Why Wasn't I In The Room? (Part 1)

In this deeply personal episode of So Random with Doc Anthony Bravo, Doc opens up about an unexpected feeling that surfaced while watching Eddie Murphy receive a Lifetime Achievement Award. Instead of simply celebrating one of his heroes, he found himself questioning his own journey and wondering why he wasn't successful enough to be in that room honoring someone who inspired him.

Doc explores the reality of imposter syndrome, the dangerous habit of comparing our behind-the-scenes struggles to other people's highlight reels, and how self-doubt can make even accomplished people feel like they don't belong. He also discusses a new creative project he's developing that personifies imposter syndrome as a living, breathing force that challenges us from within.

The conversation expands when special guest, Brandon Boruch joins the show, and they get into cyberbullying, online negativity, and dealing with "haters." Doc & Brandon share their opinions on why criticism from strangers can sometimes hurt more than we'd like to admit, how negativity often says more about the person spreading it than the person receiving it, and practical ways to rise above the noise without losing yourself in the process. Whether you're a filmmaker, artist, entrepreneur, or simply someone trying to pursue a dream, this episode is a reminder that your worth isn't determined by invitations, awards, followers, or the opinions of others.

A candid conversation about ambition, self-worth, resilience, and continuing to create even when the voice in your head, or the voices online, tell you otherwise.

Follow us on Instagram @TheRealDoC1sOfficial & @bbrandoactgr8

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:20

And now here's your host, Doc One.

SPEAKER_05 0:26

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to another episode of That's All Ring. I'm with your boy Doc One, aka Doc Anthony Bravo. And on this episode, it's called Why Wasn't I in the Room? For anybody who knows me knows that Eddie Murphy has always been the closest thing I have to an idol. You know, he set the bar for me when I was very young. I was a big fan of Delirious at a very young age, probably an age I shouldn't have been listening to, Delirious, but obviously you know me, my favorite color is red. Eddie Murphy came out in that red leather outfit, and I was just like, That's what I want to be like, that's the color I want to wear all the time. Today I have the orange and blue because my next are 2 and 0 in the finals when I've recorded this, so hopefully I can put it out today and it doesn't seem like old news. Now, today I want to talk about something that hit unexpectedly. I was watching Eddie Murphy receive a lifetime achievement award, and instead of enjoying the moment, I found myself feeling disappointed. Not in him, but more in me. And I know that sounds strange, but there's a reason to it. First off, Eddie Murphy absolutely deserves every award, every standing elevation, every tribute. He is one of the greatest entertainers of all time. He's a comedian, an actor, a singer, a cultural icon. There is nothing this man hasn't done. But while I was watching all these celebrities come up and honor him, a thought entered my head. Man, I wish I was successful and famous enough to be in that role. Not because I wanted the attention, not because I wanted people to clap for me. I wanted to be one of the people honoring someone who inspired me as much as Eddie Murphy did. And when I realized that wasn't my reality, I started feeling like a failure. And that's a feeling that nobody talks about. I think a lot of creative people experience this. We see award shows, festivals, red carpet events, industry events, and we don't necessarily want the trophy, we want the invitation. We want to feel like we made it far enough that our heroes know we exist. Imagine growing up watching Eddie Murphy movies, Eddie Murphy specials, Eddie Murphy shows, laughing at coming to America, Beverly Hills cop, nutty professor, trading places, then one day getting a call saying, Hey, we'd love for you to come say a few words about Eddie Murphy at his Lifetime Achievement Award. And that isn't about fame, that's about belonging. It's about feeling like all those years of work meant something. And when that doesn't happen on the timeline we imagine, it can hurt. Now, the problem with that is that our minds start making comparisons. We start looking at people who are where they wish to be, and instead of being inspired by them, we start using them as evidence against ourselves. They become proof that we are behind, proof that we're not good enough, proof that we somehow failed. But here's the reality sometimes someone else's success is not proof of your failure. Seeing people go up and honor Eddie Murphy on his lifetime achievement award and talk about how much he has inspired them in their lifetime, is where my comparison starts affecting me negatively. If I could only have the opportunity to be on that stage and let this man know face to face how much he inspired me and how much he set that bar for me to achieve, would be a goal of its own. Because I think when I look back on what I've done so far, you can see traces of Eddie Murphy in it, from the acting to the comedian part to the singing part, you know, doing music. Eddie Murphy was the foundation of why I even wanted to be in this industry. Not being successful by this point and being able to be at an award ceremony where they're honoring him for a lifetime achievement award is what makes me feel like, man, I missed it. I I had so many opportunities to get to that point and I missed it. And that's where the most dangerous comparison can happen. Only thing is that that comparison is only happening in my head, not in reality. The next topic is imposter syndrome when it enters the chat going on in your head. Sometimes it shows up. Imposter syndrome. That voice that says, even if you got invited, you wouldn't belong there. You haven't done enough, you're not successful enough, you're not talented enough. People would figure out you're just pretending. The crazy thing about imposter syndrome is that it doesn't disappear when you've achieved anything, it just moves the goalpost. When you're starting out, it says you'll never make a movie. Then you make a movie, then it says, Yeah, but it's not a real movie, then you win an award for it. Then it says, Yeah, but it wasn't an Oscar, it wasn't a golden globe. Then when you finally get to that point of being successful enough when you're being recognized, the voices of this imposter syndrome say, Yeah, but that's not real success. The finish line keeps moving. And if we're not careful, we can spend our whole lives chasing approval of something that really doesn't exist in reality. Now, because of this, I'm working on a project called The Other Me, but I kinda wanna call it another part of me, not just because to the song The Other Part of Me by Michael Jackson, but it really is just another part of me because I am my own worst enemy sometimes. What's funny is that while I was feeling all of this, I'm currently developing a project about imposter syndrome. The story explores what happens when the inner voice becomes something you can actually see, something that follows you, talks to you, challenges you, tries to convince you that you're not enough. Because that's what imposter syndrome feels like. It's not just self-doubt, it's a version of yourself standing in your way, a version of yourself that believes your accomplishments were accidents, a version of yourself that keeps telling you everyone else belongs except for you. The more I work on a project, the more I've realized it's not about defeating that voice. It's about recognizing it, understanding it, and choosing not to listen to it. Now, what I'm learning from all of this? I'm learning that success isn't about being invited to award shows, it's not about being invited to honor and applaud my favorite heroes, icons, actors, musicians, entertainers that came before me. Success is still being created even when nobody invites you to anything. Success is making the film, writing the script, recording the podcast, taking the meeting, showing up time and time and time again. Success is about continuing the work. The truth is, if I stop creating because I'm not where I want to be yet, then the imposter syndrome wins. And I'm not interested in letting it win. For anyone who feels behind, if you're listening, take my advice. If you're watching someone else's success and wondering what's wrong with you, if you ever felt like everybody else got the map to the road of success, but yet you're still lost, I want you to know you're not alone. The people we admire probably felt the exact same way at some point. The difference is they kept going. Not because they always believed in themselves, but because they kept moving even when they didn't. Now, if this show goes longer than like 20 minutes, I might just do a part two. Because I feel like there's a lot that we're gonna cover when he comes to join us at the studio.

SPEAKER_04 8:48

Alright, ladies and gentlemen. Our special guest has arrived. My good sir, the floor is yours.

SPEAKER_02 8:56

Thank you so much, Doc. And my name is Brandon Baruch. It is such a pleasure to be on the show, and I really do hope everybody's having a great time here in this great podcast. Um, I am from Chicago. I love to represent the city. I'm a big sports fan, I love all my movies and TV shows that I can never get enough of. And I just wanted to kind of share that because it's important to know that like even though you may have uh a background or a career choice, you d you always have something else that really defines you and sort of uh combines things and sort of gives you that perspective of that you do have to have a balanced lifestyle. So yeah. That's me in a nutshell. Uh thank you.

SPEAKER_05 9:41

Alright, so the next topic on that so random is bullying and like cyberbullying.

SPEAKER_03 9:48

Like, what's your take or what's your experience with that? No, absolutely. It's funny you bring that up because I just recently saw on Facebook uh with the OIF group that we usually uh attend, you got some online bullying, right? Directed at you, Doc. And uh I was shocked that it's the first time I've ever actually seen first that directly in the group, but also towards you. Uh you of all people who you do not deserve that. Um and so it really, it really kind of it kind of woke me up because I was like, wow, even the closest person that you think um you wouldn't get that. But I also think because you got that, you must be doing something, right? Because you got that attention.

SPEAKER_05 10:27

Yeah. What's funny is that like when I saw that, I kind of laughed at it because I'm like, damn, I'm catching strays for like no reason. He went purposely to my picture in a collage of different cast members for this film I was in. And he went directly to mine and decided to put a comment of I was enjoying the film until this guy showed up. I don't go on Facebook as often because I try to stay off of it because of negativity. I usually don't get that type of negativity, but I stayed off because of everything. Everything, people always talking about something negative and the world, the way it's going right now, there's a lot of negativity in the world. So I try to stay off of social media. But this particular day, I happened to go on and it popped up. Like it was the first thing that popped up. And I see my picture and I'm like, why is it a singular picture of me? Like I remember when they posted up this particular post into the group, it was a bunch of pictures. Why, like, why is my picture popping up by itself? And then when I look at the comments, I see this guy saying I was enjoying the film until this guy showed up. And I'm like, oh, I'm catching strays. I'm like, let me let me go see what's going on here. Like, this seems like an interesting little party. So I go on and I see this guy talking trash, and you know, big shout out to my friends who backed me up, Nick and Angela for sure, Kimberly, definitely Rain. You know, everybody jumped on there, like, yo, like, why are you talking trash about Doc? What has he done to you? Like, all he's trying to do is just go out there and give you a performance and entertain you, and you're trashing him. Now, after I did like some digging, he tried to throw shots at me saying that he's in every other movie. I'm like, bro, are you serious right now? I was in five. Three of which I was beginning to end. Two, I was in the like the last three minutes of, which was Don't Fear Shadows and Sunspire. I was like in the last three minutes of both of those. And this particular person was in two films beginning to end. Bro, if we're gonna talk talk about beginning to end, I only have one up on you. How are you gonna talk about me when you were in multiple films as well? And then obviously, what what shocked me, shocked me, I wasn't really disappointed. I guess it was just a matter of time when certain people would show their true colors. But a particular person jumped on and go, I want to enter this discussion and agree with what he said. And I'm like, you agree with what he said. I'm like, damn, I thought we were at least cool. I'm like, and I and I even told him this. I'm like, I'm like, I know that we're not remotely close to being best friends, but we've worked together. You're obviously on my personal Facebook as a friend. If that's the way you feel, why like why were you faking the phone? Like, why did you even add me on Facebook? You know what I'm saying? So I was more disappointed at that. This this other person, you're nothing. Like, I don't know who you are. Like, I almost had that Thanos moment when Scarlet Witch and Thanos are fighting, and she's like, You took everything from me. He's like, I don't even know who you are. That's what that's how I felt. I'm like, who is this guy? And then part of me felt like, yo, should I really become the savage that I am? And go in on him and like roast him and really be disrespectful. Or if that's the way you feel, I'm glad that's the way you felt. Because you know what? It's only gonna get better because I'm gonna be even more movies the next time you show up.

SPEAKER_03 13:39

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_05 13:39

You know, like now it's a goal. And ironically enough, that opened doors because you know how many messages I got right after that? Yeah, like, bro, I'm gonna put you on my movie just to spite him. Yeah, I'm like, that I'm down for it. Then, like, I don't give a damn. We're putting you in the film. I'm like, yo, I am down for it.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

You know, uh connecting it on sort of like a metaphorical level. Do you think that this was meant to happen because you were at a point in your life where it's like, man, I'm feeling like burnt out, kind of separate from the groups? But then this sort of negativity just got me right back in the loop of like, you know what? My inspiration, my connections with people just went back up because do you ever feel like that ever happens or it's like meant to happen this stuff on like a big level?

SPEAKER_05 14:25

Well, the way I the way I see it, during that moment, throughout the years, I've learned nobody talks trash about a nobody. That's a quote, but nobody talks about nobody. If you weren't doing something to catch people's attention, nobody would care. This person saw me in all these films and felt some type of way. Okay, then close your eyes, bro. Oh, and here's the thing I can say this because in my podcast, I don't give a damn. But like, I I I looked at his like Facebook, right? And then I'm looking at his pictures, and I realized he has a lazy eye. And I kind of wanted to roast him in that post and be like, yo, bro, you hated seeing me so bad. One of your eyes wanted to walk out of the theater while the other one stayed curious. But I'm like, I'm not gonna say that. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not gonna switch to that level. I'm gonna just shut up. But I wanted to roast him. I'm like, bro, you look like a defective unlit match, bro. I have so many things to say. And then, like, I looked at pictures prior to his latest picture, and he had like one of those crown bald heads where there's hair all over, like on the side of his head, but none on the top. And then obviously, with that lazy eye, was one eye watching how far back your hair went throughout the day, like, what's up? Like, but I'm like, nah, I'm not gonna do that. Because I'm like, I can roast. I can roast.

SPEAKER_03 15:46

I can feel the crown.

SPEAKER_05 15:48

And I was like, I'm not gonna do that. I'm like, why? Why would I do that? Why would I stoop to that level? Like, obviously, he wanted attention and he got the attention. I've said this before, and I'll say it again. He can bring that energy online, but I guarantee you, when he sees me in person, it won't be the same.

SPEAKER_03 16:04

But um and this, you said you brought up before that you've had this style of trash and hate online prior to this. And what made it worse was that it doubled up a little bit, especially with somebody that you thought was a fellow colleague.

SPEAKER_05 16:18

The other person.

SPEAKER_03 16:19

This other right, because you said it's not just you and this person, it's this other person that stepped in, which makes it a little bit worse, right? Because you weren't really torn. Yeah, obviously, you're not gonna why should anybody be torn by any trash online, but which is great, you have to have that resilience. But I'm saying, how did that happen prior? Like, how has it been building up to this point, and then how is it gonna get better, or how do you deal with it if it keeps coming up again and again?

SPEAKER_05 16:44

Well, like I said, nobody hates on somebody not doing anything. Obviously, mediocre people, people who aren't doing anything to get noticed, don't get noticed, they don't get spoken about. People who are doing something that other people might be envious of, they're gonna hate. I I celebrate people, I I hype people up. You know, I got some friends out in LA right now that just got funding for their feature film, and I shared that. I shared it and I commented, like, yo, congratulations to these, you know, to these dudes. I gave them love, I gave them props because I was in one of their like first films that they did when they were at full sale. So obviously, you know, when I see people go from where we're at and elevate to the next level, I'ma show love. I'm gonna give the flowers. So when I see hate like that, I'm like, bro, I wasn't gonna go on there and toot my own horn, but little do you know, I put people on. Matter of fact, the the lady who he was in her film, both of her films, I put her on. You know what I'm saying? I wanted to like smash him and talk about the film he was in. But because of my respect for her, because her and I had been friends for the longest time, I wasn't gonna do that. And I had a conversation with her about it, and she was like, you know what? I appreciate you not doing that because that would have really hurt coming from you. I know I wasn't gonna trash your film because I wanted to hurt him, because I knew if I was doing it to hurt him, it was gonna hurt you the most because that was your project. So that's why I just took the graceful way out. And I was like, you know what? Alright, cool. You're bothered by this? Well, be prepared because I'm gonna keep doing it. Like it doesn't happen much, but one of the first times it ever happened was back in the day when I worked at Disney and I was like trying to get my music out there, and this kid he just didn't like me. He worked with me. Yeah, he worked with me. And um he posted on my Facebook page and I took a screenshot of it. Oh, I keep all the haters, I keep all the haters just to motivate me. Interesting little pile of hate, hate, hate, hate industry, hate pile.

SPEAKER_03 18:41

Um he said, uh-huh. No, but I like the restraint. If I if while you're while you're looking, I I definitely want to take note that that is a part of that resilience and stepping up like a professional is to restrain all the blowback, all the roasting, all the you know what I mean, give me fire with fire, you know what I mean? I think that's a nice lesson to sort of like out.

SPEAKER_05 19:06

I, you know, and I also got congratulated on that by a few people. They're like, listen, you took the high road, you could have gone in and met him halfway, but you chose not to. There was no point in me trying to meet him halfway because then people are gonna be like, damn, he's a dick. Because yo, trust me, if I would have gone full savage mode, I probably would have said a lot of disrespectful things and really shown out, like you want to disrespect me? I got you, bro. Like, don't even worry about it. I got you.

SPEAKER_03 19:34

I I can I'm always curious. Did you ever did does it ever go personal one-to-one? Do you like go in your DMs and go at each other? Uh like, yo, right, like, yo, what's up? Like, what what's your deal?

SPEAKER_05 19:44

No, I don't got time for that. Like, that's that's a waste of energy. I my I I appreciate my energy. Oh, this is this is the comment. I'm gonna let you read it first. This his whole thing. Wow, yeah. So this person says, Your music is nothing but a joke, just like you. You can't rap for shit, and everybody knows it but you. Like I said, people can bring that energy online, but when they see me in person, trust me when I say the energy doesn't match. Yeah, because when I saw my work, he wanted to tell me, Oh, that was just a drunk rant. I'm sorry, I was online, I was upset. Yeah, okay. Next time you want to say something like that, you can say it to my face. And and that's the way I see everything, because there's also another person who told somebody for them not to be in my films because my films don't get taken seriously. And then one day called him out. Ever since then, he has not shown up to any events. And I've been waiting, I've been waiting because I I I want to see that energy. I want you to bring it to me because when I first met him, oh buddy, buddy, but then you're telling people, oh, don't be a part of his stuff because nobody takes his stuff seriously. Like, okay, like why like why are you fake, bro? Okay, if you want to assume my stuff isn't taken seriously or you don't like my films personally, that's cool. But I'd rather improve as a filmmaker than be a fake person like you, bro. Like, I can't I can't be fake with somebody. I can't pretend you and I are buddy buddy, and then behind your back, like, oh, I don't like this guy. Because it's like when people see me in public with you, they question my personality or who I am as a person. Like, wasn't he just talking trash about him? Look at him over there calling him my brother. Like, no. If I don't like you, you will know I don't like you because I will not associate with you, I will not come around you. But if I if I like you, if I love you, if I show love to you, it's because I respect you. I respect a person when they're honest with me. If a person would have been like you have to be honest with you, I don't like yourself, congratulations. Nobody's forcing you to watch or listen. But I appreciate you coming to me and telling me. Like that is dope.

SPEAKER_03 21:50

I think there are those gray lines and blurred lines where people sort of they say they're gonna be professional, they're gonna act all happy, you know, bro, bro. Or right, all oh, this is all a lovely relationship, and then they want the projects, they do the projects, but then they right go behind people's acts and go, God, I hate it that I did this project, don't do these projects, and yet still say, Oh, but we're still buddies, we're still great. However, I gotta say, people are definitely using right, wrong, good, bad in such manners that it like it is it's a judgment call all the way through that if it's gonna affect you personally and professionally, and even though there is no, oh, we're working for a corporation, oh, we're gonna have HR on our backs because of what we talk about to each other, it's it's still just like, yeah, you said an act like this in front of my face, but yet behind my back and the quality of work that you bring behind my back, you're like, no. Yeah, but yet you'll still want that work, and and and so, but I but but all the way through it all, even whatever these people say, and even people misquote people, and I love when people try to twist relationships, saying that, oh, my good friend, oh, but I heard he said he didn't like yourself, or you shouldn't be in this. And it's like, oh yeah, let's prove that. Let's talk about that. But overall, you've improved beyond belief. So I I just want to commend that. Is that you have excelled, and I gotta give you lots of credit for excelling in your process, in your work, not only as on a personal relationship level, but on your professionalship level, and I am very honored that you've actually let me even get more work than I ever imagined, and it's getting better and better and better, and that's why I can't wait to work with you on the next few projects we have. So I wanted to share that.

SPEAKER_05 23:29

And see, and I appreciate you saying that, yeah, and it's because of our relationship, our friendship, and the fact that people talk trash. I know people are always gonna say something. So the fact that you still stick around, even though it's out there, it's out there, you know, because I've heard it and you still go, I know what he brings to the table, and I'm gonna sit at that table with him, and you still come around. And this is why I was like, bro, I need to show my bro some love and write him his own script where it's him. And that's why when I when I said, Yo, give me give me an idea of what you want to do, and I'm gonna try to come up with something. And when you did, I was like already in right mode, and I'm like, betch, and I just real quick made it real simple, yeah, you know, two characters, made it done. What's cool is that there's a a store like on 50 that says New York deli on it. Oh, yeah, I like it. Yeah, so I I went in, I went in there and I spoke to the guy who owns it, and I'm like, hey, I want to do a scene here for a movie. I'm just an independent filmmaker. I can see it in his face, he just waiting for me to shut up so he can tell me no. And then he goes, You sure you're not lying to me? You're really a big, you know, film studio? And I'm like, No, no, no, look. And I I showed him like, look, I work at a theme park, bro. And he goes, Okay, let me know when and when we can happen. I'm like, bro, I'm gonna go home, get everything scheduled out. That's when I that's when I send you the message, like, hey, does this day work for you? Get the call sheet and send it to him, like, bro, here it is. Yeah, because he's gonna let us do a scene. And the way I'm envisioning it, because there's tables on the outside and there's tables on the inside of that place. If we do like a nice little static shot of just that and I get like the surrounding areas, can definitely make it look like a New York City street. Because right down the block from where we shot, that little area definitely looks like a neighborhood with in in like the part that I live in.

SPEAKER_03 25:20

Right.

SPEAKER_05 25:20

In the Bronx. But yeah, enough about the haters. We're gonna wrap up this topic, but before we go on, anything else you want to say?

SPEAKER_03 25:26

Yeah, I just really feel like the big lesson here, especially when you deal with cyberbullying, bullying, taking the high road, you know, finding that self-resilience and also self-protection, I feel like what you did is exactly what you have to do. I think there is that question of when you take it personal in uh DMs or do you talk face to face? Those are choices that I think everyone is gonna have to face. And I think what most importantly is a big lesson is that when people who try to defend those comments, that is not lighthearted, that is not, oh, I kind of understand, and I'm trying to take a middle ground of it. Because what that comment was was not about art, was not about an actor's process, it's just direct at you and saying, I don't like you. And how can anyone say, Oh, let's defend this? That's where I'm as you were trying to go into stories about oh, I've I've been there for people, I've defended people, I have spoken up for people, I will speak up for myself. Like I'm, you know what I mean? You cover the bases, great. But does everyone else understand that? And that's the big important message that I think everyone needs to understand. This is not something that is just a middle ground thing, a comment on a cyber thing. No, it is attacking somebody because they didn't like them, and it includes the fact that they're an actor, that they're this and this. And I also saw a little bit more of a political, you know, you know, I'm sorry, I'd say it's racist because you're one of the few artists here in this community who represents. I don't see a lot of artists like you, you know what I mean? And I mean that in a wholehearted, positive way. In that whole light, you know what I mean? And that was one of my first thoughts is like, why is this person attacking one of our few, you know, artists who are from you know a background that's so different than a lot of us around why? Why is he doing that? And it made me just think like this is America, you know, this is some this is some shit. But at the same time, you you have defended yourself. You have so many more people now on your support who are going to put you in things, who are gonna step up, who are taking that, you know, back for you. You know, and I just get to be one of those lucky people that just gets to be in person and gets to talk with you and say, I appreciate you, I love you, I appreciate everything you've done thus far, and you will always keep getting better because as much as you think you're best, there's always better. And that goes for anybody who wants to step up and in any field. So but yeah, just wanted to get it.

SPEAKER_05 27:55

And I appreciate you for that. I appreciate those words, and I appreciate everybody who stepped up in those Facebook discussions that had my back. Obviously, the person who said it didn't know me from a hole in the wall, so their comment really just rolled off my back. I'm like, I don't even know who you are, but okay, I'm gonna give you your little five seconds of attention. But no, I've come to the realization, and I said it earlier, that it's when you're doing something that people want to knock you down. They see you on the rise and they want to knock you down. I've learned that lesson throughout my my life, actually. Because of that situation, I always praise and give flowers to those trying, to those elevating to the next level. Even the small goals, I I congratulate them and shout them out. Like I said, we're not we're not gonna focus on the haters anymore, but I got some questions. We have some questions that will be answered on part two of this episode.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

Turn it down, let it flip. Crackle in the feet. One more glitch. Late night brains in the paper cup. Chaos on air, we're wound up. Okay, we're up in that real let it jump cut. Freestyle smoke in the hallway. That's so random.

SPEAKER_01 29:08

Let it all play, play, let it, let it, let it, let it, let it play. But now, now here's your host, Doc One.