Why the Idea of It Feels Better Than the Real Thing

There's a museum 15 minutes from my house. I told my wife I wanted to go for four years. This weekend, I finally went.

It wasn't what I thought it would be.

In this solo Soul Session, I'm sitting with something that's been on my mind. Why does the idea of a thing so often feel better than the actual thing? The relationship we imagine. The vacation we plan. The job in tech we chase. The buildup carries a kind of magic that the reality rarely matches.

I unpack a simple framework I keep coming back to. Disappointment is the gap between expectation and reality. The bigger the gap, the bigger the letdown. And most of us are walking around with expectations sitting way above what life is going to deliver.

A few things I'd love for you to sit with after listening: What is something you've been anticipating for years that you still haven't done? If you finally did it, would the reality match the version living in your head? And where in your life right now might the idea be the best part?

If this sparks one honest conversation with someone you trust today, it did its job.

Subscribe for more Soul Sessions, where we talk about the things underneath the things.

#SoulSessions #Mindset #Expectations #PersonalGrowth #Anticipation

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hey folks, welcome again to another soul session. Been trying something differently. Although this season we're working on the conversations around changes, I also want to sprinkle in some of these solo episodes, things that I've been thinking about, things that I'm wrestling with, and a lot of them may not have the intended end that we typically expect. Um, it's just things I said I've been thinking with, thinking about. And today I've been thinking about when the expectation of a thing entices more than the actual thing. So, what do I what do I mean by that? I've been in this city or town for about four years. And when I've initially moved here, uh there is a museum, the aviation museum. I think it's the second largest one in the country. And I've always wanted to go, and I as I asked my wife, I was like, oh, we should go. And I always joke like she promised to take me there. And so for four years, the idea of going to the museum was enticing to me. And I've always, it's one of those things where it would it became a running joke between my wife and I. And I never eventually I never went until this weekend. And it just made me start to think about there's so many things in life where the idea of the thing is more enticing to us than the actual thing. So after going to the museum, it was underwhelming. I realized I love a good museum, but I realized that this museum, I wasn't that much into the aviation. Uh I thought I would enjoy the plane, and I always learned something. There was some cool stuff there. Learn about what did planes look like through the ages. And so that was fun to see, but I realized just the anticipation and the fact that I never actually did the thing felt more appealing to me than actual doing the thing. And it made me think about like the different things in life that we go through around this. One of them I think about is in dating or relationships. It's like the the idea of having a certain relationship feels more real, oftentimes more appealing to us than the actual relationship itself. I've seen this pan out for friends, even myself. Like we have this idea of how things could go or should go. And then we end up it us not executing on the thing, or um, we like the idea of being in a committed relationship and what it takes. And we like from the outside, it looks appealing to us. But once we get into it, it's not that good. I don't know if there's a word for that. I've heard studies show that sometimes the idea and the anticipation of a vacation is actually more fulfilling to us than the actual going on vacation. It's like the buildup. We like the buildup or we like the idea of something. Um the other the other thing I think about is jobs. Like we like the idea of having a job. When I talk to a lot of people, they want to go into tech and they like the idea of tech sales or working in tech, but the reality of it isn't what they end up. The reality of it isn't what what they they end up um enjoying. Maybe that's it. There are things in our life where the idea is more appealing than the reality. And so it's okay to stay in that um idea stage. It's like I could do this, I could do that. Just like, but once we move that threshold into reality, something breaks down. When the reality hits us, it's not always the same as the idea or or around it. Um so I just wanted to share that with you because it's something that was recent top of mind. And I'm curious, how are you thinking about it? Are there things in your life where you've been saying, you know, I would like this or this feels nice? Um, that you've also experienced that the idea of the thing was good, but then when you end up going, the reality of it didn't match up to the idea that you had or your expectations. You know, I have to think about disappointment, is there's a gap between your expectations and reality. And oftentimes the bigger the gap between what you expect and the reality, the bigger the disappointment. Um, and so if this is actually a really cool thing, you think about it. If you have a line, that's your expectation. If the reality of the thing is below your expectations, then you're disappointed. If the reality of the thing is above your expectations, you get excited. And a lot of times what I'm talking about is we have uh expectations, an idea, and a lot of times the reality of the thing that we want is below, and we get really disappointed. I'm I'm I wonder what in your life you know you've had an idea about or what could be. And then when you end up doing it, it was like, man, this isn't what I thought it was. And then are there things right now that you have an idea of what it could be like and you haven't experienced it yet, and you're wondering, is this what they say it would be? I don't know if this is going to go anywhere, but I wanted to share that with folks. I said we're gonna have a bit more of these. Thank you for being on this journey. Um, and I hope this at least sparks one conversation with you and your friends today.