Blessed Youth

She Survived Sexual Assault & a Stroke… And Refused to Play It Safe | Evelyn Obahor

• Blessed Youth

Share episode

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 1:16:36

Follow Evelyn
Insta - @evelynobahorofficial
YouTube - thejusteve show

Follow us on.. 

💜 Insta & TikTok - @blessedyouthpod

Follow the Host (Chloe): 
Insta & TikTok - @chloe.nwankwo

👕 Shop the merch - wear your CONFIDENCE!
https://my-store-109ef76.creator-spring.com/listing/byboldtee

Financially Support this Podcast:
https://www.paypal.com/ncp/payment/7V8JAXXL8CFRC

Email us! 
Byouthpodcast@gmail.com 

If you’re loving the show, a 5-star review on Apple or Spotify means the world. 

Disclaimer: These are our experiences and opinions — do your own research too! x 

SPEAKER_01

You had experienced rape.

SPEAKER_03

When I first gave um an interview about this rape thing, you won't believe the women that came out to tell their stories. There was one that was raped anally by her pastor. Do you know? There was another one that was raped three times. One one by her sorry, twice. One by her cousin. And then when she told her parents, they told her to shut up that she should not mention it anymore. But this is what I said to them. I said, one. You are not a victim. When you use that word victim, it it gives some power to the rapist. You are a survivor.

SPEAKER_01

What do you think is the biggest thing in today's society that's really stopping young people from being bold and pursuing what they really want as opposed to just playing it safe? Okay, this might be controversial, you know.

SPEAKER_03

But um, parents, especially the African parents, they are never there to listen to their children.

SPEAKER_01

Before we dive in, smash that subscribe and follow button. It really helps us keep dropping real, raw content just like this. Also, check out the merch in the description. Every purchase supports charities helping young people who've been bullied. And so if you want to support even more, you can also donate. Links below. Grab the merch, represent the message, and be part of something powerful. Let's go. Hello Evelyn. Welcome to the Blessed Eve podcast. Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me. Such a pleasure. Of course. Yes. So before the titles and the TV shows and the success, who were you when you were around 15 or 16 growing up between

Getting Into Broadcasting

SPEAKER_01

the UK and Nigeria?

SPEAKER_03

Um I was just like every other person, I was trying to find my way in life. I wasn't too sure. I didn't um I came, I I grew up in a home where there was always quarreling and fighting, you know, between my parents. And so um I took all of that negativity into writing. I didn't know I could write, you know, I write um I write scripts and lots, and I'm quite fast. So I was trying to find my way, and then all of a sudden I knew what I was going to to do. Uh back then, um newsreaders were they were like demi gods, you know, everybody respected them. Um there was um there was a broadcaster on radio. I liked I I loved the way that he's he says um um this is this is FRCN. My name is Funny Erabo, and I used to say to myself, oh god, I wish I could present with him, you know, together. And guess what? Years down the line, I did. And um he said I'm such a fantastic presenter. So yeah, um at 1516 I was trying to get away from the quarreling and fight and fighting and you know, trying to find myself.

SPEAKER_01

Wow, thank you so much for sharing that. Yeah. So you when did you know you wanted to work in media and entertainment?

SPEAKER_00

Um, it was about say when I was eight, seven, eight, yeah. Okay. And how how did you know that?

SPEAKER_03

Is it like TV shows you would watch? Okay, that was what I did wasn't sure of. I I just knew that I wanted to work in media, what part I wasn't sure of. Um I started off as a continuity announcer. Um, for those of um you that don't know what a continuity announcer is, is the voice you hear on television announcing the programs, you know. Yeah, so I started off with that. And I remember um when I was going for that for that interview, um I well, I I entered the room and there were a panel of presenters, different presenters. And um the head of presentation, she just gave me a book and said I should read it. And I said, Um, please, can she give me some time to go through the book before I read it? And she immediately said, Don't bother, you've got the job. And I was like, What does that mean? So she said, um all the others that came in before me, when they were told to read, they immediately started reading.

SPEAKER_04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03

And was the only person that said, please can I go through the book first before I read it? You know, so that's that was how I got that job. And when I got into secondary school, I was always writing my house. Um, when we had drama competition, I would be the one that would write the script. And it for I we always came first, you know. So the only time I I refused to write was because I was sitting for my GCS and I wanted to really concentrate, and that was the only year that they didn't win. You know, my house didn't win. So after that, um the school's drama club, we were um uh we were trying to host um a play, and there was this very popular actor that came in to, you know, when we were rehearsing, he came just came in to to watch. And at the end, someone said, Um, oh, gringary is calling you. And I'm like, what? Who is Gringeri? I didn't even know that he was in the room, and then he took my ear and twisted it and said, I don't want to hear that you've done any um anything else other than what you're doing now. In my mind, I was saying that if only you knew that this is what I want to do. Wow, and then um another person, um oh, um Matthew Ashimoloa, I um I interviewed him once, and then after the interview, he told me this is your calling. You know, that was what he told me this is your your calling.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so um Wow Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

So did did you ever feel pressure to choose like a safer path as opposed to? Oh yes.

SPEAKER_03

My parents wanted me to read law. Oh well. I begged them, they said, uh, especially my mom, she would say things like, when when her colleagues are saying, Oh, their child is is uh is a lawyer or an engineer or a doctor, that she be how would she open her mouth and say that her own child is a broadcaster, you know. So I eventually said that okay, if you want me to read law, I'll read law. The first year I know they'll send me packing because I will not concentrate. So when the when she said when I said that the the kid stepped down.

SPEAKER_01

Wow. Wow, thank you for sharing that. So what what was it that what did you ever feel like a fear that you were choosing a non like a non-traditional path?

SPEAKER_03

You know, when you when you have a passion, yeah, like a real passion, nothing stops you. You don't you do you know, you just close your ears, your mind, your body, you close everything to the noise. Yeah. You know, because my parents that said they didn't want me to to do broadcasting, I should do low. Yeah. Normally, when they they used to cut favors from from people. I remember my dad um went to his GP for the first time and um the GP saw his name. Yeah. And he said, wait a minute, is even about how your daughter? You know, my dad was now smiling like, she's my daughter. These are the people that said, you know, they didn't want me to then when my mom uh travels, when she um when she's trying to change money, she will get at a lower rate because of me, you know. Uh so yeah, I I guess they eventually accepted it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, wow. Wow. So as a a young as a young woman starting out in media, what were you most insecure about or doubting about yourself at the time?

SPEAKER_03

Um I

When Your Parents Don't Support Your Dream

SPEAKER_03

don't think I but I I don't think there's anything I doubted. Actually, I was surprised. There was a film crew that I worked with, and I called them racist. I said, all these people dog this this that they're just rapists. I really, you know, told them off. I was surprised that at the end of the the film shoot they wrote gave me a letter of commendation. Wow. So I was like, oh you know, after insulting them and if they still decided to give me this uh letter of commendation.

SPEAKER_00

So uh I don't think there was you called them racist. Yeah. Okay, where where was this? It was in Nigeria. Okay, were they white? Were they whites?

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, they came from they came from England, okay. Yeah. They they um there was some theft in the in the camp, and they moved all the white people out of the camp to go and stay in hotels, and they left the other crew members who were black to still stay in the camp. And I was like, anything could happen to any to us. Now why can't what what's the difference between um them going to stay in a hotel and um us staying in um still still staying in the camp? I told them off terribly, and because um I'm a small person, all of them were bigger than me. So you can imagine this small change.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, yeah. These type of environments that you've worked in, there's there's power there, there's influence and and the hierarchy, and they're very real in these type of environments, especially when you're like influencing the news and stuff like that. Was there ever a season where you had to choose to be bold in your career, even though maybe there would be risks?

SPEAKER_03

Um I've always been bold. Well, the thing is that um because I didn't want to um now for those if if you read if you listen to the news and they tell you that a thousand people or a hundred people have died, know that it's a thousand. So they wanted me to at one point in my career, they wanted me to read the news and I refused. I said, I will not be okay with me telling people that a hundred people died when it's one thousand. So I had this um, there was this kind of block that they put, you know, trying to frustrate everything that I did. But the kind of person I am, I'm a fighter, I don't give up. I you can do whatever you want. If you tell me no, I will say you weren't meant to help me. I'll move on to the next person, you know. So then you couldn't tell me no. I will push my way through. I remember there's a colleague of mine that I remember today, he I was walking towards him. I wanted to ask him to help me do something, and then he was saying that I know she wants to ask me for something. You know, when she gets to me, I'm going to tell her no. And as I got as I got to to him, I just asked him um what I wanted. And he said, All right, follow me. And it was then that he told me, Do you know that when you're walking to me, I wanted to tell you no? What is it to do evening that everybody says yes to you? You know, so um, yeah, boldness is not um when you know who you are, right, and what you want out of life, and you have um the backing of God, right? Nothing should stop you. Nothing.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you so much. Yeah. Was there ever a season where fear of people's opinions or that someone's authority or consequences like made it difficult for you to speak up or be fully yourself in your work?

SPEAKER_03

Um yes, sometimes it um it does happen quite a lot. And um I used to care a lot about what people thought about me. So because of that, I was kind of like shying away. But something happened and then it's like, wait a minute, minute evening, you know who you are, and then I will get up and pushy on and fight through I've had I've had many, many, many, many down times. You know, I would cry, but the moment the crying has finished, I pick myself up, dust myself, and move again.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah. So for a young person who's so concerned with what people think about them, they're so concerned about what their peers have to say about them. Like what words of wisdom would you give them for them to just get up and do the thing that they know they need to do or you know what?

SPEAKER_03

Um I know that this I've I've said this to a few young people and it has helped them. When you wake up in the morning, look yourself in the mirror and say, I am beautiful, I am I'm wonderful, I can do anything that I can do. I will not let anybody deter me from doing what I want to do. I will do everything I want to do and I will succeed. When you tell yourself you are succeeded, there's nothing wrong with you, you will succeed.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, no, thank you, yeah, because personally myself, I have definitely been very scared about what people have to say about me. Even during this podcast,

Advice for Young People Struggling With Confidence

SPEAKER_01

I've had family members even say, Oh, you shouldn't be talking, you know, about the the things that I like to talk about, the things that young people are struggling with. You know, they say no, you should also keep quiet. But I feel like this is my calling, you know, so it's like and I think a lot of people are in that tug and pull, you know, where there are things that are stopping them from really pursuing what they want.

SPEAKER_03

It's all the same, um because um nobody can nobody can get into your head, can see what is inside you, can see the vision you've been given. Nobody. So some people will talk, right? Let them talk. The thing is that if you don't do what you are supposed to do, they will still talk. If you now do what they want you to do, they will still talk. So you might as well stick to your guns and and let them talk. You know, I remember what um someone said to me that um that uh um I should protect um my show, you know, and I'm like, why? And um she said, oh, it can be copied very easily. And I said, Yeah, let them copy. They should go and copy because they they can't enter into my head to see what my vision is. Yes, they m some things may be similar in the program, but it cannot be the same as my vision. So let them copy, let them talk, let them do whatever. Yeah. I think that's that's that to me is my idea of boldness.

SPEAKER_01

What do you think is the biggest thing in today's society that's really stopping young people from being bold and pursuing what they really want as opposed to just playing it safe?

SPEAKER_03

Okay, this might be controversial, you know, but um parents, especially the African parents, they are never there to listen to their children. And I use the word listen because many of them hear what the children are saying, but are not listening to what the the young people are saying, you know, so that's by the way, then you're working one, two, three jobs you are like if you you know, in my case, um I grew up um watching my parents quarreling and writing almost on a daily basis, right? But I took I took solace in writing, you know, and because I knew what I was doing, that was noise. I I I you know I didn't listen to it. But today I don't like noise. If I'm in a place where there's noise, I blank out, you know, or I leave. I don't like confrontation in any way, you know, and people uh it's like, why is she so quiet? I'm like, it's because they don't know that it's because of what I I I saw growing up. So coming back to the young people, now there's no role model. There are very few role models for for young people to to watch and learn from. They need to be listened to. So they go to their peers who listen because they're the same age group, and usually what their peers are telling them is not the right thing. So I I you know, all this knife crime and everything it's it's the parents. And that's why I said what I'm gonna say might be controversial, but it is the truth. We need to pay attention to what they are saying. It may be rubbish, but listen to them. And when you're when when they're being told of or being told not, I uh for a fact know that then, you know, as a young person, if you tell me not to do something, I will actually do that's when I will do it. Because I want to see why you're telling me I shouldn't do it. And that's what that's what is happening today with young people. So I I would tell you, I will say that um the parents, when they are saying, don't do this, let them know why they shouldn't do it. Like for me and my my son, I remember when he was in secondary school, um I was at the bus stop. Well, where the bus um park, you know where the buses stop. All right, I was there, and across the road, there were these children that were coming out of school, and they were just um they started throwing um there was an off license where he was selling fruits and stuff like that. They just threw everything, they were just throwing everything on the road. And I said, wait, let me call my son and find out if he's back home. So I called him. I said, Daniel, where are you? And he said, I'm at bus 198. I asked him again, where are you, Daniel? I'm at bus 198. I asked him a third time, Daniel, where are you? He said, I've told you I'm at bus 198. I said, because that is where I am. So he has he has lied to me. So when I got home, I sat him down and said, You must never lie to me. Because if you lie to me, I'm going to treat it as the lie that you told me. If you tell me, and that will not be good. If you tell me the truth, I will treat it as the truth that you have told me. So today, if my son robs a bank, he will tell me. Do you get so I um until he until he got married, I would know where he is at any particular time. Because I've um I've built that trust. I've told uh you know he can trust me. But poor young people, I'm not saying I'm the best mother. You know, we do we do quarrel, we do have, you know, but there's um and that's all because of the way I grew up. You know, whenever my mom would hit me, I would say, I won't bring up my children like this. If she hits me 20 times in a day, I will say it 20 times that I won't bring off my children like this, you know. So um, yeah, I think I I think um parents should um make a U-turn as to how um they deal with with the young people.

SPEAKER_01

No, thank you so much for sharing. Yes, it's controversial, but you know, sometimes those controversial things are the things that you actually need to say because it's the truth. It is the truth, and the truth can hurt sometimes, but you the truth needs to be let out so that people can know and then change, you know, and then and then by the grace of God it will change for the better, and that changes an entire new generation, which then changes the world, you know. So, no, thank you so much for sharing. It's these things that perhaps are uncomfortable uncomfortable to say or controversial to say that need to be said the most, you know, and you mentioned things like trust and young people like struggling. You know, my story includes topics like being exposed to pornography and masturbation as a child. I I was playing sexual games and mimicking adult behavior as a young child from like the age of three to eight years old with friends and cousins. I had abandonment issues after my dad left and then died. And I went through bullying and racism, and these experiences they really impacted my confidence and my boldness growing up before Jesus then helped me and gave me boldness and healed me. And these are real issues that are affecting many young people today, but very quietly, and a joyful, expressive child can just quickly become very withdrawn and silent and shy because of experiences like these. They will lie to their parents perhaps because they don't feel like they can truly have a conversation with their parents because they have never felt seen. So these topics I've mentioned, do you do do you relate to any of these topics and how did they impact your ability to be bold?

SPEAKER_03

You mean um the quietness of the youth? Well, I um I think I have the grace to know the way children, the young people operate. I have um I've not had any friends that is my age. Really, most of the people I work with and and my my friends are younger than me. And um I've also worked in um a care home for young people, you know, preparing them for leaving care. And I was able to get into their heads, you know what they're thinking, and they opened up to me something they hadn't done with the other um support workers, you know. And the stories there was there was one boy that got into um the garage of his home and found his father hanged. You know, so you can imagine what that would happen. I mean, you know, what what will happen to him? He was so on to drugs and everything. He used to try and bully me. And I told him things like, You can't bully me, you can't bully me. I've been there, done that, seen this, you know. So, you know, piped down. And I also, you know, I was also able to tell him, look, whatever is going on with you, you can tell me. I'm not going to judge you, I'm not going to tell you off. You can tell me. And gradually he became close to me up to the extent that when I would leave the his house for another one, he would tell my manager, I need to speak to Evelyn. And the manager will call me that, oh, he wants to speak with me, do I mind? I said I don't mind at all. You know? So it's um it's those kind of of things. And it's it's in short, the whole of this thing is around trust. The children do not trust. Why they keep calling them children? Young people, they don't trust the you know, the older ones. Why would they? When they're not seeing anything, you know, that they can take as you know, they're not seeing anyone that they can take as a role model. So that's it, you know. I um when my son used to live with me, sometimes I would um when you know, they these these young people, when they are sleeping, they sleep to like 2, 3 p.m., right? Because they've been playing games with their friends online and all of that. So my son would do it sometimes. And I would when he's sleeping, I would jump on top of his bed. I'll start jumping up and down. When he's sleeping, and he'll like, oh, what are you doing? This is and I'll say, Wake up, wake up, wake up, you know, and things like that. I remember he was going on holiday with his friends to um Amsterdam, and I told him, make sure you go and see the red, you go to the red light district. And he said, Can I can I hear what I'm saying to him? I said, go and see the red light district. I didn't tell you to go and touch, you know, and for me, that is experience of life. Because you have you will have some some parents saying, Oh, don't do that, don't do this. Like my mom did. My mom said uh she used to tell me that if if um if a man touches me, I can get pregnant. I didn't know better. Do you get? But there's no way if a man touches you that I can get pregnant. Do you do get? Uh-huh. So it it's it's all about experience and and parents should leave these children to get experience. My little nephew, when he was a baby, there was something about the hitter. You know, he would always crawl and go and touch it, and before he touches it, they would pull him away from it. And I said, please, can you leave him? You know, let him touch it. And so he touched it. And he found out that it was hot. Do you know he's 22 to today? He doesn't go near hit us. Do you get? So it's it's the trust, the life experiences. Even when they're going out to do the things that are not really palatable, just watch them. You know, because some reg will regret what they're they're doing after, you know, a lot uh probably a short or long while, you know, but they will learn. I've told um my my little grandson, you know, they've started telling him now that um Ezekiel, go and do this. If you do this, I will give you this. And I said, no, that's wrong. You cannot tell a child that, you know, you cannot make him do something b because you want to give him something. He should do it regardless. You know, so those are the well, in my in my opinion, it's very, very important that uh parents talk to the kids, listen to them and let them experience life for themselves.

SPEAKER_01

100%. I I agree, I think I agree to an extent. I think parents need to talk to the kids, listen to the kids, and then also tell the kids what they were up to when they were the kids' age. I think parents are concerned, oh no, I don't want to tell them anything about like drugs or sex or like that there are young people even prostituting themselves on online. We have early fans now, you know. I don't want to tell them that because I don't want to expose them to that. However, if you can if you just look back when you were 16, what were you doing yourself? You know, and that's how you can keep it age appropriate. You just you just transparently tell them you know, the mistakes you made and the consequences that had, and then that automatically is a warning for them. You don't have to tell them, don't do that. Share with them what happened to you, and obviously they'll see the negative effects it had on you, and they won't want to do it automatically. So I think it's the listening, but it's also like being free to share. And if you're not if you're not free to share, it's probably because you're you're you're dealing with shame and you are just feeling ashamed to share it, and maybe because you're not truly set free. You know, I think that's why I would add thank you. Yeah, yeah. And you know, with masturbation, why I mention it is because I was I I was exposed to it from a young age, and then I just thought, well, every like everyone else is like doing it, so there's nothing wrong with it. But no, I actually think that it did affect my my confidence because I think I was just too young. I think I was just too young in all honesty. And um yeah, I think it's I think masturbation is sexual immorality, you know. I think it is a sin. And because it's a sin, it has consequences, and the consequences come in the form of like it's a habit, you know, and it can become a crux, a crutch. God is meant to be like our crutch when we when we are looking for comfort and we need healing, we're meant we're meant to go to God and He will help us with that. But instead of going to God, because number one, I didn't know God, I've only been a Christian for like four years now, I would go to masturbation if I needed comfort, you know. I wouldn't go to like God or my mum, for example. So, yes, like what is your experience with masturbation? Is that something that you struggled with? Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah, I did struggle with it for a very long while. Um well unlike you, I knew that it was wrong. You know, and I I actually actually went on the first because of it. You know, I was like, God, take this away, take this away, take this away, take this away. I don't want it, I don't like it, take it away. And I just went on and on, you know, as if I was pestering um God for something else. But I I it it wasn't it wasn't comfortable. It wasn't comfortable. I will hear in my ear, like you have said, that when everybody does it, I said I'm not everybody, I don't want it, I do not want it. And then um somehow, well, through the help of God, it it it just done stopped.

SPEAKER_01

Hmm, really good. When like when did this start? Was it from a really young age? Yeah. Yeah, around what age and how how did um I think about seven.

SPEAKER_00

Wow. Seven.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And how how did that happen, if you don't mind sharing? Um I that don't even really know.

SPEAKER_03

Just it just happened. Yeah, yeah. And then when I when when I stopped, uh and then the temptation will come, I would not quote the scripture. I will not fall into temptation, you know. I will not fall into temptation, you know, because I I didn't like it. And um yeah, God is a faithful God, you know. Amen. He's a faithful God, amen.

SPEAKER_01

And for a young person who's really struggling with masturbation, what words of wisdom would you give them so that they can overcome? Hope you're enjoying the episode so far. Please take a moment to leave a comment sharing how the episode has had an impact on you. And smash that subscribe button right now to get the algorithm going so that more young people can be inspired.

SPEAKER_03

First of all, in their head, they've got to realize that this thing is bad. Because I know that literally everybody has is doing it or has done it. So you bit these young people have got to know that it's not a good thing. There are many things that can happen as a result of being addicted to it. One, if you're if you're male, you might not you know be too interested in the future if you get married, you wouldn't want to have sex, right? And then two, once you've accepted that you don't like it, let the person who is experienced in um in helping people with it, let those people tell them that they are loved regardless. God loves them, you love them, and then they will start to um you know get get get to I remember um a boy, he's not he wasn't um he well, I don't know if he was masturbating, but he was gay or he is gay, right? And I was the first person that told that he told and I said, All right, is this something you want to stop? He said, Yes. I said, Alright, number two, God loves you. Don't ever beat yourself, right? Don't beat yourself that you are gay. God loves you, and as you've said openly that you do want to stop, just leave it to God. It may be it may take one month, one year, six months, whatever, but you have told God that you wanted to stop and it will stop. But the most important thing is that they should not beat themselves up. That is if they truly want to stop all of these um these vices. Yeah, that's what I would say.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, thank you so much. Yeah, it's very true. You've you've hit the nail on the head. It's a vice. It is a vice. I honestly believe our only purpose right here on this earth is to have a relationship with God and follow God. That is literally our purpose. And so when we get involved in all sorts of things, they're distractions. You know, human beings are we're just meant to do like one thing at a time, you know. So when you're having different jobs and then you're also having side hustles, your job is distracting you from your side hustle, and your side hustles is distracting you from your job. It's the same with life in general, like you're just meant to do one thing and have one purpose, and that's to have a relationship with God, and then you're hearing from God, and then He reveals to you the purpose and the reason why you've been placed on this earth. When when we now distract ourselves with sexual immorality, distractions of this earth, it's just a huge distraction, and it means that we're never really able to do the thing that God has asked us to do because we're we're distracted, and then the devil has won. That's really all it is.

SPEAKER_03

The devil can't mean I disagree with you. The devil cannot win at all.

SPEAKER_01

What makes you say that though?

SPEAKER_03

Everything works together for our good. In the Bible, the devil took permission from God to disrupt Job's life. If God did not give the devil permission, the devil cannot. There's absolutely no way because the devil is powerless, because we don't know who God really is. We think that he has power, he does not have any power. You know, he does not. If anything what we will call negative happens to us, it's because God wants it to happen. At the end of the day, it is for his glory. I would never agree that the devil did this, the devil did that. I'm sorry. Excuse me. So it's it's um, you know, where as Christians are fond of saying, oh, it's the devil, it's the devil, the devil did not do anything. Well, that's that's what I believe. I've always said that, you know, I've I've had a stroke recently, you know, and yeah, when that stroke happened, um, I just told God, I said, you know what, God, I want I'm handing over everything to you. I do not want to think about my situation. I don't want anybody to be to stress me about this situation. I refuse to be stressed. And immediately I said that prayer, I had peace. So all these others that I said, hey, this devil, see what you have to do. I said, No, it's not the devil. What has happened to me is for the glory of God. I don't know how God is going to do it, but I trust him. I was in hospital, I know what I saw with other patients that have had a stroke. There were some that they had to carry, there were some that could not eat. There's you know, so many horrible things. If I didn't tell you that I had a stroke, you will not believe. But as I sit down here, as I sit down here, I can't walk properly. I can't use my my left, yeah, I can't use my left hand, you know, it shakes. And it's so it's so unfortunate because I'm left-handed. So using my right hand is also a struggle, you know. Well, um I'm I'm eternally grateful. I'm so so so so so grateful, you know. So um for the young ones out there, especially if if you're not a Christian, you know, when you s when when the young ones that are Christians talk to you the non-Christians, just know that God does not disappoint. God does not fail. He is the awesome father. Just go to him and it will defy. I'll give you an example. Um, because I'm not working now, I there's no income coming. So the la I remember when I think two weeks ago, I was on my last food. I had just made the last um rice that I had. And I said, Oh god, um, well, it's over to you. You won't believe that that evening somebody brought food like meat, chicken, uh, every kind of food that I could ever think uh asked for. Some of the food was cooked, you know. Because of my left hand, I'm normally very, very clumsy, especially uh, you know, at the at the cooker. God knew that the food had finished, so he said, Someone to bring food for me. Do you understand? And that's because I trust him, you know. If the thing is, like, if he gave if he gives me the food, if he doesn't give me the food, it's okay. You know, the Bible says uh those leopards that if I perish, I perish. You get so um, yeah, I would love for the young ones to have trust in God first of all, you know, and um for parents to they should cultivate um you know trust so that even the the the young ones can when they know that they can trust you, they will tell you anything. I know that as a fact, you know. My son tells me anything.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, no, thank you so much for that. No, thank you, yes, you You have definitely given me you've given me a very good reminder about my authority in Christ. And that's authority over anything and everything. And how the devil is powerless.

Surviving Sexual Assault & Finding Strength in God

SPEAKER_01

Thank you. Thank you for that reminder. I appreciate that so much. You're so wise. Evelyn, and I wanted to touch on you know deep personal trauma. You said that you had experienced rape, and after you experienced rape, you made a decision that it would not define or end your life. What actually helped you find the strength to keep going and continue pursuing your purpose? My own mum was also raped, and it was very difficult for her to move on in life. So what helped you to heal?

SPEAKER_03

What I would say is the Lord is my strength. You know, and that was well, there was a time I was like, where did this strength come from? And there was a reminder that God is your strength. And I just knew that God wanted to do something to glorify himself out of that. You know, when I first gave um an interview about this rape thing, you won't believe the women that came out to tell their stories, you know, and there was one that was raped Annally by her pastor. You know, there was another one that was raped three times. Um one one by her sorry, twice, one by her cousin. This and and then when she told her parents, they told her to shut up that she should not mention it anymore. And then the second one was by anthrobers that came to yeah. So there are many people who are going, but this is what I said to them. I said, one, you are not a victim. When you use that word victim, it it gives some power to the rapist. You are a survivor. That's one. Number two, it doesn't matter how long it takes you to heal, take whatever time you like. When you heal, pick yourself up. I had this small um organization, you know, um when they've healed, I will ask them what their passions are. What do they want to do? Um, if you're a fashion designer, I put you in front of a fashion designer, you know, because of my job, I get to know a lot of people. I will say, please help her get into what she wants. If you're a makeup artist, I get a makeup artist and they train you, you know. But the most important thing is that do not tell anybody that they should get over it. It's you weren't the person being raped, so you don't know the trauma, right? So take your time. Take your time. You know, they say it's okay to go to hell, but it's not okay to stay there. You know? So that's that's um yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Wow. Thank you so much. Thank you for sharing that. Yes, because it's true, you know, it's people experience deep shame, I know, because my mum is also a survivor of rape. There's a shame that comes with it, and then also a fear, you know, and then a fear of also speaking up. And sadly, when people do speak up, unfortunately, they are shamed even more for it. You know, even reporting to the police is a very scary thing to do because you'll just think, well w well, would they blame me too? And even if it does go to court, you know, will the person be prosecuted? In the case of my mom, the man was not prosecuted. So what did you do? Did you report it to the police?

SPEAKER_00

Um, no.

SPEAKER_03

What okay, um when I before I said God, I wouldn't let this this um this incident affect my life, the I the first thing I said when I left the room was, or rather, when he pushed me out of the room, was that I pray that he gives his life to Christ. That was the first thing I said before I now said um um this this incident won't affect my life. Like I said, not everybody can go through that. Nobody not everybody has the strength, right? And that's why I said it you can take how long it takes you to heal, you know. Everybody. Um it's sad that you mentioned the police because in in I I I do not trust the police in anything. They even if it's I don't trust the police. The police to me is not my friend, you know. So that's it's not even just because of rape instance generally. I don't trust them. I I that I don't think that they are doing their work as effectively as the media say they are. You know, so um yeah, they uh I don't know how to to put this. But strength is you don't know how strength how strong you are until something happens to you. Um since I've had the stroke, a lot of I've I've found other ways to do things. Do you get if something happens to you, survival instinct steps in immediately, right? So you will find a way. I just know that you will find a way. I know it might be hard to say because oh you're talking like this because you had the strength, but I know that there's inner strength in everybody. Unfortunately, I can't find it for you, you know, but I can help you, you know, get there.

SPEAKER_02

That's that's what I I say concerning the strength.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, thank you. Thank you so much for that. Um, my mum, when so when the rape had happened, she wasn't a Christian yet, like me, we gave our lives to Christ four years ago this at the same time. Um but what happened, what triggered this response to her healing was she came across this TED talk and the woman was m mentioned that she had been raped and she said what helped her was forgiveness.

SPEAKER_02

So meanwhile sorry sorry, let's use the word um sexually assaulted.

SPEAKER_01

Sexually assaulted. And meanwhile, when when she clicked the video, she didn't know that the theme was was abuse, you know, so it just was like the power of forgiveness. And anyway, sh this lady said that forgiving the person who had assaulted her is what helped her to heal. You know, but she said it from a place of she said it from a place of like she just had to really dig deep to forgive this man. So my mum tried to do the same, but it it it was very difficult for her, you know. She thought she she just thought, how could I do that? And then she was even thinking maybe I can try and find him to try and forgive him face to face or over the phone, but she couldn't find him. But anyways, she was really struggling to move on in life, and she came across this lady who was also assaulted. This was a family this was like a friend from Facebook who was also assaulted, shared her story with her, and this and my mum couldn't move on because the man wasn't prosecuted. You had assaulted my mum. And she said she's just so upset because he's not gonna be judged. He's not gonna be judged for what he did to her. And the woman, my mum's friend, just said, Okay. But what if I told you that he will be judged, and it will be the perfect judgment that this the like the courts that get things wrong here will not even be able to meet because he will be judged by God. And that just opened my it just opened my mom up so much to God, and then that's when she eventually gave her life to Jesus Christ. But long story short, I think also I'd like to add I think a lot of times like when people have wronged me, I found it really hard to forgive them. I'll say I forgive them, but deep down inside I'm still holding resentment, and I couldn't really like have a conversation with them without feeling some sort of anger or resentment towards them. I also think asking God as well for him to give us like a spirit of forgiveness as well, you know, because they they Jesus was murdered. He was murdered, you know, and beaten, assaulted himself. And as he was assaulted, he just said, Father, forgive them for they don't know what they do. You know. I love how you said um before we talked, you said that no no one is born a rapist. You know, there's something that has happened for them to now want to go and exert power over somebody else in such an evil, horrible way. So um yeah, I I thank you so much for that. Yeah. And so do you go to God as well? Like, did you did did you find like healing in God? For someone who wants healing, what advice would you give them to?

SPEAKER_03

That's difficult because different people have different ways of um of processing things. You know, that's why I've said that it doesn't matter how long it takes you to to heal and doesn't matter which way you heal. I for one, dealing with people and forgiveness, if you upset me, I have to tell you that you have upset me, right? If I don't tell you, then it will start to build the grudge. But the moment I have said it, it's out, it's gone, you don't even have to tell me sorry. You know, I've moved on. So when you try to bring me back, I'm like, uh wait a minute, this thing happened, you know, so many days ago. But I've moved on, you know, and that would now bring shame to the person who has offended, if you know what I mean, you know. So um that's the way I deal with this. So if a friend that has known me for over 20 years, he he was like, it was like he was thinking, and I said, do you get angry? I've never seen you angry. I said I do get angry, but I make sure that I don't sleep on it. Because at the end of the day, it's only yourself you are doing you know, you're you're punishing yourself. You know, the person that has done whatever has moved on, you do sign your dear saying, I can never forgive this person, I can never, you know, if God that is the ultimate can forgive us and we do worse things, why can't we forgive somebody? And and if I when when you hurt me like that, it's not because I don't forgive. If I stay away from you, it's because I don't want that pain again. It's not because I don't forgive you, you know. I I stay away because I don't want to be in a position where you can hurt me that much, you know, to cause pain, you know, but the world would be a better place. And I just pray that uh, you know, the youths, the youth, you know, should I wish there's a way that everybody could help, every human every adult can help the youths because they do need they do need the help. Number one, the adults come from a different era. You know, when I see some of the youths, what they're doing now, I'm like, why? How come? In my day we didn't but I've forgotten that the times are different. So I take my time to study the times so that I can adjust how I'm feeling towards these youth, you know, and get you know get on with them very well.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, amen. Thank you. And for for young people who have been silenced by trauma and deep shame and fear,

Don’t Give Up on Your Dreams

SPEAKER_01

and they're listening to you speak right now, what would you say to encourage them that their story and their ambitions still matter?

SPEAKER_03

Okay, this I I don't know. I I hope what I'm going to say will be taken. Just know that everything happens in life happens for a reason. There is no accident in life. It happens for a reason. I don't know if you watched the show with um the girl that um had the plane that survived the plane crash. I didn't watch that one. I watched the I watched the other one. Maybe when you go back, you watch it, right? She was the only surviving student. All the other her friends, her classmates, they all died. Um, and their teacher will also survive. Now, this girl, from the time that I interviewed her, from the time of the crash to the time that I interviewed her, she had had 38 plastic uh um cosmetic pre procedures, right? And even before we started the interview, I said they should bring tissues so that in case she starts crying. And her aunt said, No, she won't cry. You know, there was something she said, I'm just happy to be alive. And I looked at her saying this, and I'm like, really? Me, I would complain. If the sun doesn't shine, I will complain. If the rain doesn't fall, I will complain. And here's somebody who has been through that trauma and is to say she's just happy to be alive. Now, during her um her healing process in hospital in South Africa, because she was taken to South Africa before she went to America, she just started learning to sing. Do you know that today she has been on American Idol? Right? Wow, she came second, then they all the all-stars American Idol, she came first, she does TED talks, she has been before the um the um the Senate in in um in America, she has spoken to them. You know, she's so inspiring when you hear her, so that's why I say nothing. These people should realize that if they are going through things, right, that they should know that it's happening for a reason, either for you know, for their good, you know, they should take that to heart and like, okay, this two will pass. If you find out that, you know, when when we are when we get so worried about, I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow, I don't know what is going to happen, tomorrow comes and you say, This is the day that I worried about yesterday. You can't do anything about what is happening to you, but just know that whatever is happening to you at any given time is for a reason. The only thing that can stop you is if you're dead. As far as you open your eyes in the morning, all right, man, this is another day to to you know to get something, and one day it will come.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, wow, thank you so much. Thank you. That is very, very inspiring. And for for like a young person who's listening and they feel torn between playing it safe and truly going after their dreams, what would you say to that young person listening right now? Nobody should they shouldn't play it safe.

SPEAKER_02

You shouldn't play safe at all.

SPEAKER_03

You know? If if you if you play it safe, you would never know. You know, you should get out of that comfort zone and go and you know, make it. You know, you if if you get to if you get to the fast the first door and it shuts in your face, go to the second, go to the third, go to the fourth, and by the fifth it will open. You are alive, right? So the fifth, I I don't want to hear that you know, that they they want to stay in their safe so you know.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, thank you. And you went on to build your own platforms. I know you also um built an organization to help other survivors, and you also went on to build your own production company. And you don't do it anymore. Yeah. You stopped doing that. Yes. How come?

SPEAKER_02

I was a bit overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_03

I was a bit um but I I guess um the time had come to I feel that I had fulfilled my purpose in that area.

SPEAKER_00

Yes.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

SPEAKER_03

And you went into also doing I was gonna say that I did do a production or I wrote a script that I'm um I'm looking for funding to to produce. I did I'll probably send it to you. I did do a uh production where the the lead actress was gantry when she was in high school. You know, so I did um I I I you know and she went on to become one of the the most powerful black women in the UK because her ch her station, her her channel went on, you know, it was the talk of the town. Everybody wanted to to be identified with her channel. That was the story. So that's to tell you that don't give up.

SPEAKER_00

Never, never.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you, thank you, yeah. And I you also set up like your own production company, your own platforms, your own shows. What words of advice would you give to a young person who also wishes to build their own platform? We're in a day and age now where it the barriers to entry to do that are much lower because of things like social media and YouTube. So for a young person who wants to build their own platform, what can you tell them and own their voice and their own message?

SPEAKER_03

Well, um I really don't like what the influencers are putting out there. Um it's not uh it doesn't edify either for them or for the the general uh for general viewing, but they want the likes. You know, they want the they want the crowd. And you know, at after a while they would wear out, you know. I'm been in this business for first 40 years. Right? I have had the knocks, my dear. I have had the knocks, but I'll be cry, I will cry, I'm like, oh god, what am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing? But I'll pick myself up and get you know get going again. So they have to decide what they want to because a generation will come after them and they will have to to inspire them, they have they will have to be role models to the the next generation. So they should bear in mind what message they want to send out there. This media business, right? It's not everything you see or hear that is true. Most of it is is not true, right? So they should uh stick at what they've decided they want to do, stick at it because you will definitely get knocks. The the knocks you will get are even worse. Now I remember I was trolled um because I couldn't pay um some production um crew members. I was trolled very, very badly. You know? If I didn't know where I was going I would have given up. You know, because that's the worst thing that could happen to to someone. You know, I was trolled. But I'm still here You know? So number one, they should decide on something positive that they want to portray and they should have belief in themselves because we're talking about young people not having belief in themselves and then they should also stick at it. Stick at it like a glue. You know, should they should just continue pushing, pushing. One day they're gonna get there.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, amen. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, there was one thing you mentioned in our call before this. You said when I asked you about masturbation, you said um, and it's even something this is I can't remember exactly how you said it, but you're like, yes, it's something that people struggle with, and it's even something that you may condemn someone else for struggling with. Do you remember? Yeah.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Can you just explain a little bit about that? I'm interested in that. You know, like I was saying, and it happens too many things.

SPEAKER_03

You will masturbate and you will begin to condemn those that are masturbating. I forget that you too, you're masturbating. That was that that's what I said. So you're not helping yourself, you're not helping the person. Nobody should judge anybody. Nobody should judge you know when I stopped judging people when I got the rhema of David. David was an adulterist, he was a murderer, yet he was a man after God's heart. Not only that, it is through his lineage that the savior of the world was born. So that was when I stopped. I said, Oh, I I will not I I I don't um it's not my place to judge. Because you don't know where those people meet with God. You don't you don't know what's caused it, you know. You don't know, you don't know um how they're dealing with it. You know nothing, you just know that they masturbate. You get so I I just yeah, they should they should um stop judging.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, why do you why do you think you uh had judged? Was it because maybe it was a projection and then like no generally generally, you know what it was really?

SPEAKER_03

I do things very, very differently. I don't I don't do the norm at all. You know, most of the things that I do, I'm the first to do them, you know. And I'm a very impatient person and I'm very meticulous. So people who are not meticulous, I would criticize them. And someone said to me, said, Evelyn, you should realize that people are not as fast as you. And I now said and I said, okay. And then I now said, God, please give me the patience, give me the patience, you know, because um really everybody everybody in this world is going through their own journey, you know, and how they get there doesn't have anything to do, it's not your business, you know. So uh I I you know you shouldn't be the judge.

SPEAKER_01

Thank you. Thank you for that. Right, so when when once you've reflected on everything you've encountered, you've been through, you've overcome, and when life feels heavy, where do you find grounding and meaning and strength? Where do you personally find that today?

SPEAKER_03

You know what? Everything that I do, everything that I do and everything that I've done must inspire. If it doesn't inspire, then I'm not gonna do it. Right? I believe that when when someone comes to me, you wouldn't understand how many people continue and say, Oh, Evelyn, you've really inspired me. I remember there was one of my guests, um, she I think she was she I can't remember her story, but after watching their program, she's after watching the show, she came to say to me, Evelyn, I've got healing. I've never what I've never told this story to anybody before. And that gave me fulfillment to know that what I'm doing, right?

SPEAKER_02

Even with um the scarf business, I believe that anybody who wears the scarf will be touched, you know, spiritually, in you know, in God's way which scarf is a scarf I'm making. Okay, didn't I send it to you? Yeah, uh I didn't see anything about scarf. Okay, I'll send it to you.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, amazing. Yeah, send it to me. Oh, that's amazing, amen. I love that. So you you like pray over. I'm also I'm also trying to do a perfume.

SPEAKER_03

Um yeah, about the perfume. I'm crazy, yeah. I'm crazy about perfumes, you know. So I I found out that oh that um there there isn't a scent that lasts 24 hours on on skin, on on all types of skin. There isn't good. So I tried to um do something with that. Um also waiting for funds to do the mass production. But I've I've got I've done the scent, which is nice. I've done a unisex and a f um female, you know.

SPEAKER_01

So maybe all to the glory of me. Amen. Amen. And to this video, you will find your investor in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen. Okay. Well, before we close, I'd like to end episodes in a prayer. So please let me know. Is there anything that like you need, anything at all? Let me know. I can get it for you because I have Jesus living in me for me to include it in this prayer now.

SPEAKER_03

I I'm good. I'm just grateful to God Almighty for everything he has done and keeps doing.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, so like a general prayer.

SPEAKER_02

Okay. Okay, you want me to pray or you? I can oh, I'll pray, but you can add as well.

SPEAKER_01

Alright, you pray. Okay. In Jesus' name. Heavenly Father, we thank you so much, Lord, for this wonderful episode today. Thank you, God, because this episode has been so edifying, so freeing, so transparent, and I understand I know that it's going to help so many people who have watched, who've been listening in and have been watching in. I pray, Lord, that those people who are listening right now, I pray in the mighty name of Jesus that you just touch their hearts right now. You have an encounter with them right now. If there's any healing that they need, I pray you just heal them right now. And it's every type of healing, it's emotional healing, mental healing, physical healing, spiritual healing right now from the top of their head, all the way down to the tips of their toes. Just meet them right now at their point of need. I pray, Lord, that you will continue to guide Evelyn. I pray in the name of Jesus that you will just increase her faith even more. I thank you, Jesus, that the lessons that you have for her to learn in this season in her life that she's in. I thank you, God, because you are teaching her, you're giving her so much wisdom. You are giving her a spirit of revelation and a spirit of wisdom for her to then teach and give to so many other people who may be in the situation that she's in right now in terms of a stroke. I thank you, Lord God, because you have given her a ministry, a fantastic ministry, Lord God. Her life is just a ministry that has so many lessons that people can learn from and and be used to upgrade their lives and also touch and impact so many people, billions of people around the world. I thank you, Jesus. Thank you so much, Father. We thank you, Lord. I pray in the name of Jesus that the right people will watch this video and they'll partner up with Evelyn with all the amazing projects that you've placed on her heart. I thank you, Jesus, for the funding you've given Evelyn. I pray in the name of Jesus that that funding will increase exponentially in the mighty name of Jesus. That you'll give her so much funding, so much backing, so much resources. The right people to come beside her and beside the projects that you've placed on her heart, that she'll be overwhelmed with just how much help you have given her. I thank you, God, for providing for her. I thank you, Lord, because you've given her everything she needs already. I thank you, Jesus. Lord, because you're with her, protecting her, loving her, and guiding her, and you see her in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen. Amen. Amen.

SPEAKER_04

Amen.

SPEAKER_01

No. Thank you so much, Evelyn. And I just want you to know that my final and my wonderful message for you is that you are bold, and Jesus Christ loves the same.

SPEAKER_02

God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of boldness and his sound heart.

SPEAKER_01

Line. Amen. Jesus' name. Thank you so much again. It's always been a pleasure. It's been a privilege having you on. Thank you.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah. Thank you for having me. I'm quite honored.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, thank you. I'm honored. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your wisdom and being so transparent and free. It's really inspiring. Yeah. Thank you. God bless you. God bless you. Amen.