Why Most Men Don’t Pray (And What It’s Costing Us) | Ralph Moore

Most men don’t struggle with discipline.

They struggle with prayer.

In this episode of Dudes Without Dads, Joshua sits down with pastor and church planter Ralph Moore to talk about why prayer feels forced, awkward, or unnecessary for many men — and what it’s quietly costing us in our marriages, leadership, identity, and fatherhood.

If you grew up without a father, you probably learned how to survive.

But you may have never learned how to pray.

This conversation unpacks:

• Why prayer isn’t begging — it’s agreement
• The missing ingredient in most men’s spiritual lives
• How performance and control block intimacy with God
• Real stories of answered prayer and divine appointments
• Whether speaking in tongues is biblical — and what it actually means
• Why what you manufacture, you have to maintain

Ralph shares stories from decades of ministry, including moments of healing, calling, and surrender — and how prayer shaped his life from childhood.

This isn’t about religious performance.

It’s about relationship.

If you’re trying harder but still feel disconnected…
 Prayer may be the thing you’ve been missing.

Who This Episode Is For:

• Men who feel spiritually numb
• Fathers who want to lead but feel overwhelmed
• Men struggling with father wounds
• Christian men who don’t know how to pray
• Leaders trying to manufacture outcomes
• Anyone asking: “Why doesn’t God answer me?”

Questions This Episode Answers:

• Why don’t most men pray?
• What is prayer according to the Bible?
• Is prayer about saying the right words?
• What does it mean that prayer is agreement?
• How do I pray if I didn’t grow up in church?
• Is speaking in tongues biblical?
• Can prayer actually change things?

About Ralph Moore

Ralph Moore has spent decades planting churches around the world and mentoring leaders. His perspective on prayer comes not from theory — but from lived experience, answered prayers, and surrendered leadership.

Key Takeaway

If you have to force it… it’s probably not prayer.

Prayer is not control.

It’s surrender.

And for fatherless men trying to carry everything alone, that changes everything.

Keywords:

prayer for men
 why men don’t pray
 how to pray as a man
 Christian men and prayer
 father wounds and faith
 speaking in tongues explained
 answered prayer stories
 spiritual formation for men
 biblical prayer teaching
 men’s discipleship podcast

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

You're not forcing the moments. You're paying attention. Prayer is simply agreement. God putting something up here and then us obeying and speaking. And he came in and said, First Peter, how's your wife? He said, God's a healer. She slept great. Like, come on, man. Third day he comes in the mission center. First Peter, how's she doing? And he kind of looked at me, he's like, Why are you asking me still? I told you she's healed.

SPEAKER_03 0:23

She said, My mother died in a car wreck. I showed up at the hospital in Tennessee to identify her body. She said, I took my bottle of oil and I prayed over her in the name of Jesus and she came back to life. Welcome to Dudes Without Dads, the show that trains men how to become the dads they never had. And so today we want to add a lot of value to your life. We're going to discuss this issue of prayer, which I believe is a massive um conversation as it relates to spiritual formation inside of our lives. And so we're going to start off by just asking a simple question to all of our guys. We've got Ralph Moore and Curtis Honeycutt, my man Antoine here today. And I want to just ask you guys have you ever prayed a prayer that God answered and you're kind of blown away with even today, where you're you literally it brings you in tears when you start thinking about certain prayers that God has answered in your life. If so, I'd love for you to share it with us and with those that are listening.

SPEAKER_02 1:37

Well, let me start. I have two prayers. Um I really kind of met Jesus when I was five years old. And by the time I was about six, my our whole family and my mom and dad looked like they were going to get a divorce over my dad converting and my mom hating it. And a few months later she was teaching Sunday school. Um, but my sister got polio. And I remember us gathering around and laying hands on her, and it stopped. And she still has it's kind of like Jacob in his hip. She still has one leg a little smaller than the other, doesn't impinge on her walking, which is an evidence that hey, this is what God did in your life. But when I was about 14, and I I tell a story a lot, because this is cornerstone, right? Uh I uh I met Psalm 37. I had I had been uh walking down the street and I see a guy from our church, it was a Sunday afternoon, he was probably 19, I was about 14, and he had a 1952 MGTD, which most of you don't know what that is, but it's a British sports car, and it was kind of raggedy. I prayed, God make John Myers keep that car until I'm old enough to buy it. And somewhere within a couple of weeks, uh, we had this little devotional thing we did in youth group, and I ran into Psalm 37, and to me, verse five said, Delight yourself in the Lord, and he'll give you the MG of your heart. And I I prayed that prayer, I prayed for that car probably every day. I read Psalm 37 most days of my life. I've read Psalm 37 and uh the whole chapter because there's a lot of promise in that chapter, but um uh about five years later, uh, or maybe four, uh John shows up with a new car, and I was devastated. And then I found out that he had heard that I'd been praying about this, and that car was sitting up on blocks in his mother's garage waiting for me to buy it. And that's actually as a young adult, that's what made me tip over and say yes, because I already knew I was called to be a pastor for since I was about six, and I hated the idea, but the car deal pushed me over the edge, and it's like, okay, I'm going for this. And so, yeah, that's that's that's my big and it's a cornerstone of my life. I I mean, I I actually was in my devotions this morning in one place in the scripture, I wrote a little note said Psalm 37. Um, it's that it's that big of a deal in my life that uh all these years later, um still still cornerstone.

SPEAKER_03 4:33

Ralph, I'm gonna follow up with some of the some follow-up questions here in a second, but before we do that, I want to hear from Antoine Curtis and I want to share as well.

SPEAKER_01 4:43

Yeah, um, one prayer that comes to mind as a as an oldie but goodie, uh, is when I prayed for my wife, probably about 20 years ago. Uh you know, I was coming out of high school, puppy love, and Lord, I just want to find the one. A little naive me. And uh, but um I remember going vividly to uh Starbucks at the time. It's crazy Starbucks been around that long and now really filled my age and out a little bit. Going there and uh just having those just little black and white binders and just kind of writing down vision and bring bringing specifically for the type of wife that I wanted to be able to uh walk with me in this life, but also like handle all the things I know that I'm called to do to as well. Because as I believe all of us have uh in this square, we have a specific type of woman that can handle the call and mission and the vision that God has given us. And they have a unique mindset, they have a unique heart set, is what I call it, to one deal with us and to be able to submit and to honor and to be able to say, hey, wherever you go, I go. And that takes a very, very specific, customatic kind of woman. So um I I think about that often that God answered that prayer, and out of that, all the favor flows from there. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

That's uh good at one.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

When we moved to Sweden, this was uh almost two years ago now. So January 16th, 2024, uh was when we moved to Sweden. So we had like we'd sold all our stuff, and then we came here with our three kids, like our newborn. And I remember when I got here, like I had a plan. We had just I we had just started this ministry, and like I'm now I have to try to build it, but I'm building it with people from the US, but I have to build it in Sweden and trying to, but also it's like the my heart was like, I want to see, I want to see this church planting movement. I want to see, I want to see the unreached reached in Sweden. Like 95% of Sweden is a member of the Church of Sweden, but less than 8% adhere to a Christian worldview, like they're post-secular. So, how do we do something that's gonna reach and help these people? And so I get there, but I I still have to, I gotta learn the language, I gotta be a great dad, I gotta be a great husband, I have to run this nonprofit, I have to do so. It's like, how am I gonna do? And so, like four or five months in, man, I just felt like the weight of the world was on my back. And so I got on a Zoom call with a small group of people. Francis Chan was in there, and I asked him, I was like, dude, if you were me, what would you do? And the his response was perfect. He said, Well, Jesus just seemed to know who to call Matthew, you follow me. And like, dang. He's I he said, so I would probably just pray and keep my eyes open and then wait for the unexpected. And like, I don't know, I do so I just start digging in, fasting, praying, like, okay, all right, just bring the people. Let me open my eyes. And dude, a week later, maybe week two, maybe two weeks later, I'm in espresso house here. And it's like uh, it's the the it's the less Starbucks version of Starbucks here in Sweden. I don't like coffee sucks at Starbucks and Espresso house. Sorry, but I was I was in there working and I walked out, and right when I walked out, the wind blew, and in the uh early summer, they sell strawberries here, like they're and everybody's picking strawberries, and they're amazing. These tiny little, just they're incredible. This strawberry stand had just stacked with boxes, like thousands of strawberries. The wind blew, knocked this tent over, and just flipped strawberries all over the street, just everywhere. And it was this guy working by himself, and he sweatpants on, kind of like a hoodie, like man bun kind of thing. I don't know, maybe he's 40s, 50s, and people just start stepping over strawberries, like like he was in New York, like, screw you, dude. And so I sit there for the next, I don't know, hour, hour and a half, just picking up strawberries, talking about life. And I'm again, like I was I was already cued in because I had asked a question, and I was like, I was paying attention. And so as we're having this conversation, I bring up something about my faith, and then he quotes a scripture. I was like, wait, you know scripture? He's like, Yeah. I said, but you're not a Christian. He's like, No. I was like, why not? He said, Well, I've never seen anything in a church before that represented anything I've seen in the Bible. Like, I partly agree with you. Explain your position, and so we just start having this conversation. I told him my testimony about my brother. I told him how we start churches and like our jujitsu gyms and coffee shops and beaches. And Ralph, I told him about you and some and meeting you. And a week later, I show back up to the city and I'm with my wife and my kids. And we're sitting there, and I introduce him to my family. They walked away, and I just start talking to him, like, how you doing, Daniel? He's like, Not so good. I'm like, Okay, he looked like he had seen a ghost. I was like, You need to talk about it? He's like, Yeah, can I send you an emails? I'm like, sure. So he sends me an email. Here's the title. It was uh thanks for helping the other day when God flipped the money changer strawberry table over in Hovda the other day. And so since he's he's become a Christian, but that's like there's been all these baptisms this year. My my best friend here who we just started a grapple chapel with was just with me. I just ended up at his baptism. He had just gotten baptism, he was baptized, he was a drug addict, tattooed up to his neck, has this crazy past. I go to his baptism, we meet, just immediately hit it off, like eat the same food, train the same way. And he was just in Kenya with me, where we witnessed the healing is another answered prayer. But it's like all this stuff happened, but it wasn't in the way that I tried to manipulate it and wasn't in my timeline, but it was just I'm gonna fast, I'm gonna pray, I'm gonna sit here and I'm gonna, I'm gonna focus because this is something that I don't want to manufacture. Because if I if I do this, then I got to maintain it. You know, if if he does it, like it's your burden. I just get to help.

SPEAKER_03 10:52

So good. Hey, in a second, I'm gonna do a follow-up to our conversation and just say, have you ever seen God do a miracle when it comes to healings? And so I do want to see if y'all have ever been a part of or ever seen something that's undeniably a miracle that God has answered prayer. But before I do that, let me share one story. Today I dropped off gyra to preschool class at First Baptist, and I have a 24-year-old, and all the way down to three. I have six kids for those who are listening. When I dropped my three-year-old off, her teacher said, Hey, I want you to know that your daughter is so anointed, so filled, she's so gifted. My 24-year-old works at First Baptist in Hendersonville. And I said, Did you know that before she was born, I took my hand and I put it on Jennifer's belly and I asked God to give me a worship leader. Um I was a huge Sonic Flood fan back in the day, Jeff Dio, you know, I want to see you more, you know. But and I bought a black guitar. I couldn't sing, I couldn't strum. And so the very first prayer I asked is that when we found out that it was a girl, is that God would give me a worship leader. And then following her life, we didn't choose to put her in the different positions and places and opportunities that created it, her where she's at today, but the entire path, God has just opened up doors for her to be mentored and her to be in positions where she gets to, she's a worship leader. And so I look back on that and I say, I think God answered, answered that prayer. Um, before we get into the healing conversation, do any of you guys uh speak in tongues? I want to thank you for taking time to listen to this story. And if there's something inside of here that is adding value to you, I want you to stop and hit subscribe. I am on mission to help men become the dads they never had. Many of us struggle with father wounds, addictions, identity issues, and really what we need is we need a model. We need to see people that have broken the patterns and come alongside of them. I want to simply invite you to join me on the journey. Every Thursday, we're gonna release a new episode. Each episode is gonna help you and others become the dads they never had. Hit subscribe and share with a friend. Now let's get back to the story.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

Occasionally.

SPEAKER_03 13:24

For those that aren't watching but are listening, we have Ralph that does speak in tongues. Curtis, you said every once in a while. Antoine, you say Do not do not. I have asked God to give me that gift. I do believe that it's a prayer language that he gives us. But for those that do pray in tongues inside of our inside of our little conversation round table, would you mind speaking a little bit on on Ralph, on anybody that is wanting to speak in tongues or thinking about it? What is it? Would you mind sharing a little bit? Because how do we talk about prayer and not at least cover this issue of speaking in tongues? So, would you mind just giving your narrative? And Curtis, if you'd like to share afterwards, you can as well.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

Yeah, I I first really kind of came into this with I had a friend, he was in the Christian church, and we'd become friends. And this is back in a day when if you were uh Pentecostal, the charismatic movement was coming on. The whole history is Pentecostals were kind of on the wrong side of the tracks, although the Pentecostal revival going on around the world is the fastest growing thing going, has been for decades. But back in the day, uh kind of Dallas Seminary owned the Christian evangelical side of things, and they were on tongues, and so you it was a bad thing to speak in tongues, and this guy was asking the same question you are, and so somewhere along the way, I as I you know in the kind of classic scripture that everybody runs to if you're a Pentecostal is Acts two, and it it dawned on me that they spoke in other tongues as the spirit gave them utterance, which to me said, Spirit puts the sound here, you gotta do this part, and kind of like everything else in life, the spirit puts it in our head. We gotta we gotta do something with so it's an act of obedience, and when I shared that with that guy, uh just within a day, he comes back and goes, Man, I can't believe it, you know, it's so wonderful. And there's this because there's a spiritual release. Paul said that we we edify ourselves when we speak in tongues, and and he had he had found it, and and you know, I'd gone through a four-year Pentecostal Bible school, and they they taught me a lot of doctrine about why speaking in tongues is correct or whatever, but they never got to the the to that part about the linkage between God putting something up here and then us obeying and speaking, and so that's that's insight that's carried me a long ways.

SPEAKER_03 16:09

Yeah, Curtis, anything you want to ask or add to that?

SPEAKER_00 16:13

I I that's so good. I just for me, it's been something like I've I've experienced it being around uh all different types. I first when I was in Australia, I got to experience people that were just so strong and it like it wasn't a show and it wasn't it wasn't forced. It was just something where like it when I was in Australia, it started to break down. It was the first time I saw somebody physically healed. It was like it started to break down some of these these things in my like that. That's why C.S. Lewis called God the great iconoclast. He's always breaking down the idols. We made him and Australia kind of did that for me. And so when I came back from Australia, and I as I'm processing it right now, I think it's I don't know, maybe a couple times a year, maybe, but when I end up, it's it's typically in a place as I'm thinking of it, where I'm I'm fasted, I'm quieted, and I'm praying for other people, are typically the moments where I just find it just feels natural or it just feels normal. And every once in a while, like maybe if we're in a group praying around somebody, but not when I'm leading the prayer, typically. But um, those are the moments for me that it has seemed to just feel natural and normal because I didn't want it to be something where I felt like I was manufacturing it. And Ralph, what you just said makes a lot of sense.

SPEAKER_03 17:42

So anything else to add before we go on to healings? Anything anybody wants to say?

SPEAKER_02 17:51

Well, I I just you know, having grown up in a Pentecostal church, but the church I went to was a Pentecostal church, but it was very uh Southern Baptist, actually. Uh it was part of a Pentecostal denomination, so I I really never experienced anything like that in church until later on that we got a new pastor. But I'd go to the youth camp, and then when I was in the Bible college, I saw it forced. And I and it became it was part of the Pentecostal culture that and it was sort of like uh you're not really filled with the Holy Spirit unless you speak in tongues, and there was a lot of pressure to speak in tongues, and then you'd see people uh everybody speaking in tongues at once in a you know in a worship time, uh, which the Bible specifically says not to do. So I I I've seen it um sort of misused, which puts people off naturally, and sadly, because to me it's it's a part of my prayer life, and uh it's often neglected part of my prayer life, to be honest, but it's part of my prayer life.

SPEAKER_03 18:59

Yeah, maybe we might have a another round on another day, but you know, there's a desire in my heart because I don't want to miss anything, I don't want to lack in anything. And if my father has something for me, it's like, okay, how do I seek this thing that that maybe belief hasn't connected to reality yet? And so it's something that I'm asking God to form in. Um, let me segue into um miracles and I'll set up this with a a a quick story. I'm in I'm preaching my last sermon or two before I transitioned out of as a vocational pastor. And um at the end of the sermon, you know how people come up to you afterwards and they might say that something good or something bad or something that they were thinking about when you preached. Well, on this particular Sunday, this lady that I had never seen before comes into the church. I promise you guys, okay, this is not made up. She came up to me and she told me that she said, My mother died in a car wreck. I showed up at the hospital in Tennessee to uh identify her body. Now I carried this little bottle of oil with me everywhere that I go, and I'm making it short for this conversation. But when I went to her, they pulled her out that she had this little tag on her toe. She said, I took my bottle of oil and I prayed over her in the name of Jesus, and she came back to life. Now, remind you, I'm in a Nazarene church. These things are not normal. And so I said, Well, that's real cool. I'm a skeptic, okay? And so I was like, Man, that's so cool. I would love to see uh some evidence of that. Do you have any anything that you could show me? She was like, Yeah, that well, they ended up putting it all in the papers, and I've got all the articles and da-da-da. I was like, Man, why don't you come back next week and show me this? And sure enough, I preach again the following Sunday. Our pastor had transitioned, and she came up after service, and guess what she showed me? Newspaper clippings of her mom coming back to life inside of this newspaper in Nashville and her story inside of it. That same day, I kid you not, God had already put it in my heart. I lived in Nashville, still do, to go to High Point, North Carolina and anoint a friend of mine or pray for a friend of mine named Joshua McClure. Everybody can look him up on Facebook. This was probably this was 2020, so five years ago. And so as soon as she said that, I went to the executive pastor and I said, Hey, where do y'all keep the anointing oil? And he said, Hey, it's in the cupboard above, you know, the copier. So I go in, I grab the anointing oil, I put it in my pocket, and then I drive all the way to High Point, North Carolina, which is about eight or nine hours. I had not talked to Josh McClure since college. Maybe 15 years. I met him in his his home. I anointed him with oil. He had brain cancer on scans, on at the doctors. He went back on Monday completely gone, healed of cancer. Not based on anything I did. I promise you. It was uh I I didn't feel like I was I didn't float, I didn't speak in tongues, I just did the obedient thing of what seemed like the logical thing to do. And I just said, in the mighty name of Yeshua Hamashiach or Jesus the Messiah, from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet, I anoint you in the blood of Jesus. That's it. That's one of the stories where I witnessed God heal. Have you guys have any similar stories, or have you ever seen anything? If so, I'd love to hear them.

SPEAKER_02 22:48

Well, let me start again. Uh I'm the older guy, I get precedent because I might I might die before we're done here. So um I um this this would have happened in the in the late 70s, uh maybe around 1980 even. But I'd been a pastor for I started 1971, so been a pastor for a while. I know we were in the new building, which was 1976, so it was around there. And I had a friend uh who was really anti uh speaking in tongues, and apparently his son had gone to one of our youth camps and came home speaking in tongues and was all excited about. And this guy, there was a guy writing a bunch of nasty anti-Pentecostal books. So this guy's going to Pentecostal church that isn't we're and we're overtly we're not very Pentecostal, um, but so he he he was fine with the church, but then the camp thing, he was furious at me.

unknown 23:54

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02 23:54

And I thought it was gonna wreck our friendship, and so um I get a call on Christmas Eve. There's a a woman that uh he's been witnessing to, she works in an accounting office in his building. Now he's trying to build a movie studio, so he's got a little office. And um, if you ever saw like all those courtroom shows on TV, or you ever see Alcatraz on TV, those are his movie sets that he he rents out. So, anyway, this girl that that he only knew sort of in casual conversation had been her her car quit running, a little Volkswagen Beetle, and she's pushing it in Marina Del Rey around a corner. Another Volkswagen, but they had little Volkswagen station wagons, not buses, but a little kind of weird car. It came around and the and and ran over her, and the the the back tire, which is where the engine is, but the engine's not that heavy, but the back tire had run over her neck like this, and then over the side of her face. And how I knew that is we got to hospital, they'd shaved her head, and you could see the red tire treads had gone over her head, and so uh we get to hospital, and I'm and I'm pretty pumped, and I got my little bottle of olive oil. My my wife, I'm not into that stuff, but my wife always is. So she gives me their little bottle of olive oil, and I got it in my coat in my in my pocket, and uh the the family were nominal Catholics, and they're in the cafeteria, and so my friend and I, who doesn't really know if he believes in this stuff, it's weird. People who don't believe in healing believe in healing when somebody needs healed, and and that you know they'll they'll argue against it, but then they pray, and it's like you guys are stupid, or you or you have more faith than you know. So, anyway, we we we meet with the family, and I'm just telling them, Hey man, God's gonna heal, and we're here, and it says if you lay hands and believe, and you know, that don't don't worry, and and then we go upstairs, and I see her, and her head is swollen like to the size of a basketball, literally the size of a basketball. And the doctors uh have told us the nurse tells us that um that she she's gonna die before the night is over, and so um now, and it's a catholic hospital, by the way. But I'm scared to get my bottle of olive oil out because I might get caught. So I I in my pocket I unscrew it, I get a little bit on my finger, I put a cross on her forehead because somebody told me to do that, and we prayed for her. We both of us laid hands on her and we we prayed for her, and um, and I sat up in the hall all night with my friend. It's Christmas Eve, it was a not a nice Christmas Eve, but but and we start out with him arguing with me about his kid, and then praying some more about this woman, and then just talking story, you know what men do. And um, morning comes, and we we go in and check on her. We're gonna go home to be with Christmas with our kids, and she has survived the night, and they tell us, Well, this is you know, more than we expected. Uh, if she actually lives, she's gonna be a vegetable, she'll she'll never recover consciousness. Well, by that Christmas night, this woman was opening her eyes, and they're saying, But she'll never speak, you know, it's she's basically you know, almost a vegetable. Well, a few days later we start to hear that that she can talk, and then they go, But but she's no motor skills, she'll never walk, she'll never whatever, whatever. The short story is on Easter Sunday, this woman walks into our church and and everybody is cheering and going off like crazy, whatever. Uh, we we saw God do a miracle that uh that the hospital said was a miracle. And I've I've had three or four of those in my life, but only that many. I I it's not like something that happens all the time. And I don't think I have a gift of healing, although I think my wife does. When when my wife prays for people, her hands get hot, and I and I spent half my life making jokes about stupid Pentecostals that are always talking about hot hands when they pray for people, and then my wife got into this thing where they started praying for over people almost to practice, you know. And um, she she would pray for these people, and and their hands would her hands would get hot, and people tend to get healed when she prays for them. Usually, if I pray them, pray for them, they go ahead and die. But I've I've seen a few.

SPEAKER_03 28:54

So, man, I appreciate you sharing that. Uh, there's so much that you can even unpack inside of things getting hot and how the spirit works versus you know how our brains work. But Curtis, did you have anything as far as a miracle you've you've been a part of?

SPEAKER_00 29:11

Yeah, one this year. So at the beginning of the year, I preached at this church here, and after I preached, this this dude walks up to me, and it's it's here, it's here in Sweden, it wasn't back in the States, and he walks up to me and he starts talking, and I can't understand anything he's saying. It's it sounds like he's being choked, and only a squeal, like a very faint squeal, is coming out of his his voice out of his mouth. And I had to ask him again because some I I never know if somebody's gonna come talk to me in Swedish or English, and so it caught me off guard anyway. And so I had to ask him to repeat himself. And um, he said, I came here to see you. I'd never seen him before, still, I've never seen him in this church. We're at this church most every week. Never see, I've never seen him, didn't see him before that, haven't seen him since. And he said, I came here to see you. And I was like, I don't know what that means. And he just didn't like then he just stared at me. And he's like, What you gonna do? So I I chickened out, I prayed for him, like just normal, like I'm trying to listen to God, and I just I'm trying to, and then after I'm done praying, I'm like, Man, why wouldn't you like come on, man? Get it together. And I'm like, Would you like me to pray for your voice? He's like, Yes, like what do you think I'm doing up here? And I was like, Okay, and so I I felt led to put my hand on his neck, I didn't. And I prayed this half-hearted prayer that I was just like, it was it was a prayer, it was just this weak prayer for healing, but like I knew it, I knew in that moment I was supposed to. Like you just know in your know, and dude, I chickened out, and so I it just dude, it it beat me up. And so I left and I'm like, I tell my wife about it, and I told a couple of close friends about it, and I'm like, never again, never again. And so I'm just like, I I don't, I'm not going into another opportunity like that, and like that's ridiculous. And so a couple months later, a dude comes up to me after I preached, and I I prayed over him. I'm like, let's go! And so he comes back uh like two weeks later, healed of he had pancreatic or prostate cancer. I can't remember which ones, big difference. But it he he was and I was like, ah, this is cool. But here's here's where this started to like it started to build in me, where it's like it's not you're not forcing the moments, you're paying attention. Like somebody called prayer prayer is simply agreement. It's I'm I'm paying attention, I'm watching what God's doing, and then I'm I'm I'm seizing those moments where He wants to use me. And so when we were in Kenya in June, we do clean water projects for people in Kenya, and we have like nine churches out there we're working with and food programs, all this stuff. So I was preaching at one of the pastor's churches, and so it's just like packed house is you know, tiny little church, but uh over 100 people in there, and it was just this awesome moment. But then after the pastor stands up, and they're you know, pastors are holding a very high, like they're very revered. And so they're not they're not ones to like confess things publicly to their congregation. And so the pastor stands up after I preach, and mind you, my friend Max that I was telling you about a couple minutes ago, the grapple chapel guy, he came with me. This dude, if you ever want somebody to pray for you, have Max pray for you. I can tell you story after story of things, because he will fast for two, three, four, five days and just, I mean, pray, pray, pray. And so he's a new Christian. I'm learning strength inside of my fasting and prayer from from my friend Max. And so we fasted on the airplane over there, we get there, they're cooking all this great food at the mission center. We're not eating, and we're just we're and we're just like, let's pay attention. What is God doing? What's God doing? What's God doing? So after I preached, I'm like, dude, I'm I'm ready for something. I'm just waiting for the moment. And I sit down, you know, because they have you sit like behind them on the on the stage. And the pastor gets up and he goes, I got something to say, I got a confession. I'm like, here we go. And he said, My wife hasn't been sleeping, and I haven't been sleeping. There's been no sleep in our house for months. I don't know, it's months or over a year. And he's like, her back is just a wreck. Her her knee, like she just she can't sleep. It keeps us both up all night. It's just been horrible. And I'm just feeling led in the moment like to ask if our our guests would keep us in prayer. I'm like, no, we're gonna pray. So I'm you know, I'm tiny. I jump up. I'm like, let's go. And so let's we're gonna pray now. And so he's like, anybody that that that wants prayer, come up front. And so everybody's up front, and people are just we, it's this super emotional moment. And I'm laying hands, praying over people. I stand in front of his wife, and dude, I I just start heaving, like sobbing, crying. Like I can't, like I can't catch my breath crying. And I'm I cry, I'll I'll break bones, I get punched in the face, I'll whatever. I I cry when I'm I'm preaching, I cry when my brother died. Like I'm not this not a normal thing, unless I'm unless it's a Jesus thing. And dude, I I just start weeping. And it was like I knew he was doing something. Like I knew it. I just had to, I wasn't doing anything. I just knew God was doing something. And there's a whole group of people around her praying over. So the next morning, the pastor walks into the mission center. We have over there, we have first Peter and 2 Peter, and so he was first Peter. And he came in. I said, First Peter, how's your wife? He said, God's a healer, she slept great. Like, come on, man. Comes in the next day, and you're like, maybe, maybe it was just that day. Like, first Peter, how's she doing? God's a healer. She slept. Third day, he comes in the mission center. First Peter, how's she doing? And he kind of looked at me, he's like, Why are you asking me still? I told you she's healed. I texted him uh a month ago now, a couple weeks ago. God's a healer, she's sleeping great. And it's just like it's such a cool thing, but it's like the getting the when I'm around people like Max and I'm getting rid of myself and my own thoughts, you can just watch and pay attention. Like, how many of those moments do I just walk past and miss because I'm I'm consumed with with me and my life and my little ecosystem that I want to manipulate?

SPEAKER_03 35:42

So good. Uh Antoine, and last but not least, do you have any uh experiences any anywhere that you've seen God heal?

SPEAKER_01 35:53

Yeah, I would probably even say more of a reconcile reconciliation healing, uh emotional healing. Uh, been able to serve at uh several youth camps, but probably over the last probably four years been serving with the youth from Church of the City here in Nashville. And uh it's such a great time to go out there and just be with the kids. But particularly the year before, uh actually last year, uh, there was just a moment where the kids got up and grabbed the mic and just started prophesying and speaking uh over the kids. And there was just a moment to where uh me and some of the other facilitators got to just pray over these kids and they're like bawling and sobbing and telling you all the stories and what they're dealing with, and for them to uh recognize that there's a moment that there needs to be healing back, not only to uh the father, but it has to go through their parents and their father first as well. It was a lot of a lot of them, it was hard to receive the Jesus we're trying to tell them about because of the parents that he gave them. So uh it was, I mean, they're calling parents like, hey, I forgive you for the divorce, I forgive you for this, I forgive you for this. And I mean, it was just you're talking about a thousand kids just being able to go back through the father, but through reconciliation with their parents and forgiving them and and just wanting to have a better relationship with them so they will feel right having that relationship with God. And I say that even for my own story. It's when you grow up in in I say a Christian home or a churchy home, and the family, even though we all go to church, my mother spoke in tongues, my sister, she, I mean, you follow right now, she's probably in a Bible study. It's hard to believe in a God that you can't see and have a relationship with, and Jesus, this is actually the words of Jesus, and not have a relationship with the person you can't see and show love to them. You know, how can you how can you do that? And so uh that just brought healing into me, into being even that reconciliation person inside of my own family. It's like, hey, we all love our our types of Jesus, but why can't we do that for one another? Uh, if we're all reading the same Bible, I think we're reading. There's no way we can miss uh the opportunity to uh to be able to love each other. And so um that moment just kind of sparkled into a moment of healing for my family. Uh and uh yeah, just so it brings us closer to the Father, you and shine another light. Um the reason why God had to send Jesus is to make sure there was not a barrier between the father and the son. It's like I need to make sure that you have a direct line. So let me let me send, let me send my only advocate, my only son. And so, yeah, that that's when that happens, man. That's so good. It's a whole nother level, man, when the babies get it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:10

Hey, for anyone that's listening and um you've got needs, you've got a prayer request, um, I ask you to just drop it inside the chat wherever you're consuming this. If you want to send me an email, feel free to send it. Uh Joshua at as you go. Well, I'm gonna give Joshua at as you go.network. If you need prayer, if you've got questions, feel free to drop it or to send it and we'll follow up with you. We are doing this because we want to make much of God, because he's done such great uh works inside of our own lives, and we want to glorify him with our lives. We're gonna move to the very end of our conversation today, and we're gonna get into what does spiritual formation or what does your prayer life look like. And Ralph, because we don't want you to pass away before the end of this, you're gonna get first ups inside of this. But I heard you say uh two or three different scriptures that you pray daily. I want to know more about the scriptures that you pray, um, and what your spir what what your prayer life looks like, and then I want to take some of the things that you're doing and practice inside my own life. So I'd love for you to share some scriptures that you pray every day and what your prayer life looks like, and then the same for the rest of our guys.

SPEAKER_02 40:28

All right now, I I um you know I do I I go through Psalm 37 uh uh and I go through Psalm 92, um, really, really print Psalm 92. It you know, it says that we like cedars planted in Lebanon, and and uh that doesn't mean much to us today because in the 1800s they cut down all the cedar trees in Lebanon to fuel the railroads, but um and it says that about palm trees, and I've grown you know, my whole adult life I've lived around palm trees in California and Hawaii and now back in California. So I I I pray for for fruitfulness and I and I pray, Lord, what are you doing that you want me to to help out in? And you know, where do I fit? But a lot of what I've been looking at lately and more meditating is um John 1, John 15. And I and I have a problem. Um I'm I've I'm kind of a born um I I wanted I thought I wanted to be an architect as a kid. I realized I really wanted to be an engineer and didn't know it. Uh I I don't like modern architecture, I'm not I'm not artistic and creative, I would have been a crappy architect, I would have been a good engineer. I I love to figure out how things work, but that analytic mind gets in the way. And I I've been going back and and reading, I read um three times in a row. I read uh letters to Malcolm Seek Chiefly on Prayer by C. S. Lewis, and now I'm reading uh The Weight of Glory by C. S. Lewis, which is a it's actually four sermons, and I I only read two, three pages a day, and so can it because Lewis Lewis is really smart, and I and I think in some ways he was he's a modern-day prophet. And but I I I the problem that I have is the the way that I feel, and this this I don't want to be sound judgmental, although I am judgmental to to be straight up, I am judgmental. I I'm I'm really tired of hearing people talk about Jesus in church. I grew up hearing about our Lord Jesus Christ or Christ Jesus or Jesus Christ. And I remember sitting in Aziza Pacific College in a chapel, and the dean of students got up there and and prayed, and he prayed to Jesus. And that was one of the most refreshing days of my life. It's like the the weight of churchiness went away. He's just praying to Jesus like he's our friend. But these days I go to church and I and I sit in uh what they call worship and it's more of a show than it is worship. And uh I finally am in a church where uh they actually are singing praise to God. I was in a church for three years where they're singing about God do this for me, God do this for me, God do this for me. But everybody still is kind of flippantly talking about Jesus. And the the I mean in John 1 we're we're talking about the majesty of I mean the the word logos, uh I I I I actually would look I one of my my favorite tools these days is GROC or chat GPT. And and I'll and I'll look up, you know, so I I I went into uh John 1, I can't remember which verse it was, maybe four or whatever, and and ask it for Koine Greek. Well then it gives you this huge like commentary. But it but it talks about the logos being the the the the self-expression of the father and it's like that's what I need in my life. I I don't need a flippant Jesus who's my buddy. I mean I need a Jesus who in John 15 is demanding my obedience and that my proof that I actually love God, because this is another problem that I have, I'm not very emotional. My wife will tell you I'm just not romantic at all. And um, I told her some stuff the other night, about three nights ago, that you know, there when I went to college, there were three other guys that were hot for my wife, and um I won. And when I told her that that way, she starts crying. It's like in all these years, she never knew I felt that way about her. So I'm kind of a blockhead when it comes to romantic feelings, and and and sometimes I struggle because I don't feel like I love God. I just I don't because I don't feel it just you know, and then in John 15, about oh, I don't know, seven, eight years ago, it hit me, but I obey, and Jesus says that's proof of love, so I can kind of back into this. If I if I'm obedient, then I must love him. And and but but but right now my my my battle is uh I I need to understand the majesty of of of Christ Jesus. That's that's the way I in in my notes in my prayer journal. I I write Christ Jesus or I I write uh this the second member of the Trinity. I I I want to beware of not a carpenter in Galilee. I have a hard time praying to a carpenter in Galilee. I want to be praying to somebody sitting at the right hand of the Father, and I and I want to be in awe of that. So that's kind of where my prayer life is. But the other last thing I'll just add to this is my mind wanders a lot, and uh I I keep a journal and I update it because I keep it electronically, so it's easy to take answered prayers and throw them into another file and just keep the live prayers going. But I have a whole lot of I mean a huge list of all the people that God used to form my life, and there's probably 60 names in there, and I go through that list uh every so often, like maybe once every two weeks. I go through that list and and and I my wife is sitting in the other room, she never hears me, but under my breath, I I verbally thank God for each person.

SPEAKER_03 47:13

Do you have an incredible story of overcoming the home that you were raised in, or maybe the father wounds that were placed inside your life? If so, I want to share it with other dudes without dads. Simply go to dudeswithout dadspodcast.com and apply to be a guest on the show. The reason it's important to share your story is because when you share what God has done for you, it helps other men believe that God can do it for them and he can. To share your story, head over to Dues Without Dads Podcast today.

SPEAKER_02 47:51

If I don't pray the list, uh I'm my my brain is in the backyard doing work and or or it's investing in stocks, it's it's doing other things. And and so I I just discipline myself to pray through the list, and then I I try to keep that list up to date. And uh and and I don't and I try to not hit not shy away from the heavy stuff, the hard stuff that it's hard for me to believe that God can do this, but I I I pray it anyway. I have another one, just a last little thing. Um, and this prayer has not been answered in the last two days. I I I have you know the little garage door clickers that you can put in your car. I I don't keep it in the car because I'm afraid somebody's break a window and steal it, and then I get in my house. And so I I took it off its clip and put it in my pocket. I took the clip off so I wouldn't scratch my phone. And I was working in the yard, have lost it. And I prayed and prayed and prayed and have not found it. But normally, this is a weird thing. I mean, to me, this is like an apologetic in my life. I need these things when I can't find stuff in my horrible Antoine.

SPEAKER_03 49:08

You want to pray again?

SPEAKER_02 49:10

And I did a whole lot of work on the on the house, and like I have three electric drills um because I couldn't find in the mess, so I bought another and then I bought another. Um and and I, you know, it's just like that. And but I'll go in that garage looking for something now, and it's been going this like for maybe two, three years, and I can't find it, and I pray, and my mind, my eyes will stray to where it is.

SPEAKER_01 49:38

It's just like that's my little come on, baby Jesus right now.

SPEAKER_03 49:48

I called him baby, he don't like that. Hey, cousin Curtis, Antoine. We we've got 51 minutes on this thing. Um I want one of you guys to share if you're chatting with a new dude that is is trying to have a prayer life or start a this relationship where they're going to battle, you know. Like, I don't think it's an option whether or not you pray. I think you got to. Would either one of you mind sharing just what you would encourage a dude who's trying to figure out what is a rhythm, where do I start, how do I create um an intimacy or a time of prayer with God?

SPEAKER_00 50:26

Can I there when I was we were about to leave for our RV trip across the states, and I I'm very routine, like I like my I'm I'm I'm up, I'm I'm up at 4 30, I do this, I do this, I do this, and then I'm in scripture, and I'm and I remember reading Oswald Chambers, my utmost for his highest. And he made fun of Christians, and he's obviously very Christian, and he said, You Christians and your little Christian habits. And he talked about like, and essentially what I took from that was like, Yeah, I I probably like leave Jesus in that chair in the morning. So, what good is that? Yeah, if I leave him there. And so one of the things that happened is as soon as we hit this RV trip, now my root, my my routine is trash. I got a toddler and an infant, and we're traveling across the country, everything's breaking, stuff's going wrong. I'm going to bed so late because I'm fixing stuff in the RV, and I'm not waking up to silence and and pour over coffee. I'm waking up to little footsteps and hot breath coming out of my daughter's face. You know what I mean? And it's like, well, now what? And so it's like, I it's you can't just yes, build the routines. Find just find something. I don't care what it is, find whatever works. Like right now, a big part of it is I'm staying up late because I'm working at night here. And so I wake up with my kids, but it's I start my day after my kids go to school, I start my day in prayer with my wife. Or then when I come into the office and I I go to a psalm. Psalms teaches you how to pray, proverbs teaches you how to think. Grab a psalm and just listen and just sit in it, man. Like sit in the awkwardness, sit in the silence, grab a journal, write. It doesn't matter. Just just he's a promise in James. If you move toward me, I'll move toward you. Just go for it and just move toward him. And if you're doing it genuinely and honestly, is John says, This is eternal life, that they know me. It's like, okay, well, that's the invitation. So you have the open invitation, so just do it in a way that makes sense to you in this season. And if the season changes and you're with him in a different, that's great, doesn't matter. Go read Brother Lawrence, practicing the presence of God, and that'll shake up your whole routine. This dude carried him with him 24-7. And yeah, so those are some thoughts.

SPEAKER_03 52:39

Yeah, I appreciate it. Antoine, you want to add to it?

SPEAKER_01 52:41

Yeah, man. Uh, well, first, um, uh what I usually tell young men, uh actually saw this to my my assistant, Creative Tech, who's 19 from Odessa, Texas. Uh, is is he comes from more of a um Jehovah's Witness background, but he's agnostic, but he's a really, really high thinker, very creative, very techy. Uh, and just but just being around me, he's picking up the kingdom faith talk uh and the value talk. And so God reaches me, uh, God reaches young men through me, through creativity and technology. And so, because of that, it's an easy doorway in. And so, hey, hey, man, you talk about kingdom, we talk about faith a lot. You know, uh, do you pray? I'm like, yeah, I'll pray, but it's it's not that deep. Most of the time, it's just usually a conversation. It's not a wish, it's not a genie. It's more so talking to uh uh your your father. And so one thing, uh, two things that I usually give young men who are asking for prayer, and it's usually very, very unique when they ask how to pray. It's actually a very special moment, um, is the Lord's Prayer. Um the prayer we all know. So I give them that, hey, just just pray that. If you don't know anything else to pray, just pray that and that you're praying the words of Jesus right through that. And I said, when you want to start to really dive into detailed prayers and get even more specific, I said, uh I said to him, I said, you want to start praying uh for things and about things as if you were picking stocks. And most people who buy stocks, you know, it can be it can be overwhelming if you don't know how to buy stocks, but usually the first rule is go with what you know. What tennis shoes do you like? Okay, invest into Nike. Do you shop at Walmart? Great. Buy some Walmart stock. And so I told them, I was like, hey, what do you know? Who do you know? Are there any friends who are in need that maybe you can stand in the gap for? Uh, do you have your grandmother who who's maybe need prayer here, or your mother? I said, just start with them and just kind of just talk to them like you would be talking to your father who can handle, who can handle something for you, just as you will want your father to handle something for you. I got three kids that ask me for things all the time. And so rarely, though, they ask, they thank me first and they honor me first, usually it's straight to the knee. And so I said, as you get mature, uh, just uh just like it's in the in the verse, um the Lord's Prayer, the first thing Jesus does is honor his father for who he is. Our Father who are in heaven, holy is your name, that you're so amazing. What is your will? And so if you start that like that, any uh any other thing that follows, I believe will be blessed. And so that's why you should tell young man. Start with what Jesus prayed. You can just pray that for a whole year and and and you'll be fine. And then the spirit will lead you into what to pray for next. And this young man, he just he comes up with some press I've never even thought to think of, and but he's getting creative with it. He's getting like, man, that hey, if it works for you, and uh you feel like it's doing some change, uh, it's it's that's how God can speak to you, and he's been able to do that with anyone he's encountered, and he's still even to him not a Christian, which is beautiful because I believe God's love and his and our obedience to him goes beyond just our title. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 56:07

Ralph, Curtis, Antoine, thank y'all so much for being on this topic of prayer, God answering miracles. Um, if you're listening today, whatever you've got going on, God cares about. And then I would say chances are God's already speaking to you. You know what he's saying to you. It's not a mystery, you just need to be obedient to it. Um, most of the time, we are rejecting something that God is speaking to us, which is kind of closing down this relationship and this prayer life. So, for for the dudes without dad's community, from us to you, let me encourage you. Your heavenly father loves you, and there's nothing that he's asking you to say no to that isn't going to actually produce fruit inside of your life. So obey him, do what he says, and I believe fruit's going to be the product of your life. And until next time, peace and forgiveness is more for you than that.

SPEAKER_01 56:59

I had inner peace for the first time in my life. It's just Jesus. Just Jesus.