Successful AF Pod
Successful AF is the podcast for high-achieving women who've checked all the boxes but still feel empty inside, exploring how to redefine success without sacrificing your sanity. Join host Jess West as she interviews women who've cracked the code on setting boundaries, ditching perfectionism, and building a life that's truly successful AF.
Successful AF Pod
Finding Calm in Chaos - from Rock Bottom to Radical Self-Responsibility - Katrina Burke is Successful AF
Content Warning: This episode contains discussions of suicidal ideation, chronic illness, and sexual assault. Please take care of yourself while listening.
What happens when you've climbed all the ladders, ticked all the boxes, and still feel like success is miles away? This week, we dive deep with coach and hypnotherapist Katrina Burke, whose non-linear journey from heartbreak to healing offers profound insights into what success really means.
After leaving a long-term relationship at 24, expecting her "happily ever after," Katrina found herself in what we now call a situationship for nearly a decade, developing chronic health conditions that left doctors baffled, and eventually hitting rock bottom with suicidal ideation. But rather than staying stuck, she turned her pain into purpose.
In This Episode, We Explore:
- The myth of the "forever point" - why waiting for everything to be perfect is keeping you from happiness now
- Finding stability in chaos - Katrina's approach to creating calm without eliminating life's inevitable storms
- The pendulum swing between masculine survival mode and feminine flow, and how to find center
- Why "heal yourself first" advice might not be as helpful as we think
- Radical personal responsibility - the uncomfortable but transformative practice of examining your role in every situation
- Redefining wealth as well-being rather than just financial accumulation
- The power of specificity in defining what success actually means to you
Katrina's story is a masterclass in resilience, showing us how to transform chaos into wisdom while still having fun along the way. Her refreshingly honest take on healing, business building, and the current state of dating offers hope for anyone feeling stuck between where they are and where they want to be.
Connect with Katrina:
- Instagram: @katrinaburke__
- Facebook: Katrina Burke
If this episode resonated with you, we'd love to hear about it! Email us at successfulAFpod@gmail.com and don't forget to subscribe and leave a review.
Love this episode? Hit subscribe and leave us a review! And if you know someone who's redefining success on their own terms, nominate them at successfulafpod@gmail.com - we're always looking for incredible people to feature.
Connect with Jess:
Instagram: @compasscoaching.co
Website: www.compasscoachingandyoga.com
Welcome to this week's episode of Successful af, the podcast for people who've climbed all the ladders, ticked all the boxes, and still feel like success is a million miles away. Before I dive in, I want to give you a heads up that today's conversation touches on some heavy topics, including suicidal ideation and sexual assault. If these topics might be triggering for you, please take care of yourself and feel free to skip this episode today. I'm joined by Katrina Burke Katrina's story is one of those that makes you realize how many lives we can live in just a few decades. From leaving a long-term relationship at 24, expecting her happily ever after, to spending almost a decade in what we now call a situationship to developing chronic health conditions that no one had the answers for, to hitting rock bottom. Katrina's journey has been anything but linear. But here's what I love about Katrina. She's turned all of that pain into purpose. She's a coach, a mentor, trained in hypnotherapy. But more than that, she's someone who's learned to find calm in the chaos and stability in the storm. Her approach to success isn't about reaching some mythical endpoint where everything is perfect forever. It's about finding your version of Utopia in the madness. Katrina is refreshingly honest about the realities of healing, the challenges of building a business and the current state of the dating world. She's someone who's done the work and has come out the other side with genuine wisdom about what it means to take radical personal responsibility while still having fun along the way. We dive deep into everything from the pendulum swing between masculine survival mode and feminine calm to why. The advice to heal yourself first might not be as helpful as we think. Let's get into today's episode.
Speaker:Welcome Kat. Thanks so much for being here. Thank you. It's a pleasure. I've got a real, I'm just really excited about this. I feel like we're gonna have a really juicy conversation, so let's dive straight in. Tell us your story.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. Okay. I am a coach, a mentor. I'm trained in things like hypnotherapy and counseling and business strategy. And I have a lot of intuitive work that I do with clients. But my story. Had nothing to do with this or so I thought. Of course we all have lived multiple lives by the time we're in our thirties. It feels like. So I usually start my story with when I left a long-term relationship with when I was 24. It was one of those relationships where we just grew apart. Uh, it wasn't going where, like I always wanted to be a mother and have babies. And even though I never really said that out loud, it was just what you assumed was going to happen back then. Back then.'cause I'm 37 a while ago and it didn't unfortunately, and it wasn't going that way. So I left. And instead of being plunged into the happily ever after, here's your person, it's all gonna work out now. It was, I like to call it a spiritual assignment. Mm. I love that. It, like I was woken up to what I was really here for in this life and. I fell straight away into what ended up being a situationship. We now call them. We didn't call them that back then, so I had no idea what I was in. For almost a decade I gave to that and was pushed and pulled by that. In the midst of all that, I developed a bunch of chronic health issues and illnesses and just things that no one had answers to back then. Again, like in the last five, six years, we've, we've gotten a lot more speak and labels for things and explanations for things and solutions as well, which is awesome. But back then, nada, so just flying blind through all these problems. Um, so by my late twenties. I was still not married with babies. I was sick, I was broke, I was miserable. Like I had friends, but they weren't ever really the kind of friends who'd be there for you. And I hit rock bottom. Uh, I started becoming suicidal, which scared the crap out of me. Yeah. Like anyone who's had, and, and many, many people, we obviously know that many men have suicidal ideations, but so many women do as well. But the male and female brains work differently. I knew I couldn't do it because of course, the female brain starts thinking of how it's gonna affect everyone and what does everyone else need and all of that. So I knew I was never going to go there and go all the way, but God, I wanted to. I did not recognize this world and the way that people behaved and the way that we treated each other. It was heartbreaking. And. That rock bottom of course, was a real turning point. And it was after that moment that I stepped back from a lot of things and they all fell away, which is depressing. But I started like a YouTube channel. I started a yoga business'cause I was trained in yoga at this point. all of the sickness led me to all of the holistic health that I got into and yoga and the mind. And I moved to Indonesia as a strategy for this business. I'd just started and I started collaborating with some health products, like natural health products that had changed my life. So I feel like once I was able to give myself a physical breath of fresh air, I could start going, okay, what's underneath this and what's underneath that? Whilst also building an audience and building a business. It was. I feel like I've been sent here to show that you can have chaos constantly all the time and learn how to soften and be stable and create your version of success anyway. Turning pain into purpose, I call it. But after living Indonesia for a year and a half or so fate stepped in again. And that situationship resurfaced and threw a spanner into my life that I, again, we can go into later. But that had me end up being in Australia, not Indonesia, just for a moment in time when COVID hit. So I got stuck in Australia for three years.
Speaker 3:Wow. Okay.
Speaker 2:I was in an Airbnb when it was all going down and I'm like trained in natural health and had just had this huge health glow up of my own naturally. And I'm like, surely this won't last. Of course, the Airbnb owner had to lease me the Airbnb eventually. Wow.
Speaker 4:Because,
Speaker 2:yeah, and I had to, I didn't get support from the government there either, so I had to get a cleaning job to support the business. It was wild. So all of that was happening and at the same time, yeah, the guy that had come back in disappeared just as fast, leaving me with a whole bunch of new layered trauma. So I decided just to throw everything at healing and for the next three years while I was stuck in Australia, I couldn't get to my family. I just was like, how much healing can I do? In my mind at the time I was like, I can just, if I do all of it in every way, I'll heal it forever and then we'll be good and then I'll get to get married and have babies. That was the contract I made. It's not exactly how it works, but it was beautiful because I learned so much and I, I also learned so much of what really isn't helpful. I went down every rabbit hole of self-development, spirituality, healing you can possibly imagine, and found the most valuable pieces I find. It seemed to work simply and also for everyone. And I noticed this because I noticed from all the people I was learning from and all the other people I would listen to, it's like it all started to make sense. They were all talking about the same things that they'd done. And then finally a few years out of COVID, I started having success in business about seven or eight years in.
Speaker:Brilliant.
Speaker 2:And like I'd never started out in business to. Have financial success. I had no idea you could make 10 k months. That was not even a thing. It was, I wanted to help people and I wanted to help them get out of pain'cause that's what I was learning how to do over and over again. It's never that overnight success. That's just a moment that really it starts to click and you're all set up because you've done all these years of trial and error and preparation, even if you have no idea where it's heading. And it was really beautiful. It was funny'cause at the same time as the business started blowing up, I was it coming out of a five month relationship? I'm, I don't even know if I can call it that'cause he apparently wasn't calling it that. Even though we'd made agreements together, it was one of the most mind-bending experiences I've ever had.'cause it turned out he was lying to my face every time we talked about us. And he had a whole other relationship going on. Said he was at work, wasn't at work, was dating someone else like wild. And I found out all of this. Months later after I'd left him.'cause he said he wanted to start seeing someone else as well. Uh, it was weird found this all out while the business was booming and it kind of started booming because I did like relationship glow up videos and that obviously is super relatable. So it was wild. It's like everything's, I think there's this, there's always been a COVID contract of mine that along the whole story at some stage it's gonna be a moment where things are gonna click and everything's gonna be good forever. That's it. And of course, that's not it. Everything's always gonna be mared with contrast and we wouldn't want it any other way. And I think in the years of business doing great and all the challenges that came with that, uh, were totally unseen. I think I really learned, okay, it's not about this ultimate beautiful thing that is sold forever. It's like, how do I find. Like utopia in the madness. How do I find stability in the chaos and how do I try to have fun a lot more chill out a lot more? And through all of these years I was studying, so much about human behavioral psychology and the mind and the way why we do things. And then I got into spending a couple,'cause of all the heartbreaks and relationships that just never eventuated to anything. I was like, what is going on with men and women's years studying the crisis of mating right now and the division against men and women? And just that I think broke my heart more than anything. What's really happened in our world. And it's honestly something that I'm dealing with a lot of grief with right now because I'm trying to recreate my hope for my dream. Amidst all this data I have and this huge audience of women who are going through the same thing. So I'm holding all their stories and all the things they're going through. And this isn't an against men comment either.'cause we have screwed men over men and boys. So there's two sides of this that I totally understand. But yeah, holding all of that has become really interesting for me. So I'm in this big season now of spending a few months of like just, okay, stop, grieve and prepare for what's next.'cause I feel something or many big things are coming. So yeah,
Speaker:that's in a nutshell to be vague. There's so much to unpack there. The one thing I wanna call on first is what you said about that finding. The calm and the chaos and that never reaching the forever point. I think we've really sold this panacea of like, when this, and I know for myself it was always like, when I lose weight or when I have a boyfriend or when I get the promo, like, I'm gonna be happy then. And we put our happiness on hold almost.'cause we're like, oh, I'm striving and I'm okay. And that then that's when the chaos comes in. And it's such a, a strong narrative, but we have to break these things in order to, find the joy in the moment and find the fun on the way because you never get there. Right? Like, there is no end point unless you, you're dead. And then well, that's the end point. And no one really wants to rush towards that. Exactly.
Speaker 2:We're all gonna get there, but let's not rush. Yeah.
Speaker:Yeah. Let's take our time on that one.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And it's. It's something that I'm really glad that I've come to and I really intentionally create in my day to day. And then of course, the women who have worked with me will say, I'm always like a broken record with them. Anytime they get a little bit too scared of, I'm like, Hey, have you like had a laugh today? Or have you self care today? They'll be like, oh, I know it's annoying, but it's just like why would we Delay that. I couldn't even conceptualize that though from the original chaos I was in. And like, when I say chaos, it's interesting'cause I'm also, I'm from a pretty grounded background. When I look back now, like my parents, we had all sorts of problems. There was all sorts of stress in our household, of course, but they chose each other and they stayed together. So I've got this secure attachment style. I've always expected that a relationship was gonna go somewhere. I'm always assuming the best in my partners and the people around me. So I've had this really stable. Like part of me, but then I've spent, 10, 20 years out in this world that's so chaotic and so unstable and a lot of people haven't come from those kind of backgrounds. So I've like fragmented myself over the years in so many ways. Part of it was why I decided to get into helping others because I was like, I can't have gone through this much variety of messed up stuff and learned how to find stability in it to not help people. But when I look back at it, as soon as I left that relationship, I was thrown into chaos. One after the other, after the other, like month after month, year after year in so many different ways, shapes or forms. I'm talking like, you know, the sickness. I developed an eating disorder because I knew I couldn't digest food, but I had candida, so I was craving bad food. I had, sexual abuse and stalking and harassment by authority figures and all sorts of things went down, right? So many different things. And so by the time I got to the years where I really delved into healing, I probably like on the front, I was always able to put on a good face. But there was a certain point, especially around the time that business was taking off, that I finally felt a shift in my being as the only way I describe it. I finally felt like, whoa, something changed. And a big part of this is the thing that's so impossible to sell, but it was taking absolute radical personal responsibility for everything and it, including the relationship that I just found out he'd been, doing all these really shady, awful things and instead of going, he is the narcissist, the liar, the gaslight, all the things. I was like, if I've attracted that, I'm, how am I? Those things. Yeah.
Speaker:But that, that's a big thing to take on and as you say. No one wants to do that.
Speaker 2:No one wants to do that name. I, but I just, as I, I was really deep in the, I'm committing to all the healing, and so I did it and it was such a missing piece. Um, and that was woven in as well with beautiful hypnotherapy practices and timeline healing stuff that I did. I did over and over and over and over again. I was obsessive. But I, something happened and I, I, it was like I, all through my system felt, oh, I'm okay. I'm safe now and I'm aware of where this is all coming from and I'm gonna choose differently and it's gonna be okay. It's like when you do a health kick and you're like, oh, I feel good. And then we usually sabotage it. But it was like that where I was like, I tasted. Something that I knew, which was probably like a lot of my childhood before things got so messed up. It's like, oh, that breath of fresh air in my being. I was like, oh my God, I'm in control. I'm actually in control. It was like that taste of calm that I hadn't had in so long because I'd been trying to survive on I say on my own, but I was in another country from my family. Couldn't get money from government ever for anything where I was, I'd just been in this survival, stress state constantly every day, So yeah, that access to the calm me again was like, oh. Okay. Yeah. So the pendulum swung this far into like masculine survival. And now I was able, I had like a point of reference for bringing it back and like starting to swing it a bit this way and go, hold on, who is she and who is she now in her thirties? And how can I start to incorporate her more in my day? And I won't keep talking about this, but there is a piece to this that I find really powerful with clients. And it happens every time when a woman comes to me in heaps of survival like me. We usually end up swinging the pendulum all the way to feminine and then we have to bring it back a little bit and find middle ground.'cause all, all the way s so good, like, why did we decide to work 50, 60, 70 hours a week plus do everything else And our systems aren't good for it, but it's the world we've chosen for now. But it can be really addictive when you access that pure state of feminine calm, just, ugh. There's a power in kind of experiencing the full side of both and then going, okay, how can I bring it into center throughout the day more often? So if I feel myself swinging to intense action solutions at, go, go, go masculine, I can go, hold on, maybe I could just take a breath or have some water, or I can, do a little dance or create something or whatever. Um, and just incorporate a bit more of the feminine. So we start bringing pendulum more into center.
Speaker:For sure. I think there's there's many things you said there, but like the first thing I think is actually it feels like when we try and access the feminine, it feels like it's a whole journey but what you've just said is that there are small moments of accessibility where we can, as you say, move your body or create something or just actually be still for a moment. And you chose to heal, you chose to do the work and that is an incredibly confronting thing for many people. It would just be so much easier to like, sit in front of Netflix and rot. And it's a real commitment to continuing to show up for yourself because no one's giving you any gold stars for this. And it comes back to that success thing actually success is, is feeling and coming home to myself, whereas like before I was, I was chasing those gold stars and, and that's, yeah. It's a challenge, right?
Speaker 2:Absolutely. And it's, it, you know, like you said, the chasing thing and the, it's the happily ever after thing, right? Yes. And don't get me wrong, I love, I love the Disney fairytales, the old ones, the new ones, but like, I love them so much and I think that so much of life can be a fairytale and. We can't just expect it all to fall into place without doing anything. And so I think we all have that point as women where we realize that. But also, I mean, a lot of clients who are work I work with, funny enough, a lot of my audience are single women struggling the same ways that I have in the dating world, but a lot of my clients are usually married happily. It's really interesting that that's the dynamic that I've attracted a lot more as clients because I have to constantly remind them, Hey, like your healing journey or whatever, what's the destination? No one's really thinking about what the destination is. You can get to destinations of healing. And then beyond that, there's always gonna be stuff that comes up, but I'm always reminding them like, just relax a little bit. Like you've got a husband, you've got a job, you've got a business, you've got kids. You don't have to do this all day, every day. Like, I was guided too, like for some odd reason I have not been sent a man who is able to have a relationship for almost 14 years. Not for lack of trying like, but. Again, there's that probably there was a few years where my chaos scared them away, but it was definitely more often than not, and this has literally been verbalized by almost every partner that my calm has scared them away. But yeah, like that was my path. And it, for some reason I just went all on, all in, all in, over and over. But it's not what I recommend. I recommend. Incorporate healing, incorporate challenging yourself with stuff every day. And I simplify everything in the work that I do'cause our brains are so clogged up anyway. But I'm like just trying to fun a bit more. Try and enjoy it. Let's simplify things. So you can still do the change work every day, but go and run around and be silly with your kids. That can be your workout for the day. It doesn't have to be so intense. Because I, if I look back, I hate the word regret, but I'm just like, oh, I just wish I'd gone out and had a bit more fun throughout all of that and not taken it all so seriously like we're all actually winging it. So I think it's incorporating a bit of everything is so powerful, but just not taking it so intensely or so seriously. And I love that so many women are waking up to this more now.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Um, if we talk about the dating world, which I know we're not so much on this podcast, but like men, that's, we're inviting the masculine to step up and learn, Hey, it's not gonna be a happily ever after. Relationships is
Speaker:still gonna
Speaker 2:be challenging. Let's all just pick someone and go for it. Yeah.
Speaker:Just do the work together.
Speaker 2:Do it.'cause love is the most healing thing of all. Yeah. I always talk about love when I talk about business.'cause all of it's related, like everything is connected. We know this and how your relationships are is gonna affect your business. It's gonna affect the success you have in any arena because how we do one thing is usually how we do anything. So yeah, I think it's powerful to address.
Speaker:I love, I really love that. That leads us into our next question. How has your definition of success changed and what does success mean to you now?
Speaker 2:It's evolved so much throughout all of those different seasons, but the most interesting thing to this day that is still a common denominator is people can come to me and write me a 10 page like memo about everything that's wrong. But when I ask the question, well, where do you wanna be? What's the ideal outcome? It's like a one word answer. It's like peace, happiness, like love abundance, you know, these ones. And yet then if I dig a little deeper, I'm like, well, what is that for you? And the thing I love about what I've learned to do is I love to combine the woo woo, like the spirituality stuff with the science stuff. And it's all the same. They all talk about the same thing. And if we go more scientific for a second, like the way we program our brain is how we find evidence of what we see in our life. And if we are all programming our brain to not see what we're wanting to create, it's gonna. Constantly feel like we're just losing our mind and not getting to where we wanna be. To your question though, I think I'd never even thought about success as a concept until recent years. Because I never thought about having a business. I literally always thought that I would meet a man and we would have babies and I would look after the home, maybe I'd work, maybe I'd teach yoga, um, maybe I'd support him and his work. And it just kept not happening. And so I kept having to figure out, okay, well if I'm gonna have all this time, like I could do all the toxic stuff that I see a lot of people doing, or I could do something that I'm proud of that aligns with me. And it was actually I. A lover at one point or past lover, who was one of the other situation ships darling man. He called me out at one point and he, he could see how miserable I was just not having met someone or not having someone actually choose me back. And he said, if you, and this is one of my most viral videos, you've probably seen it, but he said, if you never meet your person or get to have kids, what would you want your life to have been about? And I was like, Ooh, yeah. I was like, I knew enough at that time I was teaching about triggers and I was like, oh God, that means it's got a teaching for me. But he was right. I was like, why am I spending my time and my money and my energy like trying to look perfect all the time and trying to go and be in these places and, and meet guys? And this was before dating apps were really taking off, even though they've been absolutely horrific for me the whole time. But it was so powerful because I was like, he'd always said to me over the years that we'd known each other, he was like, you're gonna be like a, a famous writer or a leader or something. And I was like, dude, I just teach yoga. What are you talking about? I don't know where he got it from. He still can't really remember what I said to, to make him think that. But it was, yeah, really powerful. And it was, I then made it my obsession after that point, build businesses and learn how to build websites. And there was a lot of, you know, you've gotta act as if you already have it energy. I didn't know anyone doing anything that I was looking into. I didn't know anyone who was doing coaching, didn't know anyone who was doing online work at all. I just started having this like realization, especially at that rock bottom moment of I wanna be a mother and I want to raise children, and I wanna be a present wife to someone. How the hell am I gonna do that while I am sick and no one has the answers. And while I am working my ass off for the, one of the biggest companies in the world and still making minimum just above minimum wage, I'm miserable. Everyone's bullying each other at work. It was just awful. There was a moment. I bought these, this is so silly, but I bought these overalls. They were so cute and I looked so great in them. And I was sitting at the cafe learning how to build websites on my laptop just'cause I was like, I'm just acting as if I already work for myself. And didn't know anyone who was doing that. And I just was like, I don't ever wanna have to change outta these overalls and put on a uniform again. I wanna be able to work for myself and sit in cafes and just I don't know, do stuff that inspires people. And that's all it came from. And then I just kept following that thread and following that thread. And again, luckily I didn't have anyone to compare to back then. Hmm. The only people I compare to were kind of way too far ahead. They were like my mentors, like Tony Robbins, Preston Smiles was one of them at the time. He was really blowing up. And his partner Alexi Panos. And there just wasn't really anyone else doing it. And I'm sure there was, but in my sphere. And I think that was really powerful for me'cause there was not really seeds of doubt. I was just this crazy delusional person. I lost like every friend I ever had because they all thought I was insane. But for me, I guess at that time, success was really just following that thread of like, what if I could and what would that feel like and what would I be incorporating into the day? So like, we're still working full time. I still had to I was so sick. I was like fibromyalgia, spasmed out. Like no meds were helping. But I would still get up and I'd take myself down to the cafe and order my long black and I'd sit there on my laptop and just do stuff. And people thought I was working. I'd be like, oh, I'm just like learning to build websites or I'm learning to do videos and edit things. And just one thing led to another, led to another. And then I was. Off, overseas actually running my little YouTube channel in my little wellness business with these health products that were really great for me. And, and it wasn't until kind of, I got a, luckily from that beautiful health company anyway, these products save my life and to this day I take them every day. They're literally just natural stuff that just helps your body be healthy. But I also got so much free eduKation. Through the, this company from all of my mentors. So I never had to pay Tony Robbins a dime. I never had to pay any of these. Les Brown, like all these motivational speakers I'd looked up to were coming in and training us for free in this company. That's incredible. Like four years of free education for everything. I never planned to be a whole Foods supplement peddler, but it was one of those things on the path that I was like, this makes absolutely no sense, but if it's helping my body and it can help me make money and I'm just gonna follow it and for four years I just. Didn't make a lot of money but I learned so much and I think in those years it really started to open my mind of what was possible in success in where I wanted to go. And at this point I'd always known I wanted to be like a, an amalgamation of Tony Robbins and Abraham Hicks.'cause I know Tony's very much like the brain science side of things. And then Abraham Hicks teachings is very much the WOOWOO channeling, which happens for me a lot. And I was like, I wanna be like a mix of the two of them. So success throughout those years was really just learning and becoming better and then learning how to integrate it and make it me. Rather than trying to be like everyone else, which is a real trap when you're in those kind of setups or just in the online space now. And then when business, my coaching, because I had the health business and then I had my coaching membership, which was kind of just doing quietly in the background for anyone who wanted to join. And I was like, underpricing it, like ridiculously, but, and so no one was really valuing it. Mm-hmm. But it was great because I was showing up every Tuesday to do the call, even if no one showed up. And I was like, I'll just, I'm just gonna make this my thing. And over those years it really became a lot more of the integration of the systems and the setup and the customer journey and the customer flow and all of the links and everything. I was like, just as Abraham Hicks says, getting ready to be ready to be ready. And so when business, like when everything started going viral, which is not the. A thing that has to happen to be successful, but it was a thing that helped at that time. I had everything ready. I was prepared, systems were prepared, the payment systems were set up. I was making like a thousand bucks a month from my business as a whole at that point. And, but I was prepared to be making a lot more. I just had no idea. But it was because in those years, I'd started seeing people who were making$10,000 a month and 20,000 and a hundred thousand. I was like, that's insane. Yeah. Like, that's stupid. But that very response I just had highlighted me to all the belief systems I had about money. And so I actually spent a couple of years during COVID while I was having to do housekeeping work to support my business I just listened to money mindset, books and podcasts all day, every day. I have a beautiful like money mindset and strategy program that is. Super beneficial for people, because it's just simple stuff that helps bend our brains in a better way. Mm. Money, which is energy, which wants to come to us all the time, but we block it in so many ways. And one of the biggest things for me in relation to success was I have a huge belief in my consciousness passed down through many generations that rich people are evil.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Because if I believed that, and if my parents believed that, then if I became wealthy, my parents would hate me. Is it obviously not what would
Speaker:happen,
Speaker 2:but, but
Speaker:it makes sense. The brain is like, protect. Don't, don't go there.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker:Don't go there because everyone will hate you.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm. Even though most people who have good intentions know that money is also a tool and it allows us to become more of who we are. And one of the biggest things in the work that I do as well is I want all the good people to be wealthy so we can finally make some good changes. Yeah, there's a huge, like resistance against wealth, specifically in the success wealth for so many people who are struggling with their success. What is success for me? So off the back of where I started, and I do these big weaves, but when I started talking about those one word responses from people, like, I just want peace. I just want love, I just want success. It's like, well, what is that? Specifically? Write me a 10 page memo in detail with every sense used on what that is. Tell me about a whole day in detail on what that is for you in your body, in your surroundings. What does your face do when certain things happen? Like how does it feel?'cause when you can tell me that most of your problems are gonna be solved'cause it's gonna start seeing it show up more, or at least start seeing the pathways show up for, and those little windows opening and the threads opening, the whole food, products that popped into my life. Just in the right time when I started changing my story and the depths of sickness, it's a really fun one to play with, like getting really clear on and detailed on your definition of success or whatever it is that you feel you don't have that you want. And just continuing to go into that.'cause it's the allowing yourself to act as if, which is essentially choosing to feel like it's done more than you're choosing to feel like it isn't. Yeah. And that literally tricks your brain tricks programs wires and your reticular activating system. I love it, the RAS to find evidence of the pathways to it in the world and then you follow them.
Speaker:Yeah. So beautiful. So powerful. I think the specificity piece is so important, and it's something that people really miss in my experience. One of my coaches is always saying, vagueness is the first distortion of the mind. And it's, it's true with everything, right? If something is bad and you're like, oh, something's bad, and you're like, well, what's, what's actually bad though? And you get to it and you're like, okay, you probably can deal with this small thing that you've somehow made into a huge mountain. I could have this conversation all day, but I do have another question. And we've touched on these, but what challenges have you had to overcome?
Speaker 2:I think the biggest challenge was, I was probably quite naive. To the real world. I think we all are
Speaker 3:for a
Speaker 2:really long time. So I think some people get away with it forever, and I envy them. I think the Internet's really opened it up in great ways, but also in challenging ways. I, I moved through so much of my life, honestly, up until the last few years, just assuming that people would be who they said they were and do the things they said they were gonna do. And so, I've had my heart broken many times, but I set that up by my secure assumption that people were just gonna stay and do the thing. So I think that's been really, and not just relationships, but like friendships as well. And especially when people get quietly triggered by something, a lot of the times they don't even know what they're being triggered by. And we just, instead of going to that person that we're uncomfortable with, to talk it out and actually work out, Hey, what, what actually happened when a lot of the time nothing's really gone wrong. Instead, we usually create a whole narrative in our head. We go talk to mom, auntie, best friend, anyone other than that person. It gets heightened and dramatized and blown out of proportion. And then usually those people don't talk anymore at all. This happens a lot in relationships as well, which is yeah, a whole thing. But that really, I think, has broken my heart in many ways that we don't communicate because we've not learned how, and that's no one's fault. So that was a big one. And just on that, I will say'cause it's coming through, like I think there's something really powerful in our generations that doesn't get said enough. So there's a lot happening with this big blame piece on parents of the last generation or two. And I get it, like I've worked with people who have been through some of the most traumatic, horrific things with their families and. If I were to put myself in the shoes of my parents or parents who have been horrific to their kids with the upbringings that they've had with war times that's been suppressed and then projected and famines and horrible, like things that we in this lifetime would never imagine going through, has just been gone through and pushed down and then leaked out into a little bit of abuse and a little bit of bad things said to a child. None of them knew what they were doing. They were doing the best they could with absolutely no awareness, just trying to get through God seeing things and experiencing things that I cannot fathom. And they didn't have the access to information that we have or and people like to complain about this day and age, but we have everything. Like we don't have to lift a finger. So this is why I think. That so much trauma is coming to the surface because we've created enough space and stability to be able to have it come up. And it sucks'cause it's coming up and no one really knows what the freak we're doing. And all the therapists are telling you to get rid of your parents and that'll solve the problem. Except it just morphs the trauma into something different that gets passed on in a different way. So I think I think our war of our generations are within with the programs that have been passed down and instead of making them bad or wrong or someone else's problem going, hold on, these are programs. Belief systems, things in my body and my nervous system and my brain that inform the way that I behave and move through the world. And if I change them, I change the whole thing. And it's not easy and it's so much easier to blame someone else. And there's a whole industry right now monetizing that pain and getting you to blame someone else. And it makes a lot of money'cause it gets a lot of attention. But if I can invite anyone right now to go, hold on. You don't have to forgive. You don't have to let things go. It doesn't make anything right, but it's like, what if it's coming up for you? Because you are the one who changes everything and it doesn't just change it for everything moving forward, but it actually starts to heal all the stuff that they weren't able to, that they had to carry unconsciously. Like the healing I've seen in families, in parents, in children, in my family. To see my parents. Come to so many wild realizations because I've done change work. It's insane. So I think, yeah, there's, it's a heavy one.'cause yeah, the victim, the victim energy is loud. Because it's been really weaponized to make money, I think. Yeah. I believe, and I've witnessed, especially in the last few years as everyone's started to monetize the therapy space. But I invite people to realize that if you've been a victim, it's your initiation to be the victor, like to create so much incredible change for you. And a side effect is that it creates change for everyone around you. So, yeah, I don't know why that came through, but
Speaker:that's, that's that. No, I think. It's about the for you piece, right? It's about choosing yourself first and, whatever falls out of that fab. But like, it's, you're so right, like the victim mentality. The victim mindset, like it's pedaled as a big, oh, you are not wrong. Everyone else around you is wrong.
Speaker 2:If I could choose that, my god, I tried on occasionally, but like I said, I'm on some kind of weird spiritual assignment. It was like Zeus came and like struck me down if I ever tried to be a victim for too long. So
Speaker 5:like that will do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he has 10 more chronic illnesses because you've played a victim for a while, so I don't get to do that. But, but yeah, I think it's a powerful time and I, yeah, I know I at least notice that in the spaces where victim mentality is heightened and Almost celebrated. Like it's a, everyone wants a victim story. Now you'll notice that the people leading those spaces or in those spaces aren't leading very happy lives. They're not physically healthy, they don't have usually happy relationships. And that's what I started to notice, especially in the health world that I've in. I was like, wait, where are the people who have had what I had and solved it? Yeah. Who have been where I've been and solved it. And I found them and I joined them and I hung out with them at least virtually.'cause usually you couldn't do it physically. Yeah. Especially. But yeah, it's, I think it's a, a potentially are gonna be a really beautiful time. We just, in a big clinch point,
Speaker 5:big transition period. But change can be good.
Speaker 2:Yes it can. Yeah, I think it's one of the things I always say to clients,'cause I think there's been so much great stuff about it, all of this age of information available to us. We've learned so many great things from therapy culture, from healing spaces but also there's a lot that's limiting. I think there's been so much beautiful things coming from that space and like you said, it's definitely about choosing yourself and there's definitely a heightening of a collective buzzword that everyone is gonna get upset about narcissism. I always say,'cause we're all self-serving, people don't like to hear this, but we're actually all narcissistic at the end of the day. The definition of the word narcissist is to be. Have an overwhelming sense of self service. And like, just look at COVID and the toilet paper thing, like at the end of the day when push comes to shove. When we are pushed into our animal instinct, we will choose ourselves. Yep. So it's the thing. And when you actually admit that, then it's like, okay, how can I be self-serving and help others? Mm. Rather than serving against others or making other people these horrible people. Um, and that's my piece on that because I'm like, if you can start to go hold on, self-love and service, like my self-importance and serving others, like how can I almost, I call it like the, remember the infinity symbol? It's just like self-care service. Self-care service. Find that you're incorporating both of those throughout the day. And that's like the magic source.'cause we can swing so much into the. Self-love me, me, me, which is technically narcissism. True. It's not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing. You need it to survive. Like, we would not be here after all these millennia of time without that part of our, like our psyches. But yeah, how can you incorporate it with, well, how can I help someone else today? How can I smile at a stranger today? How can I build a program or help someone with their groceries or whatever it is, like, and incorporate those two? It's a really powerful thing. It's also, interestingly enough, a way to, like, we've all heard of the law of attraction, but there's actually 12 tried and tested laws of the universe that no one else is about, but they're all really powerful and if you are incorporating them into your life, like you'll become like a magnet to everything. And the simple concept of self-care and service is essentially activating all of those at once. Without having to go, okay, I need to think of the law of oneness and I need to think of the law of assumption and I need to think of the law of attraction. And I like, yeah, it's like self, that's, yeah.
Speaker:And I think that there's something really important in that.
Speaker 2:A couple of years ago, a client beautiful woman, she came on a call, which we just finished her contract and she had these wild, incredible breakthroughs. And she said to me, I know that you give so much to us and you work so hard for us and all you really want is to be a mom. And she said, have you ever heard of the story of Abraham and his wife Sarah? So I, I, I'm lapsed Christian. I love a lot of aspects of religion and I'm really healing my religion wound these days.'cause I think that's a whole rabbit hole I could go down, but, I think we've thrown out a lot of the baby with the bath water with that one. But, she told me this beautiful story about the wife of Abraham. And Abraham was one of the figures in, in the Bible who essentially had to build the whole new world. And his wife Sarah was always there supporting him to help with this. And they called her the mother of nations and she was barren. She couldn't have children and it was always miserable for her'cause it was all she ever wanted to be. So the. The world, community, whatever, called her, the mother of nations. And she was eventually gifted a a child in her old age. In, in, back then in historical times. Their old age was 90. They were still having children. That's again, it's a rabbit hole. But, she said she was, gifted a child eventually. But so much of her purpose was being a mother to everyone. And my client said, she was like, you've, you're a mother to all of us, but you are also mothering our children through us. She's'cause her children had been returned to her. And then I've had similar comments from other and it was like, that is really beautiful and a good reminder.'cause it's like there's so many women who yearn to be mothers and most women feel it at some stage, especially if you come off birth control, which basically turning off that awareness. But. Yeah, that, that yearning but then that fear and that grief of like, but what if it doesn't happen?'cause there's a lot of people it doesn't happen for. And there's going to be a lot of people, it doesn't happen for just because of the dynamics of the world right now. But there's this whole piece of the feminine that's not being fulfilled necessarily. And I always like to remind myself, but also others, there are so many ways to be a mother.'cause what is a mother? She's the nurturer. She's the giver, she's the one who loves, she's the one who gives and supports others and is this service right? So yeah, I think that's powerful part of why I'm here.
Speaker:Thank you for sharing it. It's incredibly powerful story. It comes back to that end point, right? Sometimes it can look quite different and it's quite hard to accept that difference.'cause you're like, no, no, no, but it needs to look like this.'cause this is the picture I have in my head and this is what it needs to, and then when something else comes along, and I know I'm really guilty of this, I'm like, no, no, no. But it's, it's not that yet. And I'll be like, I want something to happen and it'll come a very different way and I'll be like, no, no, no. But that's not how it's meant to happen, so I'm gonna wait. It's that like the end goal thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah. It's like that fable of I don't mean to be using religious terminology, but anyway, that's why we gone, there we go. But like the fable of like the man who's like drowning in the river, and he's like asking God to save him. And then the, I know the story gets sent and then he is like, no, no, no, God will save me. And then he goes to heaven. He dies and goes to heaven. He's like, why don't you save me? He's like, I sent you a news report, a helicopter and a boat. What do you want? Yeah. And I've, I've been the same, like the amount of times I've seen things on like little memes or, quotes online that are just like the sign or the path that you've been asking for, you've probably said no to because it didn't look the way you expected. Same with the person, same with dating, especially in business. There's so many things in my business, like I hear a lot of people saying, oh, you wanna attract like your ideal dream clients. No, you wanna attract clients so that you can hone your skills and be really good at what you do. If someone has said, oh, only take on clients that are like dream clients, we're gonna do everything you say and pay on time. And like how would you learn anything? You should be prepared to take on the people who need the service that you have. So I mean that, it's the same with the health business that I got into. I always joke, I'm like, did I think that the pathway to my dream would've been selling people fruit and vegetable supplements? No, but they got me healthy enough to be able to do everything else I've done so out of the path. Brilliant. Yeah. So got all the free education, got heaps of support for years. Again, it's that no one has the path for you. And a lot of what I've done for myself, it's been, my process I've noticed has been really powerful. So that's what I walk other women through is like we get your physical health in a really good space. Because for women, when we're physically. More stable and hormonally stable. It's a big one. Like we have clarity to the path and to our own guidance and we have more energy to go, I'll try that weird thing. Or I'll go to that thing, or I'll whatever. And then there's other layers to it, of course. But I think there's so much to be said, even just for something as simple as that, which shows us we can trust ourselves more because our body is incredibly powerful. And then what else could I do? Or, huh. That's weird that, that's popped up. Maybe it's connected.
Speaker:Interesting to follow the thread. Hugely. Final question, and I'm really interested in this one. What advice would you give your younger self?
Speaker 2:I love this one. Oh, stop chasing boys and men. If only I'd known, although, to be fair, like the fact that I didn't has made for a couple of really interesting spicy books that I've written that seem to be more popular. But yeah, one of my girlfriends who teaches menstrual Health and Cycle awareness, uh, says it so well. Nature has the answer for us. The egg does not chase the sperm.
Speaker 3:She's like,
Speaker 2:so true. Of course we don't learn a lot about our reproductive system, even in school. I don't remember learning anything about ovulation, fertilization, like menstruation, anything like that. But the egg only gets released if there's enough health in the body for her. So if she's healthy, she comes out and presents herself healthy, ready, grounded, and then. The healthiest sperm has to work his way to her. And even then she gets to decide if the health is compatible before she lets him in. And I think it's such a good reminder and especially now where we're in this kind of world where we've turned dating into something, it's not. And we've turned relationships into something they're not. And we've just made a mess of everything. Honestly, I don't have many good things to say about it at this point. But for me, I think, of course I just fell into the chaser role by virtue of the fact that I just did assume that relationships were going to become relationships. I missed the memo that they weren't, of course there was no memo, but felt like there was a memo. But I think the memo is more, just a lot more people come from homes where they don't have an idea that a relationship can be this incredible thing that builds a life. But yeah, I think I would pay less attention to boys. Obviously always be open, but to learn more about who you are and exactly what you want, specifically long term, regardless of how exactly it works out or if it all works out perfectly, but really get clear on it.'cause that helps to identify so fast if a male is on the same page. Yeah. And then so maybe teach her a little bit about the chemical releases for of oxytocin, because it's all well and good to say all that, but if you don't have any kind of touch for months or years at a time has been my experience. As soon as someone gives you a kiss, it's just like, yeah. So I think that's a powerful piece of education for my younger self at least to be like, okay. Just because he is kissed you and you're releasing all these good chemicals on your brain, does not mean that this deadbeat of a man is going to be your husband. Yeah. So I would teach her a lot of the things that I've learned especially in regards to relationships, about clarity about chemicals and hormones when it comes to interactions with men. I like, one of the biggest things that weirdly got me into coaching was learning about, quantum entanglement and sexual energy and the chemicals that women release different to the chemicals men release in intimacy and how they essentially, the reason we had driven apart was the time. But that was just mind blowing for me.'cause I was like, this explains so much of my life. And if I'd known this, I probably wouldn't have chased so many things like I did, or just assumed that so many things would stick around like I did. Yeah, it was a powerful, powerful piece of education for me as it pertains to. Relationships with men. And I probably could have done all sorts of interesting, more things in my life with that time, or probably called in a partner a lot sooner. But, all of it was meant to happen this way, and I've still gotten a lot done.
Speaker:And on that note, where can we find you? So if anyone's listened to this episode and is like, I a hundred percent need your teaching, I need to work with you. Where do we find you? We can link it all in the show notes, but just tell us where we can find you.
Speaker 2:So it's Katrina Burke on Instagram, Facebook, I think YouTube as well. I haven't been on YouTube for a bit, but it all got a little bit too exhausting whilst also holding clients. But yeah, just Katrina Burke, and yeah, a lot of the different spaces are different, so Facebook's a lot more just general mindset posting. And then Instagram is definitely a lot more focused around love and relationships, and leadership, which maps into everything. Of course I seem to attract a lot of women who have businesses and I have whole business programs, which are great. But, uh, I do talk a lot more about love and relationships and my stories from the past especially from the books which are salacious and juicy.
Speaker:Great. It's all there. Amazing. Thank you so much. This has been, honestly, I feel like I could talk to you for the rest of the day, but we will, given that it's like your nighttime, we'll let you go to bed. I really appreciate your time and, um, yeah, thanks so much. Honestly, I've learned loads, so I'm sure everyone else will too.
Speaker 2:So much and it's likewise.
Speaker:Thanks so much. Enjoy your evening and then Yeah, your, your weekend.
Speaker 7:Thank you so much for listening today, and a huge thanks to Katrina for being so beautifully vulnerable and honest with us. There were so many moments in this conversation that hit me right in the chest, but I think what struck me most was Katrina's insight about never reaching that mythical forever point where everything clicks into place permanently. The whole idea of putting our happiness on hold until we lose the weight, get the boyfriend, get the promotion, is such a trap. Katrina's journey from chaos to finding calm, not by eliminating the chaos, but by learning to be stable within. It is true wisdom. I loved Katrina's definition of wealth as wellbeing. Success isn't about accumulating money or achievements, it's about maximizing your overall wellbeing in whatever way that looks like for you. The biggest takeaway from me is Katrina's. Reminder that we are all our own coaches, and whilst it's helpful to have guides who can point out our blind spots, ultimately we need to learn to trust our own guidance and love our own path because no one else has walked your exact journey and no one else holds them up to your specific version of success. If this week's episode of Successful AF has resonated with you, I want to hear about it, drop me a line at successful AF pod@gmail.com. I'm always looking for inspirational people to join me on the pod, so if you know someone who you think would be great, nominate them or yourself and please do like and subscribe. It really does help, and I appreciate you being here. See you next week.