When Social Media Hijacks Your Relationship

A TikTok Live can feel harmless until your heart is racing and you’re carrying that stress into dinner, bedtime, or a simple text from your partner. We sit with that uncomfortable truth: what we consume online doesn’t stay online. Social media can shape our emotions, our expectations, and even our tolerance for normal relationship conflict, especially when the feed keeps serving content designed to provoke a reaction.

We talk about the curated performance of “perfect” social media couples and why it fuels comparison and dissatisfaction in real relationships. We also unpack the false intimacy that makes creators feel like trusted friends, even when they’re performing for the algorithm. From “if he wanted to, he would” soundbites to rapid-fire “leave him” advice from unqualified strangers, we dig into how viral relationship advice flattens nuance, skips context, and teaches people that love should never require effort or repair.

Then we get practical: how doomscrolling steals emotional energy, why online monitoring can breed mistrust, and what it looks like to set boundaries with TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and X. If you want relationship support, we argue for context, real assessment, and licensed help over internet verdicts. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs it, and leave a review with your biggest question about social media and relationships.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode for the love of facts. Today we will talk about social media. Khadija, take us away.

SPEAKER_01 1:07

Yeah, I mean, we've been gone for some time, and I'm happy we're back. And we are back to talk about something I have experienced. I was just scrolling on TikTok. And I just randomly, sometimes you have access to lives, and I was just watching it really. I'm not, I didn't even join. I'm just listening to, you know, you can eavesdrop and see what people are saying.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

You can creep on the episode without clicking on it. Yeah.

ow Feeds Shape Relationship Expectations

SPEAKER_01 1:33

Right. Without joining. And oh my goodness, it activated me so much. I'm talking about like my heart was racing. I think I had nightmares about what people were saying. Oh my goodness. I know. And I couldn't believe you can actually say stuff like that. And people are exposed to those types of content. And um, and it just got me thinking about how those emotional activation and emotional experience online, how do they translate into relationships, right? How often are we bringing our emotions from social media into our relationships without really realizing it? So I think some things we can talk about, and you can say more about it, is how is social media shaping expectations and relationships?

SPEAKER_00 2:26

It's almost like what we consume online does not stay online, right? It kind of you know gets like digested in your brain, and you you kind of are operating from that. You're almost like indirectly influenced by things. And so when we think about like social media, you see all of these like social media couples that are doing these things, or like these pranks that come sometimes, you know, across the boundary a little bit too far. Yeah, and so it really does kind of shape our expectations of what a relationship or what interactions look like, you know, and then you may unfortunately start comparing. So it's like, you know, my partner doesn't do this for me, or I wish my partner did that, right? Why don't we travel like these couples? But we we we really forget that people only post the best parts of their lives online, and so what we're seeing is like a curated performance or you know, kind of very intentional image of what they want people to see. And so while you know, this couple, the social media couple, is like creating their image, other people around them are becoming dissatisfied with their relationship or they have are setting unrealistic standards, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Yeah, and it's the sad and insidious part of about social media is it it masquerades as reality. Right. There is there is a I think a little bit of distance from TV and reality show, right? Like we've been seeing it. Yes, granted, they even those things without us knowing it, they do impact how we think and how we see the world, like you know, women's body image and all of that stuff, right? Which is super accessible and always constantly there, and also just really pretending to be real.

SPEAKER_00 4:29

That's a really good point, right? Because like in like social media, the people can respond to comments, right? Or even just how they present. It's like come spend a day with me here, and so it feels more personal. It's almost like sometimes you forget. I I see a lot of comments of people say, Oh, I feel like I'm on FaceTime with you, right? And so there's a lot there's a degree of like perceived closeness where it's like I'm gonna trust this person because they're like allowing me into their life, and they're not doing that intentionally, it's just like you said, it's it's further from TV because we know there's like a distance between us, but social media is a little bit more intimate, I would say.

nqualified Relationship Advice Goes Viral

SPEAKER_01 5:12

Yeah, yeah, it is more intimate, and the sad part is it still behaves, you know, with the algorithm rules and what gets attention, what gets people going. And I see these relationship advice that are so crazy in cringe.

SPEAKER_00 5:33

I mean, people saying, yeah, people who are not qualified, right, making statements or using their own example as like the only way to show up in a relationship, right? It's like there's not a lot of regulation around what people can share, unless you're in China, right? Like, you know that rule that came out of like you have to have some kind of formal education to be able to present what you're doing on social media. I was like, that is amazing. I would say everywhere, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:08

Yeah, because I also eavesdropped on this lady who gives relationship advice. Yeah, legit people come on, she's like, You need to leave him. You were here talking about this relationship last week, and I was like, What are you just advising people to get divorced? And you've only heard like and she gives people only 10 minutes. So I'm like, you've heard their problems for 10 minutes. Wow, and then you've come to the conclusion that they should get divorced.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

And what qualifications does she have? Like, even as licensed marriage and family therapists, we don't do that, ethically, not even allowed to make decisions about if people should be together or not. That's not our job.

SPEAKER_01 6:49

No, but yeah, they they do do that, so I'm just like, oh my goodness, yeah, the things you hear and see. I've heard of things like, oh, if he wanted to do this, he would have, um, or don't tolerate. Like, here are 10 things you should not tolerate in a relationship. Like, what you deserve better, right? You deserve better, or you should cut off people, right? Like, oh, that they need to go for your own peace. And you're like, you really don't know the context in that relationship, and you oversimplify relationship.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

And what whatever happened to conflict resolution? What happened to putting in effort in a relationship and trying to make it work, right? It's like you're taking away the substance of a relationship when all you're looking for is how is it benefiting me, right? And and taking the exit the second you have some kind of minor inconvenience.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

And I don't think the algorithm allows for a balanced advice or a balanced view, right? Like if you're looking for clicks, if you're looking for something to go explode and get you more views, it's not you're not gonna be sitting there talking about the nuances of relationships, right? Of like, oh, sometimes you go through hard times, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

Yeah, right.

SPEAKER_01 8:08

Like normalizing that.

SPEAKER_00 8:10

That shouldn't be expected, right? It's not just okay, it's going to happen.

ealousy, Monitoring, And Distrust Online

SPEAKER_01 8:14

Yeah, it's going to happen. That's just part of relationships. You get two people together, yeah, they're going to struggle and they're going to negotiate and come up with a way of doing that. And I don't think that there's, I don't maybe in a better world there will be room for that kind of content where people can engage in a positive manner. But right now, what I see social media doing is creating suspicion and insecurity in relationships. Um, really couples monitoring each other's behaviors online, right? Who are you following? Whose photos are you liking? Yeah, what are you commenting on who?

SPEAKER_00 8:58

100%. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

So those things.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

And we've had this conversation like early on when social media was out, like Facebook and MySpace, of like how is social media impacting like body image and you know, relationships in like adolescence, right? But the more prevalent social media has become, it's like not only is it impacting you internally, it's also impacting you relationally, right? And so it's like it's a lot more damaging if we're not intentional about how we're consuming social media.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Yeah, it can definitely create mistrust, right? And unnecessary conflicts or even emotional distance in relationships.

SPEAKER_00 9:39

If somebody's on social media all the time, instead of you know, like engaging with their partner, or they have to like create some kind of TikTok video for every interaction they have, it really takes away from like being in the moment with your partner, being present, right? Being attentive. And it and it unfortunately takes away that emotional engagement and you feel distance, you're no longer intimate with your partner. Like all of those things are impacted by attention. Are you paying attention to your partner?

SPEAKER_01 10:14

Yeah, and I think um people don't think about it. Like so social media came into our lives thinking like we're going to be more connected, yeah, uh, and have more intimate relationships. But what it did is that you spend all of this emotional energy online, right? And debating people, especially on TikTok and watching upsetting content and arguing with strangers. And when you come home, like you have nothing left, right? Just like you said, then you end up ignoring the important people in your life because you're just this thing has taken so much of your energy.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Um, yeah, so I don't know like doom scrolling, right? Where you're just on line for hours out of time, and and we're not here to just bash TikTok, right? But we're just saying it's the worst, though. It is the worst, it's the most platform where you can interact with people and just kind of it's never-ending, right? Where strangers, yeah, and so you can and watch their lives, lose a couple of hours of your day on TikTok.

SPEAKER_01 11:26

Yeah, yeah, you could. I mean, if other things, you know, Instagram, Facebook, those things exist, but they those things don't have that like live audience, right?

SPEAKER_00 11:37

Yeah, I mean, you can go on live on Instagram, but yeah, there's isn't like these like debates of like come debate with me, or you know, like they even have like oh like dating, right? Where it's like people show up and they have yeah, they have the speed dating, yeah. Speed dating. I'm like, what people host have an audience of all these people just watching, it's entertaining, right? It I don't know, it gets you views.

e Intentional With Your Accounts

SPEAKER_01 12:05

No, you think it's entertaining. I think people really need to be very intentional about yeah, why they have any accounts, right? Think about your Facebook account, think about your Instagram, your TikTok now, X Twitter. They think about why you are on here, and if you feel like it's just a waste of your time, get rid of it, really. Yeah, if if you're it's not doing something, um, not everybody is meant to be a content creator, in my opinion. Just get a job and be done with it. Because I mean, the advice I've seen on relationships is really teaching people that relationships are disposable, right? Like, oh, leave immediately. The message is always like, oh, here are 10 you know, red flags or this, this, it's always the extreme, there's no middle ground. Um, you know, as building in the assumption in people that they deserve perfect treatment, yeah, and that struggling in relationship is not okay. I've heard people say, I'm not here for struggle, love life. You know, I'm like, what does that even mean? Can we define right and so here's me? I was like, what are we defining as struggle? Yeah, first and foremost.

SPEAKER_00 13:24

Are you all struggling because you are learning how to communicate with each other, or are you struggling because you don't want to compromise, right? Like there's different reasons why people struggle, yeah.

hy “No Struggle Love” Is A Trap

SPEAKER_01 13:38

But in general, making it that like any conflict in a relationship, if it's not happy, then no, you need to be done with that. Ignoring the realities, like we said, of relationships, and really I think the question for us to kind of thinking about is social media making people more suspicious and less tolerant thoughts?

SPEAKER_00 14:05

Yeah, yeah, right. When when you're constantly getting messages of like you don't need to put in effort, you just need to land in a perfect relationship, right? It really takes away accountability, right? It takes away kind of the expectation of where's the effort, right? Where is the work that you need to put in to build and establish a relationship, right? Just starting a relationship is not the end, right? Once you get into a relationship, now you start building with this person, and so that is a lifelong effort. People grow together, right? Life happens, family dynamics change, all of those transitions. You have to be working together to navigate those things because life happens, and you can't expect to be in the same state all the time because that's not realistic, and it's and it's actually an unreasonable expectation. What do you think about that?

oundaries, Grain Of Salt, Get Help

SPEAKER_01 15:06

Yeah, I mean, I think everything you said is very, very important. And I, you know, I posed a question to you, and I would like to make an amendment. Is that yes, social media does impact our relationships, right? It it just does. And no matter who you are, how aware you think you are, even us, that's why I'm very intentional about how I engage with social media. Right. I have now I have I'm like, I check my TikTok once a month. I'm not doing scrolling. That's that's a boundary. I'm like, I'm an accomplishment for 30 minutes, you know, put on timer and check what people that I know have posted, and then I'm out of there. We just need to, the real question is whether we are aware of how it shapes our expectations, right? Our emotions and the way we treat the people closest to us. Um, really thinking about like how is this impacting me and how I show up for my family, for my loved ones, even for my children, right? And uh maybe next time we can talk about oh my goodness, what social media is doing to parents. Okay, there is also parenting advice online. I mean, there's every advice you can think of, it is there. And I think if you hear anything that has to do with relationships, yeah, I take it with a grain of salt, really. Just even from professionals, even from us, think it through and see how it applies to your life. Talk to the people around you, talk to your partner, really uh make everything about you. You know how doctors online say always go get advice from your own doctor.

SPEAKER_00 16:54

Yeah, yeah, this is not medical advice, right? It's the same thing as that. Like, if even if I'm a licensed professional, whatever I'm talking about, I don't know your particular situation. And so you can't take what I say and run with it, right? If you want actual relationship support, you want to see a professional licensed therapist that knows the context, that hears your story, that is able to assess safely, right? And then work with you. But to say, oh, a therapist said, you know, this online, and so it must be true, like that's not fair, right? So just using social media ethically, right, in a way that is safe and that way that is helpful and not harmful to you.

SPEAKER_01 17:38

Yeah, yeah. Go seek your own professional advice, friends. Um, thank you, and we will be back again.

SPEAKER_00 17:44

Yeah, thank you for a beautiful reflection. Bye.