You Can't Bubble Bath Your Way Out of Burnout

Another solo one, and this time I'm getting into something I talk about all the time in my coaching but haven't really unpacked on the pod: burnout isn't a bubble bath problem. It's a nervous system issue. It's a belief system issue. And no amount of journaling, breathwork or gong baths is going to fix it if the thing underneath — the constant performing, the chasing of a version of success you never actually chose — doesn't change.

I share my own story (hello, optimising-to-the-max era, habit trackers and all) and the moment lockdown forced me to stop and realise I had no idea how to climb back down the mountain.

Then a few questions I want to leave you with: When did you last feel peace? Joy? Free? And what were you doing?

Because how you live your days is how you live your life. Kudos if the fast cars and designer whatever is genuinely what you want — but if it isn't, consider this your invitation to reevaluate.

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Connect with Jess:

Instagram: @kalicoaching.co

Website: www.kalicoaching.co.uk

Transcript

Speaker 0:00

Hello, and welcome to Successful AF. You absolutely cannot bubble bath your way out of burnout. I am also on camera today, and my house is a mess, and I'm a mess, and I actually think that's kind of the whole point today. I've been thinking a lot recently about self-care and what that means, and There is like a, a rising movement, that is starting to talk about this, and I'm really pleased about it. And, you know, I think there's, like, lots of different types of rest, and I think that's important as well because, you know, we often see rest as, like, scrolling, watching TV, and that to me is not restful. And I know for a lot of people that's not restful. And I know that, you know, that, so the whole blue screen, massively activating, um, it- it's not good for you. But yet that's kind of what we've been told. And actually rest can look like going for a walk. It can look like spending time with friends. It can look like reading a book by yourself. And sometimes it can look like scrolling mindlessly or watching shit TV. But I think what's really important is looking at the driver for the behavior, and this is kind of, it's not really something we've managed to get into on the pod. And I wanted to talk about it 'cause I talk about it quite a lot in my coaching. And, you know- Burnout is a nervous system issue. It's a belief system issue. And it's not gonna necessarily be solved by journaling and yoga and Dare I say it, breathwork or cold plunges. Because often you end up in burnout because you are trying so hard to prove that you can. Maybe I'll just give an example from my own sort of space 'cause I think it's only fair. Um, so there was a point roundabout, um, COVID and I was-- oh my God, I was optimizing to the max. I had a habits tracker. I had an Apple Watch. I was counting my macros. I was working out every morning. I was pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing and it was-- And I was going out every night. I was seeing my friends. I was doing all the things that, at the time I was in my early 30s, that I was supposed to be doing. I was living in London. I was having a really nice time, but I was tired all the time. And, I would push through. I don't drink coffee but, I would like use sugar and I would, use food actually, if I'm really honest, to get me through and I would throw a lot of money at self-care, um, which often are like a gong bath. But I didn't change my behaviors. I didn't change the getting up at 5:30, going to bed at 11:00 a- 11:00 PM. The constantly on, the constantly performing actually, if I'm really honest. And when lockdown happened, I Stopped? And I didn't really know what to do with myself. I'd been in this hypervigilant, over-performing state for as long as I could remember And I almost didn't know how to climb back down that mountain. Burnout doesn't... Like, it creeps up on you. It creeps up on you and it doesn't, it, it takes a while to notice, and sometimes you don't notice. It's only when something happens, like for me it was COVID and the enforced stopping, that you're like, "Shit, how did I get here?" And, I talked about it in the past solo episode, but We are societally primed to chase this version of success that looks like money and big houses and fast car- and designer whatever and da, da, da, da, da. And, like, kudos if that's what you want. But if you haven't consciously chosen that, and you're just chasing it because that's what you were told you should chase Then maybe this is an invitation to reevaluate Because I really believe that we are facing into a burnout epidemic and some of us are pushing even harder are trying to prove our worth But without knowing what our own values are, what peace looks like for us And I guess that's my invitation today. It's to Stop for a second And ooh. To Consider when was the last time you felt peace? When was the last time you felt unbridled joy? When was the last time You felt free And what were you doing in those moments? And I imagine they were really small moments, and and I imagine when I listen back to it, it's gonna be really confronting for me too. There's the, the saying, and it drives me mad, but it's so true, how you live your days is how you live your life. And so the big fancy holiday and, buying the designer handbag is not happening every day. And if you're trudging into a job that you hate every single day, what changes can you make? And it might be small changes. It might be that you can't change the job for now for whatever reason, but what can you do around it or how can you change your mindset or, you know- How can you bring more peace? And I suspect that peace is not at the bottom of a bubble bath. If you were living your life at 110 miles an hour and having a bubble bath once a week, I'm gonna guess it's probably not enough. And there's only so long you can spend in that water before you go all pruney. So those are my thoughts. I will leave it there. Um, a quick one again from me, but I'd love to hear from you. Um, and I will see you next time. Thanks so much for popping in.