Snitchin
Tired of the daily grind and endless, unattainable influencer posts? Welcome to Snitchin, the podcast for the everyday woman. Take a break from your day and join two best friends as they get real about life, learn about new things, laugh, and build a community where everyone has a story to share. Reach out to us at snitchinpod@gmail.com - we would love to hear from you!
Snitchin
Episode 64: The One About Finding Love and Being Brave With Melissa
On this episode we sit down with our friend Melissa to talk about a variety of topics, from her coming out journey, to calling off her engagement, to finding the love of her life, to what it's like being a ketamine nurse AND pediatric nurse at Boston Children's Hospital. Melissa shows us why everything doesn't have to be so black and white.
• We start with Melissa's childhood growing up on a Rhode Island farm and moving to Boston
• Her coming out story, including her first sober kiss with a woman and how she came out to her family
• How ending an engagement made her reframe her own strength and what bravery really means
• Meeting her wife Brianna (aka our bestie Bahn) two years after her engagement
• What it's like giving ketamine infusions: process, effects and safety
• What her role working as a nurse at Boston Children's Hospital is like
• Melissa ends with practical advice for coming out and staying open
• Her top 5 Taylor Swift songs
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Ready?
SPEAKER_01:Ready.
SPEAKER_00:Hey everyone. Welcome back to the latest episode of Snitchin.
SPEAKER_01:It's your host, Kristen and Brittany. Get ready for the best part of your day.
SPEAKER_00:And it's Wednesday, which you know what that means. We are back, baby, with another guest episode. We're so excited about this one. We are joined by our friend Melissa here, who is married to a friend of the pod. You all know her already, Bond. She came on the pod to talk about her coming out journey. And we have now her wife Melissa here. So we're gonna get both sides of the story on like how you guys met. I feel like you guys are gonna say like different things.
SPEAKER_02:Well, thank you for having me.
SPEAKER_00:I'm happy to be here. We're so excited to have you. It's gonna be great. Um, so yeah, let's like jump right in because we have so much to talk about with Melissa, not just her relationship with Bon, but we also want to hear about her coming out journey. Um, a fun fact about Melissa, which we'll talk about is that she was previously engaged prior to meeting Bond and called off that engagement. So we are very curious to hear how you dealt with that. And then she also has a very big girl job. She is a big nurse.
SPEAKER_01:Interesting job. Interesting job.
SPEAKER_00:Interesting job and um academy nurse. So we're definitely going to be talking a little bit about life at her job. So yeah, it's gonna be a great episode. Melissa, why don't we just start off with a little like get to know you? Um, just tell us like where you're from and maybe a little bit about where you grew up, your family, just to kind of set the stage.
SPEAKER_02:Sure. Um, I grew up in Rhode Island in North Smithfield, Rhode Island. It's um on a farm, which is probably one of the most interesting things about me. So I grew up riding horses, we had chickens, my parents still have cows, 100-acre farm. It's been in our family for a very long time. I should, I shouldn't know exactly how long, but I don't. So I lived in Rhode Island up until I moved to Boston, but I went to uh Catholic high school and then went moved to Boston freshman year of college, stayed in Boston from freshman year of college until I moved to Canton. So Canton was my first trip back to the birds, really. I only went home for two summers once I moved away, and then I always just stayed in Boston. Do you miss the farm life? Um a little bit, a little bit. Cut try baling hay in a hundred-degree heat, throwing hay bales and all that, and cutting grass. I I've known how to cut grass since I was about six years old, which is another funny fact about my sister was too skinny to ride the riding lawnmower, but I was the chuggier sister, so I might I wouldn't bounce, I was heavy enough so the lawnmower wouldn't shut off.
SPEAKER_00:That's hilarious. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, so fun fact, my sister is due to have her baby any day now, so I'll be an auntie for the second time for my sister. So and it's a I secretly hope she lasts till Friday because I turned 35 on Friday, but we'll see.
SPEAKER_00:Well, it's so exciting. Congratulations. First off, happy early birthday. And then also, yeah, on being an auntie for the second time. So it's just you and your sister, right? And you're the older.
SPEAKER_02:Younger.
SPEAKER_00:You're the younger.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, my sister's 36, and then I'm almost 35. And then my parents have been together since they were 15 and 17, and they're married. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Dang, that's like now being 35, do you feel? I mean, it was a different time also, I know, with our parents and especially our grandparents' generation, but the high school sweetheart of it all, I'm like, that's wow. I mean, just think about who you were at 15. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, I'm no, I'm not saying it's a negative, I think that's amazing, but well, as we'll talk about in a little bit, I've lived about a hundred lives since then. So totally. But yeah, their their marriage is like so admirable. So they're very they're very cute. Oh. And they only have my sister and I in their late 30s. So they've been together for a long time before having us. So my parents were a little bit older when they had us.
SPEAKER_00:Cool. I think a lot of people don't realize that New England has even has farms. Do you know? Have you ever, you know what I mean? Yeah. Well, Western Mass.
SPEAKER_01:Totally. Just kind of like its own state.
SPEAKER_02:We're really fortunate because we had this 100-acre farm, but we were 10 minutes from school, 10 minutes from the movies, you know, everything was right near us. We're 20 minutes from Providence, so it was in only an hour to Boston. So we had this very country upbringing, but also was super close to everything. So it's not like I was out in the middle of nowhere.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it makes a difference.
SPEAKER_02:Definitely.
SPEAKER_00:But maybe we start there. Like, when did you first come out? Like, what's what's the what let's talk about that story?
SPEAKER_01:I I feel like Bond said you had a gay awakening. I think that is.
SPEAKER_02:I think that's correct. I think she colored it my whole like coming of age journey to be probably way way way more interesting than it actually was. But um, I would say, I mean, I only really kind of ex I guess you could say I hate the word like explore things, but after I had moved away from home, I mean I went to Catholic school, so and there wasn't really any a lot of out queer people when I was in school, similar to what Brianna said. But when I was thinking about this, knowing I was gonna be talking to you guys, I the first thing that comes to mind is do you remember when Gray's Anatomy was like super sexy back in the day? I don't know if you guys watched it, like Mary Gray and all that. So I was my one of my friends that I played volleyball with, uh, we would just watch Grays together in her basement all through high school. And I always was like, I wonder what it would be like if we just made out right now, like bear watching, like we're watching Grey's Anatomy. And I always just thought, like, what if I kissed her? But we were we were best friends, we both always have boyfriends. Um, nothing ever happened, but that was that was always the first thought that kind of came in my mind, and I just let it sit there and moved on. But my and in retrospect, a funny thing is that my dad used to call me one month Melissa in high school because I'd have these boyfriends, but I would lose interest after a month. Like not for any, like not for any reason. It was just like you're nice, but uh it's alright. Like, I'm I'm good, thank you though. Um yeah, so then when I went to college, I was in this new city, had all you know, just not being next to your parents and people that you know, you have this time to kind of start fresh. So I was definitely that drunk girl that made out with all of her friends. Um I kind of started that journey freshman year, and then sophomore year of college, I was still doing that, but then had my first kind of sober girl crap girl kiss with someone from school, and I was like, oh fuck, like this all makes sense. And the my first you know, sober girl kiss on like a weekday afternoon was with a girl who was like such a flirt. I knew it wasn't gonna end up well, but it I just ended up.
SPEAKER_00:But I could see why like a sober interaction, because I remember back in the day in college, like girls would like kiss a lot of times to get the attention of boys, you know, like there would be like a make out or whatever, always alcohol involved. So I could see how the first sober experience, you're like, oh, wait a minute, this might be a little bit different than what you know, just drunk fun.
SPEAKER_02:We stayed the the sober girl kiss, we stayed texting for a couple weeks, and then naturally, you know, she moved on to someone else because I wasn't out and no, like no hard feelings. And then um, outside of a gay bar with my gay barista friend from my um cat my cafe job, like crying about this girl. I think they might I think this might actually be a real thing. Yeah, and then I've had some I had from there, I I dated someone from my nursing program for about two years and had a few other long-term relationships after that. Um, but I wasn't from say say that was around 20, that first interaction. I didn't come out for or probably I was like 19, I didn't come out till I was 23. Oh my to my family. To my family.
SPEAKER_00:What was like your hesitancy with doing that? It's it's a scary thing. Yeah, the obvious, but I guess specific to you.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, um I came out to my friends like pretty quickly after I my first like I started dating um someone from my nursing uh program. And coming out to my friends was was no problem. My girlfriend at the time actually called me babe in front of my sister, so that was how I came out to my sister, and my sister was super cool about it. But I don't know, it was just one of those things that I was just so scared, and I just I just wasn't, I just wasn't ready, and I didn't want to come out and kind of implode everything on my parents if if I didn't know I was still figuring things out myself, so I definitely kind of was living a double life. I had my Boston friends and my Boston social life, my relationships there, and then I would go home to the farm and my mom would be like, You dating anyone? And I'd be like, No, no, you know, yeah, it's tough. So and it was tough because I was one month Melissa in high school, and I haven't had a boyfriend in five years, or you know, like so many years. And I was almost hoping that they would ask me, but it never did.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, probably like kind of worked out in your favor that your friend spilled the beans or your girlfriend a time spilled the beans to your sister.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, kind of made it easier. Rip that band-aid off.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And her and my sister um got along really well. Um, so it that was that was totally fine. My sister was very cool about it all.
SPEAKER_00:That's great. I mean, I feel like there's some similarities to what Bond told us too with that. And and to bring it back to what you said before, and we talked about this when she came on the pod, just setting the stage of the time where there really weren't that many people that I mean, people were out, but it wasn't, I think, as uh common as it is today for teenagers.
SPEAKER_02:So there was also kind of like a stigma because I went to Simmons, which is an all-girls school. All girls, yeah. And even though I had these thoughts in my head even before I got to Boston, there there was a little bit of a stigma. Oh, oh, like you're just like making out with girls because you go to Simmons. Like you just, you know, and I was so nervous to have that type of stigma on me. But now, like you said, it's 2025. People have you know, people do kind of whatever they want, which is so awesome. You don't have to have a conversation this whole conversation about it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah, for sure.
SPEAKER_01:I think it's so interesting that like you and Bon, I feel like both kind of had to like figure it out. Like it, I don't know. To me, it's always presented that like if you're gay, you're gay, you know. You know, yeah, it's just interesting to me that like it kind of took you that took you a little bit to figure it out. And it started as like a little inkling, like, oh, maybe I what would happen if I made out with this girl or whatever.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and it was just you know, you grow up watching Disney movies where it's a prince and a princess, or your parent, you know, your family's like, oh, I wonder what your husband's gonna look like. So, in some ways, too, it's ex I was re-exposed to oh, you know, you can have this queer life and still, I can still be a nurse full time, I can still own a house. Like, and now I'm married to someone that can fix more things than most men I know. Like facts, definitely more than my husband. Facts. And I would I um, you know, and I think everyone's journey into queerness is definitely definitely doesn't have to be a black and white thing, even when I was still exploring and in between long-term relationships with girls. I would I had gone on dates with guys and were so it was like, oh yeah, now I remember why I don't do that. But there was definitely there was definitely back and forth.
SPEAKER_00:And you're right, like I guess with straight people, like you don't really that's that the media that you're presented with is how you feel, so you don't, you know, it's just different, like and I yeah, I'm very mindful of that now because I've experienced that, you know.
SPEAKER_02:If if someone wants to tell me on Wednesday that they're they're they have a girlfriend, but on you know, next time I see them they have a boyfriend, I'll be like, cool, yeah. I mean, I've done that, I guess. You know, yeah, whatever makes you happy. Yeah, I I think nothing is in my in my opinion, nothing has to be black and white. And I I always say to Brianna, like everyone's a little bit gay. Yeah, it's a spectrum, yeah, right. Everyone should be a little bit in my opinion.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. What was your feeling like once you had that conversation with your parents? Was it just relief?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, so I so the main reason the that like tipped me over the edge to basically get the courage to tell my parents was I had been with my ex-fiance for a while, and we were going to the Dominican, and my mom said, Oh, you can bring a friend, because Jenna was still my was still my friend. Right. And so Jenna, and this was when I was 23, and Jenna said, I'm not going to the Dominican with your family as just your friend, which totally fair, totally fair. Sure. So I was working on a psych unit at the time, spent the whole day in the psych unit with my friend Taylor, hyping myself up to call my mom on my walk home and called her. And I was like, before we buy tickets for Jenna to come to the Dominican, I just want you to know. I'm not sure if you already put it together, but she's more than just a friend kind of thing.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:So yeah. It's so hard. Yeah. Because I feel like we talked about this with Bob too.
SPEAKER_01:Like you're never like, oh yeah. So like this is my boyfriend. Like, you I don't know. I feel like when you're in a relationship with a man, like if you you wouldn't have to like have that like weird conversation about sexuality or dating or anything with your parents, which is such a weird topic.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. My mom, my mom did say at the time, like she kind of put two and two together. It was more the couple's Halloween costumes that like outed us, I guess.
SPEAKER_00:What were you?
SPEAKER_02:I was a fish and she was a fisherman. Oh cute. And and like I haven't had a boyfriend in years. I have this like one good friend that came out of nowhere that, you know, I want to come on vacation with us. So I definitely my my mom wasn't stupid. Like I was I was planting the clues.
SPEAKER_00:With the relationship that you had, your ex-fiance. I'm just kind of I think one of the things that I'm curious about, we just went had this book club where it's called Untamed and it's all about it. Oh, you're girl Glennon. Glenn. Well, I thought, right, of course. Yeah. And it's like right duh. It's about her, you know, realizing her love for Abby and herself. But yeah, when she's talking about that, like the knowing, like just having that intuition and and knowing what is actually best for you, like just talk to us a little bit about when you knew it was right for you to call it off and yeah, that experience.
SPEAKER_02:Um, so we had been together for about five years. We had been engaged for over a year. And so just to set the scene, this was June. And to be fair, I did tell her that I was talking about this on the podcast. Uh oh, nice. So Jenna Jenna is aware. So it was we were getting married August 30th, and it was beginning of June. And I woke up to a text from her saying, I'm like, I'm not gonna come home for the week. I'm gonna stay at my at my friend's house. I just need to think about things, and you know, I just need some space. So naturally, like I freaked out. Red five alarm bells on anything inside out. Like just like memory is such a funny thing because that was probably one of the most stressful times of my life, and I was thinking back on all of this, and I really had to put the dates and everything together because it is all such a blur. But long story short, I she sent that text, I called her, freaked out. She still was like, I need time, I'm I am gonna were you like blindsided? Kind of, kind of. Wedding planning definitely felt one-sided. We were getting we were supposed to get married at uh night shift in Everett, and that was kind of what she chose. It wasn't necessarily what I would have chosen where we got married, it was way different than oh my god, and I got married was um just kind of felt one-sided, and I was like, I'm making all these plans, I'm doing all these things for this type of event that you wanted, but yet you're not giving me anything. Kind of the for me, it was almost like the writing was on the wall. I unfortunately was already planning to go to my friend's 30th birthday party. I went to the 30th birthday party and I sat out on the porch of this brewery with my friend Carly, who was also the first friend I came out to. So had a nice mental breakdown. I would say the birthday party. And I to be honest with you, I can't even remember how many days she was gone for, but basically by the time she did come home, we both knew. We were like, Yeah, I you know, what can you do after that? You're yeah, I really felt like the rug was ripped out from underneath me. I was like, and I was like, what did you propose to me? Like you you wanted to pick out rings, you initiated all of this. I would have been fine just doing our you know, doing our thing as a long-term couple, but you're the one that initiated all of this planning. So for you to kind of rip this away, you just have to reprocess your whole life, like not just sound dramatic, but it's like I was supposed to be married in two months, and now you're telling me that you're not coming home, and where do I even start?
SPEAKER_01:And I feel like even if she did have like a good reason or like came back and was like, I've thought about it and I still want to get married, blah blah blah. I feel like it would still be in the back of your mind. Like, yes, is she gonna do this again to me?
SPEAKER_02:You know, like for sure. But it's definitely the undertone of distrust is always gonna be there. Yeah, yeah. And I this isn't me saying that I was an angel to be engaged to. I mean, it I'm not saying that everything was like perfect, I but I I think I just assumed, oh, we're just fighting because they're like wedding planning is stressful, and I I wasn't necessarily seeing if she was having this crisis that I wasn't aware of. Yeah. Um but yeah, I my friend told me she was like, I'm pretty sure I got the invitation.
SPEAKER_01:The invitations are all but the logistics of that mass suck.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and and just for context, we lived in the guest house of her mom's house in Cambridge. So it was like not only did you know my fiance say she's not coming home now, her mom is like trimming her hedges, and I have to like leave for my birthday party, you know.
SPEAKER_00:Wait, that's like that's like a a triple quadruple whammy. It's like, okay, so you have to move. That's that's its own thing. You know, obviously you're mourning like the life that you thought was gonna be happening, and then it's also like even having to tell people that this was happening and like going through that whole process and then like letting people down all of it. Yeah, like what was the hardest part about that?
SPEAKER_02:I mean, similar to coming out, like calling making that phone call to my mom was the hardest, I think. I and to be honest with you, I can't even remember if I told my parents or if I told my friends first, but definitely making that phone call to tell my mom that it wasn't happening, like you could just tell she felt so bad for me. So I would say that first initial phone call was was horrible, but my mom really took it upon herself to just tell all of the family, so I never had to really tell any of the guests. And then I think I can't even remember how I told all my friends, but to be honest with you, I only have like 10 friends, so that was like one group text. Um and everyone was just super supportive, like whatever whatever you need. The what one of the things that really was the most shitty was having to re tell everybody just in my in my work life. Um I remember I went into my I went into my boss's office and she said in front of a bunch of people, oh, did you change your last name when you got married? And I and I had to be like, um, I didn't actually get married. And you could just hear the silence throughout the the whole office, like like, oh god, that's I feel so bad for her. But then, yes, like you exactly, so many people. I remember one of my aunts um called me and was like, I'm just so proud of you. This is such this isn't an easy decision. It would have been in some ways easier just to go through with it, but it's so you you guys were very brave in making that decision. And I also think people don't talk about breaking up with someone who you actually still like as a person. You know, like there was she just wasn't ready to get married. She had stuff that she had to work through, but she's not a terrible person, so you're breaking up this life of five years for someone that you're like, you're still like you suck right now, but you're still like you were like my person for five years, and now how are we gonna share the dog? Like, for what I know, like I I didn't get cheated on. There was there was no big blowout fight. It was it was there was no big reason, just it wasn't it wasn't gonna work, it wasn't gonna happen. So that's almost harder. I almost just wish that yeah, in some ways you wish, like, just tell me you cheated on me. Like that would just make it then. I could just be angry. Oh, totally. It wouldn't have to be sad, I could just be angry.
SPEAKER_00:1000%, yes.
SPEAKER_02:But yeah, everything really does happen for a reason. There was definitely, you know, a black fog in my brain for a while, and then the day of August 30th, it was of course a beautiful day. But my friends are awesome, and we all went to my friend's lake house in Maine that day, and I definitely had like a lot of drinks, and it was a beautiful day. And like I was I was in the it wasn't come August 30th, I was in bed crying, I was on a boat with people that I love, you know. So it says a lot, probably. So you know I as we know like I got married this year, she got married this year, she's thriving in New Orleans. So I'm just happy that we're both, you know, you just want to see someone that you care about be happy wherever they want to be. And if that wasn't with me, that you know, that's okay. I'd rather know that ahead of time. Yeah, our girl Glennon would be very proud of you.
SPEAKER_00:Our girl Glenn is clapping from the sidelines if she is listening. And if anyone is going through a tough breakup and maybe saw a marriage with this person that they are breaking up with or calling off an engagement, just know that there's something even better on the other side for you and your life. So let's get to that. Let's talk about when we met Bon. Um, I am curious. We didn't being the first relationship that Bon was in, like, was there as any hesitancy on your side, you know? Oh yeah. Okay, yeah. I'm curious about that. So how did you guys meet and what was that like?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I I always feel I always I always felt kind of bad because not that I wanted to consider myself like damage goods, but I was still I still had a hard time telling people that I was previously engaged. I felt how soon after was it? Um it was like two plus years, but uh Brianna was my first long term, like my first serious kind of relationship like after all the breakup. Yeah. So Brianna, Brianna met me and was like so in, and I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like you know, I've been I've been I've been through it. I'm gonna need a second. Yeah. Um, but we yeah, so we met on Hinge. Um, so we talked for about a week. It's kind of funny. I had planned this whole thing, I knew I liked her via text, and then uh it was one of those, oh, I hope when we meet in person that they're actually as cool as they are. Yeah. Um totally. We had planned to meet in Brighton after at a brewery that I picked out. Turns out the brewery was closed, and so I just like hopped in her car and we went somewhere else, and she's always like, I can't believe you just got in my car when we just met. And I'm like, You're five, too. Like, like, what are you really what were you really gonna do to me? Um, absolutely. So we we went, it's just like kind of funny because the the restaurant that we went to, I found out later that we sat in velvet chairs, and I don't know if it's come up, but Brianna like can't touch velvet. Oh, yeah. So she's always like, I sat in a velvet chair for you. And then and then our second date, we actually made it to to the brewery. It was just I it sounds so cheesy, but it was really like electric. Um, just like oh, like I've been waiting all week to see you. We we were just like so happy in our little bubble, and then after that, we laid on the grass, like a right on the Charles River, and I don't think I've ever seen her lay on grass without a blanket since like so between between the velvet chairs and the the grass. I mean, I should have known she was all in from that, but yeah, I was definitely more I was definitely that girl that was like I don't want you to see other people, I won't see other people, but we can't we can't be exclusive right now. Like if we're and I we were just talking about it at a party at that. I was definitely in the mindset of if we never make it official, we never have to break up. Because I just didn't think I could go through that again. So we ended up making it official in August. So we met in like end of May, and we were together officially by August. You know, it was official before then, whether I admit it or not.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I was just if Bon's touching all the textures, that grass and velvet, you know, she's in. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And she like she only found out a little ways in that I had a cat, and she's like terrified of cats, and it's real love because rest in peace, but she let my cat, Gracie, live with us for three years before she passed. So yeah, she lets you live with Taylor. She doesn't listen to Taylor. I know.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, I'm not really sure what she's doing, but but I am curious about what you said, like with the damaged goods comment. Me as a single woman, if I was dating someone who had been engaged, I don't think I would have any type of hesitation about that. I think I would just be more curious about what happened, but not like that's a red flag.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I think great, and that this that was about six years ago, you know. So I think or we've been together for four, but all of that happened six-ish years ago. And it's taken me a while to kind of feel not so much proud, but to speak about it openly because I don't know, I it was just a hard thing for me to wrap my head around. I kind of felt like a failure almost. Or maybe someone sees a red flag about me, you know, like, oh, what what did she what did she do wrong that she, you know, had a broken engagement. I think I just saw it more as someone's gonna think something's wrong with me versus me feeling almost empowered by my experience.
SPEAKER_00:Totally.
SPEAKER_02:Even now, um, being in our mid-30s, if you dated someone who was 40, you could say, Oh, I met someone and they're divorced. And I wouldn't think anything of it. It's like, oh yeah, I mean, someone in their 40s, like, that makes sense. Yeah. So it just took me a while to feel comfortable with, and not that it defines me, but just knowing that's part of my past.
SPEAKER_00:No, totally, totally. I mean, I think that's like so natural. It's like one of those things where it's like other people aren't thinking that. But of course, you know, we all think of our internal stuff, like think differently about it.
SPEAKER_02:So I definitely had the stigma on my on myself and didn't see it as um shit, she must be like really strong if. She's been through that in grief.
SPEAKER_00:Oh my gosh. We are like we're literally the worst, the meanest to ourselves. It's crazy. Like you would never say that to your friend. It's just we're the worst. Good reminder. Um, okay. What is your favorite thing about Vaughn? And then we definitely need to hear a couple stories um about I'm very curious about being Academy nurse. Like, I need to know what that entails, but what is your favorite thing about Vaughn?
SPEAKER_01:This was like first, first, really quick. This was like my favorite part about Vaughn's episode. I was smiling ear to ear when she was talking about it was so beautiful.
SPEAKER_02:So pressure Vaughn. I know. Like, no pressure. Let me let like look at my notes right now. No. Um, I would say my favorite thing is that it's always felt right. And she she really rides for her people for definitely for lack of a better term. I've never once like wavered in our relationship. I've never once worried where she stands. She's almost like black and white to a fault. I always say she's very boring to fight with because she's like, I'll talk to you when you're ready to calm down, you know. And I'm like, come on, just like just give me something. Yeah, like she is one of the most caring people that I've ever met. Things nothing goes unnoticed or anything like that. And that's the same for our relationship too. Like, I love that. She knows she knows when I walk in the door if I'm like ready to talk or if I need a minute. Um, I'm not as good about that because I could just talk all the time. But um and one of I mean, get yourself a partner that if I work every third weekend, I come home Sunday night. We just I have a brand new, like refinished hutch, like in our kitchen that she just she doesn't.
SPEAKER_01:No, so jealous.
SPEAKER_00:So jealousy so nice, and that's so true. Like the steadfastness of like she's just like a rock. What what a nice thing to be in a relationship and have and not have like everyone fights obviously, but like not have any of those concerns or like insecurities.
SPEAKER_02:I think coming from what I had experienced in the past, this is this is what I needed. I could not yeah, I I don't I don't know how people can be with people where they don't know where their partner is or they haven't written them back and it's been two hours. I mean, I think I'm more that partner for Brianna when she's like, How do you have a smartwatch in a phone and your phone still goes to voicemail? And I'm like, I don't know, I'm calling you now. We're very much opposite in so many ways, which it really works for us.
SPEAKER_00:Like it's well top couple. And we loved hearing uh your side of the story after talking to Bon and now hearing, you know, your perspective of how you guys met and your favorite things you love about her. Um, we're gonna transition into Melissa's work life. So, as we said, you're a pediatric nurse at children's and you are also academy nurse. So, can we start there? For those who don't know, what does academy nurse do? Like, and what is ketamine?
SPEAKER_02:Um, ketamine, it's it's kind of something that's coming up. You'll see it more in the news, unfortunately. It was talked about more with like Matthew Perry using like ketamine not safely prescribed and stuff like that. Um, but I work at a psychiatric clinic that does ketamine infusion. So ketamine is a drug commonly used for like sedation or sometimes for pain management, but that research has been proven that it can help access receptors in your brain that common antidepressants like can't reach. So a lot of the patients that I see have tried every type of antidepressant, still either like still have depression or have really bad side effects. They might have anxiety, panic attacks, OCD, Tourette's, trauma. So they'll come to they'll come to the clinic, they do it uh evaluation. We see the treatment rooms that we are nicer than anyone's houses. It's just an old house in Cambridge. And you basically, my role is I place their IV, we do their vitals. Everyone has a dose that's based on weight, and you can increase or decrease your dose based on parameters that are set by the doctors. So basically, you see me, we chat. I have a lot of regular patients at the moment, and then your you put an eye mask on, a weighted blanket, noise canceling, headphones, recline, and then infusion goes over 40 minutes. So things might come up that are really pleasant, might be bad. People's experiences are so different no matter what day of the week it is, what their dose is. No infusion is the same. So we recommend when people start that they do a series of six to eight within a month-ish, just to help like reset your brain.
SPEAKER_00:When you're in so when you're in that 40-minute infusion, are you high? Like are you like hallucinating?
SPEAKER_02:So you're in like a hallucinogenic state. So it's not it's not like anesthetic. You kind of people you're kind of like tripping almost.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, microdosing? Is that a little bit, a little bit, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Some people talk to me the whole time while they're tripping. Some people put their headphones on and chill and they do their thing, they get up and leave. They the clinic also offers uh ketamine assisted psychotherapies, so there's a licensed therapist or social worker that will do the whole session with the patients. I am by no means like a licensed therapist or social worker. Some people I think see me as that, and we chat and I just help them through whatever that comes up in their infusion. Um, so it's a really interesting job. I've met professors, teachers, pilots, so it's all like people that have a whole spectrum of people.
SPEAKER_01:It's like people that feel like like or that regular like antidepressants just don't work.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Some usually the people that are coming to us, they they're like, I've tried everything else. Yeah. Because it's it's um unfortunately it's not covered by insurance for most insurance plans. So people are paying out of pocket for this treatment that they hope helps them get out of or get through whatever they're going through.
SPEAKER_01:That's so crazy. So are you supposed to like unlock things in that 40 minutes, or is it more like it just kind of goes on in the background after it's for everybody?
SPEAKER_02:It's it's kind of different. Some people start the infusions with a mantra or an intention. Some people just this is part of their routine. They come every Wednesday, and just having the medication in their system relieves their panic symptoms, relieves their OCD symptoms. So the medication helps you even after you leave the room.
SPEAKER_00:That's like have you heard of um, I feel like this is a big thing in like the celebrity world, ayahuasca.
SPEAKER_03:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:I don't know how it works, but I think it's a hallucinogenic. And people say that they go in and they have like an intention and it unlocks, it helps them. I've heard it described as almost like you're floating above your life and can kind of see it objecting.
SPEAKER_02:People have seen people have told me they've seen themselves above their body. They they've told me that they've they have been in this in the room that we're in, but they saw themselves floating above their own body.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, weird.
SPEAKER_02:And then someone someone came out of an infusion once and really thought she was dead. Like she really thought she died during the infusion because in her trip, like she left her body and she came too and was like, My ears are humming, like I I'm dead, like I'm definitely dead right now. Oh I mean, some days it's so easy, and everyone's chill and gets their infusions and leaves, and then some days someone comes to and thinks that they're dead, and you have to know in that moment what you're gonna what to say to help bring someone back down from huge panic.
SPEAKER_01:That is so does it ever so it sounds like it does, like it can like backfire. Yeah, like I'm thinking like when you take an edible, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Like sometimes like people have just like a bad hands, um or if you're going through something in your life before you sit in the chair, that stress from your life can definitely infiltrate your journey. So if you if you're coming off the train or got into a fight with your Uber driver, you know, and then you come sit in the chair with me, it's like, oh god, I hope that this goes okay for them today. Everyone's appointment is an hour, is an hour and 15 minutes. So the infusion goes over 40, but we allot time to like get you in the chair, get you settled, talk about your dose, place the ID, stuff like that, and then want to give you enough time on the back end to recover. We don't want you to be like super out of it.
SPEAKER_00:Has anyone told you like a deep dark secret, you think?
SPEAKER_02:Um someone, someone who he's like an awesome person. He always chats with me during and he always goes, you know, all the way out there and comes back, and he came back too and was like, wait, so we're not in love. Oh my god. No, you were just talking about, you know, your wife and your son, we're not in love. Yeah. Um, that's so funny. No one's really told me like a deep dark secret. A really cool one that I did witness was this very nice woman has lost both of her parents that she was taking care of, and in the journey, she was able to like say bye to her parents again, um, which was really cool. That's so nice. Um, so she like I heard her like talking to them and saying bye and I miss you, stuff like that.
SPEAKER_00:So oh my gosh, that's emotional. It was really cool.
SPEAKER_02:Um, and then a funny one was this when this younger girl comes in with her boyfriend, and at the end of like mid-infusion, she just looks at her boyfriend and goes, Where the fuck is Trinidad and Tobago? And I was like, So then when the infusion was done, her boyfriend was like, Oh yeah, we were looking at like Atlas and is on our way here. So I guess her trip, she was like going, but it was just so funny. She was so silent the whole infusion, and then she's like, Where the fuck is Turnie down today? So naturally I come naturally I come home and I like tell Brianna like the funny ones. So last night, last night she was like, You don't have to tell them about that one.
SPEAKER_00:So that's such a good one. I mean, I'm not gonna lie, like I don't feel like I suffer from depressive symptoms, but I am so curious about stuff like this. Like, what would happen? I'm curious about what I would uncover, you know?
SPEAKER_02:I know. I've never tried it. So many of the patients ask me if I've done it, and if I I'm sure I could go through all the venues to get my a cell phone infusion, but what's stopping me is that I get such bad motion sickness that I cannot be the girl that throws up at her own work on ketamine, you know. I just that's that's what I'm I can barely ride shotgun. I cannot do ketamine.
SPEAKER_01:Well yeah, isn't it like kind of part of like anesthesia or something? Like what puts you under? Or that makes sense then because you can throw from that.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Wow.
SPEAKER_02:It's a really cool I used to work at children's with one of the nurses, two of the nurses that work there. So they knew that I worked as a psych nurse prior. So they asked me if I wanted to come on with them. So that's how I got the job.
SPEAKER_00:So and so you're actively doing both jobs, right? Like ketamine. Okay, seem kind of opposite.
SPEAKER_02:So Wednesdays, Wednesdays I I have my ketamine days, and then I work at the hospital um my other days. So it's a nice combo.
SPEAKER_00:How like transitioning to that job working at children's, um, how has that experience been for you? Did you always know you wanted to work in that field and pediatric being a pediatric nurse? No, honestly.
SPEAKER_02:Um at children's I work in the float pool. So basically I'm trained from that's okay. Um, I'm trained from the ER basically all the way. I work almost everywhere at children's besides the ICUs. So the ICU has their own float pool, but I work like psych, I work ER, oncology, surgery, their infusion clinic, their colonoscopy clinic, like all different things. So I basically report to an office each day, and then they tell me where I'm working that day. So I've been doing that for eight years, but I was a pediatric psych nurse for two and a half, and then I did pediatric long-term care, kind of like almost nursing homish type care for a year and a half, and then I ended up on children's. But I honestly thought I was gonna do geriatrics. But in 2000, in 2013, the pediatric psych job was the only interview and callback I had. So I said, well, I don't want to, I don't want to move home. I don't want to move home, and this job is in Brighton. So, and all my friends just moved to Brookline, so I guess I'm finding an apartment in Brighton and working on this psych unit. And honestly, it was like the best decision I've ever made.
SPEAKER_00:I have always known from a young age that I would not do well in medicine, saying was never a science girl. I have a hard time with anything bodily. I have like the utmost respect and admiration for people who work in medicine in general, but then specifically to work with children is like a whole nother skill set. So I feel like an obvious question, maybe, that people who are not in your world have is like, how do you do it? Like, how do you cope with the heavy emotional toll?
SPEAKER_02:I think being in the float pool now, I think has given me longevity as a bedside nurse that every day for me is different. I don't know if I could still be a bedside nurse if I took care of the same kid with cancer, their whole cancer journey or their whole heart surgery to to find out something terrible happened. For me, it's I can appreciate the good days that are the days that are good. I so love them, and the days that are bad. I have I'm I have the ability to know that I'm not going back there the next day. Um I also think it's easier for me right now because I don't have kids that I can have that type of separation. But like put me in the waiting room at the vet office with Lloyd and see the little can't like see the little candle on that someone's putting their dog down and I'm sobbing. You know, like I think at my everyone's brain just has their way of compartmentalizing their stress in different ways. And I have a good barrier of leaving work at work and home home. With that being said, though, the sad moments will come in at the worst times. Yeah, like I was thinking of one, like you think you process things, and then you're like, oh, maybe I didn't. Like baby calling that therapist is a good idea. Yeah. But um years ago when I was working on the psych unit, we had this little boy who was in foster care who only really ate ketchup sandwiches because that was the only thing that he his family fed him basically. And I was off, I was in New Hampshire with my family at a wedding, and we're at this hotel at the Continental Breakfast, and I just start crying. And my mom's like, What are you crying about? And I was like, I had to tell them that like here we were at a nice hotel, and this kid's only eating like ketchup sandwiches, right? Or I'll see my niece and it'll remind me of like a kid I took care of, and then it comes out.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Superhuman.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, like, yeah, that's like but it's because at work you see sad things, and then the call bell for your other patient goes off, and you don't have time to process what you just witnessed or what this kid just told his mom because you you're doing 25 other things, but then that comment that that kid made to his mom is gonna come to you when you're at friggin' Marshall's. Oh my god, right, yeah. That's you know at that long ass checkout line with 17 goodies, and then you're like, maybe I do need those heart-shaped peanut butter things that I can't find the expiration on them. I can't find the expiration, yeah. You just have to appreciate, like, you know, the happy moments because there are a lot of sad ones.
SPEAKER_01:You must have such great like perspective on the world. Um, yeah, I try. Well, it just like you're constantly reminded that you know there's less fortunate people or people people that are so.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah. Well, I think one of your questions, Coco, was like, what how do you think this like will make me as a parent? And I I can't tell if I'm gonna be like a crazy parent or a really chill parent because Brianna will come home with all different ailments and I'll be like, You're fine, take a tile at all, you know. For kids, it's I've seen the kid that's five that's covered in bruises that finds out he has leukemia. So it's like if I have a kid who's five with bruises because he plays on the playground, yeah. I I hope my brain doesn't always think the worst thing. Or you know, I've I've met kids that have come in because they have headaches and they find out they have a brain tumor. So it's like how I need to figure out a way to separate that. Um but I don't know, we'll see. When we have kids, I might be like, you're fine, wash your hands. Yeah. Like, you don't know what mom sees at work. Stop crying, you know. Like, I don't who knows how I'll be.
SPEAKER_00:That is true. Like, what is your is your knowledge and your work experience gonna like hurt you or help you? Or maybe that's not the right phrase, but like yeah, help you. No, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. But just like what Melissa was saying about, you know, am I gonna reach for something that's like maybe an overreaction, you know? Yeah, but totally, totally.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah, but like other people just Google stuff and then overreact.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, but being married to Brianna, hopefully with her being so black and white, she's gonna be she'll be able to talk me off the ledge, you know.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Damn girl. You can it's so rewarding. I wish I was saving lives. I tell everyone at work all this time. I'm like, everyone's so stressed and like pointing fingers, blah blah blah. It's like we're acting like it's the end of the world. It's like we're not saving lives.
SPEAKER_02:Well, you actually aren't gonna have to do that. Don't think I save lives every day because I sent a Snapchat yesterday because my patient only wanted red popsicles, but at children's the popsicles, I don't know why they don't make the packages clear.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, so you don't know.
SPEAKER_02:But I had popsicles spread out all over the ER kitchen, and I'm like so glad I got my master's degree to try to find the road popsicle in the Oh, welcome to parenting.
SPEAKER_01:That's parenting. Totally.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I'm not saving lives every day. Don't don't give me that much credit.
SPEAKER_01:Well, you're you're contributing to it. Yeah. And you're helping people. I feel like when I was in the hospital, like when I was after having a uh my kids, the nurses like do way more than the doctors. The nurses are like totally the ones that are there for you and are that like you're talking to and who actually like know you and know your name. I feel like the doctors are just like in and out, in and out.
SPEAKER_00:I agree. Well, this has been so much fun. Is there anything we didn't get to talk about? Anything that we missed or was that anything you want to share?
SPEAKER_02:Well, I did Google all of Taylor Swift's songs by album because I was waiting for you to ask and I wanted to be prepared. I was gonna ask. Um, but I've realized that I prefer Taylor Swift to be depressed versus in love and happy. I don't know if that's a hot take, but I was going through all of I don't know, Rolling Stones, like Taylor Swift albums. And I didn't she has like four different renditions of like every I'm like, what what about just like the red album? Not red 2.0, you know. I'm not that much of a Swifty, but my list that I provide that I'll provide is probably my first, my favorite would be All Too Well, classic, can't go for Swift, yeah, Breeze, yep, Forever and Always. Oh, that's a good one, Last Kiss. And I almost and I almost do. And I was like, wow, the breast Taylor Swift is where it's at for me.
SPEAKER_00:I think a lot of Swifties will agree with that take. I will say, I almost it's so I love hearing Swifties like favorites because I almost do has been like off my radar forever. I haven't listened to that song. I might go listen to it like tonight.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, like breathe, same with breathe. That's a great one. Yeah, because I think those were like I think that was also kind of around my coming out years or you know, back and forth relationship kind of years. So, and then if as far as the new album goes, I would say wish list is my favorite, but I just I don't I don't think she needs a dollar sign in the test. That's my other hot take. Yeah. I did listen to the new album, and my other opinion of it was like I think Travis hyped it up to be something that it wasn't because he was like, Oh, yeah, like the guys in the locker room are gonna be playing these bangers or whatever. And I listened to I listened to it when I was cooking dinner and I was like, there's no way that I believe though that he actually believes that.
SPEAKER_01:Like he believed that when he said it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. No, but that's so true. Like the Kansas City Chiefs are not listening to Fate of Ophelia while they're getting ready to beat the bells.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, or whatever. He wishes they were listening to Wood.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, 1000.
SPEAKER_02:I yeah, I am glad that she's like she's getting some. So that's good. Like, but uh I um I hope she has you know another depression album to come out, you know, for the winter. We'll see.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I know she's gonna have to go back to some of that folklore evermore songwriting style if she's because it seems like she's not gonna be personally there. I know.
SPEAKER_01:I know. I struggle with that too. I'm like, oh, I like Loki like Depressed Taylor better than Happy Taylor. And I don't want that. But I'm thinking, I mean, maybe I think she's entering a new phase in life. She's getting married, she has kids, like she can make like no, it's not gonna all be rainbows and happiness. Like it there could be like deep, difficult songs about parenting. Yeah, that's interesting. I'm very interested to see what comes out of her parenting era. Very interested.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, me too. Me too. Um, great takes though. We love your list. And yeah, we just want to send a big thank you, Melissa, for coming on. You have been such a great guest. It's been such a great episode and a fun episode. I'm like, yeah, so yeah, yeah. So we hope that you enjoyed it and that you'll come back one day.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, yeah. And if anyone has any questions about coming out or calling off an engagement, I I mean, I hope no one's going through that right now, but feel free to DM me whatever. Like I'm always open to chat.
SPEAKER_00:Totally. Do you have any like quick advice if there is someone who's maybe thinking about coming out starting there that you would share?
SPEAKER_02:Um one of the things that I had thought of was if well, it was more so if if you're dating someone who's out and you're not, just to have some conversations about where you guys like stand with that. If you're not ready to come out, but you still want to be in a queer relationship, just like check in with your partner who might be already openly out because there's if there's you know, you want to bring everything that you can to the table, but when you're still closeted, it's hard to be fully there for someone. And I think when I was still closeted in queer relationships, like I definitely have regrets as to how I treated people just because I was protecting my own self from it was like my own fears. But my only other advice is like nothing has to be black and white, like go kiss a girl, go kiss a guy, figure out if that's for you. If you're if you're thinking about it, you know, like if you have this like gut feeling that you feel you need to explore, like go for it. You're never gonna know unless you sigh. Yeah, um, and then whether that opens a new door for you, that's great. Or if you're like, nope, I'm good, at least now you know. No okay. Similar to what Brianna said about just buying a suit, like kiss that girl if you want, just kiss that girl if you want to. What's the worst that's happening?
SPEAKER_00:No, I love that. Wear the suit, wear the suit. I love it. Uh, I forgot about that. That we talked about that. That was a great takeaway.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, but yeah, nothing every you know, nothing has just because you know you have feelings, like nothing has to be black and white. Yeah, everybody, everybody is their own person, and everyone's figuring this all out life in general, you know.
SPEAKER_00:Everyone, everyone's being a human for the first time. Yeah, so I love that. Thanks so much for coming on, Melissa. This was a blast. Um, we hope everyone enjoyed it. We will be back on Friday with another episode.
SPEAKER_01:Make sure to like us, comment, tag us, uh, friend us on social media at TikTok and Instagram at Stitch and Pod. Go to our website, Stitch and Podcast.com, and tell everyone you know about us. Thanks so much, everyone, for listening.
SPEAKER_00:Thanks again.