Gary's Stories: Vietnam Mandela Effect ca. 1971

Cigars

• Red Meat Lovers by Dunbarton & Trust (Tina)
• JFR, Titan (Gary) 
• Aganorsa Leaf, Aganorsa Leaf Lonnie

Stories: 

• Gary recounts one of his Vietnam stories. He believes the attack on the abandoned French resort was 1971 but some sources say 1968-1969
• Gary talks corrects and speaks about 3 crashes instead of 4. Either way, no crashes is our hope for civilians. 
• HKTeams
• Chicago Bears moving? Say it is not so…:-(

This episode was recorded at Churchills in Scottsdale, AZ in June 2026. 

Transcript

0:08

I hear that All right, so welcome to the next edition of Sticks and Stories. Actually, this is Gary one of Gary's episodes, so we're, gonna get into it. Gary, we have Gary here. Hi. We also have Lonnie part-time. Lonnie's trying to find a cigar 'cause he was trying to smoke a cigarette on a cigar podcast. I was like, "Get that shit outta here." This is my ship. Get that shit outta here. Get it outta here. Get it outta here. What's up, Gary? I'm sorry. Fucking children. I, I hate 'em. We love you too, Gary. All right, we're gonna start this out now. First of all, a definition. Okay. Difference between a war story and a fairy tale. Fairy tales start out once upon a time. Okay. War stories always start out, "This is no bullshit." Or, what had happened was So- No, that's a, a cheating excuse. That's- That's, that's a- Or, or that could be a hood story. That's how you start off with a Tiger story. Oh. "Well, what had happened was..." We'll get into that later. This is about Gary today. So the war story. It's the summer of '71. I'm on an ash and trash mission. I'm picking up a goddamn Naval I think he's a lieutenant, but I don't remember. Hey, Gary, can we start where you are in the world? I'm at the damn Churchills. Well, no, for the war story, for this flashback. Vietnam. It's the only war we had. Oh, okay. All right. Well, for our audience. Oh, the audience. They should know, but yeah. Yeah. I was following along just fine. That's it. Yeah, 'cause you're in Gary's head. Oh. He'd be screaming if he was in there. He'd be screaming. You got a customer. So anyway, yeah, we're in Da Nang, Vietnam. Mm-hmm. So I go to Riv Beach to pick up this, uh, Navy guy. Yeah. And, uh, wanna know what the mission is. Says we're gonna go blow up a French resort. Oh, yeah, you were t- talking You alluded- Yeah to this during one of the other podcasts. So- Okay we take off, we go out, find the resort, and, and there's a ship in the bay. Okay. Fucking battleship. Okay. It's got nine guns, 16-inch. Who's, uh, who's, who's these guys? It's our- These are our guys? Fucking Navy. Navy. Our guys. Yeah. The Vietnamese didn't have much of a navy. They're, they didn't bring it down anyway, as far as I know. The, uh Anyway, there's a protocol. This is an artillery spotter I picked up- We identify the target, they shoot a rou- one round- Yeah for range and azimuth, you know, so they know they're gonna hit the target. And then they're gonna fire for effect, which means they're gonna salvo the guns. Well, I turn around and get the hell out of the area, and the Navy guy goes, "Where the hell are you going?" I said, I said, "Well, the, the, uh- Sorry that's a nice one. Oh, Lonnie has his raggedy-ass cigar that he didn't properly keep moist. Well, give it to me. I'll smoke it in my pipe. So anyway. You gotta keep them Boveda bags in there. Okay, so we're in Vietnam. Anyway, they shoot, and I watch the projectiles go through the air. These are 2,000-pound rounds. Damn. And you can see them, and it'll bliver... You know, it just blows this fucking resort all- How big was the resort? Was it, like, on an island tip or something like that? No, no, it's, it's up in the mountains northwest of Da Nang. Okay. They're not really mountains. They're really tall hills next to the ocean. They look like mountains. Yeah. Anyway, blows it all away. And I told this war story to a, a kid in here. Well, I actually told Nick, 'cause he's big on battleships. Well, come to find out, he looks up the battleship New Jersey, which is what this guy told me he was firing, and this is 1971. Well, the battleship New Jersey was only in Vietnam in '68 and '69. Mm-hmm. Which- Kinda stumped me because I know, I remember. I took the fucking guy back. We landed on a barge. I'd never landed on a barge before. I remember looking at the ship. I know the damn French resort blew up all to hell. And now I'm wondering, all right, so... Oh, and, and, and if you, if you Google battleship New Jersey, it'll tell you what I just said. Yeah. So am I full of shit? Lon, Lonnie's gonna Google Did it not happen? Yeah. Yeah, Google it. But no, I feel like I remember looking up this story. I didn't verify any years, but I remember when we talked about it with, uh, Carlos on that podcast a little bit. Um, and I looked it up. I remember seeing the story, but I didn't, uh, take a note to the years because I wasn't, we weren't talking about years. Well, I, I didn't remember. So Lonnie, what did you find? Did you look it up? Well, I found this, um, museum and me- memorial. It's a museum ship in Camden, New Jersey that preserves the USS New Jersey BB-62. I don't really know how to read those, but it's an Iowa class battleship known as the most decorated battleship in US Navy history, having had served in World War II, Korea, Vietnam, and the Persian Gulf. Gary is not lying. Well, yeah, but- He was talking about the years if you read, if you read further down there, it'll tell you when it was in Vietnam, and it'll say '68 to '69, and I was there in '71. Yeah. Well, you know, the- So it's either an alternative universe, I've lost my fucking mind- So I don't, I don't- The records have been changed. Who the fuck knows? The, I think it's the records have been changed- I doubt it 'cause that happens... Well, no, that happens a lot. A lot of history has been rewritten, like, everywhere, so. Well, it makes me wonder Like, we're losing the historians, so the historians are you. You are the historian at this point 'cause you- It does say it was, you know, on station in Vietnam from, uh, 1968 to 1969. You said you were there in '71. '71. '71, yeah. Yeah. Unless it was a phantom ship. Yeah. But I think, I think the historians are not, accurate in some cases. They're not... And it's, you know, it, you... I guess you fill in the blanks if you don't really have a p- person there to verify anything. I wouldn't know how you'd verify it now anyway. I don't either. Yeah, they could do carbon dating maybe. I don't know. But... What do you mean carbon dating? Carbon dating. You... Carbon dating. Take a sample and figure out when the fuck, you know. Well, I guess- A sample of what? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe the shrap metal from the explosion, if there's any left. There's probably nothing left. It's probably rebuilt a- on top of by now. I'm s- Do you know what's there right now? Nope, no clue. Lonnie, do you know what's there right now? What... Do you remember- Where? In Vietnam? the name of the resort? No. The F- the French resort. Never knew, never knew. French resort. I don't even know if they have any claims back there. It was just a target. What's where? I remember. I remember. Um, so they blew up the French resort in Vietnam. Oh. A, a French resort. A French resort. And by then you said all the f- uh, people from France were gone. Was any- Oh, they were there a long time ago. They weren't even there. It was, it was a... It wasn't a, a, a, uh, an active resort. It was just the VC were using it to watch airplanes take off out of Da Nang. Oh, it was like a watch point or lookout spot. Yeah. Okay. And I don't think the Navy had anything else to do that day. I tried to get them to go up Que Son River, but it wasn't deep enough. Wait a minute. What- 'Cause I mean- Was this a- shit they could shoot. So- Army artillery so Gary, Gary, was this a side quest? A what? A side quest. It's like when you do something that is not part of the process that you're there for. So say, for instance, you're going to the grocery store and on the way you start to pick roses, and you're like, "Oh, these is pretty roses in this, in this field. I'm gonna just do that." So was bombing that particular site part of the plan, or it was a side quest? No, that was the plan. Oh, okay. That was the plan. Well, you said they didn't have anything better to do that day. I thought- And, and the Navy, the Marines had already left, so they didn't have anybody, any other Oh, that's funny. Any, uh, any other pilots or helicopters around, I don't know why the New Jersey needed me, and I don't even know why... I don't even know how I got picked. Just happened to work out. So were- And the guy told me it was the New Jersey. So- And I believed him were they, um, so what were you, uh, flying that day? A Loach. The Loach, yeah. A Loach six. So you were, um, so did, did anyone fire from your Loach? Nah, we didn't shoot nothing. Fuck, what are we gonna Wait, so do you think somebody told you that it was gonna be the New Jersey just to trick you into going on that mission? No, no, this guy was from the battleship New Jersey. Got it. It wasn't like they tell you what you're gonna do that day. He said, "Hey, go pick this fucker up and do what he wants." That's basically what I did. And he used to call, uh, you know, Army artillery. Pick up a guy from the fire base and go out, and there it is. But the difference between the Army and the Navy, that battleship, was the fucking Army couldn't hit anything. You had to get the hell out of the road. Yeah. In the Navy they could hit what they were shooting at. And I remember thinking that damn thing's solid. I remember a big-ass smoke ring. Oh, wow. I remember the ship backing fucking up, and the, the barrels don't move- Yeah 'cause they're gyro controlled. Yeah. It was just neater than shit. I wanted to go blow some other stuff up, but, uh, they couldn't go up the river. So I dropped this guy back off on a barge somewheres. You know, it's just north of Red Beach. Yeah. And, uh, but now I gotta question everything I'm thinking because supposedly this ship wasn't there. Yeah, we... Twilight Zone episode. And maybe I'm just losing my mind, but I quit drinking like, what, five or six years ago. Five, five, five minutes ago. Well, yeah, I got, I got some memory juice here I'm drinking. Oh my God. Do you guys have, Laphroaig Oak Select here? Oak Select? We have Laphroaig, but I don't know if it's Oak Select. Oh, Oak Select is delicious. What, what, what, what's, uh, what's Laphroaig? It's a scotch. Never heard of it. Yeah, Nick comes in all the time and orders... That's where I got it from, is Nick I used to, I used to drink a lot of fucking scotch. He doesn't order that all the time from me. He always gets Hennessy with me. Oh, well, like one time, well- 'Cause he's in the closet. Well, the... What's in the bag? Oh, it's a, a cake. You can have some. It's like a- Nah, I don't want cake. I got a whole fucking cake at home I'm not eating. Oh. Oh, well, it's like a coffee cake. So I got it to have with my coffee, which I drank all my coffee now. I need to have more coffee. Um, so- Is there a bartender here? Barkeep. Garçon. Garçon. Garçon. Mm. Did you guys go to, Blue Martini last night? Blue Martini? No, I never- Blue Agave. Oh, no, no, I wasn't there. Oh, thought about going. We stayed at, somewhere really late, Livia and I, another place that I know you don't want us to talk about on the podcast 'cause you don't like when we- What place was that? Trevor's probably. No, Cedar. Oh. We were at Cedar. Oh, Cedar Lounge? Yeah. That's kind of boring, isn't it? Well, it can't be more boring than this place, but- Yeah, it was, it was, it's typically- I'll talk about my ship typically boring on Sundays. I'm just, uh, reminiscing. But I pull it off. Well, you think you do. So let's talk about the cigars that we're smoking. I am smoking a Meat Lovers by, Dunbarton and Trust. Wheat Lovers? Meat Lovers. Meat Lovers. Meat Lovers. Yeah, red meat lovers. What's in there, a little hamburger in it? Maybe they squeezed the juice, the red. I like those actually. It's good. Those are really good. They got like a real savory flavor to them for some reason. Savory, huh? But they have a lot of, what's that called? Like, resin- Oh, yeah after a while. Like, it gets, like, a lot of resin at the tip. Oh. That's why I stopped, 'cause I was really starting to- That's crazy love the Meat Lovers, but yeah. Like, after a while it gets, like, a whole lot of resin at the end. It was, like, getting on my teeth and shit. Ew. I was like, "Nah." That's why I smoke all my fucking butts of the cigar. But that one that like, I'm, I think you'll see. Like, it gets real resiny- Ugh at the end. Don't tell me that. Like, gets on your lips and stuff. Don't tell me that, ugh. What are you smoking, Gary? Uh. Same thing. What I always fucking with. Teehee. What does this say? It says- J-F-R J-F-R. Titan. Titan. It's got gold around it. Not real gold. What? That's not real? Maybe I could save all these. I've been collecting those. What, um, how many- It's not real how many do you... You guys have a lot in there, the JFRs? Of those? Yeah. Hell yeah. They never have any. They're all Gary's. Well, no, not that- Yes, we do like, just JFR in general. I'm always up at- There are always a lot of JFRs yeah, there's a lot of JFR in there and I have to bitch and moan. Um, I'll be- Man, I be going up there all the time. They just be up there. There's, things are always up. Yeah, there's a lot of shit. Do I look like I can fucking climb a ladder? Yeah. That's why you come get me, and then I go get it. Oh. Here's Johnny. Here's Lonnie. Yeah, Lonnie. Lonnie, what are you smoking? It's called a Aganorsa Leaf. Fucking signature, signature Aganorsa Leaf. It's a Corona. Yeah, I like- It's pretty good I like Aganorsa. I like the, um, that orange, that orange label one that came out, I think, last year. I might have that. It's really good. Hey, now. So- I still haven't had that new My, My Father, either. Which one? It's, like, some new one. I think it's got, like, a red wrap around it or something like that. Oh, Latil? Latil? Yeah. Yeah, I hate that one, by the way. I tried it. It's not, it's not, uh- You hate a lot of things, including me. Ugh, hate is a strong word to use for people, but I do not hate you, Lonnie, or else you would not be sitting there on that mic. But you, but you never tell me you love me, either. Neither do I. But your love is implied. Oh, my God. You're in trouble. You're in deep shit. Um. Yeah, as soon as she finds the button. There was a button. You should have put the laughing sounds Crickets. We got crickets? I'm telling you, we need some of our catchphrases on these, or like some of the clips of some of the shit that we say, like, "Straight to the bathroom." Oh my goodness. That's gotta be a button. What, what's the cigars make you go to the... So I've interviewed quite a- Ah, that's bullshit quite a... I know, but, um, I've interviewed quite a few people across the valley, and they do concur that it does send you straight to the bathroom. Ah, that's bullshit. It is not. It is not. Or maybe it's just for children it happens to. Your belly just used to it, Gary. Ah. It's like hot, this is like spicy food. He's just used to it. He's like, "That's not the way that it gets me with the cigars." He said, "What's wrong? Y'all don't like spicy cigars?" Oh. Spicy cigars. So, um, so Gary, what else happened that day? Was that... How, how long was that mission? It sounded, like, really quick. Like, you guys- It was quick you guys went and dropped the load and came back, straight to the bathroom. But you went and dropped the load. You went and dropped the- We're, we're not, we're not talking much more than an hour of flying time. That was ridiculous. Damn, that's crazy. And how much, how much- How much was that? How much real estate? How much? Uh, all right. So you got Da Nang, you got Da Nang Bay just north of it. Battleship's there. The French resort's up on a hill just northwest of Da Nang. Yeah. I mean, it only shoots 18 miles or so, so you know- Yeah we're not talking that far. Yeah. And you identify the target. The guy does a... ah, fuck, I forget what they call it, but the first round just, just to make sure everything's going the right direction. Yeah. And boop, they blow it all away. Fucking amazing. Just incredible. Did you guys film it? You know what? If it- We didn't have cameras. Shit. Hey, stall 'em out, Deebo. Wait, wait a minute. Wait- How you gonna ask me when you got cameras wait a minute. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Can you look it up and see when, when, when film, like, was created? Okay, film was created, like, in the damn- We're talking 1971 '30s, okay? But you, you, they didn't used to have, like- So it was, it was, it was available but they didn't just have, like, portable, like, like, on your phone- We didn't take a- like, just pop, pop it out whenever Not the, not the phone I'm sure that shit took, like, a bunch of setup it could, it could have been, like, the, the Navy ship could have filmed it. We didn't, we didn't... Well. I get what you're saying, Gary. I'd say shit flying, you know. Eh. That would've been awesome. I mean, and then you would've, people would've known the year, 'cause it would've been dated on there. They're on a mission. I was there, 1971. You need a motherfucker over here cranking this camera. Yeah, that would've been fun. Yeah. They're on a mission. They ain't worried about recording that shit. Just, just like King Kong, King Kong movie. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yep. Yep, I concur. Just like the King Kong movie. Same thing. With Jack Black. That movie was crazy. That movie was crazy. Oh, my God. I actually like that movie a lot. It was good. I liked it. I need another one of these. I can tell. 'Cause the story's gonna get deeper? It's gonna get- Want me to put it on a stem for you that you like so much? No. 'Cause you can't hang on to those fucking things. I mean, it's crazy. See, Gary be acting different when it, when the cameras is rolling and when we're recording. Didn't you remember he said he loves the martini glass? No. Yeah, Gary did not say that. Oh, my God. I want Gary on this. Oh, my God. Where's your sense of humor, Ting Ting? Right there. That was good. That's- That was some good timing on that button. There it is. That was some good timing. Right on that button. Um, all right. Can you, Gary, can you explain again, the situation? Like, the three... What do you call the, what do you call that team again? It's, like, the one that goes and finds a target, one that marks a target, and one that, like- Oh, that's a hunter killer team. Okay. Yeah, it's two loaches. There's two, uh, Cobras and a chase ship. Hunter killer team. Yeah. And there's a low loach- Finds tar- you know, finds targets that- So you were considered a lo- No, no, no, no, no. Okay. I was, I didn't, I only- Were you any of those? I only did that, like, a couple of times. But the real, the real hunter killer teams, they got two loaches. The f- there's a low loach down there looking, looking for targets. Yeah. And there's a high loach that marks the target after the low loach finds it. So marking the target is, like, shooting something at it? Dropping a smoke. Okay. Okay. And then the Cobras kill it. But what generally happened, or what happened a lot of times, is the low loach would get shot down, fucking no need to mark the target 'cause it's burning. Yeah, which is the low loach. Yeah. Oh. That- And the Cobras go in and kill everything around it. And then the, uh, the chase ship, the Huey, drops a fucking, you know, a p- not a platoon, but a bunch of guys would go in and save the guys on the, on the loach if they're still alive half- Yeah and then they all leave. What, um... Okay, so the, the one that, marked the target, y- you said those people had, like, kind of a 30-day, life expectancy, something like that? For loach drivers, yeah. Yeah. Mm-hmm. 90 days for helicopter pilots, 30 days for loach drivers. What about... So helicopter pilots were the ones that were the Cobras? Yeah, we're all helicopter pilots. We're flying helicopters. Okay, so... Well, yeah. So the, so the one, the... What was the life expectancy of the Cobras? It seems like they were the elite- Eh of this group. Co- Cobra drivers- They were meant to survive. Uh, they were meant to shoot stuff. Well, yeah. Yeah. So you want them to survive longer because they're the ones that are- Well, you gotta remember, Cobra's only, like, a yard or so wide. Yeah. And they're sitting tandem. Yeah. And the guy in front's the bullet catcher, and the guy behind's, you know, the aircraft commander, so. It's always very disturbing when you say bullet catcher, Gary. Well, that's what we were. And we did a really good job. You weren't Superman. You weren't Superman catching bullets with your teeth. Why is it white? 'Cause I actually shook it. Oh. Why would you shake it? He did shake it, yeah. So that's the juice from the olive. Olive juice. It's not juice from... olive juice. That's olive juice. I actually made a proper martini. That's a olive juice. I didn't want a fucking proper martini. I wanted vodka. Just try it. If you don't like it, I'll make another one, like I always do. Somebody take a shit in there. And, and I can drink it. Since I'm not drinking yet. So yeah Another product that puts you straight to the bathroom. Oh, this sucks. I can... No, I can't eat that. This really sucks. What the hell did you put in there? Oh, does it? Does it suck? That's too salty probably, right? I just like vodka. Oh, you just only wanted vodka and not a martini? Let me see. Well, I'm not gonna give it to you. Let me see. All right, we're having a real problem here today, folks. Ahem. What's the problem? The bartender- Lonnie is broke? Let me see. The bartender is broken? Here, you try this. Okay, let's see what it's... I don't like it when it's really salty, though It's a little salty 'cause I put four olives in there for him- Oh 'cause he likes olives. I seen him eat them shits- I like- until they was going out of style man, I- Well, that's, that was lunch I haven't had lunch yet. Damn. That's lunch? There you go. Hell. I mean, it's, it's okay. I would drink that. He just didn't put no vermouth in the last one. You don't want vermouth? I just wanted fucking vodka straight up in a glass. Oh. Oh. Then why did he call it a marti- you realize he's charging you for... Did you call it a martini? I don't know what the fuck I called it. I said I want- So he overcharged him? Bas- if you just want shaken vodka, yeah, it's a clear overcharge. Well, Ryan wouldn't- Oh, okay Ryan wouldn't do that to me. I think- Okay well, Ryan, he's going through a- I'll check in, in a minute well, he's going through a thing, so. Can I have just... Now you're throwing shit around. Do you not want that? Do you just want shaken vodka? Why don't you drink it? Tina can drink that. And you just want it shaken vodka? They- I don't... Don't even shake it, just put it in a glass. Okay. Why is- I feel like, I feel like Lonnie is not following instructions today. Why, why, why is life so difficult? I don't know. Um- What's wrong with vodka in a glass with a couple olives? So, uh, Gary, let's transition to another story, another war story. Um, let's think about, like, I wasn't there, of course. No shit. So I remembered you. I would've been a twinkle in my mom's eye. You, you would've been a donut dolly. Shut up. I don't even wanna know what that means. Shut up. No, that's not a bad thing. It's a good thing. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what that... Well, tell me, now I'm curious. Uh- What's a fucking donut dolly? I don't remember. Okay. It's something, something raunchy. Okay. He didn't, he didn't put- Do I have to pay for it before I get it? Huh? No, he's trying to see how much, um, he charged you for that. He didn't put it on there. Oh, okay. So I'll just put two Stoli shots for you. Why do you, why do you have to fucking put anything down? Yeah, he's- Because my fucking job, Gary. He, he's an old man. He, he's a fucking, he's a fucking bureaucrat is what he is. That's- I'm a bureaucrat I'm really dis- I've never been more disappointed in him in my life. He's, he's a capitalist. Capitalist, my ass. All this money that's not going to me and y'all blaming me. Got it. I ain't tipping. Fuck that, I'll save my money. You're gonna give me my burritos. Ah. Yo quiero burrito. Okay, tell me another story. 'Cause you know my cousin- I'll just put two kettles on there my cousin in, San Diego, Tina, do you want that? Sure, I'll drink it. You're gonna charge me for it? Duh. No. This is your buffoonery, so you can drink- It's not buffoonery whatever. It's actually a martini. It's actually good. Yeah, I know it is. Do you want a drink yet? It's- Wow. I am working. What? How come- Oh how come when I get one from Ryan it's, uh, more or less? It's really full? Because you- And I get one from the whistle pig here I'll, I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why you drunk veteran. Oh, my God. I'll tell you why you drunk veteran. I'm not drunk yet. It's because you- I'm working on it no, you're about to be. It's because you ordered a fucking martini, all right? And he just gave you shaken vodka. He was gonna charge you a whole martini- I told him for shaken vodka straight which is a overcharge, and I just saved your fucking wallet. I, it wasn't even on the damn list. Yeah, but he was gonna have me charge you for a martini. No, he wouldn't. Okay. Ryan wouldn't do that to me Ryan wouldn't do that to me. I'm, folks, I'm thinking Churchill's fine cigars and- It's going downhill ship's going downhill. Oh my gosh. There's a whole lot of laughter going on here. Oh. I'm gonna have to find a new cigar bar. Ah. You can go across the street to Trevor's. Oh, that's a good idea. They have food there too, right? They actually now have Dunbarton Trust. Who? This place right here, that does it. But they have plenty of JFR. They're pushing me to smoke a cigarette, dude. They, they have, JFR for sure. Anyways, I think you guys should make up. Nice dams. Do, do a- I was never... Okay, Gary. Do, do- Do- That'll be enough out of you, sir. Uh, do a fist bump. What is this, your lighter? Uh, yes. No, no. No smoking. I know. Don't... Why you acting like you've never seen it? Let me see it. Let me f- let me touch it. You wanna feel it? Let me touch it. Why are you trying to burn me? You nasty. Sure. I'm getting a terrible rap from this damn show. Just from this show alone, I'm getting the worst rap ever. Oh. Now I'm out here burning bitches. Gary's over here playing footsie with me. So next, next time you're in fucking, Scottsdale, Arizona- Come see Lonnie I'd, I'd, I'd advise- You'll get a gift that keeps on giving all of you- Ew don't show up on Monday and Tuesday nights- Sounds like that hurts 'cause Lonnie's here. Okay. Yeah. So Lonnie, what I will say about you- That's why it's cheaper when I'm not around what I will say, even- I made it cheaper for you, sir even, even though Lonnie annoys me a lot of times, Lonnie is, like, really funny as fuck, though. Thank you. You, your comebacks is, like, super quick, and I think it's just from, like, working with people all the time. You have to be quick on your feet. I've always been this way. It's funny, though. Actually. That shit right there was, like, priceless. That was funny. You said, "I'm out here burning bitches." I hope not. I hope he's staying protected. No, um, my sophomore year in high school is where I kinda flipped a switch. Yeah. I used to kinda get bullied. You graduated. You got graduated from high school? Got graduat- graduated from, uh, Loserville High. Fucking- What, here in, in, uh, Arizona? Yeah, I went to Valley Vista, but when I was, like, a freshman, I was getting picked on by all these kids, like, you know what I'm saying? I was picked on. Like, I was, like, really being picked on. Yeah, probably. Were you a bully? Until sophomore year rolled around. You were a bully, Gary? I was really quiet. Yeah. But you were, like, football in high school, too, right? Yeah. Yeah. That's who used to fuck with me, football players. Well, they always- Then I started sticking up for myself Then I started making the other kids laugh at the kids that were making fun of me. Oh, wow. And I just never looked back ever since. Lonnie, do you need a hug? No, I don't want no hug from you bullies. I don't want no hug from you bullies. Oh, my God. Haven't I burned you enough? Oh, that's funny. Oh, okay, so another story, Gary- No since this was, this was your day to tell your stories on Sticks and Stories coming to you live- I just want to tell me- from Scottsdale, Arizona I want somebody to fucking tell me I'm either making this shit up, I'm from an alternate universe- Mandela effect. You see- Nobody wa- Oh, it could be that. Yeah nobody wanted to... Yeah, but I, I know too many specifics for it. Yeah. Like the Berenstain Bears. How do you guys say it, Berenstain or Berenstein? I have no idea. I don't know. I never heard of them. You didn't? I call them Bears. I just call them Bears. Oh, well the Bears went to fucking Indiana. They're the Indiana Bears now. I like that. They're not the Indiana Bears. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. They're the Chicago Bears still. Oh. Relax. Bullshit. I know there was talk about that, that she didn't- No, they're moving. No, they're not. It's happening. Shut the fuck up. It's happening. Jesus, shut the fuck up. It's happening. It's done. Talk pay no attention to the chaos behind curtain number one over here. Ah, they left. That is not happening. Shut the fuck up. They're building a new stadium in Indiana. Gary just, Gary just wants it to happen. Gary, Gary. I just read the news. Gary. That's all I do is read the news. I don't give a shit where they go. We do. I do care. Chicago sucks anyway. Fuck Chicago. Fuck Gary. See, that's what happens when, um- Fuck Gary it's kind of like California on Lake Michigan. No, that's where you... Aren't you from Idaho or Iowa? See, I don't know nothing about Iowa. Somewhere in the Midwest. So I'm like, are you from... 'Cause I was gonna say, "Fuck you and the potatoes," but it's just Iowa. That's Idaho. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. That's what I thought. But it's Iowa. Yeah. You're from, he's from... Wait a minute, wait a minute. It was- I forgot. Hey, I was close. It- I was close to getting you. It's- Yeah, right I coulda got you 3,000 miles apart. No, just more like a couple of letters. I don't care how far apart they are. Yeah, you- Just, I was a couple of letters away from getting you. Oh, my goodness. I was sticking up for you, Tina. I know. I was- You and Illinois I was trying to remember the state. Oh, good. There's s- a customer. Get the fuck out of here, Lonnie. You would want me to go away so I can't help Tina no more. Oh, I'm, I'm good. I can roast Gary by myself. Oh, Tina. I don't remember saying that Yeah. Oh, he was talking about me. I don't see you saying. Yeah. I don't wanna buy it, so I better not break it. Don't break it So we're done with the ghost story That, I'm trying to figure out what happened Well, I don't know if we'll ever figure that out. We have to figure out who wrote the story about it, and actually, Wikipedia is not the only source. So again, let me... I'm gonna type this in. Hopefully it doesn't kill the podcast, but I'm gonna type it in. Um, this is a French resort, uh, bombing- French resort bombing 1971 Oh, that, that won't even make the fucking news Oh, it would. No. Okay. The Bears are advancing in plans to move to Hammond, Indiana. That's bullshit. They are doing that. No, they're gone. Okay. So- Hey, now All right. So Viet Cong frequently targeted hotels and bachelor officers' quarters in Saigon used by American and Allied personnel. Or the other end of the country And then the French mission bombing, there's 1972, during the US bombing campaigns like Operation Linebacker, the French diplomatic mission in Hanoi. Uh, you said Da Nang, though. Was it actually Da Nang? Is, w- It was Da Nang, yes Okay. Uh, okay. It was Da Nang I don't know how to spell the name. Oh, there it is J-A-N-A-N- G. Yeah, there it is. All right, so again, let's see. Bana Hills was the French resort. Bana Hills? Okay. I don't know. Yeah, so established in 1919, this former luxurious hill station features- New Orleans? Well, Da Nang Air Base bombardments. Da Nang was a major US and South Vietnamese stronghold. In 1971, the sprawling air base was subjected to repeated North Vietnamese Army and Viet Cong rocket and sapper attacks, notably destroying fuel dumps in late April and hitting barracks in July. Gee. So in 1971, Viet- um, context, while major US combat troops were actively withdrawing in '71, heavy bombardments continued across the country, including targeted strikes like Operation Lam Son. Lam Son. So it does say that something did... It di- does say that something happened, but, um, it's not necessarily- Woo-hoo a targeting. Yes. I heard a whole bunch of crashing and bombs and stuff like that. What the hell? Like, right when you were reading that. I got something interesting to read. That's all in your head. No, no, no, I heard it. And you're in my head, so you, you heard it, too. Anyways, um, the Chicago Bears are... I'm sorry to change the subject. That's all right. The Chicago Bears are advancing plans to build a new stadium in Hammond, Indiana, potentially, potentially moving out of Illinois for the first time in their 106-year history. Oh, well. While the board has voted to prioritize the Indiana site, Arlington Heights remains a secondary option if Illinois can provide property tax certainty. So what, what, so- Oh, it's tax, tax, yeah. Yeah, 'cause, so what I was about- Well, it is what it is then, shit I mean, what I was about to say was the only, the only hand you're playing with are the cards that you dealt to yourself. The, the Bears are gone. Well, Illinois needs to come, stop being so corrupt with the taxes and shit. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And that's why a lot of places- Illinois has always been corrupt it's, well, yeah, it has been. Yeah, I've- They fucking put a park on where Meigs Airfield used to be. Yeah. And that's not okay. And I met several, several of the people that went to jail, several of the governors that went to jail. I, I was like, "Oh, I just met that person. Now they're locked up." Tee-hee. That's good. Tee-hee. That's good. And the crazy part is when I was talking about this when I was in Boston, to show you how competitive people are there, they're like, "Oh, our politicians are, uh, corrupt, too." I'm like, "That, that's not a fucking flex. Shut the fuck up." I know, right? No, I know, right? That's like somebody saying, "I got cancer." "Well, I got stage three cancer." Yeah. Yeah, it's dumb. I'm like, "Why are we comparing bad shit?" That's not something to flex about. Woo-hoo. So yeah. So- So there's some truth to that. There you go. All politicians are fucking crooked. Is that the truth we're talking about? That too. That part. That's pretty true. That part too. They're all crooks. But we're, it's not a political podcast. It is for 30 seconds. All right. I wanna be political I wanna be politically incorrect Okay. I'm going to take this part out for once. Oh, don't do that. Makes it really good. I wanna be politically incorrect. Did you guys... Oh, speaking of- I'm gonna take my clothes off. No, just kidding. Speaking of crazy shit, did you, um- Yeah. Oh, ooh. Gary looked at you. That's better. I know. He looked at his arms and legs. Put it back on. What's wrong? I wanna be politically incorrect. Oh, well, good. Yeah. You're welcome. It's, it's good you kids are out there to teach us old folks how to work this shit. Okay, so let me tell you something, um, folks out there in, uh, Sticks and Stories land, She's about to talk shit about me so, so Gary, no. We're both on that. No, no, no, no. Not about you. Not, not about you this time. Gary, so since Gary keeps talking about, he's like, "Oh yeah, you guys are teaching me this stuff," Gary, we would not know half the shit in that fucking pilot circle. Like, we don't know- Yeah like, you have to be super smart to fly. No, you don't. Yes, you do. Fuck, I, I can teach a goddamn gorilla how to fly. I can fucking teach- I was about to get my pilot license before I settled on bartending. I- Oh, so you prob- No, we would, we would never have taught you how to fly. You're just not, you know? White enough? Yeah, no, I get it. White enough, my ass. No. You're just not, uh... No, he's gonna say something, none that, but... So anyways, so you think it's easy? You think it's eas- What? You think it's easy to learn how to fly? Fuck, I did it. It's gotta be easy. Then why can't I? You just have the brain to do it, Gary. You're just not smart enough. Well, goddamn. You got a bad attitude. T. No, I don't. Yes, you do. I just settled on this. Actually, I wish- You're drug induced, for Christ sakes. They don't want- I'm a what? I don't want you out there flying around. You're drug induced all the time. I'm not drug induced. Yeah, that's what it is. I passed a drug test just recently. And, and your radio protocol would suck. What do you mean? You'd always be talking. No, I would fucking learn how to, what to say and how to say shit. Oh, yeah. So, so, so- You're gonna learn how to shut up? Yeah. Oh. So, so basically, you, you say something and they repeat it, and you listen for it, right? You guys were doing... Like, you were... So Carlos was talking about this on something. He, 'cause whenever the bomb went out, or I'm sorry, they were practicing in the field. But, um, so he said you normally say something, and then someone else repeats what you said. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, you identify the target and, and- I don't remember all the protocol, but it's shot over- Yeah shot out. You adjust where the round hits, whether, you know, it's not right or left, but basically- Yeah it's right or left, or it's up or down, depending on how far it went. So give me like a- And then fire for effect, which is just neither... Fucking shit, everything goes and everything blows up. And you don't even wanna be close. So give me, like, an example, uh, Gary. So, like, so, I, I know you don't say, "Fire in the hole," but, like, give me an example- Yeah what they would say. Like, so you go mark the tar- Well, I just did. Well, no, you, there's words that you say. Do you remember what they said? Like... No. Okay. I don't remember shit. 'Cause I think Carlos, he mentioned, like- Just watch a Michael Bay movie we gotta get Carlos back in. Oh. What? I said just watch a Michael Bay movie. There's nothing on fucking movies. Hardly ever gets close. Yeah. Well, I mean, Transformers was pretty close. All right. Very realistic. And now we know why he can't fly. Just in case you guys missed that. That was a sad face for Lonnie. One more time, Lonnie. Sad, sadness. I'm not sad about a thing. Sadness in your future. Oh. Okay. All right. So, um, so that was a good story. So we did get some answers. So it looks like it, it happened, but there's conflicting- Well, shit, yes. Fucking happened I know it happened, but there's conflicting resources. That's why I think people have to do- Gary, why you being so mean, bro? uh, fact check- I'm not mean everywhere. So. Did you say fat check? I said flat, but, you know, I drank the drink that you didn't want, so maybe I can't talk straight right now. I like that. There are no fat helicopter pilots. I- I had to lose 40 fucking pounds to get into- Damn flight school. I was about to ask about that, 'cause, um, you know, there's a, most- There's a weight requirement? Most... Yeah, most of them are... Like, look at most, uh, pilots. They're not... They get- Yeah, they're in, like, some pretty good shape. Yeah. Yeah. So, all right. So when I went in, y- they still got that fucking chart with if you're six foot tall- Yeah you should weigh 176 pounds. Oh, wow. Well, I was six fucking foot tall, and I weighed... Well, I was 6'1", but I weighed 220, and I was in great shape. "Oh, no, you don't meet the- You had to lose- parameters." So I had to lose- 50 fucking pounds yeah, I had to lose- How, how'd you lose the weight? Well, it's... Well, I went to basic training, and I didn't eat for four weeks. Oh, okay. Oh, shit. Yeah. And that's not good. So I came out of it around 220 pounds. They don't weigh you while you're fucking getting shot at. I love that part Yeah, 'cause they're like, "Well-" They don't care then. You like that part? Well, well, like if you get shot down. Let me, let me tell you about getting small. All right, so you're flying, right? Mm-hmm. And you got this stick you're hanging onto. Well When you're being shot at, you get really small. And if you were looking head-on, you couldn't see the fucking pi- you could see his two fucking ears hanging out of his helmet. Yeah. But the rest of them is hiding behind that little stick. Oh, you gotta get- Jesus Christ you gotta get small enough to hide behind a stick? That's called getting small, yeah. That sounds like a cartoon, Gary. Uh, but it's real. That sounds quite real to me. It sounds cartoonish. All right. Let's talk about seats. Hmm. Let's talk about your ass getting a grip on the seat. Okay. It's got teeth. Did you guys have seat belts? Yeah, we had f- The seats- And I'm still, I'm still alive because of a seat belt. No, it sounds like you're still alive 'cause the teeth that were in the seat biting your ass. Yeah. Your grab a hold, your ass grabs a hold of anything it can to survive. Hell no. And your ass will grab that fucking seat, there's no doubt in my mind. All, all of Gary's, all of Gary's bikes got broken seats. 'Cause his a- Part, part, part bike his ass knows to clutch. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? He's got- There you go And some of them ain't got no seat at all. Yeah. It's just the pipe. Uh-huh. As your ass flying through the fucking air upside down, you're going, "Goddamn, I got a grip on the seat." What, um... So Gary, we talked about one of your crashes. You had, like you said you have four crashes. We only talked about one of them. No, I only got three. Oh, psh. I would have liked to have zero. Can you talk about, can you ta- Okay. Can you talk about one other crash? Like, not the pre-Vietnam one, but like, just talk about one of the other ones. 'Cause we n- I think- Oh, well, the, the second one was just a guy that, an engine failure. And if, as I'm taking off, these poor fuckers... There's, there's an infa- infantry company around me, and I'm picking up this captain to go check out where they're going. Yeah. And I mean, it basically, the engine fails in the worst... There's, called a dead band zone. Yeah. No matter what the fuck happens, you ain't gonna do nothing about it because the time you recognize it, it already happened. Oh, shit. So boom, we're on the ground. Tail boom flies off. Let's see. We lose the rotor. Yeah, we lost the rotors. There's nothing left. But the Loach is a great crashing helicopter. Mm-hmm. If you're gonna fucking crash- It's the best thing to crash in it's the best damn thing in the world. They still make them. They're out there. I was gonna say, why not, uh, make regular planes out of that? Is it too heavy to fly if you made a plane- No out of that shit? No, no, no, no. Everybody wants a pointy nose and, you know, it's- Like a sexy ass plane sex sells, right. A fucking egg with a hard-on, not so much. Hmm. But it- Well, safety first. Eh, you never know. I'm gonna say, you kinda selling me on the Loach. There you go. So, uh, the third one was a tail rotor failure during a ty- you know, typhoon's coming in We, I salvaged that one Yeah Not a big deal So when the planes crash, or I'm sorry, when the helicopters, when they crash like that- What they don't teach is crashing Yeah. Well, the one- They should teach crashing well, the one, well, they don't teach it today, but the one guy did teach you right before you left, but that was b- Nobody taught me shit that was by accident He fucked up Yeah, he fucked up. But he was trying to teach you how to land. He was- No, he was trying to teach me how to- Oh, you can have it. Yeah extend a glide in an auto rotation. Yeah, but he, wasn't he trying to also teach you how to land in a tight spot? Like, on a, like, a fucking- Always tight spots Well- All right, Gary It's a fucking- This ain't the time for those sick, perverted jokes, sir Um, So, so when, s- so are- You lip smacking son of a bitch. What are you doing? You're eating my olives. Riding the magic dragon, were you? But yeah, it didn't happen. The dragon part. All right, well, we're gonna go. Bye. Bye, y'all. See what I deal with here?