Why Trying Harder Won’t Heal Your Father Wound

The most insidious lies are the ones about your identity.

Are you a man who knows God exists but feels completely intimidated by the Bible? Maybe you have one on your nightstand, but it’s essentially a "good luck charm" or a paperweight. You want to be the dad you never had, but you don't know how to access the "manual."

In this Roundtable episode of Dudes Without Dads, we sit down with Kris Langham to dismantle the myth that the Bible is just an "answer book" or a religious checklist. We share raw stories—from finding the Gospel of John in a prison cell to realizing that God’s Word is actually a "Love Letter" from the Father you never had.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• The "Math Book" Mistake: Why looking for quick answers is keeping you from real transformation.
• Where to Start: Why the Gospel of John is the ultimate starting point for men with father wounds.
• Identity Rewiring: How to replace the "old man" narrative with the truth of who God says you are.
• The Battle for the Mind: Why what has your mind has your "becoming."

"Talking about the past heals your present." It’s time to stop hiding behind tradition and start meeting the Dad you never had.

CHAPTERS: 00:00 - The Dad You Never Had 02:15 - Meeting the Father through the Word 04:30 - Why your Bible is a "Good Luck Charm" 07:10 - Gabriel’s Story: The Bible in a Prison Cell 10:45 - Why the Bible isn’t an "Answer Key" 14:20 - How to start your renewal process today

RESOURCES MENTIONED:

• The Gospel of John
• Dudes Without Dads Community:
• The "Become the Dad You Never Had" Guide: 

CONNECT WITH US: Instagram: @DudesWithoutDads Website: www.DudesWithoutDadsPodcast.com

#FatherWounds #ChristianIdentity #HowToReadTheBible #DudesWithoutDads #GenerationalTrauma #MensMinistry #Faith

Transcript

SPEAKER_05 0:00

There's so many fathers that I feel like are gonna listen to this that don't know how to father because they didn't have a father.

SPEAKER_02 0:06

This is this is goal. The ability to not only recognize that when I'm reading God's word, I'm reading my father's words.

SPEAKER_04 0:17

That I can be a man that doesn't have anger, that I can be a man that doesn't live in lust, that my mind can be rewired in the training that he has put me in.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

I think the most uh insidious lies are the ones about your identity, the lie that tells you that you are someone you are or that you are the old man. What we really wanted from our dad was a dad who would tell us who we are.

SPEAKER_01 0:41

Welcome to Dudes Without Dads, the show that trains men how to become the dads they never had. So, gentlemen, let's go ahead and get started. Chris Langham, welcome to the podcast. Thank you for accepting the invite to be on the round table. I want to catch everybody up. Uh, first, Cody sent me a message and said, Hey, why don't we live stream this thing? And I'm like, Okay. So today we're gonna live stream it, although this will be edited in the future and it'll be, you know, posted for YouTube and our podcast. But Chris, to catch you up on the journey we've been on, this will be our official fourth round table. The very first one, we dealt with this idea of if you're gonna become the dad you never had, you got to start by meeting the dad you never had. And so it's all about forgiveness, all about coming into a relationship with Yahweh uh through the finished the work, the atonement of uh Yeshua, you know, our our our savior. And uh so that was episode one. Number two is this what happens to demons uh when they have nowhere to go? Because the idea is we see so many people come to know Jesus, and then you watch their lives, and they seem to go back to the place they were when they started. And the idea is they're coming back, they're coming back. And our lives, our our lives, our stories, our communities are filled with guys who've come to know Jesus. And then I don't care what theology you want, you just watch their lives, and for whatever reason, they don't they don't stay on track. And so we use the biblical narrative of hey, when these things don't find rest, they might end up coming back. And if you're not filled with the Holy Spirit, you might end up in that same way. And so we shared different stories. And so, number two, we ended up talking about okay, what do we have to do? And it's like we got to develop a prayer life. We have got to be spending time with God daily. And we invited Ralph Moore here, he was there uh the last time that we had this podcast. And then today we're asking this question if we're gonna become the dead, the men, the fathers uh that we never had, we've got to learn to start spending time in God's word. And so we're gonna open up in prayer. And I just want to hear formation. I'm gonna ask the top questions that we see on YouTube, top questions we have in Google of what people are going inside of social media, what are they typing in the chats? And we're gonna propose those questions. And our goal or the heartbeat behind this is this how do we encourage dudes without a father to start spending time inside their prayer life, inside of intimacy with God, but also start renewing their mind where they start re-downloading or downloading the biblical narrative God's word. And so we're gonna unpack that. And Chris, you're actually one of the perfect guests to maybe point people to by the end of this podcast if they're looking for a place to get started. Um, I've started going through the disciple disciplogy stuff. I don't know if we're allowed to talk about all of it, but we want to help dudes start renewing their minds because there is a battle that's actually taking place in our minds, and what has our minds has our our becoming, and what has our becoming has our doing. And so any any clarifying questions or anything anybody wants to say, and then we'll pray and we'll get started. Let's get to it. Gabriel, you said something about you being a thug. So I figured we'll have the thugs start off with prayer. Would you mind turning us into today's episode?

SPEAKER_03 4:20

Yeah, let's pray. So, Father, we thank you so much, Lord, for this opportunity, God, to be able just to sit together here as brothers, Lord, and have a conversation, Father. I pray you big you you bring back to remembrance, God, when we first fell in love with your word, Lord. How impactful that was in our lives, God. And Father, I just pray for those that will be listening. I pray that um, Lord, you use this time. So, Father, we love you, we thank you, we we invite your Holy Spirit here, God. Father, empower us, Lord, just to be clear communicators, Lord, in Jesus' name. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 5:00

Amen. Uh little groundwork, if you have something that you sense that would add value on any question that we have, there's you know, share your perspective, your experiences on where you land with it. And um, and we're gonna just start off with this. There's a lot of dudes who they believe in God, they believe that He exists, you know, somewhere, might be personal, might not, but they spend zero time reading the Bible. They feel stuck, they feel intimidated, they don't even know where to begin. So when it comes to reading the Bible, why do so many dudes get stuck? And where should they start in reading the Bible?

SPEAKER_03 5:44

Well, I I I I can I'll never forget, man, when I grew up with religion, you know. I I knew, like you said, I knew who Jesus was, I knew how to do the sign of the cross, you know, I knew all these things at home. Um, it was it was tradition, you know. But I didn't really understand why we would do these things. As a matter of fact, every time we would pass by a church, you know, I would um I would, I would just, whether we had beer in the car or something in the car, we would put it away, like, oh man, so uh we we gotta have respect so God can't see this stuff, right? So it was just all all tradition, all in the mind. But um, I'll never forget, I I will I never I've never seen anybody in my family growing up actually say, son, we're gonna read the Bible, we're gonna sit here and open up God's word and just and and have devotion time, have family time in God's word. But when I first when I first read the Bible, man, it was so powerful to me because and and I didn't know where to start. I had no training. I hadn't this is this is how we know that God's word is powerful, you know. I was uh I think I shared with you guys many times before the lifestyle I lived. I was in a prison cell looking at a life sentence, you know, hopeless, rock bottom is what we call. And some guy had the courage to give me a Bible to tell me, like, hey man, you need to start reading God's word. And I'm like, Reading God, what is that gonna do for me now? You know, so anyway, he walked me through it and I didn't know where to start. Man, it's this big, thick book, and you're like, well, come on, bro, I'd rather just read, you know, something else, something easier, you know. But I never forget what he said. He said, Look, when you read God's word, you gotta read it in a way where it pretty much telling me, read it in a way where you're you're gonna get into it expecting to hear something from God, you know. Don't read it with this, ah, okay. Let me let me see what he says. So, anyways, he told me, start in the Gospel of John. That's what he told me. Start in the Gospel of John. And it's like I I had the faith, I think, to the little mustard seed faith to to to read it, to accept it, you know, because my condition was crazy where I was at. You know, you don't really people were getting stabbed and beat up for reading Bibles because they called it, hey man, you're hiding behind God's word, you're hiding behind the shield, is what inmates will call that. So it was a big risk, you know, receiving this Bible from this guy and trying to read it. So, anyways, man, I remember I said, Oh, you know, it was that divine appointment. I began, okay, where the heck is John, man? I couldn't find the book of John, you know, some of these names I couldn't pronounce, you know. How do you pronounce that if you're a Mexican, you know? But anyway, Malici, I think that's what I would call him. But, anyways, I get to I finally get to the book of John. And dude, when I I began to read, God's word did exactly what God says. My word would not return back void. I began to fall in love with this love letter, and I began to just I couldn't believe everything that Jesus had done for me, everything he went through, and I wanted more. And it just began to just transform me from the inside out, you know. So, where I started, man, I don't know where you guys started, but I started simply in the in the book of John. And man, did that that just that that began this journey, dude? I was there for almost three years, so I just I couldn't, I didn't read anything else but God's word. I just began to just fall in love with this. I began to have so many questions. Like, wait, what do you mean? Why did this dude do this back here? So you you guys know, just when you first get into God's word and it becomes real. So I began in the book of John, it was very impactful for me, you know. God knew exactly what I needed to hear, you know, and man, there it is. That's it.

SPEAKER_05 9:51

I can just see you just I can just see you walking around in jail calling yourself malicious.

SPEAKER_03 9:59

I'm telling you, man, I'm a new man, I'm a new man. Yeah, but I want to be like malici. You're like, who is that? Yeah, man, but I I never forget, man. It was like that that first Bible I had, man. It was paperback Bible, man. I I would just hold on to the, you know, and when we would get, you know what the crazy part when they would come in and look for contraband because they they would raid the cells and stuff like that. First thing when I went in there, I was always like, oh man, where's my Bible at? Did they mess with my Bible? No, like little highlights and stuff like that. And you know what? I still have it, actually. The first Bible I've ever had. I I it's still part of my part of my my life, and yeah, so something powerful, man, about just starting somewhere, you know. I don't know where you guys started, man. I think hopefully you started in something like Genesis.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

Oh, I I enjoyed Leviticus as a you did, I wouldn't recommend starting in Leviticus or Leviticus for that matter. No, we had a Bible that uh uh I remember what one of my favorites. My wife and I kind of got uh aware of the Bible at the same time, but we had both grown up in a tradition that gives you a Bible when you're in like third or fourth grade and they write your name in it, it's real special. But uh, but one of the the telling signs I remember my my wife's Bible that she had been given uh for forever what has this like the back of it was was peeled off of the her desk where it was just sitting forever, and uh and it literally got so stuck in the heat and probably some stuff spilled as she was a kid that the the whole back cover just got peeled apart because it just sat there. And and that was that was the picture of what the Bible was for us a thing that just sat on a desk or a shelf, or even in our church, the church that I grew up at, it just sat in a pew. And uh, and I remember like that's that's just a thing they keep there. Like it was basically a good luck charm for church services because nobody opened it. You know, they would read a verse from the front and and then talk about completely other things. But I actually remember as a little kid pulling out and opening it and flipping through, and uh Jeremiah was the one that caught me because I remember thinking to myself, oh, that must be the bullfrog. I bet he turns into a bullfrog at some point because there was Jeremiah was a bullfrog was a line from Joy to the world, which sounded well, it was a three-dog night. So I'm an early 80s kid, older than you guys, but but I, you know, he didn't turn to bullfrog. I got bored, so I closed it up. But uh, but I think we come at the Bible wrong. I think that uh the one of the reasons that people don't pull get it out is because they don't know what it is. And when they do come at it, they think it's something that it's not because it's present been presented to them wrong. So for some people, it's just this religious item that that you keep. It's just this it's tradition, it's good to have one. It you want to be a better person around it. But from other traditions, we get this idea that it's uh it's an answer book, that it answers everything in life. When you open it up, it's not presented. You kind of expect to get like the answer key at the back of your math book. Okay, life has problems, there's homework assignments, I don't know how to do them. I'm gonna open this thing and it's gonna tell me the right answer. And it's not. You open it and you get a story. And even though the stories are actually really good, interesting, and compelling, it's not what you expected. It's kind of like being told that uh, you know, if you watch Star Wars the movie, it's this incredible documentary with hacks on how to live your life. And you watch, and it's just a story with interesting characters and people and heartache. And and yeah, sure, it's great, it's just not what I expected. But the Bible is actually not an answer book. And some people are gonna get mad at me for saying that, but show me the section where it's just direct answers for every problem in life. The problems come up, the questions are there. We make the mistake of skipping to the answers that we have found that God has spoken to us and say, Oh, you know, it's a great prescription for that. You should go to, you know, Genesis at the end of Genesis. Uh Joseph says, What you intended for evil, God meant for good. What a powerful verse. That is a powerful verse. If you don't hear his story, his heartache, the what it was like to be sold into slavery by his own brothers, what it was like to be left for dead, what it was like to be thrown in jail on false accusations. If you don't get that whole story, that answer doesn't work. You need his story. Stories are powerful. The Bible, part of it is a storybook. It's also wisdom books, it's also personal letters from someone that cares about you, New Testament. It's also the story of God showing up on earth, like in the Gospel of John. You got to know that context to get what that story is or what you're reading. It's 66 books, it's not just one book. When you get that, the word of God suddenly opens to you and you connect. That's what happened for me. It sat there for a long time, and then I pick it up and I was I was just looking for the wrong thing. And I didn't, it wasn't computing, it wasn't connecting. But then when I finally got what I'm opening, and with little explanation, then it transformed for me. And suddenly I was getting, oh, this is this isn't answers for life. This is life. This is like the the words have life. That's where it became alive for me.

SPEAKER_05 15:29

Yeah, if you skip the end of Joseph's story, you miss all the weight of all the character building and all the story and the I mean the weight of that moment. It's like you missed all the all the meat of it. It's like we are. I always say, um, there's two different ways that I say to change your change your mind. It's simple, memorable, repeatable phrases or stories. I'm like, we are created as story-faring people. We can change our minds by telling ourselves different stories, right? So I that's largely what I end up doing in companies. You're telling yourself a story that's not true, and then I'll go and reinvent what the story actually is, right? For people. Um, my this is relatively recent. My brother's a Presbyterian uh pastor, he was going through catechism with his kids. So they catechized their kids uh to some degree. And and we had we go back and forth about like, are you just having memorized things that aren't real? Are you just memorizing verses? Are they not? Are you not? And I'm so we're pushing back against each other, we're playing devil's ads, get kind of arguing a little bit. And he's like, um, let's go back to our childhood. So me and my brothers did what we called sword drills, which was my parents would give us a verse and we would race to it, and we would say, we would say when we got to the verse and we would read the verse, and then we would say, you know, lamentations, whatever. This is the verse, and then we would say lamentations, whatever again. Whenever we did that, we would win. You get a point, right? So all of this is happening, and I don't know why this is important as a kid. We're competitive, we're three boys, we're just like, you know, we're that we're competitive with it. So it's not, it's it's meaningless to us at the time. So fast forward, you know, 30 years, and I'm having some real struggles in my marriage. You've got two kids, we've moved back home. Uh, I was sleeping on the floor at my office one time. My wife was living back with with her parents back in Gallatin. Real, real hairy situation we were in here. And um on my nightstand, my wife writes um Isaiah 42. It's a scripture about Jesus. And at this point, I start to go, okay, I know this is a bruised reed he will not crush, and a smoldering wick he will not stuff out. Faithfully is how he brings about justice. And it was like that illuminated for me. I heard that verse before, I've looked it up in the sword drills, and it created a framework for me, though, to be able to, you know, it created a framework. So it's like in wiring a house. You know, you put all the wires into the house, you don't know why they're there. If you flip the switch, if there's no power, it's not coming on. But the second there needed to be power and all the lights were already run, gold. So all the all the groundwork that got laid, I didn't know what it was. I didn't know what was why that would be meaningful for me. But then whenever the switch got got flipped, when I started to need the weight of those scriptures or to research those scriptures, I go, Oh gosh, this is my parents were not just running me through this, that, and the other. And to be able to go, all right, well, I'm gonna get this out and I'm gonna do it for my kids. I mean, there's there's so many fathers that I feel like are gonna listen to this that don't know how to father because they didn't have a father. This is this is gold. I mean, you Google how to do a sword drill or whatever and have your kids do it, it's gonna feel like the stupidest thing ever. And they're probably they may throw a fit about it. But I can tell you when I was 18 in struggle and I was 21 in another struggle, and I was and I'd go back to man, I remember I would people would read a scripture and I'd be like, I remember that. Like it would it would come back to me from my childhood.

SPEAKER_00 19:15

Um I didn't know this when my kids were little. Yeah, sword drill, baby. We had a jar of verses. We had a we had a jar of verses, and they'd pull them out and read them and see if they could get them without saying them. But uh, but yeah, all my kids' childhood. I did not get that myself growing up, but I I at least got that from my kids.

SPEAKER_05 19:37

My brother gave me that analogy of the wiring the house, and I'm I'm building houses right now, so that that made a whole lot of sense to me, where you just you're running the wires and they seem meaningless if you don't know what you're doing, and they go to certain places and do certain things until the power comes on, and then okay, well, this is that's what you're doing as a kid. You're building the framework by which they will then experience the life and then have the framework to depend on, if that makes somewhat of sense.

SPEAKER_00 20:07

Wax on, wax off.

SPEAKER_05 20:08

Yeah, like I would, I would have, I would have things happen in my life, and then and then scripture would get recalled to me in my brain that I have no relationship to other than the words on the paper. Oh, well, now I have a relationship to it because it's happening to me, you know, faithfully is how he brings about justice. And the whole the whole scripture, Isaiah 42, is 700 or 800 years before Jesus ever comes on the scene. And the people of Israel are saying he's gonna come back and swiftly set everything right, right? He's gonna come back and cut the heads off our enemies, sit on the throne, rule. Come now, Jesus. Let's let's get this done. I you know, how do you see this at that point? But here's the come and and set things right today and do it. And he's going faithfully is how he brings about justice. Day by day by day, he's faithfully to bringing about justice. So when I'm recovering in my bedside and I wake up every day and I see that, I go, faithfully, you bring about justice. A bruised weed, a bruised reed, you don't break, you don't snuff out a faintly glimmering candle. Faithfully, you're bringing about justice in my own life, right? It's like, okay, well, that has weight to it now as I start to learn those stories.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

I want to thank you for taking time to listen to this story. And if there's something inside of here that is adding value to you, I want you to stop and hit subscribe. I am on mission to help men become the dads they never had. Many of us struggle with father wounds, addictions, identity issues. And really what we need is we need a model. We need to see people that have broken the patterns and come alongside of them. I want to simply invite you to join me on the journey. Every Thursday, we're gonna release a new episode. Each episode. Is going to help you and others become the dads they never had. Hit subscribe and share with a friend. Now let's get back to the story. Big Pond, Antoine. Either one of you guys have anything.

SPEAKER_04 22:15

I I read everything I can get my hands on from like a handful of dead guys. I I read I like reading books by dead people more than alive people because you have enough time to figure out if they were full of crap or not. And one of one of my go-to, one of my go-tos is Eugene Peterson. And so he's he wrote 37, 36, 37 books. I'm I'm I'm almost through them all. Um but I just keep I keep going back to some of them over and over. And you know, he translated, he did, he did like the paraphrase, the message version of the Bible, and but he got deep into the just the the history of translation and and kind of the art of translation, what it means. And I think it was in Eat This Book, um uh one of his books. It was called it's called the title is Eat This Book. And he's talking about translation in the book, and he he said when they first were reading certain words that were written by like in in letters from from Paul, for example, they there were certain words that they didn't find anywhere in any of the records, any of the other literature. And so they're looking for these words, so they just kind of coined them Holy Spirit words. These are these were just these holy words that only Paul and the the church knew at this time. And so for me, it was like I didn't, I didn't grow up in church. I like I my grandma, we would go to the Greek Orthodox church every once in a while, and I just remember the way everything smelled, and I was just like, Why are we this place sucks? And so, but they like they would talk in a way where it was just like Holy Spirit land. I didn't understand what they were saying, the thou I I was like, I'm I'm checked out. Well, what was interesting was they go back and they find uh this is within the last couple of decades, archaeologists start finding grocery lists, letters from uh a father to a son, and it has these Holy Spirit words in it. They realize it wasn't Holy Spirit words, it was common street language, it was slang, it was just normal, everyday talk. That's how they were they were they they're not they're not writing these letters at this elevated place so that you can't grasp it. Like they're writing it as if they're having a conversation with you because the scripture is not meant to be, it's it's not idealism. Dallas Willard says, he's another one of my my dead homies. Dallas Willard says, He he said, Do what Jesus says, and you will find that what he says is true. Scripture is meant to be lived, it's not it's not kingdom later, it's kingdom now. Jesus says, Repent, the kingdom of heaven has come near. Repent, change your mind. You now have full access to change your mind to see that the rule and the reign of the kingdom is now here. You have full access. You're well, that it's not separated from everyday life. It's not this morning. I was I'm I'm I'm going through and I'm studying in Corinthians, and at the end of chapter two, he says, but we have the mind of Christ. And so I'm looking at all these different things on the mind. And I go to Philippians and I get to Philippians two, and it said, Jesus was he he did not take equality with God and take it as something to use to his own advantage. He came to serve, and so look, we can take that stuff and be like, oh yeah, this is great. This is just it's it's it's idealism and it's good philosophy. It's like, no, this is practical now. And so in prayer, God, what do I need to do today? How do I need to? And man, I had a plan for getting to my office, doing what I had to do for work, and it was just this little nudge. Your wife is working her butt off getting ready for the kid's birthday party this weekend, vacuuming the floor and mop. So that was my morning. It's like scripture's not meant to be this elevated theoretical thing, it's not idealism. It's like this is the kingdom has come near, you have full access. So repent, change your mind, fill your mind with it, and and then do what Jesus says, and you will find that what he says is true. If J Dallas Willard also says this if there were a better way to live, Jesus would be the first to tell you to take it. If there were a better way to live, he'd be the first to tell you to take it. Like it's it's yeah, it's not ideal. Okay, I'll I'll stop.

SPEAKER_05 27:03

You need to you need to write a book of all my dead homies.

SPEAKER_04 27:06

Yes. Um, I got a lot of them, man.

SPEAKER_05 27:08

I've gotten I've got some best selling. I've gotten a lot of nuggets from your dead homies.

SPEAKER_04 27:12

Dude, I got I have I have books that I'm actually not supposed to have from certain libraries that I don't know how I ended up getting them, but they're over there on my they're falling apart. They're good.

SPEAKER_01 27:23

If you're listening to this, you don't you won't appreciate what I'm about to say, but now we'd love to hear from the sexiest man in the room, best podcast studio on the planet, my man.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

No, man. Uh sorry, I'm getting over a little code too as well. So that's why I have to make it look as pretty as what I'm about to sound. That's it. Um, I think for me growing up and for for those uh young guys without dads, without fathers, um when you come into reading the Bible for yourself instead of just going to church, I know going to church was something we had to do. And uh it was the safest thing for us. It was actually another like extracurricular activity during the week. Either you go to school or you go to church, and you went to church five times, uh, just to stay off the streets, kind of a thing. And so uh like I think I maybe mentioned this before, I didn't realize that God was a father until I was 30. And when I realized that God was a father, he wasn't this deity anymore. He wasn't this far-off space creature, Zeus-looking figure with the staff and rod. Uh, he was he was just a father. And when Jesus recognizes him, states him um as a father, um that's when it became real for me. And that's when I wanted to read the Bible. So I'm like, oh, okay, this is different. I was 30. I'm 39 now. That wasn't that long ago. Uh been in church all my life, uh, but never was able to read the read the Bible from a personal view. It was always a religious, kind of spiritual view. And it is just what Christians do. And uh when I started to read the Bible from that perspective, as I'm reading about my father, I'm I I come upon a story that I'm really reading a story about a king, his son, and this kingdom thing he's talking about. It's it's a family business. And so uh as an even entrepreneur uh and father now myself, um I try to inspire young men anytime they ask me, uh, especially any of the mentees that I have, ask me, you know, what book should I read? I always say start with Proverbs. Because Proverbs talks right at you, and it kind of gears you up to learn how to understand what you're about to read. Um it's it's a little bit more tangible, the parables, the metaphors. Uh it even talks about like wealth and like how to treat people. And hey, keep your word here. It's like practical stuff. And then when you read the Bible, uh you can start to have more, uh, I say it helps better with wisdom and with understanding it. Uh, but the Bible becomes to me more and more uh alive as I'm not an everyday Bible reader, but I lie. I am now. I get my closet every morning. Uh you get older, things just change. Y'all know what I'm talking about. Especially when you hear closer to 40, you're like, hey, you know, every 5 a.m., you know, every morning. So things have changed. But growing up, even right now, a lot of guys who are having hard times reading the Bible. Um, I'm I'm I'm I often share with them, uh, learn how to find yourself in the Bible too, as well. Uh, I believe at some point we're all a Daniel, at some point we're all a Joseph. Uh, I've been I've had a Joseph season where it's like, man, I am be accused, I've been ostracized, I've been exiled. Uh, and in some moments we're Jesus. And um, I don't know a lot of scriptures, but the ones that do stick out to me is one uh where Jesus says, hey, if they did this to me, if they if they ridiculed me, if they they talked about me, if they if they stoned me, you don't think they're gonna do it to you. But take heart, for I have overcome that too, as well. Uh, so the ability to not only recognize that when I'm reading God's word, I'm reading my father's words. Yeah, uh, I've I've only heard my natural father speak a couple times, uh, but I'm able to read about my heavenly spiritual father all the time and how he treated and how he wanted us to love, and how his son was a representative of the business who says, Hey, this is how you run the franchise. You guys are running your stores all differently. Uh, that's how that's literally how how I hear it. And uh, you know, the Bible's is pretty much our manual for our own personal lives in the store that tends to grow as business grows. Uh, that tends to change as business change. And um uh even now, like I'll read the same scripture and it doesn't, it hits differently. It it sticks differently now, it has a whole different meaning to it. Same verse, different story, different time of my my life. And so I I try to uh encourage you know young men without fathers that one, like, hey, if you haven't had a personal relationship with your earthly dad or father, uh there's a whole nother father that uh that you need to know about and he wants to know more about you through through the word. And um this is a way to to learn that because when God becomes a father to a man rather than a God, there's now a relationship established. Soon as I find out that God was a father, I said, Oh, I I know what this is, and I don't know what this is, but it's something I need. And it changed my entire perspective. And so uh that's why I would probably encourage the young men out there who who are fatherless or looking for that figure, and then hang around other men like all the men on this podcast right here who are in their word or who I love having friends who are uh theologians, uh, like one of my mentees, his name is Franco. He's from Odessa. He's 19, but he's like he's like the 4.0 of me. I mean, just intelligent. He's actually my personal tech integrator. Uh, but he's he's not even a Christian, but he he's he's watched my life through where I've been able to show him, bring him into my world that he has all these Bible questions now. And I'm like, bro, I don't know that well. But here's my friend Chesley, or here's my friend over here, and now he's connecting with other men who may have a different insight. So now he's building a relationship. Now he's knowing more about God, now he's more interested in the word through technology and media now. Didn't even know it hit him, you know, but just that yearning for that. So I love how um uh different ways for young men to get plugged in, and that's to be around other men like us, uh, who take our lives and our families seriously, uh, but also take um the love and kindness of God uh serious enough to share it uh with the next generation and with even older men who never got that experience too, as well.

SPEAKER_05 34:23

Yeah, that when you talk about like the daily discipline of reading like your 5A, like your second, the second time you get up to P and then you read the the that is that's what I mean by like the framework of um builds the framework so that when you walk around and have experiences in the day, that is then like illuminated. No, you didn't know you needed it, you memorized it, or you read it and then you read it again three months later, and then you read it again nine months later, and it's just okay. Well, now that experience means a lot more once once it ties into the life living. Oh, okay, well, this is what that scripture becomes illuminated. But if you didn't read it, there was no wires for the power to be run, there was no light to come on. So putting the information in there is not just a meaningless task, it's the way he communicates with us on a day-to-day basis. He just needs experiences to do it too, you know, like to be able to illuminate it for us. The the other thing came to mind real quick. Donald Miller wrote another, wrote a book. He's one of my he's alive, he's one of my homies, but he's he's a living homie. He is he wrote a book called Scary Close. Um, and it's a lot of his fatherlessness deal. He he grew up without a dad. One of the, I don't know that this is even in the book, but he goes through um the message translation. It ties a lot of things together. What you said, message translation. Uh, the message translation, he goes through um the Lord's prayer with that. And right before, if you ever if you haven't ever read it, go read Matthew 6 in the message translation. It illuminates that so good. But it says, There are prayer warriors who are prayer ignorant, peddling techniques for how to get what they want from God. And Jesus says, Don't pray like that. God doesn't sit in a box seat, he's not gonna be entertained by your many words. He says, instead, this is your father you're dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. So pray like this. So when you said, what was that phrase, the last phrase you said, Antoine, where you said, um, it's some it's what I didn't have, but what I also knew I wanted. How did you phrase that? Yeah, that was that was that's that's it. It's like when Donald Miller read that, he goes, Okay, deal that this is your father you're dealing with. He's like, I don't even know what one of those is. I know it's a thing I want, but how do I interact with father? So that made him start to chase after what is the definition of a father, what is and to start to get it from scripture, you know, to some degree.

SPEAKER_01 37:00

I realize I'm only going to be able to ask maybe three questions of the the 10 that I got. And so I'm like literally processing how to add a bunch of value to anybody. And I'm I'm thinking through this idea, okay. I am I'm born again, you know, that's the dude that we're talking to, someone that's come to know Jesus, they're wanting to be the dad, the man, the husband, that they have no role model. If you look across our society, it's hard to find people to emulate because there's so much uh dirty emulation, I'm not even gonna be able to say the word, there's so much dirtiness and filth inside of our society. And so finding something authentic and real that reflects the Imago Day is extremely challenging. And so when we think about the lies that we believe that keep us from spending time in God's word, that's where I want to be at right now because I'm thinking about a dude who wants to read God's word, but they they're believing a lie that actually keeps them from pursuing God's word. Can you think of any lies that you've believed or common lies you've seen people believe that prevent them from renewing their minds and downloading new software onto their hard drive?

SPEAKER_04 38:21

The old guy gets me, man. I when I was in Texas, two of my mentors they were like, Oh, you should come play golf with us. We play like uh, you know, once once a month or so. Man, they called me twice a week and like, yeah, play all the time. And so I went and got a set of used clubs and started taking lessons. And I so I went and and this guy told me he's like, dude, your swing is terrible. We need to we need to fix stuff. And so he had me do this drill where I just like locked my arms straight, and I'm basically only using my it feels so weird and unorthodox. And I'm hitting, smashing these drives 250, 270 yards. I'm I'm chipping consistently. I'm like, what is going? And so I I hit a couple shots. He would have me swing with no ball there. I'd put the two shooting sticks over and over and over again, and I'd have to get three perfect ones before I and then he'd put a ball down. And every time I screwed something up, he had this line. He went, That's the old guy. That's the old guy. You're going back to this old pattern. And man, that's the thing that would always get me. And so now it's like I'm I'm building these, I'm I'm rewiring. You you rewire these patterns in your mind of now, now when a moment comes of something happens and I respond in a way that I didn't want to with my wife, I respond in a way I didn't want to with my kids. Now all of a sudden, rather than the self-talk of that's just who you are, now it's like, no, that's just the old guy. And the only thing that makes that true, that the old guy is who I am now, is when I entertain the thought that that's still true. Dallas Willard says, he says, We believe in Jesus, but we don't believe Jesus. I believe he's my Lord and Savior, but I don't actually believe that I'm made new, and the invitation to be perfect as my heavenly father is perfect. That I can be a man that doesn't have anger, that I can be a man that doesn't live in lust, that my mind can be rewired in the training that he has put me in, that I can be a man fit to live inside the walls of that kingdom now. Like that's what's available. And so for me, it's like that that is the biggest thing that I he's teaching me right now is just rewiring and noticing the moment. Like when it happens, you're not beating yourself with a club, like this is just how I am. It's like, no, you recognize the pattern and you calmly go back to what is true, what is noble, what is pure, what is lovely, what is admirable. The enemy is excellent and praiseworthy. Think about those things. Like, if we can keep our mind there, you're indestructible. It's what Paul says in Philippians 4. It's he's he's in prison and it's his happiest letter. He's the dude's just happy. And he says, I tell you, rejoice. I say it again, rejoice. Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Don't be anxious about anything, but in everything, prayer and petition with thanksgiving. Present your request to God, and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your heart and mind. And then whatever's pure, whatever's lovely. And then we we always quote the thing like fighters have it tattooed. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. He says, right before that, I can I've learned that the secret to being content in any circumstances. If I have a lot, if I have a little, he's like, I've trained this, I've strike a blow to my body, I make it my slave, I get my mind in line with what's actually true. I train this now. We have that ability. I have the ability to train this thing where it's not fighting my spirit, but it's working with me. Yeah. But the old guy doesn't like that. And so the swing feels awkward, but it works. And eventually it doesn't feel awkward anymore.

SPEAKER_06 42:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 42:13

I still suck at golf, by the way.

SPEAKER_05 42:15

So we were we renew our minds by those things, telling ourselves different stories, simple, memorable, repeatable phrases. How many times have you told yourself in the middle of doing something, that's the old guy? That's the old guy, that's the old guy. How many times do I go into my house and you know the kids put stuff down and they kick their shoes off and I say, Hey, don't put it down, put it away. And I tell myself this all the time. I just said, Don't put it down, put it away. You know, and eventually you become you but you live into that habit and it doesn't feel awkward anymore, right?

SPEAKER_03 42:45

That's what I'm as we're talking, man. I'm thinking of uh of that song, man, where it says, How can a man cleanse, how can a young man cleanse his ways, right? By taking heed to uh according to your word, by taking heed. But I think of like God's word, man, just being able to it's a cleanser. I mean, it it just like you said, man, when when when I'm when the old man wants to resurrect, he's always there in my life, man. Like when I'm faced with certain situations, but your word I have hidden in my heart, Lord, that I might not sin against you. So it's just being, I think it's not something that you turn on or off, you know. I think it's something that is it that that's embedded in you, you know. When you're in God's word, I it just it happens naturally, you know. I mean, I wish we could sit here and explain to people, man. How are you gonna apply God's word to your life? You're gonna see, man, like as you're in God's word, it just comes out, man. It just comes out naturally. I love that example, man. The the the Lord Himself, against Satan himself, man, he used scripture, you know, and I think when that old man wants to resurrect in my life, I It's just a trip how that happens. All of a sudden, you're just scripture starts coming to you. Oh man, I'm not even in the book of Malachi right now. But it's just the Lord just brings to remembrance, right? All these scriptures. But I think um God's word, man, it's it's a cleanser. It just that's what it does. So I think um we battle when that old man wants to resurrect, you know. Um, and for those of you, oh those of you that don't understand, it's like it's your old habits, your old ways, you know, when when when when you when the real when you want to come out the the way you used to be, you know, even though you don't want to be that way anymore, you know, you're gonna you're gonna find, I mean, as you read the word, you know, study the life of Paul. You're gonna see, man, he he had he had some baggage, and I'm pretty sure all that stuff wanted to resurrect, but he had to discipline himself. He had a discipline. So to me, it's it's a discipline. I think you guys would all agree, you know, being in God's word is it's a discipline, but it's very needed, man. I know the devil will do anything he can personally to keep me from my own personal time, you know. If I'm getting into God's word, I mean think about it. Every time you're like, all right, right here, it's going down right now, Lord. I'm gonna lock in. All of a sudden, all these distractions. I don't know if it happens to you guys. Maybe I need to get up at five in the morning, like Antoine, you know, and get after it when everybody's asleep. It works, bro. It does. I'm telling you, I need to set that alarm, man. 4 30. Let's go.

SPEAKER_00 45:48

Well, when we're talking about lies, that I think the most uh insidious lies are the ones about your identity, the lie that tells you that you are someone you're not, or that you are the old man, the the one that you were trying to change, and so and the the lie that says you can't change. That is who you are. The the anchor that we get in scripture is it keeps bringing us back to who we are becoming. It's a transformation of identity. The the other lie that that really hits us is about who God is. The danger of idolatry is the devil is is switching out God with a lie about who God is and putting the this golden calf in front of us and putting this this image in front of us, whether it's money, porn, or or self, that that idol of who God is. When we see ourselves as God and that replaces God, then uh that that old man who we are, God lets us down. And that's the setup, that's the lie that, oh, this is God, and then that God lets us down. And sometimes we even get those lies in church, right? We we get a twisted version of God. You know, Peter warns about taking scripture, and he points particularly to Paul's letters and says, Hey, some of them are confusing, and somebody, watch out, might confuse you, twist it, and give you a false version of God or a false version of self that sets you up for failure. What you get in scripture that's so incredible, if you think about it, is really what we missed. You know, even we didn't get from our dads, we all have some sense of what we missed from our dads. What we really wanted from our dads was a dad who would tell us who we are, and that we would see in that that we are a reflection of who he is. What we our heart longs for is a dad who can be a hero to us, who is somebody we could look up to. And as a hero, we could see, I want to be like dad, a dad who would tell us and guide us to who we could be and following him. But look when we get in scripture. Scripture is a revelation of God. God reveals himself through his word. 1 Samuel 3:21. God reveals himself through his word. What does he reveal? We find a father first, a father who we get to know his character and he is good, he is righteous, he is compassionate, he is forgiving. We we get the the revelation of this father who cares. And and and like Antoine said, that that that little flip of a switch, that light bulb moment when we see that God is a father and he's a good father, the one we miss, the one we long for. But he didn't just leave it there. We get a revelation of God, the Son. Jesus shows up and actually shows us in person, in humanity, how to live it out. And we read Jesus' story, like that's what it looks like when somebody actually lives it, when somebody actually loves and is forgiving and brings compassion. And he even he even treats the sinners well. He he loves, he's like, he he shows up in the and in the sinner's den and and shows love and compassion without becoming the sinner. Like, oh, that's what it what the father's character looks like in the flesh and lives it out. But we're still missing this piece that says, Well, I'm not that. How do I do that? That's where the Holy Spirit comes in. The Holy Spirit steps in and empowers us to live it out, and we see us ourselves reflecting his personality. Well, that is a reset to what we were made to be from the foundations of humanity. We are created in his image as a reflection of God, dying to the old self, which was a lie, which was a a lesser, it's a the idolatrous, broken self. That identity is so broken and and is shamed. It's a a reset. We are renewed, made new again, recreated, Colossians 3:11, recreated in the image of our creator, what we were meant to be from the beginning. Jesus died so that our old self could die, put that guy to death. He was raised again. So we say, Oh, he's got power to raise the dead. Well, that works for me because I need that. My the I'm so bad at it, like, just let that die. He raises us with him, and we're renewed. And the Holy Spirit is the part of God that's there with us. Like, oh, I actually have the power to do this thing, to live this life, to be the dad I didn't get, to be that dad that my kid can look up to. And and I get to be the hero in this story. You are a hero to your kids from day one. All you it's it's yours to lose, but your kids will look up and the Holy Spirit gives you power to actually live that out and be that that hero and to to walk in that that humility. And every time we the the church, whatever church experience lies to you, whatever childhood experience lies to you about who you are, you'll get the word as an anchor to remind you you are a son of the king, you are being recreated in his image. You are loved, you are valued, you have an identity in him that cannot, that is written in a book in heaven that Satan can't touch. And you have a father who says, I'm proud of you, I'm proud of the man that you're becoming. And you get that through the scripture. That's the life that comes to you.

SPEAKER_01 51:18

Do you have an incredible story of overcoming the home that you were raised in? Or maybe the father wounds that were placed inside your life? If so, I want to share it with other dudes without dads. Simply go to dudeswithout dadspodcast.com and apply to be a guest on the show. The reason it's important to share your story is because when you share what God has done for you, it helps other men believe that God can do it for them, and he can. To share your story, head over to Dudes Without Dads Podcast today. I've got time for one more question, but I want to segue. I want to segue. So Matthew 3.17 says, you know, it's Jesus' baptism and the you know, father speaks from you know from the clouds and falls down the Holy Spirit and says, This is my son, whom I'm loved and well pleased. For dudes who grew up without a father, that is the language in which we we believe that we're not loved, we're not valued, and nobody's really pleased with us. And when you're adopted into the family of God, the bestow of being his son, you have to start speaking this over top of your life that uh you are loved, you're valued, and your father is well pleased because you are now a new creature in Christ. When I think about the lies that dudes believe that keep them from spending time with scripture, I think about all the dudes that we've looked up to that are pastors, that are teachers, and we made them our disciplers, where we end up putting them on a pedestal and you see them fall over time. I'm we're not dropping any names, but I know for me, because I never had a father, I'm always looking for the image of a father, and I find that in a pastor or a teacher, and then you see them make grievous decisions that don't align with scripture, and then you assume, see, Jesus don't work. And the problem or the lie that keeps us from spending time in scripture would be this Jesus isn't real because this dude fell, or this guy isn't is you know, is taking advantage or doing X, Y, and Z. I think we have to be discipled by Jesus, not necessarily being discipled by somebody other than Jesus, because people are just people and they cannot keep up with the facade or whatever belief or whatever value we oppose them to. Does anything that I say do you recognize the tension in which I'm sharing? Oftentimes we look up to people, they fall, and that might keep us away from spending time with God because we were discipled by that denomination, we were discipled by that pastor, we were discipled by that teacher, and not really being discipled by Jesus by spending time with Jesus. Does that make any sense?

SPEAKER_05 54:16

Yes. I think that it make it makes sense how you would arrive at those things. And I think the when you said put in a pedestal, to me, that goes, okay, yeah. Like when I when I if I spend time with you, Joshua, I expect you to be an idiot at times. I expect you to be like Christ at times. I have the expectation already set that this is not perfect Josh. The problem we get is we start to idolize that thing. And now when it's broke, it's an idol. Christ isn't the idol. It's you're putting an idol above him. You're now worshiping the image of that man as opposed to going and seeing the good thing in that man and going, that was Jesus, praise God. You know, like any anything good that comes out of me, if I talk and it's compelling and it's a good thing, that's Jesus, praise God. If it was bad, it was it was me, it was my flesh. You know, it was and that though you're gonna get both of those things at some point. If you spend any amount of time with me for amount, you know, you're gonna get both of those interactions at some point. Um, so yeah, I think I think a lot of people um idolize, put on a pedestal, and you start to kind of worship that guy. And if you do, uh it's down, it's bound to be ripped from you. And when it does, uh what you worship is not real, then at that point. Okay, well, not it wasn't real because that's not real. No, that's not true. You were just worshiping something that was you know incomplete.

SPEAKER_04 55:46

Well, you booked it like this, then you got time to figure out if they're full of crap. These are both written in the 1800s, and all their dirt would have come out by now. So three books by dead guys.

SPEAKER_02 56:05

I love what you were saying there uh about how men worship other men or idolize them. That's built into of us all. Um, we don't know that that's only supposed to go to the Heavenly Father. And I watch, and if you watch closely, anytime Jesus, anytime people would say that, hey, you're this, are you this other God, or hey, who did this? He would always go, not me, but my father. He would always like like him, that guy. Like, don't worry. Literally, he said, I come to serve, not to be served. I didn't come to be worshiped. We I come to tell you where to where to worship, and we naturally do that. I I know I did when I have I probably there's probably about 30 men sitting here, uh of years of mentorship, and uh I've I've seen some of them almost as perfect, and then I've seen some of them literally fall from what we would call grace or like, oh, you're not Superman as I thought you were Superman, you know, and but that became hey, every man, like we're not perfect, we're there that we're gonna fail, we're gonna, you know, and so when I started to grasp that, that lets me know like Father, only and Jesus says this, he says, only one is good. He says, only the father is good. That thank you, Holy Spirit, for reminding me of that. He says only the father, the heavenly father is good. And uh, if I can say that to any young man out there, is is fine men that you can trust, who can mentor you, who can who you who can show you how to whether it's raise a family or start a business or or or love and lead like Christ, but don't worship them. Don't think that they can't mess up or fail, because we all fail. We're all sinners talking to you right now. Uh, but there is one who is good. And so that's why I would tell most most you know young men who are uh who get the opportunity to meet somebody like us, because I would say, guys, we're rare. Like there's not too many guys out here really trying to live a better life, really trying to follow God's way. And uh it is hard for them to find um men like us who are trying to do the best we can instead of being out in gangs or worshiping the business or anything like that. There are men who are really uh longing for a father. They they're then they don't know it. It goes in different forms, but uh just uh I would just encourage them to hey we're all uh simple, we're all not perfect, but there is one that is who is perfect, and as long as we can help point you towards that that father uh and and and the good one, then they'll do all right.

SPEAKER_05 58:49

So yeah. Yeah, you talked about it being like built into you, it's designed into us. And I went for 10 years into companies that were falling apart or people that were falling apart and trying to find out some mechanism for how to solve culture and implement a strong culture, and ultimately what I ended up arriving at is these two laws of culture. And the first law of culture is and it's a law like gravity. I mean, you can argue that gravity doesn't exist, but I bet you won't jump off the top of that building. You know, like uh it's it's real, it's gonna happen. You're gonna hit the ground. And the law is people follow people. We look for people that we respect and admire. It's designed in us to be this way. We look for people we respect and admire, and we model our behavior after them. So, I mean, it's just consistent every time. You don't get a culture based on policies or these sorts of things, you get it based on how you're behaving and what people are modeling after you or whatever. Um, and then just going, all right, well, who am I modeling it after? Well, if you look for you look for the scriptures, you look for Christ and you look in people, you're gonna find that in men. It's natural for us to go to the interactions, physical interactions we have with men on a daily basis and be discipled by those men and to kind of form our behavior after them, and also measuring that against Christ and finding areas in there where you're going, uh, I don't think this is totally lining up, and then pushing back on yourself. That's part of the development, the growth, and and ironically, faithfully is how he brings it about justice. It's a it's a it's a day-by-day thing. This isn't like a oh yeah, I'm gonna read this scripture now. I'm gonna give a renewed mind. It's a day-by-day interaction.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:34

Gentlemen, we have got to land the plane. And what I want to do is um I have, I mean, we all have, I wanted to get to a spot where we can all share. Um, in maybe 90 seconds, 60 seconds. Can everyone go around and just share what your practices are as it relates to spending time with Jesus? Because that's for me would be the goal of this podcast, is that as a result of some dude listening to it or seeing it online would say, I need to learn how to set up a rhythm. I remember the first time a friend of mine named Dale Schaefer showed me how he block scheduled and planned out his week. I'd never seen it before. I'm like, dude, you are creating white space just so you can spend time with God where you can start thinking like I've never seen it. So if someone is trying to see what it looks like for somebody to spend time with Jesus, would you mind sharing? And I know we've got you know, Brother Lawrence, he's dead. I know Kurt, you know, Big Pond is going to be.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:35

I was just about to bring up Brother Lawrence and Oswald Chambers, dude. You read my mind. All right, go ahead. Because Oswald Chambers, Oswald Chambers said he makes fun of us for our devotional time. He said, You Christians and your little Christian habits. He's a Christian, obviously, but he said your little Christian habits, and it got me because I if I didn't wake up at 4 30, it's like, oh, the day is lost. And I was like, it was my little Christian habit, and then I'd leave Jesus in the chair. But then we take our but then we take a RV trip around the country, and my whole life, my whole rhythm is thrown into well, what am I gonna leave Jesus back in North Beach? Like, no, I gotta bring him with me. And that's where Brother Lawrence comes in. He's like, No, I bring him into the kitchen. He's with like when you get to the read brother Lawrence practicing the presence of God and listen to how that little crazy dead monk chef dude used to just carry Jesus with him all day long, and what came out of this this small life, and then the millions of lives that it impacted after he died because he learned to walk with them and not leave them in a little corner. And so, yes, the little corner builds the habit, but it's the means, not the end. So, yeah, those are the two dead guys. Thanks for bringing up brother Lord. That's your 60 seconds. That's your 60 seconds.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:54

That's your 60 seconds. I gotta verse, man, that I really, really love and I do my best to try to make it a pillar in my life. You know, there were in Galatians 2.20 where it says, I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me and the life which I now live in the flesh. I live by faith in the Son of God who loved me and gave himself for me, you know. So it's just for me, it's just that every day, man, you gotta crucify this flesh every day because we are. Big pun said it big pun or big pun. He said it's a big pun, it's a good dad just it's like I don't leave Christ at home. Okay, I had my devotion time here, you know, and that's it. No, man, we we walk about it, right? We say that all the time, man. We walk about it, and for me, that really that really helped me out a lot, man. Just knowing, like, okay, it's no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So just being conscious of that all day long, you know. Uh, whatever the day may bring, because we don't know. My phone has about 50 calls right now. But all right, here we go.

SPEAKER_05 1:04:18

Dinner, dinner time is kind of sacred for us if we're with uh our kids. That's the one like I I don't even have, I don't wake up at 4:30 and have like a I read a certain type of scripture from 4 30 to 5 30. I have blocks at different times during different parts of my day, and I carry my Bible in my truck with me. And a lot of times, you know, uh if I'm at a doctor's appointment or something like that, I'll pop in and read stuff that I know we're gonna read at Bible study later. My my life is not necessarily very like regimented, especially not the last season of my life where I've been building houses because I never know if I'm gonna be there at eight o'clock at night or 4 30 in the morning. My schedule is a little jacked. But uh there's a there's a sacred time at dinner with us where I get to do it with the kids, I get to do it with Lindsay, and I talk about what I prayed for for the day. We get to pray together as a family. They'll talk about what was good and bad, and we'll pray immediately about that thing, real quick prayers. I mean, like 10, 15 prayers happen in the course of a meal, kind of thing, as opposed to making it like we're gonna pray for the meal and then we're gonna eat, and then you know, Rand will be like, I had a bad day because so and so wasn't a friend. Let's let's pray for her and her family. She's obviously going through something, you know what I mean? She's in kindergarten. Uh so making it a making it more of a routine thing that when you're in this situation, what you do is you talk out loud to God. Um, that's that's probably my biggest rhythm is talking out loud. And um I do it in my truck while I'm by myself. I just talk out loud. Which fe it's feels super stupid for the first six months you do it. Single time. It takes like two or three minutes to be like, I'm just talking to myself about that. I'll do it. But it becomes a rhythm, and now that time for me is sacred.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:11

Gotcha. I'll go, I'll go next and I'll let our guest Chris have the last word on this one. Um, I I'm reminded by um just the blessing I get as a father every morning, especially if I'm I'm in town, my kids will come and find me.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:30

That's good.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:31

Every morning, my kids will come and find me. I have a little office set up in my closet. I mean, closet is probably like a six by eight or something like that, very small. Walk in. Um have a little get in there every morning about 5 a.m., 6 a.m. Get a little knock at the door. They will come and find me. So just go and find your father. First thing you do when you wake up. Uh I had my assistant put together a physical way for me to even uh to to be disciplined in that. And I can share this later, but might not be able to see that. But that's that's my work week where that white space you guys were talking about from 5 a.m. to about 8 a.m. is just meditation, even if I'm just sitting there. It's just me looking crazy. Uh brain is turning on. Uh, and then um, but that's meant to just allow that room to happen, even if it's just space. Uh, and then a good friend of mine named Joshua gave me this book a couple weeks ago that I've implemented into that. Uh, it's just the first hour, Unleash God's power. Thanks, Josh, for this book, man. That I just incorporated into that. And so, yeah, just being intentional uh and then finding ways to find your father as early as you can.

unknown 1:07:55

Thank you.

SPEAKER_05 1:07:56

There was there's actually this is one of the one of the rules that I use.

SPEAKER_04 1:08:00

Hey, you already had your 60 seconds. I know.

SPEAKER_05 1:08:02

Oh, I gotta chill. How are you doing? But one of the one of the rules, and it's a big deal because a lot of people are not gonna just go and invent a new discipline and stick with it. But one of the rules that we had for people whenever they were um recovering from sex addictions and stuff was you just gotta get a win. You gotta be able to feel the nudge to the pressure, the anxiety, and that you're gonna succumb to it and then not. And now you've proven to yourself you can win, right? Okay, so that we we did that with me and my wife. We wanted to sit down and wanted the kids to see us read together and things like that. So we would our rule was we have to get up before the kids and we have to have the Bible open. If we don't read it, even if we don't read it, if we sit there and look at each other and wipe the you know, sleep out of our eyes, even if it's on the table and the kids come down and they see us with the Bibles open on the table, that's a win. Yes. I was like, we just got to get a win. What happens when you build on a win is it starts to develop into a rhythm and a habit, and now that that that becomes something that you can win at.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:08

Angry birds, let's go.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:11

Sort Curtis. Life is a big thing, and and there's so much to it. I think the mistake you don't want to make is to try to fix everything all at once, yeah, right? Okay, New Year's resolution. This year, I'm gonna fix everything. Well, you're gonna fix nothing because it's that's too much. And life comes at you like you know, it's like whitewater rapids, man. You and it just hits, especially if you got kids, you're trying to be a dad, and it just takes you away. So that that one habit, you gotta have that one thing that is an anchor, right? Anchor first, get your grounding. So that's why for when you're talking about early and morning, yeah, that's a that's a good time for an anchor in love, but it doesn't have to be that. I I made the mistake when I was a young pastor of trying to give all the habits. You need to pray more, you need to to to read more, you need to to go serve more, you need to spend more time with your kids, more and more, more. And and I realized I would give that spiel. I'm like, I can't do all those things. So I I flip back. So so the heart of my ministry, what I do now, I want to give you one habit that grounds you in the word with God, 10 minutes. Give me 10 minutes, and I make an audio so that it can fit with another habit. Because you got habits you already have. Life consists of habits. Like your whole life, if you look at the last week, it's gonna be daily habits, weekly habits, yearly habits. Life is habits. So, so yeah, little Christian habits, yes. Don't don't make them just checking the the the boxes, but when you make them real, so so the heart of through the word for me, this is my ministry, is trying to give away what God gave to me, a little habit for me. When I I was trying to fix my, I got saved at about 21 years old, brand new dad, brand new everything, had a new career, and everything was new. Trying to, I was overwhelmed. Well, the one place God could meet me every day was in my car. I had a long commute, and so I in my car I turned on for me, it was Christian radio at the time, and I was just getting like on the way. I'm my brain was too full, my life was too full to make new things, but multitasking I could do while I'm driving. So, uh, so I'm trying to pay that forward. Through the word, we'll give you 10 minutes to walk you through one chapter of the Bible, and we'll walk you through it, give you the heart, reveal God for you, reveal who you are, and and just give you the heart of that chapter. We'll give it away for free. We got we got we just hit a million subscribers, but it's it's a one chapter. Give me 10 minutes to to sit with you and walk you through that. And you got time and you don't have time your day for one more habit, do it while you're brushing your teeth, do it while you're walking your dog, while you're getting your exercise, while you're driving your kids to school, so they're getting that same habit while you're making brides. Give me one of those things, and let's walk through one chapter, that anchor point. You get an anchor where each day renewing your mind, where God can speak into who he is and who you are in him, and just get a little bit and then let those habits start spreading through your life as it changes your your view of who you are. That's gonna change everything. That's gonna that when you realize that who God is and who you are, and walk that into your day, transforms the whole thing. I know who I am now. I I am not a slave to sin. I am not ashamed of who I am. I know I'm a son of the king, I know I am dad, I know what it means to be dad because I've seen it modeled now by the the perfect dad. That's gonna transform everything about how I go through my day. I get hit with temptation, I get hit with with stress, heartache, what like I get hit with opportunity to take the easy way on this, want to just lie my way through this and that, and I remember no, I know who I am today. I don't need to lie, I'm gonna take the hard way, but it doesn't matter because it's just who I am. So I'm just gonna do the right thing because it's who I am, because I saw it modeled for me when I read Jesus' story this morning. I saw I I I I was reminded that I'm empowered by the Holy Spirit who just showed up and and hit me with a little conviction. No, I'm not gonna do that. I'm a son of the king and I don't do things that way. No, I'm not gonna take the easy way with my kid, I'm gonna walk them through it because that's what my father would do. So I'm gonna help them through this situation right now. That little anchor could stop the the rapids of the day, get me on back on shore and just walking with my father today. You got another 60 seconds, Cody?

SPEAKER_05 1:13:37

Of course. Yeah, can I get one? I got I got 60 more minutes with ghosts. I don't know why we cut it off in an hour and 15. I talked about this all day.

SPEAKER_04 1:13:47

All right, I'm fifty, I'm 15 minutes late for a meeting though now, so I think we should pray.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:51

Let me land the plane real quick. And I love you guys. Uh, when I first got saved, I stopped listening to secular music, sold all my CDs, my four tens, four mids, alpine, eq, and I started listening to Bible Broadcasting Network. So it's Jay Vernon McGee and every single radio preacher. And I fell in love with God's word, his teachers. And so here's the deal: if you're a dude without a dad and you're trying to become the dad you never had, you got to ultimately surrender everything over to the lordship of Yeshua, of the kingdom and the righteousness of God. And so I would encourage you to say no to the world, say yes to his word, and start just breathing in and spending time with with him and in his word and with his people. There is no better discipleship app than through the word. For the past two years, I've been on through the word, and I've not experienced anything any better for discipling another person in another city than through the word. So if you've got a friend, check it out, invite him to go through it with you. Thank you, guys, for being a guest. I'm sorry for going over the time. I'll see you in the future. Peace. See ya. Love you guys.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:03

Forgiveness is more for you than that. I had inner peace for the first time in my life.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:09

It's just Jesus. Just Jesus.