Snitchin
Tired of the daily grind and endless, unattainable influencer posts? Welcome to Snitchin, the podcast for the everyday woman. Take a break from your day and join two best friends as they get real about life, learn about new things, laugh, and build a community where everyone has a story to share. Reach out to us at snitchinpod@gmail.com - we would love to hear from you!
Snitchin
Episode 55: The One Where Amrutha Talks Dating Across Cultures and State Lines
On this episode we spend some time with our friend Amrutha, a fellow podcaster who provides community to other South Asian women. We discuss dating across cities and cultures, and from salsa nights to Vedic birth charts, we trace how identity shifts when we let ourselves be both strong and soft.
• Amrutha’s two podcasts and her purpose-driven storytelling
• Manhattan vs Austin dating norms and the small courtesies that matter
• Amrutha's worst first date story (it's a doozy....)
• How her identity as a South Asian women shaped her dating history, including discussion around family pressure, arranged marriage legacies, and timelines
• Vedic astrology and the role it plays in match-making
• Discussion around the role of karma in Hinduism and how it relates to dating
Make sure to like us, follow us, comment at us on social. We’re at Snitch and Pod on TikTok and Instagram. We will also be sure to link Amrutha’s podcast in our show description
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Ready? Ready? Ready. Woohoo! Hey everyone. Welcome back to the latest episode of Snitchen. It's your host, Kristen and Brittany.
SPEAKER_01:Get ready for the best part of your day.
SPEAKER_00:And we are very excited because it's Wednesday. We have a special guest episode. We are joined by a fellow podcaster, our friend here, Amrutha. Welcome.
SPEAKER_02:Hi, I'm so excited to be here. I'm I'm a big Snitchin fan.
SPEAKER_01:Hey. We're saying so much from a fellow podcaster.
SPEAKER_02:Ah, of course, of course. Yes, we all need to support each other in this podcast eat podcast world.
SPEAKER_00:A thousand percent. Podcaster supporting podcasters is what we're about here. And you are coming to us from Austin, Texas, correct? Yes, that is correct. Very exciting. Maybe the furthest that we've podcasted that we've had a guest. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I I'm honored. I'm honored to be that special, that special person.
SPEAKER_01:You're representing the western side of America.
SPEAKER_02:Is it considered Western? I guess so. I always see it as like South Central.
SPEAKER_00:I feel like Texas is its own thing. Like it's not middle America. It's not really West Coast South, like it's not the South. I just think it's like cowboys boots.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it is very like cowboy boots, cowboy hats, like my culture is not your costume. Like I literally had someone who grew up in like the like Dallasy area and all this other stuff. And she was like, no, like I love wearing cowboy boots and hats and bolo ties and things like that. You know, when people say my culture is not your costume, like that's how I'd feel. Like, I don't wear this stuff as like a joke. I'm like so ingrained in the culture of Western wear that I do wear it proudly. And I'm like, okay. That equestrian vibes in. Yeah, there you go. Right. Thank you, also, cowboy Carter. And you know, yes. That also definitely I feel like that also definitely brought more around. But I will say when I first came to Austin, I was I was like, oh, okay, no, people wear like cowboy boys like like legit. That's cool. Right, but I'm from the Northeast, so all of it for me, like the whole point of me moving out here was for like a whole new change of scenery. And so for me, I was very much like, huh, interesting. And now I say y'all very unironically, because everybody says it. And so it's just y'all know.
SPEAKER_01:That happened with to Kristen when she lived in South Carolina in college.
SPEAKER_00:Kind of a perfect segue because we should we should maybe give some background and take a step back. Yeah, yeah. Into how we all were introduced. So I agree. I went to school at Clemson in South Carolina. I had this weird period my freshman year where like I still had a bit of a Boston accent going, but then really wanted to incorporate the southern culture and the y'all. So it was just a hot mess. Like at some points, I'd be like, I'm wicked tied, y'all.
SPEAKER_02:And they'd be like, that's what I was hoping it would be. Because in my head, I was also like, oh, what a what a collection of accents.
SPEAKER_00:No, yeah. It was like, okay, clearly not from here. But we were introduced because one of my best friends from college, Nitton, married one of your best friends from childhood, Cavita. Yes. And we met at their wedding, which was three years ago, five years.
SPEAKER_02:They had a COVID wedding in 2020. But then, like the wedding wedding, the big old wedding, yeah, was I guess two a year, I don't even remember now.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, good for them for doing the real wedding. It was beautiful.
SPEAKER_02:It was like blah blah blah, big cat Indian wedding.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, my first Indian wedding, which was very exciting. A big tradition in Indian weddings is there's a lot of dancing and a lot of like choreograph dancing. One of the things that me and our friend, my friend Michelle, who is also our friend from Clemson, we were sent the dance to practice ahead of time when all the friends were to come. I remember that. I could not have taken this more seriously. I was like, hit our marks. Like I am not screwing this up.
SPEAKER_01:Were people really serious about it at the wedding?
SPEAKER_02:I would say it kind of depends on the person, right? It depends on how each person wants to take it seriously. I mean, because I'm already a dancer, I would I always tell other people who are not familiar, I'm like, it's honestly not that serious. Like it's like coming from a dance world where things can get very serious. I'm like, it's just a wedding, like, have fun. It's really not that serious. Like, as long as you can get your hands in the like right general direction, if everyone's going to the right, if you also go to the right or point to the right, like you're fine.
SPEAKER_00:No one's keeping score. Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Well, you were just saying something very sweet about Nitton. And I'm definitely gonna put you on the spot here.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, he's the only one of my like my friends' husbands that I have like a whole separate relationship with. And when I first met Nathan, I'd already moved away, and all our other friends had already like caught up and like knew the situation with this guy. And so, like when I came to town, like, oh, Kibita wants me to meet her boyfriend. And like, here, like, okay, brace ourselves, here we go. Like, because Kibita and I have been friends since we were 11 years old. So, like, you know, like here comes the like the childhood, like, you fuck with my bestie, like you will die. I will personally die.
SPEAKER_01:You gotta impress this girl, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Like, I'm the final, you know, final yay or naysayer here. So, like, I was like, all right, here we go, and meet him, and he's just like the most friendly guy, and like I see how he lights up my best friend, and I'm just like, All right, I guess, you know, that kind of gave my blessing. But then he also made it such a point to like be friends with me. Like, he got the assignment. He wanted his own relationship with you. I'm like, yeah, and he did, and we we to this day we call ourselves Berkman bros. Like people will not touch. She's like, I'm no, I'm good. But like, I'll go over and we'll tech, like, you know, he'll be like, You gotta try this, this whiskey, this bourbon. We'll send each other photos of like these are the cocktails on the list. I ordered this one, or these are the beers that I'm seeing today. No, I have a really delightful relationship with him separately from her.
SPEAKER_00:I love that. You know, I mean, yeah, shout out to those two. They're such a great couple, and they are the reason we're all here today. And we're gonna spend some time today talking about podcasting, and we're also gonna talk about dating, one of our favorite topics here on the pod. Yes, yeah. So that's kind of what we've got lined up on the docket. Maybe we should start with like talking about the pod. Yeah, tell us about your podcast.
SPEAKER_02:I have two podcasts that speak to like I am a single South Asian female, and so it's very much in that South Asian female space. One is from the network called Single to Shadi, single to shoddy, shoddy just means wedding. And that podcast is called Masala Musings. It's just essentially like spicy takes. So I call it my rant pod. Just like these are some thoughts I have. I'm not saying I'm correct. I'm just saying these are my thoughts and opinions. And maybe someone out there needs to hear them. Maybe someone out there also thinks the same thing and thinks that they're like the only one thinking it. And it's like, no, no, there's also me thinking all these things, and I'm just putting it out there so that people feel less alone. So I it's under this like single to you know, single to Shavi banner, but I always say I'm like, it's not necessarily because I'm single, it's just that like this is my this is my POV as someone who is single and South Asian and a woman. And then my other podcast is called Davy Diaries, Davy just means goddess, and so it's under the banner of House of Davy. And yeah, that one is actually a little bit more like, hey, I've had these experiences, and so I call them kind of like these are different diary entries of like, I'm discovering this about myself, and how did it come to be? And how did I find solace in that in my growth and development? And once again, like if there are women out there, especially South Asian women who are like afraid to like speak up, you know, they're they don't know what they're navigating. I'm like, hey, like I'm here, I'm gonna talk about all these things. And if you feel like it's helping you, fantastic. And if not, hit next. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:I actually listened to the I think it's the most recent one, and I like picked up on that that you said that you were like, Yeah, I mean, I'm not an expert. I'm just sharing my story in the event like it will resonate with someone else, or maybe it won't, but maybe it will just tell them to, you know, try something new. And I was like, Oh, I love that because that totally is like us too. We're like, we're not experts, yeah. We're just trying to like learn about new people, take what you will.
SPEAKER_02:I think I I was telling some people recently, I'm like, I feel like I got so much more into doing this because I I felt like I didn't know where to go, like when I had these thoughts and feelings and was going through this journey. So like I had to figure it out. And I'm not saying that it's not out there, it's just that I didn't find it if it is out there. It's more talking about like feminine energies and like, you know, we're all as women, we're always trying to balance being strong with being soft. I don't know about in your world, but I keep hearing this in my world of like, you know, being a strong, independent female, but then also like be in your soft era and like you know, it's so hard to balance both, yeah. Especially I think in a time where we were taught to be so like strong, independent female. Like, I don't need no man to do, you know. Yeah. But when I'm like, sometimes it's really nice when you have a man to just do things for you, and I'm like, I'm just a girl. Can I change attire or can I hang my own drapes? Of course I can. I just don't want to.
SPEAKER_00:I definitely feel like I struggle with that where I feel the need to present like the strong independent woman. Like I get very personal. I actually was just having this conversation with Michelle, the friend that we mentioned earlier. I was like, you know, there is like a part of me that sometimes as a single five, single 35-year-old woman, when I meet someone new, I feel like almost a like a defensiveness to kind of present as like this strong, independent woman who's got my stuff going on because I'm kind of in the back of my head, maybe assuming they're thinking something about me just by the single title, which is probably half in my head, but also I don't think it is. Like there are stereotypes out there for a reason. Yeah. So that's just interesting what you bring up about balancing like the hard and soft, because like I definitely sometimes struggle with that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and this whole point of like you're not alone, right? There's so many of us who are just by default, like get into like, yeah, I can take care of things all by myself. And like nobody takes care of me the way I take care of me, and I'm the best thing that happened to me. You know, like yeah, I was always, always, always presenting that way, you know. Like that was always my my thought process until I actually did meet someone and was casually dating this guy, and he didn't let me take care of me at all. He was like, I will take care of you, and I was like, that's really nice. I was very confused, yeah. But I was like, that's really nice. Like he would plug my phone in for me when he'd noticed the battery was low. I didn't say anything. Yeah, like you know, like little, so many little things, and I was just like so thrown off. Like, I was like, Are you falling in love with me? Like, I'm gonna need you to chill out just a second. He was like, like, no, I just really like you and I want to do these nice things. Is that okay? But love language, yeah. And I was like acts of service. He was like, You like doing nice things for other people, right? And I was like, Yeah, but you know, I'm just not used to it being for me.
SPEAKER_00:It's one of those things where it's like you almost don't want to admit that it's really nice, but then it's really nice. But also, Brittany, like you just said, that is such a love language. I love I'm such a love language gal. Love that we love the frameworks, we love the frameworks, yes. Acts of service. I have feel like I actually don't receive acts of service that well because of everything we just talked about. But Brittany, what's your like, don't you?
SPEAKER_01:Isn't that one of your favorite ones, acts of service? I think acts of service would be that's definitely how I show my love.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Gift giving? Oh. I'm words of affirmation 1000. But the guy that you were seeing. So that was that like pretty recent?
SPEAKER_02:When did that no, that was actually a couple of years ago now. I would say about three years ago. I had really hit a wall with dating. I was like on such a journey. I was like, gotta find my husband, and like really aggressively dating. Like, you know, like the universe will not give if you don't make an effort, right? Like I was like that mentality and was very like match here, match there, go to this event, that event, like really trying so hard. And then I just eventually hit a wall. Exhausting. Exhausting. Exactly. Right on cues. Yeah, I was exhausted. Sure, yeah. And so then I was just like, okay, I'm done with this. And I was just like, I need a break. I don't want to, I don't, I'm tired of trying to find a husband right now. And my mom was like, No, you lose the momentum. And I was like, I just I can't. Yeah, I can't, sure. And then I went for a salsa night that I'd always that it was like close to my apartment, and I was like, I you know what, I've been meaning to go, I'm gonna finally go. And that very first night I went is when I met this guy, and I call him salsa guy on my on my Instagram because I don't like to put names out there. Salsa guy was really cute and made it known that he was a really nice guy, and he had asked me to dance because that's how social dancing goes, and you know, and I danced with him, and then he was like, Oh, do you know how to do bachata? And I was like, Not really, just kind of know like this basic thing. He's like, That's really all you need to know. I'll find you for that as well. And I was like, Okay, sure. You know, air quotes of like he's not going to, but whatever. And then he did follow through. Wow. Again, bar and house. Then I decided I wasn't gonna ask him out, and if I saw him the next week, like then I'll say something. And I literally left out of one door, walked around, and it was like the universe was like, Nope, go back. I literally walked out of one door, turned around, and walked back in from another door to the same venue. And because everyone was dancing, I asked, I asked a waiter. I tapped a waiter in and I was like, Hey, do you see that guy over there? I want to ask him out. But like clearly everyone's busy. Can I write my number on like a little like note or something? Do you mind giving it to him? Cute. And she was like, Oh my god, yes. Who is it? That's hilarious. I was like so excited to get involved. And so I wrote out a little thing. I was like, Would you like to grab a drink sometime? Just as I was folding it up and like identifying him to send the you know waitress over, the music like stopped and it was a little break, and I was like, Oh, never mind, I guess I'll just go do this myself, and then exchange of numbers, and then he like immediately planned a date. First date, he brought me chocolate. Oh my gosh. I was like when he was 70. Like, who does this? No, for real. Eight years younger than me. Gen Z.
SPEAKER_01:So how did that go?
SPEAKER_02:I mean, it was a delightful six weeks, and this is where it is. Like, he was so in his masculine that I was forced to be in my feminine, and I was so like, what do I do here? The first time he stayed over, I woke up to him making breakfast in my kitchen as though I was in a rom-com. Like, wow making breakfast in my kitchen. And my first thought, my first thought, this man went through my fridge and my pots and pans and doesn't even know what I'm using what for and just decided to decide for himself. And I was like, You're you're you're focusing on the wrong thing. There's a half-naked, really cute guy who's so nice to you trying to make you breakfast to surprise you in the morning.
SPEAKER_01:I also love a guy who would go to salsa dance lessons. Like I don't know if he was on his own, but that's so cool.
SPEAKER_02:He was, yeah. And so, yeah, and so that from there it was like a whole journey of like over those six weeks of just like this fun. I was like, oh, I'm really starting to like trust that like good guys really do exist and like not all of the like, you know, I felt like this was a lesson I had to learn.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, for sure. I feel like there's people that you date that even if it doesn't work out, either they just helped you kind of get just recognize, even like you're saying that you know there's nice guys out there. Maybe I do someone want someone who can take care of me a little bit more than I realized. So 100%. Was Salsa Man in Austin when you met him? Yes, yeah. So I think that's something we're curious about because you're originally from New Jersey, right? And did you live there up until you moved to Texas?
SPEAKER_02:I was one of those New Jersey, New York people where like I was working in Manhattan for like five years. And then yeah, just wanted something different and told myself if I didn't get out of here and try something different before I was 30, I was like, I'm never gonna do it. But I think on the other side of 30, then I was like, I would have done it. You just don't know it when you're like 27 and you're like, I'm barreling towards 30 and I need a change. Um so I yeah, my younger brother had just graduated college and was moving to Texas, he was moving to Dallas, and so I was like, that's not fair. I want to be able to do that. And all my friends were like, You can. You're aware you can make that decision if you would like, right? And I was like, Oh, that's true. And so my friends were all like, Great, both kids in one state, go take care of each other.
SPEAKER_00:Like, you know, I mean, that's amazing. It's nice to have someone, you know, close by. That's you know, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:My brother since moved back, but but yeah, but it kind of got me out there. I tried Dallas, I did not like it. And so Austin, I fell in love with quickly and and met some great people. And so I was out here, and for the first year or so, I made it a point to not date. Because I was like, the point is to make friends. I don't want to like date and find it exhausting, or like even if I meet someone and then like make friends through their yeah, like not of your own friends. And then what if it doesn't work out? Then it becomes awkward. So it was very much of the like, I have to make my own friends, yeah. And so did the bumble BFF thing. I did make two friends, one immediately moved away, like soon after, and it was like just before COVID, too, because I moved in 2019, and then the other one also like decided to move, I think, back to Dallas to where her husband's family was or whatever, something like that. So they didn't really last very long, but I did it.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, good for you. I'm wondering on the dating front to go back to that. I mean, like, do you did you find that there was a big difference dating? Because we did have one of Britney's college friends on Christiana, who lives in Manhattan, she's from Boston. We asked her that same question because I always assumed that in New York it was a little bit of there's so many people that and this is just how it is in general with dating app culture that you can kind of always think that there's someone else, like on to the next, on to the next. Yeah. I thought that would be heightened in Manhattan. She said she didn't really think so. She felt that it was similar, the same challenges that you see in New York, she saw in Boston. So obviously, like there's big cultural differences too, going from Manhattan to Austin compared to maybe like two northeastern cities. What do you like? How has that impacted your dating life, you think?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, the biggest thing that I noticed was like the courteousness of like, do you have any restrictions, dietary restrictions, or is there a place like what area are you in? And like the the courtesy of like picking a place that's not too far away. And so I noticed that and I thought that was really lovely. That and I also was like, I don't know if it was like an age thing, like dating in my 20s in Manhattan versus like dating in my late 20s into my 30s, and you know, the the age bracket kind of going up into it more into 30s and just like some guys being a little bit more like I don't I don't know, right? Because it was such a weird cuspy time. So I moved when I was like 28. So I wasn't really sure. I would like to think it's like the southern hospitality aspect of things where it's like, oh, I the least I can do is at least ask these things. Do you have any places that you'd like? Like, what do you like to drink? Like, maybe I can suggest a place or like what area do you live in so I can pick something that's midway or like you don't mind getting to. And so I really appreciated that because I felt like it was, I don't know, like a different kind of effort in Manhattan, where it was like, would you just like to meet at this this bar? I don't know. It was just like so easy to find a bar or restaurant to go to. Yeah. Right. And it's like in I think the Manhattan culture is also like you have to talk about like what the location is, and like, you know, oh, what part of the city are you in? And like, you know, and it's like a whole talk track to like figure out how to meet each other. Yeah. And so I that I felt really nice about. I also know that when I was in my 20s, and I would put like my profession is, you know, in a broad sense in event planning, but I'm like an events manager, advanced strategist, like event marketing. And so when I was in my 20s, I guys would be like, Well, you're an event person, why don't you come up with a date? And I'm like, that Britney, I love your eye roll, I roll. I was like, you can't even do this one thing to try to like you can't pick a spot to me, and you want to put it on me just because and so I started remove, I removed it.
SPEAKER_00:And I would close being like, oh, you're an accountant, like can you do my like I mean, maybe not to eat our taxes? Like, what now?
SPEAKER_02:They're like, yeah, of course, no.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah. I do think there is something though to, I mean, obviously, I was only in the south when I was in my young 20s, but I do think there's a point of pride that a lot of you know, southern men have about taking charge, very traditional and picking up the check, opening the doors. I remember the first time I ever had a guy stand on the outside of me walking down the street so that I would be farther away from the street and potential danger with traffic. I was like, what are you doing? Yeah. Clutch my pearl, fan myself. No, there's something really charming about it.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, very much so. So, but I mean, like, also Austin that has a bad rap for dating as well. That I've only seen the longer I've been here, the more I've tried dating out here. Oh, really? Um, and so yeah, there's like studies that like it's like one of the worst cities to date in, and all this other stuff. Why? You know, I'm not really sure. I just kind of went, you know, it is what it is. I am now I'm in a place where now I'm of like the firm belief that like in my feminine, like if he wants to, he will. And I'm just open to it. And I don't, I don't, I'm not on any dating apps anymore. Like meeting Salsa guy, and there was another guy that I met just out in the wild. And I'm like, those, even if they haven't panned out to like end in marriage or like a long, long relationship or something, they have felt more fulfilling. Where like I had a great experience, even if it didn't have the kind of ending that I would have liked to have. I still had a really great experience, and so my firm belief now is that like I will meet my person out in the wild when I least expect it, because that's what's so far felt the best to me. And I'm like, I would rather just be open to that lovely experience.
SPEAKER_00:But what was Christiana telling us? We were kind of talking about this similar thing too of just where we meet people, sing up about sit at the bar September.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, sit at the bar September. I forgot about that.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I think it was like you get dressed up and like go and just sit at a bar alone and see who comes up to you.
SPEAKER_00:Maybe bring a book if you want or not, or just sit there, enjoy your own company, and then see if someone approaches you, but meet someone out in the wild.
SPEAKER_02:Fully love that, and I do do that. I call it romanticizing myself. If there is a cute ass situation, I want a guy to come up to me, I'm gonna put myself in that cute ass situation, right? Like, if I want to be reading at a bar with a glass of wine and have a guy come up to me and be like, nobody ever sits at a bar with a book. Like, what are you reading? You know, like if I want to find myself in that like rom, rom-commy, like whatever that kind of cute situation, I gotta put myself in that situation. Even if it doesn't end up with like somebody talking to me, I just had a cute night where, like, yeah, you know, I am that hero or that heroine in the movie who every now and then takes herself out for a glass of wine to a nice bar and brings her book. And whoever feels like they want to join won't be afraid to quote interrupt my reading or like yeah to participate in whatever joy I'm giving myself.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, just taking yourself out for dinner for a glass of wine, something like that, you do feel a sense of empowerment because not everyone can do that. Though when you do and you actually just like live in it, it is it feels really good.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Well, first off, I'm curious because just since you mentioned that Austin has a reputation for being one of the worst dating cities, which I didn't know. But do you have a worst for first date story? Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I do. And it was funny because I was also gonna mention it before when we were talking about like southern hospitality. But one of the worst dates I had was it started off really great. I was really excited to meet this guy. It was off of bumble or something, and we went to dinner and we were talking and talking, and I was like, oh, like I could really see this going somewhere. Like, I'm kind of I'm like into him. And I'll say it this way that I was like, oh, I would, I would totally sleep with him also. Like I could see my like I could see us getting into it. And then he said something about how all fat people are always just are just making excuses to stay fat. And I'm like, What? Oh, I'm sorry, what now? Oh, that's a per call for a day. And I was like, what about people who have like health issues and like you know, like yeah, like you know, moving past the fact that it's first of all just a fucked up thing to say, but I was like, but but what about people with health issues? And he's like, they're just they're just making excuses. Anybody can like figure it out and get it together and lose the weight. He was like, I did, you know, and I was like, oh, oh no, okay, well, as someone who is a very grew up very self-conscious, grew up with a lot of body dysmorphia and all this other stuff, I was like, okay, now I've gone from like totally being willing to take my clothes off in front of him to being like, nope, absolutely not. And so we got into like a whole argument around it to the point where it just was like too heated and contentious, and I was like, I'm out of here, I'm out of here. But like somewhere in the middle, like the the waiter came back and like dropped off the check, and he took the check, and I was like, Do you want to split it? And he was like, He was like, No, no, I got like okay, thank you. But you know what you're saying about continuous conversation, but yet he was still very like, I got this, uh the dinner's on me because it's a date, and so I thought it was I was just like, but still, and I like ended up storming off. I was like, I'm done, I'm gonna go, thank you for dinner, like goodbye. And I left, and because the universe has a sense of humor, I like kind of twisted my ankle on my way, like and my storming out, but you don't feel that thing where like you think you're walking really confidently in heels, and then God's like, Joe, step in a crack, yeah. Oh, it's not I wasn't even wearing high heels, like it was like one of those really like short heel chunky sandal things, and I was like, still like yourself, and I was like, then I walked to a different parking garage just in case he was following me, because you know, females and protection and things, and you never know when a guy's quote that angry enough to like do something crazy. So I walked to a completely different parking garage, called one of my friends, and I was like, Oh, dating fucking sucks. I just had a dinner with this guy and blah blah blah. And she was like, Well, good to know that she had moved away from Austin. She was like, Good to know, Austin dating scene has not changed. And after like 15, 20 minutes, I like walked back to my car and just kind of like calmed down and drove home. But yeah, that's probably my one of my not so hot dates. I've had some pretty bad ones. I would say actually, go ahead and listen to my podcast. Um I have a whole episode on dating dangers and how some of my other dates are just dating excursions, I guess, experiences have been even more dangerous. I guess it's more of a danger thing than just a bad date. Like that was a bad date.
SPEAKER_00:I feel like though, with that story, like a couple of things. So, A, if he was someone who was overweight, I would think that there would be a little bit more empathy on.
SPEAKER_02:That's what I would think. I was so shocked when he also was like, I lost a bunch of weight.
SPEAKER_00:And I was like, Yeah, so you know that it's like you would think that there would be a little bit of empathy about what it's like to like A, be in a bigger body and not be so judgmental. But then B, it's like, how do you expect me to be, like you said, just like confident taking my clothes off around you? I'm gonna think now that you are constantly looking down my body.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, exactly. That was good too. I just I couldn't, I could not compute, and that's how it turned into an argument, I think. No, because I was just like, please try to explain to me. And then I was like, no, this is stupid.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I guess.
SPEAKER_02:Um, so then I just got like progressively angrier rather than I think like the me today, if that was what was brought up, I would just be like, huh, okay. And then I would be like check, please, or like I'm just gonna go. Right now, and like I wouldn't even ask for an explanation. I'd be like, that's that's just that's a hard no. Oh yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Word of advice to men, don't even say the word fat on a date. Okay. Hundreds.
SPEAKER_00:Like it's it should be no-brainer a thousand person. I feel like we kind of can come full circle, kind of because we talked about when we opened how we met. I had mentioned to you that that was my first Indian wedding, Nitin Kabita's wedding. And I'm curious as a South Asian woman, like how you feel your culture has impacted your dating life, if at all. So what would you say?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I mean, very much so. It's like so, it's so such a point of pride, just in society in general, right? To be married. But in in South Asian culture, it feels so much. I think I feel I personally feel like it's weighted so much heavier because it's like that is the order of things that you're supposed to do. And because the South Asian culture also has like this known system of like arranged marriages where it's like you know, two horoscopes are are compared, and like, you know, you're sometimes your parents are picking people for you, and it's just like only recently it's like, okay, once you get your education, then you can get married. But like, you know, my grandmother got married at 16 and had her first kid at 19, right? Like that's just that's just how things go. Like, my mother got married at 30, and 35 years ago, that was a big deal. That was considered late. And now I'm about to be 35 and I'm still not married. And I remember at 27, my mom was like, Well, you should start considering it now because you'll take a year to date someone, and then you'll be engaged for the year. And so by the time you get married, you'll be 30. Yeah, so there's like all this weight to it, and obviously, also as a woman like getting older and like talking about the fertility of things and all this other stuff, like that adds to it. And when you have a whole culture where all these aunties are like, Why aren't you getting married? or why, why haven't you settled down yet? Like, that's kind of like they take the liberty to let that be the first things out of their mouth when they see you. And I I once had, I think I can remember the first comment about me being like making a beautiful bride one day was when I was 16. Interesting. Someone in the in the in the like family-friend circle was like, Oh, she's gonna make a beautiful bride one day, like she's gonna get snapped up quickly to get married, you know, something along those lines. And that was like, I haven't even finished high school yet. Like, relax. People in the South Asian community easily saying, like, oh, she's gonna make a great bride, or like she's gonna be a wonderful wife, or like she's gonna get snapped up and get married soon. Like, all these things, it's just kind of so commonplace in the South Asian culture. That's where like the navigation of it is like, like, yes, you'll be the first to know Auntie when I get married, or like I've even been like, Do you know someone you can set me up with? And they're like, Oh, you're open to being set up. And I'm like, I'm still single, it's clearly affecting you. Try to fix it, you know? And I think only now with the more like with more conversations out there about like how tough dating can be, and the the the pursuit of finding like that right partner that feels right to you, and not just simply settling because horoscopes match, or like that guy has a good job and can provide for you, kind of being the you know, the short list of things. I do see now more like my mom talking to other aunties out there who have daughters my age or a similar age, saying that, like, yeah, my daughter's saying it's really tough. Yeah. And they're let they're letting us know that it's not like they're not trying, it's just rough out there. And even my mom has been ghosted by other moms trying to set up their sons.
SPEAKER_00:Oh my god. I'm like, welcome. Yeah. Can I ask? Are horoscopes in a part of you mentioned horoscopes when you were talking about arranged marriages? Is that a component when people are setting people up? Yes.
SPEAKER_02:Yes. Oh my god. Like, so I'll use I'll use Kavita Nittin as a great example. They their original horoscope match was to also figure out what is the most auspicious day to get married. That's why their like COVID wedding date was the date that it was. They were their parents would not allow them to keep the same date, like in you know, the post-COVID wedding, like the big wedding, because that date is not an auspicious date. So a different date had to be picked, which is why it was in June or whatever, which is like also both of their birthdays in June, and they're like, June is chock full of crap. But they're also like, we're gonna follow our original like COVID wedding anniversary because like June has too much going on, and we can't throw an anniversary in there, also. Yeah. But it's because of the horoscope match of saying, like, okay, this is these are the these are the two people, where what what are the auspicious dates so that this this union is like blessed properly, and there's a specific like auspicious time that like, and at this time period, so like like from 11 to 12 or 11 to 11:30 Eastern time will be the best time to do like the main component of like, and with this that they're married, you know, like where the tying of the Mongol Sutra, which is we don't do rings traditionally, it's like this necklace that uh that the that the bride wears that's you know put on by the husband and tied by the leave the husband's sister or sister figure, the certain amount of knots, etc. etc. I'm not gonna get into it, but like all these little components to like make the union so strong and bonded and you know, to go seven lifetimes and all this stuff. It's like such a big deal in our not just culture, but also the religion, like of Hinduism and and stuff. So we are all we all have birth charts. Uh, I mean, everyone, anybody can have a growth chart, right? Like you find out your sun, and rising and all this other stuff. So, like, yeah, like I'm gonna be like, we're on co-star. You know, I got that. You know I got that. Yeah, me too. And so, like, aside from that, like Vedic astrology is like a whole a whole thing. And I had my Vedic chart read at some point, and I was I was told that you know, my career or my love life are not gonna settle until after 35. And according to my astrology, my love life is a shit show. My career, my career is also a shit show. Like, you know, it's like everything is just gonna be extra difficult. It's not that I'm not gonna accomplish anything, everything's just gonna be extra difficult, and that my my love life versus my married life. My love life is shit, but my married life is awesome. Like, I've been told my my mare, like my marriage is gonna be amazing, I'm gonna get everything that I want out of it, it's gonna be a beautiful, wedded, bliss life, and all this other stuff. And I'm like, great, because everything else has been garbage. Like, if anything, I'm owed it.
SPEAKER_01:Like, yeah, you're some kind of balance here.
SPEAKER_02:So, so that's where when I got my like they the birth chart read, I was like, okay, you know, some of those make sense. If she asked me, she was like, Are you an older sister or do you have a younger brother? And I was like, Yes. How do you know that? She's like, It's in your chart, and I was like, That's bananas because he was born after me. Yeah, you know, like, how is that just it's just like it's this belief that things are predestined for you? Also, astrology is not a hundred percent accurate because then that would mean that humans are god and that's not the same thing.
SPEAKER_00:That's like a component then of Hinduism, right? Because I don't know much about Hinduism, but is that a part of like the predestination?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, like so karma, right? Like, you know, what goes around so so your lives with like karm karmic pursuits, and so sometimes there are things that have to happen to you because it has to clear out past karma, because in Hinduism, reincarnation is the belief, like you, you know, you're reborn multiple times, and so in this life, you have to clear out the debts of your past life. That's why not one person's life is like seamless, perfectly. You know, there's gonna be things that, and it can be like the smallest thing to where, like, you know, you like lose money to or not, you know, depend, you know, like, oh, I lost a hundred bucks or whatever, versus like you got hit by a bus, like you know, extreme examples of something small versus something like a lot bigger. It's like somehow it's always like it had to happen because you must have done something in a past life where like this is the cancellation for it, yeah. Yeah, like they'll cancel each other out, so you're not taking even more karma into your next life from a previous life.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my gosh, the topic. Oh it's probably the flip side too, right? No, I know.
SPEAKER_02:Like, can you get good karma from being good in a past life? And yes, and so then there's some other things of like, oh, the good deeds from my past life get paid off in this way and that way. So a lot of times bringing it back to marriage, it's like, oh, your husband is so great because you must have done so many good things in your past life to deserve such a great partner, to deserve such a great husband, to deserve such a great life.
SPEAKER_00:Well, girl, you must do some great stuff in that past life because your marriage is always looking good.
SPEAKER_02:You know, whatever that house of marriage and all that other stuff is, like if it's shining bright, like I'm just waiting. I turn 35 in three months. And so I know like it's not gonna be like 35th birthday, boom, I meet my husband and everything works out, but I'm just kind of like, cool, like let's wrap this up.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:My my last kind of question on this is Did you ever feel any pressure to to marry someone else who's South Asian? Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_02:I definitely got, I think like with time, the pressure of that has gotten less and less. Yeah. But yeah, I definitely did get it in the beginning of like the same caste, which I'm not even gonna get into the caste system, but if you're if anybody is understanding it, just Google it. And there's various castes, and it's technically illegal in in India to even follow it anymore, but it's still like a known thing, and so it was like a caste thing. Then it was like, well, it doesn't have to be a caste thing, but like a language thing. And then it was like, Okay, well, it doesn't have to be a language thing, it could be just a Hindu, and then now I think my parents are like just figure it out, but it was a point of pressure for me too, where it was also like I thought I wanted the same things, and so then I was also pursuing what my parents wanted for me, and then I was like, Well, no, I'm gonna make my own decisions, and then somehow I actually looped back around to being like, actually, there's nothing wrong with also wanting the same cultural beliefs and all this, you know, having those points of similarities where it's just like I don't have to explain it to you, like you just get it.
SPEAKER_00:It's interesting that happens though, that like that psyche type of thing of like, well, like I'm not gonna do what everyone expects of me. And then being like, okay, but that's not saying you're not like losing, quote unquote, against your parents if you know, it's totally I feel like a lot of people in a lot of different ways do that.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I actually did end up like talking to a guy that was like technically like checked all the boxes in in that way, like same cast, same language, like older than me by a couple of years, like steady job, like so many things. And I was also attracted to him. Like I was in shock. And I was like, I was just shocked that, like, oh my god, it is also very much possible that I find a guy with all of it, all the things, and obviously it didn't work out. That was also like a weird, like, oh, like, yeah, I knew like, quote, it was it's fine to, you know, it's okay if you end up with someone who has this all the same thing. But then when I did actually like someone with all the same cultural and religious factors, I was like, Whoa, that's crazy that I actually do somehow find it a lot, like there's another level of attraction there where I was like, oh damn, like you also get it on so many levels. I don't know. I just like found it. I was like, whoa, like that's kind of hot.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. So this is what everyone's talking about.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah. And so you know, we'll we'll see. I'm very much now open to like as long as it makes sense and I'm happy, like, who cares? You know, we will whatever is meant to be will be, right? K Sarasarab.
SPEAKER_00:What a great way. We should end on that note. What shall be will be.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, what's meant to be is meant to be. It's words to live by. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00:This has been so much fun.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you so much for having me. This was a delight. Please have me back.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yay. I know we're gonna have to check in once you turn 35. I know the next day and be like, listen, y'all.
SPEAKER_02:We'll definitely have you back. But yeah. Oh, like you have to make one call back. Yes. Your episode about Emma Watson, y'all never made your snitch joke. Yeah. You had all you had a whole tangent about Harry Potter, and then I was waiting for you to drop like a like, and we're snitching, like golden snitch, like hello. And I was like, Oh, opportunity, golden snitch opportunity missed.
SPEAKER_03:Damn it.
SPEAKER_02:And I needed to bring it back up so that I could feel better.
SPEAKER_01:No, we saw the play too, and we didn't even pick up on that.
SPEAKER_02:So I just have to like button that up for y'all.
SPEAKER_01:We get like a golden snitch of the month or something.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I like that.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Well, thanks for everyone for tuning in. We'll be back on Friday with another episode.
SPEAKER_01:Make sure to like us, follow us, comment at us on social. We're at Snitch and Pod on TikTok and Instagram. We will also be sure to link Amrutha's podcast in our show description. So if you want to hear more about more from her.
SPEAKER_02:If you know where to find her, yes, please. Thanks so much. This was a blast. Yes, same. Thank you all so much.
SPEAKER_00:Bye, everyone. Bye.