Do you have Imposter Syndrome?

A breakdown of what imposter syndrome is. Do we suffer from it? Do you? One day at a time! 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hey, JK is back. Hey guys. And we're coming with some seriousness today. Yeah, I feel like the vibe today is gonna be a little more um adultish. Adult adult adult related. Yes. Um we were uh we're always talking about the struggle of of work and life and all you know the the yin and yang back and forth, the struggles of that, and um we've come to the conclusion that at times we both struggle and deal with uh imposter syndrome. Yes, it's a real one. And it's definitely it's a real uh it's a real syndrome out there.

SPEAKER_00 0:41

Yeah, because what you're gonna read them when when we like look at it, I was like, damn, I do have that. Keep going though.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

So it's a it's a psychological pattern where an individual persistently doubts their abilities and accomplishments, feeling like fraud, despite objective evidence of their success. And so this is not a mental health diagnosis, but it's a common experience among high achieving individuals. So let's just dial in. High achieving is definitely us. It's an issue, and I think you get into overdrive, and I have felt like this a lot of times. Like sometimes I'm like, what am I doing? Why am I? Why do I think I can and I've questioned what I know, and I know the facts and the information, but I constantly doubt doubt myself, and I and I don't know why, because I don't think it's not like I'm insecure. I am, I don't think this means that I am in that aspect of getting stuff done. Well, this says people with imposter syndrome often attribute their success to luck or external factors rather than their own skills and talents, but like they mean like val because like validation from external factors you're saying, right? And this can lead to anxiety, stress, and burnout. Hello?

SPEAKER_00 1:50

I feel like a sham all the time sometimes. That's my middle name. You but like, why is it that you feel like, like you said, like you doubt, like in the middle of it, you're like, wait, why am I doing this? Should I be the one doing this? Do I know what I'm doing? Yeah, what you get that I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 2:06

Well, look, this these are listen to this, these are the potential causes based off this cursor researcher. Family dynamics growing up in families that emphasize achievement and provided mixed messages of praise and criticism can contribute to the syndrome. I didn't have that. Yeah, did you?

SPEAKER_00 2:21

I feel like I need an example.

SPEAKER_01 2:22

I need I needed the praise or I needed it. Personality traits, traits like perfectionism, anxiety, anxiety, and low self-esteem are often associated with that. I mean, yeah, I would say the perfectionism, anxiety, like certain ways, like it has to be like done, or I gotta get yeah, I have that. Um, cultural expectations, societal and cultural pressures regarding success and competence can play a significant role. I could see that. I could go down a rapid. Yeah, you could. I was thinking of like your work environment, and even for me, like I'm a lot of times what like there's less females in my role and in my like inner circle of co-workers, like direct work.

SPEAKER_00 3:01

Can we talk about because I feel like here's here's where there's two sides of this like in your aspect, the pressure put on women when you have, and there's no like understanding of you have children, I have this going on, dinner, school, pickup. And then on the flip side of that, sometimes I feel like it looked at well, let her take this on, she'll get it done. She doesn't have kids, yeah. And it's like a two-way, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 3:27

Yep, yeah, it's it's not in the end, like we're all struggling and suffering in your own way. Yep. Keep going with the last stuff. Then the last potential cause is feeling like an outlier. Individuals who feel different from their peers due to gender, race, or background may be more susceptible. So those are like potential causes. I mean, then the compton symptom, common symptoms are like self-self-doubt, persistent questioning of one's skills, talents, or accomplishments. Check, fear of being exposed, a chronic worry that others will find out if you're a fraud. Oh my gosh, keep going. Discounting success, attributing achievements to luck, timing, or external help rather than per personal abilities. Yes. Perfectionism, setting excessively high, often unattainable goals. Since are you sweating? I feel the goal of laugh. Or failure when they are not met. Overworking. This is my problem. A tendency to over-prepare work excessively to avoid mistakes and potential exposure. I still make mistakes because I overthink it so bad. Yeah, because you put so much time into it, you overthink it to death that you missed. That happened to me. Stupid happened to me last week. I was like trying to figure out everything to order and I missed the window to even buy the thing I was gonna buy. They told me the truck left. I said, Oh my god, I did it again.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

I was thinking the sheet, I overthought it. Like I analyzed the shit out of was I allowed a curve.

SPEAKER_01 4:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:52

Oh yeah, it's our podcast. I analyzed the shit out of this sheet thing all to make the silliest mistakes. Like, if I would have just chilled, I probably would have done it right now.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Yeah, if you would have just done what you know and said whether they would like overthink everything. Um, difficulty accepting praise. He'll say, Yeah, that's your problem. Hesitation or discomfort when receiving compliments or recognition for the work.

SPEAKER_00 5:16

I make a joke out of it.

SPEAKER_01 5:17

Yep. Every time. So we clearly have like we struck a nerve here. We didn't realize we both have, but we knew, but we never actually labeled it.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

Like we're starting off on the highest level of the syndrome.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

We lay we labeled it. So now our goal is to improve it together. And then, like we said before, we need to eat more fruit and we need to work on our imposter stuff.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

Well, we gotta look up maybe what are the steps.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

How do we work with this coping strategies?

SPEAKER_00 5:42

Here we go. Keep it going.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Acknowledge your feelings.

unknown 5:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

Recognize that feelings of inadequacy and are common and not necessarily facts is the first step. Step one. Talk about it, share feelings with a trusted mentor, friend, or therapist. Well, step two. We're sharing with each other and we're sharing it with the airwaves, whoever's listening. So thank you for listening to our problem. Track successes, keep a record of accomplishment and positive feedback that can provide objective evidence against self-doubt.

unknown 6:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 6:11

It's a good idea. I remember I did this once, and you were supposed to write like on post-its when something good happens and you like and leave yourself the reminder like at your desk so like you can go back to it and see that.

SPEAKER_00 6:22

One year they gave us, and I thought it was so cute, it was like a they called it a positivity jar. And like you write it down and put it in there. But I I have so much work to do because when I get a compliment, and I'm gonna rip this one. A lot of times I'm like, oh, they're saying it because they feel bad. They think they gotta give me that compliment because they think I'm upset about that. Like, we got work to do. We gotta make a jar. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:44

What's the next one? Uh challenge negative thoughts, actively work to reframe negative self-talk into more balanced and positive affirmations. I have to get stuff to day. I see. See, but this ties into like the work we're doing with Mary and yoga. This is it starts with this too. What step is that? Well, is that step four? Well, this isn't what is the A the AA? Like, this isn't like what is this like imposter syndrome?

SPEAKER_00 7:05

I'm taking it because let me tell you, that's a step it is step four.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

Challenge negative thoughts.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

I have to challenge every thought throughout my day now. Do you know how exhausted?

SPEAKER_01 7:13

That's gonna be no kidding.

SPEAKER_00 7:17

Kind of serious. Keep going.

SPEAKER_01 7:18

Last one is seek professional help. Cognitive behavior therapy, CBT, is an effective treatment for addressing underlying beliefs in managing associated anxiety or depression. Wait, is that the hypnosis one? I don't think so. I think it's uh just a form of therapy.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

I don't I feel like your tone there was a little judgy because there was a hypnosis one I've done before and it was awesome.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

But so yeah, this is uh this isn't good. I think a lot of people have felt this at at certain times in their careers. Um why we're both feeling it now too extreme. Some some days or weeks are better than they're worse than others. Like there's sometimes I don't really think about it, but then there's just There's some days where I'm like, ugh, I think about it a lot. Why am I the one here? What am I doing? Who am I to to And then I think about things like I don't think I know well or like yeah, so yeah, like I I like like for example last week I'm having to email somebody.

SPEAKER_00 8:17

I was mortified to email this person because I was like, I don't talk to her. This person's too official. What how am I supposed to email this person? Do I sign it? They don't know who I am. Took me an ungodly amount of time to send this email all because I was nervous because it was like a higher up is like you know, and it's like, why?

SPEAKER_01 8:37

Yeah, we're gonna work on this.

SPEAKER_00 8:38

What's the worst that happens?

SPEAKER_01 8:39

Maybe we need to get like acupuncture, and each time it like pings us, it's like we get rid of the self-down.

SPEAKER_00 8:44

So now we're gonna be paying for somebody to jab us with a need. We're paying for somebody to tell us to sh sit down and close our eyes. Next, I gotta pay for somebody to jab me with a needle. And then what's the third step? I gotta what? Well, therapy? No, no, there's no no one else to see, but maybe I mean we're really doing stuff here, but I have heard this about acupuncture.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

We're it's we're admitting we have an issue, and now we're trying to figure out how to work on it.

SPEAKER_00 9:08

We admit so many issues. Lisa you know we're not in denial. Did I already say that? We're not in denial. I'm not living in denial. We are fully aware of our issues, but imposter syndrome basically stems from a deeper issue.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

Uh, I mean, yeah, the root cause is it's perfection per perfectionism.

SPEAKER_00 9:32

But I don't think I'm a perfectionist. Jordan, my car is you are.

SPEAKER_01 9:35

Yeah, but you are with like what you the work you put out. Oh you're a perfectionist. Think of all the extra time you put in everything you said, like that's being a perfectionist, like an overachiever. Like it doesn't matter, like, yeah, I'm the same way. I'm like not. Right? You always think it has to be-I mean, my handwriting's terrible. Like, that's not a perfectionist. Like, there's certain things I don't do, you know, maybe I'm a little disorganized in the way I I handle everything, but at the end of the day, like the work we do, we're so it doesn't have to be like you're not a perfectionist, it doesn't have to be like perfect.

SPEAKER_00 10:03

Yeah, okay. Yes, then agreed. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

So we're gonna work on this.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

We're gonna work on it.

SPEAKER_01 10:08

Here's the four P's. What's that? Here's another step. Four P's of per imposter syndrome perfectionism, procrastination. Oh my gosh, I do that. Project polar paralysis how'd I say that? Paralysis. Guess I gotta go back to thinking.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

Write it down, I'll put it in syllables.

SPEAKER_01 10:26

Wait, paralysis. Isn't that the same as percination? Like I think it's like, yeah, like you're frozen. And then people pleasing. Oh my made that a capital P for me. So we're gonna work on the four Ps.

SPEAKER_00 10:38

Can I look up really quick the definition of people pleasing?

SPEAKER_01 10:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:43

And then and then we're gonna, you know.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

Around 25 to 30% of high achievers suffer from imposter syndrome. That's us. How much what's a percentage? Let's see. Uh 25 to 30% of high achievers. So I guess we made the cut.

SPEAKER_00 11:01

Well, lucky us. People pleasing is an emotional need to prioritize others' happiness, approval, and needs over one's own, often at the expense of personal well-being. It is driven by a fear of conflict, rejection, or need to be liked rather than genuine kindness. Common sides include difficulty saying no, over apologizing. My every other word is sorry when I'm at work.

SPEAKER_01 11:26

You know, actually, really quick. This is a side book side note to the sorry. When I went to get the call-Che just said sorry. I know. No, no, no. Let's do this. When I went to pick up the drinks, like I said excuse me, and people like say they apologize just like because they know that. But but I'm like, I was just you didn't have to be sorry. I was just saying excuse me because I was grabbing a straw or excuse me because I'm walking by. Like, I was trying to be polite by saying excuse me. I wasn't saying it to be like get the heart. You're my way, right? And two people apologize. I'm like, why are we saying sorry? Like, and someone I say, Oh hey, good morning, or you know, no, it's true. I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 11:56

It's just Jordan. I apologize if I'm going in, like if it's a two-sided door and I'm going in my way, but I open the door and somebody's coming out the wrong. I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. And I move and I hold the door open. But it's like, why do we apologize? Just think, hey, and hold the door. To be people pleaser.

SPEAKER_01 12:15

That's a people pleaser. Here's some more different types of imposter syndrome. The perfect perfectionist always looking for things to go perfectly, sight, slight errors, okay. Make you feel have feelings of shame and guilt. The superhero, I think this is probably what I try to do. Go ahead. Success is based on how many different roles they can play. Parent, partner, boss, da da da. If they can't play them all perfectly, they feel like a fraud. That's every single day. The expert seeks to know everything in the face of the slightest lack of knowledge about something they feel like a failure. The natural genius to meet high goals quickly and effortlessly. When things feel difficult, they feel ashamed. No, it's definitely not me. The soloist uh needs to do things alone without help from anyone, interprets needing help as a sign of weakness. Sometimes I'm like that. Or more of like a I'd rather do it, like rather than try to like help teach someone to do it. It's been hard to like try to show someone, show someone to do something, like let them do it.

SPEAKER_00 13:09

That's but the in those moments is when I feel the most like imp like imposter. Like when I'm trying to teach somebody how to do something, I'm like, why am I teaching you this? Am I the one to be teaching this?

SPEAKER_01 13:24

Man, we need to go to like a build-up session. Listen, we have to have a calendar just for our our sessions for like our brains and and we we share this in in solitude and hoping that there's someone else that may feel like this, and you, you know, we're not the only maybe you're ashamed to admit it.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

We're here to break that shame. And uh I'm getting a little too comfortable um, I think announcing my issues though. I don't even feel it anymore when I say it. And I'm walking away like, damn, did they need to know that?

SPEAKER_01 13:59

Well, we're we're working on it. That's all I can say. So we're gonna do our best to minimize the self-doubts. We're both overly qualified for everything. We are not imposters.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

We're not an imposter.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

It's just the syndrome we're convincing ourselves, we're not imposters. So, and you're not an imposter. Yeah, you either. Join us on this journey. So, uh, day one of uh the self help work. Working on the four P's.

SPEAKER_00 14:25

So catch you later, guys.