What If There’s Nothing to Fix? Ally’s Story of Coming Home to Herself

What if the anxiety, pressure, hypervigilance, and exhaustion you’re experiencing aren’t signs that something is wrong with you… but invitations to relate to yourself differently?

In today’s deeply honest and heartfelt conversation, Kelly Ryan sits down with longtime private coaching client Ally to explore what really changed when she stopped trying to “fix” herself and started learning how to feel safe within herself instead.

Together, they talk about:

• Living in chronic stress and survival mode
• Motherhood, pressure, perfectionism, and internal exhaustion
• Anxiety, GI issues, sleeplessness, and nervous system dysregulation
• Why insight alone doesn’t always create transformation
• Learning to process emotions instead of suppressing them
• Self-compassion, inner child healing, and emotional safety
• Expanding beyond fear and trusting yourself
• Visualization, manifestation, and creating a life that feels aligned
• Moving from hypervigilance into freedom, softness, and self-trust

This episode is not a highlight reel or a performance. It’s a vulnerable, real-life conversation about healing, identity shifts, emotional resilience, and what becomes possible when you stop abandoning yourself and begin listening to your inner voice.

If you’ve been high-functioning on the outside while quietly overwhelmed on the inside… this conversation may feel like a deep exhale.

Because maybe you’re not broken.
Maybe you’re just carrying too much.

Private Coaching with Kelly:
Anchor Meditation Private Coaching

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hi, I'm Kelly Ryan, and welcome back to Aligned and Alive from Within. Today's episode is a little bit different, and I'm so excited to share it with you. We talk a lot here about nervous system regulation, emotional resilience, and reconnecting with your inner guidance. But sometimes the most powerful way to understand what this work actually looks like in real life is to hear it from someone who's lived it. And today I'm joined by Allie. And over the past year and a half, we've worked together privately. And what I've witnessed in her life has been amazing because she reconnected with who she already was. And what you're about to hear isn't a highlight reel or a sales pitch at all. It's an honest conversation about anxiety, pressure, motherhood, identity shifts, and what starts to change when you begin relating to yourself differently. And so my hope is that somewhere in Allie's story you might recognize a piece of yourself and realize that this kind of change is possible for you too. And so my intention is pretty simple, just that you hear something in their story that looks like you or feels like you and realize that this kind of change is also possible for you. If it was possible for them, it might be possible for you too. And so today I'm joined by Allie. And one of the things that I admire most about Allie is how she shows up. And there is a steadiness and a self-trust and a soft strength within her. So this isn't an interview, this is really a conversation. So welcome Allie. Thank you for being here.

SPEAKER_00 1:55

Thanks, Kelly. I'm excited to be here.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Good. And so before we start, I'd love to go back a little. Um, when you think about the version of you who we started working together in the summer of 2024, what do you recall about what your days felt like from the inside?

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Yeah, in the summer of 2024, I when I reached out to you, I'm trying to bring myself back to that state. I was in a state of a big transition where I had just between work and not because I chose to be.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

And you had your daughter was very young then, too, right?

SPEAKER_00 3:59

Yeah, I was gonna say my daughter, the time was almost two, was turning two that summer, and she's my first. And I think it was also like now I look back and I'm like, I look back on that period, and I think that summer was a little bit like end of spring, going into summer, this change with work, the health stuff I had going on. It was also a little bit of like I had been pushing so hard since I had my daughter. And I think it felt like pushing in a like having to keep it all together, like maintain tight nap routines and be on top of it and like all these things. And I think that also like break me is a very aggressive term, but it felt like it was like a tipping point that something had to change. It was not sustainable anymore. And I was now I look back and see that, but I had pushed, yeah, really. I started a consulting firm after my daughter was born and just all the stress that comes with I think a child in general. But yeah, that was a piece of it is still feeling like, how do I keep showing up for her in these ways? And I think I was, but by showing up for her, there are parts of me that I just didn't feel like I probably was taking care of as much.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

Thank you for naming that because as moms and working moms, there's a lot that we carry that other people can't see, right? It's that internal pressure to be everything as a mom that you want to be to your daughter and show your career and your marriage and all the things. It's a lot of a lot on our nervous system.

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Yeah, I think the pressure is the pressure is definitely was at that time particularly a big part of it, and like the pressure of feeling like I don't know what I'm doing next for work, and I'm just really stressed out and I'm not sleeping as well, and da-da-da-da-da. And the pressure of feeling like I needed to fix it. I felt a lot of pressure, like, how do I fix? Because I still do like to jump to fixing, but particularly then really wanted a fix.

SPEAKER_01 6:14

And I'm curious, if this version of you had a voice, what would she have been saying?

SPEAKER_00 6:20

I think that voice at that time was like basically like, I gotta fix this. Like, I want to figure out how I fix, get back to my regular sleep, get back to feeling better, feeling calmer, feeling less antsy, or that version of me probably wasn't near as good as I am now at naming feelings, but just was like, no thing, no, I'm done with this. I want out, but in a like not a patient way, and probably in a very hard on myself way of like, we have to fix it. There's something wrong. We have to figure out how to get out of this kind of thing.

SPEAKER_01 6:56

Yeah, and change usually starts with that type of brutal honesty, right? I remember for myself at least, I had an autoimmune disease and a bunch of challenges at it just in other aspects of my life. And I remember having a moment of recognition that I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired. And nobody else can fix this for me. It's something I can only do for myself. And so that begins a big journey. And so I'm curious, is there a specific moment that you realized something needed to shift or that there was something you were no longer willing to normalize, like that level of stress or sleeplessness, or a moment where you thought, like, I can't keep relating to myself this way?

SPEAKER_00 7:41

I remember at some point during the beginning of that summer being like, I'm in the same shit I've been in, but I've been here before. I have a kid now, but it's the same shit. My GI is a mess. I've been here before. Okay, that sucks. And then that got gets me all antsy and like the GI brain connection and blah, blah, blah. But like, what is going on with this? I have to figure out this health thing that's been going on for years that I've never figured out how to get to the root cause of. And then was like, okay, these other things that I'm feeling. My sleep has always made me anxious if I'm not sleeping well. Okay. What is this like deeper anxiety or fear I have around it? And then I think those were probably like when I look back, the main things I remember. But I remember I like went back and started seeing a therapist who is lovely, who I've seen in the past. And I just, as I was working through this, I just remember this point of being like, I used to also with like start working out really hard when I'm stressed and like running myself as hard as I could. And was just like, I remember this point of being like, this is not gonna change by doing the same thing I've done in the past. It's just like trying to solve the same problem with the same thing. Like, why I just remember this moment of being like, wait a minute, I've been here before and I've gotten out of it and like healed or worked through it, but like something at that point was like, I need something that feels different and that feels I didn't know what it was, but was just felt very much like I felt called to have find something deeper than like, eh, yeah, I can like whatever do kind of some of the stuff I'd done in the past. And I remember my aunt who knows you, Kelly, had sent me, I had like knew uh your meditation studio and got your emails and happened to get your email while I was visiting family about coaching. And I remember seeing it and was like, I just like felt like this is what I need and I need it now. And I think that's when I probably filled out your form and sent you an email and was like, okay, this is the different thing. And I just remember this moment of like telling probably my husband and some other people about it, and people kind of being like, You're gonna get a coach, and like, what is this? Like, why don't you just like do what you're doing? And I remember being like, no, no one else knows what I need. Like, I know I need something different. I like found was like, nope, I'm gonna get a real coat. Like, this feels right for me inside of me. I found a different, like a functional medicine doc to solve the also autoimmune GI stuff I had, and was just kind of like, no, I don't care if people think this is crazy or I'm spending too much money on it, or gonna take too much time. Like, I need something different, and I need something that like feels right, that's gonna work for me at this time.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Oh, I have chills because you've led yourself so beautifully to the perfect right place for you to be and grown so much since that time. And I always just think it's so affirming that when you begin to follow yourself and honor your inner knowing that you truly are a self-healer, right? Yeah, I I haven't heard you talk about a GI thing in the past year and a half, so no, because I've magically have zero, I've healed my entire GI also.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

Magic, both with some changes through finding the right position and also through all I think my nervous system work has also it like they've magically gone directly hand in hand.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Absolutely. And some of the people who are listening might know this. I also healed from an autoimmune disease when I began meditating, and there's a very strong correlation between stress and inflammation. And inflammation is the root cause of almost all diseases. So if anybody is out there and they're struggling with chronic illness or autoimmune conditions, I encourage you to consider nervous system work and meditation as part of your healing. And I'm curious, Ali, when we first began having sessions together, what felt uncomfortable about slowing down or actually turning towards the feelings that were there? The feelings of anxiety or self-doubt or uncertainty.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

Yeah, I think I think when we started working together, I think I felt like I was doing a lot of the things. And I always have been. Like when we started working together, I had been meditating for almost five years. I've been meditating. Um and you know, I do what I would call like people often think of all the things. I meditate or I meditated, I do a lot of yoga. I have my yoga teacher, um, and did my yoga cert and like love all that stuff and read all the like self-help spiritually typed books. So it had been like a lot of those things were there. But I think as we started working together, it was almost like to really slow down and go in like a level deeper inside myself to be able to really, and at that time it was like seeing what we talked a lot about as the core, like limiting beliefs, or like where's like this core of all this stuff?

SPEAKER_01 13:12

The things that root cause, yeah. The root cause.

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Yeah, yes, there's sleeplessness, or I'm feeling hyper stressed, and all these things, and I don't want to slow down. And it's like, what is the root? And as like we started to get into the root, and like for me, a lot of that is like was at that time and still is feeling safe, but like I had never been able to identify that on my own before, and then to be able to feel that in my body and realize like a lot of all what I'm feeling is all fear-based. It was uncomfortable, I think, to do that. And maybe it was also like not just uncomfortable, but a little uncertain. Like, is this really gonna help? Like a little bit, like, okay, like I feel like this is right. And I did start to see changes pretty immediately. But it was funny to be like, these are some of the things I've been doing, but something has shifted where I am really going much more deeply inward. I'm asking harder questions. I'm starting to hear an inner voice and learn what that is like instead of trying to just fix, fix, fix this like pause to come inward and to, and like that took a very long time before I could even understand what you're talking about and be able to do it myself and start to listen, but like realizing and then to look back, I remember that summer fall when we were working together. I looked back and was like, oh my God, since I've had my daughter in the past two years, like this seems simple, but like I naturally all of a sudden, probably around that time, started taking evening showers. We'd put my daughter to bed, or I would do it if my husband put my daughter to bed and would be like, if I take an evening shower, I'm actually in the shower, I love a shower for like 20 minutes and I think about all the things, I can go inward. And I have not been doing this in the past two years. So if I didn't have this protected time and some morning protected time, like when is there a pause in my day that I can actually start to hear my inner voice, to start to know ask these questions? And like I think that inner starting to come back to that stillness required, I mean, it's uncomfortable, it's hard to get that still to be able to hear those things, notice things, and let them come up. And I think that was a huge part of particularly when things could like have the space to start to shift.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Yes, yeah, because we all are carrying around so much unprocessed emotions and congested with such overload of information with the pace of today's world that it is extremely important to have some spaciousness and stillness. So that's a beautiful recognition for you to have and thing for you to share with our audience. And I hope if anyone out there is listening and struggling to find that time for yourself, you will begin to give yourself that gift because only you can give yourself permission to honor yourself and nurture yourself in that way. And both for myself and for Allie and for so many other parents that I've worked with. It's a beautiful thing. So I encourage you to honor that. I'm curious, Allie, was there a moment when you realized, oh, this isn't about fixing myself or like figuring out what's wrong with me, but it's actually about relating to myself differently.

SPEAKER_00 16:48

I don't remember the exact moment, but I remember and have felt this feeling of like, oh, what if there is nothing to fix? Like, and being able to sit in whether it was a meditation you were guiding me through, and like we did some work around that, and like playing with these statements of like, what if there's nothing to fix? And it's not to mean like I don't still jump to fixing plenty of times now, but seeing that pattern. But I remember being like, oh, if there's nothing, it's just how I'm relating to it. Like, look at all the more ease that creates in my body and the spaciousness I feel, and like the tension that feels like it's released, or like my hyper-vigilance to like make sure I am doing everything well. I'm just hyper-vigilant about my sleep and parenting and work and blah blah blah. And so I think it's more, I remember that progression very clearly of being like this, and we talk about as a softening feels truly different. A little bit at the time being like, oh, this is real. I read about this, I hear people talking about this, blah, blah, blah. But like, oh, this is actually real for me. And I want to share something that I don't know, I think might be helpful that you and I have talked a lot about is on the thoughts leading to feelings piece. The other pace that was, I would say, like, a real breakthrough for me is when I started with Kelly, I remember us talking like really clearly. And I was like, Kelly, I sit and I don't have, I don't always know my thoughts. And I remember when we first started, we talked about like some people just feel first. And by me first being able to name those feelings and sit with them, like I could then start to, even if I didn't exactly know what the thought was, I could then start to work back and be like, okay, well, I know what the feeling is because I'm in it. So I can work back and like I can change, I can choose a new thought here. And that power, I think, knowing like that I can do. Like, it's not someone else to fix me, it's not like a doctor to fix my stomach or like your meditation teacher, like that is was so empowering for me to recognize that, especially when I've always felt like, you know, everyone's already told me I have such big feelings, you're such blah blah blah, like you're such a feeler, da-da-da. And but like it really made me be like, I am, but I also am not trying to control my feelings, but like I can then work back to start to change these thoughts. Like there is a reason why where these are coming from, and understanding how thoughts and feelings work together, and then understanding how I can like start to name figure out the thoughts that are happening, even if they're not always obvious, and figure out where I have the power to shift them, I would say is so incredibly powerful. And I think a lot of people like we're either told to shut down our feelings or not have these big feelings, or you're just like an emotional human and all those things. But I think it also gave me being like, my feelings are giving me power of like I have so much to learn from them, and I can also still change these thoughts and have a lot of power. Um, I love that I love that.

SPEAKER_01 20:07

So, what Ally's talking about here is cognitive behavioral therapy, which basically says thoughts create feelings cause us to take action or inaction, and whatever actions or inaction would be like procrastination or staying stuck, create the results that we're experiencing in all aspects of our life, in our health, in our wealth, in our relationships. And so awareness is power, and she's really taken back her power in a big way because the truth is that just like we choose the food that we eat and the clothes that we wear, we get to choose our thoughts and choose our feelings. And yes, sometimes we're not always, you know, feelings that are challenging, like self-doubt, guilt, shame, or judgment, or feelings that we might not like to have. We can redirect ourselves to feel something new. And so, what have you experienced about processing difficult feelings and also choosing desired feelings and understanding that you can tune into your desired feelings and shift what you're experiencing more in the direction of how you would like to think and feel?

SPEAKER_00 21:22

Yeah, I think in terms of processing difficult feelings, I've just realized one, like being able to accept difficult feelings and emotions and let understanding how energy works and let them move through my body and using different tools, whether it's shaking or you know, some chakra stuff or taking deep breaths. There's a lot of awesome tools and like somatic tools too that can allow those to move through that I think I've realized can be helpful, and that the more I allow, the more we can let those change. Challenging emotions move through and that they're not bad, which I know we all know emotions are just emotions, but that they're not bad and that they will move through. But processing, I think, has been the biggest thing of like actually doing the things to process these emotions is the way to move through them. And like in the past, just being like, uh, I'm just feeling this, I'll just let it go, or like kind of buried away, but actually digging in and being like, well, what is the root of this? Is there like this core belief I have? Is it a core thought that's like create making this come up and up again? What is the fear? Like, and it takes a lot of work. It takes some time to either sit with it or journal or however I like to go on a run and like think through it. It takes time to work through it, but I've really seen the benefit of like if I do those things, it does process and it moves through it. I have cleansed that thing or let it go, and sometimes they come up again, but like then I'm not stuck in it anymore.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

Stuck, like only you can free yourself, and you have yourself in so many ways. And what Ali's referring to right now is that emotions are just energy and motion. And so if we are experiencing an emotion and we allow it to be there, we make it welcome, the emotion actually rises, peaks, and subsides within 90 seconds. But of course, a lot of us have had big emotions that have stuck around a lot longer than 90 seconds. And the reason for that is because of the stories we make them mean in our head. So we start saying, I don't like being angry, I am frustrated at this person or whatever, and we make up a story. And so Allie's talking about looking at the story, be becoming aware of the feeling or the emotion that we're having and the felt sensation that that's causing within our physical body, and then recognizing it, allowing it to be there and investigating it with curiosity and compassion. And so now when you experience difficult emotions compared to before, what do you do differently?

SPEAKER_00 24:09

I I mean, I think the biggest change I do differently now is I have like I coach myself in my head about them. Like, right? I was like leaving the gym and all of a sudden was feeling like really, I don't know, fear, anxiousness, feeling all the uncomfortable things, and was like walking out and was like, I can talk to myself in my head, be like, okay, this is just fear. All right, let's take some deep breaths. I know how to deal with this. Like, and I'm going through a big change right now. I just left my job um because I wanted to. Okay, this is here, showing up because I'm choosing to do something really new. And like I can close my eyes, sometimes I'll put my hands on my heart and like be with myself and be like, okay, it's okay to feel this. Like, I've got you. Take a little break. Like, what do you need? And then if I know that it's something that I'm like thinking about, being like, uh, I will work on whether it's choosing some new thoughts, processing the stuff that I think is coming up. But I think that's the biggest thing is it's not like uh I let it build and then figure it out at the end of the day or at the end of the week or something. It is like a, oh, as these things come up, I start to recognize and process in my head and go through and have some recognition right then. And that's that's a huge shift. I think to have that. I've noticed it as a big shift and it it allows me to move through things in a way I wasn't able to before.

SPEAKER_01 25:37

Yes, I love that. It allows you to coach yourself and feel yourself and lead yourself so beautifully. And I've seen that in your life. And I'm curious when you think about your identity in terms of who you were when you first reached out and who you know yourself to be now. How has that shifted?

SPEAKER_00 26:02

How I think of myself now is in much more of like a soul-based way than I think I thought of before. And I think before I would have thought like I was like, you're not your thoughts, there's an ego, your mind, those kind of things, but I never really felt it, I don't think. I never like I could read all those books or like different Buddhist texts and stuff, but I didn't feel that. So it was like not actually this deeper belief in me at that time. And I think now I feel much more like I am like a soul or consciousness, like connected to other beings, to the nature around me. And I am this bigger, vaster, more connected thing. And that gives me some space between the thoughts. And I think that's the bigger thing. Like my identity and the stuff that I always have felt needs fixed or need needed fix, still needs fixed, those things like life that happens, struggles I have with my mom, or old stuff that comes up that I'm still working on and want to figure out how to heal. And that, like, you know, being a new parent brings up a lot of old stuff from like me being a kid all the time. And like I think is the biggest thing. But like, I think now there's some space where like those things that come up doesn't feel like that's my identity of being like having a really challenging relationship with my mom is not my identity anymore, or like the parts that I always felt were probably a little bit negative more than the positive that were like part of my identity is not as much what I identify as because I see a lot of those as just like pieces and parts to heal and love and like understand, but they don't feel like they are my core being anymore. And so there's not the same urgency to heal and fix those things if they don't feel like they're as much like my core being, and I see my core in a much in a whole way.

SPEAKER_01 28:03

Yeah, because we tend to over-identify with our thoughts. And I think what you're touching on here is the recognition that, oh, I'm not my thoughts, I'm the one who is witnessing my thoughts, and therefore I don't need to be so identified, and I can actually be curious is this thought even true? Is it fact or fiction? Is it a story I'm making up? Who would I be if it wasn't true?

SPEAKER_00 28:28

And then by doing that, I think it's just like I think that takes practice too. Like, I know that if if you meditate or use any of the meditation apps or go to a lot of yoga classes and stuff, like hearing that is one thing that I've I'd heard that a lot, but feeling the difference, like being able to say that, think that, try and figure out what that means, sit in that, but being able to actually feel that and like the more I've stayed in doing this, continuing to be like open to what needs healed as parts of me and seeing those parts instead of identifying as those parts, I think I just start to feel that more and more, which feels really different than just trying to think your way into like I'm not my thoughts. It's a very embodied feeling, which means like feeling it in your body, like thinking it in a way in your head. And those are two different things that I didn't totally realize or understand until it took time to be able to feel that.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

Oh, I love that you're bringing this into the light. And so for those of you who are listening, I do my best to give you a short experience of this in most of our episodes. But in the work I do with private clients and with groups that I lead, at the beginning we'll check in and the client at the beginning of the session will share for me what's present with them. And then we'll get into, let's say, like the science or the psychology or the spiritual nature of whatever the topic we're covering is. And then I'll lead them through an embodied experience. It might be breath work or meditation or some other somatic tools or spiritually connecting. And I agree with you that that is probably the one of the key things that distinguishes the work that we do from like what you would do in more traditional therapy. And so I'm curious if you can highlight any other differences because a lot of times people ask me what's the difference between coaching and therapy. And I would love to just hear it from your perspective.

SPEAKER_00 30:43

Yeah, you know, it's funny. I've thought a lot about this just for myself. And when I try to describe it to my friends too, you know, I think it probably depends on what someone needs. But the biggest difference for me has been there has just been I feel like there have so many tools now, and before in actual tools. I don't just mean like a framework, but like somatic experience tools, which is like different breath work exercises, different types of breath work. Doing things like different types of tapping on your chest can be super calming, like gentle, like rat like you stroke your arms, which is called havening, but like if someone doesn't know what they are, yeah. There's different actual physical tools and stuff that that to me is one huge piece that is different, along with like the cognitive behavioral therapy. I know we talked about earlier, is also a lot of therapists talk about that too. But there's very it has felt very action focused, I think, as we work together. And we have done a ton of healing. Like a lot of people I know say, you know, therapies for like past trauma and healing, and then coaching is more forward thinking. But I think what we've done is they can't like they go hand in hand because a lot of what I want to grow into or what I want to be or be able to do requires often some healing of some parts. Absolutely. That's just they go hand in hand. Yeah. That's the key of it. But like often to be able to figure out what I want to grow into, where I want to move, and what needs healed, I have to be able to sit still and figure that stuff out. And I think that's the difference of like this type of coaching, where it is there's meditation's a big component of it, and other practices is like you're learning to get an inner knowing, which is then allowed me to better understand what do I need to heal? Like, what are past things for us to work through or I need to work through, and then what tools do I need to use to move forward? Because tools are one thing, but if I can't figure out what's going on with going on with me, the tools do nothing because I'm just like which is where I need to be. And I think back to kind of where we started. So this has helped me kind of put it all together, too, is I think maybe that's a huge piece of it. Being able to be still and know what tools to apply, yeah, or practices or different things. That is like the life-changing part of it for me, is like a toolkit, a toolkit, but pre-toolkit, you have to know what you need to apply those tools to. And I can now sit and get better at being like, ah, this is how I'm feeling, or this is what I need, or this part needs this. I know what tools to pull, and I can recognize where my inner landscape is in a way that I definitely could not.

SPEAKER_01 33:48

Yes. And I think one of the things that you're referring to right now is really taking 100% responsibility for what you're thinking, how you're feeling, what your needs are, meeting your own needs and getting clarity on what you would love to create in your life and how you would love to feel, right? Before I go on, I want to say one thing. A big part of the work that Allie has been alluding to is like where this adult Allie, who is 100% responsible for herself, can now go back and apply love to the inner child parts of all of us that exist, that are parts that are trying to protect us, or parts that are scared, or parts that are have hurt feelings, or whatever. And now adult Allie can have some distance and apply love to whatever the inner child parts are bringing up because what we experience in the present moment when we're having big emotions is typically something that has been triggered that's related to our past. And so we can always look at do I not feel seen? Do I not feel heard? Do I not feel belonging? Do I not feel safe? Or do I not feel unconditional love? And then as an adult, we can either give that to ourselves, or we can lead ourselves to the support that we need because we're not meant to do life alone. Is there, and I'm curious, is there anything else that comes up for you with that?

SPEAKER_00 35:34

I think the only other piece is that like both the past, but also being able to really dream for the future. I think that is a big piece of the work we do and we've done. And that's not something that I was very great at before. Like oftentimes I think I've realized, at least for me, I had a belief of fear-based of like, you know, can't dream too big, or like, you know, something bad might happen, or like those kind of things. And it like created some fear that I wasn't willing to like create these big dreams. Um, like it's too good to be true feeling. And I think this has like, we've done a lot of work that's focused more on those big, like three, five years. What does a dream life feel like? What does that look like? And like learning that it's safe to dream like that, also, that is real, those things that you've already created some of those things in your life.

SPEAKER_01 36:35

Let me pause here for a minute and add a little context for listeners. Shortly after Allie and I began working together, she stepped into a new role at a nonprofit. And more recently, she made another bold decision that she chose to leave that role and take a sabbatical. Not because something was wrong, but because she wanted to honor herself, create spaciousness, and listen more deeply for what's next. So when you hear her talk about trusting herself and following her inner guidance and creating a life that feels more aligned, this is part of what she's referring to. Can you share? Because we sort of skipped over this. But so you you pretty quickly, when we first started working together, got a job at a nonprofit agency. And then can you talk about the path that you've taken yourself on since then? Because you've made some big, bold, courageous moves that are more aligned with what feels good to you and the life that you're wanting to create for yourself, you're actually creating right now. So I'm curious if you could talk a little bit about that.

SPEAKER_00 37:45

Yeah, I definitely feel like I am creating it. And I think so. I was at a nonprofit for the past year and a half, um, which was great. I really want to try working at a nonprofit. And then at the same time, my husband and I were living in the Denver area and had been there for like 10 years and had been saying for probably three to five years that we were ready to move. And so we've been traveling a bunch, visiting all these towns, and just I felt in myself that it was just time for change. And I think my husband felt the same. And so, in the past, probably a year ago now, we decided to move. And so we moved this past a few months ago uh to rural Vermont. And we had spent a lot of time knowing we wanted to be in a small town, we wanted to have life feel different for us, to be slower, to be surrounded by nature, to be in a really small community for our daughter. But we had never made that change. Like it felt we just kept feeling stuck, and I did too. Like it was too big and too scary to make that change. But I think what shifted is as I started to like think about how do I want to feel every day? I want to feel free. I want to feel open. I want to feel grounded, I want to have access to nature all around me. I want to be deeply connected in my community. As I was able to sit and like dream those in my mind, visualize it, it helped give me the clarity of like, okay, if I want that, we know where we're going. And that's to this small town in Vermont, um, where we wanted to be. And so we moved. And it felt wild and crazy, but it feels amazing to be here. Um, and so at the same time, things had shifted at my job, and it just, I kept being like, I need to make a shift, I need to make a shift. And a couple a month ago or so, I was very just clear of like, it's time. I'm done. I'm gonna take some time off. I don't know what's next. We're in this position that we are fine for me to not be working right now, and I decided to leave. And it felt big and scary, but has also felt so good knowing like I feel like this is in the right direction, and this is all I want this. Like, I've been thinking about this, I've been dreaming about this. I know that it gives me so much more possibility and creativity and all those things that I need for myself right now. And I need this break and rest so I can be a better me, feel my best self, I guess, to be the mom I want to be and a partner to my husband and all those things. That um, yeah, I've created a lot more trust in myself than I've had in recent years, and trust and also taking leaps without knowing how it's all gonna work out. Like, I think in the past I'd have to be sure it's all figured out, but I've created a better sense of trust, but also an okay with like trusting the universe, whatever you want to call it, trusting the universe, trusting life. That like I don't have to have it all figured out or figure it out very quickly that I can allow it to fall into place, even when I've made a really big change, and that feels really freeing.

SPEAKER_01 40:58

Yes. Right now, yes. I love that. I'm curious if there's anything specific that you want to say about any tools that we've used to expand beyond fear and have the courage to step into.

SPEAKER_00 41:17

I think one thing I've done a lot, there's a couple things I've done a lot of as I've made these big changes. One is I've done a lot of uh in a meditation, whether it's my morning, often my morning meditation, I did a ton of visualization and I guess I'd call it manifesting of what I wanted. I spent maybe six months to a year before we've made this change in my morning meditation. I finished every day imagining my future self and what I feel most strongly, how I want to feel. And like I started with that and got to the point where I can just call up that visualization. And it was like me here in Vermont, looking like my Vermont self, surrounded by trees, feeling free and connected. And that I'd call it a tool, like sitting with that every single morning and reminding myself like this is what I'm dreaming of. And also this exists. I can create those feelings within myself. I am already, I am there, I'm making this happen, has been a huge piece of it. Um, and then I think that also helped once I got here. I feel really good because I've already felt it, visualized it, done all the things, and then I've done a ton of the self-compassion breaks, which is like a pause, hand on chest, like naming whatever. Like I'll talk to myself and be like, hey, Allie, I know you're feeling really overwhelmed right now, or I know, hey, I there's a lot of fear right now. Like, and really just pause, even if it takes a minute, 30 seconds, and being like, that's okay. It's okay to be here, normalize it. Like, it's totally normal to be feeling this overwhelmed. You've just moved across the country, or like most moms are feeling like normal to feel fear, normal to be afraid. This was a big change, breathe into it, and then tell myself over and over again, like, I've got you. Like, I'm here, I'm never leaving you. A big thing for me is like not always feeling supported and comforted. And so, like, being like, I've got you. Adult Allie's here, like you call it counseling.

SPEAKER_01 43:26

Give that to yourself, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:28

Doing that for myself. And I think like this journey I've been on, choosing the move, particularly the move, has been such like a beautiful proof and reminder of these things that I've been working on, learning, understanding of I I did create this, like we created this, right? I wanted to feel this way, and it's been a really beautiful way to see like the fruits of the work I've done to like really kind of myself to work through the fear because there's been huge fear to get here. Yeah. But to work through it and expand beyond it and be able to expand and be like it can, I can trust all this is good. I can allow it to be this good. To me, that feels like expanding my capacity.

SPEAKER_01 44:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:18

Expand in that way beyond what I already knew.

SPEAKER_01 44:22

Yes. And the the two primary ways that we work with fear is we are afraid of change and we're afraid of uncertainty. And the reason for that is because our brain's job and our nervous system's job is just to keep us safe and protect us. It's not here to help us thrive. It's here to help us stay alive. So it really will keep us in survival mood if we don't learn to expand beyond the fear. And so we have all these fears inside of what might happen when we take a leap or make a change or decide differently than we have in the past. And as we turn towards our fear, the acronym I love is face everything and rise. We can really face everything and embrace it with our own love. And then that's how we transcend or expand or rise above it. And I also love that you shared that you were visualizing because when we visualize we're literally giving our nervous system and our brain a dress rehearsal of the life that we're creating for ourselves. And so the the type of relationship you're going to have in your marriage and as a mom and how you make your career decisions and where you're going to live and all of that. You are visualizing so that your body becomes familiar with what that would feel like and that makes it a lot easier to step into because you're like oh I've I've I've I move to Vermont every day for a year in my mind before I'm actually here. And so when I'm here, this is what I expected it to be like or this is what I knew it could be like. And I give myself permission for it to feel this good, right? And that's how you expand the capacity of your nervous system and then it's equally as important and I love that you said this is that the other way we work with fear is that most of us when we're expanding into something new have a tendency to let our our fear that it's not going to last or that the other shoe's going to drop or the bubbles are going to burst or this is too good to be true bring us into a state of contraction because our nervous system isn't used to the expansion. So I'm curious just in terms of like your overall life I want to touch on how the work that we've done together impacts your day-to-day life with your husband, with your daughter and your household with your extended family and I'm I'm curious what feels easier in your life now or what are you most proud of in terms of how you show up?

SPEAKER_00 47:05

Yeah I think I feel like mostly that my capacity to I would call it like whether whatever is happening in life has expanded a lot. And so there has been a lot of challenges with our move and with change and just with life that comes up anyways in general but I think I feel a lot more grounded through those and that because I'm able to stay more grounded I'm able to do the things that I know will help me move through it to keep me calmer. I know how to calm myself down and by calming myself down then I can then have more clarity to figure out how to problem solve if it needs solved how to just be there for my daughter how to be a better listener with my husband and have more compassion for where he's coming from I think it's allowed me to stay in a much more just open to like what and see what's happening in the world with myself with my family in different ways and be open to different possibilities than to be able to just be very hyper focused on what I feel, what I think, what I need to fix. It has allowed me to just yeah um be much more open to other possibilities in that way. And then I think that's allowed like my husband and I's relationship to grow in new meaningful ways of being like way more I'd call it emotionally intimate and to see our relationship grow for me to be better able to ask for what I need or what I'm missing which I wouldn't have done in the past I would just be like in tears upset about something but not able to actually like verbalize I'm needing this or like this is what I need in our relationship. And like I've been able to do that and then also be able to have that comfort conversation from like a fairly calm perspective which is the game changer I think for us. And then with my daughter I think just like me being less fear-based like oh my God what if she doesn't you know all the things nap well what if she's not eating this what if she's not blah blah blah like kids pick up all that fear and I think without having that like it honestly just makes it be way more fun hanging out with a three year old when there's not constant worry or like tightness about what if this happens and these things that like it feels lighter in our day to day more playful in our day to day and that is really lovely I think to have and for us to feel just in our home that there's opportunity for like the spontaneity that comes up a lot more. And I see it in myself too of like I feel like I'm moving from a safer place where like I will say yes to more random spontaneous trips like oh yeah let's go do that thing. Like we'll just figure it out or like let's go take this huge trip where in the past I think making those decisions and saying yes to that stuff would have required I'd be all stressed out probably crying about something unsure if we should do it but like I've seen how I'm being in a way that is how I want to be and that is just more probably confident and trusting and open to new things and allowing things to be without having to figure it all out first which creates a lot of stress between me and my husband and our house and just kind of generally and I think that's probably the biggest shift.

SPEAKER_01 50:48

Yeah I've loved witnessing you experience that it's beautiful. I feel like you have liberated yourself from inside out in I feel that way.

SPEAKER_00 51:02

I've like given myself yes I feel in a new way free and I think it's hard too because I don't think like I didn't even realize always it's possible but I do feel so much more free in how I'm being and living and that's hard to describe because if you haven't felt that way you don't like exactly know what it is.

SPEAKER_01 51:23

Exactly that's why I'm so thankful that you are willing to have this conversation with me today because it is hard to describe and it is possible for everyone. The way you and I have found that freedom and that peace and that connection within ourselves is possible for everyone. And I'm curious if someone was listening right now and they feel like they're where you were where they're high functioning but maybe unfulfilled or internally exhausted what would you want them to know or what's possible that they might not believe I think I'd want them to know that gosh so many things I think that like one that they should trust that inner like that little voice or that feeling that's telling them like this doesn't feel quite right.

SPEAKER_00 52:22

Like yes on the outside I have all these whatever fancy job put together house nice house blah blah blah all the things that something doesn't feel whether it's internal exhaustion internal hypervigilance and tightness all the time and like you have to be on and perform or like the pressure you're putting on yourself just doesn't feel sustainable or even if it's a symbol of like it's just it doesn't feel like how I think it should feel like I just think I could feel better. I think life could be bigger and bolder and lighter and more free. Like I think I would want them to know that like they that is don't ignore that like that is that being you deserve whatever you want it to be and knowing that like this doesn't feel quite right doesn't mean something's wrong with you or your life or there's nothing to like stop everything and fix because I think that's what we get to is like well then there must be something wrong with me. That's not it but it's instead that there is a way to lighten your load mentally emotionally to give yourself this freedom by like intensely loving yourself intensely forgiving yourself and changing some of these thought patterns that have been put on all of us from forever basically and there's stuff that you can do but I do think it takes really trusting yourself from the beginning that you're like no I'm going to ask for what I want and I'm going to figure out how to make this happen for myself and that's not selfish. And I think especially as a mom oftentimes it feels selfish but I think you know it's trusting that it's not and that kind of change is what you that you deserve and all of us really deserves.

SPEAKER_01 54:12

And trusting that you're always at the right place at the right time and everything that's coming up is for the purpose of your learning and growth and expansion and adopting the belief that what's good for me is good for everyone. And I'm curious if maybe we can start to wrap things up by you sharing your experience of has what's been good for you in the work that we've done together been good for everyone else whose lives you've touched.

SPEAKER_00 54:46

Yeah I think that belief of what's good for me is good for everyone has been a huge shift in that I see it. Like what's good for me is that I take I like have a list of things that I had to create as habits. Like I do something for myself every week I go out with friends every week I do something with my husband every week and I try to do something for others every week. It's like such a lovely reminder each time that it's the truth. And then sometimes it's saying no too like setting boundaries with parents grandparents like my child's grandparents to my parents like those also are to me I've had to learn is like that's what's also best for me sometimes is saying no you're please don't come visit us right now it's not a good time or no we're not going to do this or like not always no's but setting other types of boundaries that also is doing what's best for me. And by doing that I again am able to be often more loving, more kind more compassionate in all the things I want to be with others and with myself.

SPEAKER_01 55:52

Yes I love that and you've done such a good job being intentional with your decisions as they relate to work and parenting and health and your really incredible relationship with your husband and it's been beautiful to see you become even more of yourself and step into self-leadership and leadership for your family in that way. And I'm before we close I would just love to ask you like is there anything about your growth that you haven't said yet that feels important?

SPEAKER_00 56:28

I think that what you just said is a huge part of it. Like this idea that I am actually the creator of it that was a totally almost out there feeling and belief for me I think when we first started working together um and I very much I think unknowingly felt my life felt passive. Like I did not feel like I had a huge amount of control, autonomy, not necessarily agency voice.

SPEAKER_01 56:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 56:58

Yeah that's the word agency in it and I do use it creates a feeling of power powerfulness confidence in myself and just like a lot more freedom in how I want to live my life that it didn't I had.

SPEAKER_01 57:14

Yes well thank you so much for being part of freeing other people through the conversation that you so courageously shared with me today because it is that spaciousness and that awareness that give us the freedom that you're talking about. So when we're not aware of our thoughts then we're not empowered to do anything to change our life when we're not in touch with how we're feeling then we're just gonna move from one feeling to the next right but as you have increased your awareness then you've also given yourself the gift of being empowered with more agency and more choice. What's coming to mind is that quote by Victor Frankel that between stimulus and response there's a space and in that space is our power to choose our response and in our response lies our growth and freedom and that's really what this path is all about that as you become more aware you become more empowered to make different choices than you have in the past which leads to new outcomes. So you've done such a beautiful job and I honor you for the path that you're on and I'll just open it up if there's anything else you want to say before we end this episode.

SPEAKER_00 58:38

No, this has been lovely. Thank you for having me it's um it's hard to talk about this stuff I think it sometimes the language sometimes feels like I know what it feels like in my body and I guess I'd encourage anyone who's listening to even if this sounds like a little out there and that's how I felt when I started this path and being like I don't totally know what this is or what this is going to be but I'm interested and it sounds like something in me is saying a yes then it's a definite yes because I do think part of it is a little bit just getting started because it's I I do think it's hard sometimes to explain the shifts because it's so much of just like my own perception of what's shifted in my life and I know others can see it in my life too and my family feels it but I would like to say that even if it doesn't totally make sense to someone yet because it feels like so a little out there maybe or different but if it's of interest then it's absolutely worth taking a step to start to like learn more about yourself and to learn more about these practices.

SPEAKER_01 59:46

And thank you so much for your openness to doing that and giving yourself that gift Allie and if anything about Allie's story resonated what's possible for her is also possible for you. And it's not at all about fixing yourself you were never broken. It's not about changing who you are you were born whole and innocent and complete and it's really about helping you come home to yourself. Thank you so much for being here with us today. And if you recognized yourself anywhere in Allie's story I want you to remember that you're not behind you're not broken you're certainly not alone and sometimes what feels like anxiety exhaustion or uncertainty is actually an invitation to come home to yourself more deeply. So wherever you are today take a breath and trust the next step and know that the life you're longing for may be closer than you think. I'm really glad you're here. And before we close today's episode I wanted to share a beautiful update from Allie's story. Since recording this conversation her husband was unexpectedly offered a position as an attorney in the small town that they felt so deeply called to move to and together they've decided to build it into a family business and a new chapter for their family. And so I wanted to share that not because life suddenly becomes perfect when we follow our inner knowing but because so often the mind wants certainty before we take the leap. And yet some of the most meaningful possibilities in life only reveal themselves after we choose courage, trust and alignment first. And what I've witnessed again and again both in my life and in the lives of my clients is that when we stop abandoning ourselves and honor the quiet longing in our hearts, life often meets us with possibilities far beyond what we could have planned or imagined. And so my hope is that Allie's story and this positive outcome reminds you that maybe you can trust yourself a little more too. Thanks again for being here today.