Snitchin
Tired of the daily grind and endless, unattainable influencer posts? Welcome to Snitchin, the podcast for the everyday woman. Take a break from your day and join two best friends as they get real about life, learn about new things, laugh, and build a community where everyone has a story to share. Reach out to us at snitchinpod@gmail.com - we would love to hear from you!
Snitchin
Episode 46: The One Where We Talk Mental Health Talk with Laura
We dive deep into mental health with registered therapist Laura, exploring everything from couples therapy to parenting strategies and personal wellbeing practices.
• Communication is the #1 issue couples cite when seeking therapy, often masking deeper problems
• John Gottman's "Four Horsemen" theory identifies criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling as relationship killers
• Using "I statements" instead of accusatory language creates safer spaces for difficult conversations
• Parents can help children develop emotional intelligence by modeling awareness of their own feelings
• Finding personalized self-care practices and implementing them in small, consistent doses is more effective than following generic advice
• Human-to-human therapy provides relational healing that AI therapy tools cannot replicate
• Any significant change in someone's baseline behavior for more than two weeks may warrant a compassionate check-in
• Mental health is now more widely discussed and normalized, especially among younger generations
Learn more about the "Four Horseman" here
Check out Laura's "Grounds for Growth" series and other mental health content on TikTok
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Listen to our Taylor Draft Playlist!
Reach out to us! snitchinpod@gmail.com
Ready, ready. Hey, everyone, welcome back to the latest episode of Snitchin'. It's your host, kristen and Brittany. Get ready for the best part of your day and we are so excited to have our friend Laura on. Laura is a registered mental health therapist and she is here to talk to us about all things mental health. She works a lot with couples. We're going to hear about her experience with that. Things that people are fighting about, tips for just improving your overall wellbeing and, yeah, we are just so excited to have her. Things that you can do if you notice someone's struggling. It's going to be a great episode. Laura, how are you feeling about coming on the pod?
Speaker 3:I'm so excited. I've obviously been a snitch since the jump, so I'm really excited to be here. I like it feels surreal. It's like my favorite podcast, so I'm happy. Yay, oh my god, oh my god.
Speaker 2:Shouldn't have told us that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I mean.
Speaker 2:Straight to the head yeah, but yeah no. So Laura is also a huge Taylor fan, big swifty, just like us, and I was just telling these guys that I literally just saw an article. I mean it seems like the rumors of them getting married in Rhode Island are true.
Speaker 3:Did it say when?
Speaker 2:No, ish, no, it just said that it's going to be small, like they think. It's going to be private, not have a ton of celebrities and random people. That's what it said.
Speaker 3:I thought we would be keeping our pulse on the ocean house reservations because we get like a little bird's eye view from the hotel wait, yeah, because you've been there, right.
Speaker 2:I've never been to watch hill brit.
Speaker 3:The room that we had the window was directly her like. All we could see was her house, like it was, she was like I'm not leaving. Kansas City for that weekend. But it was so cool and you can walk right up to the gate. You can feel like you're her friend and walk oh my god like, oh, I'm just dropping off. You know my sourdough starter for Taylor we're basically invited to the wedding, exactly.
Speaker 2:I wonder, like, how that works, if they would have to like keep that under wraps, like the hotel, or if I don't know the Swifties will figure it out.
Speaker 3:I saw an article that Selena just rented out the entire hotel for her wedding for like family and friends, so I wonder if they'll do that too. I bet she'd do that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, should do that, yeah, yeah. But it's also said that, like every major designer is offering to design her wedding dress, she's probably gonna have multiple outfits.
Speaker 3:I can't even imagine. I saw rumors, obviously that travis like pre-game. He's been in suits the past couple of times he's been seen, so the rumor, the chat, was that he's trying out designers like to see oh he's like wearing suits to games to see what designer maybe gets him the most comments. Wow, like he looks great in that.
Speaker 2:I think I would literally cut off my arm to go to that wedding.
Speaker 3:I saw another thing, that it was a would you rather kind of thing and it was like for would you rather a million dollars, an invitation to Taylor's wedding or something else? And I was like I don't even need to read the rest.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, the first one, can you imagine? No, yeah, no, no.
Speaker 3:I wish I'd be televised their first dance song. I feel like to have Taylor Swift's first dance song is such an honor.
Speaker 1:No, Wow, Laura, that is a great take. What is her first dance song going to be? Or you know the song that she dances to Scott with.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, what if it's like an oldie, like never grow up, can you imagine?
Speaker 2:I wonder who her maid of honor is going to be Like. Imagine the pressure to do that speech.
Speaker 1:I really think it's her mom.
Speaker 3:Oh, that'd be so nice yeah.
Speaker 1:I could see that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, me too.
Speaker 1:I mean, I feel like that really is like her number one girl, like I feel like Serlina or Abigail would be the contenders for her friends.
Speaker 2:Yeah, true, yeah, I feel like that girl, ashley, is kind of a sleeper too, though she.
Speaker 3:Yeah, true, yeah, I feel like that girl. Ashley is kind of a sleeper too, though, she's everywhere.
Speaker 2:Is that the one? Oh no, the one Taylor was her made of on. Her name was Brittany, I think.
Speaker 1:Yeah, brittany's, like her childhood friend, ashley, is like a marketing professional.
Speaker 3:She's been at the games. She has like a short, straight blonde bob.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I want to be Ashley. Why can't I be Ashley?
Speaker 1:No, ashley is kind of like. Has it made like she's in Taylor's orbit? She's always like in the celebrity's orbit, but she's not really famous herself, which is kind of ideal.
Speaker 3:I follow her on Instagram and after the new heights podcast she posted like a bread bag and it obviously was from Taylor, had all of her handwriting and cat stickers and it was like her best loaf yet like she got a loaf, I know that's how you know you're like in the orbit is if you get a loaf well, when we watched the pod and she was like, yeah, I'm like sending them to my friends, I was like how do I get on that list?
Speaker 2:no facts. Like you think, your friends, I die for you.
Speaker 1:Taylor, send me some sour bread taylor, I would legit take a bullet for you, taylor, I would legit take a bullet for you.
Speaker 3:I know those are going to be on eBay someday, like moldy hundred-year-old Taylor Swift loaves.
Speaker 2:You're a pretty good sourdough maker. Though I saw your Instagram, I was like whoa impressive.
Speaker 3:I am, yeah, we've got one in the fridge cold proofing right now. Happy to share starter if you are interested in joining along.
Speaker 1:What would you say for like a new sourdough person? What's like your number one tip.
Speaker 3:Number one tip, maybe so that you don't drive yourself like up the wall. It's not. I always remind myself like cave people started this, so it doesn't have to be like when I set the timer for 30 minutes stretch and folds. If it's like 29 minutes and 30 seconds, I feel like I have to wait the 30 seconds, but like people did this literally in caves.
Speaker 2:That's my rule of thumb with parenting too. People did this 200 years ago. I'm sure it's fine. I love that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, kids are like sourdough bread.
Speaker 2:I know nothing about making sourdough.
Speaker 3:It's a lot of fun. It is very time consuming, like sourdough bread. I know nothing about making sourdough, so it's a lot of fun. It's a it is very time consuming. The process to like to make one loaf of bread can take like up to three days, depending on how sour you want it Wow. But it's there's obviously like quick, shortcut recipes, but a real solid loaf takes like two to three days.
Speaker 2:I am not going to lie, though. I feel like the like variations that Taylor was mentioning on the podcast didn't sound that good Like. Would those be good Like funfetti?
Speaker 3:I did try funfetti after the podcast, obviously, and I used the wrong sprinkles, I think, because the sprinkles all bled and I literally got blue bread.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:It was not cute.
Speaker 2:Kids probably loved it, though.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it was good. I did funfetti white chocolate chip so it tasted really good, but I was totally thrown by the blue bread.
Speaker 1:I wonder if she's going to make like sourdough for her wedding.
Speaker 3:Little Loaves as favorite. Oh yeah, that would be so cute.
Speaker 2:Yeah, with like a handwritten note or something. Yes, says favorite. Oh, yeah, that would be so cute. Yeah, with like a handwritten note or something. Yes, um, all right, but anyway, should we get into talking about the mental health stuff? Yes, please, we're so excited. This is something that I feel like krista and I are super passionate about and it's something we want to bring on the pod, and we're excited to have an expert, because we're not experts. Um so, yeah, let's get into it. Um, um so yeah. So, like Krista mentioned, I know like couples therapy is a big uh focus for you. So, like, I would just love to hear about, like, what are, like some of the things you see with with when working with couples. Like what are people fighting about? And like what's the advice you give?
Speaker 3:I love couples counseling. I really do. I'll say generally, more often than not, if I get an inquiry for couples counseling, it is I don't have the true stats, but I'm going to say 99.999999%. Communication people cite in their inquiry, like we're having trouble with communication. We'd like to work on communication. It's like such a buzzword.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 3:I love doing like consultations, before bringing people in to say like what do you? What is communication to you? Are you having trouble? Verbal communication Is physical communication. An issue Like what does communication even mean To them? It makes sense, but it's different for everybody else. But it's more of like. That is what I see as fractures in people's relationship. They come in wanting to work on communication and it's always like more than that.
Speaker 3:It's like such an iceberg word, like on communication, and then after a couple of sessions you're like, oh, we're just really not hearing each other, like it's not that we can't communicate, we can speak, it's that we're not hearing and listening or sharing what we mean. It's really fascinating.
Speaker 2:Interesting, or could it be like the way that people deliver it, like your tone and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:Everything, Everything. It's like so many people like humans, not just people in therapy, humans often maybe you can relate, I know I can people. They are waiting to say their piece. They're not listening to what someone's saying. They're just I see that finish, so they share. And it's like you didn't even clock anything, that that person was just saying you guys were waiting to speak.
Speaker 1:Honestly, that is like so facts. I do that too.
Speaker 3:If you are doing that constantly in your like primary relationship, it's going to eventually become obvious.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that's a really powerful thing that people aren't even aware of, Just the need to be right. It's so. I feel like it's so universal and it really is why people, you know, listen just to respond but not to like understand. That's a great point.
Speaker 3:Exactly, and it's like do you want the win or do you want the relationship to win in this, in a specific argument, like, are we against each other or are we coming out of this with a solution that works for both of us? So long answer to your question is that, but short answer is definitely people come in wanting to work on communication.
Speaker 1:That just begs the question is there like a topic that you find that comes up more for we were just talking on the pod about how you know, like finances is something that is a really common reason why people break up. So is there any you know common topics that?
Speaker 3:you find people are having a hard time communicating about? Like, parenting, yep, yep, I ask that too. Like, are you seeing struggles with communication in a pattern, or is it just all over the place, and oftentimes it's like specific topics. All over the place, and oftentimes it's like specific topics finances, sex. Other times it's like we just can't land on anything. Like we are speaking two different languages and we don't understand what each other are saying.
Speaker 2:Are there like any qualities of like successful couples that you see, or like anything, i't know?
Speaker 3:good advice for couples yeah, yeah, I love, I have. I pulled it up, um, and I recommend your listeners to do like a little google search this kind of couples daddy, his name is John Gottman. He founded I don't know, created this theory I guess called the four horsemen. What I love about the four horsemen is they come with antidotes. So they are the four horsemen are behaviors that can damage a relationship and he found that these four are the most kind of prominent. So, for example, I have it pulled up here to save your listeners a Google.
Speaker 3:But criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling and those are tendencies that people can, in couples, fall back on, things like blaming other people or showing hostility or disgust towards your significant other, deflecting responsibility. But why I like that is they have antidotes. So if you are somebody who falls on defensiveness, it has almost like a mental medication of the antidote to that is taking responsibility. So if you're somebody who falls on defensive tendencies, how you can mitigate that is to own up to your behavior without blaming others. Like each of his four horsemen has something to go against it.
Speaker 2:Oh, interesting.
Speaker 3:It's really cool. You know, if you identify with one of the four horsemen, your personal work is to do the antidote in your relationship, to mitigate or to lessen. You know the damage that's done by those and they're there because they're common. You know people do them, um, so I feel like people who do their own work and bring that to the relationship are more likely to be understanding and compassionate and want the relationship to succeed. Yeah, I feel like we I talk a lot in counseling about it's like you are two people with two separate upbringings, two separate world views, two separate everything, until you then share a space and become one, so you having compassion and understanding for why your person is the way they are and how they can best function, and you can best function in one dynamic. It's overwhelming, so to be able to learn patterns, learn behaviors and ways to work as one serves people best, I feel.
Speaker 1:What's stonewalling?
Speaker 2:Stonewalling is. I'm a stonewaller. I looked it up. I'm a stonewaller.
Speaker 3:Stonewalling is like cold turkey cut you off. Silent treatment yes.
Speaker 2:Like withdrawals.
Speaker 1:Just don't talk to me yeah, no. I'm a stonewaller. 1,000. Yeah, which is like understandable. I crush the silent treatment. I love a cold shoulder.
Speaker 3:Yes, sometimes I feel like the cold shoulder or the stonewalling it can come out of, like being completely overwhelmed and not knowing even where to start.
Speaker 2:So you're like that's how I, that's me.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm just going to throw my hands up and like back off completely because this is too much for me to even like begin with. Like never go to bed angry Girl. I'll go to bed angry first.
Speaker 2:Yeah, just once. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've gone to bat angry For sure.
Speaker 3:But it's cool because if you look it up there's ways and some of them you know they're a little general Like. If you're feeling like stonewalling and you read the antidote is to use relaxation techniques, you're going to be like, no, I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 2:Find what works for you with that guidance? Yeah, but yeah, it seems like I mean. The antidote that Google is giving me is practice self-soothing. When you feel overwhelmed, take a 20 to 30 minute break to calm down before returning to the discussion. I feel like that kind of tracks for me.
Speaker 3:Totally, and that gives it a quantifiable amount of time, so you're not going to bed angry Like I need 30 minutes, I need an hour. I need two hours I'm going to go away from this yeah. But it gives you the circle back of like, while I take the space I will be returning to this to fix the fracture, like I'm not just going to leave it unmended which I think is where a lot of damage can be done, you know if you don't do the circle back, do you ever find yourself like psychoanalyzing, like your own life?
Speaker 1:you know what I?
Speaker 2:mean like I feel like I would be like I don't know like I feel like chris would hate it if I was like you're stonewalling me I'm feeling defensive.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's such a good question, I guess. Guess I'm going to answer a question you didn't ask, which is like other people often ask. Are you analyzing me? I'll tell you for me I can't speak for other clinicians, for me, 100% no. Like if I'm not working, I'm not working. Just like people who make slide decks aren't making slide decks on their free time, aren't making slide decks on their free time.
Speaker 3:I can naturally like pick up tendencies and stuff, but I'm not. If I have a conversation with somebody, I'm not like forming a diagnosis in my head. I can't Like it's just not the same thing. It's on apples to apples Myself. Hmm, yeah, I do feel like I have a decent pulse on like I can feel when things are coming up, like if I'm feeling anxious, I'm able to kind of clock it early. It's the same thing Like mechanics still need to get their tires changed, like doctors can get rashes, like stuff can come up for me, but I feel like I have a handle on things that work for me to mitigate that. Like I know things that make me feel better. I love to cook, I love to read, I love like moving my body. So it's cliche, but like having a pretty full toolbox, I think helps me get ahead of anything that I see coming up for myself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I feel like that's a good point about like kind of separating it, like when you're at work. You're at work, and I mean a therapy conversation is an extremely different setting than like talking to someone at a wedding or something, exactly.
Speaker 3:I was purposefully kind of silent not that I have a platform of any kind but silent on that woman, on TikTok, who was like in love with her therapist, or said her therapist was in love with her.
Speaker 1:Oh, I missed that.
Speaker 3:Oh, yeah, it's a big saga and therapists were coming on, tiktok and chiming in, being like I'm not giving my opinion on this because I'm not her therapist, like I don't see her in a clinical setting. I can tell you like, quote, what she has. It's not, yeah, different. When it's not a client therapist relationship, it's inappropriate to be like it's unethical for me to be going around giving people diagnoses who aren't my clients yeah, what about, like I mean kind of to flip up, but maybe not really, but like with parenting?
Speaker 2:like I feel like that's a big thing for millennial parents is like a lot of us weren't brought up to like learning a lot about mental health, so it's like totally sometimes it feels like it's like overkill. Like on Sesame Street, they're like always talking about taking deep breaths and stuff which I'm like oh, this is great. But like I guess, like I don't know how do you approach parenting in a healthy way? And like teach your kids about mental health and emotions.
Speaker 3:Yes, we're big on modeling and I wouldn't even say it's like a conscious choice, like it's not, like Mike and I had a conversation and we're like we're going to model. I just feel like it happens naturally, like all feelings are real, all feelings are valid and if we can be, as parents, open and honest about our feelings, then we can show that that's okay and normal to do. Like I'm so happy to see you, I tripped and I hurt my toe and it makes me sad. Like just throwing feeling labels into normal conversation in front of the kids. Then you hear them saying like oh, I can't do this right now. I'm overwhelmed.
Speaker 3:It's like thank you for sharing your feeling Like as I feel like similar to the circle back in the couple's fracture, like if you can bookend it with an antidote. Like I'm feeling overwhelmed by all of the choices we have in front of us right now. I'm going to move some of them so I can see our options more clearly, Like here's a feeling I'm having and it's creating unrest. How and what can I do about it?
Speaker 1:What can I?
Speaker 3:do about it and how can I do something about it? We are big on mindfulness, too. Without necessarily like we don't call it that we're deep breathing. We're doing like smelling the flowers, blowing out the bubbles to try to get the deep breath, without necessarily saying like we're going to sit in a circle and do deep breathing.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:Being age, appropriately aware of your feelings and kind of labeling them.
Speaker 2:That's true.
Speaker 1:And I can see why that would be so important. To make a kid feel validated in their feelings just by even saying something like that makes total sense. That you would feel scared, like if I was in that situation. I would feel that too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I try, I catch myself. Like the other day something happened and Claire looked to me like she. She was crying and she looked upset, like visibly upset, and instead of saying to her, are you sad or what's making you sad, I stopped myself because I'm still learning and practicing too. I mean, we're all new at this I said oh, claire, how are you feeling? Like. Instead of putting the label sad on her, I, claire, how are you?
Speaker 3:feeling Like instead of putting the label of sad on her. I asked her how she was feeling. She was sad, but instead of me telling her or putting that idea in her head, I wanted her to use, like quote, feeling words to tell me herself how she was feeling. Maybe she was angry, and I cry when I'm angry, so maybe she was angry. So simple, yeah, but it's when I'm angry, so maybe she was angry but so simple.
Speaker 3:Yeah, but it's. It's something I'm working on, like I need to be conscious about it too, and not just kind of like rushing to the feeling or describing it for them.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:So it's something I practice too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's very cool. It's so crazy how kids literally will just like wake up and be sad Like they're just like adults. It's so crazy how kids literally will just like wake up and be sad Like they're just like adults. It validates, like, how you feel as an adult because, like sometimes Connor will just wake up and like be sad or like be in a bad mood for like no reason.
Speaker 2:And it's frustrating because I'm like what's wrong, like how can I help you? Like I want to fix this and like you can't, and they're just like sad and then the next day they're happy, like it's just. It's crazy how like they're like little humans, I mean they are little humans and I feel like they're almost.
Speaker 3:It's kind of a beautiful thing, like they are not conditioned to hide that, like if you, brittany, you, kristen, me wake up, sad, it's like we carry on If kids wake up sad they're like I'm sad, so I'm going to be sad, Like I'm going to show you that I'm sad. They don't know that we've been kind of conditioned to like, not share that. So we can change that narrative early. It's like oh, you're sad today. Can you tell me why you're sad? And, of course, like you said, if there's no reason, then it's hard.
Speaker 1:I say this all the time but, like, obviously you don't want your kids throwing tantrums, but there's a part of me that would just love to be a two or three-year-old and if it's like I'm pissed, I would love just to like kick my feet and scream and just like be pissed. That would be just so liberating.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like the zoo is closed and you're devastated, it like I want. The zoo is a very fun place I'm just as upset, yeah, yeah yeah, my dreams are crushed. Yeah, yeah, it's a, it's real. You know it's nice that. And the flip side of that bread, he's comfortable around you to be that sad, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, in the moment it's tough, but it's like he's having a hard time for whatever reason yeah, it's a roll of cover of emotions, just so, so innate to humans, you know, um, but yeah, what about like kind of on this note, um, I know you have. So you have a pretty big tiktok following um and I love your little. What is, is it? It's called Grounds for Good, the coffee segment.
Speaker 3:Oh, I'm having so much fun with that. Yeah, grounds for Growth. It's a very beneficial or selfish series that I'm doing because I get a really good latte every Friday Love that.
Speaker 2:Oh, I didn't even think of that. Yeah, it's really fun.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I figure you know really fun. Um, yeah, I figure you know like the digital age of therapy. It's if I can make again, it's not like I'm counseling people on the internet, but if you can give quick mental health tips or like validation or reassurance to people who might not have access to traditional therapy, why not?
Speaker 2:yeah, yeah, and I feel like that's less intimidating too, because some people still have like that stigma of, oh, I'm gonna go therapy, it's gonna be this whole thing and I'm nervous, whatever. But like, just like I was watching the one one of I think, the most recent one you did today and your tip was like um, go outside and like think of like five colors, like I need to see five pink things before I can go back inside, and it just like gets you out of your brain and like out of your mental health and it's like good to do with kids. Like just little things like that are so easy. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's a lot of fun and it's helpful for me too. Like thinking of the content to put out is a reminder to me to do those things too. Like when I did the color walk tip, I was like I should go on a color walk. Like that sounds fun and you know, it's good reminders for me too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, another thing like that, um, that I do a lot is, well, you know, cause they say like if you're anxious, you're thinking about things that are happening in the future and if you're depressed you're like ruminating on things that happened in the past. So if you're really trying to be present just to tune into your five senses, so, um, I did this a lot when I was traveling and then you know, even now, like if I go down to the beach, I'll literally just have that thought where I'm like, okay, what are my five senses Like? What am I smelling? Am I smelling like the salt air? What am I feeling? Am I feeling? What am I hearing?
Speaker 1:Is it cars? Is it, you know, conversation? Is it the waves? Um, tasting and seeing. So it's like if you can really tune in and like label the things that you're seeing, it helps kind of get you out of your you know, your anxious thoughts or whatever, um, and just really be present in the moment. And so I'm curious if there's anything else that you know you can recommend to people to kind of help them with that, just in their day-to-day, you know, quick tips or things that they can do and practice to increase their overall wellbeing.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I love that question. I feel like who am I to tell you if I tell you you should make sourdough bread every single day? Like it doesn't hit for you? So my recommendation is to find your thing and do it in a small dose every day, no matter what that looks like. Like if you are a runner. If somebody told me get outside and go for a run every day, you'll feel better. Like that doesn't. Told me get outside and go for a run every day, you'll feel better, like that doesn't. That wouldn't work for me.
Speaker 3:I'm not a runner, so find what your niche is. Maybe it's reading. Read 10 pages a day. If you're having a hard time, read five pages a day until you, you know, can increase the capacity, do your thing in like a micro dose each day and, if it works, increase the duration. If it's accessible like if you are a sourdough baker, you're not going to do that every. Maybe you are, but you're probably not going to do that every single day. So what scratches the same itch for you and do that you know, is.
Speaker 3:Does that just mean you enjoy baking? Can you bake something small you know, every other day, something that's accessible? So you set yourself up for success and you're not disappointed when you're not able to do your self-care. That's like such the opposite of what we want to be happening.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. I feel like I also read an article recently and it was just saying like, also like doing your thing, but being like, oh, I'm reading this book, this is so nice, like you know. Or like going on a walk and being like, oh, the air feels so nice, like it's, and just be like acknowledging that, like, even though these things just like the positivity you get in your life it doesn't need to be like a vacation, you know what I mean Like this big thing, or like this big event, like just being like, oh, I'm appreciating that the sun is shining down on me today, and like, even just like reminding your brain of that is, and I'm like, well, that's pretty simple, I could do that.
Speaker 3:It's hard for people to remember to do that or be motivated to do that, like there's all. There's a bunch of reasons why that would work or wouldn't work for people, but that is so accessible, like you don't need. You don't need to buy anything, you don't need to go anywhere to do something like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do think that's an interesting point. Though, to bring it back to like, you do have to figure out what works for you. I we had a similar conversation when we were talking about exercise for the longest time, Like I just was discouraged or felt like I wasn't good at exercise because I didn't like to go to spin and that was the exercise that, like, everyone in my world was doing. But that's not true. You just have to find out what works for you. And it's like, you know, for me. I know journaling in the past three or four years has become such an important part of my life. Like I love to journal but I like to write, so it's something that I do every day. But I know that for that wouldn't work for everybody. Or like, if you know, for me it's like meditation. I know that there's so many benefits to meditating, but I just have never been able to like really get there, and then it almost makes you feel bad about yourself. So it is just so important to find what works for you.
Speaker 3:I love that question because I've, like you can ask people and you find out that they enjoy, like rollerblading. It's like I would have never suggested like you should rollerblade. So you find what. Like journaling I've desperately tried, kristen, desperately tried, and I just like my brain goes faster than my hand. I don't enjoy it. I wish I could but it's not for me. But if, like, some people do it every single day and it's their outlet, so it is kind of a disappointing answer to your question, like if you're looking for tips, and it's a very therapist answer to say like what are your tips?
Speaker 3:Yeah, you have to find what works for you and do it in small doses and give yourself the time to do it. If you're in a relationship where there is like supervision of children, your significant other can give you the time to take. You know what you need to get yourself feeling like your best self.
Speaker 1:And isn't that such the human condition, just to be like? What's the one tip that's going to make us like all better?
Speaker 2:Like, tell us exactly what to do.
Speaker 3:I will say something that I do believe in. It's not obviously my theory, but that habit stacking I think that's such an incredible. I don that. I don't know what that is Like doing things, kristen, we might've talked about it at the wedding too. It's like doing things that you can do at the same time, so like, if you are doing the dishes, can you run a load of laundry at the same time. Can you listen to the Snitchin' podcast while you're doing?
Speaker 2:that oh. I do that? I do that. I read and walk. It's the best. No, I do that. I read and walk. It's the best.
Speaker 3:No, I'd get motion sick, I feel.
Speaker 2:I have to make the font on my Kindle big, but You're already doing it, then, britt, that's exactly that is how it's acting.
Speaker 1:Nailed it.
Speaker 3:Nailed it.
Speaker 1:I do that with podcasts. There's certain podcasts, like the Daily, that I love to listen to, but I won't let myself listen to it until I'm on a walk.
Speaker 3:I love that.
Speaker 2:You got to pay attention to that one. Okay, yeah, we talked a little bit about this, but like the, in terms of like the therapy and the digital age, I feel like a thing I've been seeing. A lot is like these like is it AI therapy or like an app that you can do that? Like you get all your therapy in the app. I know headspace has one now. Um, yeah, it's an ai therapist, I'm pretty sure.
Speaker 3:So they. There are two different things.
Speaker 3:There are digital platforms for therapy, like better help or things like that where you're talking to a human therapist and then I'm seeing people using like chat GPT as their therapist, like completely AI, not even human voice, just like texting chat GPT, looking for support. That's a little scary. It is scary and it's understandable, like I'm glad people are looking for supplemental support, you know, especially if therapy isn't something that they can access right now. Support, you know, especially if therapy isn't something that they can access right now. But where I struggle with it is these are obviously like advanced technologies. They can do wild things.
Speaker 3:They're still not human and I practice personally from a very relational standpoint, like so much, in my opinion, so much healing is done through relationships, including the therapist and client relationship. So when that human to human interaction, with clinical training and trauma informed training, is lost and it's human to robot, you're missing and doing yourself a big disservice, a scary disservice sometimes, to be using those. So when I hear that people are using AI or like chat GPT for their therapy, what I hear kind of underneath that is that that's someone looking for help, like they are seeking help out in a way that makes sense or is accessible to them at the time. My explicitly strong recommendation would be to keep do yourself a favor and keep therapy human to human.
Speaker 1:It's not really interesting, um, or I heard a really interesting story about this on the daily. There was someone who was using chat GPT and one of the things that they were mentioning was that chat GPT is a tool that's designed to keep you using it, like any of these apps, like they want to keep you engaged and keeping you using ChatGPT, so it's almost pre-programmed to be a little bit of a compliment machine and something that's going to boost your ego based on what you're inputting into it. And there was this guy who was really insecure about his smarts. He never graduated high school. He started asking chat GPT about the equation of pie, you know 3.14.
Speaker 1:And next thing you know, like chat GPT is telling him wow, you know, you're asking so many great questions cut to like several months later he has been led to believe that he's this like mathematical genius. And so that was one of the things that they warned against was, you know, um, is it's their design to kind of boost your ego. And one of the things that I know that you've said in one of your TikToks, laura, that's always stuck with me, is like sometimes you are the problem and you need to have a therapist that's going to be objective. And let you know that because you know sometimes it's you. And let you know that because you know sometimes it's you and do so much work.
Speaker 3:like that TikTok is saying you know, if you're the problem, then you have the opportunity to fix it. Like that it's a powerful spot to be in, to be the problem, because then you can also be the fixer. So, Chachi PT, I don't feel like, while it's very advanced, it can't give you what human to human therapy can give you like real, deep, meaningful work. It can give you like a quick hit of a tip or like a suggestion, but it's not clinically based or clinically trained. So so much it's scary, it is.
Speaker 2:What about, like through COVID, like, do you do most of your stuff now virtual? What?
Speaker 3:about through COVID. Do you do most of your stuff now? Virtual, yeah. So I have a full-time IRL job that is more resource connection-based, not clinical counseling, and then I do counseling part-time and my full-time job is in person and my counseling job is 100% virtual.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Do you feel like since pre and post-COVID even since you started there's way more demand? I feel like since pre and post COVID, or like even since you started, like there's way more demand. Or like people, I feel like like people's attitude just toward therapy has definitely changed in the last five years, for sure.
Speaker 3:I feel like we are in a gift of a time, like therapy is cool, people are. People are normalizing it, talking about it. If you don't go to therapy, why not?
Speaker 2:Yeah. It helps literally everyone. It helps everyone. I've always said that.
Speaker 3:I give a lot of credit to younger people because they're working it into their conversations like it's going to the gym, Like oh, I can't hang out tonight, I have therapy. It's like, oh so do I. Do you see? See yeah, sarah Jane, oh, me too like it's yeah normal conversation and we can learn a lot from young people, but that definitely is. It's cool now to go to therapy, so I feel like it's a win for therapists and it's a win for people who get the support too.
Speaker 2:I feel like when we were younger too, it cool to be a Swifty too, it's cool to be a Swifty. Cool to be a therapist. It's cool to be a Swifty therapist.
Speaker 1:Oh my.
Speaker 3:God double whammy Welcome to 2025. Can you imagine if in session I'm like what era do you most identify?
Speaker 2:Like you're kind of giving reputation, yeah you're in a dark place if it's rep.
Speaker 3:Let's get you to lover.
Speaker 1:It's so true, though. If someone was in therapy when we were younger, it was like, oh, they're in therapy, what's wrong with them, you know. And now it's like it's encouraged and that's amazing. But what happened? What about if you have someone in your life that you see or you're worried about, think that they might be struggling, like any tips for how to connect them to therapy or how to broach the conversation? It's, you know. What do you do in that situation?
Speaker 3:Yeah, definitely, it's such an important question. Generally, you know, for the sake of time and just keeping it general, any change in somebody's baseline behavior, so how you know that person to be, typically any change in that over a significant amount of time. What I mean by that is like two plus weeks of consistent change. That's change in either direction. If somebody you know and love is a couch potato and they've always been a couch potato and all of a sudden they have this wild jolt of energy and they're throwing themselves into a million activities and being really involved.
Speaker 3:That's still considered a change in their behavior. Right, and then kind of the one that is most common or most talked about is like somebody who is engaged and starts to pull back, you know, and withdraw and disengage from things and become more to themselves. Any change in that behavior over that significant amount of time could have so many you know reasons behind it. Maybe they're going through something or whatever, but it's still worth a conversation that you've noticed it. And having that conversation can be hard and intimidating and overwhelming. You know we're so conditioned to you. Walk by somebody. Hey, how are you Good, you, and you just keep walking.
Speaker 2:Yeah, totally, but what do?
Speaker 3:you do if someone says like oh, actually do you have a minute?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'd be like no, I gotta go. That's a great point.
Speaker 3:So if you, can get ahead of that. My recommendation is always it's very elementary, but it's effective. The I statements like instead of saying you've pulled back or you seem different, you can say something like I have missed you I want to be spending time with you.
Speaker 3:Is anything going on for you that's making it so we're not spending as much time together? None of that is blaming or accusatory. It's owning your perspective in the dynamic and saying what you miss or what you've noticed, without saying like you're doing this, and that can throw people on the defensive pretty quickly. But if you say I've missed our time together, how can I help you so we can spend more time together? Is anything going on for you? You might get a closed door and they say, nope, I'm good. But if something is going on and you're the one who asked about it, they might come to you when they're ready to talk about it, versus someone who's never asked them, if they're okay.
Speaker 2:True.
Speaker 1:True, that's a good way to introduce it too, because I think it's really easy to fall into the trap of thinking like okay, if you see someone that goes from being really productive to not being productive, like that's something that's easy to flag. But the opposite way, you can easily think like, oh, this person you know is doing so well, so definitely like a good way to frame that.
Speaker 3:The over-under kind of mindset. If somebody is overeating, oversleeping, overdrinking, or if they're under not underdrinking, but if they're undereating, undersleeping. If you have a pulse on the people you care about and their tendencies and you start to notice a shift to go over or a shift to go under, it's worth a conversation. It's always worth a conversation. The worst thing someone can say to you is like buzz off, I don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 1:I need someone to tell me to buzz off.
Speaker 3:I don't know what I can say on the pod.
Speaker 1:Oh, we're explicit. It might be a little more colorful.
Speaker 3:but yeah, you can be met with a million different things, but if and when that person's ever ready to talk about it and you're the only person who ever asked I'm putting money on you're the person they're going to go to.
Speaker 2:And it's better than not saying anything.
Speaker 3:It is always better than not saying anything 100% of the time. It's vulnerable and it's uncomfortable to have conversations like that, but if you do it in your language and the way that you talk to each other, like Brittany, I don't imagine you'd ever go up to Kristen and say like I'm feeling, that you're feeling, like you talk in your dynamic, like you make it work how it works for you, depending on who you're talking to.
Speaker 2:So interesting, so smart Laura. No, Laura, literally.
Speaker 3:We're all smart in human nature, you know.
Speaker 2:We're eating this shit up though.
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:I'm literally thinking so much.
Speaker 3:I'm like same Gobble, gobble baby.
Speaker 1:I love that, though, because, yeah, no one's going to respond well, if you're accusing them of anything, so just bringing it inward with the I statements like that's, that's a great tip.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean, think about it like personally. If someone came up to me and said, like you've been, you're this, you're that, I'm not going to say what I'm feeling. I'm going to immediately put a wall. I'm going to stonewall and I'm going to say Stonewall or stand up.
Speaker 1:I'm going to go to horseman number four instead.
Speaker 3:That doesn't feel like a safe place for me to say how I'm feeling. If someone says I've missed this or I've noticed that you've been X, Y, Z, it's like, oh, they care, I'm seen. That person sees my tendencies and that they have changed.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, laura, this has been so great. You like me to come on our snitch sessions every Friday, like we need you.
Speaker 3:I am always down to snitch.
Speaker 1:This was so much fun. Thank you so much for coming on.
Speaker 3:I know this was a blast. I miss you guys. I want to like hug you through my, my screen. I know, I know.
Speaker 1:Thank screen, I know I know. Thank you to everyone who has listened to this episode. We hope that you have taken something away from Laura and her advice. We know we have.
Speaker 2:And make sure to like us, follow us, comment at us, tell everyone you know about us on social. We're at snitch and pod on TikTok and Instagram and yeah, thanks, laura, have a great day everyone.
Speaker 1:Thank you guys so much, this was great. Thanks, Laura.
Speaker 3:Thank you.
Speaker 1:Bye everyone.