The Resident Table

S1 E3: Shenanigans, Sh*t Talk, and the Stuff That Makes It All Worth It

• The Resident Table • Season 1 • Episode 3

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In this episode, we’re getting real about what makes a team thrive—not medals, not training blocks—but connection, laughter, and the kind of dark humor that gets you through the hardest days. From spontaneous jokes on the pool deck to long van rides, prank emails, white elephant gift fails, and team bonding over burritos and broken prosthetics, we’re sharing the stories that really built the culture behind Team USA Para.

We talk about the role of humor in navigating disability, failure, and high-stakes performance, and why fun wasn’t a distraction—it was the glue that held us together. Whether it’s being the “glimmer of hope” after a brutal workout, calling each other out with love, or joking about the ridiculous frustrations of adaptive sport, this episode is a celebration of the joy behind the grind.

Thanks for pulling up a chair at The Resident Table.
If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to follow, rate, and review the show wherever you get your podcasts. You can also watch full video episodes on our YouTube channel and follow us on Instagram at @theresidenttable for behind-the-scenes content, athlete spotlights, and more.

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Until next time—thanks for being part of the team.

SPEAKER_00:

We're a decorated team of athletes

SPEAKER_01:

and their coach. And we are here to have meaningful conversations around

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high performance, disability, and the power of culture. We're here to share our journeys as elite athletes to inspire, motivate, and teach you to build strong, diverse, and inclusive cultures

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that break barriers, embrace resilience, and unlock potential

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in sports, business, and life. Through stories and impactful discussions, you're going to learn how to create a world where diverse perspectives fuel high performance, include All right.

SPEAKER_01:

Welcome

SPEAKER_02:

back to the resident table. Uh, Thank you for joining us for another episode of Shenanigans. I think this one we're going to start off with Shenanigans because we're going to talk about the dynamic of our team that was really great was how much fun we had to the point where people from other countries on different teams would tell us, man, I wish I was on Team USA. And that's how we got Mo.

SPEAKER_04:

I didn't see that coming. He's so predictable most of the time. That was good. Let's go. Let's

SPEAKER_02:

go. But seriously, keeping it light and like we talked about in other episodes, enjoying the process is what made this team really good. And the stories that we've shared in between taping that we probably should have taped are some of our favorites. know special moments that you know like when it was time to train we trained super hard but when it was over we made light of the parts that sucked and being in that suck with other people as i learned in the military is like what really bonds you you know what really bonds you and and you know we've talked about episodes where it helps build trust you know when you're in the suck together and you can laugh about it that type two type three kind of fun um that's way more important than, you know, getting to the games, getting a gold medal and looking back on your experience and hating it and being like, man, I just wasted four years of my life for this medal that, at the end of the day, you know, it's just a trinket. And I think for all of us, I think I'm the only person at the table that has not made a games that they wanted to go to. And so... I can speak to crushing defeat, but I can look back at my time on the team and be like, man, it's still some of the best years of my life. It didn't end the way that I thought it would, but I made some of the best friends, had some of the best times, and that to me is more important than if I'd gone to the games and had hated all those experiences. You definitely bring... Oh, gosh. Dare I even compliment you? It's painful. It is. This is the first time that Howie is coming. The first time you've ever had to

SPEAKER_03:

give Howie a compliment?

SPEAKER_02:

But you, I mean, you, like, everyone's like, oh, Howie's coming. Or, oh, it's not the same without Howie. Eight years later. Yeah, you definitely bring a dynamic that is fun. Like, I mean, I've never... like made fun of someone. Excuse me. Like, yeah. Yeah. Right. So you just add this level of like, I don't know. I don't even know. Like fun. Oh God. That was such a

SPEAKER_01:

compliment. Well, I mean, just tell him he's good looking while you're,

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I

SPEAKER_01:

mean,

SPEAKER_03:

let's just, I mean, let's just like, like, let's just think of it this way. I mean, like, you know, what was it at the beginning of 2020? Uh, you know, Kendall was getting back from a winter training camp or something like that. It was her first time back at the training center for a while. Howie just rolls out into the middle of the dining hall and is like,

SPEAKER_04:

Hey, everybody, it's Kendall Gretch, two-time Paralympic gold medalist.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't think she sat with us for a year.

SPEAKER_01:

You know what I think? Again, it was one of those things that you think through, but it has to happen organically. But all of the shared experiences that we had outside of sport, and I think that started to bond you guys so much closer, and it became so much more real than if you just showed up. Like, you know, the go-karting that we would do, the ski trips that we would do, the meal at your house with your family, the meals that we would go out to, like... All of those shared experiences outside of basically our workplace really started to create this cohesive unit and realizing that, hey, if we're going to get through this, we're going to get through this together, but we've got to have some compartmentalization. There has to be a time where we're not just focused on doing these crazy hard workouts and this, that, or the other. I think that's why you guys are all so close and remain so close to this day. I

SPEAKER_00:

think it's also why we're all still doing it. I feel like there's so much longevity on this team. I think that's twofold. I think one is You know, we are having that compartmentalization and having that fun along the way so that it doesn't feel like work in the way that it could if we were taking things a little bit more seriously. But then I think there's also the part where... you don't really want to leave because it is so fun. You know, like how many of us here have like contemplated retirement, but then you're like, Oh, but then

SPEAKER_01:

I think I just heard Melissa say she's in for LA.

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Never say never. But we're tired after Rio. So 10

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years later, I'm

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going to end up with, you

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know, where I feel like some of that bonding happened, uh, when they were doing a mass clean of the pool at the Olympic and Paralympic Trading Center. And so we got forced over to Air Force and had to do our swims there. And so Howie decided that since we had to be driving 30 minutes every day, he was just going to buy a minivan.

SPEAKER_02:

I don't know, me and Mo spent like nine hours to get like$5,000 savings on that van. Those

SPEAKER_00:

van rides, I feel like that was where a lot of that, you know, real team body What was that podcast that we were listening to? Oh, my

SPEAKER_01:

God. Cereal. Oh, the one about the food? Yeah, cereal. No, it's not

SPEAKER_00:

food. I

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was just like, what are we listening to? It's just like about Golden Grahams. Melissa, this was before our time. Yeah, this was first year. This was OG when we got the first team van. But I think, you know, talking about like no one wants to leave, like, throughout the years, from the first year until the last year I was there, and even when I visited after I left the training center, we're at the resident table until we shut down the cafeteria. I mean, the lights are turning off and they're finally sending us out and you get like FOMO if you're not at that table because you're not going to be in the end. Same thing. If we're going to go get ice cream, like you're going to miss out. And so it's like, oh man, I need to make sure I know what we're going to joke about tomorrow on the pool day. I had massive FOMO like every night because I wasn't there for dinner. That'll teach you how to have a family that loves you. I know.

SPEAKER_04:

I

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have to go home to my family. Should have been single

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and hated. Exactly. Like winning This is kind of funny to think about now, but a lot of our team bonding actually came about because of COVID. Because the training center got shut down, Howie and I are trapped there on campus. Kendall and Haley, you guys were like... we're peacing out. Um, bye. We're going to move off campus. No, I just, just kidding there. But you guys, but you guys moved off, but you guys moved off campus. And then all of a sudden we're like, wait, I want to see my friends. How do we, how do we figure out to, to see my friends? And, and Howie and I are like, okay, how he's like, you need to go try on bike helmets.

SPEAKER_02:

You had to write down, like tell them why you're leaving the training center. And they give you like 40 minutes. And we're like, we're going to the, we got, we need bike equipment. Yeah. Counting these bike shoes. Yeah. And then boom, we're over there doing a barbecue. Throwing burrs on the grill.

SPEAKER_03:

Try it on bike helmets.

SPEAKER_00:

We were probably socially distanced.

SPEAKER_04:

And

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then we did

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Colorado over COVID where we were going to wear masks the whole time in the RV and sit six feet apart.

SPEAKER_01:

Y'all didn't wear masks?

SPEAKER_02:

We did wear masks and we were six feet apart at all times. At all times. It was very COVID complacent. But I think to bring it back, it is important that we have those moments because of the hard times that we face at this level of competition. You're not always going to win. You're going to have failures. And the only way to survive those is through dark humor and tough love. If it wasn't for tough love on this team, there'd be no love because that's what kind of drives you forward and bonds you. And then when you do have a tough race in Montreal and the emotions are getting high, I can dig into you a little bit and be like, hey, No, suck it up. Suck it up. You're going to be fine because I know. We've learned about each other. We know where we can push and when we have to hold back. You understood the boundaries. You don't learn that if you don't have shared experiences outside of the sport, I think.

SPEAKER_01:

You also start to realize Howie is doing this not because he hates me. He's actually doing this because he loves me. I would say

SPEAKER_02:

if you're not getting picked on on this team, find a different team. It's so apparent with disabilities also, right? Even when I was recovering at Walter Reed, I'm above the knee amputee and you start calling the below the knee amputee is like you just said, how are you like, it's like a paper cut. It's no big deal. Like I w we would, we would like compare an army amputee. I would be like, well, I can do this. She's like, well, I can do this. Like what one's worse, you know? So it's like the humor starts. So I think coming into a team with someone, you know, spinal cord injuries, amputations, visually impaired, like you just make fun of each other and that's what bonds you. But I think the

SPEAKER_00:

best was having those jokes that we do have here in the pair of space, but then expanding it to our friends who are Olympic athletes.

SPEAKER_04:

How

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uncomfortable

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can you make somebody? Yes. I think I'm not saying I'm the king of making people feel uncomfortable. I might be the king and I have so much fun especially with like new people that have never been around people with disabilities because you know you start throwing out the c-word everyone gets uncomfortable when you're like

SPEAKER_00:

what's

SPEAKER_02:

c-word cripple yeah you can't say that we can say that

SPEAKER_01:

remember the time that someone from the usat emailed you and asked if you wanted running

SPEAKER_04:

shoes

SPEAKER_01:

the

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response emails just like you know, like I think it's unbelievably, you know, just rude that you would reach out to me, a person that's in a wheelchair and can't run, you know, can't walk. You're asking me about running shoes and I just go on and on. And then I give like five spaces so they can't see the bottom of the email until they scroll down. And then it's like, I'm just fucking with you. Next time I see him, he's like, I was so scared. Well, you come in. So you've been to my house in Colorado Springs a few times and my group of friends have, you know, taking a liking to you. And there was one time. She's not happy with you. No. I'm always like, is Howie coming? I'm like, shut up. I don't know about Howie's coming. But I think someone owed you like$10. And they helped you get out to your car. And then he asked for the money. And he came back inside. And he's like, I can't believe I just asked a guy in a wheelchair for$10. And I'm like, who cares? But their uncomfortableness is just, it's great.

SPEAKER_01:

But you guys didn't get along at first, did you? I thought you

SPEAKER_00:

did. Oh, no. Yeah,

SPEAKER_02:

we still are I've put Haley down as my like What do you call it? Contact and it's like, you know like relationship and I was an arch nemesis All

SPEAKER_00:

right call anytime

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Preferably

SPEAKER_03:

between like midnight and 4 a.m. But

SPEAKER_02:

what

SPEAKER_01:

changed because now you guys

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are so we met Early on, I think, you know, through Dare to Try in Chicago, I think while I was still in rehab, you know, there was like a thing at a running place where they were doing the elite team. And I'd never done a race and somehow get invited on to Dare to Try's elite team. I'm like, Carrie, I've never raced ever. at all we needed people i know and they're just like we're trying to fill a men's wheelchair spot you're the token we gotta have one dude in a chair um but me and hayley just didn't i think there was like an age gap and plus they had like their circle and i was definitely not in it yet um and so

SPEAKER_00:

are you calling me clicky

SPEAKER_02:

oh this is the pair of faces very clicky but then when i moved to the training center you know like i didn't really know anyone and me and hayley had maybe said hi to each other and you know five years like five times and then we just started getting coffees together and chatting and just next thing you know we're just hanging out all the time and through bonding in the team room and around the resident table is really what it was it was just putting that time in to get to know each other and then I felt like you start to feel responsible for each other and making sure I like to be the ultimate hype man for everyone too that's why I'm wearing like a Kendall and tank top right now that says hydrate like a champion because kendall is the beast of all of us with the most gold she can't even counter gold medals she's like i think i have three or four she's like she doesn't know i'm like must be rough yeah how much you have i just i don't even i have

SPEAKER_03:

wait

SPEAKER_02:

are you are you talking i feel i feel like i can just feel i can feel the eye roll did you say how many medals do i have are you talking about war medals oh oh Nice catch. But do you have both? No, I don't have both yet, but we're working on it. It's like a step process. I'm working my way up. I think there's no other... I think coming into the pool deck or the resident table, I would just come in and confidently tell you guys the... Like, things I would never, like, just come into a group of seven people and just announce. Like what? Oh, I mean, well, we had, like, our saying where you just, like, roll in and you have to be like, guys, I have a confession. And then it's just the most ludicrous bullshit you've ever heard in your life. What's an example? Yeah, give us an example, Melissa. I'm curious. There's so many of them. There's so many of them. We're all thinking of one. I thought we were going straight to the 4th of July. Yeah, okay, okay. Yeah, I did. America's birthday. The cat, what's his, the cat or the dog? You guys, so I walked in, so I had broken my back a few days earlier, and I hadn't been to swim practice yet, so I hobble in, like completely swollen, I can hardly walk. But in the meantime, I happened to accidentally... A dog ran in front of my car. And it was six years old. And I came into the pool deck, hobbled in, and I said, guys, I hit a dog. And I never would have said that in any other

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group.

SPEAKER_02:

And I did not know that that was going to become the joke of the decade about killing a dog. It died.

SPEAKER_03:

That just became one of the many Melissa-isms.

SPEAKER_02:

It was six years old. You

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justified

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it somehow. The point is that I would never come into a group and

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feel comfortable saying that, but for some reason, for you guys, I did. I think that's just the trust or the team part of it or just that we're going to have fun with it, which maybe I needed that humor to help me cope with it, knowing that I was going to get it.

SPEAKER_03:

Melissa, you kind of had at least... Early on in the team, you kind of had this serious mom vibe. Really?

SPEAKER_04:

Kind

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of. Do not call her a housewife. No, you weren't the housewife. Don't do it. No, no. But you were kind of like... I'm not a housewife. It was almost like teen mom.

SPEAKER_02:

But I'm okay with

SPEAKER_03:

that, too. But then we do our white elephant... Gift exchange.

SPEAKER_02:

This is going to become a roast, Melissa. Okay, wait. Before we start this story, Kyle, just remember these situations are how we bonded as a team. You have to learn about your friend's boundaries and sometimes their disabilities. And Melissa is such a good person that, like you, Kyle, she doesn't see disabilities. No, she doesn't. She doesn't see disabilities at all. So tell the Christmas story,

SPEAKER_03:

Kyle. Okay. Derek has this great idea. Let's all do a white elephant gift exchange amongst the team. Howie and Haley went shopping together and they picked out gifts. I went into my closet and pulled out whatever I could find that I didn't want and threw it into a bag. Melissa goes out and buys a a raunchy coloring book.

SPEAKER_02:

Was it raunchy? It was very raunchy. I think it was a Walmart coloring

SPEAKER_03:

book. It was an adult coloring book, and she goes all out, gets colored pencils, and she wraps it up all nice, nice, and all that, and comes to the, and as a white elephant, you throw it in the middle of the table, and you just randomly reach in, grab something. Who grabs the coloring book? I reach in, I grab, and open it up, Thanks, Melissa.

SPEAKER_02:

Kyle, you never even tried. I did not. You don't even know. You could be a really good color. I could

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be a really good color. I like to color outside the lines.

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And that's

SPEAKER_03:

appreciated. I think I did wind up trading the coloring book for a really awesome coffee mug.

SPEAKER_00:

A very tactile coffee mug. It was made of bike chains.

SPEAKER_03:

It was really awesome. It was really cool. And then... but for some reason, uh, this, this, you know, it was, uh, about a year later, uh, we're at a, we're at a camp and, you know, you know, just for some reason throughout the year, it was, yeah, Melissa, uh, like you just, you gave Kyle a coloring book for Christmas. It was like, you didn't give it to me. You didn't give it to me.

SPEAKER_04:

You

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know, and then it's just tacked on everything else. And then, and then, you know, we're, we're at a, you and I get stuck on a relay team together or get put on a relay team together for training and swim racing or whatever, and you forgot to tell me to go. I don't see. I think you can see. It eventually turned into this, oh, Melissa just hates blind people, whereas it really was just, you know, she hates Kyle.

SPEAKER_02:

That's okay. Well, we know that she hated blind people, and she also tried to kill your dog, so we know she hates dogs. What? Not your dog? Yeah, remember when you slammed its door and it bled out all over the place? Oh, God, yes. Melissa's just causing... Melissa acts all nice, but she's running around wreaking havoc on people's lives. I accidentally caught Kyle's service dog's tail in a door. And I'm like, Kyle, he's fine. There's blood everywhere. He's wagging his tail. Blood is like flying everywhere. And I'm like, Kyle, it's

SPEAKER_04:

fine.

SPEAKER_03:

But we're laughing about it. But we found these boundaries and we trusted each other And, you know, and if we just we are able to laugh about all of this and, you know, and it it turned into things where you started leaning into it.

SPEAKER_02:

Oh,

SPEAKER_03:

yeah. And it was amazing. And like, you know. all of a sudden you start, you know, you were very proper early on. And then all of a sudden you start. And then all of a sudden four letter words start flying. And we're like, wait, what?

SPEAKER_02:

You know what, Melissa? You can say that I break people, but we could talk about Yokohama. Okay. We don't have to continue this conversation. I think the idea is that You have to lean into it. It's like fun. That's part of it, right?

SPEAKER_01:

And I think, too, those first couple years of the resident team and figuring things out and learning, and there was some real stress, some very significant stress. And I think one of the things that I began to really appreciate is we needed— I'm going to go into Melissa flattery mode towards Howie real quick of like, we needed Howie. Like we needed you on the team to help us understand when it was time to laugh and joke a little bit and not take ourselves quite so seriously because we were still figuring out our direction and our purpose. And, um, that was your role. That was, that was no, no. I've

SPEAKER_02:

embraced that role since my military days

SPEAKER_01:

were in fairness, you know, there were times where I would have to give, um, reports to my direct reports and like you don't understand how he serves a role that is so crucial to our team that there's we have to keep him. We absolutely have to keep him and give him the chance that he deserves. And so I think like having that person in a team is important. Now, there's there's a time and a place to crack jokes and stuff. And I think we all figured out those That situational awareness. But yeah, it was so important, especially early on, to kind of bring a little candor and bring a little lightheartedness to something that felt so serious.

SPEAKER_02:

And it's one of the reasons that, like I said, people from other teams notice. They notice how much fun we're having while we collect up all the medals. You know what I mean? It's not like we're the team that's joking around so much that we are not bringing home medals at every race. Instead, we're the team... even outside the resident team that we bring in the U S athletes and we become this huge force of fun and just wrecking house on the metal count, which, so they can't, they can't say anything. They can't be like, oh, they're always messing around. Right. And it's like, no, we're enjoying this. Like we're enjoying every bit of this from winning to losing and in between, like we're enjoying it, you know, and it makes us better athletes, better people. And Derek, you did such a good job, Derek, of recognizing that each one of us had kind of like a place on the team and recognizing the power of all of us together and And knowing that, okay, you know, like we need this person on the team because they do this. Or like, I feel like each one of us had like a specific like role that we served almost without necessarily knowing that we were doing it.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't know how many times, you know, I roll into the, you know, you roll, anyone roll into the, you know, the, the try room and Kendall's there ready to make anybody a coffee. Like, you know, Team barista, clutch, clutch. Everyone has that role, and everyone has their space. Humor, knowing when to live, laugh, and love each other, it's a real thing. When it's time to get serious, when it's time to get focused, we're able to any one of us is able to bring that focus, but then any person can just crack something and it lightens the mood.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. Yeah. I think we've all seen each other at pretty low points and it's nice that we can, you know, how you can give that person a little bit of shit that will lift them up. I mean, honestly, like it'll lift them up to where they can be like, okay, kind of shake off whatever they're going through, whether it's, you know, from training to losing at races or not performing the way you want to, or having a struggle, you know, at home, whatever it is, like we kind of pick up on it and then you can grab that person and just kind of be like, you know, bring up a story about Melissa. And the next thing you know, we're laughing and it kind of sets, changes the mood and then sets up everyone for a little bit better training the next time. It's hard to go into a training when you're miserable. So it's nice when you're on the pool deck coming in, sucking and, especially me on the Kyle said he's the worst swimmer, but I think we all know who it was. So like every swim, I'm pretty

SPEAKER_03:

sure you were faster than me when we first started.

SPEAKER_02:

Every swim was murder for me though. And so it was nice to like have that time on the pool deck before it started, like bring it down a little bit and then be like, all right, like let's get this on.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, and then also, I mean, I feel like, Probably 30% of the time I left the pool angry and upset with myself for how my workout went. And, you know, sometimes, you know, we always went straight from the pool to breakfast and, you know, sometimes I would carry some of that anger with me. but within 10 minutes it was gone because like, yeah, the mood at the table always was just so jovial and so friendly. And like, it was hard to be mad for too long when you were around this group.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. The one time that I can very specifically point to was when it was during, I think it was one of the times we did our 16 by one hundreds and Derek gave us all paces to try and hit. And only one of us, hit any of the paces or got anywhere close everyone else was like five to ten or even 15 seconds off and afterwards he gathers us all you know on the deck and he was he was visibly frustrated and you know he you know it's like you got to work hard you got to want it like it doesn't matter you know you got to dig it you got to dig in you got to you got to You gotta just figure out a way to do it. And then he turns around, points a candle, and our one glimmer of hope here today. And you'd put like 50 circles around her times. She's the only one hitting them. And like, we all like, it was like the one time, it was the one time, Derek, where like, we're all like, we're all like, fuck, Derek is like lighting into us. But we pulled something out of that. And Kendall became our glimmer of hope. She is still the glimmer of hope. To this day, she is our glimmer of hope.

SPEAKER_02:

How

SPEAKER_01:

do you feel about that, Kendall?

SPEAKER_02:

Were there times, Derek, on the

SPEAKER_01:

inside? We didn't tell Kyle that Kendall didn't come to this episode. We thought he could see. We don't see disabilities. Sorry, Kyle. Derek, were there

SPEAKER_02:

times when you wanted... Because you're right, there was a... In the number of years that we've worked together, there's like, I mean, kind of on one hand, the amount of times you've gotten like mad or like angry or upset at what we do. Are there times on the inside that you were just like, oh man, you're so mad, but you'd like control it?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, for sure. For sure.

SPEAKER_02:

Why not? Like, why? Like, why not? project that more?

SPEAKER_01:

Because I don't think it would have done any good. I, you know, like there were frustrations. Um, and, and, and those are things that I had to learn too, about what's the right composition of a team. And it, there are times where a team has to, has to make changes and ensure that the composition of the team, the people that are on it are aligned and working towards the same common goal. And, and also, um, helping each other. Like, like I hear you guys tell these stories and talk about it. And like, that's how an individual sport became such an effective team is because everything that you guys were doing outside is just the training. Like, like the training is almost the easy part. And yeah, there were times that I would certainly get frustrated. And I think it challenged me a lot as to like how we would have those conversations and how we could have them. And I'm sure there are times you guys got frustrated at me and there were times like, what is going to be the most effective way and yelling and screaming was not going to be effective for any one of you but i think you guys learned it you know over time like the quieter i started to talk kind of like the the more serious it got and the more intense it was um and so i think yeah it comes back to communication and i'm just generally not a yeller or a screamer i mean i would yell i think the the thing i would yell at you guys is who are you In those hard workouts, I'd be yelling, who are you? Who are you? That was intended to drive you in a sense of what you're doing now when you want to quit, when no one else is paying attention, when it's as hard as it's going to get. How you respond to that is how you're going to respond to it in racing when I can't do anything for you. That's how I projected. If I had a frustration, I usually tried to think about maybe your perspective where you guys were or what I might not be communicating as effectively as I can. Um, you know, a lot of deep breaths,

SPEAKER_02:

but it did make it more effective when you did like get mad or like, I mean, then we were all like, Oh man, like we really, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I also think going back to like the 16 by a hundred. So like Kendall did great, but like what, It's, it's a testament to feeding off of each other. Like what's the likelihood that, you know, five of us are going to have a really crappy workout at the same time. It's because we're like feeding off of each other. Well, and

SPEAKER_03:

so, and so what happened, and so, and this is where going back to like previous episodes where, you know, and one of the themes that we talked about is, is trust. And one of the things that made, I think us trust different. Derek even more was that we actually learned later on that there was an issue with the air filtration system at the pool and everyone that day was struggling to, to breed. The air quality was actually really, really poor. And so once Derek found that out, he gathered us all around the table. Um, I think it was the next day or the day after and was like, guys, I'm sorry for, for yelling at you. There was actually a valid reason for, for why you didn't perform. And I did not realize it at the time. And so knowing when to say I was wrong helped build that trust. And I think that's when it became apparent. We now trusted Derek to tell us when he was wrong. And being able to admit that is a big deal. And I think that's when the glimmer of hope comment that we gave Kendall started. That's when it became the joke. And it became an endearment and something where we could, you know, it was one of our labels for Kendall, but it was also a label saying, Derek, we trust you.

UNKNOWN:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm pretty sure, Derek, that my lane in the pool always had an air filtration system.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm pretty sure that's what it was. I remember when we were swimming at the Air Force Academy, and literally that lane against the wall was... Even Mo was like, I'll take that lane. And he's like, this lane sucks. I'm

SPEAKER_02:

like,

SPEAKER_01:

no.

SPEAKER_02:

You know what Mo says.

SPEAKER_01:

I think part of the... Coming back to your question, I... I could never put myself in your position, right? I don't know what it's like to be an amputee and to deal with a socket not fitting or needing to get a new blade or a new run leg. And so I always try to remind myself of that. And you guys were amazing about that was never an excuse or reason not to be able to do something, but it would happen. get in the way at times. It would be something that we had to be honest about. And I had to just listen and understand it from your perspective and try to have some understanding as best I could and empathy there. And I think there were times where humor helped with that a little bit too. So for me, and Kyle's example with that swim, the only time I ever got frustrated is if I thought someone wasn't giving their best effort on the day. And that was rare. I mean, very, very rare.

SPEAKER_02:

I think everyone here with a disability can attest that it's frustrating. Like our lives are inevitably and forever frustrating. There's going to be something that is just... driving us nuts all the time and sometimes it builds up to the point where like I can't pick up something flat off the floor very easy and it'll just set me off where I'm like I freaking hate everything about this and then next thing you know you're around other people we start joking about it or joking with each other and it helps you kind of move forward and forget about those frustrations. And if you don't have that humor in your life and that team in your life that can help you find the funniness and this stuff that happens to us, it's hard. It's really hard. And so I think that's why when people see us and they're like, oh, that's so inspiring that you got your own gas. You're at the grocery store. You're getting out. It's really just perspective changing and Um, and I think that's why I mess with people so much when they're just like, Oh my goodness, you do a triathlon with just your arms. And they're just like talking about it. Like I just cured cancer. And I'm like, I'm like, no, Kyle, like beat freaking cancer. Like, you know, like I'm just doing a triathlon with my arms. Like, So then I got to mess with them, you know? And so they can learn like, oh, they're just regular people. Like they can joke and you don't have to treat us with kid gloves, you know? And so the more I mess with people that don't understand it, the more, you know, where I've got, you know, a shotgun shooter stuck where he can't walk because we're about to go get like ice cream and there's a set of stairs and an elevator. And he's like, I'm going to take the stairs. And I'm like, that's fucked up, man. I can't take the stairs. And then he's like, okay, I'll ride the elevator. And I'm like, oh, you're going to take space up in the elevator from someone else that's probably crippled in a wheelchair and not use the stairs? And he's like, so I should take the stairs? I'm like, oh, you're going to take the stairs now. And he literally just stops and he's like, I don't know what to do right now. And boom, he's broken, but he also understands you can mess around with it. You can treat people just like you would treat anyone else and you can have fun and enjoyment and just... do normal things. We just do them sometimes in a different way to the point where he was so broken that he's like calling us cripples in front of his dad and his dad's like, you can't say that. And he's like, they say that word all the time. And even we're like, you can't say that word, bro.

SPEAKER_01:

And it's very important, especially in this era where everybody want to be correct. And yeah. So yeah. PC.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. So it's good too. People ask me, what's the word to describe us? I'm like, we're just people. They're like, yeah, but you're disabled or handicapped. I'm like, dude, I don't even know what word to tell you because you're going to piss someone off. To the people watching this podcast, I'll just say, we don't know the word. Just treat All of us with respect.

SPEAKER_00:

Actions mean so much more. I don't care what you call me. Just don't park in my spot.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Literally don't.

SPEAKER_03:

Don't call me late for dinner or anything like that. Don't use the wheelchair bathroom at the airport.

SPEAKER_02:

I freaking need that bathroom so bad. One of my favorite stories about Howie, and I'm sure it was very frustrating at the time, and I wasn't even there, but you had this motor on your wheelchair that could help you up a ramp and you're in you said you're in the like your room at the training center and you push this button and you're just up against the wall and it's just like hitting you against the wall and it's like so unfortunate but it's so funny i know the image in my head of that is just i wish i was there to see it and that's where like it was so frustrating this stupid motor is like supposed to help get me around save my arms so i don't have to push but it would just turn on i'd be talking to just turn on yeah it was like i wore a wristband but it would literally i I'd just be talking, and I talk with my– I'm Sicilian. I talk with my hands. And so I'd, like, snap my wrist just right, and bam, I'm just banging into the resin table at full speed. And everyone's looking at me like– you know, the stuff's tipping over, and everyone's looking at me like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm not doing anything. And so, yeah, that particular instance, I had, like, four– cases of like spicy water on my lap that I, you know, commandeered from the cafeteria. And I'm just trying to put it in the fridge. And next thing I know, this thing turns on, it slams me into like, we got a set of Bowflex weights. It's me and Jamie. And so I had to, I'm up on the front wheels of my wheelchair. So I just chucked the cans and Jamie Brown comes out and he's like, what are you doing? And I'm like, help. I think I'm going to die. But it seems like that, like they're so, and you're right. You alluded to it earlier. Like, you know, there are massive frustrations as somebody with a disability, like whether it's the prosthetic or the wheelchair or you can't see Kyle.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh, she

SPEAKER_02:

learned. But there are daily frustrations, but it's also part, it's part of it. Like, like we've lived with it. We know it. And it doesn't mean it doesn't suck sometimes, but like there's no other choice. Like we don't have a choice.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, and that's also where I think just having that shared experience, because I feel like there would be times where I would just latch onto something that I thought was so frustrating and just like, fuck, it's like so not fair that I can do this one thing. And then I'd say that to you guys, Melissa and Mo, and you'd be like, yeah, I know it does. It really sucks. And I would get that validation and I'd be like, okay, I'm not alone. They see it too. It sucks. But like they're living their lives. I can move on from this. And I thought that that

SPEAKER_02:

was really helpful. Learn perspective. Like we said, you might already have the perspective, but it's nice to see other people have it. And for me, being around people with different disabilities has always given me the perspective where Kyle has said, I can't believe you do this triathlon with just arms. You don't get to kick on the swim. You don't get to pedal a bike. And I'm like, bro, I'm looking at you. You can't even see where you're going, man. You're just running full speed with a blindfold on. I'm like, no one would ever do that.

SPEAKER_00:

Derek does it sometimes. I do. 20, 20,

SPEAKER_02:

20

SPEAKER_01:

strides is my PR.

SPEAKER_02:

You know, seeing those perspectives like helps change mind to where I'm like, you know what, this sucks. Like this is frustrating, but like, at least I can see you while I do it. And that's not a put down to Kyle. It's just like, it reminds me like things could be different. not worse, but different in a hard way. There were, there were so, I appreciate what I do have. There

SPEAKER_03:

were, there were so many times where I was, you know, watching you guys, you know, mess around with your prosthetics or like, you know, having to change rubber on your, you know, glue new tires onto your, onto your wheelchairs and all that. I'm like, well, yeah, I, I can't run out. I can't run our bike outside all the time, but At least I don't have to deal with that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_01:

You mentioned perspective a minute ago, Howie, and I think one of the things that I'm forever changed in many ways of working with all of you, but my patience for myself and other fully able-bodied individuals is much, much less now. Much, much less of an athlete saying something's hard or they can't do something or just making excuses and I think that resiliency is something that we've lost. you know, to a large degree as a society and the coping mechanisms and being able to, okay, yeah, this, this sucks, but I'm still capable of doing it. I can still do it and let's get through it. And that's, that's been something that has actually gotten me in trouble from time to time because I lose that patience of like, no, you can absolutely do that. You're just, you're just choosing not to, or you're choosing to make another way. Yeah. Find, find a way. And, and, and that's, um, that's something that I really, really took from working with, uh, para sports, um, or coming out of working with para sports for sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

When I think that's an important thing is that like we have this misconception of there's a right way to do something. There's a way to do something. And then it's figuring out what is, what is the best way to do something. And then understanding that best is a finite point in time. And then, Recognizing, okay, now how can we do that one little thing a little bit better? How can we... Because one of the things that so many people say is like, always give your best effort on the last rep, the last piece of a workout. And something that you always told us, Derek, was give your best effort on the second to last one. And then that backed up to... on your third to last one. Or the first one. Or the first one. But it became this constant phrase of like, look, the hardest one is the second to last one because anyone can get through the last one. And it just became this refrain. And it became this thing that like, look, every workout is hard. No matter if it's an easy workout, it can still be hard. to get through something. Life is hard, life's not fair, never has been, never will be. So we all gotta figure out how to deal with it. And we helped each other with sharing different perspectives, through sharing stories, through laughing together, through helping each other understand that it's okay to laugh and to enjoy. And then knowing when it's appropriate to laugh and when it's time to pull back.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I think if you get nothing else out of this episode of the podcast that you just realize that, uh, you know, you should be able to look back on the journey and, and really have enjoyed it. And so hopefully you'll decide every day to surround yourself with people that lift you up and put you down in the way that keeps you humble, but keeps you getting medals. Good stuff. And how he's bad at biking and you're bad at war. That

SPEAKER_04:

was awesome. That was perfect. That was killer.

SPEAKER_03:

Thank you to our sponsors and partners, Dorada Training, Giddy Goat Coffee Roasters, and Tolsma Stockwell Prosthetics. If you'd like to support the show, please email theresidenttable at gmail.com. Also, don't forget to follow us on Instagram at theresidenttable.