Why You Have No Friends | Hear For Now Ep.15

Do you ever wonder why your relationships are constantly failing?

What does real love mean to you?

Maybe it means selfless service. Maybe a heartfelt connection with divinity. Maybe it’s thinking of the welfare of others more than your own.

In this episode we discuss the pitfalls of relationships based on exploiting others and being inauthentic.

What causes fake relationships and why can you not build meaningful relationships alongside your spiritual practice?

If you want to know the true meaning of loving-connection tune in to this episode of the ‘Hear For Now’ podcast.

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Cousin of mine, she from when she was young, she always worshipped David Beckham. She would be like completely obsessed with him. Oh my gosh. And then she met him at the airport one time. He just wasn't very tight. And like you know. And so my point is that we can worship, you know, celebrities, idols, all these things that we think are complete, but actually when we know ourselves truly, our soul, our spiritual nature, we can actually see what's complete and what's incomplete and not be taken away by the illusion of social media, of the social paradigm that wealth, money, feminine, beauty, these things will make me happy.

SPEAKER_00 1:06

Friends today. Yeah, I mean, you can't get you can't get anywhere in life without good friends, good good company, inspiration, um, people who are not afraid to tell you that you're wrong as well when you're doing something um that's not necessarily to your to your benefit. So, yeah, do any of you have any initial realizations or reflections on friendship um yeah, in your own lives or just in general, or anything that you want to share off the bat?

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Always wanted friends. That's one thing. And actually, Abnana, you told me a really nice story that you had about a friend that you had, and then you realize that you weren't friends. Maybe start with that story, and I think it might spark a conversation.

SPEAKER_02 1:58

I hope I don't upset anyone by saying this. Maybe I just won't say any names and then they won't know who it is the friend that's just thinking on. They'll definitely know because of the content of the studies, you avoid saying certain things. But well, in one sense, it's applied to different friendships that I've had throughout life. But in particular, one case of a friend that I had, I mean, him as a person, he's a great person, and he has so many good qualities. And I also see what they're doing nowadays, they're doing some great things. But ultimately, um, you know, I had this friend in high school, and every single day after school, I would go back and visit them, go back home to their place, and we would phone, you know, the dealer, and we would get some ganja, and uh we would hang out, you know, roll some splips and start smoking. And it gave my mother such a headache, she would always find different things in my bag and just caused so many problems in my life. But anyway, apart from that, it was a daily affair. We would meet up and we'd smoke together. And this person was my best friend, he was my best friend. In fact, during that period of my life, he was my only friend. I I had moved, so my close-knit friend group, we weren't around each other physically anymore, although we were still close, but we weren't together anymore physically. So I had this person that I was hanging out with every day, and that for whatever reason we clicked, you know, we liked the same jokes and like to watch the same kinds of movies and play video games together. So every day we would get together and smoke. And one day we were at his house, which is the chosen smoking spot usually because his parents were home. Now he's definitely gonna know who it is because it's more specific. But anyway, I think he probably shares the same experience. But one day we were there together and the dealer didn't pick up, he didn't pick up his phone. And anyone who is a smoker or a user of any drugs or intoxicants will understand the feeling when the dealer doesn't pick up, there's a little kind of nervousness that anxiety that slowly bubbles up in you, and maybe you try and phone a few different people, then they're also not picking up or they're not answering you because you haven't been in touch with them. And yeah, you just slowly, as your your your attempts are failing again and again, and and uh you start to lose hope in the fact that you're gonna get your fix that day and have the same good time that you've been having every day, uh, you start to feel this kind of you know distress what pervade your body. But it was interesting that the the most prominent form of distress I was experiencing more than the actual attachment to the drug or that experience or whatever was was oh my gosh, you know, me and this person, do we actually have anything to connect over apart from smoking? And that question arose in my mind as we were kind of it was starting to become more clear that we're not gonna get you know some weed that day. And then of course it didn't happen. We couldn't get anything. And we were sitting there in this balcony, and you know, I mean you know, whoever it was, one of us pulled their phone out and just started scrolling and stopped communicating with the other, and then all of a sudden I realized you know, is this person I mean, do we even have a friendship? You know, and I had nothing against that person as a person, nothing against them at all, but our relationship was totally on the basis of intoxicating together, getting intoxicated, and it was it's so crazy that I was completely covered that the whole time for months and months, maybe almost a year, I really was had a strong feeling. This is my best friend, this is my best friend, you know. We really connect, we really have so much in common. We, you know, are there together through thick and thin, no matter what. But as soon as a day came where we weren't able to do that activity we were used to, all of a sudden it felt empty. The relationship was completely empty. And um I guess that gave me a glimpse into the reality that now I know a little bit more about that. Real friendship is far beyond any of these material things that we can bond over. You know, because whatever you bond over, subtle or gross, you know, it's not you can't rely on it always being there. And so if you really want a friendship, it has to be based on something deeper. Real friendship. You know, that goes for marriage, that goes for friendships, that goes for family, you know. Family also they come and they go as this life ends eventually. And so, you know, what is a real friend? What is a real friend?

SPEAKER_01 6:42

We have to ask ourselves what does it mean to have a real connection?

SPEAKER_03 6:45

That story already touches me actually because I had very similar experiences, and I was also in that kind of crowd where we would smoke together, we would it would there'd be like a party crowd where they're good to party, they would drink, have fun, and I'd be like sort of the stoner stoner crowd where we just like sit around doing nothing and you know for maybe really, really cool. Yeah, exactly. You know, we're too cool for the parties, you know, that sort of vibe. And then I got into spirituality quite young when I was like 16, 17, I just gave up with this life of materialism and I felt felt unsatisfied, unfulfilled, and I just inquired into spiritual matters, started reading spiritual books, started trying to meditate and all these things, and then when I wanted to see friends, I found it much more difficult firstly. And so I stopped seeing friends for some time and I just realized none of them messaged me, none of them cared about me, none of them like was I had a different friendship after after that where we went, they were all they were a bit higher class people, they would have big aspirations for what they wanted to do in life. Um went to good universities, it was just sort of a different vibe, but still not quite into the spiritual aspect yet. But I remember going to interrolling with them, so we went around Europe and every night they would be like drinking and stuff, and I just was so into meditation then, and like the first night we were there, like I didn't drink anything, and I sat down and I meditated, they were like, What are you doing?

SPEAKER_02 8:29

It was like Joseph's gone mad.

SPEAKER_03 8:31

Yeah, um, so it was quite an interesting experience where the whole time I actually kept up with it, even if like we got back at like 2 a.m. I would just do like 10 minutes before going to bed. Wow, and they actually said to me at the end of the trip, like, Wow, I've actually seen you change so much, you're a lot more confident, you're a lot more outgoing, and then it inspired them in some ways, and then gradually I sort of faded from from those people because I just felt like we didn't really have that much in common still. We enjoyed each other's company. I I also had a big aspirations materially, but then the more I got into spiritual life, the the harder I found it was to connect already.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

Um wow, these are just amazing stories. It's actually it's so sad. I find it so sad that realization. Like when that moment actually happens, it's like I didn't have it not to the same extent that you guys have, but I remember um yeah, in my university kitchen, final year of my undergrad, just sitting there with my friends, and um we'd met our neighbours, they'd just moved in, I think. Anyway, they were also a young group of people, really nice, and I remember just sitting down um at the counter in the kitchen, and then I just started thinking, like, why is why am I friends with these people in this kitchen in this house, as opposed to um being friends with the next door neighbours that just moved in? Like, what is it about these people that qualifies them to be friends more than these lovely people I just met next door, like this? Like, what what's the actual fundamental basis for this relationship? And yeah, when you start asking those questions, sometimes like you guys did, you come to the realization that um yeah, there's nothing deep and solid that's just it's actually it's really sad. I find it really sad, yeah. Um and it's really sad when you when you have that realization, it's really sad as well. Because it's like I don't know, how did you guys deal with having that realization? Or was it something that you had in hindsight only after that, like years later, that you thought about it like that?

SPEAKER_02 10:46

It was a progressive thing for me. Like, I mean, I have friends that I was friends with back in the I mean, just recently, one friend that I haven't spoken to in years, we kind of started messaging and caught up, and it was really nice to just catch up with them. So I have great respect and and care, even and and adoration for many of my old friends. But at the same time, obviously we don't talk as much, that's just a reality. Um, those who never really got into the spiritual scene and this kind of thing. We're not hanging out every day like we were at a certain time, we don't keep up with everything that's going on in each other's lives, but uh it was like a progressive thing, and I think there was a point in time when I was getting more and more into this lifestyle, bhakti yoga lifestyle, and still trying to really strongly maintain those relationships, and then at a certain point, as I was still hanging out with them, but at the same time realizing that oh, I don't know how long this is gonna last. Because when I'm there in the room, it's nice to say that oh, we should always maintain relationships, or why not still connect, why not still be within that you know, space within that world? It's nice to say that it's a nice idea, and that's what I was thinking. But at the end of the day, when you're sitting there, you know, and you bring up something that you're interested in and nobody's interested in it, then it's horrible. So yeah, there's a bit of uh incompatibility that develops, and similarly, when they bring something up that you just couldn't be bothered to talk about, and um and they feel that and you feel it, and you know it's in the air, you kind of under all understand that, then yeah, they it develops into an incompatible uh nature, you know.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

Yeah, do you have do you guys have any tips for people on that? Because I think it's a commonly experienced thing on the spiritual path that you experience an evolution in your own consciousness, and then the compatibility, like you said, is there with your previous friendships and relationships, starts to diminish a bit. So yeah, how to I think my question was gonna be how to navigate that. Um I think everybody experiences it. Um, yeah, how do you deal with being in an environment where everyone is speaking about something that it's like watching paint dry? So what it feels like, you know, it's yeah, yeah. And you actually start to feel I always thought the greatest litmus test for me on where I should be is actually how energized I felt. Like when I was around certain people, I would feel buzzing, like so alive, laughing, joking, happy, very energetic. Some people I'd be around, and I literally would feel like um well, because you just just start you know, the shoulders start to go, you feel very tired. You feel sleepy, you're yeah, sleepy. Even though they're they're wonderful people, you know, very wonderful people, but you see them, you know, like that. He just yawned. Yeah, I've been struggling to stay awake for the fastest thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

Yeah, it's a big thing.

SPEAKER_03 13:48

I was just thinking about how in what I was mentioning earlier about the different types of friendship groups, what made me fall away from certain friendship groups was my identity changed and theirs stayed the same. So our identity is based on smoking weed together. So we have this given identity, we do the same things, we watch the same kind of movies, my identity changes and theirs stays the same, and then we're no longer friends, and then I have this other friendship group. My identity is based on making money, so is theirs. We're in the same group, and then my identity changes, but theirs stay the same, and then it's hard to relate. But if we can actually have an identity that's deeper than this material temporary fixes or temporary uh goals that will eventually go, come and go, um, then we can have deeper relationships.

SPEAKER_02 14:38

Yeah, and then to take it farther, like you're what you're asking about how to tolerate those conversations, relationships, circle, circles of people. If you think about it, because you know, also to your question about you know why am I friends with these people and not friends with those people, you know. Ultimately that thought is coming from a spiritual place because intuitively we know that we should just be friends with everyone. I mean, there's a sense of there should be a sense of friendship with everyone because we know that we have that sameness, that equality with everyone, you know. So people normally think, you know, why would I be friends with that group? You know, we don't have anything in common, we're a different color, we're different language, we're a different this, this, this. So if you have differences, that means no friendship. Ultimately. Then if you have similarities, that means friendship. Things you have in common. But then all of these things are relative, they're all on the material platform. So ultimately, if we learn about our nature as a spirit soul, you know, part and parcel of divinity, then you come to the understanding that everyone is also a spirit soul. We all have that in common. We all have a common source, we all have a common purpose, we all have a common um, you could say language, even spiritual language. You know, we all have a common uh country, you know, we all come from a spiritual realm, and we all have a common desire also. And because all those things are in common, then our activities also, there'll be certain activities that we should all have in common, you know, in the in the ultimate ideal of society, everyone would be practicing spirituality to some degree, which of course still most people are to some in some way, in some form. But it but they don't see it as all one common thing, they see it as different. You know, I'm Christian, you're Muslim, you're this, you're that. But if we understood that we all have that commonality, and in because of that understanding, we all have common practices that we can connect over, we can all chant together, we can all pray together, we can all meditate together, we can all you know retreat from our daily lives and try and go deeper into spirituality by discussing and reading and philosophizing all these things, then everyone becomes your friend. Everyone in the world becomes your friend. And you know, for us who are still not completely on that platform, completely in that realization. Then we you know, maybe it's best for us to just hang out with other people who are you know of that understanding, but ultimately the person who's totally realized and totally understands that point, even if someone else isn't on that platform, he still connects with them, and then you can tolerate those conversations because you have love and admiration for each living being, you know. So the you know, the slightly, slightly seasoned spiritualist, he'll just try and stick with spiritual people in order to help him grow and keep him strong and things like that. And of course, you know, who you surround yourself with, that's who you become, so that's important. But then the more most advanced person, he can go anywhere and speak to anyone and feel love and admiration for them and appreciate them and have gratitude for that soul and and connect with that soul, see commonality. You know, you don't know it, but you're a soul, and and we're all on this path together. And in my previous life, you know, who knows? You know, I could have been your mother, you could have been my brother. Whoa, whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, when it comes to karm and reincarnation, maybe we're going on a bit, but it's it's it's crazy. So one of my friends pointed this out to me once that you know, our families, it's like you know, we have this familial connection, but really we should be connecting over spirituality. Family should be connected over spirituality more than anything, because just the bodily relation, you know, you could be you could have a mother in this lifetime, and in your next lifetime, you know, that person who was your mother in your previous life, you just brush shoulders with them, walk by them on the street, and never even bat an eye, you know, or maybe they even bump into you and you tell the day watch where you're going, you know, like this. I could have been your mother in your previous life. Yeah. I mean, when now when I when I heard that, I was like, wow, that is such a profound point. It doesn't mean we shouldn't connect to family, but it means we should connect based on spirituality. I'm very fortunate. I can have like spiritual conversations with my family, my parents, especially, my dad. We have all these philosophical conversations, my mom as well, my sister is brother. So that's you know, if we can connect over that, that's the best with everyone. Family, friends, relatives, schoolmates, you know, then you can be friends with everyone, really.

SPEAKER_00 19:03

That's very nice. You have that with all your family, you can just speak.

SPEAKER_02 19:06

To some degree or another, especially my parents, we we talk about this kind of stuff all the time. I mean, that's mostly what our conversations are about, actually. Especially since I took up more of this kind of stuff. It wasn't before, but that's so cool.

SPEAKER_00 19:19

It's a real privilege that in different ways.

SPEAKER_02 19:21

My mom is like super Muslim, and we talk about that, and that's nice to talk about. And my dad is like just exploring all these different ideas, and so we just talk about that and talk about philosophy and the world and science and God and all these different things, and we just for hours can talk.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

You know, it's wonderful, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:38

But you too, right?

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Yeah, I do have it, but in a different sense, I think. As in all of your family, or most of your family have like some interest in spiritual discussion that they actually like doing it, so when you go home, you can actually really engage in that with everyone to it to a different extent. In my family, um, yeah, some of us are like that, but then um some people are not like that. And so, for the sake of maintaining harmony, you know, generally the conversation, because if you're having very spiritual discussion, then it kind of excludes, you know, like that. Um my mother's someone that's yeah, she's increasingly spiritually minded, and um, she comes to Studio 108, and I remember sitting sitting having the wonderful, delicious dinner that we have at Studio 108 upstairs. And um yeah, she's we came to the realization, because you mentioned language, that here we're speaking a different language. It's like obviously sometimes you learn English and French, and if you don't know how to speak French, you go to France and you can't really connect with people so well. But yeah, spirituality, you almost learn a different language, and when you're not in that environment, it's yeah, it's very it is very hard to connect like that. But like you said, in the ultimate sense, on the highest level, you're able to perceive everybody as um a spark of God essentially. And so you look upon everyone and you recognize divinity and um actually when we're experiencing difficulty in the early days of the spiritual path, when we're away from spiritual circles and when we have to engage and do our duties in environments which aren't necessarily the most pleasing and comfortable to be in. Um oftentimes it's because we're not yet fixed and secure on what we're doing. Like we still feel a little defensive of people are asking questions or we feel attacked or all of this sort of thing, because we're not quite comfortable and secure yet. But the more fixed in knowledge you become and the more certain and sure you become of what you're doing, then rather than feeling defensive um or critical of people that uh don't get us in quotation mark. You actually start to feel compassionate towards them and you want to help them. And so you automatically start to feel a bit more relaxed like that, I think.

unknown 22:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:10

I think that's interesting. I also had that experience, especially with my family. When I was first getting into spirituality, I was a bit fanatical. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

And you can imagine.

SPEAKER_03 22:19

You can imagine how we fanatic. Haven't changed. Um, but I just certain things I was like, wow, they're they're watching the news every day, they're doing this every day, and I don't want to do that, and like I like tell them about it, and then they're like, get a life.

SPEAKER_00 22:36

Um so it took me some time to then you move into an ashram because your dad was watching the news.

SPEAKER_03 22:41

Did I move into so no, it took me some time to sort of actually relate to everyone, like you're saying, on a spiritual level and not judge or because it actually comes from your own ego. You you see the ball in then that you have in you, engineer. Um whereas more recently I've been thinking about how actually amazing the childhood I have is, I had was, and uh seeing my mum and how much she does in every um Friday night. She has so many people over and cooks for so many people, has such an amazing service attitude. She won like women of the year or our synagogue and all these things. Like she's actually an incredible um human being.

SPEAKER_02 23:26

But you know what's your mum's name again?

SPEAKER_03 23:29

Judith.

SPEAKER_02 23:30

Judith, that's like Friday night.

SPEAKER_03 23:34

Friday night, didn't I? Um I'll be there next Friday for coming. Yeah, she would love it. Um yeah, my point is that yeah, especially in my like teenage years, it's like just get away from me. I just want to be myself, and you're hindering me, you're cramping my style, and all these things. I think everyone's like that to an extent. But yeah, going deeper in your spiritual practice and realizing that yeah, we're all Spox, we're all part and parcel of something greater, and it's our duty to speak about that, give that with others, give give that to others and have a deeper relationship based on that. I think that's um made me have more appreciation for for my parents and for my siblings and family members, even if they're not on the same wavelength spiritually.

SPEAKER_02 24:21

I had an amazing childhood too. I'm so grateful. My mom, man, she really so much care and love that she put into every breakfast, every lunch, every packed thing, every school visit, you know, so much care. And I can't believe, you know, I would never be able to do what she did, you know?

SPEAKER_01 24:41

It's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 24:42

Yeah, it's actually crazy. I mean, to wake up so early every morning and go in and you know, every morning we would have whatever we want for breakfast. She'd make us pancakes, however many you want, you know, or this thing or that thing, this sandwich, that sandwich, whatever you want. And she would learn what you like and she would make it free without you even asking. Like she just was so she just loved to feed us, and that's such a loving thing, you know. Until now, like when I go back and visit, she just makes all the things that she knows are my favorite. She loves doing it, you know. Sometimes she would drop me off at school at like I don't remember the time, 5:36 a.m. for different like sports practices I had, but preschool practice. Um, and uh yeah, I mean it's crazy. It's like I can never imagine doing those things. So much care and love, devotion. Yeah, really, especially the pancakes. I mean, wow. Every morning I'd have pancakes, however many I wanted. And she made the best pancakes.

SPEAKER_00 25:36

Yeah, they have so much love for us, don't they? And we rarely appreciate her. They do so they I mean, they literally raised us, you know, they literally made you who you are now. Yeah, they literally made us who we are. But it's so easy to lack appreciation for that. Like, yeah, I remember talking of actually spiritual path, etc. So when I was basically long story short, I reached a point where I had to leave London because the environment here was just too oppressive, and I wanted to go somewhere where I could go deeper into spiritual practice, meet people, and yeah, get some guidance. So I went to India and I booked my tickets to go to India, and we do family holidays every year in France in the summer. Um, and so I book my tickets and just told my parents, you know, I'm gonna go to I'm gonna go to India. I don't know what they must have thought, like it's quite a random thing for me to say, yeah, I'm going to India, you know. Um and my mum, you know, she's very sweet, very soft, very simple in the best way, open-hearted, and um yeah, she probably didn't think too much of what I was doing, but hopes that it would work out for me. My dad, on the other hand, he's he's also incredibly sweet and loving, but he's not he doesn't really express his emotions that much. Um, he's a lot more reserved, but so sweet, like he might have been uncomfortable giving you a hug, but then like randomly he'll just turn off and he's bought your favourite tart from the local bakery for you or something. Just so sweet, you know, like so thoughtful. But anyway, and so I didn't really I hadn't really discussed or told him anything I was thinking about going to India. But he drove me to the train station in Toulouse in the south of France from that I would go to the airport and fly to India. Anyway, so he was driving me, and we were kind of just sitting there, you know, like silently. Um and I was thinking, I wonder what he's thinking right now. He's driving his son, he's gonna go to India on some spiritual quest, and he wasn't really saying much. And we didn't really say much that journey, and he dropped me off at the station, like he gave me a big hug, and then I got on the train, and then like 20 minutes later, I looked into my phone and he sent me a text and he just said, I'm so proud of you. Oh that was so so sweet. That it almost made me cry, actually. Still makes me emotional now when I think about it. But yeah, he didn't he couldn't say anything to me in person, but in his heart, you know, he had such deep care. And I mean every parent has instinctively has such deep care for their child, don't they? They just want the best for you. Sometimes people don't have because in the ultimate spiritual sense, again, we're all at different points on the path and journey, we're all having different experiences, different levels of realization. Um but yeah, the parents' care for the child is always there, whether they understand it or not, and they're the first guru for us, you know, our mother, our father. So if we come to you know discover anything, any higher knowledge, the least we can do is try, try to give it to them. Maybe they're receptive, maybe they're not, but um, or at least be an example, and we can show through our actions that we're progressing in a way that's going to be positively beneficial for people. Um I was in the streets sharing some spiritual knowledge, books, and things, and this Italian lady I had a very long conversation with her, and she said, Oh, you know, your mother must be so proud of you. And she said, Every mother just wants um wants to know that their child's doing something purposeful in this world. It's very simple.

SPEAKER_03 29:26

Like, but I've heard that recently there's been a big rise in lone parent families, and I wonder what that does to a child. We're talking about how our parents shaped us, the love that they gave us. Um, but a lot of the time people don't have that. They don't have that love, that affection, that care. Yeah. What do you think that does to someone?

SPEAKER_02 29:47

I mean, there's studies done that unfortunately, people, kids who are raised in divorced fam divorced parent families, of course, the same thing applies to lone parent families. They score lower on every kind of um you know, test, uh, happiness level, you know, mental ill, mental health level, all these different things. They score lower on average. It's just a fact of life. We need both parents at home in order to have a fulfilled, fully fulfilled life, uh childhood and life. You need an example of a father, you need an example of a mother, you know, a masculine and feminine energy in the home, and they play their roles, you know, everyone has their role and has their influence on the kid. That's just a fact of life again, you know, it's just reality. And um yeah, I mean, I'm very fortunate, even though my parents they went through difficult times. Sometimes they never split up, they always stayed together for the sake of the kids, and and uh I mean I definitely benefited a lot from them in my childhood. I feel like I'm more of a complete person than if it was it was a different case, so it can be difficult. You guys parents were always both together, right? Wow, this is quite a rare thing actually nowadays. Most people have divorced families, but all three of us are sitting here with both parents together. What about you, Vasant? Also, well, cameraman also must be something. Yeah, we attracted each other. Yeah, I don't know what that means, but it's just really not common these days. Yeah, it's really not common. Most people, I think. I mean, I don't know, I don't I haven't seen the statistics, but I think if I had to guess, probably more than 50% of families in the UK get divorced. Let me check what you guys discuss.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

Yeah, we're so so lucky, aren't we? It's like I always thought about this actually. I didn't I didn't realize that the divorce rate was so high.

SPEAKER_03 31:55

What about when your school were people were parents mostly together or I'm trying I was just thinking about it as you guys were speaking. I know, I thought yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:06

I was thinking about it as we were speaking. I was even thinking about the friends that we live with now. Like whether people's parents are together, they think Yeah, but anyway. Um what was this what are the statistics?

SPEAKER_02 32:21

Well, between 40 and 50% of children in the UK don't grow up with both parents at home. And um but it doesn't it's not all based on divorce. Sometimes one of them lives in a different place, whatever, but forty-two percent of marriages end in divorce. Wow, and of course that's not taking into account all of the people that are together now who will get divorced, and who knows? Because it's always increasing. Yeah, 40 to 44 percent of children under 16 to 21 do not live with both parents.

SPEAKER_03 32:54

That is crazy. Comes back to what we were speaking to earlier earlier. What's our relationship based on? Because I met this guy on the streets again. As a Studio 108 community, we go out and share literature on spirituality and these types of things. I met someone recently and I presented him the book, and he was like, Yeah, I used to be in spirituality, into it, and into like yoga, meditation, chakra healing, all these things. And then he said, I got married, had a child, and um yeah, my wife just wasn't into it at all. And then she divorced me, she took everything, took the child, I have nothing now, and I'm just not interested in anymore. And it's like the saddest thing. It's like he had his whole life ahead of him, and he had a relationship based on something that wasn't spiritual, that wasn't meaningful, that had no values to it. Um wife left him, kids gone, he's got nothing, a lot of his money went towards the family, doesn't have much money now, and he's lost all his enthusiasm towards spirituality, and really didn't know what to do in that situation. I just said, like, don't give up, basically. There's more out there.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

What can you say in that situation? Anyway, to take it to a more positive. Yeah, please do. Ultimately, there's so many different ways of feeling incomplete in this world. I'm not having both parents at home, not having a good friend group, not having a healthy diet, all these different things make you feel incomplete. I'm not a complete person. The complete person has all these things, but ultimately, no one has all these things materially, everyone's missing something, and real incompleteness, the feeling of incompleteness comes from a lack of connection with the complete whole, the complete source, complete divinity. And everyone will tell you this any Muslim, any Christian, any Buddhist, any Hindu, and anyone who practices meditation or chanting mantras will tell you that more than any form of completeness, whether it's family, friendship, hobbies, whatever, uh fulfilled career, none of these things will make you actually feel complete the way that uh spiritual connection makes you feel complete. So if you want to be complete, you want to feel complete, you have to connect with the complete, that supreme complete, whether you call it God, Krishna, the universe, you know, find that divinity uh in a sincere way with sincere practitioners, then you'll actually feel complete. Then you will realize that once you're on that platform rather than a material platform, you'll realize that actually it didn't matter whether you had both parents at home, whether you had friendships, all these different things, it was all temporary. It comes and goes. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad, sometimes it comes, sometimes it goes, sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not. And but throughout all of it, you can feel completely complete by connecting to something higher than us, something more complete through a spiritual practice.

SPEAKER_00 35:43

Yeah. And you're a friend to all, and you can see people as your fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, all of this. Yeah. And yeah, my um my sister has been embarking on a spiritual quest as well, and we're kind of going on in parallel. And one of my friends asked, you know, has our relationship changed? How has that changed things? And yeah, I guess it's like, you know, you people ask, Well, who's your best friend? I was like, your best friends are the people who have been there through thick and thin, through all of your evolutions externally, your interests, those things that have changed, and they remain there. Because your relationship's not based on these temporary externals changing. The same with my sister, you know, our relationship's deeper because we always had a deep relationship, to be honest, but it's even got deeper because yeah, now you look, we look at each other probably as something more than just a brother and a sister, you know. It's like uh your relationship moves to a spiritual level. They say that you know, we come together as family, it's like twigs on a stream that come together, and then again they drift apart, and then maybe they reconnect further on down the line. And yeah, the body's always changing. Like you said, you might brush someone in the street that was your uh best friend, your wife, whatever it might be. Your dog, your dog, yeah, maybe I could have been your dog in a previous life. Probably wasn't at least anyway. I don't want to make any weird jokes right now. Um I had many as well, I thought they're completely inappropriate. This podcast PG. Um, but yeah, anyway, so that when the relationship starts to be based on something deeper than those things, then you can evolve in so many ways externally, but the fundamental essence that you're connecting over will always be there on a spiritual level. So that's why it's important to find community, like you said to begin with, spiritual community, birds of the same feather flock together, um and you can establish relationships in that way, and then yeah, you grow grow your circle like that, and then when you re-enter those other spaces, you can be fixed in knowledge and have compassionate rather than judgmental consciousness.

SPEAKER_03 38:11

It's interesting because what we think is complete is often incomplete. Example, it's like a celebrity, you see their social media, you see their lifestyle, you see how much money, wealth, fame they have, how beautiful they are, and you think that's complete. I want that. I want to be him or her, or I want to be friends with that person. A cousin of mine, she from when she was young, she always always worshipped David Beckham. A whole woman would be full of posters of David Beckham when she would be like completely obsessed with him. Oh my gosh. And then she met him at the airport one time, he just wasn't very nice, so it's just like a bit rude, and like you know, and so my point is that we can worship you know, celebrities, idols, all these things that we think are complete, but um actually when we know ourselves truly, our our soul, our spiritual nature, we can actually see what's complete and what's incomplete and not be taken away away by by the illusion of social media, of the social paradigm that wealth, money, fame, beauty, these things will make me happy. Um rather these things come from an ultimate source, which is the source of happiness. You know. It's like I was just hearing recently that um like I've all different milk cup products come from milk, like yogurt, um butter, all these things come from milk. And so when you know milk, you know all milk products. So if you know your soul, you know you know all other souls, you know the the the complete picture, and I found that really beautiful.

SPEAKER_02 39:46

Yeah, yeah. Unity in diversity, yeah. That's it. I think it's a very, very nice note to end on. Yeah, brought it back full circle, actually. Nice job, guys.

SPEAKER_03 39:56

It's complete now. Yeah, it's funny guys, it's complete, it's complete whole. Just don't look at our private lives.

SPEAKER_00 40:04

Anyway, thank you so much guys for tuning in, and we will see you on the next episode. Thank you. Take care.