole experience. I'm happier than I think I've ever been in terms of just being in my own skin and being stripped of all the things that I use to identify who I was work-wise, and just being who I am and being settled in that and embracing it. And so now I feel like I'm finally figuring out that identity question that you were sharing with me, but that's taken a five-year journey to get there.

SPEAKER_04

Say more about what have you figured out about identity for yourself?

SPEAKER_03

I figured out that I didn't need the career, even though I thought I did. It was hard to just cut that out with any type of surgical precision. What I find myself gravitating toward now is oh yeah, I have free time and I need to leverage that. So I jokingly said to you that right now I major in boat. I want to walk out to that dock, get on said boat, and take off. And if I don't get time to do that, I'm very cranky. And so having the hobbies and having the joys as frequently as you can while learning to take just better care of ourselves. How much of that do we chalk by the wayside when we're caregiving and caretaking in all the ways and making that a more proactive, consistent effort every day with something I just wasn't doing and now have the luxury to do.

SPEAKER_04

You're so to it.

SPEAKER_03

And I need it now. Yeah, I need that. And I think too, what I learned was that I really enjoyed leadership. And so now I'm very involved as a president of a local nonprofit organization for a one-year term. And doing that has really been fun to pull some of those arrows out of my quiver to utilize and really make some deep progress that was needed to modernize the organization in several ways. And yet coming to a conclusion of that in June and saying, I think I've accomplished everything I wanted to, and I feel good about where it's landed. And the women, it just happened to be all women in the board and for the first time in the history of the organization. 40 years. Can't you believe it? But the women came together voluntarily, they put their hand in the air to take on these roles, and it has just been poetry in motion to watch such strong women with amazing diverse backgrounds and skill sets come together. And man, we are just in our own little microcosm. We are doing amazing things, and it that is so fun.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, yeah. That's your magnetism, Christy. That didn't just happen for the first time in history. You are so inspiring that way, and you draw people in. So I'm not surprised to hear that at all. I'm sitting with a couple of themes here and just really enjoying it. This idea of repurposing strengths and values. Like what you did over your career, it's like you don't have to kiss that goodbye and go, oh, that's done. I'm just gonna go be on the boat. You you are such a purpose driven human being. I think humans in general are. And you've you you're taking those strengths and deploying them in a new way, like with this organization that you just named. And there there's something about it in in this chapter of your life that sounds like like what I'm hearing is greater freedom. Freedom to do that, and then when you feel like you've completed what you set out to do, it's okay. Bye. I've done what I was here to do, and I'm gonna move on to the next thing. So there's that repurposing and also identifying new interests and values for yourself of just this there's a relaxation value, it sounds, of just having fun and there's this ease where that's important to actually purposefully have that in your life. And then the third thing that I'm sitting with is when you have something happen in your life that reveals the opposite of what you're wanting, and you don't even know it yet until you're living it. So this caregiving that was happening to you. It's at this point in my life too where I'm at the age where I have to consider more intentionally the what I put in my mouth, like what I fuel myself with, and how I treat and take care of my body in terms of working out and wellness, and then on one end, still the forever parenting of my child, and then the elder care. And you've spoken of that to your loved ones, also our partners, our spouses, and attending to them. So when you're in that mode where you had that awakening, I think of it as an awakening with your mom of looking around going, Oh my goodness, this very intense, sudden caregiving and day in and day out, this is important, I will do this some, but this is not my life. And if I keep at this being available all the time, this is going to be my life. And by the way, this is not the life I want to live. And you made that conscious choice of just like either the organ donor comes up instantly, you put your house on the market, it's sold instantly. And so then you're like, you moved so quickly from the outside end. It looked like you moved so quickly to this next thing. And you did this kind of test case, let's rent a place, let's test this out, let's see if this is how this feels in our bodies. I just admire that. And it ultimately felt really good, and you've now bought a home that's such a beautiful home. Yeah, so those three things, this repurposing, this identifying new, and this thinking about the life you want to live. Sometimes we have to see the opposite in order to know, yeah, what is the life I want to live.

SPEAKER_03

If we're lucky, we get gentle, subtle navigational pushes to embrace. And ideally, that I wish that for everyone. But the reality is you probably got a kick in the pants. The job went away, the kids left, menopause hit. We haven't even started that discussion. That's a whole nother hour conversation. Or sometimes the spouse exits, or you exit, or you just decide you've had enough and you're choosing something else. And I think no matter which of those circumstances happen, I just feel like the more preparation and thoughtfulness and mindfulness that one can put into change is going to happen. How do we get ready for it as opposed to just getting the wind knocked out of us, or we just so desperately have to go because we haven't afforded ourselves that change when the voice started speaking? I can't really underscore that enough that I think we're capable of making big changes, big wave changes, like we were talking about at the beginning, because we keep practicing the muscle of change and risk and calculated risk, not risk without with abandon. But I think being mindful and embracing it and being able to hold things up in a prism and look at them from different angles and saying, okay, this isn't exactly the fit I was looking for. Let's make a minor change. Or, oh no, this is so misaligned. We have to make a major change. And the more you practice changing, the easier it gets. And the more risk you get comfortable with, the more the world opens up to you.

SPEAKER_04

Oh, that's like a mic drop.

SPEAKER_03

Wow.

SPEAKER_04

And I go back to that beautiful story at the beginning of you sleeping on the boat through the 10, 15 foot swells. And I there's something about that that's relax into the waves, relax into the uncertainty, which is so like an oxymoron, right? It's so counterintuitive to relax into change and uncertainty. But there's a gift of that.

SPEAKER_03

When I was ten years ago, exactly. Oh, that was such a big year, wasn't it? When I finally decided that I was leaving the cushion and the comfort and the security of 20 years in corporate America, for what I really had no idea, but I was going. And now I look back on it and I'm thanking myself for finally getting over the hump. And because all the other risks and all the other changes just felt, if I could do that one, I can do anything pretty much. I'm not afraid anymore. I really am not. And then you can start embracing that bigger change. And whatever people are on the precipice of, one, it's probably not nearly as as massively capable of destroying your earth as you think it is. And two, is there a way to do calculated, iterative, small steps toward it without feeling like the whole thing has to completely holistically change? Small steps, small bites are definitely helpful. For me, I was, I'd say probably five months before I left my corporate gig. I was using time, nights and weekends, to go ahead and start building a business plan and doing all the things preparationally so that when I left, I felt like I wasn't just all of a sudden lost and I already had a plan. And the next day when I had exited, it was like, okay, now I'm just full-time into this and let's get going. And I loved what I was doing so much that it wasn't worth. The learning was just fascinating. And being self-employed is lonely, but also so stimulating in other ways. And trying to understand entrepreneurship before you get into it is certainly another opportunity as well. So there's a lot to be said around that. There is. And I think one of the things I'd be remiss to not touch on would be support, the support system for all of that.

SPEAKER_04

You know, thank you for going there.

SPEAKER_03

I just it shame on me for not doing it already. I have, I am proud of the sisters in my life, proud that I am worthy of them, proud that they're so amazing, and I just adore them. And none of what I can do or have done is really possible without that sisterhood that's been there to sh extend the kind word or make a connection and an introduction, or just be a sounding board when it's going wrong, or to celebrate with when it's going right. That was just been truly one of my greatest life accomplishments is connecting, being worthy, being a good friend, and having their influence in my life. I I just would not be here without that, period.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah. Wow. Something not to take for granted. And I'm grateful for that also every day. And then I still feel like I'm not grateful enough for it. Me too.

SPEAKER_03

It's like I can always do more. I know. From the boat. I love you, but I'm out here on the boat.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, that's so beautiful.

SPEAKER_04

Oh my goodness. Christy Soper, thank you so much for joining me today on Undoing. It has been such a pleasure, as I knew it would be.

SPEAKER_03

Thank you so much for having me. I think I'm one of the early folks into your journey with this. So I'm very excited and honored to be early into it with you. And I can't wait to watch it unfold. So thank you for and the inviting me.

SPEAKER_04

Goosebumps just traveled all over my body with that. I'm so grateful to have you in this journey with me. And it's it's something that is hatching now, but has been in development for quite some time. And you've been alongside me in that, and I can't, I couldn't have a better partner along the way, my friend and my sister. So as we close, I have a question for you. Just one simple little question. What one thing could you do now today that would get you closer to living the life you most want to live?

SPEAKER_03

Okay, I need a more breath, please. Yes, indeed. I think the one thing that I have to do every single day is really just sit with myself, especially early in the day, and just have a moment to think about not only tactically what I have to get done or don't need to focus on or don't forget to task this item or that, but really just set with myself and say, what am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? And if it's positive and it's good, then being abundant and sharing that with other people and checking in and thinking about, yeah, and what's going on with this person, that person, and letting people know who I love that I'm thinking of them. And then on those days when I'm struggling, it's really about all right, what can I do to get myself out of the ditch? Am I, do I need to sit and journal for a bit? Is it something that's rolling around and I need to, you know, get it out on paper so I can progress with it? That really helps me personally. Or is it that I'm feeling the need to move and exercise and just go get on the bike or head to Pilates or something? Or do I, or am I craving time with my loved ones and just saying, look, I need a lunch, I need something just to have that time with you. And to me, that is true retirement. That is true luxury, is to be able to flex the day based on where what's in my heart, what's on my mind, and what I feel like I need to address every single day.

SPEAKER_04

Beautiful wisdom for yourself, of course. And for our listeners. Thank you. That was meaningful to me too. Christy, before we wrap, and we are wrapping, where can people find you if they wanted to stay connected to you?

SPEAKER_03

They can't. No, I'm just kidding.

SPEAKER_04

Can you send the the coordinates for your boat thing?

SPEAKER_03

My boat name is. I make it sound like all I do is vote, but that's not true. It's just a new hobby that my my husband and I are really having a lot of fun with. And it lights him up, it lights me up. It's hard not to be excited about something like that. So I think in all earnestness, they can find me probably through my personal email, which I will make sure you have.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_03

And I am happy to help people. There you go, who want to reach out. And I say that in just a little bit. I am just protective, frankly, of my time and space, but I love helping other women, and that's a calling for me. So I welcome questions and thoughts along the way.

SPEAKER_04

Thank you for that. Much appreciated. Thank you for joining me on Undoing. I hope today's episode offered you a moment of recognition, resonance, or relief. Something that reminds you that you're not alone in your journey. This is an opportunity to tune into your inner wisdom and open to what's wanting to emerge. If you're enjoying this podcast, please share it with a friend or colleague, leave a review, and follow the show. Until next time, what's the undoing that needs to happen in you?