Snitchin
Tired of the daily grind and endless, unattainable influencer posts? Welcome to Snitchin, the podcast for the everyday woman. Take a break from your day and join two best friends as they get real about life, learn about new things, laugh, and build a community where everyone has a story to share. Reach out to us at snitchinpod@gmail.com - we would love to hear from you!
Snitchin
Episode 49: The One With Bahn's Coming Out Journey
We sit with our friend Brianna, aka Bahn, to unpack coming out in her early 30s, finding steady love with her wife Melissa, and building a marriage and a home with intention. Courage looks like everyday choices—from saying “my wife” at work to painting a cabinet the color that feels like you.
• Discussing Bahn's first conversations with friends and family about her sexuality, and the realization that she might be different than her friends growing up
• How her wife helped her gain confidence in her identity and their relationship
• Talking about marriage as responsibility, ritual, and kindness in practice
• “Wear the damn suit” anthem as a lens for identity and comfort
• Beginner-friendly DIY projects that change a space fast and top tools to have at home
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Ready? Ready. Okay, everyone. Welcome back to the latest episode of Snitchin. It's your host, Kristen. And Brittany, get ready for the best part of your day. And it's Wednesday. That means it's a guest episode, which is our favorite episodes. And we have one of our besties here, Brianna, aka. We refer to her as Bon. It's weird hearing you call her Brianna. Bon, do you like how do people refer to you in your world? Like, would you say 90% Bon? Like what's the ratio?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I would say like 98% Bon. It's like my sister, my parents, and Melissa call me Brianna. But and actually Charlie, at work too, people call me Brianna. But outside of those worlds, I am on Bon. I really won't answer to Brianna if I'm like in public because I don't think I assume it's not for me. I assume it's definitely not for me. So yeah, Bon is Bon is preferred, but it's not super professional. So I can't be going around my office being like, hey, can you actually call me this?
SPEAKER_03:You know what? It is like a unique nickname. I've never heard another, I've never heard of someone else being called Bon. I don't even know if after all of these years of knowing you, like how that name originated.
SPEAKER_01:We can kick the podcast off with that. Well, it is pretty unique, to be honest. But it came because I have like a bunch of cousins that are all the same age as me. And I went to high school with one of my cousins who is in the same class as me. And I wasn't paying attention. So he just yelled Bon and I turned around. So it's been my family name since I was like really, yeah, since I was really little. And then when my cousin called it to me at school, it was kind of like a game changer with like there is no more Brianna, it's just Bon from here on out. But like my teachers and everything in high school called me Bon. So it was really, it's weird to be called Brianna outside of like work or from my mom and my sister.
SPEAKER_03:You know, uh a lot of our friends listening in for this episode are just gonna love that little tidbit. I literally never knew that that was when it started.
SPEAKER_00:I never knew that either. I also I don't know why this reminds me of it, but I feel like you'll remember this Bon when Kelsey always used to call Gina Gina. Like she didn't say Gina ever, like in front of teachers, in front of parents, but she was only Gina. She'd be like yelling down the hall like Gina.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. At least you're not Gina. I mean, I will take that. At least I'm not Gina. But I mean, I am I am Barn on occasion, depending on who you're talking to. So I don't know if Gina or Barn is is better or worse, but here we here we are with like non-normal names that we're called 90% of the time. So it's an interesting life that we live here, right? Nicknames, crazy.
SPEAKER_03:My God, so good. I feel like we need to find another way to work in Gina like more times in the rest of this episode that I'm so funny. Yeah. But yeah, we're pumped to have Von on. So, Von, we've known since high school and grew up in the same area that Brittany and I did. She just got married this June. I think it was June. May. May, May, May 17th. May 17th. Oh my gosh. I cannot believe that that's already been four months. That's crazy. Honestly, yes. It seems like five minutes ago, but separately. She had the most beautiful wedding to her wife Melissa. So, really what this episode is going to be talking about is we're going to talk to Vaughn about her coming out journey. She came out later in life. I think what, 30, something over there?
SPEAKER_01:30. It's a tough, yeah. I don't know. I think to you guys, probably like 31, 32. I think so. Yeah. Yeah. It's probably the right time frame there. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So we're going to talk about that and what her experience was like. And we're also going to get into a little bit of, you know, newlywed talk. Obviously, like we said, she just got married. And then another fun fact about Bon is that she is huge into home improvement. Like, call her Tim the Toolman Taylor. Like, literally, this girl is home improving everywhere, all around. Yeah. So we're going to talk a little bit about that and some tips for maybe people who want to get into it. So yeah, it's going to be a great episode. I guess to kick things off, like we said, you came out later in life around the age of 30, 31. So I'm curious, what was the scariest part about that experience for you, like specifically with your friends and family?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I mean, I think it's kind of a two-fold twofold kind of question, right? Like what is the scariest part about it? And then like the outside version of what is scary. So the journey to get to a place where you're gonna even be like, hey, I might be a little bit different than other people, is like one part of the scary stuff, right? Like two, like no one ultimately no one wants to be like different or other or just like not the same as their friends or not doing the same things as their friends. So like that's the first person portion of that, like for yourself. I am feeling that I am not the same as my friends. That's scary. You don't want to feel like that. You want to be a part of the crew and you want to feel you want to just feel kind of like everybody else. And the realization that that you may not be is something that's like kind of unsettling, right? Yeah. And the second part of that is like, what is everyone gonna think if I am out? There are two really big pieces of that discussion or inward kind of thinking. And for me, it took a long time. Like I came out in my later third, in my early 30s, to kind of come to grips with both of those things. Not saying for me in particular that they were like really dramatic years or like troublesome. It was just like, okay, well, maybe, maybe I should try something different. Because I was like single for a very long time, but had kind of underlying understanding that I may not be feeling the same as everybody else. So I would say that I was somewhere in the middle of the spectrum of like, I'm terrified to do this and like this is gonna be super easy. I probably was like right in the middle of that, being like, okay, well, this will definitely change things up. Don't know how a lot of people would think about it, but I wasn't concerned that people were gonna be like mean or bad. So I I am a lucky person to say that like coming out wasn't gonna be something that was like traumatic. And that that I think is a big piece. And I I will just like flag the idea the idea that like this isn't the experience of everybody that comes out, and some people are not as look, yeah, some people are not as lucky to be in a space or like even in a state that is like willing to work with people that are gay or like looking out for you in general. So, like at forefront, I was like, I was born in the right place, I have a really good family, my friends are really supportive. So none of those things were really like big drivers. It was really just me, whether or not I was ready to be like, huh, let's give this a try, you know?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. I've never thought of that. I like how you said it's like you want to fit in, right? Like I feel like that too. Like, if I ever feel like I'm different than like other girls or other friends, like obviously it's not to the not in the same way, but I'm like, you know, you want to be like everyone else. Like, what's wrong with me? Why am I different? And so I feel like that's a great point you don't think about.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and I mean a lot of these thoughts, right? Like I came out in my 30s, but it's not to say that you have never had these thoughts before. I think the first time I ever really noticed this was probably in like late middle school, early high school when people were like, Oh, I'm dating this person or I want to date this person or this boy is really cute. And my thought, my thought process all the time was like, yikes. I don't know if that's for me. Like, I am like, why are these girls so obsessed with like trying to hold these boys' hands and things like that? I I truly like just didn't get it. I don't know. I think that was probably the first time I was like, huh, interesting, and then moved along and never really thought about it again until you know it's like your friends are getting married and everyone's cumbled up. It's okay. I've been single for a pretty long time. Let's let's investigate this.
SPEAKER_03:People forget, right? I think nowadays sexuality is something that's just talked about more in general in all capacities. Thing sex is like more visible even in media and things along those lines. But when we were growing up, we graduated with a class of about 200 kids. And I think at the time there weren't many people who were out when we were middle school, high school. I really can't think of any, or maybe if I it would be it would be on one hand, we could count the number of people that were out. The only social world you know is this group of people that we grew up with. And if no one else is coming out, then like it would be more difficult to do that yourself. And I think back then there were was still language too that made it feel like that wasn't acceptable. People would say all the time, like that's so gay. They use the F word. Like that was common language, and that's not really the case nowadays.
SPEAKER_01:No, definitely not. But like when we were in high school, yeah, those were things that people said and kind of like kind of preached, right? So yeah, and our our group of friends is a really great group of friends. There's like 20 people in it, it's pretty large. And I mean, I'm the only non-straight person in that group of people, like even to date, even to date. I'm the only non-straight, yeah, non-straight person in that group, and including like in my family. I have a lot of cousins. My parent, my mom has nine siblings. Like, I am also the only non-straight person in that group as well. And that's probably a group of like 50 or 60 people, right? With your like married aunts and uncles, all my cousins, the extended family, too. Like, I'm I'm the only non-straight person in both of those groups of people. So it was definitely something to kind of come to grips with, right? That not only do you feel a little bit different, but you are the only one in either group, right? Your family, your friends, you've got no one really to like bounce ideas off of, or like to say, hey, how did this go? Or I've been feeling like this. Like there really wasn't anything like that for me.
SPEAKER_03:Statistically, that's kind of crazy.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I am an outlier. Like normally I am an outlier, so I'm okay with that. I'm okay with being a little bit on the fringe. So yeah, it was like just it was just a lot to get to a place where you were comfortable to say that, hey, I am a little bit different. The other portion of that is like I went to college for only like a semester and then moved home. So I really didn't get exposure to other groups of people in like a college sense. I think if I maybe lived at school, this transaction would have happened earlier. Like I think it was always gonna happen, like regardless of of what was going on. It was always, this was always gonna be where I ended, but it might have just been five or 10 years earlier.
SPEAKER_03:Like, tell me if this analogy is totally off, but it's almost two. Like, is there a layer of, you know, when you put something off and it just kind of builds, it becomes a bigger thing. I mean, it happens to be literally all the time on the day. I remember we were talking about that with someone in your family. Like when they came out later, it was just like, you know, it's like the longer that you kind of go. Yeah, the more shocking it becomes. Yeah, with one identity, it's almost harder just given the time. So is that a part of it?
SPEAKER_01:I think probably for some people that's like a really big thing. Like the buildup of having this one conversation that's gonna like define the rest of your life is probably like really difficult. I don't know that I ever really got to that point. I knew this in the back of my head. I had like been acting on it, but like had not said anything out loud. But I didn't let it become like this like thing that was pushing down on me. I really was just trying to figure it out. I would be like out with my friends, I would go on dates with girls, I would go on dates with guys, I would go, you know, hang out with whoever, and kind of by process of elimination realize like I do not enjoy my time with Ben. So honestly fair. Yeah. So I was just like, okay, this is this must be the path that I'll be going on. And really, once that you came to that decision, it was kind of like you might owe some people a conversation, right? Like for me, it wasn't about like keeping a secret because to me, I really wasn't. I think the only pressure I had was to be like honest with my parents because I knew like my my parents are like really, really understanding, awesome people. They've been super supportive, like in any decision that I've made. And I never thought for a second that there would be like a bad conversation with them. It was just like, okay, I have to admit this thing about myself that I don't necessarily like even know about yet. And I need to like tell you about it because you're my parents and I want you to be involved in the decisions of my life. But like, what are what do you say? Hey, by the way, I'm 31 and I have a, I have, I'm seeing that somebody, and my mom was like, I'm so excited. And I was like, her name is Melissa, and like the the face was like, okay, all right. And it was like, it was excitement. She was like, she knew that when if I was talking about somebody, it was a done deal. Like it was, this is the person, okay. And my dad was like, literally is a man of few words, and he was like, Are you happy? And I said yes. And he was like, Okay, I am too. And that was the end of the conversation. And it really has been the only conversation that we've had about that transition. It was, I have a girlfriend who name's Melissa, and are you happy? And that was it. And I knew that was gonna be the way it is, just because that's the kind of people that they are. But like sitting down with my mom and having that conversation is something that like I probably don't want to do again. It wasn't very comfortable, not because she wasn't gonna be supportive, but it's just like really vulnerable. And I'm not a person in general who likes to be very vulnerable, right? So it brings up some it brings up some feelings on both sides, right? I had to say, hey, listen, this is who I am. And then there's like a whole other side of that, that it's now like the scariest part for my parents, right? They come from a generation that's older than us that that don't necessarily understand the way that our generation likes to live life and things like that, or whatever. So my mom's concern at the very beginning was whether or not people are gonna be mean to me in public. And it it's a real concern for some people. But after like kind of one conversation I had with her, I was like, listen, first of all, look at who I am. I am not gonna take shit from anyone. And then second, I was like, ultimately, that's a like poor behavior is a reflection on like your own insecurity. It has nothing to do with me. So if you're gonna act crazy in public and call me names and do whatever, that's go right ahead and do that. I will not let it like ruin my life or my day or things like that. And yeah, it's been very minimal that I've experienced things like that. But in general, that's like scary for me and for my parents, right? To have that conversation. And that outside world is is, I think, the scarier portion of that. Like my inner circle, I knew nothing was gonna be, nothing was gonna happen.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that's fair.
SPEAKER_03:I love that, Mr. Brian. That that is such a cute dad moment. Just like, are you happy? I love that. I love that. Britt, it brings up what you said. I can't remember, oh, the book club episode about how it's so natural for a parent, your mom, even as you are a full grown adult woman who can handle her stuff and stand on her business and like take care of herself. But to be like, are other people gonna be mean to you? We were saying, like, parents, your worry for your your kid. It's it's just everlasting, you know. It's just funny that that was kind of her like response.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I thought it was really like kind of cute too, like to be honest. I was like, I'm like, I'm like a fully grown person. I have a full-time job and you you're still concerned that people are gonna be mean to me, even though like I have no problem running my mouth at people, right? So it's yeah, it was very, you know, it's endearing comforting to me. It was really good to see that like there was that kind of reaction, to be honest.
SPEAKER_00:I also feel like it's a good point too. Like, it's hard to have a conversation with all your parents like about sexual orientation or like anything in general, even if it's like like I don't know, I never sat down with my parents and was like, this is my boyfriend, and I like boys, and you know, it's like yeah, so it's like I mean, yeah, I think that was a that that statement in general, Brittany, was something that I brought up in conversation.
SPEAKER_01:I was like, I have so I have a younger sister who's like married, has two children, and like obviously is straight. And I was like, you guys never had to sit down and talk to Michelle about like who she wanted to be with or anything like that. It's like this being gay is like an added layer of conversation and stress, where like I think the younger generation of kids are just like, this is who I am, no discussion, which I think probably is better. It's a little like easier in the long run. But yeah, it it's something to like definitely acknowledge that like this the coming out discussion. Also want to know the coming out discussion is not just a one-time discussion. It is every day, anytime you meet someone new, any new job, anybody in the grocery store, anyone, it's because like anytime I identify, like, oh, my wife and I, okay, I came out again. And like you really don't know every single time what the reaction is gonna be like. It's not a one-time discussion. It's not, it's probably, you know, over the course of your life, you do it hundreds, if not thousands, of times. For example, I just had like five new employees start at my company and I had to tell each one of them, like, hi, Rihanna, this X, Y, and Z. And then they're like, What'd you do over the weekend? I was like, Oh, my wife and I. Oh, okay. I came out again to these people that I just met 30 seconds ago. So it's just a kind of an ongoing discussion. It gets obviously easier with the more times that you do it and the more comfortable you get.
SPEAKER_00:But when did Melissa come out earlier, right? Like, what was her experience?
SPEAKER_01:I don't know. Her so she's been out for since her like early 20s, I believe. Like basically, like right after she went to college, maybe the end of college. And she's had several long-term relationships. She yeah, has been out. Her family took a little bit of time to get used to that, but ultimately, like they're there. We are welcomed into their family, I'm welcomed into their family, and it just kind of is what it is at this point. But yeah, she definitely, she definitely had more of like a gay awakening than I did. I guess maybe you should maybe you should have her on. I don't want to spill her secrets, but usually have her on someday. Yeah, don't don't spill it. But yeah, she was out for 10 to 15 years before me. So yeah, so that probably helped. It did. That's one of the questions that you guys had lined up. But yeah, I said if if anything, like it didn't hinder anything. To be honest, it made it an easier transition. She was just so comfortable doing whatever, it wasn't something she thought about. She was like, Yep, we're together, and this is what we do when we're together. So it made it easier for me to like just be, right? It wasn't like I'm second guessing anything, it was just yeah, here we are.
SPEAKER_03:So it sounds like it was overall like positive. It did was there any challenges that were presented given that she had had so much more experience like being out?
SPEAKER_01:Not necessarily. I mean, I will say that the like one of the only things that I've never not been sure about is Melissa. So like I never stuttered and I never like paused for a second when I met her. I was kind of like, whoa, this is a done deal. And I was like ready to go full throttle, you know, pretty much after the second bait. So there I in normal life I would have been like, I don't want people to know about this. I don't need to tell anybody. But here's another kicker. My sister was getting married like two months after I met Melissa. And my sister was basically like, I know you're seeing someone, you're being sketchy. Do you want to bring them to the wedding? And I was like, Well, of course I do. But she goes, Okay, well, they have to meet mom and dad and me. And I was like, Two months, like that's really early to be meeting someone's parents. Sure. It's very, very early. So we met we had one dinner with my parents, and then my sister got married like three weeks later, and she met 200 of my family members like at the wedding. Ripped the band-aid right off, just ripped the band-aid right off. So there was really no like stutter for me. I just was like, I'm I'm all in. I'm all in. I'm like also with the maid of honor for that wedding. So Melissa was like by herself all day. One of them was like in the thing. I like dropped her with my cousins and my best and two of my friends and was like, good luck, peace be with you. I'll see you after the movie. She was definitely fine.
SPEAKER_02:Peace be with you.
SPEAKER_01:We love Melissa.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, Bon is like our only friend that is not a Swifty, like a certified that says I'm not a Swifty. Fine. We all respect other people's opinions. Yeah, but of course, she can't get away from the Swifties because then she married one. Yeah, I truly can't.
SPEAKER_01:I thought I was like, Oh, it never, I can't listen to that. And here I am, like with a Bravo queen and like Swifty lady. I'm like, okay, like four more dates to the new album.
SPEAKER_03:But we could talk Bravo all day.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm a bravo, like I'm a outsider Bravo. I listen to it while I'm like chopping vegetables in the kitchen cooking dinner. So I like kind of yeah, I like kind of know the tea and kind of know the storylines, but I don't actively like sit down and watch the ladies. But Melissa is a real housewife lady, so she's about understandable.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, but what is your favorite thing about Melissa?
SPEAKER_01:Oh man, you sent this question, and I like tried to like write some notes down to these questions, and I got to this and I could not figure out like what is my favorite thing. I think ultimately, like, she is just like salt of the earth, nicest person on the planet, like so genuine. She is just a genuine person. What she's telling you, or what she's doing, is exactly what she wants to be doing, or telling you like there is no faking it. She's super empathetic, she's a pediatric nurse, so like I don't think you can get much nicer than that, to be honest. Seriously. Honestly, like too too nice to be with me. And I and I say that like really to myself every day, like, holy shit, you're an asshole when you married this like really, really nice lady. So, like, what did you do? Like, what did you do? You're not that funny to catch somebody so nice. So, yeah, it's just I think just overall, like she's just the the best person that I have really ever met in like any arena of my life. Yeah, if she wasn't gay, I probably would have been like, Can you be my best friend?
SPEAKER_00:But I love that.
SPEAKER_01:I lucked out and she was actually gay. So here we are.
SPEAKER_00:Sometimes like I'm jealous, like I'm I feel like two girl relationships would be ideal in a lot of ways. Like you wouldn't have to fight over what to watch, you know?
SPEAKER_01:You could just like yes and no, yeah. Everyone says that everyone's like, it should be so it's so nice, it's so ladies. And I'm like, yeah, have you ever had like a fight with one of your girlfriends? Like, there is so much emotion. There's so much emotion. I feel like when you're in like a hetero relationship, like your fight is like, Well, I'm not talking to you, and it's like end of story, right? Like it's just like you messed up, I'm not talking to you. And a guy is just gonna be like, All right, cool, I'll talk to you later. Boys are just dumb, right? The girls, it's like, can we schedule 15 minutes to have this discussion?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, that's scary. That's scary.
SPEAKER_01:And I'm like, I'd rather paint the trim in the house than have that conversation. So in some ways, it's like really great. We're like similar in size, so I have like two wardrobes. Not that I would be wearing sick. Yeah, not that I would be wearing like the floral dresses that are in her thing, but like there are like shirts that I can steal and pants that I can steal. So that's one benefit. But also, like I don't know, our house is really clean because we both like to clean it and like you know, it's yeah, we're like your house is so cute, you both decorate it.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know. I just picture it being like besties hanging out all the time.
SPEAKER_01:To some to some state, yeah, it is like besties hanging out because like ultimately, like she is my best friend, but also like you've got to keep it in the payward and relationship phase. I think it can it can go a fine line of we're best friends at at some points, and then like we gotta step it up a little bit. But in general, like, yeah, we don't watch football on Sundays. That's what that's one positive. That's one positive.
SPEAKER_03:So we talked a little bit about this um when we were hanging out at the brewery a couple weekends ago. But now that you are married, is there anything that you feel differently about? Like, what's you get uh answers across the spectrum? Some people say, I don't really feel differently at all. And then you have people saying, Yeah, like it's definitely different now that we're married. So where do you fall on that scale?
SPEAKER_01:I fall on the side, nothing has really changed except for everything has changed. Nothing has changed in like our day-to-day life. We own a house, we you know, have been living together for almost three years before we got married. So none of that day-to-day stuff has changed. I know even that fast. I cannot believe it's I've been that long. That's crazy. That did go quick. Yeah, it's very quick. So, like day-to-day stuff, it's all the same for me. I'm not sure if she feels the same way, but for me, I the only change I have is that I feel a little bit more responsibility for the actual relationship. It's not just like my girlfriends, and not that you would just like break up with them and leave them in the dust, but you know, you've made at this point, you've made a commitment, and it's kind of a responsibility for me to make sure that I'm doing what I need to do to keep this relationship in a in a space that it needs to be in for us to be successful. So really like like financially, and like it's not just me that I'm supporting at this point. Like, we have a house, we have a life together. So I, you know, want to work really hard to make sure that we can provide for each other the way that we want to live. But yeah, like really it's just a responsibility. There's like an added layer of like effort, I think, goes into the marriage life because I feel like you can get stuck in like the monotony of day-to-day life, right? Like we make a point to go on dates, schedule time with each other, which like dating and mar being married to a nurse is not the easiest thing on the planet because I work Monday through Friday, regular business hours, and her schedule is kind of all over the place. So we really have to make an effort to get those times, whether it's literally just like a couple of beers at a happy hour on a Friday or like something more intense. But we really try to make an effort to do that just to keep each other at the forefront of what what we're doing, why we're doing it, and that we actually like each other. Like that can get like kind of grayed out in the day-to-day monotony of like, I gotta go to work. I have this big project, I'm doing this, I just worked 12 hours.
SPEAKER_00:Totally.
SPEAKER_01:We just got a puppy, so it's like we the dog is like taking over our life, but we need a good reminder of like, hey, the reason we did all of this is because we really like each other and we wanted to be together. So that should be the priority of our situation.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. I feel like, or at least I can imagine that for a lot of people, it's kind of like you get married and it's almost like you can just like breathe a sigh of relief. Got married, you know, now I have this commitment and this stable relationship and all these things. Like, I don't have to put as much effort in because I we got there. But it's like I like how you're reframing that of now that we're married, I am putting almost more intentionality into making sure that it's working because I have this responsibility to keep it going.
SPEAKER_01:That's a like just really and like you want to make it work because one, you made this commitment to each other and like to everyone that came and watched you do it, right? We have like almost 200 people at our wedding, and that's important to me is to like make sure that you know a lot of people took time out of their their days to come and celebrate with us, but want to know that like we made an actual commitment. There is work behind it, we are in it for the long haul. The other thing is like, yes, you made this commitment, but you made a commitment for a very long time, and I would like to be happy during that time. So you need to do some work during during the that period to make sure that there's happiness there because to be married and miserable is is not fun, or I don't think that's a goal for anyone. So yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I read this article literally like 10 years ago. I don't know the source, don't even know if it's credible, but it just stuck with me. This it was a relationship expert, and she said one of the number one signs that you know a couple is going to be successful is if you just like notice that they are kind to each other. They're just nice to each other, like try to make an effort to use nice language or compliment or like just be a friend. And I was like, huh, that's so simple, but I could still see how in a regular day-to-day that would be so important, just to you know, remind yourself that just because they're your your husband or wife, you know, you still have to like put the effort in to be nice to them.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:You didn't sign the paper and then it's done. You gotta you gotta keep it moving.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's just the beginning. Just the beginning.
SPEAKER_03:I can't wait. Maybe last question, then we should talk some home improvement. Sure. Like any for anyone who might be considering coming out and they're nervous about it, just to kind of bring it back to the beginning, just any piece of advice that you could give somebody in that situation who might be listening.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, so I think there are a handful of things that should happen or need to happen if you're gonna come out and kind of go into this journey. One is like some self reflection. Right. Like actually sit, take some time, think about these things. Like for me, I wanted to be sure in what I was doing before I was like out here announcing something to everybody. Right. And that for me took a really long time, like I don't know, 10 years. For others, it could be like six months. Who knows? But I will just kind of tell a little story. And then I think that's like my best way at describing my advice. So I first met Melissa, I was invited to like 100 weddings, which is like standard in our group of friends, which is like every weekend we were at a wedding or a bridal shower or whatever. And until I had met Melissa, really, I was wearing like jumpsuits and dresses to these weddings, which I had no problem doing. I can wear a dress really well and I can wear a jumpsuit very well. But I had always wanted to wear like a really nice tailored suit, always, like for years. And Melissa was just like, just wear the suit. And I so I did the first time I ever wore a suit. I literally like Melissa was Melissa will tell you the story. Like I put the suit on and you could literally see the change in my face. Like there was like so much more confidence. I was so comfortable. Yeah, it was just overall like a change. So now like I I do not wear dresses really anymore. I wear really nice tailored suits. And courtesy of my brother-in-law, I when I was getting married, there was a discussion about what I was gonna wear. And I was like, I don't understand why this is a discussion. Like I am wearing a suit. I'll tell you what I'm wearing. He was like, Yeah, I don't know why there'd be any discussion because you wear a suit better than most men. And I was like, I will take that from a guy that doesn't give a lot of compliments. So yeah, my advice for me in general and in the just wear the suit has been kind of metaphor for how I operate through life, right? So I love that. Just just wear the damn suit. If you feel comfortable doing something, just do it. Don't worry about everybody else. Don't worry about what the outside world will feel like. If you feel like wearing a suit, wear a suit. The minute that you start doing things that feel good and comfortable to you, the easier the rest of it gets. That being said, we also have to recognize that there are like some spaces that are not necessarily safe to do those things. So maybe come out at the pace that you can and are comfortable doing in a place that is safe for you. For me, that was like full throttle, go for it. For others, it might be like you're just out with your friends. That's fine. Yeah. But my advice would be just be you. Don't try to cater to other people.
SPEAKER_00:I love that because I feel like Bon, you have such a like style, like in I love your clothes and stuff like that. And I feel like that's a very you answer. I mean, you look great in that suit. I love that suit. But I do feel like it's such a good point because it's like one of those things you can't like control. Like I don't know, it's like so innate to you, like how you feel in a piece of clothing. Like I've I specifically remember I had to do this thing for work and I had to wear a tutu. And I was so uncomfortable, I will never forget it. But it's just like you can't even help yourself. You know what I mean? You're just like, this isn't me. Like I'm just like trying to get out of it. And like, yeah, I feel like that's a great barometer.
SPEAKER_01:You can see for me, like even in pictures of like when I'm wearing like attending weddings or a bridesmaid in a dress, like even when I look back on it now, I'm like, whoa, that looks so strange to me. Yeah. But like I in the moment didn't feel super uncomfortable, but now I'm like, whoa, okay, yeah, that's not me. That's not the style that I would go for. Granted, like if I'm a bridesmaid and you want me to wear a dress, like I will totally wear a dress. So I I hope I'm I've hung up that I'm retired, I think, from being a bridesmaid.
SPEAKER_00:But if if I feel like you you have always been like a do you type of person, though. You feel like even before you came out or anything, you were always like, you know, you do you, I'll do me, and like respect.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. But ultimately, yeah, just just do what you want to do. Like wear the damn suit. Wear the damn suit.
SPEAKER_02:Wear the damn suit.
SPEAKER_03:So to wrap up, we are gonna talk about home improvement. Like we said, Vaughn is huge in home improvement. We have seen firsthand her handiwork and it's impressive. So for people who might be nervous to do a first project, aka me, what would you recommend? Yeah, is there an easy first project that you would um recommend for someone who might want to start dabbling?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, there's tons of stuff that you can do. I would say for a beginner, painting goes a long way. Like when you move into a place, normally it has like some kind of white or beige paint. I would advise going and picking out something and doing that paint. It will change the way your house feels.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:It it truly will. And it's a simple thing, it can be done in a weekend. You don't have to have like a really high skill level to do it. You do have to have a little bit of patience. But other than that, it's you know, a weekend project will make your house feel a thousand times different.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Even just one wall sometimes, you know, a statement wall or like a piece of furniture. Yeah, you know, like a chair or something.
SPEAKER_01:I also would say furniture, like Brittany just said, I like really like to refinish furniture. So that's kind of a good place to learn how to do some stuff. You can learn, you know, different ways to like strip paint and varnish and things off of furniture. It's also a good place to kind of like test color. If you're someone who has a hard time or like picking out a wall color is gonna be really difficult, maybe get side table or a coffee table and paint that a cool color. I think color is really important in your space. I'm not an interior designer. I have like very specific things that I like, and not all of it goes together, but the the point of it is like up like the confidence and what you want in your space, right? Melissa and I have tons of color in our house, a lot of texture, like random tchotchkis that are funny to us and and things like that. And really, that's what I would say. Like, whatever you want to do to your space, do it. I would say some like cool curtains, those are easy. Like curtains, everyone thinks it's super easy, but it's actually really difficult to hang them. That's another thing. Recently, kind of like textured accent walls are really cool that people are looking into. And idea. It's a cool one-day project. They sell like all kinds of paneling that you can put on your wall now, which are like generally pre-cut. So if you're not super handy, it would be probably just cutting a couple of pieces of wood to get it up there. It and it really makes a big difference. We just put I just put one in our living room against our TV. It's like it's cool. So we did that. We I did that while while Melissa was at work one day. So that's mostly how our project happened. She'll be like working for the weekend and she'll be like, So, what do you have on tap? And I was like, I'm gonna go to the Home Depot and I'll figure something out. And then she comes home and there's like a new project out on the house. And she's like, Okay, great. Thank you for that.
SPEAKER_00:It's a dream.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, it's not always the the problem is that it's not always the project that she wants me to complete, it's the project that I want to complete. So, like, she had been asking me for two years to do a backsplash in our kitchen. I just recently finished it, but it took two years for me to like get around the idea that I had to do the backsplash.
SPEAKER_00:So you're doing the work.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, they've got to set the timeline.
SPEAKER_03:What was your favorite thing that you've done in your house so far?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, hands down, our kitchen. So when we when we moved in, I bought a house that was built in like the early 1950s. So like the cabinets are like a yellow oak color. It's like not amazing. I painted all of the cabinets that are like this really cool green color, but in order to do that, you have to sand everything down, strip it. It's kind of a labor of love for the cabinets, but now we love it. Cool green color, and then I replaced all the countertops with butcher block.
SPEAKER_00:That oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, which is like a nice cost savings thing too. Like you can get a piece of butcher block for like$200 as opposed to like getting granite or whatever. Yeah, you can cut everything on it. That's awesome. I I don't, but you could. If you cut on it, you really have to like sand it down and like treat it a lot more. But I guess I see. Yeah, but you could. But yeah, that was a nice labor of love for us. It was a one of the first projects Mullis and I did together. And I'm glad we made it through. We had to like, you know, measure stuff, get it in the right space. We had to cut the hole for the sink to be dropped in because my contractor was literally just gonna like connect the plumbing. So everything had everything had to be kind of exact, but it looks like awesome. I really wouldn't change too much about it. So yeah. It looks beautiful. You did a great job.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I feel like the colored cabinets are very in right now.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it is, and it was a temporary solution to be honest. Like, we want to redo the kitchen at some point. So I was like, let's instead of ripping these out, let's just paint them. We'll get a couple of years out of them, and then we'll do what we want to do. Love it. I need a bond.
SPEAKER_03:Undo my house. No, be a bond.
SPEAKER_01:I'm always looking for a be a bond.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, we can do it. Okay, final question. What are the top three tools that you think you should keep in your house?
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I think they're pretty standard. I would say some kind of drill and like a drill bit set, the screw heads, and then also like the actual bits that you can like drill a hole into the wall. Some screwdrivers, that's in one level, like a Phillips head and a flathead screwdriver. I would say a level if you're gonna be if you're gonna be hanging everything, a square, which is like that metal triangle, so that your your stuff is square when you're cutting. And I would say some kind of saw, right? Whether that's a circular saw, a jigsaw, handsaw, I would say those things are probably the most important. Yeah, I think you can get by with with a lot of that. And I have like a really basic circular saw to be honest. Like it's not anything crazy. I don't have a chalk saw, I don't have big equipment because my house is tiny. So you can get by with a lot. And the final thing I would say is your phone because you can learn so much stuff from TikTok and YouTube. Like honestly, you can learn how to build a house on YouTube if you really want to. That is crazy.
SPEAKER_00:Seriously. I thought you were gonna be like a hammer, uh nails.
SPEAKER_03:No, no. I figured the screwdriver, that's the thing I use the most as someone who's not handy at all. But yeah, I definitely take that out.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I tried to keep it really basic. Like appreciate it. That's what we need. Yeah, like what do I use every week that I need? Like I literally keep screwdrivers in my kitchen because I'm always like, I need to open this, I need to do this, I need to do that. It's not with the rest of my tools. It's right in the it's with the ziploc bags. Doesn't make any sense, but that's where we go.
SPEAKER_03:Such a great skill.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, goodness.
SPEAKER_03:Well, Bon, this was such a fun episode. We so appreciate you coming on. We were so excited for for this one. We hope you enjoyed it. Come back anytime.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. I hope I live up to the expectations. And I would like to know that I was the number one follower, first follower. And this is true.
SPEAKER_02:I was gonna mention that.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, provide feedback to the crew, and I'm still listening, even though you're always talking about Taylor Swift. So obviously it's not deterring me from listening to the to the pod.
SPEAKER_00:Oh my god, yay! Yeah, Bon was like our first listener. Amazing. And now we have to have Melissa on. We're putting the call out for Melissa.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you should really, and she may maybe she'll tell you that I'm everything I said is a lie. Who knows? You never know. Can't wait. Can't wait.
SPEAKER_03:Well, this was a great episode. Definitely lived up to the hype. Thanks for everyone for listening in. We're gonna be back with an episode on Friday, and it's gonna be our Taylor Swift Life of a Showgirl episode.
SPEAKER_00:So make sure to tune in and make sure to like us, follow us, comment at us on social at Stitch it Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Tell everyone you know about us. And yeah, just share this episode. Thanks, Bob. Thanks, Bon.
unknown:Bye.
SPEAKER_00:Bye, everyone. Bye.