PGL Peace, Slamming Doors & Is Time Speeding Up?

The boy has been away on his Year 6 residential trip, and Lew and Steve are discovering the strange reality of a quieter house. Is it possible to enjoy the peace and still miss the chaos at the same time? Plus, with secondary school just around the corner, Lew reflects on how quickly the primary school years have disappeared.  

In Adam & Eve It, Steve takes aim at one of his biggest everyday annoyances: people who slam car doors like they’re trying to launch them into orbit. Is it bad manners, a generational thing, or is Steve just turning into a grumpy old man?  

Then in Say It Like Steve, the pair tackle a surprisingly deep question: why does time seem to move faster the older you get? Is it simply part of growing up, or could there be something more mysterious going on? Expect discussions about childhood summers, the Mandela Effect, giant scientific machines, and a theory that may or may not have any basis in reality whatsoever.  

Plus, there’s the return of The Bleedin’ Dad Joke, a plug for a duck-themed Instagram account, and the usual mix of family life, nostalgia, moaning, and complete nonsense.

Two generations. One London. Plenty to talk about.  

🎧 Cockney & Son: Two Generations, One London

New episodes every week – unfiltered chat, real opinions, and a proper bit of banter between father and son.

Got a question or topic you want my dad’s take on?

Send it over on Instagram: @twodadsinlondon 

Thanks for listening — if you enjoyed it, give us a follow, leave a rating, and share it with someone who remembers when milk came in bottles.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Cockney and son. Now don't be daft. We've got proper opinions and plenty of graft. Old school chat with the podcast twist.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

So stick the kettle on, you don't wanna miss. Cockney and son, two generations in one London. Go blame it, Governor.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Hello everyone, and welcome back to Cockney and Son episode 15. This week things have felt a little different in the Edwards Middleton household because the boy he's been away on his school trip, but he's back today, so very excited about that. I'll be chatting to Dad about what's changed at home, why parents somehow spend years looking forward to a bit of peace and then immediately miss their kids when they've gone, and why the final half term of the school year always seems to be the busiest one of all. So grab a cupper, settle in, and let's get started with a little bit of this. So for us, we've been away on half term. Yes. And then the boy gets back today. Oh, he's been away. But obviously, today, I don't mean Friday, I mean Wednesday when we pre-record this. He's been away on his PGL, no contact whatsoever. That's good. Just getting a lot of photos from the school.

SPEAKER_02 1:16

Yeah, but then we get like years ago when kids went away, there was no contact, was there? Because there's no phones. There's no phones, that's right, yeah. Just Morse code.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

No, it's good though, it's good with him. It's good for him. No, I feel like he's gonna be annoyed that he's actually had to come back. Because some PGLs in sec in primary schools are a week. Yeah. So what have I realised is different without him being here? Yeah. I can hear the voices in my head. I haven't heard the word fortnight. No. Or phone or screen. I've not had to say the word no so many times. But yeah, it's chaos. So I have to say it's a weird one because it is chaos. I have noticed, and this is nothing bad, it's gonna sound bad, but it's not bad. It's a lot, it's a lot calmer, believe it or not.

SPEAKER_00 2:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

So now I know where the chaos comes from.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

So, but I will bite my tongue and won't be like when you was away. Yeah. It was so peace and quiet. But I missed it in a weird way. Of course you did. But DMs I get from the parents that say, When you've got no washing to do, or when you've got no toys to pick up, you're gonna miss it. Really? Well, you don't, because I never had toys unless you stole them from the royal.

SPEAKER_02 2:29

I never missed that when you moved when you lot went. But the thing is, like today the the the kids don't get to pick the toys up, do they? Because the parents say, Oh no, I pick them up for you.

SPEAKER_01 2:38

This is weird. Yeah. Because obviously he's going to be leaving set primary. Yeah, yeah. I was just going through my brother, bathroom. Oh, toilet broke. I'm not even going to get into that. Going through my bathroom cupboard trying to find something, found a photo of Richard and the boy on his first day of school. Why is that in that cupboard?

SPEAKER_02 2:56

I know. Oh yeah, it's weird. But yeah, seven weeks, but and then he becomes uh annoying, even more annoying.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

A big boy, yeah. Oh yeah, of course, of course I do. I noticed that you have been a bit more adventurous on Instagram.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Well, you know. I wonder how many people tuned in there to see the video.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

Yeah. Well, so you took us back in time to your old sorting office.

SPEAKER_02 3:23

Yes. I went down there, yeah. I thought I'll have a look down there. It's I mean I pass it most days anyway. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

And it's it's a shame that it's Do you still I feel a couple of I've had a couple of times the police have had to take you away because you're knocking on the door going, I'm late for work.

SPEAKER_02 3:35

But it's it's a no- there's no one in there. It's just a waste of a building. It's like, you know, it's it's been lying empty since 2007.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

I'm more impressed of you've moved from the car park out of the car and you're starting to Well, I've done one in the car today. Yeah. But what I'm saying is you need to I want to see more of that. More of that. Yes. Everything. What about the you don't have to do videos, you can take photos. What about the other one? So yeah, you were you did feature in a Jamie Lang gummy sweet thing. Yeah?

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 4:06

Chocolate was the Easter bunny, which is you. Yes. Long story short, you're the Easter bunny. You were annoyed because everyone was having gummies. Was every like having his sweets? They don't have any candy kittens or whatever they got. How much did you get paid for that job? No, it was all for charity, wasn't it? Quickly, this is now officially. We are we are officially in the last seven weeks. We are because it's a seven-week time.

SPEAKER_02 4:31

Yeah, I know it's the longest this one and the one leading up to Christmas is the longest term, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01 4:35

It's the last one, and then the boy is at the end of it, Eros, yeah, and then it always is, and then you'll have to go, you have to get the old school uniform. This is what I imagine happens. The school goes, right, let's arrange the last half of them. How many days can we get the parents in so we don't have to do anything? Right, so we've got the workshop day, right, sports day. Yeah. Now, family colour run day. What's that? We've got to run around in a circle while people throw coloured powder at us for charity. Family inflatable day. What you've got to pump your foot? And don't get me started on the year six. Don't get me wrong, I want to do these things. Year six disco, year six show, year six assembly. I mean, I think the equivalent, I might actually So they're not gonna learn anything in the next seven weeks. I'm worried I might get a phone call to say I haven't registered because I'm back in primary school. Well, it's all fun, isn't it? Yeah, so you know. I just think we're gonna have six weeks off. Stop involving us. So really weeks a free week.

SPEAKER_02 5:42

And then he's got six weeks off fun time summer holidays. A three-week European tour as well. Oh sorry.

SPEAKER_01 5:48

Yeah. So podcast now, back on schedule for the rest of the week. There's no more half terms, there's no more breaks, no, so there's no excuses. No, yeah. Seven weeks to go, done counting. I'm excited now, because normally I do plan everything, but I actually have no clue. I'm the one without any idea of what you're going to talk about in this next section. Okay. So I think we want to get straight into it. No, let's go. Let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Adam and Eve with you. I can't believe it. Adam and Eve.

SPEAKER_02 6:20

It's about people. People. They get out of your car and slam the doors.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:27

What is that all about? You do it. You get out of my car and you slam the door. Sharon does it.

SPEAKER_01 6:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:35

Slam. You sound like it was your bone. Sharon!

SPEAKER_01 6:39

Why?

SPEAKER_02 6:40

Well, just get out and just you don't slam it.

SPEAKER_01 6:43

I'm just gonna try and think of a way to articulate this without coming across as a bit posh. Do you not think it's why are your car doors so easy to slam? Why are they not soft closing?

SPEAKER_02 6:59

No, no. Modern door modern like cars now, years ago, yeah. Maybe give it a bump bang because it used to be battled, but basically you might have people in your car. No, not yeah, when they get out.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

Why? Is this just gonna be a dig Sharon? And you. In my defence, the only reason we drive your car is because you don't get out to go into the playground. No, because the media's come, don't they? No, okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:28

We'll we'll go with that. But sometimes I don't see other people uh, you know, when you're out and about, you see people get out of their cars and they just go.

SPEAKER_01 7:35

But I think it's like a generational thing then, isn't it? Well they've done it other the girly done it the other week, she goes out. Yeah, but I don't think people are slamming your car doors for the intention of slamming them. I think your car door is probably on its last hinges.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

It's not on its last hinges. My mate Tony used to do it. Well, his front door. Why why'd you have to slam that door? Well, I see people do it and they go, shh, with their front door, you think it's it's like I feel like this is not my fault.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

It's the same.

SPEAKER_02 8:07

Oh, you got this to come when the when the kids get, you know, when they get the out when they run upstairs, it goes a bit.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

But our doors don't fit. We still ain't done it upstairs. No, I find like this is the in the same area and it's not my fault. If I go to someone's house and I shut their, I get a cut glass out of the cupboard and I shut their kitchen cupboards and they don't automatically stop and then soft clothes.

SPEAKER_02 8:29

Well, no, everyone's got them, mm hmm.

SPEAKER_01 8:30

Yeah, but but that's not my fault, so I go slam because I'm just used to doing it.

SPEAKER_02 8:33

So I think it's out the door, take the camera and just why'd you have to go because it's soft because you're used to doing yours, learning it ain't gonna slam.

SPEAKER_01 8:43

Gets a little bit of frustration out every time. Yeah. God damn, ice cream van still here.

SPEAKER_02 8:48

And it's like also I mean, it's like the Yeah, I mentioned people, I've got a you know, my my garbage gets picked up kind of regular.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

And now I'm taking anybody's rubbish home. Yeah. Well, that's not you can't have that on the Zamane. I don't well, you don't know what it's like to have to wait two weeks to have your business.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

I understand that.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

But why not? What's why why? Why does that matter that you You're gonna go in home anyway? All you need to do is put some rubbish.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

Technically it's your rubbish, because yeah, but also like sometimes they're not on every corner. And I sometimes I have to park maybe two, three streets away, then I've got to carry them all all the way back. Oh, hang on. I'm gonna write input violin cells. I was around Sharon's house, what's your foot one night? Everyone's gonna be like, who is Sharon? And she not only took my she took me car keys, yeah. Right, which I didn't know. I'm gonna go home. There's about six bags from my back seat. I just feel like this is more of a personal moan. And I'm thinking, how does people get so much rubbish?

SPEAKER_01 9:49

Well, okay, so from now on I will make a conscious effort not to slam the doors. I can't say that the girly won't and Sharon, you know I'm only putting it out there, so you know, that's I've had a little money, that's all. And I ain't really got anything to go in your bag in your like for you to take to the dump. So your moan was relatable to anyone who has a car that is very obvious that you're not.

SPEAKER_02 10:11

Anyone that slams doors, I don't I don't understand what that's But you've got to do it for effect sometimes. You have to slam doors, like like house house doors, car doors. Yeah. It's for dramatic effect, isn't it? Kitchen drawers. Why?

SPEAKER_01 10:23

I do you know what it is? I uh and you can't argue with this. If you try and shut a car door slow, you're a good chance that you get it on that catch and it doesn't actually shut.

SPEAKER_02 10:35

You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I understand, but you could you could just close the thing and but don't say well maybe maybe people are getting it on the little catch too. Or the worst one my mate telling us to do it, you should shut his front door right there, and then go to see if it's gonna open. And you think you've just shut it and you've locked it and you're still trying to see if it opens. Some people have to double check though. Double check.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Oh no hiding. Double check. Sorry, we're surprised we're interviewing the Bee Gees today. Right, so are you done with your moans? Yeah. Alright, well, that was riveting. Yes. There's so many other things you could have moaned about that's going on in the UK now, but we won't talk about it.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

Yes, there's lots of things I could talk about, but you know, we can't.

SPEAKER_01 11:25

I watched that video and without talking about it. Oh, yeah. I watched a video, yeah, the camera footage, let's just say, make it obvious. And I actually, this has not been dramatic. I actually didn't need to do a showering because I went to the toilet and I Richard said I've gone white and sweaty, and I actually was gonna faint. Yeah, because it is, it's it's awful to watch. Awful. Yeah. Anyway, let's keep it nice and different. But if we did say that, if we did talk about it, I feel like I wanted to say something without saying it because I just think it's awful and terrible. So moving on now to a little bit of don't sugarcoat it.

SPEAKER_00 11:59

Sometimes in life, you just gotta say it like Steve.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

So time. Time when you're a kid, obviously, I imagine that time moves slower because you are not as aware of timings and things like that. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Sometimes the kids go to me, what day is it? Especially when they're off school because of routine. So but I actually don't know if the world might be spinning a bit faster than normal.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Really? Why is that what makes you?

SPEAKER_01 12:32

I just think it goes so fast. What? Like I don't I I know that it's like, oh, time goes so fast, but oh it goes so quick. But I actually don't think that's true. How can it be June? Because No, but I actually don't believe that it's June. I don't believe it is June. Well, what do you believe it is June? I don't know. I think it's like the Truman show now. You know how people say that we live in a matrix. Yeah. Oh, that's a funny one that quick. Well, it's not all you do is hang around old Royal Mail buildings.

SPEAKER_02 13:02

Well, but I mean it oh we didn't just So there we go.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

Though your point is it's depending on your how much you've got going on, that the the concept of time moves so fast, yeah? Yeah. So is it a thing that you experience more as a parent of parent of young kids? Good question. Yeah, most probably soul.

SPEAKER_02 13:23

Yeah, but most probably because you're like you've got them ten months and so all of a sudden he's now 11. So you're thinking blind, that went quick.

unknown 13:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:32

But when you look back and look at all the stuff that you've done in those 11 years.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

So do you know, have you heard of the Mandela effect? No. You don't know what the Mandela effect is. What's that? Oh my god. I could do a whole episode on this to test you on these things, and I don't have them, so I've got a feeling I might not say anything else. Okay. And we're just gonna do that next week. Okay. The Mandela effect. Don't look it up. Alright. I'm gonna sh it's a known thing, okay? Okay. Okay, anyway, but I can talk about there was this giant machine, yeah? Yeah. A real, it's like a a machine, it's massive. I don't actually know what it the what it's called or what it does. Yeah. Anyway, but I think it splits atoms or something. I think they switched this machine on a few good few years ago, and people say that since then stuff is not the same. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 14:28

In what way? What what stuff?

SPEAKER_01 14:29

You know, like deja vu, right? Have you had deja vu? Sometimes. How what do you watch every Wednesday? This week on. So what do you so my point is that it's kind of like the same thing. How do you explain deja vu? And I didn't mean that for that to write. No idea, no, no idea. Because you've been in a scenario where you think you've experienced before. So that's my point. So people are saying, well, why is that?

SPEAKER_02 14:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

You get that weird feeling, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

You know, you're gonna use 10% of your five percent of your brain.

SPEAKER_02 15:01

You do you get so I mean you could you go you you know, you go to like a different area and you're thinking, Yeah, I've done that. What have I done?

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Because this machine, it's about atom, it's about physics. Okay, it's about obviously physics explains how things work and all that sort of love. And I don't know if this machine, I don't know if the con the point of this machine was to split an atom or something like that, or and it messed with the world. Okay, yeah. So obviously we don't know 100%. So I think since then a lot of things have gone wrong in the world. Because I don't know if it's just because obviously I was an 80s child, yeah. But when I say when we've had conversations about being a parent when I when you was young, when when I was younger and you was a parent, compared to like if you take the if you take my one naught or at birth to 10 years old, yeah, yeah. Of parent life, parenting life, and I'm talking about not me being a kid, I'm talking about everything that went on in the world, yeah. Yeah, and you take from when the boy to now, that's a lot. I bet I bet if you actually got the list of world events or world issues or world things, so much stuff. But why is that?

SPEAKER_02 16:16

Yeah, but you can look back any any age group, couldn't you?

SPEAKER_01 16:19

No, but I think you guys had it easy. And in what easy? I just think life was easier back then. Obviously, there was terrible things. Oh, yeah. But what I'm saying is, I just think general family life, kids just running amok, you your wages were like £100 a week, you're gonna get a mortgage and send your kids to college for like £6.50. Do you know what I mean? The pressure and but to be fair, in your defence, you everyone a little old. Everyone, when you see a 30-year-old and they look about 80, yeah, then that's karma for having an easy life. I mean, it don't make sense. You have an easy life, but you look like you're ancient.

SPEAKER_02 16:57

No, that's the way it was, then it was good.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

Nowadays, I obviously could pass I got ID'd for it for aerosol.

SPEAKER_02 17:03

Britain Britain back then, it was it was it was some places was like really grim looking, weren't they? You know. You know, you had you just don't you had the wall and all that, yeah, and some some buildings and then places got took ages to to get redeveloped.

SPEAKER_01 17:16

All I'm saying is that I feel that time is moving fast, but I don't think it's just because it feels that I'm a there's so much going on. I actually think it's it's sped up.

SPEAKER_02 17:31

Oh really?

SPEAKER_01 17:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

You don't think that no, not at all. Well, good luck for you because you're you'll be 70 quicker than you would normally be. I'll get all the facts about this thing and then I'll go, and then next week we'll be talking about the Mandela effect. Okay. And it's not and it's actually based the reasoning why do you think it's called that? No idea. Nelson Mandela. Oh Nelson. It's nothing to do with him, right? Oh yeah. Sum up this week, say it like Steve, time is just going too fast. Obviously, where I don't I know obviously what the way I'm saying it, it's obviously probably not the truth. The years, I don't feel like the years. It used to feel like years like a whole year. No, but it it but is it? What do you mean is it? But it's what I'm saying is a year, yeah. You know like how the six weeks holiday used to feel for like forever? Yeah. When you used to felt a Christmas day, I feel like I'm gonna start putting up my Halloween decoration soon. Yeah, but yeah, the reason And you said it on it's not gonna be done start getting darker again. No, but it's I feel like we only just did that podcast episode where it was getting lighter.

SPEAKER_02 18:36

Yeah, no, but I think the reason that like the Christmas thing is is because people start doing Christmas in around September, October. They make it so it does seem it's gone quick because you're putting Christmas stuff up in you in months that you shouldn't be putting them up.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

Maybe that does make sense because subconsciously, if you do see like you know, autumn things out, you're like, oh that's it, I mean Christmas mode. Almost gone quick. So let's break it down and end it before we go to the jokes. You're saying that time feels like it's speeding up because consumers and you know, businesses are advertising. Yep. And I'm saying that a giant machine in Europe has sped up time.

SPEAKER_02 19:18

Well, you could go watch that. Sometimes you could be on on Instagram and it came a thing will come up so many Fridays of Christmas. Yeah. So people are going, oh. Yeah. Let's come in, let's come around quick. Slide down, take it easy.

SPEAKER_01 19:31

Probably gonna get slated for that.

unknown 19:33

What?

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Saying that the machine sped the world up. That's kind of what where my mental health is at the moment. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:40

It's now time for get ready to law. It's now time for the bleeding dad joke.

SPEAKER_01 19:46

So, for those of us who have recently found the podcast, because I know somebody recently found the podcast, I won't waste the time talking about it. So it's still being discovered. Yeah? What podcast? The one we're recording. Oh yeah. Someone's discovered it. Well my gosh, what do you mean? I know that people are still still discovering it, and they have the luxury of having so many episodes to sit through where people pressed out at last. I've bet they've binge watching it. So if you've just joined us and you skip forward to this episode, bleeding dad joke, just to recapture it, is we go head to head with two jokes to try and make each other laugh. Hopefully, you guys laugh along with us, or this is the point where you turn it off. Okay. Yeah? So you can go first. Okay. Two jokes. Right. So what have you got there first? No, no, I've just got something a little bit of paper.

SPEAKER_02 20:39

No. On your phone. Got me Trump. So I was in this restaurant the other night. Yeah. Just walked in. Oh, fauna is. No. I haven't been there for a while. Yeah. So the the uh manager came over, he said, uh, do you mind waiting for a bit? I went, No, it's alright. He said, take these drinks to the table tonight.

SPEAKER_01 20:56

So I'm glad you've done that because this is like the level of my drinks this week. Okay. Okay. Okay. Why did the guy get fired from the calendar factory? I don't know why he got fired from the calendar factory. You took a day off. But that is like your humour. You should love secretly you're dying inside.

SPEAKER_02 21:14

Yeah. So anyway. And that same restaurant a few weeks ago had a robbery. I took all these small spoons, and that was just for starts.

SPEAKER_01 21:27

That's quite funny. In theme with my brother's Instagram about ducks. Yeah. Because I did promote that. You did. If you are listening this far, here we go. Promote your son's Instagram account.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

Yeah, if you want a little bit of fun with uh plastic ducks. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 21:48

Go on the uh Instagram. It's a mental health about cre about creating a community. Yes. And if you hide in ducks in coffee shops. Exactly. It's called Coffee Shop Ducks. Follow it on Instagram.

SPEAKER_02 21:59

Follow it and you may find a when you're going in to buy one of your expensive coffees. Yeah. You might find a plastic duck.

SPEAKER_01 22:08

Tag like and share it. Yes. Right. My turn. Yeah, go on. Okay. I poured some water over a duck's back yesterday. I don't think he cared. Did you get that? Yeah. Water for a duck's back. See how I see what the thing. When I do silly ones, you just you think it's silly, but when I do proper like silly ones. And dark humour and terrible ones. I get done. I get moaned out. Anyway. That's it for this week's Cockney and Sun. If you had a laugh, hit follow or subscribe, whatever buttons in front of you. Leave us a review if you're feeling fancy, and don't forget to share with someone who loves a bit of a moan. We're on Instagram and TikTok at Cockney and Sun, so come say hello. Thanks again if you've made it this far. And until next time, cheers from the old man and the not so young one.