Cockney & Son
Cockney & Son: Two Generations, One London is what happens when I sit down with my straight-talking, old-school Londoner dad to try and make sense of the world we’re living in today.
From parenting and politics to prices and pronouns, nothing’s off-limits — and trust me, nothing gets sugar-coated. We see life through two very different lenses, but it’s all grounded in laughs, honest opinions, and the kind of unfiltered banter only a father and son can get away with.
Whether you remember phone boxes or need subtitles when he starts chatting, this one’s for you.
Cockney & Son
Britain’s Worst Quiz, RSVP Rage & Cutting the Apron Strings
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
This week on Cockney & Son, Lew puts Steve’s “proper British” knowledge to the test in what might genuinely be the worst quiz ever created. From pork scratchings and dunking biscuits to playgrounds that nearly killed an entire generation, it quickly descends into complete chaos.
Then it’s time for Adam & Eve It as Lew goes on a full birthday party rant about people who never RSVP properly. Why do parents wait until the last second to reply… or worse, just turn up anyway?
And in Say It Like Steve, the conversation turns surprisingly emotional as they chat about Year 6 kids wanting independence, walking to school alone, and the terrifying reality of finally cutting the apron strings as a parent.
Plus, there’s questionable stories, old school London memories, and four Bleedin’ Dad Jokes that probably should’ve stayed in the notebook.
Available now on all podcast platforms. Watch along on YouTube… or just ask Alexa.
🎧 Cockney & Son: Two Generations, One London
New episodes every week – unfiltered chat, real opinions, and a proper bit of banter between father and son.
Got a question or topic you want my dad’s take on?
Send it over on Instagram: @twodadsinlondon
Thanks for listening — if you enjoyed it, give us a follow, leave a rating, and share it with someone who remembers when milk came in bottles.
Cockney and son. Now don't be daft. We've got proper opinions and plenty of craft. Old school chat with the podcast twist. So stick the kettle on, you don't wanna miss.
SPEAKER_01Cockney and son, two generations who won London. Cool Blimey, Governor.
SPEAKER_02Hello everyone, and welcome back to Cockney and Sun Series 2, episode 15. This week on Cockney and Sun, I'm putting Dad's British knowledge to the test to see if he's still a proper old school Londoner. And we're also talking about people who don't RSVP, don't get me into it already, and the stress of kids wanting independence in year seven. And you, Dad, give your very honest advice on letting kids walk to school by themselves and the anxiety that goes around that for parents.
SPEAKER_00But can I ask for what's with the bins?
SPEAKER_02Well now, I'm gonna do finish my doing my introduction.
SPEAKER_00Sorry, sorry.
SPEAKER_02Plus two bleeding dad jokes that should probably come with a warning. Well what you now even ask about my glasses.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, what's with the bins?
SPEAKER_02Well, you know I thought they were long distance. They are well, yeah, but I do notice that things are a lot sharper.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_02And I do enjoy wearing them because a lot of people say I look like Clark Kent now. And they do make you 10% more intelligent. So I got you five pairs.
SPEAKER_00You're gonna put an eye of his on Bill.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Gore Blimey, Governor. It's now time for a bit of a nutter.
SPEAKER_02So you are completely unprepared for this. Always. You thought we were just gonna talk about the week, because that's what we've been doing. That's what we've been doing over the last few years.
SPEAKER_00Well, I've been busy as well. Been out in the battery, went like just to build up, you know. You you went out just for the podcast. Well, that's what you said. You said get out, do something exciting.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Wish I did. Well, not to give you the benefit of the doubt, but I kind of assumed that you wouldn't, so I had to put something else on it.
SPEAKER_00Well, I'd I've done I've done it.
SPEAKER_02Well, I'm gonna do this anyway because this is what I've planned. So this is a quiz that I've A quiz created and I've given it the title of How British Is Steve? Do we get a prize? Yeah. Okay. We want prizes, another a cup of tea. A cup of tea. So these are just questions. Some are general knowledge, some are just like British based. Okay, and we'll see how well you do. If you are listening, play along at home. Yes. I will reveal the answers as we go along to see if you get them correct. Okay. Question number one, nice and easy. Please name all four members of the Beatles.
SPEAKER_00The Beatles. Paul McCartney.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00John Lennon. Yeah. Ringo Starr.
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Joel Garrison.
SPEAKER_00Ding.
SPEAKER_02Correct. Thank you. Do you like the Beatles? Yes, very much so. Yeah?
SPEAKER_00Did you see them live? I actually saw them.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Coming out of the there was a a a place in Fulham called the Grandville Studios. Yeah. It's it's a massive off office block now, but I've seen him coming out of there.
SPEAKER_02Did you say Ringo, telegram, telegram for Ringo Star? Moving on before you make the podcast like seven hours long. Do you know what HP stands for? House of Parliament. Houses of Parliament. I see, I never knew that until I saw this quiz. You thought you could get it like pay weekly, HP. What's that? But obviously now, obviously I we don't really have brown sauce, but I know from obviously me remembering that it's a picture of the Houses of Parliament on it. Of course, yeah. So someone created a source called a Houses of Parliament sauce. Do you think they have that in there then? Most probably. On their caviar? Yeah, of course. During their COVID parties. A standard traditional English fryout. What what is the what's on the plate? Yeah, what is the main things to consider it and it's full English fryout?
SPEAKER_00Oh, English fryout would be egg bacon.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Egg bacon sausage. Yeah. Beans mushroom. Yeah. Fried bread.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Some people have black pudding.
SPEAKER_02That's not on here.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_02I mean some people do, but uh there's two more items. There's one is Brabant's Geek. No, that's not one is a side, it's not really on the chips. Toast. Oh toast, yeah, some yeah. Some people have the fried bread, some people have the toast, don't they? I would argue this though, because this it it's this the one you were missing was Hash Brown's. And I think that's quite a new thing. That's a new thing, I wouldn't say that's like a traditional okay. What is pub, like a British pub? Yeah. What is one of the top snacks that you can get order? That you can order. So obviously you'll get can I have a pint? A pie?
SPEAKER_00Pie? Normally because some pubs do a pie and a pint, don't they, for a certain price? Right. What 40 quid? That's a bit cheaper.
SPEAKER_02No, it's in a packet.
SPEAKER_00Oh quick, isn't it?
SPEAKER_02Oh no, pork scratching peanuts. Pork scratches. Which is gross.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but they have you ever tried them? Yeah. Do you like him? No, no, I've tried them once. Take your teeth out.
SPEAKER_02I see, I liked pork scratches. This is ages ago, ages ago. I liked port scratches, and I think then I got a pack got a pack where I pulled out one and it had like hair. But like hard, like like a brush. So I was like, no, I can't eat that now. No, no. Who was the Prime Minister when you was a teenager? See, the questions are getting harder now.
SPEAKER_00When I was a teenager? Yeah. When I was a teenager, was it it was either Errol Wilson?
SPEAKER_02Yeah. Or we're not playing Who Wants to be a Millionaire. There's no lifelines. I just need one file.
SPEAKER_00I think it's would it be Harold Wilson? Correct. Thank you.
SPEAKER_02That's well, I don't even know who that is. Use a pipe. No idea. And a and a running back. Was he the one before Winston Churchill?
SPEAKER_00After.
SPEAKER_02What is the one thing every dad keeps in a garage, just in case? A garage. I'm guessing obviously if you have a house or a garage to the side. We obviously didn't have a garage on the third floor. You had a shed. You had a garage, but you got rid of it. No. Well, but what is the one thing? This is a random one. What's the one thing you keep in a garage? Well, they won't get rid of, apparently. I was just told the answer because you won't ever get it. No. A random bit of wood that's apparently it will be it'd still be youthful. Yeah. That bit of wood wood, don't throw that away. Don't throw that wood. Have you got a bit of wood in your coal shalshack? No, not a bit of wood, no. What's the one tool you won't that you go is your go-to? Do you have tools? Yeah. Or what do you have? I remember. Oh a hammer. I remember this that weird tool. This is a childhood memory. Don't know why it sticks in my mind. A tool bag that was like sort of like an old school gym bag. Yeah. And it was full of like tools, but then they all the nails were like just in there. They weren't like I still got that. You still got that? Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. Yeah. Well, there we go. The answer should have been some grotty old tool bag. See? It lasts a long time. It's been in a lot of places. Right. What is the accept? Well, this is this is fact. Yeah. It is. Based on market research and everything like this. Yes. Yeah. What is the acceptable age to start moaning about the weather? Late 40s. Late 40s. Yeah. It's right, you're wrong. Really? It's actually 32. Well, when you get to 30, so in your 30s, you can start moaning about the weather. I don't mind about it when I'll fear. Well, during the ice age, you didn't moan about it once. Oh, it's a bit cold. When is it gonna hot up here? Oh, was that in all weathers, wasn't I? Name three things old men blame on health and safety gone mad. IVs. Right, but that's not one of these. Well, just how about I just tell you what they are and you agree with them? Yeah, yeah. Because you you basically what you're what these are saying is compared to when you were younger.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I mean, everyone's got an IVs on these days.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, but no, this is more for children. Okay. Bonfires. Bonfires, yeah, they So when you were younger, did people just light bonfires wherever they wanted to? Yeah, yeah, more or less, yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_02So nowadays you couldn't really do that.
SPEAKER_00No, you have to go to like an official bonfire. But you know, people used to be like if there was a bit of wasteland, yeah, people used to put old bits of wood up and everything they more or less anything they want to burn. Yeah. They could get rid of.
SPEAKER_02I actually forgot about this this next item, and I'm actually quite it's quite sad because I remember lots of fun times with these, and I actually don't think the kids have would know what one is or how to use it. Okay. Was conquers. Oh, yeah, yeah. Because you remember you could take them into school and you'd have the conquer matches. Oh, yeah. And obviously, if you miss, you smash the other kid on the hands. Yeah. So I understand why schools have taken that away, but that I remember that as a kid, so that's obviously stuck in my mind.
SPEAKER_00Everyone used to go where the conquer trees were, and they would be they come down in the some will come out of the coating that was in, covered in, and oh, you bait them open and get your conquers out.
SPEAKER_02And some kid at school would like, I've got the best conqueror, and they would like dip it in varnish or something like that. Concrete. Yeah. And then paint it. Ooh. Imagine that now. Kids will be like, the rope, it hurts my hands. Oh blister. And it's sad now, thinking of all those unused conquers on the floors. Yeah. Help. Help. I want to play. All those shoe string, all the bits of string. Terrible. Yeah. I might get conquers. When's the conquer season? It's normally well the autumn where they fall off the trees, don't they? Alright, fine. This autumn I'm getting. Yeah. Oh, chestnut, they're really cool. Yeah, I'm gonna. I think we might have one in the garden. I can't remember. Maybe at the back somewhere. Um guess what the kids are getting for Christmas? Playgrounds. I agree with this because I've seen I've seen some playgrounds from pictures of playgrounds, even when I was younger, to obviously when you were younger, how they would be like six foot climbing frames. Yeah, yeah. Oh. The floor was there. Might be bars overall. Yeah, yeah. And literally just there was no Which is that? Yeah, nothing like whoever built that back then is so funny that the fault of that's actually quite like all the people that you think were employed to to create these playgrounds, no one ever went. Hello. Do you not think that that's slightly Because some of those some of them slides were quite high.
SPEAKER_00When you get up there and you was waiting, yeah. You know, so all the kids are coming up there's a cure, it was like rocking life.
SPEAKER_02That's what I'm saying. It's like, yeah, no, should we go? Do you know what we should anyone thought we should test these out first? No, just fine. And Dan, and in the summer, when it you know, when you got a summer and it was hot, take your skin off.
SPEAKER_00You probably might if if we get some and there was when there's none of that uh safety mat stuff, no the foam that it was concrete.
SPEAKER_02Bits of the buildings from World War II still on the floor. I mean you could land on a bomb, right? This is our this is probably gonna cause uh con controversy. Really? It's a controversial question. Oh don't do that. I'll get trolled. What's the best British biscuit for for dunking in a tea? For dunking and a tea? Yeah. Richard is a dunker. I don't like tea, so I don't know you don't drink well different people got different. Yeah, but what what is just what I'm saying? What is your favourite go for a biscuit for a dunk would be the ginger nut. That's not it. Apparently chocolate digestive.
SPEAKER_00Well no, because a chocolate melt in the tea would have done it.
SPEAKER_02Depends how long you dunk it for and how hot the tea is.
SPEAKER_00No, no, no, that's all right.
SPEAKER_02Oh, okay. Well if you disagree, how many channels on the television did you have growing up?
SPEAKER_00Three. Boosie one, boosy two.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, three originally, then four. Yeah, then it went to four, yeah. But I heard that when you were little your your mum had a box and there was a square cut out, yeah, and every night one of you would climb into the box and perform the show. Who who told you that? That is true. Aren't he vodka time?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it was quite an experience that was. So it'd be like, what's on the TV tonight? Yeah. And it would be like we'd be doing dancing and things.
SPEAKER_02It was a dress up, yeah, it's quite cookie show. What's the most British sentence ever?
SPEAKER_00There's loads of brit sentences of different people.
SPEAKER_02Well apparently the which I don't really agree with, I don't even know what this is, is the most British sentence ever said was, ooh, turned out nice again. I don't think ooh, turns out nice. No, that I'll there's loads more of a an auban saying. I would say, yeah. I would say top ones would be, do you want a tea? Yeah. Tea or coffee, or sorry. Yeah, sorry, yeah. Sorry, sorry about that. Yeah. And last question of this random quiz that was created is it's not really an answer. It's I just want you to describe this. If I can if Britain had an official smell, like Britain was coming out with a perfume and aftershave, yeah, yeah. What what would be the scent?
SPEAKER_00That's a good question. That could be, I should imagine, like a fish and chip smell.
SPEAKER_02That's so funny. Chip shop vinegar. Yeah. But why would you want to smell like that? But I get that's what a Britain's.
SPEAKER_00Well, because yeah, it's like you know, back in the day before you had all the other sort of takeaways. That smell that used to come in the winter months that used to come out of the chip shops.
SPEAKER_02So the other ones were wet pavements. Oh what when it rained, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the rain, yeah, and grass, I would say. You know, as in you know, like a like a bacon roll, but that's not really British, is it really?
SPEAKER_00No, no. And mean mean then's alcohol breath. Yeah. It's quite a good one.
SPEAKER_02And a baby sham and a f and actually, it says in the 70s cigarette inside. Well, that's it for a bit of an atta. Yeah? Because I can't talk about I don't want to talk about your week. I don't want to talk about your week. So I went out and done all them extra things. Right, just quickly sum it up now. No, no. Sum it up. What did you actually do? You came to my house on Sunday, family party. Friday, I went to see my old mate.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but you always do that. It's not difficult. Not every Friday, that's every like two or three. Saturday, I watched the FA Cup final. Boring. Saturday night I went to the murder mystery play. Sunday, I came here. Exciting. Some I was on the Bouncy Castle, someone hit my shoes. Yeah. I had a guy on my bare feet, I don't know who that was. I want them back. Tell them.
SPEAKER_02Well, I'm glad. I want them back, tell them. I'm glad that I went with the quiz then. They're expensive, then blimp soles these days. That was probably the worst unofficial British quiz known to me. Oh, yeah, yeah. So we're gonna move on. Internet. Tinternet. Is that why you've got your bins on it? Tintinet, yeah. I created it myself. According to my calculations, let's move on to this.
SPEAKER_01I don't believe it! Would you? I can't believe it. I don't believe it.
SPEAKER_02So obviously, May is birthday. Birthday month. It is. I feel like birthdays just go on forever. Although I'm not grudging it. Yeah, Richard is very Victorian when it comes to five.
SPEAKER_00Because her birthday's not until sort of middle and end, are we? But it starts at the beginning. He does like the warm-up party.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, yeah. The family party. The kids' party. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Oh no.
SPEAKER_02The earning part. So anyway, so we're all partied out a bit, but we can't pretend that we've got to pretend carry on because the girlie's birthday hasn't actually happened. Although she's got another party on Saturday, it's still not a birthday. The whole thing has been waiting all these kids having these parties, can't open anything. Although she did find your puzzle. She did. And she ripped that open. She and the toy. So I've had to hide everything. Anyway, kids' parties, yeah. You send out invitations and you RS RSVP. A lot of them do say, and this is why I didn't bother. What do you want? Do you want the cheese or the ham or the vegan or the gluten-free and all this stuff? Yeah. I just figured, you know what? Yeah, but you've got to be careful these days. No, I just figured. There's so many, there's so many allergies. I didn't say on the invitation, it's drop off. Yeah. Yeah. So I would just assume that you parents are going to have to stay there and monitor the food options as any responsible parent would be, not drop them off and go to the local Witherspoons for a $6.99 bottle of prosecco.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, maybe, maybe. But I mean, but you know, back in the day there was not as many allergies as there was. You know, you know what it's like. You go into a restaurant now, Dad, and first thing they say is, well, definitely allergies. You've got any allergies, and you're thinking, go. You know, years ago you just got your food and open the best. Meat veg. Open the best spicy things.
SPEAKER_02And over the best. Anyway. But your tongue didn't swell up. Any parent out there who's I've organised a child's party that you need to hear about numbers. Because again, the party that I've arranged isn't really based on per child, right? So if let's say, because obviously I've done a quite a laid-back, lazy party for for the girly. So I'm I'm not doing something where I have to know how many people will come in. Okay. I'm not doing something where I'm going to ask for a food option. Yeah. And then so, but if you're waiting, so this is the point of my moan is people who get an invitation, because you have to give them out, you know, quite a few months before because everyone has a social canon and everyone has to like take their kids out all the time now. So just RSVP to say that you're gonna come. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00But the thing is also like this in this day and age, you've got so many ways of doing that now.
SPEAKER_02Yeah.
SPEAKER_00You would have to like send there used to be on them RS, whatever it is, they used to be in an attachment that you filled it and you sent it back.
SPEAKER_02But these days you've got Well no, I literally did the invitation at the bottom is my RSCP to my phone number. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm not in the school WhatsApp. Yeah, but I know you know this day you got yeah, you got WhatsApp, you got you know but my point of that is yes, like you say, is easy, it's easy to do. Yeah, okay. So what stops people from waiting until the last literally the day before to say, I'm gonna come. I'm gonna come. Or some people don't RSCP and turn up. So say like you did Well sometimes you know, people some some of the minds might like there's a little group going, Oh, have you got an invite?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah. You know, I oh I didn't get one and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_02I mean, I think the uh the whole street outside the school got invited. Well, yeah, my mates aren't invited. Like that, throwing them out. So my point is, like, uh just if you've got to because it's not cheap. No, no, no, well, oh not at all. No, so what I'm saying is if you are if you get if you gave out 30, let's just say 30 invitations and 30 kids, and then obviously party bags are expected and all that stuff, and then you've got to-type so say like you've got to buy the items to go into the part the party bags, yeah. So then say like you only make 20 and then 25 turn up. Do you know what I mean? So it's it's about it's just a bit of the fundamental lack of respect.
SPEAKER_00The ones that reply get the party bags, the ones who didn't reply and turn up, don't get nothing.
SPEAKER_02What I could do is write on the bag saying your parent never texts you. Yeah, exactly. You're not getting you'll get an empty bag. Because I think it is uh one of those things like when you first have kids and you become a parent and then you do their parties, you do go a bit like, oh, it's their party, and then you you know, and some parents go crazy, oh that I'm high, let's get this cake, 700 pounds for this cake. Like, and I just think it's sort of like anything, yeah, the not the novelty wears it off, but obviously, like she she loves a party, didn't she? She does. She does, so and it's a hard one because obviously she I don't even know how many people I've got a lot of people that have confirmed, but I don't know how many are gonna come.
SPEAKER_00So Emily Emily is officially coming.
SPEAKER_02Two. No, that's mean rich. Just still waiting for the boys RSCP. No, no, I think there's probably gonna be about 30. Well, that's quite yeah, so and it's three at fancy castles, they're just gonna go crazy. Anyway, my point of it is, yeah, is I know that there's some people that haven't re bothered to reply to me, even to say we can't go, even if their kid doesn't want to let's be open and honest. Even if some kid because the girlie thinks that everyone is her friend, even if they might they might be like their worst enemy, but like if that kid didn't want to go, or or say like I got say like I got an invitation and the kids didn't want to go to it, I would say, Oh, I'm really sorry we already have plans. Yeah, yeah, of course. At least I would say that people who just point blank don't reply. I don't understand. Anyway, so that was my moan. If you get a party invitation, RSVP straight away.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, it's only man, isn't it?
SPEAKER_02Yeah, you know, it's a lot of stress on some people.
SPEAKER_00It don't take long. I mean, if I didn't have Richard to but they see you most days at school at the school gates, didn't you? So I don't have to come over and say.
SPEAKER_02So moving on then to say it like Steve. So we're gonna ask you a question for your some advice. Okay, you got it. Don't sugarcoat it.
SPEAKER_01Sometimes in life, you just gotta say it like Steve.
SPEAKER_02This is more like just giving you your world of wisdom to to people like parents like me, who has a child in year six, gonna go into year seven, and basically the child wants to walk to school by themselves, go here, he started going to the shop with money. Yeah. Like it's a big step 'cause he's still oblivious to the dangers that lie around him. I can imagine. So what's your advice on you know letting the letting them what's it called? Letting the apron strings. Oh cut the cut the apron strings. Cut the apron strings.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, but yeah, it's it's an old one, but you know, you there there is gonna be a time where you're gonna have to do this little independence, you know?
SPEAKER_02But I think what you need to you but you need you do need to realise that cutting the apron strings in 1900 seems a lot different to 2010.
SPEAKER_00I quite agree, I quite agree. But you know, you still gotta do it, you know? Yeah. Because you can't keep you know, picking him up here and there, and you know, he's he's is there is a stage here want to do it on his own. And the more he does it, yeah, the the you he'll get used to it, you know. Yeah. I think it's a and it is it is a stressful thing. This day and age, yeah, knowing that if you you know especially when he gets a little bit older, he's gonna go be going out with his mates and that. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02You know I look at it like this, I know that there's so many different dangers that could happen, but I would say, unless I've blocked it from my mind, I don't think that I was ever, you know, the one that so the fears are being mugged. Yeah, the fears are whatever. Yeah, like I've never been mugged, touch wood. Right, right. Yeah. So what I'm saying is there is there is the chance that these things will never happen.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah.
SPEAKER_02So that's what you gotta imagine. But like anything, I do feel like nowadays, and I'm myself one of these people, depending on the situation, that like you over you over worry about it to the point that kids don't don't don't do it. It's like a fairground ride, yeah. For example, you know, you you see it. If she's over 1.2, I say go go on it. You're obviously allowed to go on it. Rich would is a bit more hesitant, isn't he? But I'm like, well, why would they make it 1.2? Where obviously that scenario, I'm a bit like, don't worry about it. Whereas when he went down to the shop the other day, I that wasn't anything that was discussed with me. He made that choice, so I was a bit like, but it was fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did say though, if he gets kidnapped, you're to blame. Because I had no part of that.
SPEAKER_00But I think it's it's it's like any any you know, walks of life, you're gonna have to do it, you know.
SPEAKER_02I think there's ways to reduce things from happening, like get your phone now.
SPEAKER_00Don't don't use anything, you just keep yeah, you just don't and the thing is though, like it's just certain areas that are more trouble than others. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02It's you know, just keep it just it was funny though, because obviously the girlie picks up on everything and she went to me, Yeah, tomorrow I'm gonna walk to school by myself. I was like, absolutely not. No, absolutely not. And then it's hard because where he wants to do this thing where he walks to school and he leaves like five minutes earlier, yeah, because she scoots, yeah, she tries to scoot up to him. Oh, right. So it makes my life a little bit harder. I said to him, if you're gonna walk to school by yourself, which is pointless. Yeah, so you're a little bit earlier. Yeah, you have to go a bit earlier, just wait at the gate if that's what you want to do. And basically, the issue that we had was on Monday, I said that he he could walk home from school by himself because Richard works from home, yeah, and obviously I go to gymnastics. Okay, that would be that would help me. I wouldn't have to drive back to the house. Yeah, let me but Richard decided to work in the office, so he knew he had to find out where it was first. I gave him the sat nav to find out where the office was and his desk so he could go into it. They said, Who are you? Yeah, are you a newbie? So I was saying to him, You you are allowed to walk home by yourself, but you're not allowed to be in the house by yourself. No, you've got to be a certain age, wrong. Yeah. I told him it was like 14 or something. It is about 14. I think it is 14, yeah. Something like that. So if you do want to, and then he goes, I'm gonna walk home by myself today. I said, But if you're in front of me and the girly, you're just gonna have to stand at the door. Yeah. Like, I don't get it. Like that, but that's to him, it's like I'm walking I'm walking home from school. Yeah, yeah. Hi, everyone.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, no, but it's a bit of in a bit of independence. Give me your money, kid. Yeah. Independence for a minute, you know, you can see what he wants to do. Yeah. But yeah, but I mean, if he did walk home on his own, he wouldn't it'll only be standing at the door for a little while, will he? Yeah.
SPEAKER_02I say you can walk home from school today because grandad's driving us home. Yeah. He'll soon get in that car. Of course you will.
SPEAKER_00So yeah, your final bit of advice is scary, but yeah, it's scary, but you've got to let him, you've got to let him do it. I mean, when he goes to secondary school, he'd be going on his own, wouldn't he?
SPEAKER_02I would say piece of advice that was given to me by the boys secondary school. Although I would already know how to do this, it was to do dry runs, like practice runs of going to school.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02Because obviously the example they gave was a lot of kids get on a bus, but they'll go on the wrong side. So they've obviously gone the other way. I'm on the 4-6-2 or whatever, but then they're going the other way.
SPEAKER_00Oh, not the right bus stop.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, so it's about practicing those journeys, but also doing it in the peak time, so they're gonna be trying driving. And you've got plenty you've got plenty of time, aren't you, to do it? Plus, and also you've got how many trackers you got on him? 12 and a personal bodyguard, which he doesn't know about. Is he XAS? Yeah. We'll go distract him for this. It's quite costing me quite a lot of money, doesn't it? Let's be safe than something.
SPEAKER_00Of course.
SPEAKER_02Right. I I don't did I have a drive run? I don't think I had a driver from a secondary school. No, no, on the tube, on the under on the overground. Waterloo station.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, cool, small.
SPEAKER_02Going through Cardboard City, which is now the IMAX Theatre. Oh, is it? Is that what it was? It used to be called Carbold City. Yeah, that's right, yeah. Yeah. Anyway, it's time for everyone's favourite part of the podcast. What the end? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Get ready to laugh. It's now time for the bleeding dad joke.
SPEAKER_02I'm gonna make you laugh this week. I've put a lot of thought process into these jokes. They're not sick ones, are they? I've never heard them before. So I'm hoping. I don't know. We'll see. Depends on your humour. Four jokes. Two each. Okay. Head to head. You've not got any notebook in front of you. I forgot to bring it. Do you know your jokes? Well not well, not the ones that I've written down, but I've I have got some jokes that I can tell. So you're just you're pulling these out of your head. Yeah, yeah. So we might have heard these before. No, no, no, you haven't heard them from. I don't think you I don't even know that you could be 100% guaranteed that you ain't said these jokes. No, I've no, I haven't said these jokes. So you better go first then before you forget.
SPEAKER_00Okay, right. So the other so the other day, right, I was out about doing me weekly entertainment because you said I went in this shoe shop. And I thought, I like them shoes. So I said, Can I try them, please? Size nine. So you brought the shoes over. I put them on, I said, I said they're a bit tight. She said, try them with a tongue out. I said, and film it and done it.
SPEAKER_02That's really good. And I'm glad that you wasn't ashamed to put on your natural voice. I'll start off with the lighter. Good one. Okay. Okay. My boss said to me, You are the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year? I said, I'm not sure. It's hard to keep track.
SPEAKER_00It's a joke for Alex. Right, you want me now? Yeah, so I was still in this shoe shop. Oh, yeah. And I bought a pair of shoes. Yeah, they very nice, they were. Talk to shell. Yeah. Lovely. Took me three hours to get out of the shop.
SPEAKER_02That was so predictable. Actually, they're going quite well this week. Yes. But end it on a banger. My grandfather complained that my generation relies too much on technology. So I unplugged his life support. It's true. Technology, right? It is, yeah. Well, thanks for listening to Cockney and Sun episode 15. If you've enjoyed the episode, give us a follow. Leave a review because no one did. Really? No one has. Oh. And tell your friends, especially the ones. Yeah, tell your friends, especially the ones who RSVP then disappear. We're available on all podcast platforms. You can watch along on YouTube. And apparently now, even Alexa's got involved. Really? Yeah. What you just say, Alexa. Alexa, play Cockney and Son. And they go, oh yes. And they do it. That's superb. And we'll see you next week. So there's no excuse. No. There is not. That's it for this week's Cockney and Sun. If you had a laugh, hit follow or subscribe, whatever button's in front of you. Leave us a review if you're feeling fancy, and don't forget to share it with someone who loves a bit of a moan. We're on Instagram and TikTok at Cockney and Sun, so come say hello. Thanks again if you've made it this far. And until next time, cheers from the old man and the not so young one.