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Snitchin
Episode 70: The One Where Melissa Talks Being a Young Mom
Kristen and Brittany welcome Kristen's big sister Melissa to the pod to share a candid look at her life as a young mom.
Melissa shares the raw, honest story of getting pregnant with her eldest daughter at the age of 22, navigating the initial shock, telling friends and family, moving back home with her husband (then boyfriend) Ross, facing judgment, and building the foundation for her life today. She highlights the relatable differences in raising her four children— two teenagers daughters ages 18 and 15, and 11-year old twin boys—and offers empowering advice for young parents today: "Block out the noise." The episode wraps up with a look at Kristen and Melissa’s unique sisterly bond, and begins with a must-hear conversation for all Patriots fans on the social media account that's generating absolute gold in the comments.
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Ready?
SPEAKER_02:Ready.
SPEAKER_01:Hey everyone. Welcome back to the latest episode of Sis Nitchin. It's your host, Kristen.
SPEAKER_02:And Brittany, get ready for the best part of your day.
SPEAKER_01:And it's Wednesday. You know what that means. We're back with a guest episode. I just need to, I don't know if I can properly set the stage for just how excited, both of us, but how excited I am for this episode because excited. We have my favorite girl on. We have my big sis Melissa. And this has been a little bit of a long time coming. I'm not going to say that we had to convince you to come on. I'm not going to not say that.
SPEAKER_03:I'm here. I'm excited. I'm ready.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Um, really, what we're going to talk about today is a little sister talk, you know, just like me and Melissa and kind of our background, but really the focus is going to be on Melissa and her family and specifically her firstborn, Ava. Um, Melissa and her husband Ross had Ava at the ages of 23 and 25. We're just going to talk about what that experience was like for her, you know, and also like having three other children, you now have four, maybe some of the differences in how you raised your kids based on what stage of life you were in. Before we get into this, I have a quick topic that I just need to bring up. Melissa brought this to my attention last week. The best new follow for any New England Patriots fan out there, Melissa. I see you nodding your head. I know who you're gonna say, and I love her. And I love the comments. I am obsessed. Drake May's wife and Michael May. Oh.
SPEAKER_03:Oh my god, Brittany, you have to follow her. The comments are just gold. They're so funny. What does she like do? She's is like a very she bakes and you know, she does her outfit of the game day. Like nothing crazy. It's just the comments are hysterical. They're all supportive, they're all positive, but they're just really funny.
SPEAKER_01:Literally, it's like she is now the new first lady of new of New England. And basically every other comment to like Melissa's point is just keep on baking, keep Drake May well fed, we're we're relying on you.
SPEAKER_03:My favorite one is because Zell never baked for us. Oh my god. I doubt Zell bakes. And then one of the other comments was this guy, and he's like, I'm not saying you don't love Drake May, Ann Michael, but I'm just saying there's no way you love him more than me.
SPEAKER_01:Wow. It's pretty good. Well, I told Brittany about it this weekend, and Britt was like, Where do they live, you think?
SPEAKER_03:And oh, Westwood. That's the rumor I heard. I heard that he's right in the same neighborhood as um Josh McDaniels. Oh, you know what?
SPEAKER_02:That makes sense. Yeah. Mac Jones used to live in Canton, but that didn't go so well. So yeah.
SPEAKER_01:It didn't go so hot. But let's get into the meat and bones of today's episode. We're gonna set the stage a little bit. So Melissa and I are six years apart. She's six years older than me. And we grew up in Canton, but you really grew up until what, age of 10?
SPEAKER_03:I lived in, yes. So I lived in Randolph until I was in fifth grade. You were three. So we moved. Yeah. So in the middle of fifth grade, we moved from Randolph to Canton. And then I was obviously in Canton until I don't know if you count college years, but was in Canton until I moved to Walpole about 17 years ago. Yeah, that's crazy. Tough age to move.
SPEAKER_01:I know, right? Yeah. We like to say that basically we think our parents moved because my dad's best friend lived in Canton.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, that's 100% reason. Well, we had to be done at Randolph because Randolph had terrible, terrible schools. And so we were gonna move anyway, but it's 100% Canton because our dad's best friend.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Thousand percent.
SPEAKER_01:Um, and that's where they still are today. So we lived there, we grew up there, our parents still lived there, and then Melissa went to Providence College for college, which is where you met your now husband. And that kind of brings us up to, you know, around this time that we're gonna start with. So tell us a little bit like about what your life was like when you first got pregnant. You were graduated from PC, like where were you living? What were you doing? Kind of set the stage.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, sure. So, you know, like most girls after you graduate college, you have a a dime in a dozen, dime a dozen apartments. I had I lived in Brighton with three of my girlfriends. Ross and I, we we like originally met in in college, but we didn't really start dating until God, I can't even like remember, but maybe my senior year, towards the end of my senior year or so. So things were just kind of like, you know, any typical 22-year-old just having fun living in Brighton with carting it up.
SPEAKER_01:I think you and your bestie Jen. Shout out, Jen.
SPEAKER_03:Yes. It was it you two together and you took a pregnancy test, and like what was Yep, we were in our apartment in Brighton, and I got so I I took a pregnancy test, came back positive, immediately called Jen because she is my best friend, and obviously. I I don't even know if she was home or when she came home, but she came home with about 10 other pregnancy tests, and I took every single one of them. Of course, of course it turns out all were very clearly positive. So yeah, so Jen was the very first person to find out how we were like shocked, right? You were 23. I was 22, yes. I was floored. I was like, I you know, you kind of knew it. I was late. It was, you know, all the signs were there. So it was just like as soon as I took the test and it came back positive, like immediately. And of course, like, you know, I've taken pregnancy tests since then, having three more children. And when you're pregnant, it comes back positive real fast. And so there was no doubt. Uh, it was I was definitely having a having a kid up. Wow.
SPEAKER_01:You were very clearly 10 times positive.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. It's so funny. I always tell the story, but I remember Kristen telling me you were pregnant with Ava in Spanish class when we were seniors in high school. Like I literally remember it exactly. But at the time I was like, oh yeah, Melissa's like, you know, she's still young, but like she's older. Like, that's you know, not that crazy. But then I got to be like 22 and I was like, what the fuck?
SPEAKER_03:That is crazy. It's so true. I was incredibly young. So true. Thank God I was out of college.
SPEAKER_01:Well, it's funny because Ava now, you know, she's a senior in high school. And I remember around this time last year, I said to her, I was like, you know, sweetie, like I was your age when I found out you were coming into this world. She was floored. She was like, What? I was like, Yeah, girl, I'm six years younger than your mom. I mean, do the math. I was in high school. So you find out that you're pregnant. How, like, what was your feeling about telling friends and family? I remember very specifically, we were downstairs in the futon room, just you and I, when you told me the news. And I can't remember how you started to tell me, but you kind of like set it up and there was a moment of anticipation. And then you were like, we're having a baby. And I was like, oh my God, and freaked out. But how did you feel approaching those conversations? And were there any reactions that you were surprised by?
SPEAKER_03:Telling my friends was not a problem. I had a good group of girlfriends from college, and of course, Jen and my and my roommates, I think they were all in the same boat as you know, as everybody. They were shocked, but it wasn't anything negative. It was just more like, what are you gonna do? Like we gotta, we have a lot of decisions to make real fast. Again, Ross and I, we we were dating, and of course, serious, but we were really only been dating for maybe a year. We weren't living together, we had no talks yet of getting married. We of course didn't have the financial stability that you have when you're 22. Who does? You're just trying to find a career, and your priority is definitely going out. You know, how many nights can you afford to go out that week?
SPEAKER_01:Oh my god, I was overdrafting my account left and right at 22. But yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So it so telling the friends, it was just like we immediately knew we had to reshape our minds. And my girlfriends were super, super supportive. One of my girlfriends, because you don't know, right? I mean, like this was the first time I was pregnant. I didn't have anyone to talk to about like what should I be expecting. And so I didn't know if Ross should be coming to the appointments with me or if I should be doing this alone. So my girlfriend Carleen came with me to my OBGYN appointments with me. Like, I had a I had a crew, I had my girlfriends who were ridiculously supportive from day one. Family was a little different. I would say, you know, some people were really supportive and other people were not. I think my our dad, he was just so taken aback. And he he told my grandmother before I could because he felt that he needed to give her a heads up because we were going down the cape to tell my grandparents, yes. And our grandparents, sorry, Kristen, I keep messing that up, to tell Nana and grandpa that I was pregnant, and he had already told Nana. So she called me out and she's like, Oh, you ready to tell people? And she was mad. And I was like, Yeah, I can tell people. And she called up my Uncle Jimmy right then and there. I was like, Here you go.
SPEAKER_00:She did not. Nancy, I did not know any of this.
SPEAKER_03:Yep. So I was put on the spot, had to tell my uncle who was like, he's like, okay. Had to tell his wife, my uh uh Deb, who was very nice about it. And so, yeah, so there's definitely some people who were more supportive. Some of their reactions, some of those people who who might have been a little less supportive, it sticks with you. It's it's it's harsh. I mean, you know, even though you're bringing a baby in this world and we are happy, there wasn't many congratulations, and oh my gosh, I'm so excited for you. It was a lot of concern.
SPEAKER_01:It's so crazy to hear this because not to make this about me, but my perspective of it. Like yeah, you had no idea. No, I like it's so I was in La La Lands. I mean, I really like had no sense that you were kind of having to deal with those reactions. I mean, granted, of course, like there's you know, everyone now obviously it's 18 years later. Like, it's I I wonder even if dab would remember some of that in detail.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, now he's like the best papa and all that. I mean, he fell in love with her on the second he met her. It was just these reactions. It was, it took some people some some time. And, you know, people vocal. You could people were gonna share their opinion of what they thought of your situation, regardless if I asked them or not, or cared about their opinion. I I would think, you know, one of my biggest things to take away if you're if you do end up having a, you know, do getting pregnant when you're young is just to block out the noise because there's just so much noise. And again, like you have to make all these really big decisions real fast. You know, where are you gonna live? How are you gonna support the baby? Are you gonna work? How if the baby's gonna be in daycare, all these big decisions that are overwhelming, regardless if you're 22 or 40. And you have just a lot of people tripping in your ear. So you just kind of block it all out.
SPEAKER_02:I was telling Ross, like, were you nervous?
SPEAKER_03:Surprisingly, no. I told him that night he was coming over anyway, and I was like, hey, yeah. So if you know my husband, he's very pale, and I think he got three lighter than he already is. He was a ghost. He took a walk, came back, and it was like, all right, like we're ready. Like, we're like it was the initial shock, but with him, it was very quick, and we were in it.
SPEAKER_01:I have to imagine, like, you and Ross really had to lean on each other, too, you know.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and you know, ignorance is bliss. I didn't know what I was doing. I I didn't know like the next steps. Every new every step was a new step for me. You know, you're you you gotta like zone in and focus on getting through the pregnant, like again, all these big decisions. You just don't really even have the time or energy. Because again, you are pregnant, so you're already super hormonal. And secondly, like when you are 22, 23, you definitely care about what people think of you way more than you do at 40. 1000. Yeah, it is all around you, but I think to really survive that moment and get through it, you you really do just have to block out, block out anything that's not necessary. Because otherwise, uh it's hard to, it would be hard to get everything in a ready. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:But also, too, I mean, me and Britt talk about this with our friends having babies now. Like, I feel like there's so much I'm still learning about pregnancy and having children. And I think it's if you put yourself in the time of what was that, 2007, you know, social media, there's only Facebook. There's not as much information kind of out there. And there's no like social to try to connect with other young moms. Like, so I could see that being in one way, ignorance is bliss, like you said, you're kind of in your zone, in your bubble. But in another way, like you don't necessarily have that ability to seek out other community of people going through the same thing because it's just not around. Yeah. Kind of transitioning to that, like when you when Ava was, well, I guess backing up something else that maybe should be relevant for context here, because when you and Ross had Ava, you moved back in with our parents. I was living there as well, until Ava was about a year old, and then you bought your house in Walpole. For context, our mother also had a ruptured brain aneurysm about a year prior to that. So that is in the mix. She's she's pretty debilitated, and we don't this was like a time of very much, we don't know what's next in her terms of her health. Yes, it just pains the scene. Like that was also happening. Yeah. So when you were living with us, like what was that like for you? And is there anything you miss about that time?
SPEAKER_03:Ross would move back in a second. He loved it. He Ross did love it. He he loved it so much. Yeah, I mean, pros and cons, right? It's we need, I mean, I'm so grateful that we were able to move back in home so that we could save up so that we could buy our house. Otherwise, I don't, you know, we would never have been able to buy a place. But it's, you know, it's not, it's not your home. Like it, I mean it is, but at the same time, you know, it's hard when you're bringing home like dad always used to laugh, like, oh great, Melissa came home with a baby and a boyfriend, and like I am dad. You know, and like um it so there was just a lot of like trying to figure out everyone's schedule, not schedule, but trying to just get it adjusted to not only a baby, but also living with a boyfriend. I've never done that before, right? So, and he, you know, we moved in when after I had Ava, like he didn't really move in beforehand, like he was also very young. Uh, so it was just a lot of adjustments, but I do think we got it into a good like rhythm. They had helped out so much with Ava, so did Ross's parents. Ross's parents are incredibly uh supportive and help all the time, and they still do, but yeah, I mean it was fine. I was I was happy when we moved, but Ross had the best time ever and he always talks how he would go back.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my god. Did you not say the same thing, Brittany, about Chris with living with your parents?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, no, I was thinking I did like a brief little stint with my parents, probably like eight or nine months a couple years ago, and I could not get out of there fast enough. I was like, I do not want to live here anymore. I need to move out, I don't care about saving money anymore. Like, I'm asking.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I was getting into that boat. I was also like, my, you know, our parents have a split level, so I was like in the basement park. Yeah. It's like depressing. It really was. I'm like, oh, I just I need to get out of here.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah. But yeah, same thing. Chris like loves living with my parents. So I guess if you're gonna move in with a with a parent, go for your in-laws, not your own parents.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I guess.
SPEAKER_02:Do you think just don't do it?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, just don't do it. Go to a hotel. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. How is it like making like friends with the other moms? Like when Ava got to like kindergarten. Hard stuff.
SPEAKER_03:Really hard. You know, I think thankfully Ava is a very still is a very outgoing person. She's a very independent kiddo. She always has been. So she was able to make friends really easily. But she probably didn't make any friends until she was in kindergarten because during those first few four years, you know, I felt like a terrible person, terrible mother, because I didn't have a connection. I didn't have a community with moms that had kids her age. So she was a daycare kid, so she was around other babies, but she never really had any friends that typically those friends are, you know, ones that your mom makes, and you know, you can do play dates and things like that. Um so it wasn't really until she went to kindergarten where she was kind of on her own that she started to make make friends. And it was in I still, you know, I take that on me because yeah, I had a hard time making friends for as as a as a mom, especially as a young mom. They weren't my age. I couldn't really connect with them. I was just going through a lot of different things. And they were again, they were settled. They were some of the majority of Ava's friends are, she's the oldest, obviously, but all her friends are the youngest. So it's just like a huge age gap. And they were just in different spots in life. Like we're trying to just figure out career-wise, what are we doing? Like, we need to get a better job, things like that. And we just weren't, yeah, I just weren't out and about making friends. I would be so intimidated if like all of us. It was, it definitely was. It definitely was intimidating. Although, you know, it's funny because now that I have children, then I am the like normal age, I guess you want to call it. There's a lot of parents my age now with the boys. And yeah, I do find myself that I it is easier to make friends with moms who are my age, but I still look back on Ava's friends, especially in those first few years, like kindergarten, like elementary school years. And some of those parents are like the nicest to this day, my favorite people on this earth. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:That's a good point too. Yeah. Cause like if you're 22, 23, you're just, you know, seeing older adults in general, if you can't relate to them, like it is intimidating. And then did you do you think there was a part of you that felt, you know, because even like what you were talking about before, some of the reactions you get are across the board, and some make you feel judged. Like, were you scared of that? Like, is that part of the reason why that is hard?
SPEAKER_03:But some people are assholes. Like, you know, my neighbor, I yes, I thought I had a neighbor who I thought was like a we had kids the same age, and she was just like a total snob. So I think, you know, that's probably why some of the older parents were ones that I connected with or talked to, because in some ways they were going through the same thing I was going through as in terms of being judged by other mothers because they were on the opposite side of things. And they were like, Wow, you're a really old mom, and I'm a really young mom. There's a group of moms that, you know, like every like in anything, like in high school, there's always those mean girls. Yeah, I definitely think it was hard. Just the whole, the whole thing.
SPEAKER_02:I'm dreading all the mom friending. I feel like I'm like just at the cusp of it, and it's very scary. And I can't even imagine it being with all people that were 10 plus years older than me.
SPEAKER_01:So I feel like I often will bring up to like our group of friends, Brit. Like, I always reference you, Melissa, obviously, for because I've seen so closely like you and your family. And I'll say to our girlfriends, I'm like, you guys, like we joke, no new friends. Like, you're gonna be introduced to so many new moms, and it's crazy, like the dynamics between parents, not just moms, but like sports, how that's so like real. People who get very competitive, very almost take their kids' achievements as their own. And it's like a whole new world. Yeah, I cannot without.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. And like I will say too, like the comments about being me being young, I still get to this day. Like without fail, anytime I'm with Ava for something, she plays lacrosse. So if it's a lacrosse game and I'm in the stands, and somebody references some movie, maybe when they were growing up, without doubt, it happens at least, at least once a week, once a uh game. They'll be like, Oh, you don't, you're too young to remember that. You don't know what we're talking about. And like, it will never, it is just a part of my personal like it's just a part of me now is that I am a young mom to Ava, like, and it it will never not be a thing. But two 18 years later, it was turning 18 in less than a month, it's still a thing.
SPEAKER_01:Crazy. Yeah, that is crazy. Do you think Ross like went through a lot of the same things that you went through in terms of relating to other dads?
SPEAKER_03:I feel it's just not the same. Really? It's really not. I think dads are just much more easygoing and you know, then just not as judgmental as well. Yeah. And so Ross, like, yeah, maybe maybe he doesn't have like I don't think any of Abe's friends' dads are gonna be his lifelong friends either, but he would easily can go grab a beer with anybody, like he we were fortunate enough too that his one of his college roommates was literally went through the same thing that we did in the sense that him and his now wife, and they also have four kids now, are pregnant a year after college as well. So we I was just they're two years ahead of me. So it was nice to have that couple to kind of walk walk through like it'll be okay thing.
SPEAKER_01:So again, we already asked a little bit, but like not necessarily about when you're first finding out you're pregnant and you know, like planning for that, but just other young moms who have a baby. Having a baby is obviously very overwhelming just in and of itself. But what advice would you give to those young moms right now?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I mean, I think in some ways, you know, the actual physical part of being pregnant when you're young, it's much easier than when you're older. So you have that going for you. But the emotional side, I think, as it's as a young mom is so much harder because one, you're not as stable, you just you can't be. There's no way, whether that be financially, whether that be like housing, whatever the case may be. But again, like you one, you're pregnant, so everybody, you know, anyone who's pregnant knows like it's an ultra roller coaster, but you are super concerned as a 22-year-old kid what other people think of you.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And you just really need to my advice would be like mentally prepare. Like, people are gonna be nasty and like you're just gonna have to deal with comments that might not even really apply to you, but you like just know that if it's not coming from a good spot, block it out as much as you can because you have way more important things to focus on. I think you do really need to rely really heavily on any community you can find, whether that be like one thing I wish I did, but I was working, so it was hard, is like a mom group. If you are in a town that you don't know anybody, find the mom group. Find there's so many of them. Even at the gym, and you can drop your kids off at the gym play place. That's always like that's always so nice. That's how I met a bunch of moms too one time. Well, during one period of time. But I do think you need to rely, and then you'll be surprised because yeah, just as many people who were, you know, giving me attitude about it or who weren't very happy for me. Again, there were some family members, particularly like again, my aunt, our aunts who threw the baby shower for me, who really stepped up and I or even like the couple Ross's friend who I didn't really know at the time, but really helped me if I had any questions. These people that I just wouldn't have known about or didn't expect to really stepped up and I you had to really lean in on them.
SPEAKER_01:That's amazing to hear too, because like it's just good to know like how much support can really stand out and stick with you almost two decades later. Like it's yeah, maybe more than they even realize. And because they didn't have to, right?
SPEAKER_03:Like they didn't really have to do anything and and they chose to. And I think you know, that is it's just so unexpected. It and it just it does it stick, it sticks with you totally.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. I feel like there is like a sense of like once you have kids and you see like other parents going through like parenting. I feel like there's more of a sense of not like camaraderie, but like I don't know, like you're more willing to help someone because you know like how hard it is and you've been like it's so hard. So like I've experienced that too, and it's it's nice, like people that will go out of their way to like you know make a meal right after you go from the hospital. Like that's yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_01:And it's almost like you don't know what you don't know until you're going through it, right?
SPEAKER_03:So yeah, yeah, and I I just think for young parents, it is just much more of the emotional side, like just again, it's just the physical side of it of actually having a baby. I mean, I think I literally pushed Ava out and got up and just walked to the recovery room, like it was like nothing, like that's like I'm ready, versus even just eight years later when I had the twins, I couldn't walk for like a week. Like, so you know what I mean?
SPEAKER_02:It's just yeah, that's a good point. I've never thought of that, but it makes sense like physically easier, but oh my god, the emotional side is probably like yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Well, that's a good segue because you do have three other children, Sophia, who is turning 15 next month, and twin boys who just turned 11. Do you feel like you parented your kids differently? Like, do you feel like there was a a difference in how you parented Ava versus Sophia and the boys?
SPEAKER_03:I was very defensive over Ava. Ava was not gonna not have anything. So even if it meant credit card, debt, or not really, I'm actually pretty good saver, but like it, even if it meant like me and Ross aren't going up to dinner because Ava needs X, Y, Z, cleats, whatever the case may be, Ava was going to get anything and everything because I was super defensive to make sure that she that she could try out for soccer or you know, do dance or gymnastics or whatever she was into that at at whatever point in her life because I didn't want her to be negatively impacted because of the fact that I was young and still, you know, getting situated. Now, obviously, like Ross and I, we did have to grow up probably a little bit faster than some of our friends, but it all worked out in the end because you know, now we have this, you know, beautiful life with our four children, and you know, we have our beautiful home that we're very proud of, and all that. So I'm sure I do, I mean, I'm sure Ava always says that I'm much more lax with the boys, but it's also because I don't know, I think you know, until you're like the second, third, fourth kid, you're like, Yeah, there's also some of that. Now I kind of look at things a little bit differently and being like, okay, they don't have to do every single thing under the sun, or it's okay if we miss one thing here or there, like it's not the end of the world. Or there are things that like you know, signed Ava out that like it just wasn't necessary, but I just wanted to keep up with the Joneses and make sure that she got exactly what everybody else was doing. And now I have a little bit more perspective of that. Not just sports, but like even school projects. If like, you know, I I would be there with Ava doing every single thing with her to make sure it was perfect. And now Sophia and the boys, I'm like, no, this is your project, do it, and then figure it out. Figure it out. Like, yeah, so that kind of thing. I definitely I think it's perspective and also just my fear of Ava not doing well because of me and Ross. Yeah, totally.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, I think like at the time, too, let's not forget Ross is one of four siblings, and this Ava was the first grandkid on both sides, yeah, and we have a close, extended family through our mom's side. There's nine cousins. We were all like obsessed with her. Like, I think Ava had the full full attention of at all times, like three grown adults until the literally the day she was born, it snapped for a change for a lot of people.
SPEAKER_03:Agreed. She was not only the first grandchild for both of our size, but yeah, to Kristen's point, she was the first for our extended family. The Bignanos hadn't had any kids yet either. Like my auntie Rena could call her her granddaughter. Like she had a lot of attention.
SPEAKER_04:Attention.
SPEAKER_03:Um, my house literally was like throwing up in Disney pink, like anything Disney in the world. We had it. The second, yeah, the second that girl was born, I think everyone quickly realized what the you know priority is and that we'll be just fine. And it was yeah, just getting there that was a little dicey.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, what okay? I have a question. What was like more shocking or like jarring? Finding out you were pregnant with Ava at 22 or twins, going for three kids and then finding out you're having twins and you're gonna have four twins.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, what a good question, Brittany.
SPEAKER_02:Well, yeah. I mean, that's I think about that. When I consider having a third kid, I'm like, I could end up like Mel Mills and Ross with twins, and I do not want that, but I'm not happy.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I mean, the intent was was three children. Um and well, it was so funny because you know, Ross and I obviously had no issues getting pregnant with Ava and or Sophia, and so we were kind of surprised that it was taking us as long as it did to get pregnant for the third time, and we were about to give up. We were just kind of like, oh, forget it. We have two girls, that's fine, blah, blah, blah. So once we find and we were trying for like a year, year and a half, like it was a while. And so for us to finally get pregnant, that was a surprise. Then to find out it was twins, and I had gone to the doctors by myself because I was like, Oh, it's the third baby, like it was eight weeks, you know, like you're not they're gonna try to find the heartbeat sometimes. I can't even do that, it's eight weeks. We'll go to you go come to the 12-week one with me. And it nearly fell off the table. I when she said it was it was yeah, wow.
SPEAKER_01:I have such vivid memories of that. Melissa, Jen and I, it's hilarious the story takes place where it does. We were doing a fun run, a mud run. Yeah, I remember this. Anyone who knows us, that is not where you're gonna catch us most of the time.
SPEAKER_00:Have it done no sense, have it done no sense.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, no, it I don't know what we were thinking, but anyway, we went and Melissa's on the way there and she's telling Jen and I, she's like, you know, something feels different. I I I thought that you voluntarily booked an appointment with your doctor because you felt that something might be No, it's just my eight-week checkup.
SPEAKER_03:It was my it was like kick things off.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, I have that detail wrong then. But I remember you saying you were going to the doctor's whatever. And I thought that I had said to you, I was like, well, maybe you're just having a boy, like you're just older now, maybe that's it, whatever. And then I'm in my bed. And I remember getting a text from Melissa, and all it was was a photo of the top of a book that said twins. And I my jaw dropped. Because I mean, I think the things that you think about first and foremost there is you were in your first home. So like Melissa said, they had a tiny little ranch.
SPEAKER_03:It's like it was oh my goodness. The so the girls had to share a bedroom for the first three years because we were still in our tiny little ranch. And boys' bedroom was so small, you couldn't even like open the door the whole way because it would hit one of the mini mini cribs. You couldn't even there wasn't even enough space for two cribs. It was two mini cribs. Then we had to get a bigger car, we had to figure out like daycare for two kids, and we were gonna have Sophia still in daycare for one of those years. It was like all over again. Like, oh my god, what are we gonna do? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And then Melissa found out that they were identical. So we know at this point it's either gonna be they have a crew of four girls or two and two. Now, for families of four girls, beautiful family, everyone would be happy, sure.
SPEAKER_03:But during this gender reveal, I will say there was a lot of us that were like, okay, is everyone else kind of hoping for boys here? Like, are we saying it out loud? Are we saying out loud? Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Um, the girls put into cupcakes, right?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, blue cupcakes.
SPEAKER_01:And truly, it was this year that Melissa told me that her and Ross knew ahead of time what the gender was. I to I never knew that.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, no, I couldn't wait. Yeah. And if it was two girls, I think we'd me and Ross both had to prep in case it was gonna be four girls. Because then we would have four teenage girls, like it would have been four of anything.
SPEAKER_02:I mean, I think of my I would be the opposite. If I got pregnant with twins, like having four boys, I'd be like, I can't do that. I can't do that. Yeah.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I am curious. I mean, you and Ross having navigated these huge moments of okay, this life is taking us in this direction. Like, what do you think is the strongest like part of your marriage or your relationship? Like, is there something that you can point to that you think has really helped you guys keep that relationship strong?
SPEAKER_03:I mean, we like each other. We're definitely we just like like to hang out, not you know, not always like you know, husband and wife and like good friends too. Yeah, like I could hang out with him any day all day. Like, so I think that helps I like genuinely like being with him. So I think you know, that helps. We're both very again come from strong, like close families. So I think that, you know, just having that instilled in you definitely helps when you have yourself a big family, and especially now because you know, kids, four kids nowadays is considered a big family. I think, you know, just having this priorities, like right now we're in a really weird stage in our lives where we're almost bored. Like the kids are getting older and they don't need us as much, or they'll go off to friends' houses, or Ava's driving, and Sophia's in high school, and we don't have anything to do. And now we're like, what do we do? Like, we gotta find hobby. So jealous. So jealous. Like, I gotta find, I gotta find a hobby. I don't yeah. Literally, you know, we le again like come out of college, have been one year, and then we've been parents ever since. And it's always been something the kids have always been little, it's been always work, work, work, and now things are quieting down, and we are not sure what to do with our time. That's not a really exciting.
SPEAKER_01:It's exciting, but I'm also like it's overwhelming.
SPEAKER_03:Well, yeah, and I feel like I'm forget, and I tend to like do better when I'm really busy. Like I make mistakes slow, bored, and so I'm like, I need to get something. Like it's it's been a it's starting to creep up how different things are, especially now that Ava and Sophia are both in high school. And the boys, you know, they're they're 11, they're not they're not little kids, so they're you know, off riding their bikes and stuff, and yeah, nothing going on.
SPEAKER_01:That's kind of an interesting thing to think about, like for any parent, I guess. Not young, like it doesn't matter when you have a kid, but yeah, if your identity for so long is like mom and your life is revolving around all of their activities and all of their things, then I think a lot of people probably go through that. Like it's like, okay, what's my identity outside of this?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, Ross and I keep going out for dinner and we're like, we gotta stop this. Like, we have got to not go all for dinner every time we're like, What do we do? Yeah, I love going out for dinner. Yeah, that's uh so that's as this is new waters for us.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I'm sure I feel like I think of that too. Like I my right now, my brain is so like, go, go, go, go, go, do this, do this. And like, I'm like, oh, and I it'll be weird when I don't have kids. And like my brain doesn't have to be like that. Well, like something like that. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:Different stage of life, but like I still feel like, yeah, at that time, like when I was telling you Britt in Spanish class, like, I can't believe it was 18 years ago. I feel like it's literally gone by so fast in a lot of ways. It's crazy. And Melissa's gonna hate this, and then we are gonna transition a little bit to some sister talk. But like, literally, when I say Melissa is the biggest bad ass you will ever meet in your life, she's gonna hate this. I get it, but like so true. Her family is so amazing, they've had such great experiences, they're the best kids, like such a full life. And it's like, I just feel like you and Ross are like just such good parents. Just I just can't and honestly never know like you had struggles that you were like struggling as you, as of course you were, like at that age to figure it out and to be dealing with your own life. Like 22, you're still don't even know who you are. Like I was a fetus, you know. So yeah, I just need to like brag on you about that also. And I will say, too, as a sister, like even you know, again, the year before prior to that, our lives were disrupted in a different way with our mom's illness. And like Melissa was like taking me shopping for my semi-formal dresses, she's yeah, just literally such a mama bear, like, literally the best person ever. I can't. I'm obsessed with you. Okay, but anyway, we're gonna get that's out of the system. Okay, so let's maybe talk a little sister talk. Sure. Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:All right, so I get to ask the questions now. So, what where do you guys think you fit in like the birth order theory?
SPEAKER_03:I think we're only child children. I think we're only children. So far apart that we really grew up with the experience of being an only child. My childhood is insanely different than Kristen's. I went to elementary school in Randolph with a whole different town and a whole different group of friends, and a whole different experience than Kristen. I grew up with the Bignano cousins, Kristen grew up with the McManus cousins. Like totally different life experiences. We really didn't know each other until like Kristen went to college.
SPEAKER_01:1000%.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I definitely think like, I think traits of only children are sometimes similar to oldest children in the sense that they do get a lot of like attention from adults and but they're also maybe spending a lot of time alone. So they're very independent and self-reliant. I definitely think both of us are like that. I think I definitely am like that. I I would say slightly, I do think that you've always been like a little more responsible than me. Like better with Maya. She's like, okay. Not anymore, but there was a time. There was a time. There was a time. But yeah, like Melissa, always good with saving, always just very organized, like on it. I would say on the flip, maybe I'm a little bit more spontaneous or adventurous than you, which probably aligns a little more with younger.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. 100%. So how are you and Kristen most alike? And how are you most different?
SPEAKER_03:The difference one is 100% Kristen's spontaneous. She's a risk taker more than I am. Yeah. But I think we're alike in the sense, you know, we are, I would say, more laid back. I don't think we're uptight people. Go with the flow. Go with the flow. I think we're, you know, we have a lot of empathy for others and we do forgive. I don't think we hold grudges. I don't know. I don't think of me and Kristen as like hard people. Like, you know, there's always people that are just like difficult to deal with, and every single thing is just it's exhausting. I don't think that me and Kristen are like exhausting people.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. No one's like, oh, Kristen and Melissa are coming to this party.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Or like, what drama are they gonna start now? Like, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I think we have the opposite problem. We're like, oh, you know that they want us to come.
unknown:Sure.
SPEAKER_02:Sure.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, I think that we're very alike, and honestly, our how we speak, I think our mannerisms. I think a lot of the times, like Melissa and I, I mean, we see each other all the time. So this happens often where we'll be, I'll be like Melissa, or she'll be like Kristen. And I'm like, I was just gonna say that. So I think a lot of the times, like the way we like think almost is similar. Yeah. And I agree that yeah, we are laid back people. And I think we're good people. Like, I think we are empathetic, like you said. I think we care about other people. And then yeah, I think the differences probably are just like the spontaneity, spontaneity, but also just like be even talking about this, like our life circumstances. Like my fears now about being like an older mom are a little bit more on like the physical. Like, how would I even handle that? Like, how would I handle all of those things if I had a kid at 40 or whatever? But I think because of our life circumstances, I am a little bit more just yeah, maybe unaware. I haven't had to like this is an example. We went to Penn State and I volunteered to make the packing list. The packing list. Do you want to tell it?
unknown:No.
SPEAKER_02:I'm like, oh boy.
SPEAKER_03:It's like, who the fuck did this?
SPEAKER_01:And I was like, Come over here, you know. I'm gonna make this list. I'm gonna be organized and help the family. So me and Megan make the list. And Ross said something, like Ross was like, I mean, yeah, you could tell this list was made by someone who's never had to throw a party in her life, like or never hosted in her life. I'm like, it's like nothing is it doesn't make sense. It was just literally like you have this, this, this, this, and this. So it's like toilet paper ketchup and chicken tenders.
SPEAKER_03:Like nothing made sense.
SPEAKER_01:We were there for like 36 hours too, and we had more food and like, oh my god, like it was like, but I think that is maybe a case in point where just like our life circumstances have maybe made us a little different and those types of things. Yeah, but I don't know.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I feel like you guys are more similar than different. Yeah, I agree. Yeah, I agree. I would I was gonna say your similarity, it's like your your useless pop culture knowledge. Oh love of the 90s, all things nineties.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, you know what's funny though is that Ross kicks my ass in trivia every single time we go, What? Every time.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, Ross should be on Jeopardy. That for Ross.
SPEAKER_03:I can say that for Ross. So annoying.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. Well, you know what's funny is that we do joke about with our mom, like it's like she has a hard time sometimes. She'll think of a word, but there's kind of like a disconnect between her saying the word and the word that she's thinking of. It's hard for her to say what she's trying to thinking about. But you will ask her, who starred in the 58th episode of MASH? Yes. She's like Alan Alda's sister, da da da Alda. Like she just, it's like insane how this woman will pull out facts about pop culture from 50 years ago. And then I was like kind of joking about it. And I'm like, I'm over here hosting a pop culture podcast. Like, obviously, it doesn't fall too far. So, but yeah, I mean, Melissa, last final thoughts. Is there anything that we didn't ask you about that you want to take the time to talk about or any just final thoughts, you know, um, before we wrap up?
SPEAKER_03:No, I don't think so. This was great. This was fun. Did you have fun? Right? I did, I did. I had a lot of fun. I'll talk about Ann Michael May any day of the week if you want.
SPEAKER_02:Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01:Literally.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I'm gonna have to go follow her.
SPEAKER_01:Go in the comments. If you go and you don't look in the comment section, you're gonna be like, okay, like it's fine, she's cute, whatever. Look at the comments. Wow, gold.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that's unique. I feel like I've never been told to follow someone, not for their content, but for the comments. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:It's just the whole thing. She's just like baking pies. Like, it's not like, I mean, it's cute and it's adorable, don't get me wrong. Right. But uh it's not great.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, yeah. Well, Melissa, thank you so much for coming on. I absolutely love this episode and loved having you. We will be back on Friday with a regularly scheduled program.
SPEAKER_02:Make sure to like us, comment at us, friend us on social media at Snitch and Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Go to our website www.snitch and podcast.com and tell everyone you know about us.
SPEAKER_03:Awesome. Thanks, everyone. Bye.
SPEAKER_02:Bye.