Successful AF Pod
Successful AF is the podcast for high-achieving women who've checked all the boxes but still feel empty inside, exploring how to redefine success without sacrificing your sanity. Join host Jess West as she interviews women who've cracked the code on setting boundaries, ditching perfectionism, and building a life that's truly successful AF.
Successful AF Pod
From Medical Doctor to Cacao Entrepreneur: Finding Success Through Self-Connection with Dr Ifey Ihonor of 8Within
Trigger Warning: This episode contains mentions of suicide and self-harm. If you're struggling with these issues, please reach out to a trusted professional or contact a crisis support service in your area.
In this episode, host Jess West sits down with Ifey Ihonor, founder of 8 Within, who walked away from one of the most coveted medical positions in the UK to embark on a fifteen-year journey of self-discovery. From four degrees to plant medicine work across India, Bali, and Costa Rica, Ifey's story is a masterclass in refusing to accept walking a path that doesn't feel true to you and trusting your inner knowing.
They explore what it really means to be your own guru, why failure only exists when you give up, and how plants like cacao can help quiet the external noise enough to hear yourself think. Ifey shares a powerful "Australia analogy" about finding direction in life, why waiting is the secret sauce of life, and how she's turned "I'm magical" into a genuine philosophy.
This conversation will challenge listeners to examine whose definition of success they're chasing, remind them that literally no one is thinking about them (which is liberating), and give them permission to do whatever the hell they want. If you're exhausted from proving yourself and ready to redefine success on your own terms, this episode is for you.
Key Takeaways:
- Why knowing where you want to go matters more than how you'll get there
- The difference between self-exploration and "working on yourself"
- How to stop reacting to life and start directing it
- Why you're fine exactly as you are (and who benefits from telling you otherwise)
Connect with Ifey: Instagram: @8within Website: https://8within.com/
Love this episode? Hit subscribe and leave us a review! And if you know someone who's redefining success on their own terms, nominate them at successfulafpod@gmail.com - we're always looking for incredible people to feature.
Connect with Jess:
Instagram: @kalicoaching.co
Website: www.kalicoaching.co.uk
I am Jess West, leadership and burnout coach for high achieving women. I help you redefine success without sacrificing your wellbeing. This is successful AF the podcast for people who've climbed all the ladders, ticked all the boxes, and still feel like success is a million miles away. Today I am absolutely thrilled to have Ifey Ihonour here with us. Ifey's story is one of courageous reinvention, she started her career in medicine securing one of the most coveted positions in the UK after graduation. But despite the prestige, it didn't feel right, so she walked away to find what actually mattered to her. What followed was an intentional journey of exploration, four degrees career, spanning journalism to nutrition and transformative experiences working with plant medicines in places like India, Bali, and Costa Rica. Through all of that searching. Ifey discovered something profound, the answer wasn't out there in the next achievement or in the perfect guru it was in getting quiet enough to hear herself. That realization, led her to found eight within where she creates cacao and plant medicines designed to help others unlock that same inner connection and peace. Now full disclosure, I am a total cacao convert. Earlier this year, I attended Ifey's Cacao Mastery course, having never actually tried cacao before, despite having her products recommended to me multiple times. Let's just say I am now that person who starts every single morning with a cacao. And through that experience, I got to work with Ifey personally, which has been genuinely transformative. What I love about Ifey is her refusal to accept mediocrity and her belief that you are your own guru. She's someone who knows that failure only exists when you give up. Who's turned? I'm magical into a genuine life philosophy and whose definition of success is beautifully simple. Knowing where you want to go and going for it, not acquiring what society tells you should make you happy. Let's get into today's episode. Welcome to the podcast. Ifey, it's a pleasure to have you
Speaker 2:here. Thank you for having me. Tell us your story.
Speaker 3:I think most people have a hundred stories in one lifetime. So I guess in relation to the topic of the podcast, it makes sense more to tell my career story. Where do I start? Started my career in medicine, so I'm Nigerian. I was born in Nigeria, moved over to the UK early childhood, and I think most people know, I'm gonna say it's a very non-Western thing, where you are heavily encouraged. That's the euphemism to be one of certain professions, which is usually a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer. So it's a case of my sister became a lawyer. My brother was meant to be a doctor and then did decide not to do it. So it was put on my shoulders, essentially, and I come from a family of doctors and nurses. It was just expected of me. So I ended up in medicine. Never really felt like a good fit. Caveat was, I loved learning about the human body. I think the human body is fascinating and everything that happened for you and I to be sitting here, if everyone understood on a cellular level, everything that's going on, you would just be blown away. So I loved all of that. I didn't love the bureaucracy and the having your path set out. I'm someone who's very, I'm a Sagittarius, so that's my sun side, and I have a huge Sagittarius influence in my astrology for any astrology geeks adventure. I like finding the answers to life. I don't want someone to say, this is a box. Sit in the box and shut up. Which at the time when I was a doctor, that's what it felt like it was. This is the career progression. You do this for three months, you do this for three months, you sit this exam, and I was like, no, I can't cope with this. So I left that, but I left under a, what's the word, ushered out through the back door. It was scandalous for me to walk off this. I had quite one of the best jobs in medicine. I hate telling this story, but in the UK at the time when I. Med school, when you graduated, everyone was ranked in terms of how good they were. And then you are given positions. It's like the most coveted positions at the top and the least coated positions at the bottom. And based on your competency and what you've applied for, you get. So I got one that was really close to the top. So the dean, when I handed my resignation was just like, are you okay? Like, this is so bizarre because she literally said. Hundreds of people would've killed for this and call me ungrateful. She actually sent me to a psychiatrist for an evaluation before I was allowed to quit.'cause she thought I was having a breakdown. So when I left medicine, I left kind of like, you'll regret this. You have done something terrible. And so I have this panic that I now had to figure things out and whatever I went into next had to be phenomenal to prove to the people who said. Are you okay? Are you having a breakdown? Do you understand what you're doing? So I went on this mad scramble to try and find what I was supposed to be doing, and I'll speed up the story, but it took me back to uni. I ended up getting four degrees. I just kept going back to uni, starting another career, being like, well, this is crap. So I did that probably for a decade, and it took me through things like print journalism, being a TV reporter, being a nutritionist, like I, I did everything. And then I ended up in startups, health startups. So when I changed jobs a million times, it dropped that you're still not happy and you're not still not finding what you're looking for. So maybe the job isn't what you're looking for. So then I started traveling the world, going to, see gurus going to ashrams, going to the jungle. Literally, I did the cliche, going to India, going to Bali. I literally say to people I eat prayed. Love my world, way around the world.'cause I literally did all of that. I ended up in the jungle in Costa Rica. Like I was just trying to find answers and that led me into working with plants a lot. To speed up the story though, to come to where I am today, where I run a company, which I make cacao Essentially, I make cacao and plant medicines. And the reason I do that is because what I learned from my searching was working with certain plants helps to unlock certain areas of your brain and helps you to understand yourself better, connect with yourself better, and silence a lot of that outside noise that I think drives us. To do that desperate scramble that I did for it was 15 years. I scrambled like a maniac trying to figure things out. And so when I got to the place where I could feel a sense of connection to myself and peace within myself, just sitting in my bedroom not doing anything particularly dramatic, that's when I went, okay, like the answer lies within if you're okay, inside the outside is so unimportant. And so I started eight within and the company's called eight within, and that's why
Speaker:so I'm a big fan of your cacao, but most people when I say I'm drinking cacao, they don't know what it is. So do you wanna just explain what it is, where it comes from, just a bit of the origin and sort of how it came about?
Speaker 3:So cacao essentially is chocolate in its purest form. I think most people know by now that chocolate comes from a fruit. It's the cocoa pod, cacao pod, whatever you want to call it. And cacao is just when you get the beans from that fruit, grind it down into a paste. That is it.
Speaker:Here's one I made earlier. You really whizzed through your story and I think what I find really interesting and very inspiring about your story is your refusal to accept. The mediocre, I think many people don't know or maybe aren't. Program to keep searching for something else and keep upending their life. And I'm curious to know what it was that gave you, whether it's the bravery or just this was the way you are programmed and that's, what you thought was gonna happen to do that so many times.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so people ask me this a lot and they say, oh, you were so brave to leave. And I'm like, well, not really, because it depends on what's driving you. And I was always driven by doing whatever it is I'm meant to do. And I may not know what I'm meant to do, but I know what I'm not meant to do. Like the feeling is all consuming. So when you are sitting in a situation and you are like, this is not me, if I get to the end of my life. And this is my legacy or this is what I have, like I'm gonna be so disappointed. And so that fear, and that's the thing for people who have inertia, they can't move forward for what they want. Like the appeal of the thing has to be greater than the appeal of getting the thing you want has to be greater than the comfort of staying where you are. And that's what it was for me. It was like, oh my God, I cannot miss out. Because that's the whole point. So there's bravery. is only needed when you are afraid. And so there's one thing I haven't ever been afraid of, which is a, it's a personality flaw. It's not a benefit.'cause now it undoes me in business when it's like stay and finish. And you're like, no, I want to start something else. I am someone who's happy to walk away from stuff. And I think that comes from an innate knowing that all is well. As I said, I've come from. I'm an immigrant. Essentially, I'm an African immigrant. I've come from really humble beginnings and always landed on my feet. So I don't have any evidence to the contrary that if I apply myself, if I use my brain and I work hard, all is fine. So, yeah.
Speaker:I'm really interested about what you just said there. Like you have evidence that you will always land on your feet. I think it can be really hard to internalize the evidence that we see around us If we have a story about ourselves, and I'm curious to know, like whether it was the medical training or it's just who you are, that you are able to go, well, look, A equals B, so therefore C, or it's just something that you've programmed in yourself.
Speaker 3:I think it's probably a mix of nature and nurture.'cause again, if you meet some of my family members, no,'cause I sit down saying, and they don't get it. So I think that's an inherent part of my personality. But then also because when you walk away from something that's like being given a golden platter, which was having, you know, a medical degree from a highfaluting medical school, having some cushy job in a, you know, again, highfaluting hospital in London. If you walk away from that, you just have to get stuff done. Failure's not an option, and that's a big thing for me. I see a lot of people who essentially roll over and die, and that's one of the things I'm grateful for, for myself, that I'm always like, and people used to say to me and used to make me mad, they say, you're so resilient. You, and I'd be like, I'd rather just have less things to be resilient about than have to be resilient. But here we are. And so I was, yeah, I just felt like I've had a lot to prove to myself. Initially, I thought it was to prove to other people. As the path unfolded, I realized the only person. Who cares and is judging is me.
Speaker:I get the impression that you are not afraid of failure, but that you just won't accept it. Is that fair? I
Speaker 3:don't think failure exists. Ooh, there's something, well, it's true, but there's something that's always, again, I've taken it too far in the entrepreneurial world where they say Fail fast. I'm like, I have a goal to get to, and it's not a get look to money and get it. That's not a goal. It's more of a internal place of peace and contentment goal.'cause I'm not. So, you know, some people are born and they're like, I wanna be a singer. I wanna be a human. Never me. I didn't know what I wanted to do. So it's almost like a process of elimination. So the quicker I can just get the stuff that doesn't work for me out of the way, I feel like I'll find what works. So that's why I'm happy to dive into something, but like, didn't work, move,
Speaker 2:didn't work. Yeah, that's what it feels like to me. And failure is only when you roll over and die, essentially.
Speaker 3:Hmm.
Speaker:I like that. No, I like it. I think, I think that's fair. I know there's always, there's a lot of chat around like, oh, you know, we shouldn't fear failure and blah, blah, blah, blah. But you are right. Like if you are still alive, technically you haven't failed
Speaker 4:in theory. So when I say roll
Speaker 3:over and die, I don't mean literally. I mean, no, I not, yeah, okay.
Speaker:Just give up. Okay. Now
Speaker 3:pick exactly when you're literally, and then you start, you know, making up a lot of, we all know those people. I would've done it, but my toe got stubbed and this, it's like really the only person has to live with that feeling is you. And there's only so far the justifications are gonna get you. So yeah, that's what I need.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, I get that. Um, what does success mean to you? It means, I mean, to me, we've talked about, we've talked
Speaker 3:about my favorite Australia analogy. It means knowing where you want to go and going for it. I don't think it's the acquisition of things, and I don't necessarily think it's the achievement of the things other people achieve. Again, I had this conversation with you many a time that we all know very successful people. Who've killed themselves. So ticking the boxes of society doesn't make you a success. Being happy, knowing what you want to make you happy and at peace and going after it makes you because it success.
Speaker:Do you wanna just elaborate on the Australia thing?'cause no one else is gonna know what you're talking about.
Speaker 3:Sorry, I forgot about that. It's nothing to do with me. It's an analogy by Michael Singer. Um, and he talks about sailing as an analogy of life. His idea is when you sail somewhere, you get in your boat, you have destination, you know where you're going, and so you point your boat in that direction and you go. And if things happen, you know if there's a shock attack or if there's a storm, you buckle down, you wait for it to pass, and you keep moving. You don't swerve to another direction and just start going in that direction. But if you're someone who doesn't know where you're trying to get to, you just jump in your boat and you start sailing. And if you know a shark comes from the right, then you swerve left and you just keep going left. And if there's a storm, then you turn around and you go. And so essentially you just react to life and you end up where you end up and then you are. 40, 50, 60, 70 going, eh, my life. And it's like, well, you had no direction, so you just went round in circles. Mm.
Speaker 2:So
Speaker 3:that's the thing. It's like, and that's been game changing for me. Find direction. And that doesn't mean I'm gonna start this business. I need to have a husband by 35. Find that thing that's gonna give you peace. That feels like the thing that at the end of your life, you're gonna look back and say, you know, I'm so glad I. Achieved X and it might be, you know, I passed on the information I had to someone. It might be, I was an example. Of, you know, the way to be to live away those aligned with yourself. It might be, I don't know, but you find that thing that's really important to you and then you focus on that goal. And it's the cliche that a lot of people use in the self-help world, but you don't get so bogged down about how it's gonna happen.'cause I think that's what blocks you from letting it happen. You become obsessed that the only, if you say, I want to impact people who are less fortunate than myself, and you get obsessed that you have to go build an orphanage. You close off other ways that you could do that, and that's when you then say, I'm a failure and I never built an orphanage. It's like, why an orphanage? Like,
Speaker:yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah,
Speaker 2:that's
Speaker 3:Australia.
Speaker:I'm really pleased you elaborated there because I think there's a lot of people who think they have to decide what they want to do rather than who they want to be. And I had a conversation not so long ago, um, with an old friend who I used to work with, and he was saying on. I still don't know what I wanna be when I grow up, which is a, a joke we always used to have. And I was like, well, surely is it not just happy? And he was like, what? And it was, I think most people, or many people don't realize they have permission to be happy where they are. And I know you and I have talked about this at length, but it's something that is. You know, the delayed gratification is important. You've like, sometimes if you wanna like get healthy, you've gotta eat your vegetables. You can't eat chocolate all the time. You've gotta go for a run. You can't sit on the sofa all the time, blah, blah, blah. Everyone knows that. But actually enjoying it is the biggest challenge, I think. But also that's where the joy is maybe.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think a lot of us are so externally driven. Again, this is why I do a lot of work with plants and I do a lot of work with consciousness shifting plants because you can catch yourself and we all do this multiple times a day in a tailspin, and if you ever just stop, it's like, what am I panicking about? I have to do this by this tech. Why? Who told you, and then that's when you start to decide what happens if I don't do this? We don't do that. We get driven out of this conditioning that you're gonna fall behind, you're gonna end up in a gutter, everyone's gonna hate you, blah, blah, blah. So you just start panicking and doing things that, a reaction. And so, you know, it's this whole, it's the whole idea of retirement.
Speaker 2:You
Speaker 5:save being happy for when you've achieved all the stuff,
Speaker 2:which is interesting.
Speaker 5:People
Speaker 3:don't think, and a lot of people who have like existential crises, something has to happen to make them go. I can't keep putting stuff off because I may not actually wake up tomorrow. And I think a lot of us, you literally forget that until something happens and you're like, oh yeah, people just don't wake up the next day.
Speaker:It's not guaranteed. Right. And this is something that I'm. I find fascinating. You know, I, I spoke to someone the other day who said they were gonna work really, really, really hard until they were 50 and then they were gonna stop and they were gonna retire. And I thought, oh, it's a really noble idea, but what happens if you don't make 50? I just, there's a, a real risk with putting it off to tomorrow that tomorrow doesn't come.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And I think, I mean, I don't have kids, but I think a lot of people with kids. Strive to give their children what they didn't have. And you actually get quite tunnel fission by that because I see that, that when I think, oh, if I have a child, I'm like, well, I'm gonna do this, this, and this, because the opposite of what my parents did. And that drove me mad. And I feel like that can consume you. And if the child may not want a hundred material possessions, they might actually just want it physically. See you. And it doesn't occur to you'cause you are like, you're being driven by your demons essentially. Yeah. So that clouds the judgment. And it's not just children, it's with ev. You know, when I talked about my 15 year scramble, it's only having time to think. And I was like, what's driving you? Oh, it's this idea that you have to prove you did something even better than being a doctor. Do you think anyone who told you. You've made a mistake, remembers you all cares. I'm like, no. That was 10, 15 years ago. No one cares. So then where are you going so fast? And that's when it had to be like nowhere. Okay, so now what do you want? And that's when I'm like, oh, okay. I think I actually just wanna be happy. What does that look like? And that's the kind of self-reflection, self inquiry you have to have with yourself. And if you don't, it goes back to the Australia thing. You just go around in circles and it's so game changing. When you sit down and you say to yourself, what do I want to do? Not What do I think everyone else wants me to do? Because literally no one is thinking about you, which is a blessing.
Speaker 2:Yeah. But most of us don't realize that.
Speaker:Yeah. Um, let's talk about the plants. I know you talked about consciousness shifting plants. How can plants help that sort of, that moment of reflection is, is there anything in that or is that, is it just you have to just do the work?
Speaker 3:I think everyone has to find their own modality. We all know some people who love yoga. That's the thing. I never got on with yoga. I'm actually a trained yoga teacher. I never got on with yoga. Some people have meditation, which I do to an extent. Some people love to walk for out, whatever it is, but you find your thing that pushed you into a state that you can just relax. You know? It's that. It's that flow state where you move into a high level of consciousness. For me, plants are a bit of a cheat. Because if you take the right ones, they'll move you that way. And I'm not talking about going and taking, you know, hallucinogens. I'm talking about everyday plants that you have access to. Things like mug war, things like passion flower, that if you work with them intentionally, you'll actually notice. I feel a bit different. Oh, my mind feels a bit more quiet. You woke us up like a cow on a regular basis, especially I bang on about this high trip to meet cow that I sell. Um. And it literally changes pathways in your brain. It works from a serotonin receptor that helps really start restructuring the way your nerve cells talk to each other. So you give yourself this newfound space.'cause that's what it's about. Space to go. Do I even like, you know, you have chicken and broccoli every night. Do I bite chicken and broccoli things? You start asking yourself, oh well I have it to be healthy. Do I feel healthier after eating it for three years and like it just never occurs to you. But suddenly these things start happening and people around you are like, you're being weird. And you are like, no, I'm just, there's just space between life and me. I'm observing more. So yeah, for me, planter a sneaky way to do that. Especially if you're so who's like, I can't meditate, I hate yoga. I get You don't wanna do it that way. Then you can come in with plants.
Speaker:Yeah. I think there's also something that you just said there that's really important that when you start to change, then the people around you freak out and they're like, oh God. Because you no longer fit the mold of what they expect from you anymore. And then because ultimately we're all thinking about ourselves, right? So they're then like if you are changing, then should I ch like the chicken and broccoli example's a good one. If you're not gonna eat chicken and broccoli anymore, should I not eat chicken and broccoli anymore? Oh my like, and it's really. Interesting when you ground yourself in your own reality and you don't let the noise jump outside in, I guess, and it's, it's a hard thing to do, like it's a really hard thing to do. But I'm curious to know like what that might have looked like for you.'cause you've been through sort of multiple iterations and how you've managed to stay the course and, and stay, you know, focusing on Australia.
Speaker 3:I mean, I've only started focusing on Australia in the last couple of years. Before that I was, and that's why I actually especially don't like doing things like this.'cause I'm like, oh, I'm gonna see this in a year and I'm gonna disagree with everything I've said. Life's a constant iteration, as you were saying. And I think the people who come to you and say, I have the answer, like they're the ones that I'm scared of.'cause I'm like the fact you are like, I'm enlightened. I know it all. Really worries me because the more I delve into this area, I'm like, every year I'm like, oh, you know nothing. I dunno if I've told you the story about, I'll call him a shaman. I don't mean like calling people a shamans, but we'll call this guy Shaman Hawaii that I worked with three years ago, and every year I message him, be like, I've got the answer now. Like I've had an epiphany. And then the next year I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. Now I've got, and I just see him like laughing at me like. Every year she thinks she's got the answer. So now I'm just like, I know nothing, but I'm really excited about this new revelation I've got. Again, I've gone on a tangent.
Speaker:No, but I think that is wisdom people tangent, right? Like that is Wi Wis. I think wisdom is knowing you know, nothing
Speaker 3:and knowing that for me it's knowing that you're not supposed to know anything. I think people get. Again, I've been in the wellness space, I've moved to the spiritual space. I've taken a step back because I'm in this whole, I don't know anything and I don't think I'm supposed to know anything. I don't really wanna be coerced by other people who, who are under the belief that enlightenment is the goal. Um, because I believe we're all enlightened. I believe all your came from this and enlightened universal consciousness state. And I give the analogy about like going to watch a film at a, you know, theater, theater sold fashion cinema. And you go for this escape and you're going to have the experience. You don't go into say, right, and everybody, I'm gonna tell you how this is not real. That is not Ryan Goslin really in front of you. It's a projection and this like, what are you doing? Like you are ruining the experience. I feel like that's the same as being a human. We're in here, we're having all the stuff. I'm just like, do I really need to be like, this is where I came from and look, I'm so enlightened. I get to go back there when I die. I came here to have the experience. My focus now is just, just gonna have the experience. I'm not trying to prove what I know. I'm not trying to get you to believe what I, I don't care. I just, as you said, I wanna be happy. Again, I haven't asked your question. No,
Speaker:but well, firstly, I just need to address the, the fact that you don't like doing things like this. So thank you for doing it. I do appreciate it. Hopefully you won't listen back to it in a year's time and think, dear God, this is, this is the worst decision ever I think. The, the movie and it's a, yeah, the movie thing is a good reference. Right? Because I think, I love the, the, what they call it, the suspension of disbelief. Exactly. That you have to employ when you watch a film or you read a book or whatever. And most people can do that. Most people can enjoy a film or they can enjoy a book or, or whatever else, and they can go, yeah, cool. I know that. You know, Jennifer Aniston is not really called Rachel, and she didn't really marry Ross or whatever. That's a friend's reference for anyone i's I'm that old who've got that. We've gone there. This is where I get canceled because I've talked about friends. Oh, well, SOLs, but to actually employ it in their own lives because it's like, well, but no, like that won't happen. And I think this is something that. You and I have constantly been working on, and you just being like, but you don't know that won't happen or you don't know that will happen.'cause I tend to talk in absolutes. I'll be like, well if this happens, then blah. And I think that's been a real eye-opener through the work we've done together. But I think it's also something that no one really thinks about, that they have permission to suspend the disbelief in their own lives.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I didn't ask a
Speaker:question again,
Speaker 3:but Yeah, you didn't, but you know, I talk about this a lot that it's the phrase I say and I sound like an idiot. When I say, when I'm like, oh, I'm magical, and people are like, but even I think I've told you even now my mom's like, this isn't my most magical child because I will just say, yeah, this is gonna happen, and then it'll happen. She's like, how'd you do that? I'm like, and it, it then becomes a game. I'm not saying, I'm like, I won a million pounds and a million pounds of peers, but do you know what I mean? Yeah. It's little things where you just, you make a flipper comment like. I want someone to pay for my flight to Italy, and then they do. And I'm just like, someone just pay for my flight. And like, how's that? I'm like, you just try. And that. I think that has also been the reason why I've been able to change careers a lot, move around a lot, like live in different places. I'm like, I'm renowned for just going, gonna go to Timbuktu for a week. I was like, why? It just came to me in a vision. Whatcha doing there? I was like, I'll find out when I get there because I know there's this adventure to be had if you open yourself up as opposed to someone who's like. How do we do that? It's getting close to winter. There's flu around and there's COVID around. This is ma like, I'm like, why don't you just look at what could possibly go? Right? Instead of getting obsessed with what could go wrong. Just an idea. I dunno. I have nothing else to say on that.
Speaker:No, but I think it's so true, like we don't tend to play fair with life. We focus so much on the disbenefits and we don't look at the benefits, but they're always equal. Like you, you won't have a drawback unless you have a, a good thing that, and I think. It's like we're all obsessed with fairness. So let's all start playing fair with life. And you know, just on the being magic thing, a friend actually sent me a video today of Steven Spielberg giving a speech, I dunno where it was about listening to the Inner Whisper Whisperer. And he was saying that he just always encourages his kids to listen to that inner whisper because that's like the true, you and everyone has that inner whisper, but actually. Training yourself to listen to it and also to your point earlier, to get quiet enough so you can actually hear it where you're not being blasted by Instagram or TikTok or television or, or whatever else is quite unique, I think. Um, and so maybe that's where also where the plants can come in and just Yeah, get quiet and it's.
Speaker 3:Prioritizing that.'cause that's a big thing. I was someone who used to say, I'm too busy to meditate. That's how I got into meditation and that's, I actually went and trained to be a Vedic meditation teacher to teach myself that lesson. Like the fact you think you are too busy means this is what you need to do. And even now when I'm flapping, I'm just. You're just gonna go sit quietly for a little while because you can't control the, you think you can control the situation where there are a hundred variables. You can't. What you can do is calm yourself down a little bit and wait, I was watching this the other day and someone said that just waiting. And they're so right. Like waiting is the secret source of life, something bad will happen and then you just wait and then it comes back around again and it's fine. Like you just have to learn to wait and not interfere. And for me that's, yeah, that's been aem. Instead of trying to do, just being more and just like trusting, just the balance of life is that what goes up must come down. So just start waiting a little bit more and trust that nothing bad is gonna happen because you are not taking action. And if you do think that, remind yourself of all the times you took action and went nowhere. That's something that really stops me when I'm like, remember how you spent the last week doing this huge campaign that nothing happened with? So what's gonna happen if you do nothing today?
Speaker:Yeah. By the way, the reason I laugh when you said you went to try and be a, to be a a meditation teacher is because we are quite similar. Like when I'm like, I need to know about this, and I will go and like do a course on it rather than just like, you know, I'll just meditate.
Speaker 3:The fun story with that though is I didn't know I was doing teacher training. I thought I was doing two weeks of evading meditation in India and then at the end he was like. What did he say? And so now you've got into your teacher training and I was like, this is teacher training. It was funniest thing. I was like, okay, well I guess I'm a made meditation t-shirt out. I love that.
Speaker:The control thing. So we've been talking about this a lot and one of the things that's really interesting to me is I really struggle with control and I really struggle with, you know, like planning and, and I love to plan and I need to know where everything is and dah, dah, dah, dah. There's been a really interesting shift in the last couple of weeks because I haven't been putting the podcast out and I haven't really been talking about the podcast and I haven't really been pushing the podcast and people are just still downloading it and I'm like, oh, look at that. Like I'm not, I'm not talking about it. I'm not really mentioned it obviously, like it's still on my Instagram and whatever. And actually it's been such a helpful lesson for me in that like I've done nothing and I think about, I've. Maybe like a hundred downloads, which isn't loads, but like a hundred people have turned up and gone. Yeah, I'll download that. Great. Nice. And so, yeah, I think it's, it's a big retraining for me in you can do nothing and it will be okay. Yeah. But it's the whole productivity bias that I have to let go of.
Speaker 3:Yeah. The resting is also productive. People always figure out, people give that analogy about training your muscles or growing your muscles, like you need that rest day for the full hypertrophy to happen. It's not. Go and tear your muscles. All the, if you do that, you're just enjoying your muscles. Good for you. Yeah. So yeah, the productivity happens when you rest. Same with when you sleep, that's when all your cells get rejuvenated. A lot of detoxify happen. Someone even told me more fat burning happens when you are asleep. So it's just things like that, you know, like, actually, I'm not being lazy. Mm.
Speaker 4:I'm letting the magic happen.
Speaker:I like that. Letting the magic happen, has your definition of
Speaker 3:success changed? I would say yes, but I wouldn't say it's my definition of success has changed. I think what I would say is I now have a definition of success, whereas in the past, I was using other people's definition of success. That's the main difference.
Speaker:Yeah, I like that. I think that's true for most people, but they don't realize it's someone else's definition. What
Speaker 3:challenges have you had to overcome? I mean to someone on the outside, them might say, oh, this has happened. That's happened for me. I just feel like we all have our things that crop up, and I think knowing that really helps move away from victimhood. It's all very controversial when you talk about victimhood.'cause someone will come out and say, oh, you are saying I brought this up? And it's like, no, that's not what we're talking about. I'm talking about really leaning into that and making that define your every being and letting it paralyze you instead of saying, okay, something not good happened. Let's move on. Yeah, I was, it you, I mentioned to the other day that I was sitting down thinking about like, I was bullied at school by my teachers. Not that, yeah, by the student, by the, like there's things I just, and I'm like, you know, I grew up in the north of England. I obviously came over, I had a Nigerian accent, accent. I was black, I was racially insulted, abused. I was followed in shops'cause I thought I was, A lot of stuff has happened, but I don't sit down and say, oh my God, this is a challenge. It doesn't feel unique to me. And it also feels like it's part of my story. Mm. It's all important. It's all happened to lead me to where I am. You know, I haven't been tortured and locked in a chamber, so I'm like, everything else that's happened, it's just alright. That wasn't fun. I've had people scam, even me just trying to trade, scam a ton of money from me. I always tell people story about how I got a job in Bali and hours before I was meant to move. They pull the job, they kept all the money for the visas, the work permit, like so many weird things have happened. I'm just like, so challenges, yes, but they've all been blessings. Even that Bley shenanigan led me to go to Costa Rica, which is where I had my big cacao experience, and that's what made me start it within. So when I look back at it, I'm not thrilled with the way I was treated, but I'm just like, you know, I needed such an extreme experience to take me somewhere else. I would never have gone to Costa Rica if that hadn't happened. So I don't, don't lean into challenges.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I've had health issues. All sorts has happened, but I've just, yeah. I don't let them def define me and I don't use them to say, look how, you know, look at me. I've overcome. It's just like we all have stuff to overcome and I'm not. Do not to put on the question. I'm saying that's a big thing for me in society. I would love other people to have an awareness that everyone is struggling with stuff and even if you look at their stuff and you think it's tiny, they don't. So we're all struggling. So it's not helpful to put your struggle above someone else's and say, I need concessions'cause I'm having these, we're all having struggles. Just some of us are a lot less vocal about it than others, so, yeah. I think that might piss some people off, but that's just, how about Well, that's what we're here for.
Speaker:So great. I love pissing people off. I'm already getting canceled. I talked about friends. Everyone hates friends. Have you always taken that view or has, was there like a wake up call when you were like, actually, like this is, it's not happening to me. It's happening for me, because that's what I'm hearing.
Speaker 3:Mean, okay. That's what you're hearing. I'm hearing there's a lot of stoicism and I think that comes from my dad. I think being my, you know, like when I look at what he's done, I'm actually in awe of him. He can't take comfort if I try and tell him like, well done. He's always like, shut up. Um, and like, you've moved like your entire family from a village that doesn't have like proper electricity. You brought yourself over to the uk. You've had to reload to drive. He was almost a consultant in Nigeria. When he came here. He had to go, he's a doctor, sorry, he has to go back down to the very bottom and retrain. He had to sit a ton of exams to prove he could speak English competently. He could practice comp like he just did a lot and he just keeps going and he says nothing. And to be honest, a lot of people like harassing. For stuff, you know, not just immediate family but extent.'cause that's how it is in Nigerian culture. You've got all these extended families and now he's the oldest. He was actually the youngest of 13 boys, but now everyone's died. Essentially. He's got the burden of like everyone's extended family. So there's cousins and nephews and niece and everyone wants peace.'em and he just keeps going. And I think I have seen that and I've adopted that, that just keep going. He had polio. He doesn't want tell his life story, but he had polio when he was a child. So he's got like muscle wasting issues from that. He just keeps, like if someone says,'cause he walks with a limp and if someone says to him, wants a limp back, he's just like, he's no injury. He doesn't like roll over and say, oh my God, look everyone, look at all like, so I've just taken that on board, the same thing. He sounds amazing. Well, so he can't take a compliment. We tried to organize this with a price party for 70th and he found out and he went and started like buying stuff for it and we were like, can you just let people like do something good for you? Yeah.
Speaker:Oh well he sounds incredible. Well done him, even though he doesn't like the The well done, he doesn't like the ERs, but we him never see this applauded him in absentia. There we go. Yes. What advice would you give your
Speaker 4:younger self? It changes every day. I
Speaker 2:would
Speaker 4:probably say
Speaker 2:just to have more fun. Yeah.
Speaker 5:I spend a lot of time studying. And reading books and trying to prove something instead of having fun. So yeah. Great
Speaker:fun has actually been a theme of the last few days, so, um, it's, it's come up a lot on this podcast recently. Yeah. Yeah. I think just, I think it can be really easy to forget to have fun, and it kind of comes back to that whole delay gratification thing again. We're all told we've got to work and do the thing, but actually, like trying to have fun along the way is, uh, it's important. And what permission do you want to give others through your story?
Speaker 3:Do what you want, like, you know, you best. Again, a big thing I say, especially with eight within, is you are your own guru. Mm. Don't let anybody try and tell you what you should be doing and try and tell you, come with me and I'll save you any, the phrase, working on yourself is such a trigger for me. The minute I hear that, I'm always like. To whoever's saying it to the person. Yeah. Like, you are fine as you are. Like, the only problem is people trying to get you to think there's something wrong with you so you can buy their stuff. Yeah. Or so they can feel better about themselves. You're fine. And the minute you accept yourself as you are, your life is gonna change.
Speaker:I really like that. I think there's a big, particularly at the moment, and it's a real, I know we've talked about this quite a bit, but it's a real, um. It's real movement at the moment on Instagram, but everyone's a fucking coach and everyone is telling you they can fix this and fix that and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And it really winds me up. Uh, and it's just not very nice.'cause ul ultimately everyone's grand, like no one needs fixing. They're all okay. So, yeah. I'm with you. Yeah.
Speaker 3:I think people think there's a problem. Yeah. And I, I don't think everyone's running around coaching deceptively. They think there's something to fix, but I'm like, if you actually just stand back. We're all making fake problems. You feel bad'cause that person thinks that about you. If they just mind their business, you mind yours, guess what? That problem goes away. We don't all need to go have hours and hours of self-development. I don't think there's anything wrong with self-exploration and learning more about yourself and what your Australia is and what drives you, but that's very different too. Flawed in some way. If I can just stop being, you know. Someone who likes things tidy. If I can just stop being so messy, it's if there's, if you have, for me, it's, if you have something that you don't like and it's upsetting your quality of life, then you can work on that because you're doing it for you. If it's something that someone else is saying you shouldn't be doing that they need to go work on their obsession with what you are doing because you don't have the problem. Like you are fine. If you are messy and you are fine being messy, you don't have the problem. The person who doesn't like your mess has the problem. They need to go figure out how to be okay with someone else's mess, not force you to not be messy. That's madness like that. A lot of relationships break down because of this. The person doesn't understand, like stay in your lane and just accept that person's stuff. Anyway, that's just me.
Speaker:Yeah, I think as soon as you, um. Except that you're not gonna change anyone else, then you're gonna be a whole
Speaker 2:lot happier. Right. Are you ready for quick fire? Okay. One word to describe your current relationship with Success Flux. Your non-negotiable boundary that protects you from burnout. S. Sleep. Complete this. You have permission to. Do whatever you want. What does
Speaker:rest look like for you? Sorry. One thing you wish more people knew about building a sustainable career.
Speaker 4:There's no shortcuts. There's no shortcuts. There's no 1 million in one hour. None of that.
Speaker:Yeah, I like that. The success metric that matters to you most right now. Happiness And what makes you
Speaker 2:make, what makes you feel most successful as fuck. Doing whatever the hell I want. I love that. Thank you. Thanks so much.
Speaker:I think one of my, one of the things that really drew me to eight within, and you said it a minute ago, was like your ethos around you are your own guru and just the, the lack of. Ceremony and flowers in one's hair that are around, you know, you can, you are allowed to drink cacao with sugar or milk or whatever because ultimately you can do whatever you want. And I'm really grateful for the work that we've done together because it's really strengthened my resolve in that capacity. There's still work to do. I know. I'm not, I'm not working on myself. I knew you said waiting, working. Just doing more self-exploration. That's all with the help of some cacao. But yeah, I'm really grateful. So tell us where we find you. I'll link it all in the show notes, but tell us where we find you, how we find your cacao, what you've got coming up.
Speaker 3:It's just eight within dot com's, a website and eight within AT eight within Instagram's domain. I did TikTok for a while, but I don't wanna jump through TikTok hoops. So within on Instagram.
Speaker:Thank you so much, Ifey.
Speaker 4:You're welcome. Thanks for having.
Speaker:Thank you so much for listening today and a huge thanks to Ifey for sharing her story with us. Ifey's honesty about her journey really struck me, particularly that moment she realized she was only trying to prove something to people who didn't even remember her anymore. I love her Australian analogy. Finding your direction in life rather than just reacting to what comes your way is truly transformative. And her reminder that we're all making fake problems. That if we just stood back and minded our own business, half our stress would disappear. And that is wisdom we could all use Ifey's perspective on working on yourself versus self exploration really resonated with me. The idea that you're fine as you are, that the only problem is people trying to convince you that something's wrong so they can sell you the fix that's powerful and a reminder that you need to find what you want, not what everyone else wants for you, because literally no one is thinking about you anyway, that's both liberating and absolutely true. The biggest takeaway for me is Ifey's commitment to having fun and doing whatever the hell she wants. That level of self permission combined with her deep wisdom about plants, consciousness, and the human body is what makes her definition of success so compelling. She's proof that you can redefine success completely on your own terms. If you are a high achieving woman who's tired of burning out, to prove yourself, I can help. I work with clients one-on-one and run workshops on sustainable success and leadership. You can find me on instagram@kalicoaching.co or at kalicoaching.co. Uk ready to define what success means for you. Let's talk if this week's episode of successful AF has resonated. If this week's episode of Successful AF has resonated with you, I want to hear about it, drop me a line at successful AF pod@gmail.com. I am always looking for inspirational people to join me on the pod, so if you know someone you think would be great, nominate them or yourself at successful AF pod@gmail.com. Also, please do like and subscribe. It really does help and I appreciate you being here. See you next time.