Ṱhonifho: Honour in Parenting Relationships

Preacher: Bongani Habile

Text: Ephesians 6:1-4

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with the promise, that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. This is the word of the Lord.

SPEAKER_01 0:21

Yeah, Father, we we thank you. We thank you for this time, Lord, where we come to your word, Lord. Um, we're so thankful for your word, Lord, um, that speaks to our lives, speak into our hearts, uh Lord. And I pray even this morning as we consider what your word is saying, Lord, that you that you will speak to our lives, Lord, that we will leave this place not the same. And the listen of your word and the preaching of your word, Lord, would you would you change our lives? Would you move our hearts into obedience to you, Lord? We ask this in your grace, Lord. Uh, and I pray in Jesus' name. Amen. Alright, so yeah, once again, I think it's a privilege for me to be here this morning and and and to preach, uh, preach God's word. I'm really looking forward uh to us getting into this word. Uh, so I've been really following uh you as a church as you look into this wonderful, amazing book, uh, which is which is Ephesians. Uh, and we've seen that what Paul has been doing, chapter one, all the way to chapter five, Paul has really been expounding on the gospel. He has really been laying down these wonderful, these wonderful truths about about what Christ has done in us. Uh, not just saving us from from being dead from sin, but also part of Christ's uh Christ's salvation and and really forming us together as his people. And so what Paul is now doing, uh, at least he started in chapter five and see in chapter in chapter six as well, is that Paul looks at looks at how actually this gospel shapes our lives. Right? He he looks at how the gospel shapes how we do even ordinary relationships in our lives. Uh, we saw the other week we touched on marriage, right? How if we believed what Paul said about the gospel, this is how it should shape how husbands and wives do marriage. As they really paint a picture of the gospel itself. And so in this chapter, what Paul is doing, he puts these two relationships, uh, which is work and parenting. And Paul is going to show us how it looks like for these relationships to come under the lordship of Jesus Christ. How does it look like to do work and to parent or be under parents in a way that is shaped by the gospel, in the way that submits to the lordship of Jesus Christ. I mean, if you if you think about where most of your life is actually lived, uh, you know, most of life happens at at home and at work. I mean, this is where we spend most of our lives. We are either at work or at home. And I think these are the these are the spaces that that shape us. They are the places where where our character is formed, where where our hearts are really revealed, the way we relate to our parents or our children, the way we treat our colleagues, the way we respond to our employers, the way we carry the responsibilities of these particular spaces, the way we handle authority, these things deeply shape us. And I think over time they actually tell a story of what we truly believe. And I think that's why this passage matters so much. Because as I said, Paul takes this beautiful gospel and brings it into these ordinary, everyday relationships. He actually, Paul shows us that the gospel is not something that we just believe on a Sunday. It is something that actually reshapes our lives from Monday to Saturday. And I think being in a city like Rosebank, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that our faith belongs into certain boxes. That our faith belongs to uh a Sunday morning, like here with us right now. That our faith belongs to maybe a prayer before I eat. That our faith maybe belongs into what I do in the morning when I wake up, pray and reading God's word, and that's it. So the rest of life, family tensions, workplace, uh stress, difficult bosses, all those things feel like separate worlds. We live lives as if Jesus is the Lord only when I'm at church. But when it comes to the chaos of home and the pressure of work, it's all me and me. But what Paul is showing us in this chapter is that the gospel does not allow that division. He shows us that Jesus is not interested in just being part of your life, he's actually interested in being the Lord over it. The gospel is not a compartment, but it is a complete reordering of our lives under the loving rule of Christ. And I think when we when we live in light of that view, we begin to see the beauty of family, we begin to see the beauty of work as God designed these things to be. But as beautiful as these things are, we know the reality that they are also broken. When it comes to family, not everyone here hears the word home and feels warmth or love. For some, hearing the word home brings pain to us. Some of us, I mean, grew up in homes where authority was not exercised with love, but with control. Some of us grew up in homes where discipline crossed the line into anger or even abuse. Where words that should have built us up actually tear us down. Where we experienced constant criticism, harshness, neglect. Some grew up with parents who were absent physically or emotionally. There was favoritism, maybe at home, instability. And so even now, as you are parenting, you might be feeling the weight of not knowing how to do this well without examples, or you might be, as you are parenting, paralyzed by the fear of repeating the worst experiences that you went through. And then there's work. As I said, we know it's beautiful, but also it's broken. For some, maybe work, work is exhausting, it's frustrating. I mean, you wake up already tired, already dreading, dreading the day. Maybe your workplace is toxic. You know, those workplaces filled with gossip. There's pressure, there's unfair treatment. Maybe, maybe at your workplace you feel unseen, you feel undervalued, constantly anxious about making mistakes. And maybe some of us this morning are actually thinking, I can't keep doing this. You you are considering leaving your job. For others, yeah, maybe the struggle is not actually our workplaces. Maybe for some of us the struggle here is actually the lack of work. Maybe you you you're tired of looking for work. You you've sent out CV after CV, you've gone to interview after interview, nothing seems to open up. And the waiting can feel discouraging, can feel hopeless. So when we look at both family and work, we don't just see beauty, but we also see brokenness. We see how far things can drift from what they were meant to be. But what Paul is gonna speak into this morning in this text is actually gonna show us how it how it how it looks like for these two things to come under the lordship of Jesus Christ. He's gonna reshape how we actually relate to these things. How do we relate as children and parents? How do we relate as workers and those who are in authority? Paul is gonna call us to live in Gambela under the lordship of Jesus Christ, in the very places that shape us the most. So we're really gonna look at two points this morning. We're gonna look at family and the gospel, which Paul touches on verse 1 uh to verse 4. So he's looking at family there, and then from verse 5 to 9, we're then gonna look at the gospel, the gospel and work. And so the first relationship, uh, Paul looks at um is the one that concerns family. Uh and he really looks at these two spaces, family and work, looking at pairs. Yeah. So he's gonna speak to children at home, and then he's gonna speak to parents at home, and then when it comes to work, he's gonna speak to those who are employees, and then he's gonna speak to those who are employers. And he's gonna say, All of you, what does it look like for you to exist in the space, in that space that God has placed you, but really be under his under his lordship. So let's let's look at the first relationship that Paul speaks into here. He he starts by addressing uh children. In verse 1, he says, uh, children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long uh in the land. So I think it is important to remember also that as we read these verses, they are uh overflowing from what Paul had already said in terms of relationships with one another in chapter 5, verse 21. Paul already said this is what is expected of God's society, of God's people, that there may be mutual submission out of reverence with one another. So already Paul has said God's design in the gospel is that we will treat these relationships in this way. So Paul here is not just saying, but remember we are God's people, and this is how it looks like for us to exist with one another. So he says, children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Paul is saying here, for God's people, when it comes to family relations, parents have authority over their children. He says this is right, meaning this is righteous in the Lord. This is their Christian duty. Both children to obey their parents, but also for parents to exercise authority over their children. He says this is right. It is God's design. So then the way children ought to relate to their parents is not just about family order. This is not just tradition. You know, Sigo. Uhula. Paul is saying it's it's not just that order, that tradition, but this is God's design. This is how God, in families that are shaped by the gospel, this is how God wants parents and children to be. So it says, firstly, parents, you have authority over your children. This is not just another family order or tradition. This is right according to God. And we'll see, friends, here, the the whole in the Lord, this is right, this is really showing us this. It's all about how we relate to God Himself here. This means that if you are a parent in this room and you forego that authority that God has given you, you are actually disobeying God. And if our children undermine our authority as parents, they are not just undermining you as their parent, they are actually undermining God. They are disobeying God and the authority that God has given you. So this has nothing to do with family order or singularity. Yeah, Baga Habida, this is how we do things. But Paul is saying this is how God meant it to be. That umzali, you have authority over your children. And we're gonna talk about obviously our understanding of authority and what that means. But if you are a child, if you are under the care of your parents, Paul is saying your call is to obey them. And when you do that, you are actually obeying me. And I know we live in a culture where there are these two extremes, right? There's the extreme of, as I said, can statulo can't tell me anything. It's all about what I want my children to do. And I will touch on how that actually sometimes leads us as parents to actually forego the authority that God has given us in the way that we use our authority. But there's also this extreme in our culture. Uh uh I know I don't want to bash them or gentle parenting. Um, you know, where where where you know you give your children voice, let them be, let them be themselves. And I'm saying there's good in that, but sometimes again, it can lead our children to undermine the authority that God has given us. So this basically means those of us who are children or still under your parents' care here. When you disobey your parents, when you lie to your parents, when you treat them with disrespect, it's not just a family issue that needs a family meeting. Paul is saying it is actually connected to your relationship with God. That God has placed your parents in your life as a form of authority. And when we don't trust or obey them, we don't trust and we disobey God. So that's here. Parents, you have authority over your children. They are called to obey you. And then Paul actually follows this with the one that has promised in verse 2. He says, Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Right? Paul ties this with again what's in the Ten Commandments, reminding us that the obedience that the children ought to exercise. There's actually a promise. There's a promise there that it may go well with you, that you may live long in the land. In other words, there's a blessing. There's goodness, there's a there's a flourishing that comes when we learn to live under God-given authority in the right way. And we see that, right, friends, when when parents are disobeyed, when parents don't assume authority, we we've seen we've seen the the decay. We see the decay in our society. And Paul is saying, actually, if we live under this God-given authority in the right way, there's a promise here of even our families and our societies actually flourishing. But I think we need to we need to slow it down here because it's very interesting that Paul uses two words here, which I think are related, but they are not identical. In verse 1, he said, obey your parents. In verse 2, he says, honor your father and your mother. So I want to say this morning, I think obedience is specifically for children who are still under the direct authority of their parents. So if you are in this place, you are still under the household of your parents. You are still under their care. The call to you is to obey your parents. Obey them. But I think honor is something that I think can last even in a lifetime. Even as adults, even when we are no longer living at home or take daily instruction from our parents, we are still called to honor them. We are still called to treat our parents with dignity, with respect, with a posture that recognizes their place in our lives. And at times, honor might not mean agreement. Let me say that again. At times, honor might not mean agreement. I mean, many of us are in the city, we are navigating different things. Some of us are navigating our careers, our studies, big life decisions. And sometimes there can be tension between what our parents expect and what you sense God is calling you to. That first and foremost, your ultimate obedience is to God. Your ultimate obedience is to God. And so there's a moment where we can disagree with our parents by honoring God and obeying Him. Or think when it comes to marriage and the Malobola processes, where our families might want us to do things that we know that they dishonor God. And in those moments, the call for us is clear if you are a believer of Jesus Christ, that your ultimate obedience is to God, first and foremost. But I want to be clear again. Might not mean that we dishonor them. And I think we shouldn't dishonor them even in our posture. Even in our posture. It might mean that sometimes we as firm as we are to our families and our parents, that we're not gonna do that. But I think the way we do it should show patience, should show love, should show this dignity and respect. And so Paul is saying, parents, you have authority. You have authority over your children. Children are called to obey. That we are called to still honor our mothers and our fathers. So that's the first pair that Paul touches on here. He looks at the children. But here we see Paul doesn't only speak to children here, he also turns his focus to parents, especially fathers. In verse 4, he says, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And here, even culturally, I mean, it speaks to fathers, because fathers held the primary authority in their families. And so he says something that is, I think it's weighty. I mean, at least for me, when I read it as a father, that first line, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. I was like, Paul, ganja honey. Because every time I discipline my children, there's anger in those little hearts. They are upset with me. They are angry. So, Paul, that we shouldn't provoke anger in them. And so, Paul, here, what we see him do is actually cautioning us as parents about our use of authority. Remember the first verse he said, you have authority. But here he's actually cautioning you about that authority. He's gonna say, Yeah, it actually matters how you use your authority, it matters how you use it. Do not provoke them into anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. So there is a call here to discipline and instruct them. But also he says, how you do it matters. How you do it, ensure that it does not provoke your kids to anger. So, parents, it's clear. The way we use authority, one, we need to discipline and instruct our children. And really instructing and teaching our children there means our core here, our function as parents is that we teach our children the way of the Lord. We teach our children the will of the Lord. Parents, this says your kids can be taught at Sunday school the way of the Lord. Parents, this says your kids can be taught at school the way of the Lord. And I know some parents these days, Christian school. Yeah, where's the Christian school? Put them there. But Paul is clear here, fathers, parents might say, you are the ones who ought to discipline and instruct your children of the ways of the Lord. Right? This is our function. God is basically saying, we are the tools. We are the tools that God is using to demonstrate to our children what is the gospel, what is good of the Lord. Paul is basically saying, you are the ambassadors, representing God to your children. It's not your school, it's not Shagi City Church, it's you as a parent. I mean, I think it's helpful to think of ourselves as ambassadors. I mean, when you think about uh a role of an ambassador, okay, wherever they are, their duty and their function is to represent their country. All that they say, all that they do is for the good of their country. And I think God has put us in the lives of our children, if you are a parent in this place, to represent him. Your children, in a way, are learning what God is like through you. You are, in a sense, the training wheels for how your kids will understand God. And I think this is this is hard. This is hard because we we we are not perfect as parents. Or at times, what we really want from our kids is our own will, not God's will. I like how Paul Tripp says it. He says, Parenting is not first about what we want for our children or from our children, but about what God in grace has planned to do through us in our children. Again, this is very countercultural. Because if if if we were to admit as parents here, we we have a vision of what our kids must be. We have a vision. We have a vision of the kind of schools we want them to go to. We have a vision of the kind of jobs that they need to have. We have a vision of the kind of people they ought to marry. But sometimes that vision that we have, if we were to be honest with ourselves, sometimes it's not based on God's will. Sometimes it's based on our on our own will and what we what we want. And so the first part of that instruction there is Paul is saying, ensure, okay, and your kids are gonna learn from you how God is like. Understand and ensure that you teach them the will of the Lord. But he also warns against misusing that authority. Do not provoke them into anger. Anger and resentment. I think it's worth asking what's going on in our hearts. I think it's it's it's worth asking whether are we disciplining our children for their good or are we disciplining, really reacting for for our own relief? Paul here is really speaking out against you, you know those moments where you discipline out of frustration, where we discipline out of convenience rather than love. We correct harshly instead of wisely, we we discipline out of irritation. Not because we really want our children to know the will and the way of the Lord. But in those moments, we are so irritated with them. And we discipline out of that. We discipline out of that. And I think that leads to the misuse of the authority that God has given us. I mean, we some of us know this. Some of us grew up in homes where the parents really did abuse their authority, where their discipline was harsh, their discipline was unpredictable, their discipline was abusive. There were moments where a conversation with you could have been good, but you were shouted at. And it constantly resulted in resentment and anger. And so Paul is saying here: fathers, do not discipline in a way that causes that in your children. Do not discipline in that way. Yes, in your discipline, but be firm. But also remember your heavenly father who disciplines you. Still needs to be patience and love. So our role, Paul is saying, is not about controlling our children here. It's not about trying so hard to get our children to do whatever we want. But Paul is saying here, our role is really to prepare them to follow God. It's really to prepare them to follow God. And that means there might come a time where they will take decisions that we might not be happy about. But if those decisions actually honor, and those are decisions that are actually obeying God, should be we should not stand in the way. We should not stand in their way. I think it is a serious thing to use our authority to pull our children away from God. And Paul is saying here, be cautious of that. In the way that you use your authority as a parent here, do not pull your children away from following God. Do not pull them away. So for some of us who are maybe here still navigating that space where our relationship with our parents feels like it's strained or it's complicated. And I think the invitation here by Paul is really inviting us to wisdom here.