Ages and Stages (02)

What phase of life are you in right now? 
In Episode 2 of The Sibling Soapbox Podcast, real-life siblings Tristan Venture and Heather Evans explore the rollercoaster of life’s phases — from childhood chaos and teenage growing pains to creative ambition and midlife reflection.
Whether you're navigating parenting, career changes, or the awkward “now what?” feeling of your 40s, this episode is packed with real talk, laughs, and some emotional truths.

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https://www.thesiblingsoapbox.com/blog/ages-and-stages-from-childhood-chaos-to-midlife-reflection--sibling-soapbox-podcast-ep-2/

Time Stamps
0:00 Intro
0:30 Bad Smells
05:25 Growing Up in a Small Town
07:05 First Jobs
12:30 Our 20's
26:00 What Advice Would You Give Your 20-something Self?
30:55 Our 30's
38:44 Our 40's
48:40 Working parents
59:48 35 is Midlife
1:02:08 Meth Moms of OC
1:05:00 Clean Bill of Health
1:11:00 Our 50's
1:17:10 Adapting
1:18:16 Soapbox Drop
1:20:15 Dance It Out

#lifephases #genx #midlife #siblings #siblingpodcast #podcastlaunch #badsmells #newpodcast #brotherandsister #podernfamily #podcastlife #badbreath #growingpains #perimenopause #tacomaaroma #aging #agesandstages

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Transcript

Episode 2 Transcript

Tristan (00:00.558)

Oh my God. I am so sorry. I have allergies. I'm so sorry. I did my nasal spray and I get post-nasal. I'm so sorry. That was gross. That's what you don't see behind the scenes. I'm so sorry.

Heather (00:14.186)

We're good. I'm ready.

Tristan (00:17.9)

I'm really trying to clear my shit up. I'm so sorry. Okay.

Heather (00:22.761)

This has to be on there.

Tristan (00:25.678)

Yeah. my God.

Heather (00:28.231)

do this.

Tristan (00:32.718)

Remember mom, did I have a lift? She would always be like, I need a face lift. 

Heather (00:37.757)

Hey guys, how's this look?

Tristan (00:40.846)

All right. All right.

Heather (00:43.401)

I'm just thankful for ring lights. That's all I can say. Does this look natural?

Tristan (00:48.066)

Yes, very nice. yeah, look like a Vulcan on Star Trek.

Live long and Prosper.

Heather (00:58.121)

God willing. So. Listas?

That means ready.

Tristan (01:08.622)

Boogers, is that what you said? Oh, sorry. Ready, ready.

Heather (01:12.381)

Mocos? Okay, here we go. 

Alright, hey, welcome to the Sibling Soapbox Podcast. My name is Heather Evans.

Tristan (02:38.614)

And I'm Tristan Venture.

Hey, welcome to the Sibling Soapbox Podcast. I'm Heather Evans.

Tristan (03:36.076)

And I'm Tristan Venture.

Heather (03:38.01)

We are real siblings getting real about topics unafraid, unfiltered. Let's jump on the soapbox together. Today we're going to talk about life phases.

Tristan (03:50.19)

Yeah, I love that topic. Before we start, I just have this funny story to tell. And you can let me know if you have a similar experience, but I think maybe people in our audience as well have had this, where you encounter a bad smell. I was at my son's, he's in elementary school, a performance they were having and the parents were all sitting in chairs and my wife and I were sitting down and a couple sat next to us.

And the wife was next to me and then the husband was just the next seat over. And it was early in the morning, you know, maybe some morning breath. I don't really know for sure, but every time he would turn and talk to his wife, the wind must've been blowing. So I would get this smell in my face and Heather, mean, we all have, you know, bad breath on occasion, tonsil stones or I don't know something about you don't brush in the morning. I don't know, but I'm not kidding you. This was so bad.

I was literally like my eyes kind of watered for a second. And then at one point I literally, it was so strong. I kind of inhaled it a little bit. Like it was like the taste of dying death or something, something decomposing. And I started to like cough. I was like choking. It was so uncontrollable. I'm like sitting there, God. Anyway it was really, really crazy. I just wanted to share that. I had to share that with someone. Thanks for listening. And just because that was one of those experiences where you're like, Oh my goodness, you might want to take a breath mint in the morning or have a little breakfast to take care of that morning breath. I don't know how his wife was, was dealing with it. was quite strong. Anyway, um, have you ever had an experience like that where just like a strong smell, bad smell where you're like, Oh my God.

That is not good.

Heather (05:48.391)

I mean, I'm always worried about chronic halitosis myself, but I do know that that is oftentimes related to gut health. So maybe we'll get into that on another episode when we get into some of those wellness tips. Yeah. But no, that's why I love chewing gum and having mints on hand at all times. But, you know. But yeah, let's see. Bad smells.

Tristan (05:59.985)

Tristan (06:06.605)

Pressure your teeth, proper oral hygiene.

Heather (06:17.102)

Okay, let's see if you remember when we were kids. We had moved to Washington state from Idaho. So I don't even remember how old I was, like four or five, five. And we were driving through an area. This area is near the small town where we were living and it's called Tacoma. So we were driving through Tacoma and I don't know if you remember, but when you drive through Tacoma,

actually.

When you drive through Tacoma, I don't know if you remember, but this odor would permeate even the car. So I remember being this young kid and suddenly this disgusting smell and it was so bad. I literally started gagging like this... 

Tristan (07:14.221)

Wait, I do remember this. I remember this.

Heather (07:19.014)

It's like a disgusting sulfur. And I remember mom and dad like turning around like, what are you doing? Why are you apparently, we were all like, ew, ew, but I was literally dry heaving and couldn't stop because it was so nasty. So nasty. I...

Tristan (07:36.749)

It was the paper mill.

Heather (07:39.854)

Yes. So if I remember correctly, I don't think it's open anymore. I think they closed it down. I could be wrong, but yeah, it was, they call it the aroma of Tacoma and it's infamous for this disgusting smell. And it does have something to do with the paper mill and the process that they do in order to, I mean, the manufacturing process. I don't even know how people could work there, but it emits this sort of sulfur rotten egg smell.

Tristan (07:51.661)

Ew.

Heather (08:08.549)

Could you imagine living near that every day? Like seriously. So, but yeah, no, so that's, that is my disgusting smell thing. And here's the crazy thing. You know, after COVID, well, when I had COVID, initially I lost my sense of smell, which in your case would have been a good thing sitting next to that parent. But I remember losing my smell. And then when it finally came back, all I could smell was rotten egg sulfur in certain places.

Tristan (08:11.418)

Ugh. Ugh.

Heather (08:38.469)

And my daughter had the same thing and it was around parts of our house, like near the water. I couldn't eat eggs for like a year. No joke, because it would always bring up that disgusting smell. So yes, smells. Yay. Thank God. Yeah, I'm back to normal now with it. yeah, disgusting.

Tristan (08:47.117)

Whoa.

Tristan (08:51.419)

my gosh.

Tristan (08:56.641)

Yeah. I remember the Tacoma Aroma. mean, that was such a thing, you know, where we grew up in and that was just west of where we grew up in our small little town and that was the nearest city. so yeah, I guess it was an industry there and, and, yeah, that's what that was. But yeah, our small town, just reflecting back on our last episode, you know, from cow town to tinsel town.

Tristan (09:22.283)

That was quite the journey. And I was just thinking back. It's like, I loved growing up in that small town, you know, I know we joke about cow town or whatever, but I loved it. And we had the woods there that Corliss, the family owned and it went on for miles and miles and miles. Those, that forest. And when I came back, to visit one time we drove up there and it was completely decimated. They leveled the forest. mean, this was a habitat for, you know,

Owls and tons of wildlife deer. And there were camps that were there, you know, kids camps and stuff. And so they leveled it. They built, you know, houses and shopping centers. And I just couldn't believe it because I remember as kids, we would go back there and explore just for hours and hours and hours and even a whole day. And there were frogs back there and swamps and such a beautiful place. And it was so sad to see that go. And, know, just growing up in that small town and having things like in our town, had, you know,

butcher, a baker, a candlestick maker. No, I'm just kidding about that. But we had, you know, local stuff like the dairy farm where we would go to get our milk as kids. It was in the glass bottles. We would go there to pick it up. You could see the cows like literally being milked. And then you get your bottle and have the cream seal on top. And we would take those home in the little carrier. And I mean, that's the stuff now. I think a lot of people are trying to get back to our local farms through like farmers markets and whatnot. And I mean, we

you know, at the time we didn't know any better and thought, yeah, this is what it is. And then as you know, things changed in our country and became just, you know, mass processed foods, which we should get into at some point, toxic food chain that we are now subject to. But yeah, I mean, love that about the small town. And I even had my first job in the fields there in that small town.

Heather (11:14.435)

Okay, wait, remind me, what was your first job?

Tristan (11:19.949)

So my first job, I was 10 years old and they had a program where kids, even at 10 years old, I don't know how they got around the labor laws back then, but we would get on a bus at 5:30 in the morning. They bus us down to the fields where we would harvest strawberries. And then later in the year it was raspberries, but I go with my, my good friends, Derek and Kevin Pettie We would get on that bus, go down and work all like, well, not all day, probably, you know,

probably eight hours till like 2 PM, 3 PM, um, in the hot sun, dusty, dirty, and on average make $5 a day, you know, filling up these flats of strawberries. And I think the most money I made in one day was $15. I don't know how they got away with that, but that was my first job. Um, and you know, it's small town farmland that, you know, that's kind of suitable for a job back then, I guess. Um,

But speaking of like first jobs, what was your first job? Do you remember? Was it something in our small town?

Heather (12:23.157)

I remember you being, you were a hustler back then. You were hustling for that money. I remember you going to pick berries. I don't know why I never did. I think I was too busy with dancing or something entrepreneurial. Entrepreneurship? Entrepreneurship. I'm going to say that one of my first, how do I say this? I'm going to say that one of my first

Tristan (12:36.16)

Hahaha

Heather (12:53.365)

entrepreneurial... I want to say this right, hold on. I want to say that one of the times that I remember trying to hustle for some money though is when we had a volcano, Mount St. Helens, that erupted. Right? And you know how a lot of kids will do like lemonade stands? Do you remember that we had a

Tristan (12:58.314)

Yeah, yeah, no, hold on. Go ahead.

Heather (13:21.814)

A volcanic ash stand that we were trying to sell volcanic ash on the side of our road. And if I remember correctly, it wasn't even the Mount St. Helens ash, which we could dust off of our cars and things like that. It was real. But didn't we go get it out of like a backyard fire pit or something and then try to pass it off as Mount St. Helens ash?

Tristan (13:44.125)

I do remember that we were a little deceptive kids. You know, we just wanted to make some money. So yes, we took ash from the fireplace and put it in these little glass bottles. And I remember, yes, we had it laid out and we were selling it like a dollar or $2 per bottle. Mt. St. Helen's Ash. That was a big deal. It's so interesting how, yes, entrepreneurship, being entrepreneurs back then and trying to come up with ideas of ways to make money as kids. And yeah, that, that.

Heather (14:00.809)

Yeah. Yeah.

Tristan (14:14.4)

That was one thing that we definitely did and it was fun. We had a lot of fun.

Heather (14:18.422)

Yeah, and especially in a small town, we didn't have a lot of options for jobs. We had to get creative, whether it was a stand on the side of the road or, I don't know, did we even mow people's lawns? But when you talk about small towns, for so many years, I just wanted to get out of our small town. And now, hindsight, I treasure those memories exactly. We were saying, like, being able to play in the woods, when I explained to my kids what we could do and going on bike rides all over the place and not worrying so much as we do now in bigger areas and suburbs. Well, I live in suburbia now and it's a little bit smaller, but we had, I treasure those memories. I go back now and I'm like, okay, I'm really happy that we had the small town values in the small town life. Even though everybody knew everybody and everybody's business. I actually treasure that now.

Tristan (15:11.816)

It's true. There's a nostalgia there, you know, especially just the quaintness of a small town. And, now, when you move to a bigger city, you know, it's, you don't have that familiarity, you know, with every little nook and cranny of an area or a small town that you do grow up in. And so, yeah, was, was a super fun opportunity for us as kids. And, know, thankfully our parents picked a place like that.

You know, hopefully our kids are doing okay in the places where they're growing up, but they don't have the freedom like we did. We had so much freedom back then. And now, you know, there are just too many things in the world where you're not allowed. So, they're still getting by.

Heather (15:46.645)

right?

Heather (15:54.379)

Yeah, and we didn't have our electronic leashes. There were no phones. Our parents, mean, our mom, do you remember the whistle? Like she didn't even have to use her fingers. It was a “shh-shht”. And she would whistle for us to come home and we could hear it from far away, but there were no, there were no lines of communication open for our parents besides whistling for us or Heather, Tristan, Nicole, get home. Yeah.

Tristan (16:23.51)

Yeah, ringing the triangle. Dinner time, kids!

Heather (16:24.287)

Such a different world. No. But the generations now, like they have no idea what that was like. And it was liberating for us, I'm sure at the time. But also, how did our parents, how? How did our parents not, I guess they just didn't worry because you didn't think about it. Maybe you weren't exposed to as much as we are now.

We see everything through the news and through social media of all the bad crap that can happen. We didn't, maybe our ignorance was bliss back then because we weren't so bombarded with it. So we were like, I don't know, kidnapping. I think we got the warning. Like, don't get in a van with someone.

Tristan (17:04.81)

Yeah, no puppies and ice cream. Avoid the puppies and ice cream. It's true. It's so true. Very different times. We'll have to talk about that sometime, you know, with some of the boomers and the way that they were able to kind of do a little more hands free raising of kids versus, know, we have to be somewhat helicoptering at times, which you don't want to, but I kind of have to nowadays, unfortunately, lot of, caveats along the way. So

Heather (17:07.026)

Yeah.

Tristan (17:34.774)

But yeah, life phases. I love it. I love the topic. Let's, let's, just kind of dive in. So, you know, we grew up in the small town and then, you know, graduated from high school and then head off to college or start, you know, jobs, different jobs, you know, just trying to establish yourself as an adult in the world and, know, get a career going if, if that's what you choose to do. And, I think that's, that's kind of what we both had, you know, both, both of us.

Heather (17:36.989)

Life phases, yep.

Tristan (18:04.683)

Went to college and took that route. Um, but what, what, what are your thoughts on your twenties, Heather? Like what are your takeaways from your twenties? What did you value? What, what was your most fun experience? What were your, what did you learn?

Heather (18:19.519)

I mean, there was a lot that went on in my 20s, as I'm sure for most people. It's a big period of growth, and I'm sure that people who are listening right now can relate. You either choose an adventure, and I mean, we can go back to like choose your adventure books, choose your own adventure books if you remember those, but you're in your early 20s and you're choosing your adventure for life. You're choosing your life path.

For some people that was college, for some people that was getting married, for some people that was moving away from their small towns or moving to a place that was just something different to have the change. But for my 20s, I think because our mom did instill in us to do as much as you can in your 20s because she and our dad got married young and they got married at like 19/20.

They were 19 and 20 years old or 21 years old. So I always remember her saying, go live your life. Go live your life in your 20s. yeah, college and then moving to Los Angeles. I think that your 20s should be, and I try to instill this in my own kids, about finding adventure to try to find yourself. But my 20s had a lot of ups and downs.

I ended up getting married at 24. Went to college, moved to Mexico for a while to work, came back, got married at 24. And we had already moved to Los Angeles. But I had this interesting thing happen in my life where I was craving adventure and craving new things, but also craving stability. And I'm sure that comes from being the product of divorce.

Our parents divorcing and feeling like everything became very unstable. I was craving that still in my life. So I had an interesting path of, I want adventure, I want all these things, but yet I want to settle down. And to expand on that, that marriage actually didn't last. ended, I mean, we ended amicably. There were no children involved. wasn't nobody cheated or anything, but it was one of those moments I think where we're like, wait.

Heather (20:40.79)

I said, I don't think this is what I wanted. I think I want more in my 20s. These are the moments that I need to go out and chase. And we had moved to Los Angeles to pursue our dreams. And if I was sitting in my marriage, I didn't feel like I was having all the opportunities. So I wonder if people want to comment about how maybe they were seeing themselves going on one path.

And then something shifted and they pivoted to another path and I think in your 20s, that's actually a really good time to do it, especially before you get settled into a career or a family. But what about you in your 20s? What stood out for you as maybe a big life lesson or something that you did in your 20s that was pretty memorable, that changed your life?

Tristan (21:37.451)

Oh yeah. I mean, I think you're absolutely right, Heather, you know, your early twenties or even your late teens, you know, 18, 19 is that pivotal point in your life where you make a decision. Um, you know, you're going to try one of the paths. Like you have all these opportunities. It's a fork in the road where I'm going to go down one of these paths. I want to try something and see how it is, whether it's college marriage, uh, starting a career, you know, in whatever field that is.

You're going to pick one and then that's going to hopefully be the one that works out for you. I think nowadays, you know, Gen Z, maybe we could talk to someone in that generation could chime in a bit because now I think with, you know, gig, you know, economy and all the different jobs you could possibly take, side hustles, you know, all the different things, no careers certain anymore, no jobs are secure anymore. but for me, yeah. So.

You know, I was in a long-term relationship coming out of high school, which was great. And then yes, we wanted to move to California and I wanted to go to film school and explore that whole possibility. 

Tristan (23:07.531)

Yeah. So for me, you know, yeah, that was a very pivotal time. The decision was I was either going to be an engineer and go down that career path, which was, you know, I don't want to say set up for me, but it would have come very easily for me. I did some work in engineering and it was, I was a natural, it was an ability that I had for whatever reason, genetics, whatever you want to call it. but it just came to me very easily. I could have had that career, made great money, you know,

Got married, just went down that whole path, but something in me always said like, no, there's more. You have to do this or something more. It's that voice in your head that says, Hey, go take a chance, take a risk, do something different. You know, this is it. This is your life. You have one chance. And that's when I just knew in my heart that I have to do this. I have to do something and I will not be content or happy in my life if I don't. And that's when

You know, leaving that potential of a career for a life with someone and just saying, gotta go try this, you know, sorry, family, sorry, you know, person I'm in the relationship with. If you don't understand that I just have to try this. I have to do it. And, you know, that's just part of the journey for certain people where, yeah, for whatever reason. And I’m not saying one is better than the other, but for whatever reason you have to do this and.

It's just that thing that, you know, that if you don't, if you don't try, you will not be happy in your life. Um, so yeah, moving to Southern California and exploring different film schools and finally, um, getting accepted into USC, which was very difficult. I was rejected three times and I think it was the fourth and last potential time I would finally get in, um, kind of went in the back door there, met people, worked on projects. I was a student at USC and just finally got into the film school.

Tristan (25:09.078)

And then, you know, the rest of the twenties was great because I was able to work in the industry, meet a lot of people and just go on exciting adventures, you know, on different film shoots and, doing so many different things. And, at that age we met a lot of great friends in Los Angeles at that time. And, you know, we were all young and excited and all on our different career paths, whether it was in the industry, you know, we had all just somehow magically met up and created these.

Heather (25:27.932)

Mm-hmm.

Tristan (25:38.571)

Uh, memorable relationships that lasted for a very long time. And it was wonderful. We had such an opportunistic time to go to that place and have those experiences that I mean, I, I cherish that.

Heather (25:52.092)

Hmm?

Tristan (26:07.688)

And I always will my entire life. And it was also a foundation that really, you know, built who I am today. And I don't know about you, but those experiences that we had with those people, you know, and the same thing with childhood friends, they last your entire life. You'd be thinking like, I just had that, you know, friend in the neighborhood or whatever, but I don't know. I still even sometimes have dreams about kids from my childhood and my friends back then. And you know, those experiences, even at, you know, at this age, even now, which I think is so incredible that those things just last their lifetime, things that influence you and last, and you carry it with you for your entire life.

Heather (26:48.315)

I agree. And do you wonder if maybe us, our generation, the Gen X, watching the boomers, watching our parents who had had these cookie cutter lifestyles of get married, settle down, have a career that's supposed to last until your retirement. And we watched a lot of those basically fall apart or watched not just the people fall apart, the marriages fall apart, but even some of the careers. And I think that possibly for our generation made us rethink it and we were trying to do things a little bit differently. In my mind, I was like, well, I am not going to be a 50s housewife. I'm going to be something. I've always said that. F this 50s housewife stuff. No, but I also see, you know, the generations after us now and I respect that they're taking more chances at younger ages and they're not just falling into that and probably because they see that the machine is not something that worked for a lot of people in the long run or it's not working now. So I love that we could take chances in our 20s and that we could find the adventures that are going, that we could find the adventures that molded us into who we are now even. I mean, you and I backpacked through Europe together at one point. I literally took a leave of absence from my corporate job at Warner Brothers and we went off and had this, how long was this adventure? Six weeks? Four weeks?

Tristan (28:20.489)

I think it was four weeks. Yeah, we did four weeks and our first time being to Europe, you know, and, I think we were the first ones in our immediate family that had actually gone to Europe and done something like that. So that was a, you know, breaking out of the mold for sure that, you know, growing up in small towns or whatever, and just kind of staying there. We definitely had a call to adventure and we went for it. And I mean, that's again, one of those opportunities, Heather, where

Tristan (28:49.161)

You know, we looked at it on paper and it's like, don't have any money. How are we going to make this work? Oh my gosh. Use a credit card, put on a credit card. But now I think back, it's like, it was actually so cheap in relative to today's, you know, financial terms, but so affordable at the time, it was a huge risk for us because I think it was $1,500 a person, but that included flights, you know, that included hostels, um, staying in, you know, different low, you know, price hotels and stuff.

Heather (28:53.091)

Yeah.

Tristan (29:17.795)

And getting a Eurorail pass and being able to just jump on a train and go between those countries. And not only that, we went to Northern Italy where our ancestors are from on our father's side. And we visited and met our family. I mean, that's something that to have the freedom at that age and to just go travel and have that adventure and experience. As we know now, once you have a family, kids, it's so hard to have, to be able to break away or afford to take everyone on a big trip and you know, you're not going to have your family and kids sleeping in hostels. You could, but it'd be a little more challenging. My family's a little bougie. They probably wouldn't do that or live out of a backpack. All your clothes are in one little backpack and you're washing your clothes in a sink and you know, so yes, you're right. Those experiences of doing things like, Hey, we're going to go to Europe for a month. I mean, that's just unforgettable.

Heather (30:03.289)

Right?

Heather (30:13.688)

Yeah, I was just thinking as you're saying that though, we craved adventure. We craved getting out of our small town as much as we loved our small town. wanted more and that could have to do with that could have something to do with we have like gypsy ancestry or something like the gypsies in us. Whereas there are people to this day from Sumner, Washington who got married

right out of high school and are still married. And they, I know them and they are so happy. And I actually envy that sometimes. And so I don't wanna take anything away from people who chose their adventure being like, well, I'm going to start my family young and start my career young and they're still in it and seem really happy. I always thought they would be miserable by now and they're not. So there is that side of it too where people may choose something a little bit different or the people that I worked with a lot of the time down here in LA at my corporate job, I have many female friends who opted to not have children, to opted to not get married. And they're still single and they're very successful in their careers. And I look at that sometimes like, wow, I wanted so badly to have kids and settle down, but I admire the fact that they knew that's not what they wanted and that wasn't their path and they chose another one and they're also perfectly happy. So it's really interesting in our 20s, the directions that we could have gone and how each person's fulfillment is different, their level of fulfillment by what resonated with them for that time in their lives.

Tristan (31:55.216)

Yeah, that's a very good way of looking at it for sure.

Yes, I as well at times, you know, ask myself, why can't you just have a simple life, Tristan? And for whatever reason I don't and I can't, I I'm on this crazy journey and sometimes I'll look at back even, you know, and I'll be like, how the fuck am I doing this? I don't even know how it's all worked out because there are so many times when there was no money there, you know, it's like living day to day, unsure of tomorrow and any future.

You know, you go through a lot of the fires and trials of life and you're like, my God, am I going to make it through this? And then as you get a little bit older, you start to just remind yourself like, well, you made it through that. You can make it through this, you know, they have that experience behind you to kind of say, just keep on going. It's all going to work out. though in the middle of it, you're like, shit, hold on. I don't know if I'm going to make it this way. But somehow it all works out and.

Yeah. My hats off to those people who are content and happy in those lives, you know, where they, and I want to say simple. I don't want to say that, it's just, you know, easier, whatever it's not, it's all challenging. Everyone has their own journey. Everyone has their own, their own way. And I think that's the beauty of life is that no two people are alike and you don't know what another person has been through. You don't know what's going on behind the scenes, you know, so many times in life.

We think, oh, they're so happy or they have this and I saw their social media and they look like they're just having an amazing life and behind the scenes, it could be a shit show and we don't know. And so, you know, that's where we have to kind of respect each other and consider like, well, maybe they're trying to compensate for something else. It's missing. You just, never know. Not to get too, you know, uh, heady about it or intellectualizing it too much, but that's just kind of how it, you know, it could potentially be.

Heather (33:56.364)

Yeah, hey, that's why we're here. We're on our soap boxes. We wanna hear from other people on their soap boxes. I would love to hear people chiming in and commenting or messaging us, let us know, you know, what were some of the big lessons you learned in your 20s? We're talking about that decade right now. But I wanna ask you, Tristan, if you could go back to your 20-something year old self right now and give your 20-something year old self a little piece of advice, what would it be?

Tristan (34:27.758)

I would say, don't listen to the naysayers. Don't listen to people who may try to kind of distract you from your dreams and your ambitions. I think, you know, as an artist, sometimes it's easy to fall into that, especially if you're not having immediate success.

You know, to come out of, you know, school or college or whatever, and just start your career and immediately think, I'm going to make it. Everything's going to be great. Well, it doesn't always work out that way. And unfortunately, sometimes the people closest to you can actually, you know, discourage you without the best advice at times and make you, you know, second guess what you've committed to and what you're doing. And so I would say to my 20 something self, you know, Hey,

Keep going. Don't listen. You know, from the time I was very young, I always had this in the back of my head of, know, never stop believing in yourself and your dreams. I don't know where that came from, but it was always in the back of my mind. This voice in my head saying, never stop believing, just keep going. And there were many times when I doubted myself and I doubted things and, I listened to people and I kind of felt like shit at times where I'm like, my God, they might be right.

You know, people that I trusted, people that I thought really cared about me or even mentors at times. I'm like, you know, maybe they did. I don't, you know, now that I'm older, I'm like, geez, maybe they had ulterior motives. I don't know. But when you think someone might be on your team and they're, know, hope, hopefully they're pushing to support you in the right direction. Sometimes they're jealous. Sometimes they may just, you know, want more for themselves or they don't have it. So they want to project it onto you. I don't know, but.

That's the advice that I would give to myself. Now, what, what about you, Heather? What advice for your 20 something self would you say?

Heather (36:30.678)

Hmm. I, let's see if I could go back and talk to Heather, Heather in her twenties. I definitely would say, girl, you look good. Stop worrying so much. You're not fat. You're not old. As a woman, especially a woman midlife right now, it's so interesting how we're so hard on ourselves. I was so hard on myself in my twenties, especially aesthetically. And maybe that was being

a dancer or being in the entertainment industry and working in front of the camera. I'll look back sometimes now and I'm like, why was I so wrapped up in this? You looked good, enjoy your youth. But I think that's part of the growth process. So I would tell myself, just relax a little bit more as far as, I'm gonna redo that.

I would tell myself, you're enough, just as you are, you're enough and stop trying to be something that you're not, embrace who you really are. And I think that also, that comes with age though, finding more of our confidence and self-esteem. And back then, and also moving to work in an industry that is, it's a rough one when it comes to your self-esteem and your looks, especially as a woman, I think, but I would go back and tell her, hey, you got this, you're enough and don't get so wrapped up in it. 

Heather (38:13.502)

You are enough and if people don't like that and don't want you for who you are, then that wasn't meant for you. But I spent so many years just wrapped up in insecurities and also people pleasing. And if I could go back and say, stop worrying about making everyone else happy, make yourself happy and don't fear people not liking you anymore because you're doing something that's all about you. I mean, it wasn't all about me. I'm not that person, but.

that you're doing something that's for you. Oftentimes the people that were close to me labeled me as selfish and I listened to that and I would tell myself to, uh-uh, that's not true. You're not selfish. You're actually just going for something and doing something that you want and that's not a bad thing.

Tristan (39:03.106)

Yeah, that's great, Heather. So, I mean, I won't go into this too deeply, but I think you're touching on this, what you and I both kind of have as people pleasers and wanting to care for others and help others and being empaths, which we both share. and we can dive into that on another episode, but yeah, when you're, when you are that type of personality, sometimes people take advantage of it and they do, there are just some people who might try to use it against you and you know,

Unfortunately, when people do that, we may have to, you know, cut the ties. 

Tristan (42:59.279)

And always loved that old adage of, you know, some people come into your life for a season and they come and go for a reason. You know, we can't always have people in our lives, especially if they're like maybe bringing us down or negative energy or not necessarily pushing you or helping you move in the right direction to achieve your goals and your dreams. and I think moving into my thirties, I had to come to terms with that and try to gain a better understanding and

That kind of turned into my self-help therapy, you know, decade. and then my thirties, you know, being married, thinking that was the one that I had and that this is it. Now I get time to start a family, you know, I put all my eggs in that basket and then it didn't work out. There was even more therapy. that was going into my thirties. So I would love to hear your thoughts. Did you have anything else about your twenties that you wanted to add?

Heather (43:57.587)

No, I mean, hindsight, your 20s, 2020 about my 20s. I had a little different journey in my 30s. I remember hearing from other women, oh, the 30s are going to be the best years of your life. These are the times when you feel the most confident. These are the times when you look your best. And I, the 30s were my biggest time.

My 30s were my biggest growth period, but in many, many aspects. And I'm going to touch on a couple of things and I'll, you know, kind of bring it serious for a minute. for me, and I'm sure other people too, I started to experience some things and had to grow up fast. And my reality check from, I had this career that shifted into entertainment and I was traveling and I was dancing and I was doing all the fun things, once I decided to get married and have kids, things really shifted into a whole new grown-up world for me, not just because of those two things, but we also lost our mom in our early 30s. She passed away from breast cancer. losing a parent when you're young, and our parents started young with kids, so we were young, early 30s and she was 57, to experience the loss of a parent that young, to have children and I started having kids 33. So I was still in my early 30s. I had my second son born, he has Down syndrome, so a child with special needs. I was immediately put into a place of, I was already overly responsible as an adolescent because of our parents divorce therapy talk here. But in my 20s, I was able to be like this more carefree whatever girl and I'm so glad I did that. must have you know, there must have been something inside of me that knew enjoy this because in your early 30s, things are about to get real and they did they got very real being a special needs parent.

Tristan (46:02.119)

Mm-hmm.

Heather (46:22.672)

Being a parent of a child with special needs, losing a parent, it catapulted me into a whole different world. And so my 30s became something completely different than I even anticipated. In the best way, now that I can look back on my 30s, but it was definitely a decade of learning for me. And it wasn't until my 40s that things shifted into a different gear as a woman, you know, kind of coming out of these tumultuous times. And I say tumultuous, but I also had some of the most amazing times in my life, especially I had, my kids were close in age. Like I cranked out these babies fast because I didn't meet my husband until my early thirties. So I had three kids in the span of what, four years. It was pretty insane how quickly my life just changed into being a stay at home mom. But I wouldn't change that for anything. 

Heather (47:43.121)

So my life had shifted from that to being a stay at home mom and really taking that role seriously. And it's also, it was my dream. I mean, it was ultimately my dream to be a mom. So it was everything that I had wanted. It was just shaped a little bit differently than I had imagined. And that was what my path laid out for me. And I wouldn't change a thing now, especially all the things that I've learned from going through difficult times, challenging times, but it was such a huge growth period for me. So you had said for you, it was an era of growth and seeking therapy. So I wonder how other people are in their thirties. If, you know, I would love to hear from people who are listening. Did you spend your twenties being more settled down and then your thirties became a little more wild child or did you spend your twenties having all the fun and then you started to settle down? Even if that was in your career, you know, or with relationships or families, whatever, I would love to hear other people's journeys.

Tristan (48:53.612)

Yeah, definitely. And you know, that's the great thing is to hear different people's stories. And if our audience, anyone wants to chime in, we would love to hear that because, you know, I think we're all on this planet, whatever you want to say, and we're all trying to find ourselves and find our way. you know, another adage, no, I'm just kidding. Another thing that always struck me that was beautiful. And this is a Joseph Campbell quote was, is that we're not trying to find the meaning of life. We're trying to find meaning in life and how we all, each of us individually, go on our journey and discover that meaning is unique to each of us and our perspective on, you know, our choices and our experiences. And that's, that's what's beautiful about sharing things with other people is that you learn like, wow, I can kind of relate to that. Or, my gosh, they really had a crazy hard time. Or I had it, you know, so easy during that time and how it's different for everyone. Those phases of life. and yes, our thirties with the loss of our mother was a very difficult time because, and I would love to hear anyone in the audience, their thoughts on this, because when you lose a parent and especially your mother, you know, it really calls into check, you know, you start to worry about your own life. You really start to come to terms with your own mortality and you know, your own life. Like, wow, there is an end to this. And it's not going to be forever because I think in your twenties years, like, yeah, whatever I got my whole life to live. It's going to be great or whatever. And then when you have a parent, especially when a parent dies at a younger age, or even if you lose a friend or a loved one at a young age, you kind of realize like, wow, at any moment. Hug your your people that are close, love them dearly because at any moment it can all go away. can be taken away. And when you lose a parent, that's really, especially the mother, the person who brought you into this world, you know, who birthed you with life. When that person's gone, it's like, shit. You know, it's a whirlwind and it's difficult for your brain to process all the emotions. And I think for me, yeah, during that time is when I, you know, I had some issues in previous relationships and I thought to myself like, Hey, it's not all perfect here, buddy. You might want to get some help. You might want to do some work. And I started reading books and self-help books. And I think you and I had shared some of those books together. and I started going to therapy and exploring that as a resource, you know, to come to terms with things, especially with, you know, grief counseling, that was very helpful. And just trying to process and understand emotions and deal with them in a healthy way. you know, so that way I didn't just try to put it away like, just keep busy with work or do whatever I had to do to not deal with it. And kind of like, yes, of course it was hard as I, know, because you know, on any given day, when you lose someone that close to you, there'll just be that moment when you start crying, when you start having a breakdown, when you know, you're like, wow, those emotions are there and

Heather (52:12.366)

Yeah.

Tristan (52:18.852)

You learn all those tools that you can use to deal with it in those times and to have a healthier outlook on life and death. And then when it comes to raising kids, how you can utilize those tools to be a better parent. But yes, thirties, for us sounds like a decade of growth and kind of, introspection.

Heather (52:45.519)

Yeah, so that's why I would love to also hear from other people what the 30s were for you. I'm really curious now. So like we had said, drop your comments in and also make sure I'm going to just say this now because I want to do it in the middle. Also make sure that you are subscribed to our channel. Make sure that you like and subscribe so that you can get more of the Sibling Soapbox podcast and we want to hear you get on your soap boxes and tell us a little bit about your decade journeys. What was life in your 20s like? What was life in the 30s, 40s? In your 50s, if you're 60s, we would love to hear more from you. That's what this is all about. Real talk. So moving on to our 40s. Let's move to the 40s. I want to hear a little bit about how that shifted for you, Tristan from your 30s, from the growth period to what was next in the 40s.

Tristan (53:45.678)

Yes. Well, really quick. So by my thirties, there was a lot of loss there and, I don't know. I mean, there was sometimes in my life, I look back and I'm like, I don't know how I got through it. and not to, you know, what's the word? my God. Anyway, there, I mean, there are sometimes when I look back at my thirties and not to like have any self pity, but I was lost, you know,

A marriage fell apart, lost my mother and my cat died like all within a very short period of time. It was a lot. And so thankfully I did have the resources of therapy and myself just, you know, wanting to learn and read books and do whatever I could to make it through those times. And I was able to get through it. So when I came into my forties, I was like, okay, probably missed the boat on, you know, marriage, family and all that, but hey, I'm to be an uncle to these wonderful kids. You know, I have two nephews and a niece. And I'll be that great uncle. I'll show up and have a good time. And, during that time I sold my house in LA and bought a place and Big Bear And, you know, I was just going to maybe be a hermit and go live in the woods. Like some of our other family members have done and just go into the woods, deep into the woods and leave Hollywood. And you never know what, where we go from there. was really the unknown decade for me of wherever God guides me, I'm going, I don't even know. So I just kind of went with that. I had suffered so much loss. You know, a lot of things have been disappointing career wise, relationship wise. So I just, I think I needed to go into the woods in order to find myself again. And how about you, Heather? So, go ahead.

Heather (55:33.18)

And did you find yourself? Did that help?

Tristan (55:36.23)

I did find myself. Yeah. So, you know, surprisingly, uh, met someone and I thought I was washed up at 40. I'm done. I was just going to the woods and, and die. I'm just kidding. Just to sit out into the woods and be lost. Um, but yes, I did find someone and I thought that was a great story as well. You know, met the right person, started a family and Hey, it's where I am now. Um, so

happiness did come out of the darkness, you know, finally came into the light, made it through, thankfully feeling blessed for that. So moved through it. 

I just wanted to go back to you, Heather, in your thirties. Yeah. You faced a lot of challenges there. Being a new mom and then having three kids right away. And that's a lot of responsibility. And I think, you know, now society has kind of moved towards an appreciation for a parent that stays at home and cares for the kids. Whereas, you know, in the past, the boomers, you know, maybe they didn't and they said, women are just at home watching soap operas all day. Then what are they doing? Maybe a little bit of laundry, sipping on martinis. And we know there's no truth to that is we both

Heather (57:00.032)

Bonbons, we're eating bonbons.

Tristan (57:04.183)

Yeah, the complete farce of a narrative. We both know as we've both been stay at home parents, throughout the years, alternating with our spouses, and learning like, Hey, it's not that easy. It's a lot of work, sometimes more work in different ways. Anyway, so you made it through that huge transition in your thirties. And then you said you came into a decade kind of, of prosperity or just feeling better about things. Could you just elaborate on that a little bit.

Heather (57:37.076)

Yeah, so my 30s coming out of it, I had also experienced kind of a scary health thing. But my 30s, my God, they were like, wow, I guess I should just look back and go, thank God I made it through. It was a lot. My 30s were a lot, which always made me realize like, okay, I'm so glad that I did all that stuff in my 20s. And I did say that to myself, like if I'm gonna settle down and have a family and be a mom,

I don't want any regrets and I try to tell my teenagers the same thing. Like if you really, really are called to get married young, okay, but if you can go have all the experiences and all the fun and all the life lessons in your 20s so that when you're in your 30s or when you do choose to settle down in whatever way that is for them, that you don't have regrets.

And so I never had regrets. I never did, which I'm so happy about. But it was heavy. My 30s were heavy, lots of stuff. So to be able to come out on the other side and the prospect of turning 40 for some women that can be, or men too, can be like, my god, my 40s. And I was ready. I was like, you know what? No, I think this is actually going to be a really good decade that I'm entering. And it was such a period of I had gone through all the muck and the mud and all the crap so that I could come out and bloom more in my 40s. And that was, okay, I've got kids. My husband and I chose for, we agreed that I could be the stay at home parent because I felt that was so important and especially having a son with special needs. And it was, we had a lot of sacrifices we had to make.

Heather (59:49.035)

But we did it for their sake and it was wonderful for them. I'm so thankful that we got to do that. But I did have that period in my 30s where I was like, okay, but what about me? I never wanted to lose myself. I knew I was a mom. I knew that was an important role, but like, okay, but what about me? And I did watch my friends in their late 30s having these super successful careers.

and they're feeling like a little pang of jealousy. What could I have been? You know, at one time I entertained the notion of being a lawyer. At one time I wanted to be a broadcast journalist. And then of course the entertainment, like, well, I had done the dancing, but you know, what if I had become that television host that I wanted to be? Wow, did I just miss out on everything? And that was a difficult time. But, I started to crawl out of it, meaning, okay, but you're not dead. So you're still alive. You're just turning 40. It's not gonna be that bad. I thought, God, is this gonna be the end? And it turned into a beautiful segue into something of coming back to myself, which I was so happy in the long run that I was kind of brainwashed. Like if a mom wants something more, if she wants to go to work or she wants to spend time with her friends, that's selfish. And I really had to push that aside and say, no, it's not selfish. It's actually, it's like that whole thing of put your mask on first on the airplane, your oxygen mask, so that you can actually take care of your kids. Like I needed to be fulfilled and I wasn't fulfilled for a long time when I was first having kids. And I needed to go find that in order to be a better parent, a better spouse. And I did, I mean, I went out and got dance back in my life, which I never thought I would do in my 40s. But I did it and I found another way to still have my passions nurtured, which was amazing for me. Yeah, my 40s, we can get into the 40s, dive into them a little bit more, but that was my segue into my 40s.

Tristan (01:02:06.124)

Yeah. And that's beautiful. and I think, you know, hats off to you and all the mothers out there that as a mother and, now, as a primary caregiver for children, you know, whether it's the mom or the dad, or, know, if you adopt or whatever it is, you know, you are the primary caregiver and you are responsible for their wellbeing. And hopefully if you're, you know, a truly caring, loving person, yeah.

They become your number one priority and yes, your needs go on the back burner. And, you know, I think as a culture and society, we need to appreciate that a little bit more and say, Hey, you know, these people are busting their butts and they are working their tails off in order to create the next generation of people who are going to be a part of this society or culture. And so we need to give them any resources, you know,

time, whatever it is, assistance, however it is so that they can do their job because that's a huge job, you know, and it's 24 hours a day, every day of the year, you know, this is a big job. It's not, you know, being a parent, you're not just like clocking in clocking out. You go home like, I'm going to Netflix and chill and just do whatever I want for the, you know, the time being when I'm away from the job. No, you're on that job all the time, all the time. And so.

hats off to you and to all the caregivers, the primary, you know, parental people who are out there taking care of their kids because it's a job, man. It's not easy, especially nowadays. You know, I think back in our society where we could have one parent that worked and made enough money and you had healthcare and you had all the things you needed and you go on the vacation, you had a nice car and nice house. I know, everything was very affordable, but nowadays, I mean, there are two parents working.

Trying to make ends meet and trying to raise the kids and being up in the middle of the night and going to work the next day, tired. It's not easy. And we need to value that more. I think as a society, we need to put more value and emphasis on that, maybe we don't need to work as much and we should be compensated accordingly when we're contributing, you know, to the society and raising families.

Heather (01:04:30.632)

Yeah, but I have to give a shout out because I have more than a handful of mama friends who were able to juggle both. And I always thought it was a sacrifice. Like if you're going to be a stay at home mom, you're a stay at home mom. If you're a working mom, you're a working mom. And I see these women and I have so much admiration for them because they're able to do both. They are incredible at their careers and what they've chosen.

And they're also incredible moms. I'm so blown away by it because I'm like, you can go work that full day and then you can come home and you're on. Like you're still cooking, you're still cleaning, you're still taking care of your kids. And I used to always be a little judgmental, admittedly thinking, well, their kids aren't going to turn out, you know, the same as good as mine. I'll admit that. But I have been like sitting back in admiration now going, wow, no, actually they are

Such good moms. Again, hats off because to me, that's the ultimate juggle. Like you're already juggling so much in parenthood and this could be dads too because I know there are working dads who come home and you know, they're in it too in the thick of it. We've just, we've been a little different generation. Ours has and I think both parents, like you said, may have to work in order to just make a living and so coming together at the end of the day, you're still in it. can't just, you know, okay, kids go to bed. It's a lot of investment. 

Tristan (01:06:12.085)

Yeah, no, I agree. It is a lot.

And, know, there is also that thing of, and maybe our audience could chime in a bit, you know, having kids at a younger age or a little bit older, you know, those different challenges, you could say, younger age, you miss out on opportunities, you know, with things, certain things in your life and the freedom, but then older age, like, my God, I'm getting old for this. I need my sleep at night or whatever it is. You know, if I don't recover as well, you know, as I'm older now having kids.

So there are challenges on both sides. It's, you know, two different sides of the coin and the story on that one. If that even makes sense, quite the story. Sorry.

Heather (01:06:53.519)

Yeah, so again, maybe you guys can tell us out there. Millennials, Gen Z, are you guys looking more towards having kids or settling down at a younger age again? Because I think you guys are getting more creative with your incomes and having, I think, a little more freedom, not just,

being, you know, like I've got to have this job, this nine to five job, and this is my career, and I'm going to be here until I'm 65. You guys are getting more creative. I would love to know if that's changing. You know, our pattern was, I think we watched our parents settle down too young. So maybe we were like, we're not going to do that. Where are you guys now? millennials and Gen Zers. I would love to know more. Seriously, drop a comment and let me know.

Tristan (01:07:52.513)

Yeah, let's hear those comments because I know, birth rates are on the decline around the world and also in the United States. So yeah, what are you guys doing? Are you maybe not having kids at a young age and what are you kind of, what are your future plans? You know, are you guys thinking ahead? Like, where do you want to be in your thirties, forties, fifties? and going back to, now, kind of that perspective when you were in your twenties, early twenties, starting out.

Tristan (01:08:19.555)

I remember, you know, you kind of have these achievement goal timelines, right? Oh, by the time I'm 30. I remember people in film school. By the time I'm 30, I'm going to be doing this. So I'm going to be doing that by the time I'm 40, I'm going to be, you know, at this point. And I don't know why, for whatever reason, I never really had those hard, like goal timelines where I had to do stuff by a certain age. I just had this in my head. This voice is always saying like, God will know where it's going to be. It's just going to be what it is, let it just be, it'll all work out the way it's meant to work out. And so I think for me, you got a SoapBox Drop there, Heather, let's hear what you have to say.

Heather (01:08:52.835)

Mm. Mm.

Heather (01:08:58.181)

But let me chime in here really fast brother because I have to wonder. Here's my soapbox moment. If you had that luxury of, you don't really have a timeline because your biological clock wasn't ticking. As a woman, I think if you want to have children, your timeline, you literally hear the tick-tock tick-tock tick-tock because you're like, they tell you, oh, by your 30s, you need to have babies. And even as like my last child, I had her at 37 38, yeah. And I was told that that's like an advanced age for having babies. So I wonder if men have a little more luxury, like no pressure, but we as women do because, and then shoot, I've got to have this career in place before that happens because.

That's a whole other topic, I'm sure, that we can go down on another episode. The difference between men and women when it comes to aging in careers and aging in the dating world and your biological clocks and our biological clocks being a little bit different. Thoughts?

Tristan (01:10:11.748)

yes. I think that's a totally separate episode. should definitely go down that one. I love that topic. very relevant. And I'm sure audience members would, I would really like to hear from both men and women, their take on that because I mean, I have to say, even getting into my forties, I kind of thought maybe my sperm were no longer viable. I don't know. I was like, maybe I'm just done.

I'll be an uncle. I mean, that crossed my mind many times. like, I'm too old. I just, it's not going to work out. but luckily in the early forties, it did work out. so, but yeah, when I turned 40, I'm like, cool. I didn't, didn't happen for me this time around, but you know, maybe next time, whatever. It was definitely a goal that I had and something I wanted, but didn't work out. That is what I go into the woods, deep, dark woods, hide. No, I'm just kidding.

Heather (01:11:10.755)

I'm so happy though that it worked out because I was so anxious to be an auntie.

Tristan (01:11:15.618)

And you're the best auntie. Our son loves you so much. Auntie Heather. yeah. So going through the forties, you know, things definitely got better for me. And then, you know, as my son became older, then kind of started diving back into career stuff because I was fortunate having a freelance, career or job as you might call it.

I had, I had the freedom to kind of create my own schedule and everything. So I was able to be at home during those, you know, important milestones, in my son's development, so, you know, first steps and teaching him all the different things, riding a bike. And now that he's getting a little bit older, like, yeah, I have more time and he's busy with his own activities. Like, I can actually, okay, get back into my career stuff and some of my dreams and that, you know, doing this podcast with you.

So yeah, I would also like to hear from audience members and Heather, you can share your side of the story, but yeah. So as you get older and if you had kids young, now you have freedom to go back to a little more you time, a little more me time, right? You got to, you got to do some of the stuff you want to do. And I hear people all the time, you know, I started painting again or playing an instrument or, know, doing different outlets and activities because, and Heather, maybe you can share a little bit.

I know you haven't had this experience fully, but you know, the potential empty nest syndrome, you know what that feels like for both parents and especially maybe a mom. What are your thoughts on kind of that going into your, your forties?

Heather (01:12:58.68)

Well, for my 40s, my children very much needed me. So in my 40s, I was still needed, but I needed something more for myself. And so learning to balance that, letting them stay with a babysitter sometimes, which I was like, I'll never do that. But I needed to and it's so funny. I was at work. So when I teach my fitness classes, my Zumba classes, I get a lot of women, all different ages. So I really observe them. And I see a lot of women in their 40s, it does become about that me time. They're coming to the gym after they drop the kids off to get their me time in. And I love this because I see them shifting as far as their bodies that were maybe

(and I'm talking about moms). Now, of course, I also have women who don't have children, but I'm speaking specifically about the moms right now. They were robbed of like their 20 something year old bodies by having babies. And in the forties, they're like, I'm gonna go ahead and get this back now. I'm gonna get snatched again. And I love to see that because they're working out, they're taking time for themselves.

They're having more social time, like lunch with girlfriends. And I'm like sitting back going, more power to you. No guilt in it, no shame in it because we sacrifice a lot being moms for our families. And I love to see them sort of taking themselves back a little bit and finding themselves again. And that's what I was doing in my 40s, finding my identity again. And you mentioned finding painting and doing things that maybe you had put aside for a while. And I really think that that's a great time to do it in your 40s is to get that time for yourself again and get the hobbies back or the people back in your life that you want to spend time with. And also, you know, your relationship, your one-on-one relationship, getting that time because when you're in the throes of like, my God, no sleep and diaper changing and all those things with the kids and their schedules and if you add pets in the mix. Which you often get when you have kids. Then you're sleep deprived as you know Tristan. So getting more time for your relationship again and finding yourself again. I loved that about my 40s. I felt like I really looked my, I'm not gonna say my best because I haven't tapped out yet. But getting myself back and feeling good about how I look again and getting my body back. And it's not easy, but I think it needs to be made a priority, especially men and women. We need to make it a priority because as you said earlier, we start to look at, okay, I'm not gonna live forever. And if you had a relative who is sick or you lost people in your life, you start looking at preventative methods to, okay, maybe I can extend my life a little bit by taking better care of myself. And when I used to be able to drink so much in my 20s and 30s, well, I mean, I'd be able to drink as much as I used to or do those things. And it's about taking care of you, not selfishly. It's about, what am I trying to say here? Taking care of you, but it's not in a selfish way. It's to preserve yourself.

Tristan (01:16:42.363)

Yeah, definitely. And I think, you know, that takes us into like self care where as you reach, you know, into the, your forties, you start to become a little more aware of like your physical body and like, yeah, I'm not invincible or, you know, aches and pains a little bit. Hey, what's going on here? and then maybe, you know, parents becoming elderly and kind of seeing their health issues. And yes, it does kind of give you a different lens to look through where you're like, okay, now I'm seeing this a little bit differently.

And if you think about it, midlife is actually at 35, you know, they say, oh, it's 40 or 50 or whatever, you know, truly midlife is really 35. If you lived to 70 or 80, it's somewhere in like 30. Well, no, but not midlife, but we have to remove the negative connotation of midlife. You know, midlife doesn't mean like, oh, this is your halfway point of life or death or whatever. It's not that, but it is kind of that point of, of like.

Heather (01:17:22.794)

No, I'm not gonna accept it. No. Really? No.

Tristan (01:17:41.854)

Okay, now you see things a little bit differently that your lens is different where you can look behind and maybe less time ahead. And you just have a new perspective. And yes, you start to understand your body more and look at health issues in the family and maybe do a little bit of genealogy research and try to, know, wait, where am I from? And then you're also concerned about your children and what you need to inform them about, you know, health issues in a family or making sure they're healthy. Hopefully everyone, you know, considers that with their kids' health and their diets and everything and exercise. And especially in our culture nowadays where there is a lot of screen time and processed foods, hopefully they're taking the time out to be like, Hey guys, we got to stay healthy as a family and let's all do this. And probably another episode Heather, cause I know you've been down this path. and so yeah, you, you, when you're hidden, heading towards 50 there, it's like, okay.

Heather (01:18:30.448)

so much. Yeah.

Tristan (01:18:39.839)

Yep. I have to start considering these things now. And for me, I value my sleep a little more, you know, and, and so that's something that I'm like, I need my sleep. Yeah. I need my sleep now. And all those memes you see about going to bed at nine or whatever. It's true. It's like, yeah, I value my sleep and appreciate it. I like a good night's sleep. I function much better the next day. And yeah, I don't even want to have a beer at night because I wake up the next day. I'm not, you know, fully a hundred percent.

Heather (01:19:10.094)

my God, we need to talk about that again. I want to hear what people are doing because I have some friends in their late 40s who are like, yeah, I can still drink like nobody's business. By my late 40s, I was like, my husband and I both are like, we can't do this anymore. Like we don't function the next day. We don't feel well the next day. What is happening? And we lived it up in our 20s and 30s. 40s, was like, hmm, well, maybe I don't want to drink like I used to.

Tristan (01:19:37.697)

What big pharma cocktail are they on? I want to know. Oh, no, I'm just kidding. I probably shouldn't say we're going to get shadowbanned.

Heather (01:19:46.208)

They're high on life, it's all good. No.

Tristan (01:19:47.455)

That Adderall must really be kicking in that Adderall does you well. What is it? What is it? The Meth Moms of Orange County?

Heather (01:19:55.902)

have no idea what you're talking about. we need to talk about this on another one.

Tristan (01:20:02.512)

yeah. So all that, I mean, that was the rumor that all the moms in orange county, what was it that the show like the Orange County Housewives or whatever.

Heather (01:20:12.244)

The Real Housewives of Orange County, one of my faves.

Tristan (01:20:15.104)

The Real Housewives of Orange County, the rumors are all on meth and they were all abusing meth. And that's how they got through their day. They were all methed out, like jacked up on, um, you know, prescription meds in order to keep them going on a hundred percent. That, that was the rumor.

Heather (01:20:20.361)

What?

Heather (01:20:31.028)

Wait, meth or prescription meds? Like, there's a difference.

Tristan (01:20:36.404)

Well, metamphetamines, which are present in, you know, certain drugs that, know, they're derivatives of Sudafed and like, right. All the, it, and so people will take those drugs to abuse the mef, the methamphetamine that's in them. Over the counter stuff that, you know, now you have to take your ID to get like Claritin D.

Heather (01:20:51.762)

Is that how I'll-

Tristan (01:20:58.548)

And we don't have to talk about that, but I think it's pretty funny.

Heather (01:20:58.688)

No, I know. But now I'm like, did I miss this? Did I miss out on the key? The key to survival was...

Tristan (01:21:05.84)

God, Heather, I thought you knew about that. It is Heather. I'm telling you, these parents are, I knew all these, got 10 side hustles. They're all fucking methed outh. I'm sorry. They're not on carrot juice. They are not.

They are not on green juice. is it's these are big pharma substances. Heather. They are not coming from the farmer's market. Pharma not farm.

Heather (01:21:32.64)

I don't feel like I have my head buried in the sand, but maybe I just didn't know. Okay, that's good to know. So listen, everybody is of course never going to believe that we are in the next era of our lives, the next decade, because, you know, how would you believe that we are? kidding. But let's talk about our 50s. We're both here.

Tristan (01:21:44.969)

Alright, yeah, I thought...

Heather (01:22:02.299)

Right? We are both here. Let's move into the 50s because I know a lot of people out there. You're with us. You're with us on this journey. And I especially want to dive into, and this is the beauty of a brother and a sister, the male-female perspective biologically with our 50s. So Tristan, tell me a little bit about, and early 50s, may I remind people? So we're just starting, but talk to me about your...

Tristan (01:22:02.719)

Yeah.

Heather (01:22:31.069)

your journey into this decade.

Tristan (01:22:33.44)

Yeah. So I think what's, what's, um, interesting in kind of an anecdote is, you know, you live your life doing all kinds of crazy, fun things up until this point. And then you, you know, you get in your late forties and fifties and you're like, Oh, interesting, you know, a little more aches and pains. And the things you start to kind of celebrate are, my gosh, I got my blood work back. I'm all good. I don't have any, any health problems or.

Just got that colonoscopy done. All clear. Yeah. It's all good.

Heather (01:23:07.891)

and you talk to your friends about it, you're like, did you get yours?

Tristan (01:23:12.21)

Yeah. Hey, Like I, well, I won't say that I won't bring any names up, but, yeah. Hey, did you, did you get the checkup? You know, do your prostate and your, anyway, yes. You get all those checkups and have a clean bill of health that becomes incredibly valuable and it's something to celebrate.

Heather (01:23:37.182)

You're like holding up your lab results. Look, honey.

Tristan (01:23:38.396)

Yeah, it's a very, it's a different time, but at the same time, I mean, I think when, you know, when you reach 50, there is, for some, there may be kind of that, I don't know, feeling old phase of life. And then I think there's also a reason to celebrate and be like, for me, it's like, Holy shit. I'm still alive. I can't believe it. Actually. I'm still here.

And at the same time, like, okay, now I got to really continue to be healthy and do my regimen of exercise and eating right. you know, embrace it. I think it's a beautiful time of life, especially if you have kids, even no matter where they are in life. I know a lot of people, once they reach this stage, their kids are graduated from either high school or college, you know, and celebrate that. And yeah, another phase of your life. That's such a beautiful thing.

What about you, Heather? How do you feel from the female perspective? And again, one thing we haven't touched on that I just want to mention is I think the boomers kind of went through their midlife was like, oh, get a divorce. No big deal. Me, me, me, me, me generation live and do whatever you want. It's the me generation family. That's overrated. You don't need to keep the family together. We'll be the Brady Bunch family or whatever. You know, nowadays you have a blend of families like nothing against that. But the boomers were kind of in this mentality of like, yeah, yeah, you don't need to be married. You go live your life. Find the best you and be happy at your midlife point, you know. And that was probably a product of getting married too young and not having any individual experience to build off of and know that you kind of sowed your seeds and did your thing outside of a family, you know, having a family and be like, wait, I didn't get to do what I want to do.

So I'm glad that I think it's kind of the paradigm has shifted a little bit to where families hopefully now, even if they're not sticking together, form blended families or whatever it is to just create a little bit of family unit and stability for, especially for kids, you know, coming into the world and needing to have that support emotionally. and just some sense of a home with a parent or parents and some wellbeing.

Tristan (01:26:03.299)

That's just kind of my general take on it, but from a female from, shouldn't say female or should I? No, you're not supposed to say female from a, from a woman's perspective, Heather, from a lady's perspective, from a woman's perspective, Heather, what are your thoughts kind of on this point of our lives?

Heather (01:26:22.503)

Well, I did want to touch on something that you said about people kind of wanting to gather their family unit. I also want to, because it keeps coming to my brain that I have some girlfriends who chose not to have children. And I think this is very important to address because, or to talk about because they also, what I'm seeing, want that unit, right? But their unit comes in a different way and it's gathering up not just their extended family or something, but their friendships, their relationships, their circles, and they become very close-knit and they have that support, but in a different way. And I, again, I want to talk about that with some of you out there who are on that journey. Tell us a little bit about how, especially in your 50s,

You're now, you've established yourselves in whatever your career choices are or your life choices are and how that unit, what does your support unit look like? For one of my friends, it's, you know, her long-term partner, they're still together and they chose to buy a house together. They have pets together and found contentment in that way. And then another girlfriend who, you know, no marriage, no relationship, but iis surrounded by all of these incredible friendships and that sort of support system. I would love to hear other people's soapbox moments about their journeys for that. I should say that in a different way though. I would love to hear how other people are establishing this decade of their lives and their units and what their units look like, their support systems.

Tristan (01:28:17.151)

Yeah. And I love the pet thing, you know, fur babies, right? I mean, I think for some people, Hey, having pets and animals, that's great too. You know, I think whatever you find the fulfillment on that, personal journey, you know, and it's, we live in a society that at times is very judgmental, you know, if others, and you, you have kids or you don't have kids or you have animals and set it, know, whatever, man, it's like, if it makes you happy and it makes other people happy, great, you know, we all need to, I think, respect others in their choices and whatever brings them happiness. And for some that's having kids or not having kids or for some, you know, they have to step out of a relationship when it's, you know, there are certain issues that are unbearable or it's just not working out. And then people that figure out how to, you know, bring multiple families together.

like a blended family situation and make it work. I mean, there are just so many beautiful, wonderful things that I think, you know, for each of us, it is an individual thing. And yeah, we will love to hear those stories from our audience of, Hey, what worked for you and how was your experience through your phases of life and where are you now? You know, whether you're just starting out or you're older and you're a boomer and you've seen it all and done a lot. And how was it for you? You know,

What advice would you give to others or to your younger self? You know, what would you say? and I think maybe we can kind of wrap up on that, Heather, what, unless you had something else to say about the fifties, like what, what is it that you would give kind of an overall advice, you know, now that you've reached into your, your early fifties.

Heather (01:30:05.435)

Well, I came into my fifties full on embracing and looking forward to my fifties. You may remember I threw myself a fiftieth birthday party and I wanted it to be so extra and it was and I have so many great memories and zero regrets for that. Like I literally had a party. I dressed up. I used Sally O'Malley who was Molly Shannon's character on Saturday Night Live.

The woman who was, I'm 50 and I'll kick and I'll stretch and I'll kick. She became like my icon for this entering into my fifties and I wanted to feel sexy and I wanted to feel free and I, so that's my mission right now being in my early fifties has expanded my career choice too because not only am I teaching fitness classes like I have been for 15 years, but I've opened up this area in my life for dance, specifically my heels classes. And what I wanted this to do, it's my Lotus, and this isn't a self, you know, a shameless plug or something, with my Lotus Dance Flow classes. It is a mission because I wanted women to know, this isn't it, this is not the end. Like you said, so many of us are now facing the empty nest thing that happens or.

Okay, maybe our careers are set and our lives are set, but there's something more. And we are aging, correct? But I want us to look at it more like we are ageless. We are ageless goddesses. And I'm speaking for women right now. But I wanted this to be a moment where, okay, we might be perimenopausal. We might be, well, we are usually perimenopausal, menopausal. Our hormones are shifting and...

We may not be feeling as sexy and fierce as we did in our 40s, but let me tell you the liberation from being, I have so much to say about this, my soapbox, the liberation in your 50s, if you can get past the hormone madness as a woman and a man, men have this too, by the way, there is such a thing as manapause, if you can move through that, and that's what I wanted to gather my tribe for us, we're going to move through this together. And that is for us through dancing. And when we get together, we are going to do this heels dancing to help find our goddess energy again and fan those flames again because it's not just fanning hot flashes. We're still sexy. We are still fierce in our 50s.

And that is like my, I feel like it's my mission now to get that out to everyone like, don't give up. Like we are not our parents' generation. You look at these celebrities out there, men and women who are in their 50s and oh my God, they are still so hot. Let's claim that. That's where I'm at. Let's claim that. yes, so.

We can get into it on another episode, the aches and the pains and I'm like, okay, yeah, Sally O'Malley kick and stretch and I'm like, but my sciatica and shit, that hurts. I'm just gonna have to move a little bit differently. And I also wanna say this and again, we can get on our soap boxes on another episode about this whole topic, but I think that time in our lives is, you know, for some of us in our 40s of I've got to go hard and I've got to make the body hard and strong. It's okay to soften a little bit because our bodies, men and women naturally soften as we age, right? We get a little more padding maybe in the edges or like everything just softens a little bit and maybe the skin softens itself. But I want us to embrace that. We were like, in our 40s to try to like,

And maybe that's not the case in our 50s. We soften a little bit, we keep the flames fan. So we soften a little bit, we keep the flames fanned, and we move into this next decade in this enlightened way. And that's what I feel like there's so much wisdom that I've garnered from the life I've had to this point. That's why I think of this as midlife. Maybe, you know, I would love to live until I'm 100. The centenarian mentality, I would love that. But if this is midlife for me as far as like this is my big blooming time where this is about my next chapter and this is, and I think for a lot of people, that's what we can now push through into our 50s as what is next? It's not the end of our careers.

I think you and I can both attest to that. Our careers have changed and maybe they're not where we thought they would be, but we're getting creative. We're picking back up like you and I with this podcast on something that maybe we had just sort of, okay, let's put a pin in that and hold on and we're back in it. And I love that we can now, going into this decade, go back to or try new things, do other things that we always wanted to do. And we have the time now, we can do it.

And we have the wisdom.

Tristan (01:35:40.986)

that's beautiful. love it. That's right.

Heather (01:35:41.28)

Soapbox, soapbox moment.

Tristan (01:35:45.234)

That's right. And I think, now, just adding to that with, now, there's so much uncertainty now in,  you no longer have job security, no matter which career path you chose, you don't have job security. As we've learned recently from, I won't bring that up. You no longer have job security, right? 

Tristan (01:36:19.323)

Yeah, you no longer have job security. So we're in a time and a place where, and the younger generations can attest to this, that you have to be able to pivot at any moment and you have to be able to, you know, change and kind of morph into different things. And, never thought I could do that, but hey, I'm going to try it because now the job I used to do is no longer, especially with AI coming on the scene and you know, robotics and everything else. It's going to be taking over a lot of the jobs that we used to have.

We do need to be able to adapt and that's kind of what, you know, getting older is about adapting to change. You know, so we've really come to that point where it's like, things are changing everything, our bodies, you know, culture, society, things are changing and we're in a different place. And, you know, I think at this point, you kind of move into the, your like parental figure, also mentorships.

Heather (01:36:57.856)

Yes.

Tristan (01:37:18.841)

Or what can I leave for the future generations? What can I do good with the time that I have left to leave my mark in a good way on this planet? So that way I'm doing something positive and doing something that's meaningful and not just like leave, like, Hey, had a blast burned all of it. Great. Have fun taking care of the planet that's destroyed. Now. I don't want to point out any generations that did that in the past, but hey, we might just want to call them out a little bit and say, you know what? You kind of, you kind of left us in a mess and we're trying to fix that now.

Heather (01:37:55.071)

We need to get a boomer in here. We need someone from that generation. We need to hear from them. That's definitely a future episode.

Tristan (01:38:05.755)

Yeah, that brings me to my.

Tristan (01:38:11.099)

My soapbox drop, Heather, I got a soapbox drop. Really quick soapbox drop, here we go. So I just wanna say.

Heather (01:38:16.054)

All right, wait, wait, wait, I'm gonna time you on this. What, you got 30 seconds?

Tristan (01:38:21.945)

Okay. Okay. Time. Yeah, this is, this is our new feature here. The soap box drop. Where are you starting it? Just say go when you're ready. Okay. So box drop.

Heather (01:38:30.464)

I will.

Heather (01:38:37.29)

Okay, timing you, ready, go.

Tristan (01:38:40.421)

Okay. This is my soapbox drops to the American dream as a con. We're brought into this world to believe that we need to have this career driven path. go to college or we choose a career. We go to college. We're in debt. Wait, let me start over. Hey, but I'll just start with you have to go. So I'll be like, okay, the American dream is a con. We are led to believe that we should go down this career driven path in life that we go to college. We incur all this debt. We work our ass off our entire lives to pay that debt.

And we become a slave to the system. And in the meantime, we're led to be these consumers who just want to buy all this stuff. And that'll keep you happy while you're working this 40 hour week and spending very little time with your family and being so busy that you're, you don't have proper rest and you're just constantly tired. And then we just end up so tired at the end of all of it and end up with all this stuff that we can't take with us when we die. So what I want to leave you with here on my soapbox drop is to embrace what's meaningful in life. The experiences, the relationships with your family and your loved ones. Embrace what's meaningful. That's my soapbox drop.

Heather (01:39:43.638)

I love it in 30 seconds. Yes. Just a little longer.

Tristan (01:39:45.873)

Did I really get it?

I'll edit that. I'm an editor. I'll cut that down. And by the way, if you do a soapbox drop audience, you can edit it, make it, you know, so it's in the 30, the 30 seconds. no big deal there.

Heather (01:39:52.725)

Yes, you can.

Heather (01:40:02.474)

Yeah, do your soapbox drop, make sure that you tag us on social media or use a hashtag soapbox drop because we want to hear and speak on anything, anything from this episode, anything from a previous episode. We wanna hear what you have to say. That's what this is about. It's an open forum where we can share, like I said, real people sharing our real thoughts on real topics. So love it.

Tristan (01:40:27.191)

Love it. Are you gonna, are you gonna dance it out again, Heather?

Heather (01:40:29.14)

Soapbox drop.

I'm, you know, like that is the thing, especially when we got a little heavier today. So got to shake it off. That's okay. We want to get real, like the heaviness, those topics we can cover, but at the end of the day, like let's just dance it off, whatever. You've been rehearsing. All right, hold on. Let's get something going here. Hang on. All right. Make sure you have room. Don't knock anything over. Here we go.

Tristan (01:40:37.765)

man my head hurts. man.

Tristan (01:40:49.245)

All right, I've been practicing. Let's do it. You get that music?

Tristan (01:41:02.045)

yeah, I just got a stretch. yeah. Okay.

Tristan (01:41:08.871)

Don't lose the mic, don't lose the mic.

Tristan (01:41:24.507)

Thanks everyone for joining us. Sibling Soapbox Podcast. Woo! We'll see you next week. One episode a week. We'll see you then. Thanks again. Like and subscribe, hit that bell, leave some comments. We'd love to hear your thoughts. We want to have your soapbox drop. Tag us and if it's great, we'll feature you on one of our episodes, future episodes. Thanks guys. Woo!

Heather (01:41:31.413)

Yes.

Heather (01:41:45.702)

Yes. Don't forget also to follow us on social media.

Heather (01:41:56.404)

Soapbox siblings!

Tristan (01:42:01.853)

Wait, what is that one? The sprinkler?

Show Notes:

Keywords

life phases, personal growth, childhood memories, small town life, entrepreneurship, relationships, loss, self-discovery, parenting, advice, parenthood, self-care, happiness, life phases, generational perspectives, midlife, aging, family dynamics, career changes, health awareness

Takeaways

Real siblings discussing real topics unafraid to address them.

Life phases are a journey of growth and self-discovery.

Nostalgic memories can shape our perspectives on life.

First jobs often teach valuable lessons about work and responsibility.

Adventures in our 20s are crucial for personal development.

Loss can significantly impact our life journey and choices.

Self-help and therapy can aid in navigating life's challenges.

Parenthood brings new responsibilities and shifts in priorities.

Advice to younger selves often revolves around self-acceptance and confidence.

Each decade brings unique challenges and opportunities for growth. Happiness can emerge from difficult times.

Parenting is a challenging yet rewarding journey.

Self-care is essential for personal fulfillment.

The forties can be a time of rediscovery and growth.

Balancing work and parenting is a significant challenge.

Generational perspectives on parenthood vary widely.

Timelines for achievements can create unnecessary pressure.

Women often face a biological clock that influences life choices.

Finding balance in midlife is crucial for well-being.

Embracing aging can lead to new opportunities and self-expression.

Summary

In this episode of the Sibling Soapbox Podcast, siblings Heather and Tristan explore the various phases of life, reflecting on their childhood memories, first jobs, and the adventures of their 20s. They discuss the impact of loss, the journey of self-discovery in their 30s, and the responsibilities that come with parenthood. The conversation emphasizes the importance of personal growth, the lessons learned through experiences, and the advice they would give to their younger selves. Through humor and nostalgia, they invite listeners to reflect on their own life journeys. In this episode, the siblings explore the various phases of life, focusing on the challenges and triumphs of parenthood, the importance of self-care, and the evolving perspectives on aging. They discuss the societal pressures surrounding timelines for achievements and parenthood, the significance of finding balance in personal and professional lives, and the need to embrace aging as a time for self-expression and fulfillment. The conversation also touches on the American Dream and its implications on personal happiness and fulfillment.

Titles

Navigating Life Phases: A Sibling Perspective

From Childhood to Adulthood: Lessons Learned

Sound bites

"I never wanted to lose myself."

"We need to value that more."

"We are ageless goddesses."

Chapters

00:00 Introduction and Behind the Scenes

02:37 Life Phases: A Journey of Growth

05:33 Nostalgia for Small Town Life

08:33 First Jobs and Early Entrepreneurship

11:18 Adventures and Choices in Our 20s

17:32 Reflections on Life Lessons

23:31 Advice to Our Younger Selves

35:08 Trust and Ulterior Motives

35:45 Advice to My Younger Self

38:08 People-Pleasing and Self-Worth

40:06 Navigating Relationships in Your 30s

40:51 The Shift into Self-Help

43:02 Growth Through Loss in Your 30s

47:20 Finding Meaning in Life

52:01 Transitioning into Your 40s

55:58 Rediscovering Identity in Your 40s

59:34 Self-Care and Health Awareness

01:04:30 Balancing Parenthood and Personal Growth

01:17:59 Rumors and Reality: The Dark Side of Prescription Meds

01:20:05 Entering the 50s: A New Decade of Life

01:28:07 Embracing Change: The Beauty of Aging

01:36:53 The American Dream: A Critical Perspective

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