When the Spotlight Isn’t Enough: Angie Mizzell’s Journey to Self‑Discovery

In this episode of the Parenting Adult Children podcast, host James Moffitt welcomes guest Angie Mizzell, an author and former television journalist. They discuss Angie's journey from a successful career in TV journalism to becoming a storyteller and podcaster, emphasizing the importance of authenticity and personal growth. The conversation touches on parenting challenges, the need for self-care, and the evolving dynamics of parent-child relationships. Angie shares insights from her memoir, "Girl in the Spotlight," and the lessons learned from her own parenting experiences.

Keywords

Parenting, Adult Children, Authenticity, Personal Growth, Self-Care, Memoir, Storytelling, TV Journalism, Angie Mizzell, James Moffitt

Takeaways

• Authenticity is key to personal growth.
• Parenting requires constant adaptation.
• Self-care is essential for parents.
• Storytelling can inspire and connect people.
• External validation should not define self-worth.
• Parent-child relationships evolve over time.
• Leaving a career can lead to new opportunities.
• Personal experiences shape our parenting style.
• Listening is crucial in relationships.
• Safe spaces foster open conversations.

Title Options

• Navigating Parenthood with Angie Mizzell
• From TV Journalist to Storyteller
• The Journey of Authentic Parenting
• Balancing Career and Family Life
• Lessons from 'Girl in the Spotlight'
• Embracing Change and Growth
• The Power of Storytelling in Parenting
• Finding Your True Self
• Creating Safe Spaces for Dialogue
• The Evolving Parent-Child Dynamic

Sound bites

"Authenticity is key to growth." "Parenting requires adaptation." "Self-care is essential for parents." "Storytelling inspires and connects." "Validation shouldn't define self-worth." "Relationships evolve over time." "Leaving a career opens doors." "Experiences shape parenting style." "Listening is crucial in relationships." "Safe spaces foster open conversations."

Chapters

• 00:00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome
• 00:00:00 Angie's Career Transition
• 00:00:00 Parenting Challenges and Insights
• 00:00:01 The Role of Storytelling
• 00:00:01 Memoir and Personal Growth
• 00:00:01 Conclusion and Reflections

W

Richard Jones. I am an RN with over 34 years of Nursing Experience, much of that experience working with young adults in the corrections system. 

Hello, James here !

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Transcript

James Moffitt (00:01.336)
Hello and welcome to Parenting Adult Children podcast. My name is James Moffitt and I will be your host. Today we have a special guest, Angie Mazzell, who's joining with us. Hey Angie.

Angie Mizzell (00:11.421)
Hey there, James, how are you?

James Moffitt (00:13.288)
I'm great. It's a beautiful day out there. I walked outside to let the dogs out and it's like 74 degrees and no humidity and sun's out. And you know, after that rainstorm we had last night, I think everything just kind of refreshed itself. And so it's a gorgeous day, but thank. Yeah. Thanks for being here. introduce yourself to the listening audience, please.

Angie Mizzell (00:27.197)
Yes, yes, I love it when it's sunny.

Angie Mizzell (00:35.113)
So I am Angie Mazzell. I am an author. I am a mom of three. I am a relatively new podcaster. My background is television news. I'm a former television journalist turned blogger, inspirational speaker. All of this sort of stems from the work I do now comes from that decision.

as I was approaching 30 to leave this rising career in television news and that big decision and then the transformation that led up to that decision and afterwards sort of launched me on the path I am on today, which is just through storytelling, just trying to inspire people to live a life that feels authentic to them and let go of things that are maybe

keeping them afraid or stuck on a path that is sucking their life force out of them. So this has been an evolving journey for me, but it has been a nice little ride. And getting to meet people like you, you know, that's how we met.

James Moffitt (01:47.672)
How long? yeah, absolutely. Yes. I have been following you for quite some time now. I remember, Lord, I bet it's been a decade or two. I remember running into you at the Apple store in downtown Charleston. You were buying a Macbook and I was so excited for you. I was like, hey, she's getting an Apple.

Angie Mizzell (02:07.977)
So funny and if I, I'm not sure if that was the first or the second MacBook, but the second one was because my kids were small and I had put like a juice cup, a sippy cup in my laptop bag and it had spilled and it killed my laptop. So I do remember that. I just don't remember if it was laptop one or two.

James Moffitt (02:20.307)
no. no.

James Moffitt (02:29.526)
Right. Yeah. Katie and I were down there and I forget I was buying something. I don't know what it was. And, I think we've both been part of the Apple ecosystem, fanboys and fangirls for quite some time. But, yeah, I've been following you for a long time and I follow your newsletter and I listened to your podcast on, your episode, your video episode on, YouTube and, I'm, I'm very,

Angie Mizzell (02:37.951)
Mm-hmm.

Yes.

Angie Mizzell (02:53.951)
Mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (02:57.206)
inspired by and in awe of your I can I can see your TV journalism coming through on your YouTube channel. It's very professional and very polished and I I want to aspire to grow my talents to get somewhere near yours. It's gonna take a while. But anyway, YouTube is a YouTube is a different animal. And there's a there's a lot to it and I have

Angie Mizzell (03:17.729)
Thank you.

for sure.

James Moffitt (03:25.454)
I have yet to learn. My YouTube channel is just kind of like, just throw things and stick them on and see what sticks on the wall and I don't have a lot of organization to it.

Angie Mizzell (03:33.479)
Yeah.

I want to speak to that a little bit though because I feel like sometimes I'm almost fighting my journalistic training to be, I think it's important to be professional and have yourself together on some level, but I'm also trying to be relatable and real and to try to combine those when speaking out loud, when there's a camera.

And sometimes, you know, when I'm doing a podcast, I'm just talking into a green light in my laptop and trying to imagine people being there. you know, but the, I feel like storytelling, it sort of opens that door to helping us become more comfortable. And I really think that's a lot about it. Like, can we just become comfortable in being who we are and...

So anyway, I'm just saying with all of my training and I do value coming across professional, you also want to be authentic and real and trying to marry those two can be a challenge, honestly, for sure.

James Moffitt (04:44.77)
Yeah, there's a balance. And the thing about video podcasting is that, well, you you have a brand, I have a brand, we all have a brand of some sort, and we have to identify what brand we want to put forth, right? And then we have to build everything around it, right? And which you have done a wonderful job on YouTube, I have to say. And...

Angie Mizzell (04:57.663)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (05:06.687)
Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

James Moffitt (05:13.378)
you when you're talking about video, you have to have the right lighting. You have to write, have the right kind of, you have to have the technology foundation under you that will, will allow you to project a good image. Right. And, and I think, I think you've certainly done that very well. and yeah, being, being authentic, like I had to take, I took a test. part of the pod match podcast network. And one of the things you have to do is you have to take a test to,

Angie Mizzell (05:25.235)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (05:36.479)
Mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (05:41.452)
determine what kind of podcaster you are. so I'm a storyteller. I love telling stories and I have lots of stories. And so I love telling those stories. And I like drawing that story out of people, know, and helping them to dig a little deeper and asking probing questions. And, you know, I love talking to people because as you listen to their story, you you come up with questions. You're like, well, how did you come to that?

Angie Mizzell (05:43.815)
Hmm. Yes.

James Moffitt (06:10.218)
Assumption or how did you come to that conclusion or whatever? so so story telling storytelling is only is is only one of many types of podcasters, but I like telling stories, so

Angie Mizzell (06:12.991)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (06:22.365)
Yeah, that's something we have in common. And I love, much like you, helping people draw out their story. And I feel like something I do naturally is I can see the connecting points in their own story. Sometimes people are so close to their story. And I love being able to listen to people and sort of synthesize their story arc.

for myself. It's just, I think it is so fun and it is the thing that drives me. That is sort of the deep why, like the having the conversations with people because podcasting is tough. I mean, I know how to do the technical things, but it takes a lot of time, it takes a lot of effort. And so there has to be a deeper why. And I think I have rarely left a conversation that I didn't feel a little more energized and inspired.

you know, than when I started. So it's really good stuff that we get to do this and the barrier to entry. There is none anymore. You know, I had to go to college and we go to journalism school and go break through all these gates, you know, through the gatekeepers so that I could do this for a living. And now we can do it in our house. And I think it is so fun and we can do it the way we want to do it.

James Moffitt (07:19.235)
Right?

James Moffitt (07:27.298)
Right. Right.

James Moffitt (07:36.152)
Sure.

James Moffitt (07:40.908)
Right.

Angie Mizzell (07:44.445)
And it can be a hobby or a side gig or we can make it a job or where we have sponsors, but either way we're getting to do it and no one's saying that we can't. So I think it is really great, you know?

James Moffitt (07:56.078)
Yeah, I think the latest report that came out about independent podcasters, which is what we are, there's 400,000 active podcasts, if you can imagine.

Angie Mizzell (08:03.582)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (08:07.737)
Mm, yes, I can. It's a lot.

James Moffitt (08:09.966)
And, a lot of people are real hesitant into, cause you know, and I used to think this, I'm like, who wants to listen to my podcast? I'm just some 63 year old dude in Goose Creek, South Carolina. He's, he's gonna, he's going to be interested in me. Right. And, and, and there's so many podcasts and, so how do you get your name out there? You have all these questions and you have this voice in your head going, you're not good enough and you're not smart enough and you're not.

talented enough and you compare yourself to the professionals and go, lord, they've got 1.2 million followers. Why would one of those people even think about me? You know, and of course that's all, you know, negativity and, and, but there's millions of people on this planet. Right. And so for 400,000 podcasts, when you consider there's three million or three billion people or what's the, I don't know what the population of planet earth is, but it's quite a few people. Right.

Angie Mizzell (09:05.458)
Yeah.

James Moffitt (09:05.897)
And so, and so there's plenty to go around, right? The podcast, the podcast network is not over saturated at all. a matter of fact, it's growing. so anyway.

Angie Mizzell (09:11.199)
That's right.

Angie Mizzell (09:22.311)
Well, I'm glad you're doing it. And I think you're doing good work. And I think your voice and what you're bringing to this space is needed.

James Moffitt (09:24.832)
thank you. Yeah.

James Moffitt (09:35.49)
Well, Katie and I were both very passionate about children, about parenting and we have our story. You know, we've got, we raised four kids and I, at one point, I don't know, five or six years ago, I thought, boy, we're going to be empty nesters. And then my wife got two dogs and two cats. And so instead of worrying about our children, now I got to worry about what we're going to do with the dogs. If we want to go out of town or something, right here, here we going to get to watch the pets.

Angie Mizzell (10:03.455)
That's right.

James Moffitt (10:04.77)
But I'm passionate about parenting because of my childhood or the lack thereof and the challenges that I faced as a parent in the transition that I had to make to break the generational curse of the bad stuff my parents did to me and my sister and having to learn how to demonstrate love towards our children and learning how to not react like...

My dad did to me when they made stupid mistakes or said the wrong thing or you know what I'm talking about. I, I, uh, 2015 when Katie and I had two teenagers still living at home, was desperately trying to stay out of prison and, uh, they, uh, I my wife, I Katie, said, Hey, let's start a Facebook support group. And we'll see if there's anybody else dealing with this kind of stuff. And we started out with 10 members in 2015 and I think we're up to.

Angie Mizzell (10:38.121)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (10:49.244)
you

James Moffitt (11:01.294)
1.3 thousand now. So yeah. And so in May of 2023, I was like, I was really getting interested in podcasting. You know, the technology kind of attracted me and all of that. And, I felt like I had a, you know, some expertise or experience in, um, parenting, being a parent and, we're all subject matter experts, you know, no, no matter what our story is, we're a subject matter expert in parenting. And so I, uh,

Angie Mizzell (11:03.326)
Wow.

Angie Mizzell (11:13.203)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (11:23.54)
That's right.

Angie Mizzell (11:28.254)
That's right.

James Moffitt (11:31.766)
I launched the podcast and I said, Hey, let this list, let's, you know, I, I post all the podcasts, podcast episodes in the Facebook group. have no clue if any of people, anybody's even listening to them, but they're there if they want to. And I wanted, I wanted parents to have something to listen to. And I didn't realize until just recently that podcast, most people listen, listen to the podcast story. You know, they're driving around or taking their kids to soccer matches and you know, they're going grocery shopping or doing laundry.

Angie Mizzell (11:47.293)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (11:54.994)
All right.

James Moffitt (12:01.538)
They want to pay, they want to be able to put earbuds in and listen to the story. Right. And I, I didn't really get that until just recently, because all of my podcast episodes were going to Spotify and that's the, it translated into a video episode. And then I joined the pod match network and they were like, no, that's it's really all audio. If you have a, if you have a video that you upload to rumble or YouTube or wherever, then that's great. But most people are going to be listening to the audio. And I was like,

Angie Mizzell (12:03.697)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (12:14.931)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (12:29.992)
Bye.

James Moffitt (12:31.138)
So that kind of took a little bit of burden off of me and I was like, okay, cool. So it doesn't really matter. I mean, it does matter what I look like on camera, but you know, it's not that big of it. It's not like you're a TV journalist and everything's got to be perfect, right?

Angie Mizzell (12:33.821)
Yes.

Angie Mizzell (12:45.395)
Well, right. And we've talked about this before. I always listen to podcasts through podcast players with earbuds, usually while I'm driving or unloading the dishwasher or doing laundry, something where my mind is on something repetitive so I can focus on the podcast but also do what I'm doing. But having the video component to then put on YouTube and

cut the clips of the podcast episode and use for Instagram to promote, it's a very helpful thing. But I feel like with the video being secondary, it has definitely helped me relax and become more comfortable and let it evolve into what I what I imagined for my own podcast. So, you know, but people have different preferences, but I just had to look at, how do I listen to podcast? And, but my children,

James Moffitt (13:17.069)
Right.

Angie Mizzell (13:41.509)
listen to podcasts on YouTube. And I think they watch them. They watch them. they're, they're multitasking. They're watching and listening, but I know that I'm not doing that. And I think either my, of my audience is listening. So you just want to have a little something for everybody.

James Moffitt (14:00.354)
Sure. Absolutely. Well, kids love TikTok. Young adults love TikTok and they like scrolling their phones and watching these 30 second videos. Even if they last 30 seconds, I think some of them are shorter than that. And so they're just constantly scrolling and watching all these multitude of TikTok messages. And I'm like, I can't do that. I can watch video, but it needs to be longer than 30 seconds. you know, anyway, to each, each, to each their own.

Angie Mizzell (14:10.685)
Right, I know.

Angie Mizzell (14:15.981)
now.

Angie Mizzell (14:26.419)
That's right. That's right. There's something for everybody.

James Moffitt (14:29.206)
Yeah. So as you're talking about, talk about your book a little bit. Tell us about your book.

Angie Mizzell (14:36.497)
Okay, so my book, my memoir, Girl in the Spotlight, is a coming of age story that took me almost my entire first two decades of parenting to write. It was sparked, the idea to tell a book was sparked when I left my career in television news, that I knew that it had changed me in some way, on a fundamental way that I had viewed

success and my own self-worth and my need to be validated, you know, the outside praise and validation. And I just reached a crossroads in that career where it worked for a while. I loved it for a while, but I reached a place in my life where I'm like, this isn't working. I don't think this is what I want. And I can't see myself doing this 10 years from now. So I'll leave this career.

I did a lot of inner work to get to the place that I could leave. And then afterwards I had to do a lot of work to reinvent myself, but not in an outer way internally to really get connected with who I am as a person. So that book, Girl in the Spotlight is, it's almost like two stories in one. I'm telling the story of my rising career in television news.

and interwoven is the backstory, the childhood stuff, the things that happened in my past that created a sense of loss and longing, and also all of the reasons that I felt so compelled to pursue a career in the spotlight. And then untangling from that so that I could live a freer life.

And also in a way that I'm still using my gifts and talents. mean, clearly I'm a storyteller. There's an aspect to being in the spotlight that I enjoy, but I had lost sight of gifts and talents and this lights me up. And I just started making decisions because I felt like I should to like almost like this was living in this place where I literally trapped myself in my prison of my own making. And I

Angie Mizzell (16:59.827)
had to break free from that. the story starts the present day timeline, starts right when my journalism career is on the rise. It ends right before, after I've left my career and I make a decision that I'm ready to start my family. So the interesting thing is people who've been following my blog for a long time were like, well, there's this whole other story, this life after the book.

but I always saw the book is like, you guys have been following my life today. You know what my life today looks like having left that career. Now I'm gonna take you back in time and give you the prequel, if you will, of how I even got here. Where these perspectives that I have and the way I'm raising my kids and the way I'm just trying to be present in my life and live a life full of joy, it all came from the lessons in that book.

James Moffitt (17:29.101)
Right.

Angie Mizzell (17:58.015)
So, but it took a long time to write because I'm good at writing short form stories and little essays and blog posts, but to try to compile things into a story, I essentially, you know, I had to teach myself how to do that. I have a broadcast journalism degree. I do not have an MFA in creative writing. But I spent a lot of time learning and working on it and working on it and putting it away. And so my book came out last.

year? No, almost two years ago, October of 2023. And it is still very interesting to be on the other side of having written and published a book because for so long, I was on the I'm writing a book side of it. But I do say that that story and me learning how to write a book, I kind of raised that book as I was raising my family.

James Moffitt (18:30.37)
Right? Right?

James Moffitt (18:46.243)
Right?

Angie Mizzell (18:55.815)
I still have two younger kids at home, but my oldest was two, I believe, when I really started getting into it and trying to write it. And it was published his senior year of high school. So yeah, for sure, for sure.

James Moffitt (19:12.782)
Well,

A labor of love. Yeah. And so if you spent two decades writing your book and probably doing some research and thinking and rethinking and I've been writing on medium for, I don't know, 15 years now. And I love, I love to write because that's a way to, that's a way to tell stories. Right. And so, so I'll sit down and I'll think, well, I don't know what to say about this.

Angie Mizzell (19:33.385)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (19:39.679)
Mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (19:43.854)
2,000 words later of, you know, I've got six pages and I'm like, but that is, you know, that's, that's like half or three quarters of a chapter in a book. Right. So you have to, you really, I'm sure you went through a huge learning curve to, I guess what I'm trying to say is there's a difference between writing a blog post versus putting a book together, you know, cause you got chapters and all, all of that.

Angie Mizzell (19:45.907)
Mm-hmm. I know.

Angie Mizzell (19:54.27)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (20:10.815)
It is, think structure is an issue and it's a thing that will trip authors up trying to decide where the story truly begins and where it ends and then how to structure the book around its true beginning and its true end. as we know, well, in many ways life is linear. This happened, then this happened, then this happened. But you also know that if you're telling somebody a story,

Suddenly the context you're like wait, but let me tell you what happened a week ago that makes this part I'm telling you now make sense and I noticed when I started to write the story I kept running into wait, but I haven't told them about this thing and so it did take a long time and I I am certain that I made it harder than it needed to be But I also believe in the timing of things I do think

So it's two things. I think the book came out when it was supposed to and when it, when I was ready and it was ready. I also think that I stalled and I was frozen by fear and perfectionism and, then it was like my baby. was holding it close. I really liked playing around with the structure and sliding my note cards all around the dining room table. And I'm like, this is so fun, but it's like, but this is not getting the book into the hands of the reader. So.

James Moffitt (21:29.475)
Right?

Angie Mizzell (21:37.427)
I joke with my kids because they were like, well, is it going to take, I think really start to finish, it took about 15 years. They're like, is it going to take that long to write your next book? I'm like, maybe I'll cut it in half, you know? And sometimes I don't know. I have a lot of stories in me, a lot of things I want to tell. I don't know if there's another book. And if there is one, I'm certain I'm still living it. I'm still living the story. And so I haven't gotten to a place where anything that I'm currently living

feels like a complete, like it needs to be a book. There are other ways to tell it through podcasting and essays and things like that. But to have this story, was, I'm just, this book was something inside of me that had to be written and it had to be delivered to others. I always felt like I was writing it for the reader too, even though it's very much about me and my story.

James Moffitt (22:11.438)
Sure, absolutely.

James Moffitt (22:32.364)
Right. Well, I have always found it fascinating that you were in a very upward mobile career in TV journalism. And I'm sure back then, you know that there were people on the outside looking in going, man, I wish I had that. wish.

I would love to be a TV journalist and be in the spotlight and be in front of the cameras and have people watching me and recognize me when I'm at Publix or whatever. so I find it fascinating that you came to a point in your life where you were like, well, this is fun and exciting and I like doing it. But like you said, I don't see myself doing this in 10 years. Right.

Angie Mizzell (23:07.999)
Mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (23:22.708)
And it's like, I've been in IT for 30 years and you know, was in law enforcement and private security for a good 15 years before that. And so I, I don't want to say that I feel trapped in information technology. However, there are days I hate information technology. I hate in user support and I hate, you know, fighting with network issues and all that, all the junk that goes, that's involved with it. Right.

Angie Mizzell (23:40.425)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (23:50.207)
you

James Moffitt (23:50.668)
And there are days that, you know, I'll, I'll, I'll listen to your story or think about your story and go, why do I, why do I feel trapped? Right. And it's like, I think it's fascinating that you were able to break free from that and go do your own thing.

Angie Mizzell (23:56.179)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (24:00.063)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (24:07.163)
And it's interesting because you and I have swapped so many messages over the years that I also think about you too, because you have brought these questions to me. I realize now it just, I've never thought to say it this way, but arriving at that crossroads was very traumatic for me because I did not think that was going to happen. I was on a trajectory. I

was building a life. had a vision and for me to start feeling like something is off and then me trying to make it work anyway and just keep going. I was further and further trapping myself because I wasn't listening. And I have wondered, I have no regrets about any of that. think it led, it was a catalyst for inner work I needed to do. It was a catalyst for healing.

And I don't know, and I never will know what would have happened if I had reached a crossroads like that and had been a little more healed. Would it have been as traumatic? Could I have looked at the stress and the pressure that I was under? Could I have looked at it all through a different lens? But as it was, I just kept pushing and pushing to where my mental health, my physical health, my emotional health.

was at risk and I literally felt like if I stay on this path, I'm going to sacrifice everything else that is important to me. And what finally helped me break free was this realization that the things about the job that light you up, that you're good at, you don't have to leave those at the door, but you're just currently stepping away from, and at that moment of leaving,

It was the job itself. It was the station. was everything about that current set of circumstances that I was walking away from. But I also knew if I leave this job, I'm leaving. And it felt more like I was stepping into some sort of light. I'm stepping into freedom and I'm going to leave some things that were dragging me down behind, but I'm going to take the light with me.

Angie Mizzell (26:32.457)
But I take questions like that you would ask me and that to heart because I was raised by this single mom who she never said you must become a television journalist and prove your worth. But she was always pushing me to out of my comfort zone to see more for my life. And I had achieved so many things at such a young age. so was a complete, I was happy for a long time. I'm like, this is pretty sweet. This is a fun,

James Moffitt (26:44.492)
Right. Right.

Angie Mizzell (27:02.545)
stressful life, but I think as I started to get a little bit older, you know, your needs start to shift. I just started to change internally and maybe want more or something else and I didn't know how to reconcile that. So that's, it's sparked an unraveling, but I realize now how necessary it was for my own healing.

James Moffitt (27:28.12)
So talk about a little bit about external validation and how that drives you or drives us as adults, right?

Angie Mizzell (27:35.551)
Well, I say I really do think external validation is great. I mean, we want, I just gave a talk this past week when people nod their head and they like they are listening and what you're saying is resonating and they applaud and then they tell you that they enjoyed the talk or that it meant something to them. And then they go buy my book. I'm like, yes, that's external validation.

But it feels different now because the validation feels connected to things that I'm doing that matter to me. And you have to be connected to what you're doing and why. that because there are going to be days when nobody claps. There are going to be days when you're like, why am I doing this? And those days are hard. And I just feel like what had happened was

I was starting to grow and change, but that external validation, it really wasn't about being famous. It was about how when people approved of me, it created a feeling of belonging that I longed for so desperately. And I was starting to make, it's almost like I was going, I was still following a very good worthy need. We want connection and belonging.

James Moffitt (28:47.406)
Acceptance.

Angie Mizzell (29:02.515)
but I was losing sight of my why. so I think I have a different relationship with external validation now that it really can let you know the feedback is helpful, but you have to be standing on and within something stronger and deeper than that's the only measure. It can't be the only measure. So.

That's probably all I have to say about that is that it's a good thing until it's not a good thing, until it becomes everything, because that will wreck you.

James Moffitt (29:43.054)
I you know, when you ask people who they are, nine times out of ten, they're going to tell you what job they do. Well, I'm a TV journalist or I'm an IT specialist or I'm an attorney or I am whatever the label is, right? And honestly, that's just a small portion of your life. That's not really who you are. It's just part of who you are. so I'm sure you've had somebody

Angie Mizzell (29:58.921)
Mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (30:13.58)
do this to you before, but spend three minutes, give me your elevator speech and spend three minutes telling me who you are. Right. And all of sudden your brain's like, if you've never done, if you've never done that, you're on the spot and you're thinking, wow. Who am I? Right. And, so, so I think the older you get,

Angie Mizzell (30:28.105)
Right.

James Moffitt (30:35.628)
the more refined and more developed, your identity becomes. Right. and, that's one of the driving factors. you talk about the whys and that's one of the, one of the whys of why I do the podcast is because I want, I want, my listening audience, parents of children of all ages. I think the spectrum is somewhere between, you know, 12 and 40, right.

Angie Mizzell (30:40.703)
Yeah.

Angie Mizzell (31:00.831)
Mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (31:01.038)
Because it's ABC is a parenting adult children. So adult children is 18 to 26. Right. But there's, there's also, you know, parents out there that have teenagers that have 12 year olds, 13, 14, 15, 16, and on and on. And every, every age brings its own unique challenge. And so, so I want parents to receive hope. You know, I want them to, because they're in the

Angie Mizzell (31:06.537)
Mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (31:28.898)
They're in the midst of the battle. you know, they can't see the forest because of the trees and, and I want them to be able to back up and to, realize that parenting is important and parenting is a certainly a very vital role. Raising children is a very vital role of being a parent, but, we talk about self care where we talk about, Hey, you need to, you need to take care of yourself too. And it's not, it's not selfish to take care of yourself, you know,

Angie Mizzell (31:52.765)
Mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (31:58.21)
body, spirit, you know, your physical body and nutrition, your emotional, your spiritual psychology. You know, it's, it's important for, especially mothers. You know, I always say, I say this and I'm, I would imagine most men or fathers cringe at this, but I say that women, are the primary caregivers in the house. You know, they, they, especially when children are young as they

get a little bit older, maybe dads have a little more active role in, in parenting, but, moms need to know that it is okay to take care of yourself. It's, not selfish, you know? And so anyway, all of these, there's like 30 or 40 topics, you know, I sent you the list. There's a lot of topics, talk about, failure to launch. I had a psychologist tell me the other day, he says, I don't like failure to launch because it's so negative. He said, I, like to talk about it as being lost in place.

Angie Mizzell (32:36.383)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (32:40.084)
Yeah.

Angie Mizzell (32:54.227)
Hmm, okay.

James Moffitt (32:55.47)
Of brain went to lost in space and you know, danger will rob in something. Then I thought about it, thought lost in place. I said, I like that. That's a better term. It's not quite as negative sounding. And so anyway, there's all these, you know, boundaries and validation and all these many myriad of topics that you could talk about when you talk about the parenting story, because you have the...

Angie Mizzell (32:57.67)
Hahaha

James Moffitt (33:23.874)
You have the parents and the things that they're doing to try to raise a family. And then you have the kids who are on a completely different spectrum that are, they're learning how to grow up. They're learning how to think. They're learning how to become a young adults. They're learning how to identify, figure out who, what their identity is, you know? And so that's a very complex, you know, families are very complex and very complicated and, and, and, there's a lot of moving parts. And, and so my.

Angie Mizzell (33:42.239)
That's right.

James Moffitt (33:53.782)
my hope and desire is, that, that parents, as they listen to these podcasts episodes and they listen to these different stories, that they can find hope and they can find resources and they can find different perspectives. Right. And it, and that's one of the things I love about having, people on as guest speakers is that they broaden my perspective. They, they come from a different place, you know, have a different story. have a different experience. They have different,

Angie Mizzell (34:07.891)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (34:16.329)
Mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (34:23.69)
educational levels. have, you know, all of these things. So

Angie Mizzell (34:27.517)
Right. Well, and I was thinking earlier to something you said, I joke with my husband that I am the human resources manager of our family. And I feel like what I'm bringing to the table, I mean, a lot of things, but I care about my kids' mental, emotional well-being. And I also want them to thrive and succeed. And I have

standards for how I think they should behave and perform. And I'm constantly getting that, expectations, like checked up and checked within myself. You know, am I trying, because I believe in my heart that I'm trying to help them grow and become who they're supposed to grow and become, grow up and become. But sometimes I have to challenge that and go, am I really doing that? Or am I still trying to shape them into my own image?

I feel like because of what I went through though, I do have this awareness that I can stop myself when I feel myself doing that. know that, so as I told you earlier that my book ended with this realization that I was now ready to start a family. I brought into my parenting journey already a lot of, I'd done a lot of healing.

So then I thought, I'm gonna do so many things differently. And I do think there are things I've done differently, but I was immediately slapped with my own limitations. I didn't know I was going to be so tired. I didn't know that I would start to feel disconnected from myself and then that would, that I wouldn't be as present with them as I imagined I would be. So that was the first.

like almost like a next level of healing where you realize that the people who raised us, it's possible they didn't do a great job, but they probably did the best they could even if it wasn't the best because you start to see how we are so limited in what are these parents, what inner resources did our parents have? How mature were they really?

Angie Mizzell (36:52.297)
How healed were they? And it doesn't give people a pass for bad behavior, but when I started getting started butting up against my own limitations and work I still needed to do, I was like, I think I'm starting to see this is difficult work. And when I started blogging, I do feel like some of my main themes, I wish I could have seen it more clearly then, but

James Moffitt (37:09.371)
yeah.

Angie Mizzell (37:20.829)
They were what children teach us. So what raising them was teaching me and really just this art of being present to get in the moment. And actually I do think I spoke to those themes, but I wish I knew how strongly those were the main things. These kids are teaching me too. And the biggest thing I'm learning is to be in this moment with them.

And when they were younger, it was fun to write about them. They were funny. I was never... So it was always just pretty lighthearted. But as they get older, every parent realizes this, now we're going through stuff and I feel so alone. And we don't realize that other parents are going through it too. And there's an issue of our kids' privacy because now they're older.

James Moffitt (37:50.286)
That's good.

Angie Mizzell (38:17.853)
You don't know like how much of this behind the scenes struggle should I be talking about with anyone? And so we went through that also. And I think something that really broke ground in my relationship with my oldest as he was becoming a teenager and more independent. I just said, know, I've been your age.

James Moffitt (38:23.606)
Right? Right.

Angie Mizzell (38:46.823)
I know what that's like, but I've never been a parent of somebody your age. I am literally making judgment calls in real time. I'm trying to like go with my gut and I'm listening to you. I don't ever really know if I'm doing the right thing. So we are just learning as we go here. And I almost feel like that did something to him where he saw me as human and he saw that.

I was trying, it's like, I want you to have fun. I want you to be a teenager, but I also need to keep you safe. And I see a bigger picture that you don't see. And that was hard, but I feel like I have, there's a couple of things I've tried to do as a parent is when I mess up, I apologize. When I think they're being jerks, I tell them to knock it off because I have feelings too. And then I always try to make sure

that we have processed hard things when they happen. And I've almost learned that you can over talk. You can talk about something too much, but I think in just addressing what just happened is better than pretending like it didn't happen at all. So everybody's holding all of this stuff inside. And I can honestly tell you that sometimes I joke, but I'm not joking. like, I just have to give them to Jesus because you worry about them so much.

James Moffitt (40:11.222)
Right, right, right.

Angie Mizzell (40:12.753)
And as they are out of the house, you know, now my oldest is 18 and he's off in college. And I finally had to say there are going to be consequences now that I'm not, we're not going to able to save you from. Like, cause they have to be in charge of their own life. And then where is the balance of you can't wash your hands of them.

but you also have to let them live their life and experience natural consequences. And this starts before they're 18. This, I mean, this starts, you know, so that I don't, and you can see I have some insight, but I don't have the answers. I don't think I've done it all perfect. I do think in trying to keep communication open and just do my own work has helped. Cause I can tell.

now if something is just triggering something in me that maybe has nothing to do with them. So man, it is not for the faint of heart. I think it's the moral. That is the moral of this story I'm telling.

James Moffitt (41:20.428)
No, no.

parenting can be exhausting on so many levels, but one of the things that we've discovered or I've discovered and revisited multiple times is that we're all transitioning. Whether you're the parent or the child, we're all transitioning. it's like, it's like you said, our parents did the best they could with what they had. Were they perfect parents? No. Did they screw up? Yes.

Angie Mizzell (41:39.749)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (41:51.416)
Did they say, I'm sorry when they yelled or screamed at me from time to time? No, you know? And so yeah, it's, it's, we're human. make mistakes and, as we're transitioning, I think parents get stuck in a rut because they think they're so mentally geared towards, I'm here to protect you. I'm here to feed you. I'm here to clothe you. I'm here to put a roof over your head. I'm here. You know, all those things were constantly.

involved in those many tasks, right? And so we forget that just as your children are transitioning from one age to the next and one level to the next or one season to the next, we as adults are doing the same thing. We're growing older. Hopefully we're growing more wise, you know, and hopefully we're learning from our mistakes. And one of the things that I encourage people, parents to do

You're going to blow it. And when you, when you blow it, it's okay to say, I'm sorry. It's okay to say, you know, after the, after the, after the episode is over and everybody has cooler heads, you know, then you can come back together and go, Hey, I reacted like my dad used to react to me and that was wrong. You know, I reacted in anger, frustration, you know, whatever. And so, so it's, you know, I think it's important that we understand that we're all transitioning.

at the same time. And that's what makes that dynamic so complicated at times. Because while we as adults are healing from the emotional baggage that we brought into the parenting experience, you know, from our messed up childhoods, we're dealing with that at the same time that we're trying to deal with your stuff, right? And so that can be complicated and it's okay to go to therapy.

Angie Mizzell (43:43.487)
That's right.

James Moffitt (43:50.668)
You know, it's okay to ask for help. Like in the sixties and seventies, I don't think parents had the resources available to them that we have today at the, at our fingertips. Right. And so a lot of, parental or family turmoil, like my, my parents always told us kids, me and my sister, said, they said anything that whatever happens in the house stays in the house. You don't go outside those front doors and you don't talk to anybody about any of it.

Angie Mizzell (43:50.921)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (43:58.181)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (44:02.098)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (44:20.445)
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (44:21.046)
Right? And so, there was a lot of repressed anger, a lot of repressed frustration. And so today, we have a lot more resources and it's more acceptable for parents to reach out for help, right? And to seek a family therapist or, know, if you go to church, you know, a lot of them have pastoral counseling and you can get with a pastor or a family counselor.

Angie Mizzell (44:28.177)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (44:39.529)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (44:46.079)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (44:49.486)
within the church and they can, you can sit down and you can talk about these things and you, you as a family can go, you know, to a therapist and y'all can sit down together and talk about things and work things out. Right. And so there's nothing wrong with that. That's all part of self care and it's all part of raising a balanced, healthy, emotional relationship with your kids and for your, you know, it's like you said, you're.

Angie Mizzell (45:02.429)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (45:14.515)
Mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (45:17.39)
One of the transitions that adults or parents go through is that, is that once your, once your child becomes an adult, physically that's 18, 17, 18 years old, right? But we know that they're not, their frontal lobe is not really fully developed until they're about 26, right? They think they know everything. I thought I knew everything about everything when I was 20 years old and wow, I was a dumpster fire. And I realized I was just a little idiot running around on planet earth and

Angie Mizzell (45:28.351)
Mm-hmm.

You

Angie Mizzell (45:38.066)
of course.

you

James Moffitt (45:45.184)
It's by the grace of God. I'm even sitting here talking, right? Because I had no clue. I remember coming to the realization that my parents really understood what they were talking about and had a grasp on reality. I remember picking up a pay phone room pay phones where he had to a quarter in them. I remember standing at a gas station at a pay phone and putting a quarter in the phone and calling my parents phone number in Quinlan, Texas. And, basically eating a lot of humble pie and telling them, know what?

Angie Mizzell (45:48.895)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (46:01.105)
yeah. Yeah.

James Moffitt (46:15.244)
And I don't know how old I was. I was in my early twenties, you know, and I was like, you know, you're not an idiot after all, you know, some of the stuff you've been telling me is, wow, it's, it's, it's coming home. That's like, and, and, you know, when you're, when you're a young adult and you're, it's like you said, we, the parent child relationship turns into a support relationship and a mentorship. were, you're a mentor now, you know, and, and they've, they've

Angie Mizzell (46:18.259)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (46:21.981)
No.

Right? That's right.

James Moffitt (46:44.174)
you know, hopefully at 18 or 20 years old, they know what their identity is. They know who they are. They know they have their own dreams and aspirations. And, and so they're running full tilt ahead into life. Right. And life, life is a, a, a great teacher. If they don't get it at home, they'll get it out there on the streets because life will teach you some pretty harsh lessons. And, and what is, what is our hope and dream as parents? We want our kids to.

Angie Mizzell (46:58.975)
That's right.

Angie Mizzell (47:06.366)
That's right.

James Moffitt (47:14.346)
not have any harsh realities when they get out into the world. We want them to be well equipped and have the resources they need to have a harmonious, balanced life. We don't want them to experience the heartache or the harsh consequences that we experienced as we were learning.

Angie Mizzell (47:37.683)
That's right. And I think that in trying to save them from that or steer them away from that, sometimes we fall short because we either don't have the tools to communicate that in a way that's effective. And the truth is, even if you're communicating it fabulously, they're not going to listen when they think they know everything. But

I think that one of the things that happened after my son left for college is when he truly got to see that we are a safe place, that if he is in any kind of need, he can 100 % call on us, even as we're letting him be independent.

And then there's still a layer of accountability, but it's, I'm noticing that it's more effective when it's almost like a calm firmness that, so that we're not crossing the line of enabling any sort of bad behavior. But if they can't call us, if they can't come home, if they can't ask for help from their parents, you know, who can they call?

And so it is, we're always holding what seem like opposites in our hands at the same time, but they're really connected. Like we have to be a safe place. We have to see them. We, they cannot be afraid to call us because they know they'll get, and I told you so, even as you're thinking, I told you so, you're thinking it, but you realize you have to let them call and be humble and go, I,

James Moffitt (49:26.166)
Right, right.

Angie Mizzell (49:35.111)
really need your help. And then you help them, but you still hold them accountable to their own decisions in the future. And there's no handbook for that. But that is as I'm launching these children that I would keep in my house forever. I realized that what we're trying to create is a relationship that stands the test of time, even as they leave the house. Like we want

I want to be home for them, even as they leave home. And it's heartbreaking. I had a friend say, I don't want my kids to live in my house until they're 40, but I also want my kids to live in my house until they're 40. It's hard to let them go, but we have to, but we're still their parents. And that we'll be walking that tightrope forever. But you raised a great point that we're all in transition.

James Moffitt (50:10.754)
Right.

James Moffitt (50:29.71)
Sure.

Angie Mizzell (50:34.663)
So I have carried that with me too. It's like I'm getting older, my kids are getting older, and there will be a time where all of them are adults, but I'm still gonna be mom, but I'm not gonna be dictating the terms of their life and telling them what to do. But if they need help, I wanna be their first call. Yeah, so, you know.

James Moffitt (51:01.56)
Yeah, family should be a safe place. Home should be a safe place. It should be a sanctuary, right? And there's a particular psychologist that comes on my show and he, wow, this guy's sharp. He knows his stuff. I wish I'd have had his ear, you know, 30, 40 years ago. But anyway, he was talking about

Angie Mizzell (51:05.076)
Yeah.

Angie Mizzell (51:08.638)
Yeah.

Angie Mizzell (51:24.624)
wow, yeah.

James Moffitt (51:28.846)
how children have the need to empty themselves out. In other words, they have... and that reminded me of what my pastor, one of my pastors told me years ago about the psychology of need. I'm like, also pastor, what do you mean? Psychology of need. And so he was talking about... and I'm chasing a rabbit here. Don't let me go too far down the rabbit hole. But he said, said, psychology of need means that you have to meet people right where they're at. Right? If they're hungry, if they're...

unhoused, if they're hurting, they need to go to the doctor. People have all of these external needs, right? And if you just wave the Bible in their face and judge them for the sin in their life, but you're not meeting any of these external needs, then they can't hear you. They can't hear what you're saying. So the psychology of need is, like Paul said in the Bible, be all things to all people, right? And that basically means

Angie Mizzell (52:20.095)
That's right.

James Moffitt (52:28.364)
Be empathetic, be compassionate. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care, right? And so as I listened to this psychologist talk, he was talking about one of those needs is that children need to be heard. They need to be, they need the validation from their parents that, okay, I'm gonna shut up now and I'm gonna let you tell your story. I want you to tell me your story. Tell me what's going on.

Angie Mizzell (52:35.901)
Hmm.

Angie Mizzell (52:46.801)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (52:54.376)
Mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (52:57.288)
me about why you're frustrated, why you're angry, why you're hurting, what's happened and we need to be quiet and I'll give them the space to empty themselves out. And when he told me that I was like, wow, that's deep. Right? Cause he said, he said until they can, until they can reach the space where they feel validated by you and that they are safe in a safe place where they can talk about what's going on in their hearts.

Angie Mizzell (53:01.129)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (53:07.231)
Mmm.

Angie Mizzell (53:12.136)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (53:19.134)
Mm-hmm.

James Moffitt (53:25.462)
It doesn't matter what you say. can sit here, he'd be like a little chipmunk sitting in a tree limb, just yapping at them. Well, they're not listening to what you're saying because they've got all this stuff in themselves that they need to get out. Right. And that was, that was, that was very, telling for me and really revealing. And they, that's not just parent child relationships. That's husband and wife. Right. We can't be yapping at each other and not allowing the other person to.

Angie Mizzell (53:36.511)
Yeah.

Angie Mizzell (53:49.139)
Right?

James Moffitt (53:55.106)
be real and say, this is why did I do that? Because this is what's going on. This is what happened at work, or this is what happened on the ball field or, you know, whatever.

Angie Mizzell (54:03.487)
That's right. The listening and it's slightly, it's the same and slightly different with two adults because I feel like this is something my husband and I are still practicing, letting each other share how we feel without immediately jumping to either the defense or the explanation of like, the way you interpreted that wasn't right. It's hard to sit there when someone is telling you how it feels to be them in the relationship.

James Moffitt (54:32.312)
Right. Right.

Angie Mizzell (54:33.803)
so honestly, my husband and I will be married 25 years in June, and this is something we're still practicing. and then when it, with our kids, so my mom passed away last June. She was not, I mean, she had me when she was 18. but I always feel like one of my biggest issues with her is that it's, as you said, I didn't realize it until you put it in those words of the psychologist, but

I wasn't ever able to empty myself out because me emptying myself out would hurt her feelings. And then it became about how I hurt her feelings. And what I can see now as a 50 year old woman who has lost her mother is that I imagine it was painful for her to hear me say the things I was saying. And she probably felt like that's

a bunch of crap. That's not how it is. But I think if she had just listened and then validated feelings and then also helped me reframe the way I was seeing things, if she could then calmly say, I see that that's how it felt. This is where I was coming from and maybe

it didn't land, you know, if there were so many things, but she didn't have the resources or the tools internally to do that. So the expectations I had of her to deliver what I needed, I mean, I don't even know if they were realistic, but in hindsight, I see now that's really all that I needed was her to listen and not validate everything, but just help me feel heard. And I try to remember that.

especially now that my kids are getting older. I'm like, what did I need? And I still needed to be parented. I still needed her to rise up and be the adult and the authority, but I also needed to empty myself out. I'm so glad you gave me that language from the psychologist because that is really helpful. And it's definitely something I'm gonna remember as a takeaway from our conversation today.

Angie Mizzell (56:53.051)
with all of my relationships, even my husband. So thank you.

James Moffitt (56:56.462)
Yeah, absolutely. He's going to be on my show quite a few times. Dr. Marcus, I think is his name. So stay tuned to those specific episodes because this guy is phenomenal. Anyway, we need people like that, right? We need subject matter experts that can help put a light in front of us and guide us in the ways we need to go.

Angie Mizzell (57:06.75)
Mm-hmm.

Angie Mizzell (57:18.771)
Yes.

Angie Mizzell (57:24.893)
Yes, and more conversations in safe spaces where people can just listen and take what they need and leave what they don't.

James Moffitt (57:27.276)
Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

James Moffitt (57:33.55)
That's right. Angie, I've really enjoyed this conversation with you today. I'm glad that you were able to make the time with, I know you're busy and I appreciate you taking the time to talk to me and to, to my listening audience. I want to say thank you for the privilege of your time. Thank you for listening to this podcast episode. You can listen to this podcast episode on captivate.fm, Amazon music, iHeartRadio, Apple podcast and public radio.

I also upload the video version of this to rumble.com. That's a conservative alternative to YouTube. I have not been brave enough to put this on YouTube like Angie has done all her stuff, but maybe one day I'll graduate and figure out how to do that. Our website is parentingadultchildren.org, common spelling, parentingadultchildren.org. If you go there, the website will provide you with my contact information. You can send me a voicemail.

Click on my email link and send me an email and I'll respond. upcoming show schedule is in the blog. Just look for show schedule in the blog posts. And, there's a place at the top where you can click on a review button. You can re you know, if you hear a list to an episode, watch an episode that you like, leave a review. So other people will be interested to watch this podcast. if you're on Apple podcast, you can do the same thing while you're listening to the podcast, you can actually leave a review. I'd appreciate it if you do that.

I release new episodes every Friday morning at 8 a.m. And again, Angie, thank you for your time and to the listening audience. I hope that you have a blessed day and we'll talk to you later.

Angie Mizzell (59:12.361)
Thank you.