What Does the Bible Say About Being a Godly Father? | Kris Langham (Through the Word)

What does it actually mean to be a godly father — especially if you never had one?

In this episode, host Joshua sits down with Kris Langham, co-founder of the Through the Word Bible app, to explore what Scripture teaches about godly fatherhood, father wounds, and how God specializes in breaking generational cycles.

Kris challenges listeners to find a truly "perfect dad" in the Bible (spoiler: there isn't one), points to God as the only model of perfect fatherhood, and walks through the stunning story of Hosea — where children named "Not Loved" and "Not My People" are renamed by God to "Beloved" and "My People." That's the gospel. That's your story too.

In this episode:

• The biblical definition of godly fatherhood
• Why brokenness is the starting point, not the disqualifier
• The full gospel: resurrection power, not just a second chance
• 4 practical steps to become a godly father this week
• How to use the Through the Word app with your kids
• The "Manhood Talks" plan built specifically for dads without dads

Resources:

• Through the Word App: https://www.throughtheword.org
• Dudes Without Dads: https://www.dudeswithoutdadspodcast.com (update URL)
• Apply to be a guest: https://www.dudeswithoutdadspodcast.com/apply (update URL)

New episodes every Thursday. Subscribe, share with a friend, and join the mission — training men to become the dads they never had.

fatherhood, father wound, sonship, men's ministry, christian men, healing, identity, intentional fatherhood, dudes without dads, joshua brown, eric manly, the intentional dad, generational curses, masculinity, christian podcast, faith and fatherhood, becoming a better dad, father absence

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

That God is the only one and only power in the universe who can take something and make it new again. You know, we can rebuild, restore, and restoration is certainly at the heart of that. That's part, a big part of our job as Christians is to come in and bring restoration. But only God can take something and actually bring a newness because He can speak into being that which was not there, and He can speak into our lives. The gospel is the story of Jesus. God sent His Son into our brokenness to become one of us, to know our brokenness, to be a part of it, to heal it.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Welcome to Dudes Without Dads, the show that trains men how to become the dads they never had. Chris, welcome to the show.

SPEAKER_01 0:53

Thanks so much, Joshua. So glad to be here. Love this podcast, love everything it's about, and I am stoked to be here, man.

SPEAKER_00 1:01

Hey, I'm gonna jump right into this idea of what it means to be a godly man. Many, including myself, are stoked to have you here. Um, and I'd like for I'd like to give us a little bit of of a guide as we get into this conversation that you would do everything you can to share with us not just Chris Langham's thoughts, but actually what God's word has to say. Could you do that for us today?

SPEAKER_01 1:27

All right, I'll do my best as uh as faithful messenger, doing my best at it. That's all I can ever offer. But uh, but yeah, we want to hear what God has to say about it. That's what we're here for, man. What uh our heavenly father has for us.

SPEAKER_00 1:42

Amen. So I'm a dude, never had a dad, and there's many that's listening to the show and have landed here today because they're trying to answer this question. What does the scriptures actually teach on what it means to be a godly uh man or father?

SPEAKER_01 2:01

Man, I don't know if I can help with that one. Okay, here's the challenge back at you. Here's the challenge back at you. This one, this one really struck me years ago, and I I kind of just stumbled into this question. Um, find a godly father, like which which dad in the Bible? There's lots of dads in the Bible through the story. There's a you know, you get the story of generation after generation, especially in the old testament history. You get it through the story of the kings, there's lots of fathers in the Bible. So, which one is the really good dad? Which dad would you most want to be like? Old Testament or New Testament?

SPEAKER_00 2:34

Uh Abraham.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

That's a good one. That's a good one. I have to be a father, Abraham. So so I went through this of like, okay, where's the dad who's like, you know, the throwing the ball in the front yard, dad? Where's the dad who's like making model cars in his garage with his I know like you know, different stuff, but you know, some biblical times version of that, and uh, and I I was kind of stuck for like, wait, where's the godly dad in the Bible? Like, which one is he? You you see some good role models for us in the hall of faith in Hebrews 11, and Abraham's certainly a great role model for us, but every dad in the Bible struggled severely, and a whole bunch of godly characters weren't really great dads, and that's hard, that's really hard to to grapple with. Uh, so so this thing that we have of perfection of fatherhood, we we have but one model in the Bible, and it's just God, it's just God. We have we have a fantastic picture of uh of godliness from God, and you see a whole lot of guys struggling to get it right in the Bible. But the one guy who showed up in the Bible to really show us what godliness looks like is just Jesus, just Jesus. The heart of being a a godly father, what it means to be the the word godly is like God. Well, that's really at the heart of what we were made for. To be made, to be human is to be made in the image of God, and the image of God means a reflection of who God is. So to reflect, to to do our very best to to mirror, to see his image in us. And at the heart of what it means to be made in God's image is really connected directly with fatherhood. The first time you see image in the Bible is right in Genesis 1, Genesis 1:27, God saying, Let us make mankind in our image. Fantastic verse. The next time you see it is when you see the the lineage just a few chapters later, that Adam and has a kid, and the kid is in his likeness, in his image. It's a reflection of dad. And what the the closest thing you can understand what it means to be made in God's image is how a a child is to a father. It's like, oh, just like our dad, just like his dad, right? Now, for us, that's that's can be good, that can be bad. Some of us hear that, like, I don't, I don't, I don't want to hear that. But it it's a reality of humanity to to see a kid and say, Oh, look at the look at the face, look at that smile, listen to that laugh, or uh, or something that that they do, and it might be frustrating, oh, you're just like dad, or it can be like, what a guy, just like his dad, and all of that is just naturally built into us to be a godly father is to be just like your heavenly father, right? But we all have it screwed up. That's the whole story of the Bible is we've wrecked the image of God in us, and Jesus showed up, and he it doesn't say he was made in God's image, it says he is God's image, he is the only one who perfectly reflects. To look at him is to look right at God. So you look at Jesus' story and the way he is, and the way he treats people, that is the one image. And in the whole New Testament story, then Colossians three says that we are being remade into the image of our Creator. Colossians tells the story of how Jesus is God's image and we're being remade from the broken image that we messed up into the image we're called to be. We get that by reflecting Jesus. So that's what godly fatherhood is, most of all. It's just more and more learning to reflect God's image from our brokenness, being remade into wholeness again, so that we can do the same with our kids, so that for them it won't be starting from scratch like it was for most of us. For them, it'll be like, yeah, just like her dad, just like his dad, like reflecting God the way my dad does. And maybe we didn't have that. This dudes without dads, you know. I I had I had a broken version of that. I I had a part way, but uh, but I I knew that was my calling. And God stepped into a generation with me and said, We're starting new here. And God steps into a generation. That's one of the things that you do see again and again in the Bible. God's stepping into a generation, so starting here, we're gonna start a new storyline in this family, and there's gonna be godliness. So I think that's the best I got.

SPEAKER_00 7:24

Yeah, and and based on what you said, I'm gonna try to to spell it out like in layman's terms. So, like you're the you're the Bible guy, I'll be the the street guy and get out.

SPEAKER_01 7:34

Let's do it.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

I'm undone. Basically, if if the idea of me being a godly dad is required for me to be like God, all I have to do is look at yesterday and recognize there's a massive gap. And so already I feel like a failure at the beginning of this podcast. And so, can you help me understand what most dudes um without a dad or without this image to work from, what misconceptions they get wrong, or how can I even become something that seems so far off from actually who I am?

SPEAKER_01 8:13

That's God's work, that's God's specialty, that's what God does. Yeah, thanks for bringing that out, man. We we all start from brokenness, we all start from one of my uh one of my absolute favorite stories in the Bible is uh, and it's a surprising story, it's in in Hosea. Um, and and you got this guy who's uh uh a godly man, um, and God calls him to into a a broken marriage. God calls him to it. Um, and like from the beginning, I want you to to marry this adulterous woman, like tells him she's gonna cheat on you. And the the names he gives his kids, it's his kids' story that that really strikes me. Hosea, uh, he's got one kid that's his, but then um the the next kid, he he literally names two of his kids not loved in Hebrew, a low Ruhama, not loved. That's a kid's name. Kid grows up with that name, and not my people. How do they get those names? Because they showed up not looking like their dad. So Hosea looks at them and says, I don't love this kid, give it that name, just bitter, just absolutely bitter. Sees another kid, looks nothing like me. I don't want this kid. Name him not my people. So he's got a son and a daughter named Not Loved and Not My People. Well, imagine what that's like for the kid to grow up like you know, walking into school, what's your name? Not loved. Okay, there's a story here, but this is bad. And now, as the story goes forward, God steps in and says, I'm going to change the name of not loved. Her name will be loved or beloved. So now now you've got a kid whose name has changed from unloved to beloved. And this kid whose name is not my people, uh-uh, not anymore. Kid's name is my people. God says, God says, I am changing your name. You are my people. Now, both Peter and uh and and Paul in the New Testament, both of them grab a hold of this story in Hosea. It's kind of obscure story, it's kind of messed up story. There's a lot of adultery, there's like she she sells herself out into prostitution, and that's where the kids come from. It's it's a twisted story. Both of them in the New Testament grab hold of this story and say, That's what it is to be us. We were called not loved. That was our name. Now we are loved. We were not my people. Now God says, my people. It's one of the it's it's the most beautiful picture of what a covenant is. God makes a covenant with us. What does that mean? That means to be his people, right? There's a great big difference between God pointing at a group and saying, Those are people, and then and pointing at us saying, Those are my people, those are my people. We're his, we belong to him, and whatever brokenness we came from, God steps in in our generation and says, You belong to me, so you belong, and with you, you're kids. And as messed up as you are, that before you know anything about what you're doing or how to go about it, you're mine. And we're gonna get this right.

SPEAKER_00 11:31

Hey, we're 10 minutes in, and I already feel like our listeners need to be reminded of the gospel. Um, the whole story of salvation or the whole story of us having hope. You know, for me at 20, I'm sitting in the back of a uh of a church, you know, back when they had pews. And I was a drug dealer, plothead high school dropout, and I just heard God say, Joshua, I love you. And it meant everything. And you just hit on what I would call the largest father wound of those that are listening, and those who grow up without a dad is like we ultimately don't feel loved. And the frustration that is birthed out of not feeling loved creates a response of expectation and burden on everybody that that that we meet. What would you say to the the dude that's listening that's like, man, I've got father wounds, I don't feel loved, I feel rejected. Where's my starting point today if I were to be able to experience it? Would you share the gospel with anyone that might be listening today? I want to thank you for taking time to listen to this story. And if there's something inside of here that is adding value to you, I want you to stop and hit subscribe. I am on mission to help men become the dads they never had. Many of us struggle with father wounds, addictions, identity issues, and really what we need is we need a model. We need to see people that have broken the patterns and come alongside of them. I want to simply invite you to join me on the journey. Every Thursday, we're gonna release a new episode. Each episode is gonna help you and others become the dads they never had. Hit subscribe and share with a friend. Now let's get back to the story.

SPEAKER_01 13:23

That's good, that's good. You know, uh my story is uh is a complicated one. I I had a dad, and he's a good man. Uh, he's passed some years ago. He had his issues. Uh, he he struggled with bipolar disorder. He was depressed most of my my growing up. He uh didn't hold down a paying job from the time I was in first grade. It broke my parents' marriage. Um, so I I come from a brokenness, but he loved me and I knew it. Um, and uh and he spent time with me and he taught me to help me with my homework and you know he did dad stuff. The my first real foray into understanding and getting this picture of uh how broken we are as a humanity. Um I uh I I was uh I was a say no to drugs kid. I was like, I'm not doing some of that stuff, and I didn't realize how much just having parents who loved me played in my ability to just say, Yeah, say no, I don't need that stuff. Well, I had some friends who invited me to Rave. This is when Raves are brand new, and so I show up at a Rave and uh like oh man, and I love I love music, I love to dance, I love it, and I was the one and only like sea of kids. I was the one and only safe driver I ever met at a rave. Like they're all going out risking their lives because they don't care. And uh, and the thing that I found at a rave, like rave's are all about belonging and love, it's very, very broken version of it. People are hurting each other left and right, lots of kids getting raped and and overdosing and and all kinds of terrible. I actually connected with and helped with a ministry to rave kids, uh kind of trying to return what God did for me. Uh, but there was this understanding of belonging as a basic human need, and in all of our brokenness, but what I uh that trying to find the good, but having no basis for it and just going on in brokenness and breaking other people while we're at it. And in the in the midst of all that, I had this aha moment when I realized I when I that most of the other kids around me who just didn't seem to care. I'm like, I actually want to live till tomorrow, and they didn't seem to care about anything, did have didn't have any stability at home. I thought I had a broken family, and I realized, oh, brokenness gets a whole lot worse than what I've seen. And I realized that almost everybody I knew who was getting stoned out of their mind, who was just doing stupid things, like just had no real stability from home. They had a extreme broke came from extreme brokenness a thousand different ways. This wasn't just a music festival, this was a festival of brokenness. And God reached in, grabbed a hold, and started something new. The heart of the gospel is God taking the broken and making it whole. One of the most incredible things in the Bible is at the very end of the Bible, God says, Behold, I make all things new. That God is the only one and only power in the universe who can take something and make it new again. You know, we can rebuild, restore, and restoration is certainly at the heart of that. That's part, a big part of our job as Christians is to come in and bring restoration. But only God can take something and actually bring a newness because he can speak into being that which was not there, and he can speak into our lives. The gospel is the story of Jesus. God sent his son into our brokenness to become one of us, to know our brokenness, to be a part of it, to heal it. He sent him in as a healer, he sent him in with grace. The and the in the heart of the gospel, there's this story of fatherhood from God that's really pretty phenomenal. That God has always presented as a father, but how he fathers us, he fathers us to maturity. In the uh in the beginning, in the old testament, you get a story where God is giving rules, and it's really like God trying to raise children the way we would. You have to give them a lot of uh of rules, but your goal by the time you're all done is for your kids to be grown and be able to set their own rules. You don't want a 20-year-old who's reliant on your punishment in order to be a decent person, you want them to actually have the maturity. Well, the gospel is actually a story of progression from well, you need all these rules in order to be godly and do what's right, and they're it's kind of from the outside, but in Jesus, what we have is incarnational. God becomes one of us, shows us what it's means to live human, to love people, to show compassion, takes the punishment for all the times we screwed up the rules, takes all the punishment on the cross, gives his life in payment for everything we've done. So it starts us over with a clean state, and but it's not just a second chance. The gospel is not just a second chance. Okay, I screwed up the first one, you better get it right this time. It is a starting over with fresh power. He gives us the Holy Spirit is the power to get it right this time. So it is God with us, is at the heart of the gospel. Jesus, one of his names, he's called Emmanuel, it means God with us, and he gives us the Holy Spirit, who is God with us now, so that we can get it right. It it's empowering us to get it right. And this time it's not about a bunch of rules trying to force us from the outside. I always compare it to like trying to play an instrument. I I tried to learn an instrument as a kid, I took lessons, and it just felt like I was just like trying to control my fingers into these difficult piano into this difficult, like, and I just like this is not what music is like. Music is just supposed to be like, I just want to be instantly Jimi Hendrix, I just want to like just be able to play, but you have to get the chords, you have to get the rules. But once you actually get them, there's this empowerment to just like, oh, I just know that stuff. That's just in my soul. I don't have to think, put your right finger on this key, put your left, your pinky on this. Like, I don't even have to think that. That's just like once it's in me, well, that's at the heart of the gospel is this empowerment to just live free, to let God flow through you. Because he says, I will put the I will put my law on your hearts and in your minds. So it's just part of you, so you can just live. So you don't need a rule saying, like, uh-uh, uh-uh, don't touch that. That's bad. Like, you just know, like, I don't want to do that. Like, I just feel I don't like I want to live right. That's Holy Spirit flowing through you. That's the gift that Jesus gave us, not just salvation, not just forgiveness, not just second chance, power to get it right this time, save us from brokenness. That's how we start something new, and that's the kind of that's a forgotten part of the gospel. I I know the gospel is generally emphasized Jesus died for our sins, we we confess our sins, we're forgiven. That is the heart of the gospel. Don't don't get me wrong, it's not the whole gospel. He rose again, he rose to life again, and in him, the power that raised Jesus from the dead, that's the same power at work in me, raise the dead. God doesn't lower his standards, he raises the dead. He doesn't just say, ah, uh, sin's not that bad anymore. I lowered my standards. No, no, he raises the dead. We had no power in our dead selves to get it right, but he raises the dead and he works in us. And now I I suddenly like I I tried this on my own and I had no power, but suddenly I got this. My dad is with me, he's doing this through me.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

I want to interject one question that has two parts, and I'd like for you to speak into the head of the mind that believes that you know, Pastor Chris, you don't know what I've done, and you don't know what's been done to me. For the head or the heart that thinks like that, what do you think the Heavenly Father would speak to them?

SPEAKER_01 21:19

Oh man, I I feel you. Um yeah, first you're not the only one who's thinking that every last person every last one of us is feeling that. Um because nobody has a monopoly on pain. We all got a lot of pain. I I got some pretty deep pains. I I've been taken out where I thought this one's gonna kill me um a couple of times in my life. And uh, you know, I don't wear it on my sleeve, and neither do you. Uh and that's right. You know, I I don't need to come on here and and lay out how life has has taken me down with a bat. Um but it has. And I'm here standing, man. I'm here standing. And um I'm determined to be a good dad through it. Uh, but God does know. God does know. Um, and I I can't answer all the the hard questions about why God didn't prevent it for me and prevent the stuff that happened to my kids, happened to my my dad. Um I can't answer all that. I I can only trust him. That's the way faith works, is you know, you you're not called to to get it right. You're not called, God didn't call you to to fix all your your brokenness. He called you to trust him. That's the one thing he asks for. Trust me, we're gonna get through this together. And um, that's that's the business God is in, right? Like you are his specialty, you know. He's God doesn't look around for perfect cars that he can drive. God is looking for like the worst fixer upper in the world and say, This is my specialty. I'm taking this to the garage. Let's go. I'm gonna uh he is a restorer of souls. That's uh Psalm 23. He restores my soul, and isn't that a great picture? Like, restoration isn't just uh, you know, oh I'm gonna make this nicer. He's not giving a nice facade, like he is a rebuilder of engines and a start over from the beginning kind of God. Like, that's that's you are exactly that's you say, Why would God call me? That's exactly why he would call you. Because like you are you are the perfect model to be God's trophy for God to to get to work. That's that because that's what he does, because he wants a story that is is so good only God could do it. That's going to be your story, that will be your testimony when it gets to the end. I I have had times in my life where my prayer to God was I'm looking at how broken things are right now. And the one thing I can say is I cannot fix this. And I'm acknowledging it now because as far as I can tell, you're calling me to something that's completely impossible, and I'm just acknowledging now I can't do it. So if we get there, God, I'm saying right now you did it. And I can say I've gotten to the other side and say, Well, we got here, and I didn't forget you did this, Lord. You did this.

SPEAKER_00 24:18

Yeah, I've got like two or three thoughts are shooting off. One of them is thank you for sharing that. Craig Gershel said, a lie believed functions as truth, even when it's a lie. And there's lies that we can believe about ourselves, about God, and about others that function as truth, but they're lies. And I'm thinking about those that, you know, I have a friend that I came to know Jesus Christ, uh, and my friend wanted to come to know Jesus as well. And it came to a point in his life that he said, Josh, you don't know what my dad has done to me. And he could not find it within himself to forgive those that have wronged them. And so when we're just thinking about this idea of how to become a godly man or how to be a godly father, it starts with us responding to the gospel and just letting God love us. What it sounds like is that once we receive love of the Heavenly Father, we have to let that love funnel through us that we're loving others the way that He loves us. My friend ended up being seven times worse than he was before as a result of what I would say not forgiving his father, and he ended up dying of a drug overdose on the side of the road in Winston-Salem a few years later. But the stakes are high as it relates to rejecting the molding of the reshaping of what love experience is experienced like? You know, when we experience forgiveness of our sins and love, if we don't let that change us to have the capacity to forgive those that have also trespassed against us, I think it can end up damaging our souls. Does the Bible have anything to say about that? Like, what if I say no, I don't want to forgive? I don't want to give to others what God has given to me in this thing called forgiveness.

SPEAKER_01 26:22

That's a big one, and uh heartbreaking story. And yeah, my my heart goes to to you, man, and to your friend, to his family. Um those it's an interesting thing because we can all tell stories that are anecdotal. This one story is so great, this one story is so heartbreaking. And what's the difference between those two stories? You know, uh, I got there's there's three of us that are are really the the heart of through the word that uh you know from the the founding time. And uh, you know, as as far as dads go, I I've got one of the the probably the best story among us, but uh I had a decent dad. Uh the two other guys, I I actually uh I moved into a neighborhood where my best friend happened to go out, Peyton, he's Peyton Jones is one of the other teachers on the podcast. And I look across right over where I'm looking here, I see the school yard. He went to this middle school right here, and uh and his story with God begins the day that he was in the office, the the principal's office for beating up a teacher the second time. He's beating up teachers because he was getting beat up at home and on a on a regular basis, most of his his childhood. And um, and that's the beginning of his gospel story. He is today one of the godliest people I know, and uh a fantastic dad, fantastic dad. His kids are absolutely loved. He he's got two beautiful girls, and um, and he he loves them and and teaches them very well. He had none of that growing up. Our other founder uh grew up alcoholic mom and uh a bunch of men in and out of his life. He he knew abuse, he knew uh a lot of horrible, empty fatherhood, his only father figure. Now, both of them at some point had a father figure outside of the family bounds, uh a youth pastor, uh a leader. Uh over over here, it was the day that he was in the principal's office. There was a vice principal, there was a sorry, a substitute teacher who overheard his story and was heartbroken, happened to be a Christian believer, and waited for him and walked outside and just shared the heart of the gospel. Jesus died for you, rose again, your sins can be forgiven. Just really simple. Turned around his life. That story turned around his life. He is impacting millions today around the world, and he is and and three of us together running through the word and all trying to raise our kids, do our best. I have stories of God steps into a generation, makes a difference. What's the difference between the the story that that ends tragic and the story that ends with incredible redemption? Why did God pick one and and not the other? Or did God pick both? Trust God that you are the redemption story. If you feel a calling in your heart, not because of anything you've done, that the core of the gospel is you do not earn it, you cannot deserve it. We all the the heart of the gospel is not getting what you deserve and doing things that you are not capable of. Um and it's just trust. It is trust God. That is the number one thing that He asks for. Trust me. I am doing this story in you. You are not the tragedy. Your story does not end here. Now, on that road that you trust him on, you've got to be willing to take the down road up. You've got to be willing to take the down road up. Uh, another one of my best friends uh works in recovery ministry. And in recovery, um, you know, most people are are are hooked in because of something they're not dealing with, right? They they use uh we use drugs as a cover. And once you get stopped doing the drugs, now there's actually facing the thing that you're not dealing with, childhood trauma um and lifetime trauma, all that goes with it. There is healing, but you've got to be willing to take the downroad up. You got to let it out of your system. You have to get through it. And the all the therapies, the help, the the whatever it is, it is a painful road, but is the downroad up. Now, fatherhood is for many of us the thing that presses us. I can't just numb the pain anymore, or I'm going to pass it on to my children. If all I do is numb the pain, I'm going to give them what I received. And I don't want to do that to my kids. And that recognition, understanding of fatherhood humbles us and puts us in a place like, I'm dad now. Like it or not, I'm dad. And I want to give my kids something I didn't have. And you've got to be willing to let God lead you on the down road up, get you to the other side. He will be with you every step of the way. And on the way, what you learn is that it's the heart of fatherhood, is walking your kids on the rough road called life. You know, that's what I do. That's probably my number one job is just walking. My daughter has cancer right now, she's 19 years old, and I'm walking her through through chemo and just being there with her. And I can't pull her out of it. And I see God using it. I see, and and she has a good prognosis. She's got, praise God, a uh a very high, very high healing rate. Cancer's got uh um Hodgkin's lymphoma. Uh, but I can't rescue her and take the pain for. I wish I could as a dad, but I've just got to walk her through it. And I look to God the way He walks me through life. I'm gonna walk my daughter and recognize now she's a young adult, God's gonna walk her with her through it. And I see her growing stronger, I see her growing in godliness, reflecting who God is, suffering with Jesus. And God is faithful through it, man.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

Thank you for sharing that and being transparent with everyone about what your family's going through. And what I want to do is I want you to speak into some practical advice as it relates to I'm a dude without a dad. I'm trying to figure out what are some things that I could start doing this week to start practicing an intentionality as it relates to being a godly father.

SPEAKER_01 32:32

All right, I love this. I was really hoping you go there because we got to get practical. You're right, you know that that's one of the things about fatherhood is the brass tacks. Like you get down to it, rubber meets the road. We are here. My kid is a real human being, very messy. Like, what do you do? So let me give some of like the rules. Like, so I've been a dad, by the way, for oh, 27 years now. 27 years, I think my daughter. And and I I stepped into it. One of the first things at the very beginning is recognition of your identity. One of the the biggest turns for me was knowing I am dad, I don't earn being dad, I don't work towards it, I don't like it's it is who you are. Welcome to to fatherhood. You are dad. It needs to become your identity. There isn't a choice that you're going to keep making. You make that like the choice is made for you, whether you like it or not. I don't know where you're at on that, but you are dad. But it comes with comes with a ton of responsibility and some incredible perks. One of the great perks is you are a hero. Your kid wants you to be a hero. You don't work your way up. You you're not trying to make the the pros and dedicating your whole life to the skills. Like it is kind of an upside down, like you know, most times you you have to work for years. You see somebody who's a hero on TV, and you're like, you're like, you don't know the whole story how they got here. Dad, there's something about kids that just wants their dad to be a hero, it just comes with the name, it is yours to lose. You you are a hero to them. Whatever you do, they want you to be a hero. An absent dad, a kid spends their whole life wishing, wanting, coming up with stories, inventing stories about their dad who they'd never met, who's off being a hero somewhere because it's so wired into them that dad has to be a hero. So you got it. What are you gonna do with it? Well, it starts number one, your first step, humility. It starts with humility. Humility should be your guestone through life of being a dad. Humility means recognizing who you really are, even though they see you with the big S on your chest, they see you 10 foot tall and bulletproof. They they see dad like you know yourself. So walk in humility, know who you are, and start getting real with your kid. They are going to go through a process through your life, uh, through their life of realizing that you're not bulletproof. And that's an important kind of process, but they're going to come to it to realize that that God is, right? My kids are all grown, they're 19 to 27, and and they know I'm not bulletproof, but they know God is. Right. So, so how what are some practicals how to get there? I've got a couple of great guidelines. First, always start with humility. You're not, you're not trying to, you're not fooling anybody. Like your kid just thinks you're wonderful just because of who you are, just because who you are, your sense of humor. They're gonna love your your love for music, they're just gonna naturally like want to to get into the they're they're just they're just gonna connect, right? You just have all that, and all these things that like you didn't connect with your dad because dad wasn't there. You're just like they don't care about that. They your dad, they want you to be great. It's like at the core of them to want you to be great. You're just you could just walk along being yourself, and they want that to be awesome, they're just gonna look at you, but don't fake it, right? And that's what humility helps you, right? That that that that sudden superstardom that you have with your kids is gonna try to push you to fake it. Just humility before God helps you like just be yourself and learning, right? So uh, so yeah, one of the one of the great guidelines for for me is is I'm I'm walking this journey with my kids, on a journey with my kids. You know, one of the one of the things is like, how do I do Bible time with with my kids? And I'm gonna try to to fake it like I one of the first biggest realizations for me, even as a Bible teacher, is I am not the Bible answer man, I am not the the the the the source of all knowledge. If I don't know something, I'm just real with it. I'm real with my kids, I'm real with my real. We you run into something in the Bible, like sitting there reading with your kids, like, what is with that story? You know how you should respond? You should say, What is with that story? You should just be real, you're on a journey through it. Interestingly, the Bible is made to ask questions, like you get early right at the beginning of the story in Genesis. You know, you're 15 chapters in or something, and and you got God asking Abraham to sacrifice his son. What's with that story? That's exactly what your your response is supposed to be. You're supposed to be asking, like, wow, it is supposed to be shocking to you because it's this huge buildup to to God sacrificing his son. Like, who would do such a thing? Such a sacrifice. Yeah, that's God. God would make such a sacrifice for us. So uh don't fake it till you make it. Just be real. Be real with your kids. Your kids will respect you more, and they will learn to be real, right? One of the biggest things they need in their life is to know is humility. So be real with them. Another one of the big practicals that that I always like to say, this one is a life changer for me. When uh when I was a brand new dad, my I think I heard it when my my oldest was two. So I just have one kid and and just learning to talk. And it was it was this simple truth. If you want them to talk about the stuff that matters when they're older, the stuff that matters to you when they're older, you got to talk about stuff that matters to them now. So it was it was this really practical thing, like, yeah, when I want to talk to them when when they get faced with temptation and drugs and sex and and all the the stuff, like I want to be able to talk with them about that stuff. It starts with the humble conversation about what matters to them. And when my daughter was in first grade, I really struggled with this. She sent off to school, and like I tried to ask her, how's school go today? Good. What'd you learn? Math. Like, this is not a conversation, but I figured out like how to look at the world through her eyes. And I it took a bunch of questions. I finally figured out if I ask her what she ate for lunch as a first grade kid, that was fascinating to her. She told me her whole lunch story. I'd ask her, Who'd you play with at recess? She told me the whole story of recess because in her brain, like this is like the heart of the day was lunch and recess. She didn't want to talk about what she learned in math, she wanted to talk about like who she played with, what was going on in the playground. And I and I just sat and first what first graders do at recess is not fascinating for a 20-something-year-old man, but it's her world, so it matters to me. That that little guideline that I figured out there, I took for the rest of their lives. That's one of my huge guidelines for life. Enter their world, which isn't that what Jesus did. He entered our world and and figured out what matters mattered to us and what our pains are and what our struggles are, and he related to them. Do that for your kid. Incarnational dad. Just be part of their life, enter the world, keep talking about, and by the time they get to 12, 13 years old and the temptation stuff come up, they are used to, they have this habit of when I talk about life, I talk to dad. We just it's just a normal part of what we do. So when you have to have the talk, which is a tough one, but they're just used to talking to you about the things that matter to them. And before it wasn't life or death stuff, but now you're talking about stuff that that's really big, but you just build in this habit of like, yeah, we just talk on the way to school, on the way back. Doesn't it's not we don't? I need to have a talk, son. No, we just like hey, we're just talking like we do every day, just take the time to be in conversation, which isn't that what God does with us, isn't that what prayer is? Just always in conversation, bring everything up with God, constant prayer. So that's my uh that's my second one. I got I got one more. We got time for for one more practical.

SPEAKER_00 40:33

Yeah, one more practical, and then I'm gonna share a little bit of what I believe. Um, yes, go there, and then I've got a close uh question for you.

SPEAKER_01 40:41

All right, let's do it. Okay, my last big practical that that I absolutely love. Um, it's what your goal is. What is your goal as a dad? It has to be your goal has to be healthy maturity. You got to want them to grow up. Dads who fight their kids maturing are always trying to hold them back, are always working against. And I the the picture that I paint of it for all your kids are always looking to adulthood, always wanting to grow up. And that drives you crazy. They're wanting, they're they want to to know what what sex is about and what life is about, and what like they're they're trying to grow up. It's in them, it's driven in them. They want to do adult things before they're they're ready for it. And I picture it like picture your kid looking out over a massive, dangerous chasm with this narrow, we're like Indiana Jones style, narrow path over it, and it's incredibly dangerous, and they know it, and you know it, and they've got a tether around them, and you are holding the tether. If you are pulling them back, and they know this is where they have to go, they have to become adults. They know this is what they want. This is adventure, this is dangerous, but it's adventure, it's life, it's everything they ever wanted. And you know, it's it's just it, there's they're scared and you're scared. But if that rope is pulling back, they will fight you, they will fight against you. If you're always pulling them back from growing up, they will fight against you. Let me go, let me go, let me go. If you are standing with them and gently guiding them forward, if you are the pull forward, they will hold tight. They will want to hold it because, like, yes, this is where I need to go, but I sure could use some help because I'm not ready for this. They will want some steadying. So you got to want them to grow up. You got to want them to not to kick them out of the house, get out of my my place, but to like my goal for you in every conversation, every punishment, in every guiding, I want you to grow up. I don't want to be the rules that around you that hold you back. I'm not, these rules are not about holding you back. But hey, you're not quite ready for this thing yet. So I'm gonna give you some guidelines. I'm gonna help you, I'm gonna take away the social media, I'm gonna because you're not ready for all that yet. But I want you to be able to handle this stuff all on your own. They will hold you tight because you are their guide to help them get where they want to go. They all want to grow up. They're kids. That's that's in their nature. So that's it. That's my last practical.

SPEAKER_00 43:06

Yeah, that's so good and so helpful as well. And I'm thinking about the guy that has never heard of through the word. And really, one of the prime reasons that I wanted to have you on the guest as a guest is because I've not gone through a better practice in my you know, 30 years of formation of the going through the word until I discovered through the word Bible app, and I mean that. And so for those that I'm man, it has changed me, my kids, my wife, our company. We use it, you know, as a part of our leadership development pipeline where we have people that I led that are now leading other people through the word. And so for a dude that desires to be the dad they never had, he's gonna need community 100%. He's gonna need God's word. Would you share a little bit about how through The word solves both of those problems. Do you have an incredible story of overcoming the home that you were raised in? Or maybe the father wounds that were placed inside your life? If so, I want to share it with other dudes without dads. Simply go to Dudes Without Dadspodcast.com and apply to be a guest on the show. The reason it's important to share your story is because when you share what God has done for you, it helps other men believe that God can do it for them, and He can. To share your story, head over to Dudes Without Dads Podcast today.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

Awesome. Through the Word is a Bible app, but it's not like any other Bible app you've seen. Typically, what we do with approaching the Bible, that our usual go-tos are either devotionals, which are like you got one verse and you know a light little thing on it. And it's it's good, but the verse is always out of context, kind of shallow. It doesn't really help you at all with like just reading the Bible, or we go to the other end, like I'm gonna read the Bible in a year. We just plow our way through it, and like I am lost in Leviticus, but I'm just gonna keep turning the page and keep going. I don't know what's happening. And you think, like, maybe I can listen to sermons, but that's too long to do every day. What we came up with through the word is a way to read the Bible every day, but have help understanding it. It is that guide right along next to you. I picture a lot of life in this, my analogies are gonna be that is a guide with you while you're reading it. So through the word is a 10-minute audio guide to every chapter in the Bible. So it's not attempting to read the whole thing in a year and getting totally lost in it. It's one chapter a day. And when you read that one chapter, you get a 10-minute guide with somebody to walk you through it, who's telling the story, who's explaining the weird stuff, who's taking it like there's that tough stuff. Like, what is that doing in the Bible? Hey, it's supposed to make you think that. Now you got somebody to explain why it's supposed to make you think that and challenge you to really think about those difficult questions that the Bible does bring up. And and but I so I'm in there, Peyton's in there, and uh we got other guys who are in there guiding you, walking with you. Now, in terms of fatherhood, man, this is this is speaks my my heart. You can listen to it with your kid over breakfast. So I would do it when with my kids on the drive to school. So we're driving to school, we had about a 12-minute drive, so we just play one every day. And if we had a little bit of traffic, hey, praise God, we actually got to actually talk through it. So I just listen and we talk a little bit. Routine is so important, not only for Bible habit, but for fatherhood. You will look back on your life when your kids are all grown like mine are. You will look back and the things that you did will be routine. If you're not doing as routine, you're not doing oh, yeah, I read the Bible with my kids. Well, when well, when I get time, doesn't happen, does not happen. Years will pass and it will not happen. You have to build routine. So through the word is made for routine, built in. It's audio, so literally, you can do it while you're driving, while you're making breakfast, while you're sitting somewhere with your kid. Pick a story. Great place to start if you got kids. It's not before youngest kids so much. I would listen and then use that to help you talk with them. Teenagers can get it great, like middle school and up, easy can get it great, depending on where your kid level is. But I'd pick the stories if your kids are younger. Uh, Daniel's a great place to start. Proverbs, fantastic place to start, brings up a lot of good stuff. Always the gospels are a great, great place to go with with your kids. Kids a little older, Ecclesiastes is really fascinating for I know it sounds like a lot, but it's a great like thinker for older kids who are really challenging with her. Daniel, also great for for teenagers. Um, anyway, the stories are great. Esther is a great one for girls, and it's a great story. Anyway, listen with them and then just talk about it. Now, there's a feature in the app that is community that's called through the word together, where you can share it. Now, if you got kids who are your timelines don't match up at all, or grown kids like mine, and you like, hey, I'm trying to make up for for really lost time. I'd like to do something now. You're actually not only timeline separate, but but you know, different time zones. You are separate. You can each listen on your own and then share an audio message on the app and uh like just a little voice message and say, Hey, this is what I thought today. You share what you thought today. Don't overthink it. You don't have to be a super Bible teacher, you're just on the journey together. You got the Bible teacher built in, you get somebody to walk with you. It's not overwhelming, you get that. Just connect and be on the journey together. That's really the most powerful thing you can do is to not always be the teacher with your kid, is to actually take that's a huge part step of maturity for your kids, is to actually kind of feel like I'm on the level with my dad, uh, my dad. I'm learning with him. That actually makes them feel really grown up. They love to step alongside and be in the journey with you. So it's a great picture to do with your kids to together. So that's what through the word is. It's all free. There's no ads, there's no fees. We we purpose we're really purposeful about that. There's nothing that's gonna block your time with God. We don't go ask him for a bunch of money. God provides for us, we're doing great. We just want you to have a Bible have it. It's free. Just uh and you start literally just search through the word on Google, the app store, it's the first thing you'll find.

SPEAKER_00 49:22

Yeah, I'm gonna have to have to actually push back against uh something that you didn't say, and it's Proverbs. Proverbs is the book to start with. How do you not include Proverbs?

SPEAKER_01 49:33

I literally for fatherhood, man. That is a good, good one. Gotta do Proverbs. That's where actually, when I do manhood talks with my kid, uh with uh with my son, we do manhood talks. Uh, we just open up Proverbs and my uh both the boys who uh um who one's married to my oldest daughter, and I've got a uh uh a suitor for my youngest daughter, they've been dating for a few years now, and uh we just get together and open up proverbs together. That's just that's what we do. It's the simplest thing. We just open up Proverbs, it it sparks conversation, it's simple, and we open up Proverbs together and uh and we walk through it. Um, but uh there is a plan, by the way, just if for fatherhood specifically, there is a plan called Manhood Talks on there that is about manhood that is both great for dads and for dads with father. I made it for specifically for dads who want to didn't have what we had. I got together some of the best dads I know who didn't have dads. I got my favorite dudes without dads. We got together and um and we talked through the issues of manhood um in the manhood talk. So if you're really looking specifically, especially for especially for a father-son, like coming of age series, like how do I guide my son? Check out the manhood talks. It is on the Through the Word app.

SPEAKER_00 50:50

Yeah. And if you're afraid, if you're like, where do I start? Where do I begin? Just reach out to a friend of yours and say, Hey, I don't know how to do this. I need someone to go through a 30-day challenge or a 15-day challenge. Download, well, Chris, how can they get the the app and start utilizing it?

SPEAKER_01 51:07

It's called Through the Word. Just check through the T-H-R-O-U-G-H. So search through the word, go to through the word.org, and it'll that'll send you to uh to either of the app stores to get it. I do want to say you mentioned community with dads. That is a game changer to get a couple of dads together. You feel overwhelmed, they feel overwhelmed, you'll be amazed. Community makes such a difference. Imagine you tried to learn basketball, but you just didn't want to play with a team until you had all your skills really down. So you just played on a playground by yourself for years. You would suck at basketball. You need somebody else, you need to build skills together. Every sport works that way, every skill works that way. You build it together. Fatherhood should be the same. Get together a couple of dads, mentor dads. That's huge. Get together, do manhood talks together with your boys, or do a plan together, a couple of dads and a few kids. I I don't have this figured out. You don't have it figured out, but let's try this thing together. We got a teacher on the app. This is enough. God's gonna get us, but together, man, you watch yourself grow when you're actually got building with somebody that accountability, trying to be a dad together, relating together, get together as dads. One of the best things you can do for your wives if you're married, then like to take your kids out with a couple of dads together and go just do father kid stuff and your wives get a little break. Well, the best thing you can do for your kids is give your wives a break. And for your marriage, that's huge. And for your marriage, absolutely. That is a huge win.

SPEAKER_00 52:41

It's been a joy to have you on the podcast. You're a blessing. Um, what God has done through your efforts and obedience is amazing. I look at you as a minister in the marketplace in many ways, over millions of people that that you're reaching with your app. So thank you for being a guest, and I appreciate you being here.

SPEAKER_01 53:00

Thanks, Joshua. I love it. I love this podcast, love everything it's about. Love you guys who are listening, dudes without dads. God's got you. Trust your heavenly father, he's got you. You are made to be a dad. God is remaking you to be the father that he's called you to be. God's gonna do it. Trust him, God's gonna do it. Thanks, Joshua. I love doing this. Forgiveness is more for you than that.

SPEAKER_00 53:24

I had inner peace for the first time in my life.

SPEAKER_01 53:28

It's just Jesus. Just Jesus.