28 I Decide How I Show Up, And You Can, Too

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve recorded—and that was intentional.

If you're learning how to live more intentionally and stop reacting in your daily life, this episode will help you begin that process.

In this episode, I’m sharing what I’ve been noticing about myself lately… specifically how learning the skill of intentionality has changed the way I show up in my everyday life.

From simple situations like going to the dentist, to navigating stress and recognizing when I’ve drifted into habits that don’t serve me—I’ve realized something powerful:

I don’t react to my life the way I used to.

I decide who I’m going to be before I get there.

In this episode, we talk about:

• what intentional living actually looks like in real life
• how to stop reacting and start choosing
• what to do when you drift (without panic or shame)
• and how to return to alignment in a grounded, sustainable way

This isn’t about perfection.

It’s about being aware enough to choose.

 Join us in my private Facebook group https://www.facebook.com/groups/willowbylisa

Schedule your 15 minute free Discovery Call at www.outsidethepulpit.blog.

Transcript

Lisa Meador 0:42

Welcome back to Outside the Pulpit. I want to tell you something. I'm really glad that you intentionally clicked on this episode today. You're going to hear a theme here. But in all seriousness, it's been a few weeks since I've recorded, and that really was intentional on my part. I did not want to just sit down and put something out for the sake of doing it. You know, I've worked really hard to be, you know, sincere and authentic with you all. And so I didn't want to just fake it and put something out there. I really do believe in sharing with you all things that have been proven in my life, things that can help you along the way in your journey. Maybe it will help you understand a situation or understand yourself better. And you know, something, you know, when you begin to understand yourself better and that whole layer of judgment comes off for yourself, you really begin to hear and understand other people better. And you know, it just helps the whole world go around a whole lot smoother, makes us better human beings in the end. And we're gonna be a human being until the day we die. So we've got to get it figured out. And maybe some of the things that I share with you will help you in your journey. But let me get back to where we're going today. Uh, I've really been sitting with what I've been learning, I've been noticing what's been happening in me. And really, I was waiting until it felt clear enough for me to share it with you. And what I've realized is this, you guys, I do not want to just do things anymore, just for the sake of doing. You know, the whole world seems like everybody's doing, doing, doing, but for what purpose? And that's where my shift has come. I want to be intentional. I really do. And that word, intentional, has really been standing out to me lately because I started noticing something. Intentionality is actually a skill that I've learned. I really didn't realize it, but I'm seeing the fruit of it, and it didn't come naturally. It wasn't something I just woke up doing one day. It's something that I've practiced and I've practiced it for quite a while now. And I'm seeing it show up in so many areas of my life. It really has really just surprised me as I step back and took stock of all of it. So, you know, for me, what it looks like is this before I walk into something, maybe it's a conversation, a gathering, an appointment, even something like going to the dentist. I pause. I pause and I ask myself, how do I want to show up here? And I have to think about it and I have to decide. Not how I usually show up and not what I feel like in the moment, which is the thing that usually does me in, right? I'm completely reactional in a situation, and then after the fact I have regret. I'm like, why did I say that? Why did I act like that? Then you're in a whole unhelpful loop. So by being intentional and thinking about it and preparing before I go into it, that's what I want to know, and that's what I am deciding because you know I say this, you have all the power, all the time, to create the life you love. You can do that, and it's I call it, it's an inside job. It's all within you. It's all how you're thinking, feeling, acting. You know, it all goes together, and you really can make a shift in your life and how you think, feel, and act, how you show up in situations, not faking it, stuffing down feelings and things like that, but being truly authentic, true to yourself. You can do it by being intentional. So you say, Who am I going to be in this situation? And we're gonna talk about some different scenarios here in a few minutes, but I want you to kind of think about that. You can be in charge of who you are in every situation, you can do that. So this is a simple process that I use. I think about the situation, I notice what I normally think and feel, right? And I let myself feel that honestly for a moment, and then I decide what do I want to think and how do I want to respond? So I'm really, as I was saying a minute ago, I'm not just walking in reactive, I'm walking in decided. And this lines up so clearly with scripture. Romans 12, 2 says, do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. You know, I use that scripture quite a bit. That renewal doesn't happen accidentally, it happens when we slow down, okay, become aware, and then we start choosing differently. Excuse me, 2 Corinthians 10 5 says, take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. So that's intentional living. So it's not passive, it's engaged. I'm gonna give you guys an example, you know, for better or for worse, you know, this is who I am. I'm just gonna share it with you. I have multitudes of other situations, but this one I thought might really bring it home in a different way. Okay, the dentist. Now, listen, I'm gonna be straight up, I do not like going to the dentist. And I definitely have had a mental block about it. Um, but this recent, you know, series of uh appointments I've had to go to, instead of walking in anxious and dreading it, I really did learn to set an intention. Look, did it still hurt? Yes, it did. So hear me. This is where what I teach is different than mind over matter, okay? I'm not trying to say you can think the pain away. I'm not saying that. This is what I'm saying. It's the anxiety. I'd be so worked up and having to, you know, calm myself and breathe and just dreading, like, oh, it's gonna hurt, and I can't do this. Okay. So this is how I handled it. I did. I literally sat down with my journal and I said to myself, I just wrote it out. I was like, look, I'm not going to die. I'm going to be uncomfortable. I'm going to have some pain, and I am able to tolerate pain for a short while. So I will be uncomfortable. I won't like it, but I'm not going to die. So, okay, that was my first extreme step. Look, y'all just hang with me. But that was my first extreme step. Okay, I'm not gonna die, and I am gonna be uncomfortable, period. So I settled that and I took it a little step further and I said, you know what? I am capable of being uncomfortable for a few hours. See, I started realizing and listening to my mind, to myself, to my spirit, like I can. I can be uncomfortable for a few hours. I'm capable of doing that. My confidence was building. And how I really went to the next step, I is I reminded myself, I'm already uncomfortable with the tooth issue I've got. It's already making me uncomfortable every single day. So by enduring a short period of purposeful, intentional discomfort, I'm creating long-term peace and ease. So I walk in grounded, not because the situation changed, but because I decided how I would meet it. Now, y'all talk to my dentist. She's gonna tell you she's gonna give me the maximum amount of Novocaine that she can give me. She gives me a stress ball to squeeze, and I take Tylenol before I go in. So yeah, that all is still happening. But the thing is, I am at peace. Do I get uncomfortable? Yes. Do I have pain and I don't like it? Yes. But what I keep telling myself in that moment is you are capable of enduring discomfort for intentionally for a short while to have long-term overall comfort and good health. So, you know, I just had to set my intention and quit focusing on the pain, but focusing on the result of what I was after. So the juice was worth the squeeze to use a phrase that people use sometimes. And I know you might get a chuckle out of that. So that maybe that's not your deal. That's fine. Hopefully, I'm communicating a concept to you. And I I can tell you another way that I've uh used this skill set. Um, it's it isn't something I do, you know, always just for big things, but I'm learning to apply this in how I live every day. And so when I know I'm maybe I'm going to be in a group setting or a one-on-one setting, and maybe I am uncomfortable with the individual or the group that I'm I'm going to. Maybe I've not had a what I felt was a positive or a helpful experience in the past. So instead of going into the meeting with my defensive hackles up, if you will, I sit with my journal and I go back to the last time I was in that situation when I was really uncomfortable. And you know what I do, y'all? I feel the anger, I feel the rejection, I feel the shame, I feel the hurt feelings. I sit with those feelings. And I'm just, and I tell myself, I can feel anything. I'm here alone with my journal. Nothing can harm me in this moment. So I can feel shame. I can feel the fear of rejection. I can feel the anger, but nobody else is around. It's just me, myself, and my journal. So I can let those emotions pulse through my body. You know, they're going to be gone in, you know, what, one or two minutes. And once they pass, it's over. And I can go to the Lord and just ask him to bring me that healing that I need from the past experiences. And then I ask him to give me that confidence to move forward into this, you know, situation that I'm getting ready to be into. And I set my intention and I decide who do I want to be when I'm in this situation? And I do play back maybe some of the things that were said to me in the past, and I'll say, okay, how would I react to that now? How do I want to be? And it makes me be in control, and I'm not reacting to things that are thrown at me. I am presenting myself and going into the situation intentionally, knowing that I can endure, I can be uncomfortable in the moment, but I don't have to react to that feeling of being uncomfortable because I set my intention. So I remind myself, even when someone says things that make me uncomfortable, I can feel uncomfortable. Being uncomfortable is not going to hurt me. I can feel uncomfortable for a short period of time because I am being so true to myself that when this circumstance is over, because eventually it will be over, I can look back at myself and say, I behaved in a manner that serves me well and moves me forward in my life. So maybe that helps you. I don't know, but that's how I do it. Okay. That is just another scenario that I put out there for showing up intentionally. And it's for myself. You know, yes, others may benefit as well, but look, my end goal here is helping myself on my own journey. And I'm tired of putting my head on the pillow at night or driving home from somewhere and replaying a whole conversation and beating myself up for it. And why did I say this or why didn't I say that? And how come they said this? And boy, that makes me feel bad. So man, I've lived that loop long enough. I'm ready to change the narrative. And I have, I have, and you can too. You can change that narrative, that loop that just goes over in your mind over and over again. So that's another scenario. So I've given you my dentist, I've given you my social conversations, if you will. I'm gonna give you one more, you know, because I have I've shared a lot with you guys. So I'm I am gonna go a step further today because I'm really trying to hit several different levels because I have a wide audience. So I'm I'm trying to put different things out there that could apply to a broad range of people. And I will tell you something that's a true story, you guys. Over the last few weeks, this thing has gotten really real for me, and that's I discovered this in a new way. Oh, it's been a lot of stress in the Metter household. We got a lot of things going on. I mean, stress that I've not felt before and stress in different areas. This was also something else. So it was a new area of stress, one I wasn't used to managing or navigating. Um, I'm not just one area, I'll be honest with you. It was several. But anyway, look here. This is something that I noticed. So I have briefly mentioned, you know, that uh I've had a successful weight loss journey. I have not still reached my goal yet, that is to come, but um, you know, this mindset work is what really helped me in that journey. And I've made it really clear to you guys this is not a weight loss podcast. I simply use this as another area to share with you the tools that I've learned. So here it is. So I noticed something over the last several weeks. I started using food to comfort myself again. I was surprised, and I was like, oh Lord, I thought those habits were dead. But here's the key. It wasn't mindless. See, I knew I was doing it, and y'all better get ready because you know I hope you're not sitting in your judgment chair because uh and gonna judge me for it, but you know what? I chose it. I absolutely chose to comfort myself with food, and I allowed it and I did not judge myself for it. You know why? Because it was intentional. I saw myself reaching for well, this particular one, I'll use ice cream because you know I do love me some ice cream, and I reached for it and I said, Lord, I know I am not hungry right now, but I really do want to sit and eat this ice cream, and I'm going to allow it. And that's what I went to the Lord with. I said, Jesus, I do wish I could just let your spirit fix it all right in this moment. But you know what? I need a little something else, and I feel like I do, so I'm gonna choose this ice cream right now, and I did. But the key in all of this is it was not mindless. I was intentional. I know y'all are shocked. You're like, Lisa, how can you choose something you know that's not going to move you forward on your weight loss journey or your health journey? Well, because I am living life every day just like you are. I get circumstances that come and go. And as I mentioned before, this was a new level of stress, new areas of stress. I had not yet come up with coping mechanisms for those areas. So, you know, I've lived long enough, I've practiced these skills long enough to know I can do this and it'll be all right. You know what surprised me the most in all of that was I didn't panic. I didn't grab that ice cream and go, oh my gosh, I'm going off the rails, I'm out of control. No, I didn't. I was in control and I was choosing to eat something that I knew was probably going to not make me feel good in a little while. I was choosing something that was probably going to put me over more than a recommended calorie target, if you will, for moving me forward in weight loss. All these things, I knew that, but I didn't panic because I said, Jesus, this is what I need today. And this is the tool and the mechanism I'm going to use today. Because I recognized something. It was a season. This is just a season. And as I began to gain that strength and wisdom to uh manage the different types of stress, the levels of stress that were coming in, I was like, I have enough confidence in myself that I am going to have my feet right back on the ground. I just need a little buffer right now. Hey, I've done a whole episode on buffering, so you know, go back and listen to it. And that's what I was doing. I wasn't wanting to feel the pressure. I wasn't wanting to feel the fear. I did not want to sit with those feelings. You guys, I told you I'm I'm so much like you all. I'm not, you know, I'm not teaching you something I don't live first. And I wasn't prepared in those moments to face these new challenges. I knew in time I would. And you guys, I have. I have. It was just a season. Last year, when I was losing all that weight, I had more space in my life. I had a greater capacity, um, and more focus, less stress. I mean, and that made it easier for me, if you will, to uh really be tuned into my body because I told you guys it was really I wasn't counting calories, I was tracking but not counting, and there's a difference. I was eating intuitively, strictly listening to what my body needed and wanted. That season was different than this season. And instead of pretending that it shouldn't be different, I just acknowledged it and I made a decision. For right now, this is how I'm coping, but not forever. So, you know, this is what I'm learning. And I want to share with you. We have so many seasons in life. There's gonna be less stress, more stress, different stress. We got to learn how to live every day. That's my goal. That's what I want to share with you is we gotta find that way to live every day. But you know, in that moment when I was comforting myself with food, I did set a limit for myself. And I will say that, y'all go back and listen to my guardrails episode, okay? There's times and seasons you need guardrails. And I put one in place, a safety net. I was like, okay, I knew when I would reach a point that I would stop and come back. And you know, it was a number on the scale for one thing. And if it if I noticed I was making myself incredibly uncomfortable when I ate, then I was then I was like, no, you're fixing to tip over. You you don't want to do that. So I put boundaries in place for myself. You got to figure out your own boundaries, okay? I'm simply giving you an example. And this way I wasn't out of control. I was still intentional, and this is what really stood out to me. I keep saying it. I was still being intentional, even when I wasn't making the best choice. Isn't that beautiful? I was still taking care of myself, I was still watching over myself, even when I wasn't making the best choice. And this is what made me think of Galatians 5 25. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Keeping in step doesn't mean you never drift, it means you never drive drift. Notice you adjust, and when you can, you step back in. This is a pattern in life. Life's not going to be perfect, easy, simple all the time. It's just not. We've got to learn to navigate it. And there's going to be times you drift, but that's okay. Be intentional. Just say, all right, Jesus, get me back in step. And He will. He'll absolutely do it. Eventually, that's it, is exactly what happened to me. And there came that point when I realized this really isn't serving me anymore. This behavior really isn't serving me anymore. And it's not from shame and it wasn't from fear. It was just awareness. I was like, I'm getting increasingly uncomfortable in my body. I don't like the way food feels in my body. I'm not comfortable right now. I'm not resting like I want to. All of those things that I had gained over the last year from eating intentionally, bringing back that brain-body connection, all of those things that I had gained, they were slipping. And I was like, no, no, I can be uncomfortable for a while because just in my like my dentist example, for I have a long-term goal of being comfortable in my brain-body connection. So I returned and I added some structure back in, some guardrails, not to control myself, but just to clear the noise out of my head so I could hear myself again. And I just started listening again. And I think this is where we often get it wrong. We think it's all or nothing. You know, it's perfect or failing, on track or completely off. But you know, life really isn't like that. Life has seasons. And there will be stress, there'll be distractions, there will be moments where we don't choose our best. But Proverbs 4, 25 through 26 says, let your eyes look straight ahead. Give careful thought to the path for your feet. So that's intentional living, not perfect living. Not perfect living because who defines what's perfect anyway? You know, you got to think about that. What I'm actually seeing is this that intentionality isn't about always making the best choice. Or, you know, who determines best? Yep, I'm always gonna put things like that out there, but always making the best choice. It's about being aware enough to notice, you know, just notice what's going on in your life, choosing how you want to show up. You can do that, and then returning if you drift away from that. That's all right. This is just part of living, and then you come back. So, where am I right now? I'm still in a season that has stress, but I'm not responding the same way anymore, and I think that's growth. Not that life is perfect, but then I'm not showing up accidentally anymore. I'm choosing, and I'm learning that I can decide who I'm going to be, uh, even when life doesn't feel ideal. So, you know, I'm not showing up perfectly, and I'm not showing up by accident anymore either. You know, both things can be true at the same time. You don't need to put that kind of pressure on yourself, okay? Just allow yourself to show up and be intentional about it. And don't show up by accident anymore, but start thinking about how you can show up intentionally in your life, not perfectly that someone has set a standard for, or you've even set a standard within yourself, but be intentional and decide this is how I want to show up in every situation, in every area of my life. So I hope you guys have gotten something out of this today. Choose who you are before you get there. You can do that. Until next time.