The Bleedin’ Dad Joke Special

This week… we’ve completely lost the plot.

No “then vs now,” no deep chats — just a full-on Bleedin’ Dad Joke head-to-head.

Five jokes each.

No filter.

No mercy.

Just ten absolutely terrible jokes.

While Lew’s off living his best life on holiday, we didn’t want to leave you hanging — so we’ve pre-recorded this chaotic special where it’s Dad vs Son to see who actually delivers the better (or worse) punchlines.

From immortal cats to questionable woodworking courses… it’s exactly what you’d expect — and somehow worse.

👉 We need you to decide the winner:

Was it Lew or Steve?

Drop us a message, comment, or DM and cast your vote.

Short, painful, and definitely not award-winning… but if you made it to the end — fair play.

Follow, subscribe, leave a review, and we’ll be back next week with a proper episode.

🎧 Cockney & Son: Two Generations, One London

New episodes every week – unfiltered chat, real opinions, and a proper bit of banter between father and son.

Got a question or topic you want my dad’s take on?

Send it over on Instagram: @twodadsinlondon 

Thanks for listening — if you enjoyed it, give us a follow, leave a rating, and share it with someone who remembers when milk came in bottles.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Cockney and son. Now don't be daft. We've got proper opinions and plenty of graft. Old school chat with the podcast twist. So stick the kettle on you, don't wanna miss. Cockney and son, two generations who want London. Good blame, governor. Welcome back to Cockney and Sun Series 2 Episode 10, the podcast where we normally compare life then versus now. But today we are doing something a little bit different. Now, full transparency, we are I'm actually away when this goes out. I'm currently in Holland, probably surrounded by bikes, pancakes, and trying to keep the kids entertained. Okay. But we didn't want to leave the fans without an episode. So we've pre-recorded something special. Well. Something special. Well, we hope it is. Today is a bleeding. That's your special thing. You ain't got meningitis, have you? Not not on off, no. Today is bleeding dad joke head-to-head special. Oh no. Okay. Five jokes, no filter, no mercy, just very, very bad jokes. Yes. Okay? But you got a better following than I. You always win. Do I?

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:12

You got a better following than I if I'm only got blood. So we know who the winner is. If you have the time, yeah, please comment. Send us a DM. Send us anything. Just let us know who you think is the winner of this week's special. Yeah. Is anyone out there? It's been 84 years. Right, okay. So five jokes each, head to head, see who's gonna be the winner. Okay. Okay. You wanna go first or second? You go first. I'm gonna go first, okay? Joke number one. Yes. A man just assaulted me with milk, butter, and cheese. How dare he! I need full concentration. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:51

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:51

That's my next clipboard.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Yeah. Back in the day I wanted to be an opera singer.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:57

But it wasn't for me, me, me, me, me.

SPEAKER_01 2:02

I mean, you had the choice of so many jokes, and that's that's fine, that's a good one. Ready? Yeah. Full concentration. Don't don't read your next one. I'm not gonna read it, I'm just making sure you're making a little sad little notebook that looked like it came out of Christmas cracker. Ready?

SPEAKER_00 2:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

I was reading a I was reading a great book about an immortal cat the other day. It was impossible to put down. Do you get what that means?

SPEAKER_00 2:30

Right. I was right, yeah. I was never good at photography until one day it just clicked.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

Great. Right, so that was two jokes each, yeah. So I'm just gonna just double check in. Episode Episode. So you've put me off now of your stupid little rustling. What is that on the back?£4.50. Are you ready? Because you you you're like a child. I don't even tell the kids to wait this up. I thought opening a door for a lady was good manners, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

Where do you get these from?

SPEAKER_01 3:06

I write them.

SPEAKER_00 3:09

Right. Right on Russell Russell. Once I had an addiction to tetra, but once I got under control, everything fell into places. No.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

This is my joke number four. Yeah. I went to see my doctor. He said I needed to provide a stool sample, so I enrolled in a basic woodworking course.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

So I enrolled in a basic woodworking course. Yeah. My granddad reached 110, yes.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteer's funeral? No idea. What did he say? Not a word.

SPEAKER_00 3:54

That's a good one, isn't it? Very good. Right. Your last one. My last one. I saw my mate the other day and he's had his old body tattooed with uh eight to set of London. Yeah. Yeah. At least you know where you are with him.

SPEAKER_01 4:07

That was probably your best one you're safe to love. Oh god. Alright, okay. Well, that was ten jokes. Yes. Yeah. I would say jokes. You can write them down and use them at any time. Yeah, so I hope that made your Easter holidays somewhat more entertaining.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

It might actually make them split their their Easter egg out.

SPEAKER_01 4:24

But we need everyone to be honest now and and actually vote. Yes. If you can. Anyway, vote for your winner of the Bleeding Dad joke special episode. Yes. Me or you. What's gonna happen? What did the winner what does the winner get? What does the winner get? An Easter egg. Well, this time I won't win anymore. Okay. Well, that was short and sweet. Yes. That's your Tinder profile name. Should have been a joke on mine. Yeah, well, that's it for this week's Bleeding Dad joke special. If you made it this far, fair play. We'll be back next week with a normal episode, probably a let a bit Oh god. Well that's oh my god. I might just not edit this episode and just leave it on and so people can understand the real stress I have to go through. That's it for this week's bleeding dad joke special. If you made it this far, fair play, we'll be back next week with a normal episode, probably a bit less painful than this one. Make sure you're following us on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook, and you can watch us over on YouTube too. And if you can, leave us a review. It really helps. Yes. It does. Yeah. That's my end spill.

SPEAKER_00 5:43

A nice yeah, a nice review of the uh quality entertainment that you've just listened to.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

And we need some funding to get dad an actual notepad.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Oh god.

SPEAKER_01 5:57

An adult notepad. Not one where he goes around pretending to be a police detective from the fifties. Hang on, why don't you tell me what you see?

SPEAKER_00 6:04

No, that I had that when no, I had that book. Yeah. When I was doing my prescription so I could write down How old is it then? Well, I've only been gone two years. No, I used to write down the codes. I used to write down the codes of people I don't want to get in, so I don't remember them.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

What about that app, notes on your iPhone?

SPEAKER_00 6:26

I don't know about I didn't know what's on. I don't want to whip my phone out every time. I'd just get me I used to have this little pad on the on the s uh on the on the passenger seat. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:36

Have a quick look. Right. I bet I could get notes open on my phone quicker than you could get your notepad out of your pocket.

SPEAKER_00 6:44

Yeah? No, I used to leave it on the car seat, but then I used to work there anyway. No, but I'm just saying I'm telling you where I've got the bits of paper from.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

Anyway, we did well. Yes, we did. And we're now going to pick up the kids from school. Are we? Yeah. So they were gonna we're time hop yeah. What day is it? Is that time series? Series series 28, episode five. Listen, I don't even know. I'm in Holland enjoying life. Yes. You're at home. We're going before we get contacted by a company to start our own cracker and see how that will happen. See you later for a normal one. Yes. Episode 11. Later's. That's it for this week's Cockney and Sun. If you had a laugh, hit follow or subscribe. Whatever button's in front of you. Leave us a review if you're feeling fancy, and don't forget to share it with someone who loves a bit of a moan. We're on Instagram and TikTok at Cockney and Sun, so come say hello. Thanks again if you've made it this far, and until next time, cheers from the old man and the not so young one.