From Crisis to Courage - Tricia's Story

Tricia’s story is one of crisis, clarity, and conviction. In this deeply personal Choice Chat segment, she reflects on becoming pregnant as a student while living in an abusive relationship, being denied compassionate abortion care, and navigating stigma at one of the most vulnerable moments of her life. From that experience, Tricia traces the path that led her to advocacy, reproductive justice work, and becoming an abortion doula in Ottawa. Her story speaks candidly about judgment in the healthcare system, the unequal burden of contraception, and the courage it takes to speak openly about abortion in a culture that still surrounds it with silence. This is a powerful story of survival, self-determination, and building the support she once needed for others. 

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Transcript

Producer (00:14)

ChoiceChat believes in the power of real voices. In this segment, we're sharing personal stories from people who have faced deeply personal choices about pregnancy and abortion. These are stories of resilience, heartbreak, healing and hope told by those who've lived them. They remind us that abortion isn't just a political issue, it's a human one. By listening, we honour their courage and help dismantle the silence and stigma that still surrounds reproductive health care in Canada.

 Tricia's story begins in crisis, alone, vulnerable, and denied care by a doctor who saw her decision as a moral failure. But that was only the beginning. In this powerful reflection, Tricia traces her journey from seeking an abortion as a student in an abusive relationship to becoming a committed abortion rights advocate and Doula. With unflinching honesty, she recounts the stigma, the gaps in care, and the personal strength it takes to fight for reproductive justice, not just for herself, but for others. This is a story of awakening, resistance, and building the community she once needed.

Tricia (01:33)

When I was doing my undergrad, I became pregnant. I was extremely ill, vomiting nearly constantly for two weeks, and knew immediately upon being told by the doctor at the campus healthcare clinic that I was pregnant that I wanted an abortion. As a student living on my own, I was not stable in either my life circumstances or my mental health. I was also in an abusive relationship with a partner who struggled with addiction and mental illness.

This was not a situation in which I was willing to raise a child. Deciding that it would not be to my benefit or a potential child's, I sought my abortion options. At the time, wait times in Ottawa for surgical abortion access were greater than two weeks. Initially, I attempted to seek a medical abortion. I attended the appointment on my own, already exhausted and emotionally drained, only to be met with judgment and skepticism. The doctor who saw me was cold and overtly moralistic. His demeanor steeped in a kind of hyper-conservativism that made it clear he disapproved not only of my decision but of me. He shamed me for becoming pregnant and treated me as if I were irresponsible, despite the very clear and valid reasons I had for seeking an abortion.

Even though I was seven weeks and five days pregnant, well within the window for a safe and effective medical abortion, he refused to prescribe the medication. He told me without compassion that at that stage the pills wouldn't work, that the fetus would still be alive afterward, and I'd end up needing surgery anyway. There was no effort to discuss my options, no informed consent, no care, just a blanket refusal and a thinly veiled scolding. I left the clinic feeling vulnerable, judged, and incredibly alone. 

It was a moment that should have been met with medical care and empathy, but instead, I was treated like a problem to be dismissed. I called a friend, knowing that it would be impossible to get timely abortion access in Ottawa. It was a Friday afternoon, and we spent the rest of the day researching and calling abortion providers in Montreal until I was finally able to secure an appointment for the following Monday morning. Many times, in my life, I've spoken about my experiences surrounding abortion. Reducing stigma first involves humanizing an issue. When abortion comes up in a discussion, I usually volunteer that I have accessed abortion. Self-disclosing such information opens you up to ridicule and judgment that you must be prepared for.

But within my value set, I view abortion as healthcare. We live in a medical model based on male bodies, where reproductive health issues and pain are often minimized and ignored. Pregnancy is considered a woman's responsibility, and both becoming pregnant and accessing abortion are framed as moral failures. I will always push back against these narratives. Pregnancy requires two people.

Two people have an equal and shared responsibility to avoid unwanted pregnancy. Contraception options are medically invasive and have a negative impact on women's health and bodies. I have had three IUDs, all of which, after varying amounts of time, caused pressure in my pelvis that impacted my gait and ability to walk. I've been on multiple forms of oral contraception, each with numerous negative side effects. Cervical caps, diaphragms, condoms, and spermicides have caused chronic UTIs and yeast infections. There are currently no non-lubricated, non-latex condoms on the market. Some bodies are extremely sensitive to certain lubricants and materials. There simply aren't enough options. Methods for monitoring birth cycles naturally are not taught or offered in the mainstream medical model.

 And at this stage in my life, I am no longer willing to medicate myself with synthetic versions of natural female hormones in a system that does not adequately research their impact on female bodies. Mainstream narratives insist that not making use of these products makes you irresponsible. Since pregnancy is avoidable through medication and medical devices, choosing not to use them due to their negative health implications is irresponsible.

I am not advocating for the use of abortion as a method of family planning. I am calling for more research on women's bodies, less medically invasive options for women, and investment in male contraceptive research to prevent pregnancy. We need to bring back education on cycle tracking, on sex practices that avoid fertilization, and on the shared responsibility of all sexually active people in preventing pregnancy. 

 People are quick to share their opinions and values on an experience they've never had. My brother once told me he was sad for me. A close mentor who was unable to have children of her own told me she views abortion sought outside of medical reasons as immoral. Abortion has been practiced since the earliest recorded civilizations. And each individual who becomes pregnant has the right to determine for themselves whether their circumstances, position in their life cycle, support network, timing, and desire align with continuing a pregnancy. 

 I have a son now, the result of a pregnancy that was the right time, place, situation, and circumstance for me to continue into motherhood. I carefully considered all my options for that pregnancy, who I was at the time I became pregnant and who I wanted to be. I assessed my support network, who would be there for me and for this other person I was considering trying to grow. Life is precious, and the decision to continue a pregnancy should be carefully weighed by the person carrying it. The life of the parent who will be carrying the pregnancy and caring for the potential child is just as important as the would-be child. 

My commitment to reproductive justice and access to reproductive health care is so strong that I have become an abortion doula in Ottawa. I am a core member of the Ottawa Abortion Doula Collective, committed to supporting people as they navigate their options and make decisions about continuing or ending their pregnancies. There is still so much stigma surrounding abortion that many dedicated providers do not publicly advertise their services. As a result, those seeking medical abortions may struggle to navigate how and where to access them. Health care in Canada is not as universal as many believe.

Many vulnerable people living on the fringes of society lack access to health insurance. The out-of-pocket costs to see a doctor and pay for medication often serve as barriers to abortion health care. Ultimately, my experiences accessing abortions have led me to a deep commitment to social justice. As part of a network of women, I advocate for people's rights to access abortion health care.

 My use of self-disclosure in advocacy has been a double-edged sword. I was once denied a job with an older adult recreation agency due to my abortion advocacy in connection with the Ottawa Abortion Doula Collective. Still, where one door closes, another opens. There is always a risk when I disclose that I have had multiple abortions, that I will be viewed as an abuser of the abortion medical system, that I will be labelled as someone using abortion as a method of birth control. But mostly, being open about my experiences has brought me closer to the communities I work within. I've learned that selective disclosure of my own experience can be useful in the pursuit of social justice.

Producer (09:57)

Thank you for listening. When someone shares what they've been through, it cuts through the silence and reminds us that we are not alone. If you have a story to share, we invite you to add your voice. Whether it's quiet or bold, painful or empowering, your experience could offer hope, comfort or clarity to someone else on their journey.

Contact us by email at choicechat@humanistcanada.ca. 

Together, we're building a space where truth is heard, stigma is challenged, and choice is honoured.