Episode 53 After the Fireworks

Today I want to talk about something that a lot of people don’t always think about: how to recover after the 4th of July.

Artist is Samuel Woods.

https://open.spotify.com/track/1wjRhBVnWjaExAm4p4hei5?si=956b287b30eb41a1

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 1:03

Hello, everyone, and welcome to Healing Connection. Today, our episode is going to be after the fireworks. How to recover after the Fourth of July. I am Joey McBride. I will be your host, and I want to say thank you for joining me. Today I do want to talk about something that a lot of people don't always think about. How to recover after the Fourth of July. For many folks, the Fourth of July is cookouts, flags, family, fireworks, laughter, celebration. And trust me, there's nothing wrong with all that, but for many veterans or first responders, caregivers, spouses, and people within the family, the fourth can also bring anxiety, panic, irritability, flashback, poor sleep, shutting down, anger, guilt, and emotional exhaustion. Sometimes the hardest part isn't even the fireworks themselves. Sometimes the hardest part is the next day. The house is quiet, the noise is over, everything else goes back to normal. But your body still feels like it's on high alert. So today we're going to talk about how to come down after the noise, how to recover without shame, how caregivers and spouses can support without losing themselves, and how families can rest reset together. Now, if you ever want to and you want to talk about your episodes or have comments or questions or whatever, you can always email me at cooljoe77 at heroobjective.org. Also, in this day after the fireworks, if you're still feeling unsettled and you've you've only made it this far to the podcast, that's okay. I'm going to let you know you can call or text 988. I don't want you to suffer or hold on to anything any any longer than what you need to. This is a free, and it's confidential beyond any doubt, and they're open 24-7. So you can either talk to them or you can talk to me, but please talk to someone. Today's message is simple. You made it through. Now let's help your body know that it's over. Why the Fourth of July can hit hard? Let's start naming the truth. Fourth of July can be complicated. For some people, it's a beautiful holiday. For some, it's patriotic and meaningful. For some, it brings up pride, memories, service, sacrifice, and the love for country. For others, it also brings stress. Fireworks are loud. They are sudden. They're unpredictable. They happen at night. They come from different directions, and they can all sound like explosions, gunfire, incoming rounds, or even an emergency scene. The body doesn't always stop to ask is this a celebration or a threat? The body just reacts. Reaction might look like jumping at every boom, pacing around the house, checking all the windows and doors, getting angry faster than normal, wanting everyone to be quiet, feeling trapped, needing to leave a party suddenly, not being able to sleep. Wake up tense, feeling embarrassed the next day, snapping at someone and then feeling guilty afterwards. If that sounds familiar, I want you to hear me. You are not weak by any means. You are not broken. You are not being dramatic. Your body remembers certain things that happen sometimes. And today we're going to try and help your body return to now. The day after. You might even feel tired, but very wired, irritable, foggy, emotional, quiet, numb, sore from being so tense, ashamed of how you reacted, disconnected from your family, angry that the holiday affected you so much, and caregivers may feel their own version of the crash too. A spouse might think I watched them all night. I was listening for every shift in the mood. I tried to keep the kids calm. I didn't sleep either. I'm revo relieved that it's over, but I'm so exhausted. Kids can feel it too. They may not understand PTSD trauma, TBI, or the nervous system overload, but they feel the tension in the home. So this episode is not just for the person who was triggered, it's for the whole family, the whole house. Because after a hard holiday, the goal isn't to pretend that nothing happened. The goal is to reset with honesty, care, and hope. Step one reduce shame first. Before we talk tools, I need to talk about shame. Shame is that voice that says, Why can't I just handle it? Everybody else enjoyed the holiday. What about me? I ruined the night. My family would be better off without this. I should be stronger by now. I'm tired of feeling this way. That voice can be very loud the morning after. But shame doesn't help healing. Shame keeps the nervous system stuck. So here is a first recovery tool. Say this out loud if you can. My body reacted, that does not make me weak. Again, my body may have reacted, but that does not make me weak. Now I add this little bit to it. I can repair, I can recover, I can return. That sentence matters. Because maybe last night was messy, maybe you snapped, maybe you shut down, maybe you left the party early. Maybe you just isolated. Maybe you couldn't explain what was happening to you. That does not mean the whole story is ruined. Recovery is still available. Repair is still possible. You are still here. Step two. Help the body come down. Now let's help the body. After a night of fireworks, the body may still be carrying adrenaline. Even when the noise has stopped, the nervous system may not shut down immediately and believe that it's safe. So we start simple. If you can. Put both feet on the floor unless you're driving, then don't do that. Take a slow breath in through your nose. Now exhale longer than what you inhale. Again, slow breath in. Now unclench your jaw. Drop your shoulders to what you can. Relax your hands. Let your stomach soften if you can. I want you to say this. The noise is over. I am here now. Again. The noise is over. I am here now. This is not magic. This is training. You're teaching your body that the danger signal has. Now look around the room and name three things you see. Maybe it's a chair, a window, a coffee cup. Now name two things you hear. Maybe a fan. Maybe traffic. Maybe birds. Now name one thing you can feel. Maybe your feet on the floor. My back against the chair. My hands are resting and unclinched. That is grounding. That is coming back. That is also recovery. Now step three. Take care of the basics. After a high stress night, the basics matter more than we think. Don't start the day off by judging yourself. Start by checking the body. Ask yourself, did I drink water? Have I eaten something? Did I sleep at all? Do I need a shower? Do I need to be quiet? Do I need to move my body gently? Sometimes we try to solve emotional pain with deep thinking when the body is begging for water, food, sleep, and to be calm. So here's the day after recovery checklist. Number one, water. Drink some water before more caffeine. Food. Eat something steady. It doesn't have to be perfect. Movement. Take a short walk. Stretch your shoulders. Step outside. Go out back. Sit on the porch. Quiet. Lower the noise in the house if you can. Get a little sunlight if possible. Rest. If you slept very poorly, give yourself permission to move slower. Maybe even take a little nap. This is not laziness, this is recovery. A body that has been on alert needs lots of care, not criticism. Step four. Talk about it without turning it into a fight. Now let's talk about communication. The day after the fourth, emotions can still be wrong. This is not a time to blame. This is not the time for you always do this, or why can't I just be normal? It is also not the time to pretend it was fine when it really wasn't. The goal is a simple check-in. Here are some words you could use. If you are the veteran or first responder, you might say last night was harder on me than I wanted it to be. I'm sorry if I was short or distant. I'm working on recovering today. Or I got overwhelmed. I wasn't trying to push you away. I just didn't know how to calm down. Or thank you for being patient with me. I know last night affected you too. Because it does. Just because it's affecting you right there and then, it slowly starts to affect everybody else in the house. So if you have to say sorry, it's okay. It does not make you weak. It gives the people that know you something to hold on to because they know you're trying to get better. They know these things are still hard for you. But they're trying, and so are you. If you are the spouse or caregiver, you might say, I know last night was hard. I'm not mad at you that you struggle. I do want us to talk about it. What would help next time? Or I love you. I also felt exhausted from being on alert. I need some rest today, too. Or I'm on your team, but I need us to have a plan so we both feel safer next time. That is the key. Not blame, not shame, a plan. Always have a plan. You can have more than one. You don't have to have just one. Have multiple. Because life changes and so can your plans. Just because it doesn't fit that way doesn't mean you have to stay stuck with that one. Come up with others. Step five. Repair with the family. If kids were in the home, this part matters. Kids may have heard yelling, they may have felt tension, they may have seen someone leave the room suddenly. They may not understand why fireworks changed the mood in the house. Kids need simple reassurance, not a lecture. No adult details. Something like this. Last night had some big feelings. Fireworks can be hard for some people. You did nothing wrong. You are safe. We do love that sentence is very powerful. So because that, I'm going to say it again. You did nothing wrong. You are safe. We love you. If you snap at a child, repair mattered. You might say, I'm sorry I raised my voice. That was not your fault. I was overwhelmed and I'm working on handling it better. That kind of repair teaches kids something important. That people can have hard moments and still take responsibility. Families can struggle and still come back together. Big feelings do not have to break connection. And for the caregivers or spouses who held everything together last night, you also deserve repair and appreciation. A simple thank you can go a long way. Just like a sorry can go a long way. Step six. Learn from it without feeding yourself. Once the body is calmer, we can look at gently backing into it. I like to call this after holiday review. Not judgment, judgment, just information. Ask yourself these questions. What was the hardest part? Was it the sound? The surprise? The crowd? The kids being loud? The lack of sleep? The feeling of no control? What did my body do first? Jaw clench? Chest tighten? Handshake? Pacing? Anger? That's a big one. Number three. Whatever helped, what helped even a little? Going inside? Headphones, which I recommend. They have some very good noise canceling headphones. Put those on. Play your hit your playlist, have it go through your headphones and turn it up. Not so loud that it hurts your ears, but turn it up where you can't hear the fireworks, but you hear the music. Cold water, sitting with someone, stepping outside, breathing, leaving early. Number four, what can we do differently next time? Set a time limit, have headphones ready and plugged up and charged up, use a safe room, create a signal word. That's a good one. Plan a decompression time. That's another good one. Let the neighbors know. I don't know about that one. This is how we reduce shame. We turn the experience into information. We say, I am not a failure. I am learning my system. Something to carry. A fireworks recovery card. Now I want to give you something you can carry with you. You can put it in your phone, you can write it on an index card, tape it to the inside of your cabinet, tape it, get a sticky note and place it on your computer or where you sit, put it on your cup. Ah, that's a good one. That way it's always right there. Share it with your spouse. That is another good one. Use it next time next year before the fort. Or anytime loud noises or stressful events happen to hit. It's called the firework recovery card. Find your feet. Put both feet on the floor, press down. Feel the ground. I inhale slowly. Exhale, longer. Breathe in gently, breathe out longer. Do it twice. R. Remind yourself where you are. Say I am here, it is today, and the noise is not a danger right now. E exit if you need it. Step outside, go to a quiet room, sit in the car, or take a safe break. Water and body care. Drink water, splash cool water on your face. I would say venture to say run your wrist under cold water. That will get you your attention and will also help you cool down if you're getting overheated just from being spun up. But you can run cold water on under on the bottoms of your wrist. Eat something if you need to orient to the room. Name three things you see, two things you hear, one thing you can feel. Repair with your people. Something to say is that was hard. I am sorry if I was distant or sharp, but I am working on coming back. Okay, keep it simple. Don't solve everything while you're activated. One next step is enough. Take your time. Support. Call or take somebody in nine eighty eight. Veterans Press one. Everybody else stay on the line. There's somebody there that you can talk to immediately. Especially if you are having an extra hard crisis. That card is not just for the Fourth of July. It can be used after fireworks, storms, sirens, anniversaries, a bad call, difficult family gatherings, or any event that leaves your body stuck in high alert. For caregivers and spouses, you need to recover too. I want to speak directly to the caregivers and spouses now. If you spent the fourth watching somebody struggle, you may also be tired. You may have been tracking their mood, calming kids, reducing noise, making excuses to family, watching the clock, sleeping very lightly, staying strong while your nerves were shot. You are allowed to recover too. You can start by saying I need quiet today. I need help with the kids today. I need a break. I need us to have a better plan next time. I love you, and I'm tired too. So as you are trying to slow yourself down, your spouses and caregivers need the same thing. So see if you can work hand in hand. Well, one of you take a nap, the other one start to calm down and relax. Just go over things inside your head. Take a short 30, maybe an hour nap. Set alarm, get up, let the other one take a nap for about 30 minutes to an hour so they can reset. Caregiver recovery matters. You're not selfish by any means for wanting to rest. You're not wrong for wanting peace. You're not failing because you need support. The whole family heals better when the kit when the caregiver is cared for as well. Okay. Sorry, that was a lot, I needed a quick drink. So as we get ready to close today, I want you to remember this. The Fourth of July may have been hard. You may maybe you did not handle it every moment the way you wanted to. Maybe your body reacted strongly. Maybe you're tired today. Maybe your family needs a reset. But you know what? You are still here. And because you are still here, healing is so much very possible. It is attainable. Just believe. You can recover. You can repair. You can learn from your triggers. You can build a better plan. So each time when something like this happens throughout the year, you just build on what you were having a hard time. Last event. Build on each one. So as they come back around for the next year, you have a kind of have an idea of what to feel for. You can help your body come back to the present one by a breath at a time. A hard night does not erase your progress. Sometimes progress looks like drinking water, taking a breath, and trying again. It's okay. If you've maybe have forgotten some of these or you have more questions that you that I may have left you with, email me at cooljoe77 at heroobjective, and I will try my best to answer what I can. Whatever I am I don't have an answer for, I will find it for you and I will get back with you, and you will have that answer. And again, if you've made it this far in the podcast and you're starting to not really unwind or you get spun up again, call or text 988. I'm telling you, is an awesome lifeline for you. Do it for your own sanity, do it for your family, do it for your spouse, do it for your caregivers. But not only can you call, but your spouses can call, your caregivers can call on their own, your kids can even call and talk to somebody. It's not just for veterans and first responders, it's for everyone. So I want to say if it gets that point, call. Please. You're not alone after the fireworks. You're not weak because your body remembers. You are strong because you're learning how to something I also want you to walk away with and remember every time. I will always have your six. So until next time, be safe, be strong, keep moving, burn rubber, not your soul, and I will see you on the flip side.