Coffee and Condoms

COFFEE AND CONDOMS 72: Almost Funny Rappers, Dating, Love Island & Modern Relationship

• Season 2 • Episode 72

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 1:06:29

Send us Fan Mail

Dating isn't what it used to be... or is it?

This week on Coffee & Condoms, the crew dives into one of the hottest relationship conversations on social media. More and more women are saying men aren't as persuasive anymore. A guy asks a woman out, she says "no," and instead of trying again or showing persistence, he simply moves on.

Has modern dating changed because of social media, changing expectations, or are men just respecting boundaries more than previous generations? Is persistence romantic... or is it pressure? The crew shares their own experiences and asks whether today's dating culture has people giving up too quickly.

We also jump into the latest season of Love Island, breaking down the relationships, the drama, the red flags, and why reality dating shows have so many people hooked.

PLUS: 
- Accidentally Funny Rappers. Think JJ Ice Fish and 50 Tyson
- Why we hate 4th of July. From childhood isolation to burn accidents caused by fireworks

As always, expect laughs, disagreements, real conversations, and plenty of audience interaction.

☕ Real Topics.
🌭 Real Talk.
🎙️ No Filter.

SPEAKER_02

I'm looking at them motherfuckers that went through the computer room and opened up the damn window and went out the side in the dark. Them motherfuckers got moved. And the agents had them cleared out. And the next night came back for late night. All the creatures came because we would feed them. So they would all come in, high shit to get some food. They was standing there, all the little light up goddamn Honda's. And then in the back was BMWs and motherfuckers pulled back up, drove around the building, went to that back parking lot, turned around, was like, hey food. The motherfuckers ran again. All that tough got crippling shit. Till them Asians show up. Yeah, they gonna drop Asians is different. The Asians built different.

SPEAKER_06

So we ready? Yeah. Man, X is taking forever. Yeah, this X, this is the blackest I ever seen. You nigga. Hey, listen. I ain't never seen X be this black. He usually show up on white people time. Today he showed up black to the motherfucker. You got the B Rock Obama. 630 turns to 730 fast. We went. That motherfucker, we might shoot two episodes. Not today, motherfuckers.

SPEAKER_02

Not today, niggas. Yeah, for real.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, let's get it five, man. Y'all know what it is.

SPEAKER_02

Shut your ass up, man. Wait till I start winning again.

SPEAKER_06

He's gonna fall asleep at the table.

SPEAKER_03

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_06

He's gonna be like, Domino.

SPEAKER_04

Domino. Wait on like.

SPEAKER_06

Once you woke up, it was. Y'all know what it is. This is coffee and condoms, man. If y'all are wondering why we are sitting up here this evening, it's a Wednesday evening, because we are now monetizing. We are monetizing, which means we are now doing pre-recorded shows. We're trying to get some love, we're trying to get commercials and all that, and sponsorships and all that. So if you are interested, trying to be interested, want to get down, please rock out with us, man. Coffee and condoms. And we will be doing, I don't know what day we're gonna do. We gotta pick out a day that was gonna be regular. But it can't be like today, because X came in this joint boy with in his church suit and black as shit.

SPEAKER_02

Turkey toe shoes on.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, that tan Barack Obama suit, man. B Rock. They looking shiny. Got that linen on. Yeah, that tan linen suit, baby.

SPEAKER_05

Bye. Linen.

SPEAKER_02

Hell yeah. Mr. Max special. I know that suit, boy.

SPEAKER_06

You know, we got my brothers is in the building, man. I'm gonna let them introduce themselves and we're gonna get this motherfucking show started, please.

SPEAKER_03

Man, you know who it is. This is your boy Jay Wilder. And to his side. It's your boy Big Blue, man. The fro is in the building, man.

SPEAKER_06

You my boy Blue.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, but that damn hell.

SPEAKER_06

And as you can see, Miss Newman is not here, but we are representing her with her fan. I'm a fan in the building. You know, I ain't gonna put her business out there because I was I was gonna say something funny, but I ain't gonna put her business out there for Miss Newman is out. Yeah, yeah, I'll let her put her own business out. And I am your man's your funky grandpa, scooter in the building, man. And uh we in here, we just shooting the shit, kicking the Willy Bubbo, we're talking about a lot of different things. Um, I got topics up, but one of the things I want to start off with, and this is my thing. So I want, I want, I know y'all might not watch it if you do chime in, but this is my thing. So I watched Love Island. For y'all that don't know, I'm a reality junkie. And I watch Love Island. And this season is pissing me the fuck off, man. It is getting on my last nerve, and I'm gonna tell you why. Cause all the chicks is doing messed up stuff, and all the dudes is like, but as soon as the dudes do messed up stuff, all the women like, uh-uh, ooh, I can't believe that. And I am I'm out here cussing and yelling at the TV, man. How they doing school. They all like, uh-uh, ooh, ooh. They going in, yo, it's making me mad. Like, yo, like the one dude, right? The one boy, he over there, and he was dealing with a with a like they, you know, they got a thing called Casa Moore, right? So they split up the house. They you're supposed to come on the show and find like your love, right? That's the whole process of purpose of the show. Right. So you go on the show, and you're supposed to you're supposed to meet like the chick that's like the one you're gonna love. But you gotta go through a process. They bring different women on, bring different men on, and you go through the process of I like you, kind of like that person, whatever. That's just something. So then they, when they do the concerts more, that means they split up the house. So you got you done gotten your couple, but now they done split y'all up and they bring in a whole new group of folks to see if you have a better connection to them people over there than they do over there. So the guys and girls get split up, and it's like six dudes, six girls, right? So all the dudes do their thing. They come back from concert more, and all the women, and now they got like tonight it's like TV night, right? So they watching all this stuff that happened on the show. And all the women is complaining about everything the dudes do. But as soon as they mess come up on the show on the screen, and everybody see what they do, they like, oh, well, that's okay, girl. Oh, you deserve it. It's okay. And all the dudes is just like, I'm like, yo, if y'all don't start screaming on these women, dude. I mean, I can get this reality TV, but I be in my feelings.

SPEAKER_02

Simplex 54. That's everybody kissing everybody in the mouth. That's all I heard. I ain't never watched the episode, but if I had to visualize that show, that's simplex 54.

SPEAKER_06

I mean, you hit the nail on the head. That's why I couldn't do no love show, because especially no love dating show. Because if I'm not kissing you first, if I'm not foist, if I'm not the foist dude kissing, I don't want to be the food. Not at all. You're gonna kiss everybody there. You went through the whole lineup and then you're gonna come down here and put your lips on me. Hey, screw you telling people you wouldn't have did love New York. Hell no. Hell no. Uh uh. Nah, because you I I can't do none of them shows because there's just no way, like I said, you gonna, unless I'm voiced, unless you come in like, yo no, it's gonna come here first, then yeah, but uh other than that, and I better be foisted every time.

SPEAKER_03

But if you kiss her first and then she go kiss them other dudes and come back and kiss you.

SPEAKER_06

No, not at all. Once you kiss me, you don't get to come back. So you're gonna get that one kiss that's yeah, right there. Go to go go to bed. Go to bed, brush your teeth, wake up that morning, see me, brush your teeth, kiss me, and then you can't kiss me no more if you're kissing anybody else. I can't do it. I can't.

unknown

Nah, man.

SPEAKER_06

I mean, think about it.

SPEAKER_05

I mean, and I'm not saying just because of my age, I couldn't do it when I was younger either.

SPEAKER_02

That whole find love that way just don't even make sense to me. Like, it's for the drama. It's like love and hip hop.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I'm still waiting on an album from anybody off the show that actually knows. Who actually got right? Man, these people been in hip hop 30 years and ain't never heard a song. Like, I never heard Rashida rap in any kind of way till love and hip hop came out. And then they played her song.

SPEAKER_06

She got that chewed up on my bubble cup.

SPEAKER_02

Ain't that her joint? Again, I didn't know that was even her. And then when I heard that song, I never knew that was her. I never knew that was who to rap that song. Yeah. So again, man, like it's just for the drama.

SPEAKER_06

I think a lot, like on the love and hip hop, like the I love the love and hip hop New York joints and all of them. I think a lot of them is usually old video vixens or like old rappers who either trying to breathe life back into their career or stay relevant or to become relevant again, or they're trying to start something.

SPEAKER_02

I just think, man, really the reality of TV is not reality. So there's not at all. It makes no sense to me. But there's no such thing as TV shows anymore.

SPEAKER_07

That's true, that's true.

SPEAKER_02

You're gonna turn on the TV, man, and watch anything outside of an app, you're gonna end up with some kind of first 48 at first sight, nine days, whatever the shit is. It's all ridiculous. All of it, all of it. Because first 48, they give it up. If you go down the rabbit hole, like I ain't gonna watch, I won't watch none of those love shows. But I'm not gonna miss naked and afraid. Man, them motherfuckers living out in the woods with no draws on, it's hilarious to me. That is the most funny shit on TV.

SPEAKER_06

I watched the date naked, they niggas was my joint. See, I didn't even know they had a date naked. Yeah, they niggas.

SPEAKER_02

Naked and afraid, they out there for 30 days, out there with no draws on, living off the earth.

SPEAKER_06

But you know, they say when the cameras cut on them shows that they they go go go to the hotel room. Probably so. That's what they said. They said they because what's the one joint? Survivor? That that came out about them. They was like, they supposed to be out here living, but then when the cameras go off, they go to the hotel room. They don't even be out there in the woods like that.

SPEAKER_02

Them motherfuckers out there wrestling alligators, chasing monkeys. Naked? Naked as head. Oh man. They come out there wearing 195, they wear them at the end, they 162. They ain't good in 30 days. No, if you want to get in shape, that's where you want to go. You wanna lose weight, naked and afraid. They out there with bombas. The lines out there right outside of them, really? For real?

SPEAKER_03

That's what we're doing right now? Wasn't intentional. I tell you, I'm telling you. Banking hours? Nah, that was my brother. He's calling me from uh not the barber shop. Nah. He worked at a helmet shop. Nah, he that's where he's calling me from. Oh yeah, was that jail for you? Yeah, prison. We all got one.

SPEAKER_06

You know, I I do not. You know what I'm saying? I do not. You know, gotta tell you, gotta tell you, I was raised by my dad. You know what I'm saying? We're just good, wholesome black folks in the Spencer house.

SPEAKER_02

Good, clean, and wholesome. He he been he been home for a minute, but man, you know, you can't dictate what your family does. You gotta love it. I mean, I mean, it happens. It happens. It's crazy though. Like, man, when somebody goes to jail, like, why do they come out and they so much smarter than the rest of the world and they know everything, but you ain't had time to read. Yeah, but you were the oldest, like I love, man, I love family. But I got a family member came home and try to tell me how I'm supposed to live my life out here. Well, you was in there. For a long time.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, you can't tell me nothing.

SPEAKER_02

You can't say nothing to me no more than that.

SPEAKER_06

Nah. Let me tell you about relationships.

SPEAKER_01

If you was had a relationship while you was in there, I don't even want to hear about it.

SPEAKER_06

Dude, I had a cousin win and he did 30 years and 30 plus years and was a church dude when he went in. So I was like, how he wait a minute, you know how he's supposed to that just didn't work out.

SPEAKER_05

I didn't add up in my head.

SPEAKER_02

I was like, I do believe in situations. Like you always say, man, the people always say what they would or wouldn't do. You don't know what you would actually do till you in a situation like that. True indeed. There's a lot of people got guns that ain't gonna bust a grape and a fruit fight. But you got a gun, so in your mind that makes you tell. Squeezing that trigger is not for everybody, man. Like I tell you, I ain't never been afraid of a gun. It's the man holding it. So man, God ain't made that man I'm afraid of it like that. But in a situation, a scary man would do the most insane shit. Yeah. And a dude in love. Ooh, a dude. Baby mama, baby daddies, boy.

SPEAKER_06

Let me tell you, one of the realest in-love conversations I ever had with a mug, right? So I'm I'm stationed in Korea at the time. And it was this dude, I can't think of the brother's name. But his wife was cold, right? I mean, she was um, what's the joint down in Louisiana? Um Creole. She was Creole. I had never seen a Creole woman before. Oh my gosh, she was beautiful, dude. One of the baddest joints I ever seen in my life. And I'm young, I'm I'm probably at the time, maybe just 20 years old, I think. 20, maybe 21. And she would always come to the barracks. Like we'd have all like all our little military parties and stuff or whatever, and she would always come and find time, find her way to come talk to me all the time. Now he was older than me. She might have been roughly around my age, a little year or so older. And she was, you know, we would always chop it up, we'd chop it up. And uh, I remember one day we had a little, I'm I had CQ, so I'm sitting on the front desk, they having a barbecue outside. She comes in and finds herself talking with me. She's in there for a long time talking with me. We just talking. And I remember the next day I got off CQ and he called me up to his room. And he was cool, me and him was cool. We was talking, I was sitting in his room, he was talking, I'll never forget. He was so polite and so cool about it. And we was talking, talking, and he was like, Yeah, yeah, and I'm joking with him. And he said, You know, man, it ain't but two things in life. I'll kill somebody behind. And I was like, Well, yeah, I feel you. What you talking about? You know, I'm still not picking up what he's putting down. He was like, Um, yeah, my money and my woman. And I was like, Yop, yop, yop. And he was like, nah, I need you to understand what I'm saying, school. I don't play with my money and I don't play about my lady. And I was like, is he talking to me indirectly? Y'all conversation is about to stop. Right. So at that moment, I was like, ah, yeah, cool. When I walked out, he was like, I just wanted to make sure we had that conversation. When I walked out, I was like, and you know, I still was a little green. So when I got down to my man's room, he was like, yo, you know that cat was just letting you know what's up, right? And I swear, I think he might have, because in Korea's a hardship toy, you're not supposed to bring your family, right? But he had his wife. I think he shipped her out after that, dude. And I ain't never heard from him or her again. Like, he wasn't there too much longer, and then he ended up leaving. But I remember thinking, like, dude, okay. I once it sunk in, I was like, you know what? Don't be talking to her no more. She sees me, I'm gonna be like, beep, beep, beep, beep up the other way, yo.

SPEAKER_02

The first time I seen a dude spaz on me was over a chick. Me and him, we had came to Baser together, we had done ART together, man. He introduced me to this girl. And then NTC, I seen this girl in the club, but because he's my partner, I'm buying her a drink, man. I'm making sure she's solid. But I'm doing that because that's my man. I'm not doing it to get this girl.

SPEAKER_07

Right.

SPEAKER_02

But somebody else seen us all the time. So man, when he out there, they tell him, like, hey, you laughing your man up here talking to your girl and rah rah rah. Nah, that ain't what's happening. So, you know, fast forward, he does his little deployment thing, come back. Me and dude, we interviewed, we hooped, and I done ran into the court a couple times. We sitting on the bench, I'm changing out my sneakers. And I'm like, you wanna go grab something to eat, man? I'm about to go to Popeye's, I'm about to wax out normal conversation. Right. And dude, like literally dropped his bag and just turn around. Hey, you gonna try to play cool with me? Man, we done kicked it this whole time. We done played five games, and now you mad? But I wasn't getting what he was mad about.

SPEAKER_07

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_02

Smashed out, flipped. Man, hey, you told me how you trying to holler at my girl and you did this and then hold on, partner, man. I don't care what they told you. I was gonna fight before Popeyes. If you let me get this two-piece of that red beans away, man, I'll kick that ass full right quick. But the thing is, man, when you messing with somebody and if a dude really in love, yeah, the first thing he always try to do is play like he ain't. Yeah, I don't give a fuck about it. Anybody that say that to me right there, I don't fuck with you no more. Cause man, I know what you at. Yeah. You really truly love that old gal, man, and ain't nothing gonna change that shit.

SPEAKER_06

I hate dudes when they try to front and act like they not in love. You know what I mean? Own your stuff. If that's your if that's what you into, if you went to the lady and I said, because you know it's a lot of dudes that try to front. You know what I mean? Like I had a cat one time, and uh we was hanging, and he had we went on a double date. I'll never forget, we went on double date, mind you, his lady was bad. I was like, Oh, I can't wait, and it was a blind date for me. I was like, oh, I can't wait. That chick came down the steps like one jump scooter. That's the turn of the military. You kidding me right now. Yeah, and I was like, yo, I was like, she looked.

SPEAKER_02

Man, she looked just like me. No, she does not that she looked like you if you were still sleeping.

SPEAKER_03

You close one of your eyes and look at me, then you will see her.

SPEAKER_06

He came down. He's like, man, I was like, What she looked like? Man, you see how a girl I'm with look like, right? I'm like, yeah, I'll just be old.

SPEAKER_02

Tell me if I'm jumping on a grenade, don't because then I can prepare myself better. Yeah, I could be. I know I'm just here to run interference. So the military, if you get a big one for the team, they gonna bring a friend. If you go somewhere, you taking your partner with you. You never go by yourself.

SPEAKER_03

You gotta have a good wingman. I I've been a wingman several times, man.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I would have you jump on a grenade, though, boo. I really would.

SPEAKER_03

When I was single, I wingman, I would definitely wing you.

SPEAKER_02

I would definitely throw you to the grenade. Maverick. Y'all would have been the same.

SPEAKER_06

Oh no, I think Blue might be a horrible wingman, dude. Nah, bro. Uh no, let me tell you, Blue tried to be a wingman for me one time. Blue oversells it. He set it up, right? He hit he he'll he hit you with the lob, right? But then jump and block your shot right behind it. I block your shot, man. Blocky shot right behind it. Then come behind it and dunk it on his own. Like he changed jerseys in the middle of it.

SPEAKER_03

No, I threw this, I threw the lob up, and then I think you know, because scooter not that tall, I had to be down so you can jump off my back to get the back. Blue set you up.

SPEAKER_06

Blue be like, yo, man, I got this friend, da da da da. And she be like, okay, well, I'll be cool to me. And you know, he's sitting right near us a little bit. You know, he gotta keep acting, keep acting. I'll be like, man.

SPEAKER_02

I'm like, Blue, you already set it up. Let me let me do the work. So you basically say blue do like I do when about to bring you out to the stage.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I'm about to bring up my man Scooter, but hey, I got three more minutes of meat.

SPEAKER_06

I didn't know what he was saying, but I thought that is exactly what he did. That is exactly what he does. If y'all don't know what we're talking about, let me lay it out for you. J. Will has a habit. Every time we do a show and he gets ready to bring me out, he be like, yo, this man coming to the stage is a brother of mine. We shoot the podcast, coffee, and condos, man, and every Saturday, you know, we do our thing, man. We've been rocking forever, you know what I'm saying? So I make sure y'all give me the energy when he comes out, you know, because this is my brother. So, you know, man, the other day, I was I was walking to the store.

SPEAKER_08

I wanted to get me some chicken.

SPEAKER_06

And he would go into a whole new set, and I be back then like, yeah. So you know, when I bring him out, y'all gotta get that energy. Man, I was talking to my wife, and then what she had said was, yo, one time I fell asleep, and I wasn't like, it was like school.

SPEAKER_02

I was like, I would defend myself, but this derogatory statements that they're making about me, what I be trying to do is capitalize the moment. Is that what's trying to do? Is that what it is? At least that's a lot of my tale.

SPEAKER_03

Help my brother out, man. You know?

SPEAKER_02

I don't think y'all believe me anyway, so y'all know I'm lying.

SPEAKER_06

I'm gonna tell you, Blue did Joe John the other night when we was out at at the at the at the porch light. Porch light, is that what it's called? We went there. Mind you, it was an open mic. It wasn't but about two people, three people in the building outside of us. Right? And it was a bucket, it was a bucket join. You said you had to put your name in the bucket. So Blue put his name in up and puts my name in. And so we the only ones telling jokes at the time. So dude's like, yeah, Blue, you can talk and do whatever. Blue said, What? And got up on stage, dude. He turned the mic off. And and let me tell you, he did everything but DJ up there. Blue talked and talk, more people walked in. Let me talk about y'all next. So I said, man, Blue, say somebody for me, man. I want to talk about some trash too. I want to do some crowd work. Blue was like, man, yeah, man, I got it. And kept on talking. Dude.

SPEAKER_04

I was like, and let's play Sharp Brother Scoop. He was like, hey, my man got a super only bitch. He said, hey, my turn. That's exactly what he did.

SPEAKER_06

JT. JT. I said, man, I'm gonna have to fight to get on the microphone. Blue was up there talking.

SPEAKER_02

Yo, great movie. Great movie. I was just watching the clip the other day where JT was singing. He's so tired of this shit.

SPEAKER_08

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, that's it with the Justin Casing on him, didn't he? Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, take this. Hold up tight. Flash was a punk.

SPEAKER_06

I ain't like Flash. I like Flash. Damn. Yeah, I couldn't stand Flash. Flash and that. He he was he was he was trying to be in their group from game one, hating on him from day one.

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna be honest with you. My favorite group in there, man, is Bird. Bird Knife out. What song? It looked like Tony Terry. That's the story of Tony Terry right there.

SPEAKER_06

Bird look like uh uh uh Andre West. He looked like Andre.

SPEAKER_02

Hey, let's talk about Andre West Bird from yellow out.

SPEAKER_06

I was just the young boy still playing with my why was he bouncing the ball like that?

SPEAKER_05

Background dancing.

SPEAKER_02

This is the background, it was the background singers for me. Yeah, they was running around for real.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, no, they told the other all the girls in the front, yeah, act like they ain't no good. Yeah, but jumped down and he was like, these chicks for us.

SPEAKER_06

Came in and did his thing, made his girl got a squamin'. She was like, consistent.

SPEAKER_03

I I can do that movie word for word. Man, me too. I love that movie. Me too, me too.

SPEAKER_02

My brother, we grew up, man, and that was one of our favorite movies, man. We knew it line for line, so we be places and quote lines for the movie. Yeah, set each other up. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

Me and my brother do that with all movies. Juice, House Party. House Party is another one that's like that for me. Man, five heartbeats. Man.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

You know, he tells you whenever me and my brother talk, we go to describe a female, I'd be like, man, good hair. He be like, bang, undeath body, pow pow. That's it. Yo, you can't. That's true, man. So look, he was talking, we're gonna work it list the way how we work it, right? So look, we was talking earlier about hip hop's worst. Rappers. Mm-mm-mm. Because I feel today, I'm gonna be honest, I feel in today's industry, now in the 21st century, it's more trash rappers now.

SPEAKER_02

Anything else than ever before. Than ever before.

SPEAKER_03

Well, I mean, to be famous now, you just need a phone.

SPEAKER_02

Gotta go viral, bro.

SPEAKER_03

You're going viral makes money.

SPEAKER_02

It's not even quality of music. It's not the production. It's none of that. It's go viral. If you can get something catchy. That's why other night I came out to that spin that shit. Man, it's a TikTok song to me. I didn't even know it was a real song. I had to do the history on them. So then when I finally spoke to it. When you came out to it, I was like, what the hell Jay will coming out to it? Because I told you I had to come and talk shit. Man, now I really hear chicks like shit. If I'm fucking with this dude, he's gonna have to spin that. And they do the little hand gesture with it. So that shit was heavy on my mind, and I was like, man, I gotta get this off my chest. But I came out to it at the fan club, man, and the women in there were singing the song, bouncing, and I was like, that's why I came. I was like, man, if you fucking with a real one, you're gonna have to pay that shit.

SPEAKER_06

That's crazy. I remember this man, they was flipping you off. That's when you first learned to flip somebody off when you was a kid.

SPEAKER_02

Man, go ahead. But that's the new relationship thing now, man. Like these women are looking for this fantasy dude. I want a thug with a master's degree or a doctorate. Right. I want him to make six figures, but he can't hustle.

SPEAKER_06

Right? Six figures he can't hustle. You know, need a job, but it gotta be a job that can take me all over the place and put me on a boat where I could be on bikini all the time.

SPEAKER_02

I want to be on vacation, but I still want this man to pay all the bills. So when are you gonna be able to pay all the bills and you on vacation and spend time with you if he got to work? Like you make this oxymoronic idea. And I say the same thing about men. Like you want a woman at home that that cook, clean, take care of you, but yet at the same breath, you want her to be the fly's chick and you want her to when you step out.

SPEAKER_06

I see, I don't think a lot of men think that way, like to be honest with you. I mean, maybe, maybe these younger boys do. I don't really know. I feel like most men just really want a solid woman nowadays.

SPEAKER_02

You know what I mean? Like, but now because women are in this toxic male state, it's where they can do for self. Their mindset is, man, you can't tell me I'm gonna be independent and then turn around and tell me to take care of you. Like that makes no sense to me. If you're independent, then you take care of you. We can join forces and take care of each other in turns if that's what you want to do. Yeah, but don't tell me I'm an independent, I can do all this for myself and then trying to ask me for something. Because I'm gonna turn around and say, if you can do it for yourself, what are you asking me for? Yeah, go change the time. But now all of a sudden, I'm the bad person because I don't want to spend my money on you. Well, if you make as much as I make, then why am I spending my money? You got your money. We better together. If you want it, then go get it.

SPEAKER_06

So that brings me into the topic topic, the number one topic, right? Since we're talking about this, we're gonna jump on this. So I saw this video where a woman said that uh men are not uh persuasive anymore, right? They ask you out, you say no, and then that's that, right? And I'm like, well, hell yes, that's that. If I ask you out, like, first off, I grew up in a time where they say no mean no.

SPEAKER_02

And again, you know what I'm saying? They definitive on that. It's that whole mentality, like, you remember the whole beef that was going around where if you take them to Applebee's, man, there was a whole lot of back and forth, and but here's the coldest part. If you want me to take you to the roof crisp, man, you knew I was going with it. If you want me to take you there, and I choose to do so, then come on, get in the car, get your ass a nice juicy steak, man, and enjoy yourself. But if you're not that quality of person, that's where I want to take you, I'll maybe take you to Applebee's to see if you are worthy of going. Yeah. Again, sometimes, man, I think we put the cart before the horse. Like it's that whole thing, it's like the way you date now. You go on Tinder, you swipe, you pick the picture, and then everybody wanna holler, well, it shouldn't be physical. Well, then how did you meet that person? Because you didn't talk to them. I read a profile. You read my profile, I'm six foot three. Yeah. Then when you see me, you gonna know that I'm six of the three. I don't have a profile.

SPEAKER_06

I had a joint, let me tell you, I had a joint one time, and this is back when I was heavy on the little dating sites, and I had a joint one time. She was like, yo, let's meet. So we met out near uh um, what's the joint, the mall up there in Seattle? I'm not Seattle, South Center. Well, I was up South Center, somewhere up in that area. It was a restaurant somewhere over there. So I pull up, I'm at the restaurant. Mind you, I'm already like, man, I kind of drove out my way. You know what I mean? So I'm like, all right, but it's cool. I'm sitting there, I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting. I'm like, yo, I said, oh, you know, I realized I didn't shoot her my number. I only had her number, right? But uh, we was messaging on through the site. So I messaged her, like, yo, what's good? Mind you, it had been like 30 minutes. And mind you, I was already like, okay, I done been here 30 minutes too long. You got five more. Yeah. So, but I'm trying to be cool because we had had some decent conversation. So I'm like, yo, you know, yada, yada, yada, stand the third. So finally she hits me like, yo, um, I said, yo, what's up with you? What? She like, oh, I popped in and I seen you, and you wasn't my style. She tried to say, I mean, you look like a little Muppet. And I was like, oh. Now mind you, we was talking about being adult and how we was real adult and blah blah blah. And I was like, oh, so that's what you do. You gonna insult the dude and not even come up. I said, You talking about you was a grown woman. Well, I mean, I was grown enough not to respect. I said, but then you gonna try to kick dirt on my name? And I dude, I went in. I don't even remember when I said it, right? This might have been the start of me doing comedy, because I it was it was the it was definitely to the city. I went in, because I was like, hold up. Like, but the fact was, like, you supposed to be in a grown-up woman. That was the whole thing she was kicking the whole time, right? I'm grown this, grown that. And then for you to show up and not even be woman enough to be like, hey, look, you know what? Let me sit down. You could have sat down, had a drink, and said, you know, you I'm not that you're not my style.

SPEAKER_02

You really not my type, but since we're here, we already conversated, let's just conversate for a few minutes. Had us drink just so that man, I ain't sitting here waiting no longer. Right, right. But that's that's the other side of it. Like, man, people want to holler, it's not a physical thing.

SPEAKER_07

Right.

SPEAKER_02

But conversations are fugazi. So, like, man, that whole mentality is who nobody's gonna tell you they red flags up front. Yeah. Like, if you meet somebody and they tell you they red flags up front and you didn't run, then you deserve everything that you get. That's my mentality.

SPEAKER_05

I agree.

SPEAKER_02

But I me being married, as long as I've been, I watch and I listen. But like me and my wife, the first thing we always say is we can't deal with single people problems because we don't have them. Yeah. We can listen to them, but we can't give you advice because we don't have them problems. But because we've had them problems, that's what makes our marriage work. We knew when we came into our relationship what we didn't want. That was the easiest conversation to have. Right. Trying to explain what you wanted is hard because man, people are gonna change. And if you don't grow, then your relationship ain't gonna last anyway.

SPEAKER_06

I'm gonna put this out there to all you single women out there, especially y'all in the Northwest, because I am convinced that y'all are confused and don't know what the hell y'all want. So I'm gonna go ahead and put it out there. What is it y'all want? Time in. Text, type, type, whatever, so we can answer back. Because that's real talk, Jay. I mean, real talk. Because it's like a lot of these women sit back and play this whole innocent woo-woo woo, da da da. You know, I just want somebody that's cool and be good to me. And then you hook up with them or you meet them, and then it's like, well, and it be out the window.

SPEAKER_02

My favorite line is my type is, and then when I look at the people that you had in your life, none of them fit that type. Yeah. And you tell me this is what you want, but then when I see you get someone, it's nothing on that list that you just gave. So I be wondering, like, are you just practicing? Because you know, practice make perfect. Like, when I made my kids, my kids came out perfect because I tried to practice as much as possible to make the perfect baby. But that's the thing. If it becomes a physical relationship, yeah, a lot of times the emotional never develops because man, I like helping you, but I don't like to talk to you.

SPEAKER_06

All right, here goes a serious question. All right, y'all ready? Oh shit. It's coming from. Nah, nah, nah. I'm saying serious question, though. Sex before the relationship, or should you get into it first? This is me asking fellas now, because you know, women love to be like, I wait, I make a full wait. Sex before y'all get serious, or should you wait?

SPEAKER_02

I'm gonna be the first one to tell you. We ain't hump, ain't no relationship probably gonna happen. It it depends on the situation. Uh-uh. Depends on the situation.

SPEAKER_03

What situation is that? Well, no, if you if y'all are vibing, y'all have a good time and y'all mature, you can take it from right then and there to there. But that's not the relationship. But no, I'm just saying to know each other.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, sex before the relationship. So we boyfriend, girlfriend, and we ain't never did it.

SPEAKER_03

Well, I mean.

SPEAKER_02

Oh, because man, that's like getting that's like the whole sex before marriage.

SPEAKER_03

Every car gets test driven. You know, sex before marriage.

SPEAKER_02

I tell people, if you're gonna get married, you should live together at least a year, man. Because all that we spend the night at each other's house, that is not getting to know that person. Yeah, you will never know a person until you have lived with them. And I'm talking about y'all share the same space, the same kitchen, same living room, same bathroom. Because man, there are people who have habits that are not yours. And when you move into a house together, you're gonna find out the shit that you say you won't do. If you really want that person, you're gonna change that whole philosophy. If you don't want that person, as soon as that shit pop up, you're gonna be ready to run.

SPEAKER_06

It's hard for me to have somebody stay with me. And I'm gonna be honest, because I've been living on my own for so long. It's hard for me to be like, you know, I feel if I was to get into a serious relationship, we'll have to get another crab.

SPEAKER_02

Man, because right now we're in my spot. You know what I mean? That's the other one. If y'all do decide to live together, do not move into each other's spot. Because man, if this was my spot and you move in, you still a guest in my eyes, because this was my spot. It's my spot. Like me, my man cave is my man cave. Somebody move in, you can't come put no flowers up in that area. That's a non-flower area. I don't care about the living room. Put hang curtains in there. But this spot of here got this reclining this big screen. That's all I needed to have. Yeah, yeah. The other side of the reason why I say sex before, don't get married before you have a sex. Because, man, if you get somebody who you are not compatible with and you're talking about you're gonna live together forever, that shit ain't gonna last another 30 minutes.

SPEAKER_06

People don't understand that, man. Like, they might say it ain't always about sex. It's kind of about sex. It kind of is. It's like 50-50 about sex. Because truth be told, I don't care how much we like each other, if the sex is whack, I'm gonna find a reason not to like you. And don't act like you're not gonna find your way out the door, too. Like, any women love to talk that trash, right? Like, you know, ah, it ain't all about sex, it's not about this and that. But if the sex whack, she got a sister's best friend, she's gonna go and be like, girl, how's the sex?

SPEAKER_02

But it's crazy because man in society, a woman can say a man ain't shit, and other women gonna take heed. Let a man say a woman ain't shit, and they knock on the door, he's gonna say your partner gonna be like, shit, bruh, she wouldn't do that for you, but for me. And they gonna still go try to holler. Like, you can't talk of a brother off another chick.

SPEAKER_06

Not at all. Not at all.

SPEAKER_02

Because again, everybody's gonna change for what they want. If you really want something, you're gonna sacrifice for it. Yeah, true that. Man, marriage is a sacrifice. Like for happiness, there's some days I can't say what I'm thinking. Because man, my wife is one of them type people. How long you've been married, Jay Well? 25 years and I don't even marry, Blue. On the fourth, it'll be 14 years.

SPEAKER_07

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

But my wife is one of those, we can start an argument seven months from now. She's bringing us something from four years ago. She don't forget shit. We just didn't talk about it then.

SPEAKER_07

Right.

SPEAKER_02

So for her mindset is if it's gonna win that argument, she's gonna bring it up. She's gonna bring it up. See, for me, she's not gonna get the argument. Because what am I gonna argue for? I'm not gonna win. Because at the end of the night, when I roll over and say, baby, you sleep, and she says yes, that's an L right there for me. So I'm not about to argue with you. Go ahead and say what you because in an argument, most women are gonna tell you what you did wrong, right? What you need to do to fix it, but you gotta let them talk. See, our mindset is to win. So as soon as they say, Man, you didn't take out the garbage and you ain't shit in bed and you cheated on me. Well, I ain't about to argue that cheating thing, because that's not a winnable situation for me. I'm gonna argue that one about the garbage, because when we go in the kitchen, the garbage is outside. I know I took the garbage out. Right, right. Them other two, I'm not gonna win though. So I'm only gonna cut her off and go, I did take the garbage out. You wasn't in the kitchen. And I'm gonna argue that point.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

But then in the argument, you're gonna start to yell. And once you start to yell, it ain't even the original argument anymore. You're now trying to say shit to hurt each other. Yeah. And you can't take that shit back when you married to him and live with them. See, when you dating, I can call you a bitch and hang up.

SPEAKER_05

But see, you know what?

SPEAKER_06

Nah, so here's my my my theory on that though. Because if I'm into you, we in a relationship and we get to beefing. I feel if I say disrespectful shit like calling you a bitch, then I'm really not I like I just can't see calling a woman I'm caring about a bitch. I can see calling a jumbo of a bitch. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02

See, if she started to cut deep and it's deep enough to win that argument, you're gonna go with what's gonna, like for me, I could bring back my wife's past. And if I do that, that's when my wife knows I'm trying to cut low. Because I don't really give a fuck. Like whoever you was with before me don't matter to me.

SPEAKER_07

Right.

SPEAKER_02

Again, like I say, you had to practice, I had to practice. We did not come into this thing squeaky clean. Well, I my wife knows a lot about my past. Does she know everything? Fuck no, because there's no situation in the world you're gonna know everything about the person you're with. Anyone tell you that they do, they line. Okay. Because again, there are some things I'm gonna take to my grave. There's things she's gonna take to her grave. I'm never gonna ask because I really don't want to know.

SPEAKER_03

That's true.

SPEAKER_02

Should you know everything about your woman? It is impossible, bruh.

SPEAKER_06

So you're saying it's okay for your lady to have some secrets? My wife has secrets.

SPEAKER_02

It's not if it's okay if she has she has them.

SPEAKER_06

Secrets of the past or secrets in general?

SPEAKER_02

The past. It's all the past because everything she's doing since I've been there, I've been there.

SPEAKER_06

Okay.

SPEAKER_02

So that can't be no secrets. So no new secrets. There's no such thing, new secrets. We together. Right. So anything that happens now, it's us.

SPEAKER_03

It couldn't happen before me. You don't have to tell me. I was always told, don't ask a question that you really ain't ready for the answer for. I told my wife a long time ago, man, we we were single before. Let's let it be there. Man. Because if you find out that I smashed one of your homegirls, or I find out you smashed one of my partners, and now we sitting there and we with them, and it's all awkward, and my man, you like.

SPEAKER_02

But see, the craziest thing about it scenario, my wife has had sex with people that I have met. But it was before me.

SPEAKER_07

Right.

SPEAKER_02

But what my wife did was make sure I knew everything about that person and what their situation was before I went in there. So this dude came. Yeah, I agree with that.

SPEAKER_06

Don't have me come walking in the room unarmed. Really foo foo. Yeah, yeah. Have me sitting up there, you know, yo, Tush, that's like your brother.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, yeah, he likes my brother. We best friends. We grew, yeah, we like grew up there.

SPEAKER_02

No giggling shit. Yeah. You smiling in my face. So what you show me. Bruh, I know who you is and what you used to be. Yeah. So if I chose to be in the presence of you, that means I have no, I've heard. So I know what the situation is. There's no fear of you. Like again, it's crazy to me because when I take my wife home to North Carolina, she don't know none of my family like that. She don't, she wasn't raised around none of my people. So anything they tell her is brand new to her.

SPEAKER_07

Right.

SPEAKER_02

But now that we've been together 25 years, that's her family too.

SPEAKER_07

Right.

SPEAKER_02

She they done told her all these crazy stories. So at this point, now when they bring them up, it's just general conversation. But if I didn't tell her first, like this is my cousin, she gets drunk, she's gonna say this, this, and this, and this is what happened. Again, I wouldn't want her to hit her in the face and then she's the only one that don't know. Because that makes her look like the fool.

SPEAKER_06

I mean, I I guess I could feel that if I'm bringing my lady home and you wanna meet my lady, like you gotta, I'm gonna arm you. But I also just I don't know. I just I don't I always felt like this. If you my lady, there shouldn't be no secrets.

SPEAKER_02

See, but again, there's some things that you don't want to know. Like, there's no statute of limitation on some shit. Yeah, yeah. So therefore, my mindset is if you did this and then I see you and I know, and I'm gonna act accordingly. Because man, you hurt the person I care the most about. But by cause I don't know, when we around that person, you don't act differently. Or if I notice you starting, you don't want to be here. I'm gonna ask, like, hey, what's up?

SPEAKER_07

Yeah, what's up with that?

SPEAKER_02

But I know my wife's not gonna tell because my wife knows me, the person. She knows that, man, all the funny and the ha ha and the joking is all cool. But y'all all been around me. You know there's a certain line that I play to.

SPEAKER_07

Right.

SPEAKER_02

Once we cross that line, we're on a different level. We don't, we don't go past that line. That's like I don't call grown men out their name. I don't, you never gonna hear me, hey, but you a I wish I would, because you can't do that to me, so I'm not gonna do that to you. And when you choose to do that to me, then that's when we can, you over that line, we can handle that.

SPEAKER_06

See, now, see, that's the thing I think too with with changes. Well, I don't say I ain't gonna say it changes with age, because some of us carry that way all the way. Like, for me, I I ain't never really ever been a dude to be like, well, I ain't gonna say I ain't never done it. Maybe when I was younger, I might have. But if I called you, if I said you was this type of dude, that meant to me you was that type of dude. You know what I mean? But like, not like I ain't never really got into with, like you my brother, you somebody I rock with. We're not doing that. Why am I disrespectfully calling you anything other than, you know, I might say, man, F you, you know what I mean? But that's to me, that's conversational.

SPEAKER_02

What? Why? Man, you don't really mean that. But when you calling me out by name, yeah, man, you calling me and you repeatedly do it, that's how you really feel about me. So to prove the point that I'm not none of those things, I'm gonna act the way I know I stand on ten toes to do. Drunk people and kids tell the truth.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Angry, but they say drunk mouth speak a sober tongue. Man, dang. I I I I meet a person and I place you in the position that you are when I meet you.

SPEAKER_02

I bet you anyway.

SPEAKER_03

You change the mindset, you change how we are. Like there's a few people in the last few weeks that change how we really are. And I didn't change. I've been the same cat, thrown out, suit on, handsome. This guy, yeah.

SPEAKER_06

I tell cats all the time if I don't rock with you, something wrong with you, it ain't me. Yeah. Because I'm one of the most likable cats out there. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02

I've seen how you done people. I've liked you don't rock with them. There's an energy that you emit, sir. And if they can't feel it, they can see it.

SPEAKER_06

I seen Blue turn around and do the same guy. No other. Even dirtier than all that, man.

SPEAKER_02

But that's the other thing in relationships. Like when you first meet somebody, it's an introduction, it's a get to know each other process. So if you jump into bed with that person right off the rip and then now you want to talk, if the shit didn't compact, like y'all weren't compatible, there's gonna be nothing for y'all to talk about.

SPEAKER_06

So here's what I always say, right? I I don't see nothing wrong with sex on the first night, and I don't see nothing wrong with sex a couple nights from now, whatever. Because if I meet you and we know each other for a whole year, and we never slept together, and then that one day we end up sleeping together, and I never call you again, you still a one-night stand. No matter how long we talked. Just because I knew you for a year, you still a one-night stand.

SPEAKER_03

I never called you again technically.

SPEAKER_02

But yeah, the other side of that is if we've known each other for that long and we never slept together, that go to show we really didn't have an interest in each other. By the time we finally sleep together, it's because we have literally weeded out everything else about each other that we didn't like. F Z. Man, we didn't got to know each other. So that's not that FC.

SPEAKER_06

So you've been sitting there all that time just waiting.

SPEAKER_05

But see the other side of that. Do dudes friend zone women?

SPEAKER_02

No. Do they? No, we just wait for them. That's really what it is. We don't friend zone. X, you built different. You got money.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. When you got that Obama suit, when it comes to the city. That tangled Obama when we got a big one.

SPEAKER_02

I've been to the house, sir. I mean, I guess I done friend zones.

SPEAKER_06

I mean, I don't, I don't know if I see the reason I don't say it's friend zoning, because I either rock with you or I don't. You know what I mean? Like if I see, I don't like being the. Any woman that I'm into, I'm not necessarily a friend with.

SPEAKER_02

You know what I mean? Cause I'm into you. See, I don't do the fallback. Like, you're not gonna have me around when the one that you want to do. Yeah, I'm not your glass case. Yeah, the one that you thought you wanted. Yeah, no. I'm not that dude. Like, if I shoot the shit with you, we shoot the shit. We talk, we just talk. And then if it physically happens, that's some really it's been on some mutual. We've been trying to get this shit to pop off that way for a while. But the other side of it is when I just don't like you and I don't vie with you like that, I won't sleep with you. Like, again, I think a lot of dudes make the mistake of sleeping with a woman and then letting that be the basis of the relationship. You want to come through when you want something. But you're telling her everything she needs to hear so she keeps giving it to you. Vice versa. Women would do that to men. Sleep with them to hold them on so they don't go nowhere. And then every time they get ready to venture off to go find what they actually looking for, right? Sleep with them again to hook them back. Like, see, this is what see I don't like that shit because you play with people's emotions that way.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, everybody, everybody plays that uh when you're single. A lot of people play that game, you know, and it's somebody don't want to be lonely. I got a partners called that jump in. Relationships. Fall in love. I call them suckers for love. I call them suckers for love. I'm like, yo, fam, you just met Shorty. She done won.

SPEAKER_06

Fall in love. I done fell in love 2000 times. I I suckers for love killed me. I can't stand a sucker for love. Get out of a relationship, gotta be in, gotta be in a relationship, dude. I gotta have you breathe. I call it. Breathe, you just got out of it.

SPEAKER_02

Prior to my wife, anybody I thought I loved or I ever said that to, I was lying. And I can say that shit honestly now. Because none of the shit that I feel now was any of that. And I now know that because what I'm actually married to is what I'm saying. You be telling women you love them, Jake. I used to, yeah. I would love you. I can't do that.

SPEAKER_01

I would love you for 30 minutes. 30 minutes straight if you let me.

SPEAKER_02

If I said I love you, I loved you. I didn't. I liked you. It was a strong feeling, but it wasn't love. I didn't know what love was till I got married.

SPEAKER_06

I'm gonna tell you, I think people get confused with being coochie whoop, love, and being lustful, you know what I mean? Because I always say less. I say true love is reciprocated, you know what I mean? So I'm I might have liked you or thought I loved you, or maybe I just loved, you know, like I can I can know the times I was actually whooped, right? Like I thought I loved her, but really it was just the coochie was really good to me, and she was hot to me, and you know, I really was in love with what that was what it was. And then it wore off at some point.

SPEAKER_02

Right. Time will time will evaporate anything, man. I always say it's like waves, man. Water recedes the beach. Man, the same thing with relationships. The more waves that happen in that relationship, the less stable that damn relationship becomes. So we fighting every we fighting. Say it again, Jay Williams. What a what? Love is like waves, man. It erodes the beach. And the more waves you have in a relationship, the less stable that relationship is gonna be. True, man.

SPEAKER_04

That's that's that that's a that's a that's a true that's your add-on. Let's think about it this way.

SPEAKER_02

When you ask somebody, are they married? What's the first question that usually comes right behind it? Are you happily married? Man, dudes was hit on a woman. She'll say, I'm married. Are you happily married? There's no such thing as a happily married person. You because every day happy.

SPEAKER_06

See, that's my rule of thumb. I don't holler at no Mary Jones. I that is a rule of thumb for me. I don't Harry, I don't holler at no Mary Jones, I don't mess with no Mary Jones. If I ever mess with a Mary Jones, I ain't know she was married. That is a rule of thumb for me for the simple fact, I do not want that to come back and bite me.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, like you said, when you want to see a man be crazy, go mess with his with what he thought was his. You we all military, man. You know what it was like. I remember NTC, yeah. Man, I would look for wedding bands. Yeah, yeah. They took that ring off, they came to the club looking cute, because your man gone for the next 30 days. Yep, yeah. He's in the field. He in the field.

SPEAKER_03

So you ain't expecting to get caught. So you knew who was in the field based on who was in the club. Who was in the club? Yep, you know. Yep. Man, that's Johnson then. Oh, he in the third. Okay, bet. Hey, all their wives in here. You stand in a group of dudes, hey, ain't third brigade out there in the field? Yep, yep.

SPEAKER_06

Because they got his wife out there scrubbing the ground, shaking it vents at Fort Campbell on at the NCO Club, they had a strip bar at the NCO's, right? So you had it was called the Round Bar. And at the Round Bar, there was just a strip, it was, but you could uh they they danced and thawed, but it uh chess was out. Right, right. And uh, no, no paces. No paces. Nah, just straight out, right? And I remember I just got to Fort Campbell, I'm young, and I'm like on the round bar, and I'm like, man. And as soon as I went over to the war, every dude was like, yo, you seen her? Because mad dudes' wives was stripping in the junk. Everybody, yo, you seen her? Yeah, she worked at the round bar. What for real? Man, it was so many wives that was getting it popping at the round bar.

SPEAKER_02

But you know, it's crazy because I just remember dudes would go home, marry their high school sweetheart, bring her back to post. Six months later, she free to the world. Free to the world. And everybody grow barren. And then that time that you was gone, you thought you still knew her, and people grow. Yeah. Like, man, nothing stays the same. Anything that stays the same ain't gonna last long.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. I mean, you it's a it's a buy-in process for marriage, right? You you have to be with somebody who's trying to go the same direction. Right. It's a lot to lose and it's a lot to gain, right? If you got the right person, the gains is gonna be crazy. Yep. You know, my wife gets on my damn nerves, but the gains are amazing. You know her crazy.

SPEAKER_02

Like I always tell people, man, when I would date, when I was dating, people like, man, I don't want no crazy. I do. Crazy chicks get a hook. You have to have a book for crazy in you.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I don't really want you to keep my car, but I want you to be willing to.

SPEAKER_06

I don't want you to keep my car crazy. I'm gonna be honest. Don't I don't leave my personal things alone. I got a car, but I want to know in your head that you're crazy enough to do it.

SPEAKER_03

I got a homeboy who used to get his tireslash car key regularly. Insurance dropped him because she was lethal with it. Wow. Lethal with it. And he wouldn't leave her for nothing.

SPEAKER_02

They break back again.

SPEAKER_03

End up finally leaving her. And she came to my house one day. We over there chilling. But this is what my man was saying, because I was single. Right. Listen, you know, when we go out, Blue be uh coming up on situations and be like, yo, come by the house. I got a girl and her friend coming through, man. I need you to come.

SPEAKER_07

Oh, right.

SPEAKER_03

I'm like, you told her that? He was like, Man, I I got caught somewhere else. So yeah, I said that. I said, so every time I'm in a club and she be telling somebody I ain't nothing, it's because of it. Because of you, because of you. I said, bro, you've been killing me for real.

SPEAKER_02

That's one of the things I try to tell single people about relationships. You cannot bad mouth your partner to people, and then expect the people around you to like your partner. Yeah, yeah. If a girl gets mad at her man, like one of our biggest rules is preach on it, speak on it way home. Yeah, yeah. Man, as soon as you tell your sister, you tell your cousin, you tell your best friend he ain't shit, they automatically have that value system of he ain't shit because they ride with shit.

SPEAKER_06

But you know, back in the 90s, if you if a chick was out there talking about you wasn't no good and all that, her friends usually kind of find out if you was or not. But that's how you used to be like that.

SPEAKER_03

But the thing though, let me cut you, I apologize. So I tell people when I do any kind of conversation, somebody that's married or getting married, if you tell somebody something about your wife or your cons your significant other, that person should have enough respect to say to you, What'd you do, fam? What did you do in that situation to cause that? Because it's never a situation that just goes off to the left. It's always cause and effect. What did you do if your people ain't saying, bro, that's what she did? What, fam? That's crazy. What'd you do though? If your people don't hit you back with one of those, then it's your car.

SPEAKER_02

Always there's more to a story than what you go with. Man, always. People love the misery loves company.

SPEAKER_06

I just don't believe in talking outside the bedroom. What we do in the house is in the house, you know what I mean? Like your rules. Like that is that to me, that just don't add up. Like, even if I'm dating you, if you out here running my name in the dirt, kicking my name, uh, you know what I mean, out in the street, then what we doing? Why you speaking on me out in the street to anybody, and then you gonna come back here and lay in my bed?

SPEAKER_03

The the cool thing about that, sometime when I was single, I my well, my ex-wife said some some stuff about me. And people was like, Yeah, I can't believe you did that to her. I was like, Well, I'm a big dude. I mean, you see all the bruises. Wait, damn, son, I done seen you fight dudes at the club. I ain't seen a scratch on it.

SPEAKER_02

But that's the other side of it. People truly know you, they they they can tell what's real and what's fully. Here's what I'm saying. Simply put, man, if you badmouth your significant other, your spouse, your partner, when you do that, you are giving the fuel to the fire. Because now when people have an idea of, that's like if I walk over here and I'm sitting with y'all and we having a conversation, and I go, my wife ain't, and my wife don't. So when y'all see my wife, what's your opinion of her? I gave you knowledge.

SPEAKER_07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You really only have the version of her that I told you about because you don't live where we live. You're not with her. You only have what I fed you. So your version, your vision of her is what exactly I gave. Yeah. But then when I'm still with her and I she's all of this, you're looking at me like, what kind of person am I? Why are you still gonna say that? This person is this bad of a person, why are you still with her?

SPEAKER_07

What I gotta say about you.

SPEAKER_02

So again, I used to do it like with parents. Like I used to mess with a girl that talk to her mama every day. And I used to always tell her, like, if you go tell your mama all this shit about me, your mama's not gonna like it. Right. But then when your mama needs something and I try to help her, it's gonna make it hard for me to help her because of the way she treats me, because of what you tell her. Because I was thinking I was gonna be in this for the long time.

SPEAKER_07

Right.

SPEAKER_02

Man, fast forward, I get married, I see the same chick, and her mama says these exact words. I really wish you had to marry my daughter, because you are such a good dude. But she kept telling me, that's why I was against it. We broke up because of what you told your mama. Your mama made it hard for me to want to be. Your mama's in my business. She's in my business.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Hey, what I'm gonna do is she's gonna throw me out the house. Like, what?

SPEAKER_02

Yeah. But that's the kind of situation, like, but now because again, the internet is here. You need a profile. This person says they love long walks and they love animals and all this other. You buy the hype that they sold because they wanted you to swipe right instead of left. They we compatible. No, y'all ain't had a conversation. Nope. You ain't talked about shit. You ain't compatible until you start to just how you say them, shoot the Willy Bobo.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, shoot the Willy Bobo.

SPEAKER_03

I don't I don't ran my, I done ran what I'm gonna put on the on the uh Dayton app through the uh AI chat filter to give me what what's what's clickable. What's clickable? Tell me Jack Chat GPT.

SPEAKER_06

What's what's gonna get me pet?

SPEAKER_03

Which one what do they look for?

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, stand the algorithm and let them know. I'ma get everybody to swipe right on me.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, but like with my wife, I know I'm hard to deal with at times. I I know I'm irritating.

SPEAKER_06

I believe it.

SPEAKER_03

I I am setting my legs.

SPEAKER_06

You walk around with a helmet on.

SPEAKER_03

That's goddamn, that's damn sure polygon. She knows. I don't want another woman.

SPEAKER_06

Do you let your wife run her fingers through your hair? Nah, this is all natural. Blue be like, wait, wait, hold up.

SPEAKER_02

Hold up.

SPEAKER_06

We're gonna pick it. She hate my fro.

SPEAKER_02

She gets shaken up. I mean, I hate your fro. I'm like, nah. I'm with your wife on this one. I hate your frozen.

SPEAKER_06

You should I think you should grow this little box.

SPEAKER_02

Nah. I think so, dude. You're gonna go all the way back. Get the gummy and some parts. Nah, son. Get the EST joint.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, live from that Nicholas land. Man, a lotcaping, man. Yo.

SPEAKER_03

Him and Cheryl was dating.

SPEAKER_06

Y'all stupid. Y'all saw y'all age too. Oh, the days of good old. Do rap casts make love songs anymore? Nah, man. Yo, remember that used to be the junk. It used to be. Yeah, that was it. It used to be, man.

SPEAKER_03

All the time. I'm alone in my room sometime. I stare at the wall.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, it was just like that mic stand right there back then. Not no more, not no more. They don't make love songs no more, man. If they do, let's talk about it, man. Let me know who makes love songs now. I was don't say Drake. I won't hear the love.

SPEAKER_02

Love songs ain't love songs. Nah, nah, you're right. You remember when we used to get on the radio, put the tape, man, had to press pause right when the DJ would come back on to say something.

SPEAKER_03

I used to love goddamn dedication. Man, yeah. Remember when you could call the radio station and say your name? Yeah. And then they'd say it on the station at home.

SPEAKER_06

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02

You see like the nine dudes are all dedicated to Kenitha. Yeah.

SPEAKER_06

I remember, I remember back, we had a joint Power 99, right? And on Friday nights, we had the Rap Attack. And people would call in. You could call it Mr. Marley Moore. That was New York. Them Philly rapper. Yeah, Rap Attack was uh Lady B, right? And they would come on and you could call in and you could like be like, yo, well, you know what? I'm I'm I'm calling the shout out this month for my baby Kenesha or something. And then some other chick could call and be like, uh-uh. And they they get to argue on the air. On the air.

SPEAKER_05

She's like, that was my boy Tyrone. I love you, Tyrone. Uh-uh, I know that ain't Tyrone girlfriend. Nah, nah, Tyrone girlfriend.

SPEAKER_02

Hey girl, if you really like me, dedicate me a song tonight. Yeah. I was sitting up all night waiting, and the old girl ain't never dedicated that song. Like, hey. Or somebody else would come back like, hey, they said you got a dedication from Denise last night. Yeah. She dedicated me a song. I fell asleep waiting.

SPEAKER_06

Hell yeah. You think you was smooth dedicating a song to a job? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

You found out that everybody else dedicated a song to the same job. Cameron Smith.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah. Dedication from Big Blue.

SPEAKER_03

Who was your joint?

SPEAKER_06

Who was your joint back then? Back then? Yeah. Shit. I ooh. He was my job. My job. Taisha Westbrook was my job.

SPEAKER_02

I would never dedicate a song because I was playing football. So my mindset was, man, I had a girl at each school that I messed with. So I couldn't dedicate this song to her. And then I know they all listened to the same radio station. I wouldn't do the dedication. That was my thing.

SPEAKER_03

My wife was mine in high school. You knew your wife in high school? Yeah. We went different directions and then re-came. She felt sorry for you. Nah, she came after me though, fam. Okay, blended. You didn't really that fast. So how did she touch it before? Come on, man. You see all of it. You see all of this fee. I do.

SPEAKER_06

It was like, it was like Chrissy Snow meeting Gary Coleman, huh?

SPEAKER_03

She was like, right, see, you went solo. What happened to you? She got the same fraud. She came back to Texas. I'm coming back to Texas to visit my mom and dad. And I was going through court custody for my daughter. And I just won the case and she came back and visited. She's like, you know, I still cared about you since high school. You know what I'm saying? I was like, What? I always liked you too, man. I don't think you would have worked with me in my little sister. My man was married to her little sister. So we would have barbecues before she moved away. And I bring different shorties over there. Right. And I be with my shorty, I'm like, hey, I'm gonna marry your sister. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_02

The person would be like, what? It's somebody when you find the one you know.

SPEAKER_03

And her sister would be like, You gonna marry my sister. And my boy Chuck was like, Hey, fam, he's been saying that for a long time. Watch, he's gonna mess around and marry your sister.

SPEAKER_06

I'm gonna have to give me one of them AI joints, man. Where y'all talking? Say what? Did you have one last week? An AI joint?

unknown

Yeah, telling your last week.

SPEAKER_04

Tell that story. Tell that story.

SPEAKER_02

First of all, X, I love you for this one.

SPEAKER_06

Don't let X get to telling y'all some BS right there. I don't X making up stories, man. X talking about this car.

SPEAKER_02

That's a little bit more. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_04

Yeah, AI just gonna be a little bit more.

SPEAKER_02

The AI jump fall in your lap. School. No. Yes, you did. What y'all talking about? I wish I could remember verbatim like this the way to go. But it is on TikTok. Man, you school. No. You got to go scream. Now you about to make me go look. The next episode, I'm gonna dig this one up. Uh-oh. You don't pull it out, man. I'm gonna dig it in the middle.

SPEAKER_06

That was crazy. That was a no, I meant like AI joy. No, it was, no, what it was was what it was, let me tell you. It's one of them joints where you know TikTok did, they say use this filter. So I had typed in the little, I did the little information, and it was like this the chick you're gonna end up with, and she just comes falling down on your lap. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

That's crazy. I remember you did say you said it on here. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

I couldn't remember how the situation went, but I remember the AI joint because we laughed about that shit for weeks.

SPEAKER_06

Yeah, I was talking about like because I just watched the little Tubi joint when the dude ordered him a robot. Robot chick. Robot chick. That's what I was talking about.

SPEAKER_02

One of those good movies, man. Yeah, too big. You get past the bad acting and the shitty quality.

SPEAKER_06

The storylines are the storyline is decent. The storyline is decent, but you know, I feel like that's that's Tay Diggs newfound right there.

SPEAKER_02

Tay Diggs is on every Tubi movie. And if he's not, it's that dude with the big ass forehead. Yeah, I said he must have got kicked out of Hollywood because Tay Diggs is all over Tubi. Every city got a Tubi movie now, Detroit.

SPEAKER_06

And Marcus Houston is the producer. He's like uh of every movie on Tubi. He's like, what's her name? Uh from Laverna Shirley, that's all over Lifetime. Yeah, yeah. Penny Marshall, she do all the lifetime joints.

SPEAKER_03

Marcus Houston do all the Tubi joints. We need to call Marcus Houston in so we can get a Tubi.

SPEAKER_02

I'll tell you Tubi movies is the greatest thing happening. Man, I go down that rabbit hole when I'm bored. Let's make one, y'all. Let's make one. All we need is a phone. Yeah, yeah. That's what they look like. They shot off a they look like some of them shot them off an old flip phone.

SPEAKER_06

Before we get up out of here, man, 4th of July this weekend.

SPEAKER_02

Man, you know, anybody doing anything? I'm chilling. I was supposed to be in Idaho at a water park, man. But I ain't I didn't I want to take all my guns to Idaho. So man, I'm safe. I feel that. I feel like I'm gonna do it. You know anything about them? Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, Tony Tony Tony, man. It's my anniversary. Oh, okay. You know what? Is your day? She might. She might. You know, the joke I tell that she hates that I got married on uh I lost my independence on Independence Day. I think it's funny. She does not.

SPEAKER_04

She does not. Yeah, I can see why she hates that. I think it's funny until you say it in front of her.

SPEAKER_03

I say it in front of her all the time.

SPEAKER_06

I'm not doing nothing, but I'll tell you why I ain't doing nothing because I hate July 4th. Ever since I was a kid, man, we never could do nothing. No, we couldn't. We would never, my parents, I'm gonna tell you, we had the canes that lived across a corner of our crib. They was a white family, and every year they would bring out a big ass trash can and they put on a show for the whole block. And everybody in the crib would come out, all the kids would be in the block, and they all they be like, get what you want. Not the spincer kids. We all be on in your front yard with sparklers. Just standing there with sparklers. They be like, yo, Scooter, come over here. I'd be like, Kane.

SPEAKER_02

Hey, look, couldn't lead the yard. Couldn't lead the yard. You couldn't light them yourself, so you had to run out. You throw the stick down, you gotta run over there, get the number on the body, wait for the note to light. Light it. By the time you turn it three times, you back at the same spot. It's dead.

SPEAKER_06

You gotta go right back.

SPEAKER_02

I hate it.

SPEAKER_06

I hate July 4th, dude. I am not excited about fireworks and none of that.

SPEAKER_02

We don't do fireworks, man. My wife got burnt on the 4th of July. Like, if you ever pay attention, my wife has three burns under her neck. Firework literally shot. She caught it with her neck while holding my son. Wow. She looked third-degree burns. My wife broke down and did not drop that kid, had it sitting there and it was sizzling. You ain't saved her? One thing I could do, I popped the fireball out the hell. It's already burning.

SPEAKER_06

Jay Will over there, like, you better not drop my baby.

SPEAKER_02

No, the craziest, like, so what happened? We lived in Lakewood, didn't look cold de sac. And our next door neighbors was setting off firecrackers. We took some stuff out there. And he was setting them off and jumping over the top of them and running away. Right. Drunk being goofy. So when he lit one, it was one of the ones that's supposed to shoot up. Right. And he jumped over it and kicked it. So when it fell and shot out, it shot directly at where we were standing. And when it shot, it hit my wife directly in the neck. So I turned in front of her, and then the next one shot, and it shot right past us. But at that point, she had caught it. She just still holding my son, and my wife ended up with third-degree burn. So this is how gangster my wife is. She didn't go to the hospital that night. My wife literally went there and rubbed some butt on her neck, bro, and tried to go to sleep.

SPEAKER_06

The healing power of butter.

SPEAKER_02

You know black people put butter on anything, but butter make it better.

SPEAKER_06

Final words, what you got?

SPEAKER_02

Man, 4th of July weekend, man. We ain't celebrating the independence of Americans. We ain't free here. This is what we are gonna celebrate, man. The peace and sanity of man being safe. Dumb shit happens every time there's a holiday that they want you to celebrate. Be safe. Make sane decisions and do sane things. Don't do dumb shit just because the hype is that's what you do. Man, be smarter than yourself this weekend.

SPEAKER_06

Boom.

SPEAKER_03

Baby, I love you. That's my thing to say. Come in! You know what I'm saying? That's my thing to say. Anniversary, man. Tony, Tony, Tony, man. Relax and do what we do, man. You know? Blue will be sleeping by the biggest. I might let her Pat the fro. You did.

SPEAKER_06

Blue gonna be asleep by eight o'clock.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, potentially.

SPEAKER_06

Miss Newman, we miss you. Yeah, man. That's what it is. Man, y'all know what it is, man. I'm keeping all my digits, but I'll be somewhere doing something with a sparkler. Sparkler. Not at all. But y'all can catch us, man. I would say same bad time, same bad channel, but I don't know when the hell we shoot another show, cause X is on black people time now.

SPEAKER_04

Get at us, man. That's what it is. Coffee and Cotton's two figures.

SPEAKER_06

Coffee and comedy.

SPEAKER_00

So passive woke up them asses. That I was roused today, they owned their glasses. The I was gone today, we read the tablet. I am just a human new shit.

SPEAKER_06

Scooter, aka the funky grandpa. This is Claw Me and Condoms, and you are tuning in to the newest podcast. Going down is bananas. I am your host, the funky grandpa, aka Scooter.

SPEAKER_01

I'm from the South, all I wear like glass, like glass people.

SPEAKER_02

But I hear they got the greatest condition ever. It's called a pre-roll. It comes in a tube and it's already red. I don't care what kind of thing you have, you hear the sound red.